- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it?
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the sile of majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:27God is long!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:52We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:59And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to. I'll let him wait.
00:02:05Oh, that's standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:07But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie daft standing here.
00:02:14Come on, we're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17But he might come.
00:02:18Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no!
00:02:24I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:28I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:37Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:42I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:53Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:07Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:10I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:35Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:40Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:53Come on.
00:03:55I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:03We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:26Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:27Don't you worry.
00:04:28Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:30Every single time.
00:04:31Don't you worry.
00:04:32Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:37Don't you worry.
00:04:38Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:39Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:56Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:05:04On another plane and then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Surely can get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say,
00:06:41I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:06:48I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:06:51No, no, no, no.
00:06:53No, no, no.
00:06:59I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:08:02Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's-it's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41It's just that I don't like it.
00:08:46Ah.
00:09:02Oh, Sandra.
00:09:04There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:18Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet. Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went. Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother. Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:01What?
00:10:04Got it. Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like
00:10:14how about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say OK does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:11:03Miss Bardot.
00:11:06Marry me.
00:11:07Marry me.
00:11:08Mr Huntley.
00:11:10maintenant lads.
00:11:11you ever touch anything else.
00:11:13Marry me.
00:11:14MIANTING.
00:11:15MARRY ME.
00:11:16MARRY ME.
00:11:21draft mer.
00:11:22In the morning.
00:11:24We're out of time and all.
00:11:27Aye.
00:11:28Aye.
00:11:29Peace man!
00:11:31Take a good time.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Aye.
00:11:34Peace man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:39Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:06Ticket. I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:36Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:06Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:13Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:32Are you going that way?
00:13:33Yeah.
00:13:34Not especially, no.
00:13:35You going that?
00:13:36Yeah.
00:13:37Well, um, no.
00:13:38I was sort of...
00:13:39Going to the football match?
00:13:40Are you?
00:13:41Shopping.
00:13:42I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:43I am.
00:13:44Which?
00:13:45Which are you?
00:13:46Any.
00:13:47I am.
00:13:48See you then.
00:13:49Tonight?
00:13:50Pardon?
00:13:51Oh, I...
00:13:52All right, then.
00:13:53Right.
00:13:54Super socks.
00:13:55Super socks.
00:13:56What are you doing?
00:13:57What are you doing tonight?
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59Which?
00:14:00Which are you?
00:14:01Any.
00:14:02I am.
00:14:03See you then.
00:14:04Tonight?
00:14:05Pardon?
00:14:06Oh, I...
00:14:07All right then.
00:14:08Right.
00:14:09Super socks.
00:14:10Did you see that?
00:14:11They are all on drugs.
00:14:12The lot of them.
00:14:14Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:44Did he score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:483-1.
00:15:14Excuse me.
00:15:18I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial.
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, uh...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:44Are you and Beryl, um, you know?
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sorry, sorry.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course.
00:16:32Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:32You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do.
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Fingy.
00:16:54Ken Fingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, it is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:58That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Perseful motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:30No.
00:18:31No.
00:18:32No.
00:18:47I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:08Oh.
00:19:09Oh.
00:19:10Oh.
00:19:11Oh.
00:19:12Oh.
00:19:13Oh.
00:19:14Oh.
00:19:15Oh.
00:19:16Oh.
00:19:17Oh.
00:19:18Oh.
00:19:19Oh.
00:19:20Oh.
00:19:21Oh.
00:19:22Oh.
00:19:23Oh.
00:19:24Oh.
00:19:25Oh.
00:19:26Oh.
00:19:27Oh.
00:19:28Oh.
00:19:29Oh.
00:19:30Oh.
00:19:31Oh.
00:19:32Oh.
00:19:33Oh.
00:19:35Oh.
00:19:36Oh.
00:19:37Oh.
00:19:38Oh.
00:19:39Oh.
00:19:40Oh.
00:19:41Oh.
00:19:42Oh.
00:19:43Oh, Sophie.
00:19:44I've justaulted you to that.
00:19:46Oh, I hate it.
00:19:47Oh, yes?
00:19:48I hate it.
00:19:49First date with someone.
00:19:51It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:52Either nothing.
00:19:53Or something.
00:19:55I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:53Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:01Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:03Oh, we all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:13Has there been any clips?
00:21:15Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:17What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:19You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:21Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:22Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:23These things.
00:21:24Everything.
00:21:25Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:26He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:27See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:28Better who's Geoffrey.
00:21:29Oh, no one.
00:21:30No one's special.
00:21:32His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:33How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:34What Beryl Bird?
00:21:35How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:36What Beryl Bird?
00:21:37I told him.
00:21:38Did she, er...
00:21:39Did she, er...
00:21:40Did she, er...
00:21:41What?
00:21:42Did she, er...
00:21:43What?
00:21:44What?
00:21:45What?
00:21:46What?
00:21:47What's Geoffrey?
00:21:48Oh, no one.
00:21:49No one.
00:21:50No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:55How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:58What Beryl Bird?
00:21:59I told him.
00:22:00Did she, er...
00:22:01Did she, er...
00:22:02Did she, er...
00:22:03What?
00:22:04What?
00:22:05What?
00:22:06What?
00:22:07What?
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:11Wow.
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:15You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:35Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:14We'll split after this game.
00:23:15Anything you say.
00:23:16And go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:24Hallelujah.
00:23:25Pardon?
00:23:26I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:33Good morning.
00:24:01Morning.
00:24:02Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope. Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travelers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:31Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:53No.
00:24:54No.
00:24:55No.
00:24:56No.
00:24:57No.
00:24:58No.
00:24:59No.
00:25:00No.
00:25:01No.
00:25:02No.
00:25:03No.
00:25:04No.
00:25:05No.
00:25:06No.
00:25:07No.
00:25:08No.
00:25:09No.
00:25:10No.
00:25:11No.
00:25:12No.
00:25:13No.
00:25:14No.
00:25:15No.
00:25:16No.
00:25:19No.
00:25:20No.
00:25:21No.
00:25:22No.
00:25:23No.
00:25:24No.
00:25:25No.
00:25:26Is he?
00:25:27Dishy.
00:25:28Or is he?
00:25:29Dishy.
00:25:30Or is he?
00:25:31Dishy.
00:25:32I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:33One date was enough.
00:25:34Why?
00:25:35He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:36Is that bad?
00:25:37Hopeless.
00:25:38Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:53Five, five, which is, which is, three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is, oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:39That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:46So what?
00:26:48Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52PHONE RINGS
00:26:54Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:56Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:57Is that Beryl?
00:26:58Yes.
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Hi.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:09Getting to know a person.
00:27:10Fantastic.
00:27:11I want to know all about you.
00:27:24That's what it's all about.
00:27:25For example, with things in common already.
00:27:26Definitely.
00:27:27Like what?
00:27:28We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:29Right.
00:27:30And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:31Have you ever been Ginny?
00:27:32Yes.
00:27:33I want to know all about you.
00:27:34I want to know all about you.
00:27:35Yes.
00:27:36That's what it's all about.
00:27:37For example, with things in common already.
00:27:39Definitely.
00:27:40Like what?
00:27:41We are enormously fond of animals.
00:27:42Right.
00:27:43And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:48Have you ever lived in a New York City?
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know others.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual,
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:27He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:29It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:32It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:41Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:45It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:46Read any women's magazine.
00:29:47It's good for theirs, too.
00:29:48I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:29:50I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:29:51All Saturdays.
00:29:52Beryl.
00:29:53Oh, Beryl.
00:29:54Oh, Beryl.
00:29:55Oh, Beryl.
00:29:56Oh, Beryl.
00:29:57Oh, Beryl.
00:29:58Oh, Beryl.
00:29:59Oh, Beryl.
00:30:00Oh, Beryl.
00:30:01Oh, Beryl.
00:30:02Oh, Beryl.
00:30:03Oh, Beryl.
00:30:04Oh, Beryl.
00:30:05Oh, Beryl.
00:30:06Oh, Beryl.
00:30:07Oh, Beryl.
00:30:08Oh, Beryl.
00:30:09Oh, Beryl.
00:30:10Oh, Beryl.
00:30:12Oh, Beryl.
00:30:13Oh, Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Beryl.
00:30:17Oh, Beryl.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Beryl.
00:30:21Oh! Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony. Pardon?
00:30:35Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour. It's not!
00:30:48Urgh!
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:56I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:01That's true!
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line. I can't hear you. You'd better apologise again.
00:31:18I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line!
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:48Is it all sardine?
00:31:49Yeah.
00:31:50She's got her own trawler.
00:31:52Isn't it awful?
00:31:53What?
00:31:54I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:31:55What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:31:57What for?
00:31:58For what's happening in the world?
00:31:59Talk to her.
00:32:00Can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:01Tasty.
00:32:02Very in oil.
00:32:03She's got a bad leg.
00:32:04Nice in oil.
00:32:05She's got a bad leg.
00:32:06The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:07Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:08What's happening?
00:32:09What's happening in the world?
00:32:10What's happening in the world?
00:32:11What's happening in the world?
00:32:13What's happening in the world?
00:32:15Talk to her.
00:32:17Can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:18Tasty.
00:32:19Very in oil.
00:32:20Very nice in oil.
00:32:21She's got a bad leg.
00:32:22The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:23Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:26Yes.
00:32:27Can't do long conversations about sardines sandwiches.
00:32:49So much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:11Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Quite in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38You used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:50May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been aghast.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been aghast.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-read, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:34Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Love.
00:37:12We're having a baby.
00:37:42Pope, long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Er...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:33It's that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:51I packed her in.
00:38:52Good.
00:38:54Oh, my.
00:38:58Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:03I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one.
00:39:10You seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30Well, I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49Okay, I was like, yeah.
00:40:50I was innocent, but I'm waiting for you.
00:40:56I was sick to Operation.
00:40:56It looks like my dad's in pocket.
00:41:01I
00:41:02wasale's pitch.
00:41:06When is this going to do that, what's going on?
00:41:08I was like this.
00:41:08But I'll tell you what's going on.
00:41:09Well, it might have a chance, because you have kind of apartment at that shape.
00:41:12But, never look.
00:41:13The sink to go on.
00:41:14I need to throw it off the dart looks.
00:41:15You have to do it.
00:41:16I need to spray it off the discussion, but I know what you need.
00:41:19What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:22Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:25No. Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:38When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:19Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:26I'm fed up.
00:42:31Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:35What are you fed up about?
00:42:38Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:41No?
00:42:42They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:42:48Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:42:51What's he doing here, then?
00:42:53Well, er, this is your Uncle Steven. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:00How do you do?
00:43:01Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:02Jeremy, bed.
00:43:03I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:04Jeremy?
00:43:05Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:09Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:12What are you doing here, then?
00:43:13Well, er, this is your Uncle Steven.
00:43:18This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:27I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53There's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:25But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:41Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p?
00:44:5950p?
00:45:0050p?
00:45:0050p?
00:45:0050p?
00:45:0150p?
00:45:0250p?
00:45:13Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:14Who would he yell to Uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning?
00:45:26Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:34Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:37A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:41Goodnight, love.
00:45:44We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:49You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:53Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day. Tomorrow?
00:46:07No. Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where? I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:18What Wrens? The Royal Navy.
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls
00:46:29and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you
00:47:35while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:27I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:53Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:05It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:39Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:42Finally splitting up.
00:49:43He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:44Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:45It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:46Finally splitting up.
00:49:47He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:48Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:49Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:49:50The entire night.
00:49:51It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:53Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:55Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:05Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:06The entire navy go on strike.
00:50:08I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:09I won't even consider it.
00:50:11Then, I'd say I'm sorry.
00:50:12It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:14It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:15Finally splitting up.
00:50:17He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:20To send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:21Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11Did you?
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:22Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:04I had this bad scene, Miss Chip, and decided to split.
00:52:19So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:37This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:56Hmm?
00:52:56I'm sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:46Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39What's that like?
00:54:40You see?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville, okay?
00:54:59Mm.
00:55:00Come on.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:12Papers, yeah.
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:15A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:22All girls want marriage and a white wedding.
00:55:25Really basic?
00:55:26You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:03Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11No, thank you.
00:56:12Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:41We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51What we believe is...
00:56:52Now.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01Who?
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19End.
00:57:20End.
00:57:21Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:23Neville.
00:57:24Sandra wants you.
00:57:25I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I know.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Reverend.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22It's nice.
00:58:47I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:48Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:14Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:31She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:39Ooh.
00:59:41Ooh.
00:59:42Ooh.
00:59:44Sorry.
00:59:51Geoffrey?
00:59:53Ooh.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:07Ooh.
01:00:12Ooh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:49Had a nice time?
01:00:55Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:13Good.
01:01:32Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:34Edward.
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:04Good morning.
01:02:06Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:08Can I?
01:02:12Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:34And?
01:02:35We are outside?
01:02:36Hmm.
01:02:38Nice and gorgeous.
01:02:42Nice.
01:02:43That's great.
01:02:44A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:14Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:08You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:14I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:22Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:36I think I nearly love you.
01:06:42The...
01:07:03Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:12I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean permissive, permissive.
01:07:51I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good. Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:36The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52No.
01:08:52I'll tell you.
01:08:52I'll tell you.
01:09:0528 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:32Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me.
01:09:48A single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically out to...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:53Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24It's all right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:51And so, society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't he?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:15Take two a day after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:45Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:53You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:15Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night, I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:23See, what face do I want you to do?
01:14:25See, what I think...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:28Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:46happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:39No, I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likable?
01:17:20The extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33Think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:56St. Anne's Square.
01:19:01St. Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:18And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra,
01:20:37this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest,
01:20:49seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside,
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more,
01:20:56no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please,
01:21:03you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now,
01:21:41a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Right.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55Hold it like that.
01:21:56It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nick.
01:22:13Somewhere to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Mm.
01:22:24Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going
01:22:31to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:40It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we?
01:22:48About things that matter.
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:28And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:58We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:28Hello, Mrs. Barclay.
01:24:46Hello, Mrs. Barclay.
01:24:48Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12But there is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16It's all about three months.
01:25:37Hi!
01:25:41When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:01Don't know.
01:26:05Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like.
01:26:21Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:39Could play shooting in.
01:26:43You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:53Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:09We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45No.
01:27:47Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Who are you?
01:27:53Who are you?
01:27:55Who are you?
01:27:57Who are you?
01:27:59Who are you?
01:28:01Who are you?
01:28:05Who are you?
01:28:07Who are you?
01:28:09Who are you?
01:28:11Who are you?
01:28:13Who are you?
01:28:29And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love, and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:39Getting wet together's fun
01:28:42When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
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