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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58I mean he's picturing their papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on. We're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17But he might come.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:37Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mao Tse-tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14I think she saw the girl.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:35Were you hoping to see Georgie Beste?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:07Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:37Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there, on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:10And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:17Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:32Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:00You might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:21Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:50La, la, la.
00:06:53La, la, la.
00:06:58I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:37Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay,
00:10:24does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:51Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid him for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:18I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Well, tonight's Milky Sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:45Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks. Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match. I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no. You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, erm, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:14:00She just messed up on the mattress tonight.
00:14:01Well...
00:14:02...
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight.
00:14:09Pardon.
00:14:10Oh, er, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:14Did you see that?
00:14:15Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:483-1.
00:15:15Excuse me.
00:15:18I...
00:15:19I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:45Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sorry, sorry.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course.
00:16:32Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:32You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do.
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:54He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not passive-elf-motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:30It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:37Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:41Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01Oh, Beryl Bird.
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Did she, uh...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:20I said...
00:22:20Chips.
00:22:28Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:40Good morning.
00:23:43Good morning.
00:23:46Good morning.
00:23:47Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Charlton for Pope. Long may you reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:44Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52We never see anything.
00:24:55What?
00:24:56Oh, I'm sorry.
00:25:00We never see anything.
00:25:04It's good.
00:25:05It's good.
00:25:06It's good.
00:25:07It's good.
00:25:08We never see anything.
00:25:09We never see anything.
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley low.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promised he's going to take the stream back in Films.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:39That's it, then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:42All over by seven, twenty-three, precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:48Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:33That's what it's all about.
00:27:36For example, with things in common already.
00:27:37Definitely.
00:27:38About what?
00:27:39We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:40Right.
00:27:41And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:42Have you ever been abroad?
00:27:44No.
00:27:45Have you?
00:27:46No.
00:27:47Have you?
00:27:48No.
00:27:49No.
00:27:50Unless you count Istanbul.
00:27:51Istan...
00:27:52Was it beyond belief?
00:27:53I don't know.
00:27:54I was only three.
00:27:55No.
00:27:56No.
00:27:57No.
00:27:58No.
00:27:59No.
00:28:00No.
00:28:01No.
00:28:02No.
00:28:03No.
00:28:04No.
00:28:05No.
00:28:06No.
00:28:07No.
00:28:08No.
00:28:09No.
00:28:10No.
00:28:11No.
00:28:12No.
00:28:13No.
00:28:14No.
00:28:15No.
00:28:16No.
00:28:17No.
00:28:18No.
00:28:19No.
00:28:20No.
00:28:21No.
00:28:22No.
00:28:23No.
00:28:24No.
00:28:25No.
00:28:26No.
00:28:27No.
00:28:28No.
00:28:29No.
00:28:30No.
00:28:31No.
00:28:32No.
00:28:33No.
00:28:34No.
00:28:35No.
00:28:36No.
00:28:37No.
00:28:38No.
00:28:39No.
00:28:40No.
00:28:41No.
00:28:42No.
00:28:43No.
00:28:44No.
00:28:45No.
00:28:46He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. Really. You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have. It's in the eye of the beholder. See? Geoffrey doesn't need someone
00:29:24else when he's tying a knot. He holds it down with his little finger. It must be marvellous
00:29:32being a man. It's OK, I suppose. Men can do anything. Conquer Everest, do heart transplants,
00:29:40become leader of the opposition. Anything.
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl. Read any women's magazine. It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:08Beryl.
00:30:14Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:20Oh, Beryl!
00:30:21Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:29Come back.
00:30:30They're better.
00:30:31It's better.
00:30:32I'm OK.
00:30:33I told you it's going to pour.
00:30:34It's not.
00:30:35Ugh.
00:30:36It's only the angels crying.
00:30:39I know how they feel.
00:30:40Well, don't blame me.
00:30:41I haven't done anything.
00:30:42That's true.
00:30:43That's not true, Beryl.
00:30:44That's not true, Beryl.
00:30:45I have apologised.
00:30:46I keep going down on my knees when I'm talking to you.
00:30:47Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:30:49It must be a bad line.
00:30:50I can't hear you.
00:30:51You'd better apologise again.
00:30:52I apologise again.
00:30:53It's not.
00:30:54I don't blame me.
00:30:55I don't blame me.
00:30:57I haven't done anything.
00:30:58It's not true, Beryl.
00:30:59I have apologised.
00:31:00I keep going down on my knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:01Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:02It must be a bad line.
00:31:03I can't hear you.
00:31:04You'd better apologise again.
00:31:05I apologise again.
00:31:06No.
00:31:07I apologise again.
00:31:08No.
00:31:09No.
00:31:10No.
00:31:11No.
00:31:12No.
00:31:13No.
00:31:14No.
00:31:15No.
00:31:16No.
00:31:17No.
00:31:18No.
00:31:19No.
00:31:20No.
00:31:21Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Jeffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Is that who I think it is?
00:31:32No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich?
00:31:52Is it all sardine? Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:02Isn't it awful? What?
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey. What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians. What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:16Talk to her.
00:32:20I can't speak Portuguese. Tasty.
00:32:24Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil. She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34I have this little baker down the road. He does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:46I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches. Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54I start thinking about life after death.
00:32:57Oh, that Neville, honestly. Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more. Air hostesses. All sorts. Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:19I haven't had one yet. White men speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:29Wow, is that the time at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not. Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:57Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:05So I shouted back at her. No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No. I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you? Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:32Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36There isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right. Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too. It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:06Are we going to put it up?
00:36:07No.
00:36:08We're going to pack it in.
00:36:09Don't say that.
00:36:10Please don't say that.
00:36:11That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:25Is she positive?
00:36:26The test was.
00:36:27What are you going to do?
00:36:28She'll think of something.
00:36:29Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:30Congratulations.
00:36:31I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:32Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:33Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:34Often.
00:36:35Often.
00:37:05Let's go.
00:37:35John for Pope.
00:37:43Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Rowland.
00:38:35It's that I found him intellectually unaware...
00:38:37and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52Good.
00:38:53Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I think he didn't stain a penny.
00:40:53I...
00:40:53I know you're going to knock on his Lanka and look at his mammoth,
00:40:54but wasn't he?
00:40:54I used to let him drapes a 오빠,
00:40:56and I didn't change the
00:41:08little girl under a Fleisch.
00:41:10I thought the girl used to let him,
00:41:12why would you have too much of a token?
00:41:13I haven't got to speak here.
00:41:14At least.
00:41:15I never would've seen him try to take this.
00:41:15what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the
00:41:44art of conversation and dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:14testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is?
00:44:38well
00:44:39people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53goodnight jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:03goodnight uncle steven
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34hey veronica?
00:45:36yes?
00:45:37who the hell's uncle steven at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39a friend of jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42goodnight love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we?
00:45:50and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you?
00:45:56anyway
00:45:57do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow?
00:46:08no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:11not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where?
00:46:16i'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:18what wrens?
00:46:21the royal navy's wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow i'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope i like it
00:46:33thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we?
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have only better
00:46:51goodnight love
00:46:53try our barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast?
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37i'm sorry mum
00:47:38i'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what?
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45i don't jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58i knew you'd understand
00:48:00i knew you'd like to know
00:48:13MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me a rain. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:41You know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:49Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey. It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:28I shan't.
00:49:30It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:38Finally splitting up.
00:49:39He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:40It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:41Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:11Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:22I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:28If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United.
00:50:57I'm excited.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put on an axe.
00:51:44What do you care?
00:51:45I don't have a baby.
00:51:46Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:48Probably.
00:51:49Jeffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:50Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:51What is?
00:51:52Working in a bank.
00:51:53Oh.
00:51:54Oh.
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:51:56I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:36This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:36Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:45If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:15Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:20To any manager, Marks and Spaces.
00:54:24Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39Casinova.
00:54:43What's that like?
00:54:45This.
00:54:47Oh, come on now.
00:54:49You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:56Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty gritties, Phil.
00:54:59OK?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning bras.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's licence.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all-male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Wow, man!
00:56:19Sorry!
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee!
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:29We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:30We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:31Neither of us is boss.
00:56:32It just doesn't arise.
00:56:33We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:34Yes.
00:56:35You see, what we believe is...
00:56:36Now!
00:56:37You see...
00:56:38You see...
00:56:39Where are one?
00:56:40I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:56:42What you doing?
00:56:43Lighting everybody's fire.
00:56:44Burn my bra.
00:56:45Burn my bra.
00:56:46Oh!
00:56:47Right!
00:56:48That's it!
00:56:49That's it!
00:56:50Finished!
00:56:51The end!
00:56:52Four seconds!
00:56:53You see, what we believe is...
00:56:54Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01What are you doing?
00:57:02What are you doing?
00:57:03Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:04Burn my bra.
00:57:05Right!
00:57:06That's it!
00:57:07Finished!
00:57:08The end!
00:57:09Full stop!
00:57:10We've finally split up.
00:57:11Neville!
00:57:12Sandra wants you.
00:57:13I should imagine.
00:57:14Sad, isn't it?
00:57:17Pathetic.
00:57:18Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:19It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:47I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:52Red hair.
00:57:54Not too skinny.
00:57:56Very gentle and shy.
00:57:59Passionate when roused.
00:58:02Yeah.
00:58:03She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet, Robert.
00:58:10I've always thought you were.
00:58:14Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:19It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:44I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:05Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:14Usually.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:37Geoffrey?
00:59:44Sorry.
00:59:51Geoffrey?
00:59:52Ooh.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs.
01:00:00Ooh.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:11Ooh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:47Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:16Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:20I didn't try at all.
01:01:22Gave it to rest.
01:01:26I'm right off, birds.
01:01:28I am.
01:01:29I am.
01:01:30I am.
01:01:32I am.
01:01:34For good.
01:01:36Me too.
01:01:37And me.
01:01:39I'm right off, birds.
01:01:41I am.
01:01:43I am.
01:01:45For good.
01:01:47Me too.
01:01:49And me.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:52And me.
01:02:12Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:16I know either.
01:02:17I know either.
01:02:46Good morning.
01:02:47I know.
01:02:49I know.
01:02:51Well.
01:02:52Well.
01:02:53Well.
01:02:54Well.
01:02:55Well.
01:02:56Well.
01:02:58Well.
01:03:00Well, well.
01:03:02Well.
01:03:04Well.
01:03:05Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:35Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:47Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20Let's go.
01:04:21Let's go.
01:04:26Hello.
01:04:30A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, Madeline?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:02I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:55Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:30Fantastic.
01:08:30Fantastic.
01:08:32The Cowgill's.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:47So, you go bald doing that.
01:08:49I'm sorry.
01:08:50You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:56I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:08living in sin can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:16if I said to you do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano would you
01:09:26say what's it matter so long as they're happily married I don't think so
01:09:31Beryl would giving you a bad time is she oh I wouldn't say that I haven't even mentioned
01:09:45the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship with another single
01:09:51person without everyone thinking she's automatically I never said you were you think it
01:10:01all right Geoffrey I hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never well until I am if I ever do which I fervently hope I never will
01:10:23for someone who's not uttering something when's your old pee coming out
01:10:27no two people have a divine right to happiness Geoffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:44who are you staring at
01:10:51hello you all right son
01:10:57terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then your mother's theory is you're
01:11:02overworking hmm my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird oh what's your theory
01:11:10indigestion oh what's yours Sundance
01:11:15hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if God had meant sardines to
01:11:23be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right
01:11:27the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side willing to compromise we still have deadlock her
01:11:35majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma another wild night
01:11:41learning what no spells and how many of us school pals are getting married and what no spells
01:11:46and what no spells great I might as well go bald and open me own monastery and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now good night
01:12:01here here good one day terrific especially when he said good night
01:12:07we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time just having fun
01:12:14be happy take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:23you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:35make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look beryl how's this for a peace plan
01:12:51you join a marriage bureau and i'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in denmark
01:12:57then we'll both be happy right right
01:13:01good jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell
01:13:06arms up again see you tomorrow
01:13:08where do you think you are going
01:13:11jeffrey i'll get the sack
01:13:18it's important
01:13:19what is
01:13:22i keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:29to be on our own
01:13:31what
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:36what
01:13:37that old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:45the only bit i can remember is and that's what i think
01:13:50last night i dreamt i was in goal for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56grace who
01:13:57she was playing for united as well weird isn't it
01:14:04the main thing is
01:14:10what is
01:14:21what is
01:14:22what is
01:14:23what face
01:14:24what i think
01:14:25go on
01:14:27no you
01:14:27mine wasn't important
01:14:28no mum wasn't
01:14:31Beryl, are you happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No, I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:31Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:38No.
01:15:39I don't think so.
01:15:40Honestly, no.
01:15:41Nothing.
01:15:42If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:44If there isn't anything.
01:15:45Honest.
01:15:46Good.
01:15:47It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:48It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:54Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:00Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:16I see.
01:16:17There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:18In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:21Your mother.
01:16:22Pardon?
01:16:23I like your mother.
01:16:24Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:25Hand her lampshades.
01:16:26Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:28Well, you ought to know.
01:16:29You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:30Anything else I would like?
01:16:31No.
01:16:32No.
01:16:33Anything else at random?
01:16:35You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:36After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:37According to reliable sources, in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:41Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between
01:16:45Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:16:46Ask any opinion poll.
01:16:47I'm much fatter for a star.
01:16:48No.
01:16:49No.
01:16:50No.
01:16:51No.
01:16:52No.
01:16:53No.
01:16:54No.
01:16:55No.
01:16:56No.
01:16:57You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:16:58I am.
01:16:59Start slimming.
01:17:00Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:01If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:02You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:03Always.
01:17:04No.
01:17:05I don't, Beryl.
01:17:06You do.
01:17:07I always fail.
01:17:08Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:09The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:12Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:14Especially for a long time.
01:17:15No.
01:17:16I don't, Beryl.
01:17:17You do.
01:17:18I always fail.
01:17:19Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:24I always like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:27Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:38That's really loveable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43I do now, though.
01:17:54I used to say dig before I met you.
01:18:00I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:06There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:24You're thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:29I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:39Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:09So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:20And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Oh, skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:03Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:37Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:41The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:21:00Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:07And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:09Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:10Fine.
01:21:11This is fine enough.
01:21:12Here?
01:21:13About there, lovely.
01:21:14You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:15Wow.
01:21:16Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:17Ow!
01:21:18Oh, sorry.
01:21:19That's right.
01:21:20Hold it.
01:21:21Lovely.
01:21:24Funny.
01:21:25I remember the Friday lunch time they first met.
01:21:27How have you been?
01:21:28Absolutely great.
01:21:29You?
01:21:30Never better.
01:21:31No.
01:21:32No.
01:21:33No.
01:21:34No.
01:21:35No.
01:21:36No.
01:21:37No.
01:21:38No.
01:21:39No.
01:21:40No.
01:21:41No.
01:21:42No.
01:21:43No.
01:21:44No.
01:21:45No.
01:21:46No.
01:21:47No.
01:21:48No.
01:21:49No.
01:21:50No.
01:21:51No.
01:21:52No.
01:21:53You?
01:21:54Never better.
01:21:55Ever.
01:21:56It's all over now, Father Salmon Salad.
01:22:01It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No. Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:25Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:40Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:45We never really talked, did we? About things that matter.
01:22:50Good, isn't it? Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:22:58We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aww. I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not. It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:27Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:55and marry her three days later.
01:23:57We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16Mm-hmm.
01:24:17with each other sometime.
01:24:19Thank you, it's Steve.
01:24:28— A draft.
01:24:29All onion, when you had to beat him.
01:24:32Unisticated.
01:24:33Bless you.
01:24:35From the earth, we asked him.
01:24:37And he scammed him...
01:24:39I said, hey we must not stay alive.
01:24:41You know, what are you doing?
01:24:42We'll have a great deal with him.
01:24:43You're gonna find out and I'll talk about it a long video with him.
01:24:45Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon Jeffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:19Hi. When's the kick-off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for? I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now then? I don't know.
01:26:03I could always go inside and practice booing for next season. Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights. Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:25Just as friends. Oh I meant just as friends. Yeah I did.
01:26:32I wish we had a ball. I could play shooting in. You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:52Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:20We'll be even happier with someone else. Anyone really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from. All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone Geoffrey. You will Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out.
01:27:53He's My Vice
01:27:58USA!
01:28:02USA!
01:28:05USA!
01:28:09USA!
01:28:23And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:32Love and rainy weather
01:29:34Love and rainy weather
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