- 8/3/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is long!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:44And he's picturing the papers.
00:01:46Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:01:48No I don't want to.
00:01:50I want to wait.
00:01:52I want to wait.
00:01:54I want to wait.
00:01:56But he might come in a minute.
00:01:58Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:00But that was yesterday.
00:02:01He might be here today.
00:02:02Oh no.
00:02:03Oh no.
00:02:04I don't want to wait.
00:02:05I want to wait.
00:02:06I want to wait.
00:02:07I want to wait.
00:02:08I want to wait standing out here.
00:02:09It's stupid.
00:02:10But he might come in a minute.
00:02:11Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:12But that was yesterday.
00:02:13He might be here today.
00:02:14Oh no.
00:02:15I don't really doubt standing here.
00:02:16Come on.
00:02:17I want to wait.
00:02:18You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:19But he might come.
00:02:20Please let's go.
00:02:22Oh no.
00:02:24I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:28I don't fancy yours.
00:02:31Mine? Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:37Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:42Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine? Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mao Tse Tung's grandad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his grandad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn. You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:22I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24Don't you worry.
00:04:25Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:41Every single time.
00:04:42Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:56Every single time.
00:04:58Love and rainy weather.
00:05:00First you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:10And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:31I'm going twisting tonight, then.
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:52Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:00Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:05Really.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hustle.
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:12We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21Yes, please.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:25Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say.
00:06:41I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm hungry.
00:06:43I'm hungry.
00:06:44I'm hungry.
00:06:45I'm hungry.
00:06:46I'm hungry.
00:06:47I'm hungry.
00:06:48La la la.
00:06:52La la la.
00:06:59I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really. I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it. Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who. I sacrificed too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:42Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:07:51Not a dirty weekend.
00:07:52A disgusting one.
00:07:53Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:07:54Oh.
00:07:55Oh.
00:07:56Oh.
00:07:57Oh.
00:07:58Oh.
00:07:59Oh.
00:08:00Oh.
00:08:01Oh.
00:08:02Oh.
00:08:03Oh.
00:08:04Oh.
00:08:05Oh.
00:08:06Oh.
00:08:07Oh.
00:08:08Oh.
00:08:09Oh.
00:08:10Oh.
00:08:11Oh.
00:08:12Oh.
00:08:13Oh.
00:08:14Oh.
00:08:15Oh.
00:08:16Oh.
00:08:17Oh.
00:08:18Oh.
00:08:19Oh.
00:08:21Oh.
00:08:23Oh.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:28It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:46Ah.
00:08:49Oh Sandra, you're as almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:05You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stood.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57They'd paid him for a change instead.
00:12:14I'll say it in for a change instead.
00:12:16Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:28Well, now its beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43No, snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:04Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Well, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:03See you then.
00:14:04Tonight?
00:14:05Pardon?
00:14:06Oh, I...
00:14:07All right then.
00:14:08Right.
00:14:09Super socks.
00:14:10Did you see that?
00:14:11They're all on drugs.
00:14:12A lot of them.
00:14:13oh...
00:14:14Oh.
00:14:15Oh.
00:14:16That's stupid.
00:14:17Right, auntie.
00:14:18Super socks.
00:14:20Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27There's a lot of them.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:47Losing. 3-1.
00:14:57Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:55What do you, uh...
00:15:57What do you sort of reckon?
00:15:58She's a...
00:15:59Fair sort of bird.
00:16:00Sort of.
00:16:01She's all right.
00:16:02I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:03Geoffrey.
00:16:04She's a bird.
00:16:05You having a coffee with us?
00:16:06No thanks, kid.
00:16:07Neville's ravenous.
00:16:08You've just eaten.
00:16:09Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:10Sorry.
00:16:11You see.
00:16:12What I thought was all this trying to do.
00:16:13By implication.
00:16:14Probably by implication.
00:16:15Probably by implication.
00:16:16Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic to our own
00:16:21judgment.
00:16:22You see.
00:16:23Yes.
00:16:24Was he the errand boy?
00:16:25Ken Thingy.
00:16:26Was he the errand boy?
00:16:27Ken Thingy.
00:16:28He directed it.
00:16:29Oh, yes.
00:16:30I was probably the errand boy.
00:16:31Was he the errand boy?
00:16:32Ken Thingy.
00:16:33He directed it.
00:16:34Oh, yes.
00:16:35I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:36Probably.
00:16:37Probably.
00:16:38I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:39Probably.
00:16:40Probably.
00:16:41You see.
00:16:42What I thought was all this trying to do.
00:16:43By implication.
00:16:44Probably by implication.
00:16:45Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see.
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:49Was he the errand boy?
00:16:50Was who the errand boy?
00:16:51Ken Thingy.
00:16:52He directed it.
00:16:53Oh, yes.
00:16:54I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:56Probably.
00:16:57You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:58Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:59It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:00And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:04Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:09Sex.
00:17:10Marriage.
00:17:11Pardon?
00:17:23The number of boys that ask me to marry them.
00:17:26A couple of dates, and how they want to get married.
00:17:30I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:33I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:35Can't thereafter Britain.
00:17:40getting married hmm no actually I find girls and most girls it is a bit obsessed
00:17:53these days not marriage no sex
00:18:00sex that's what I said oh well I'm not like that not by some felt motivated no
00:18:14did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol Ken Russell yeah
00:18:30this is it
00:18:44I won't come in with it being our first date no anyway my mom's gone to bed we'd be on our own
00:18:59is that a reason for me not coming in though yes Jeffrey
00:19:03nice house thank you 25 year mortgage
00:19:18well thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24funny isn't it first date with someone it always leads to one of three things
00:19:33either nothing or something
00:19:37or everything
00:19:41well don't think about Percy Filth at this stage Beryl
00:19:45I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08what is it three two seven double four two one the easy way to remember it is the three and the two
00:20:14make five which is two less than seven then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two
00:20:18which is one um but you mustn't ring me if you don't want no but you can if you do
00:20:23do you want me to not if you'd rather not three two seven double four two one
00:20:29good night
00:20:59well hello mrs. Battersby Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea
00:21:04oh they all have a past life flashed before me then
00:21:07can't be mother's day you'd have forgotten
00:21:13has there been any clips
00:21:16mom I want the benefit of your experience
00:21:20what do you think of Andy Warhol
00:21:23you see Jeffrey has this theory that by implication
00:21:27who's Jeffrey of course Jeffrey knows about these things
00:21:30oh these things everything
00:21:33who's Jeffrey he's fantastically intelligent
00:21:37see Jeffrey's idea
00:21:38better who's Jeffrey
00:21:40oh no one
00:21:43no one's special
00:21:49his name's Jeffrey
00:21:54how did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then
00:22:01what Beryl Bird
00:22:02I told him
00:22:04did she uh
00:22:05did she uh
00:22:07what
00:22:09wow
00:22:13she doesn't then
00:22:16you don't listen do you
00:22:18I said
00:22:19how about sundry
00:22:20chips
00:22:27jam sod
00:22:29not seen him tonight then
00:22:36who
00:22:40I've rather better things to do thank you
00:22:47said he was no one special
00:22:57have they got a phone here
00:22:59why
00:23:01they haven't have they
00:23:04do you want to get some nookie lined up or something
00:23:07if I did do you think I'd be playing darts with you two
00:23:10look are you fed up here
00:23:12are you
00:23:14we'll split after this game
00:23:16anything you say
00:23:17and go for a few of the king's head
00:23:18great
00:23:20and that ends our probe
00:23:22well
00:23:23Monday tomorrow
00:23:25hallelujah
00:23:26pardon
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone
00:23:29but whatever it is you're being done
00:23:31good night
00:23:32morning
00:24:01morning
00:24:01chalton for pope
00:24:11long may you reign
00:24:12amen
00:24:13what's going on
00:24:16pounds up again
00:24:17oh god
00:24:19today's special
00:24:21bloody travelers
00:24:22jacks
00:24:23yeah
00:24:24suddenly everyone's going on holiday
00:24:26so does
00:24:27enjoy yourself while you're young
00:24:29why don't we always do that
00:24:4793 times a day
00:24:49we never see anything
00:24:52my typing not disturbing your singing I hope
00:25:19see jeffrey on sunday
00:25:20oh jeffrey
00:25:24that neville's the greatest
00:25:26is he
00:25:30dishy or is he
00:25:31dishy
00:25:32never promise
00:25:36I'm considering packing jeffrey in
00:25:38one day it was enough
00:25:40why
00:25:42he's cancer
00:25:44he's cancer and I'm libra
00:25:45it's that bad
00:25:46hopeless
00:25:47actually I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:25:51five
00:26:01five
00:26:03which is
00:26:03which is
00:26:04three and two is five
00:26:06which is two less than seven
00:26:07which is
00:26:09which is
00:26:10I see the spanish police are throwing your lot out of ibiza
00:26:16bank clerks
00:26:18your lot
00:26:19football supporters
00:26:21hippies
00:26:23oh
00:26:24my lot
00:26:25that's it then
00:26:41fate
00:26:42all over by 723 precisely
00:26:45so what
00:26:48plenty more where she came from
00:26:51is that the speaking clock
00:26:57is that jeffrey
00:26:58is that beryl
00:26:59yes
00:27:00yes
00:27:02hi
00:27:03hi
00:27:21it's terrifically exciting isn't it
00:27:26getting to know a person
00:27:27fantastic
00:27:28I want to know all about you
00:27:34that's what it's all about
00:27:37for example with things in common already
00:27:41definitely
00:27:42like what
00:27:46we're enormously fond of animals
00:27:51right
00:27:53and we're both from manchester
00:27:56have you ever been abroad
00:28:01no
00:28:03have you
00:28:05no
00:28:05unless you count istanbul
00:28:08istanbul
00:28:09was it beyond belief
00:28:11I don't know
00:28:12I was only three
00:28:13do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:21sometimes
00:28:23I do
00:28:24what now
00:28:27no
00:28:30just
00:28:31just sometimes
00:28:32yes I do
00:28:36such a lot isn't there
00:28:40in getting to know a person
00:28:43hmm
00:28:44he was live and easy-limbed
00:28:51his stride quietly casual
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident
00:28:56and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed
00:29:00assured lopsided grin
00:29:03you know
00:29:07you know Geoffrey
00:29:08you have a really lopsided grin
00:29:10really
00:29:11you know
00:29:12lopsided
00:29:13I don't think I have
00:29:16it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:18see
00:29:21Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:26he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:28it must be marvellous being a man
00:29:32it's ok I suppose
00:29:35men can do anything
00:29:36conquer everest
00:29:38do heart transplants
00:29:40become leader of the opposition
00:29:42anything
00:29:44Geoffrey
00:29:53no spells no
00:29:55it's good for your circulation
00:29:57Beryl
00:29:57read any women's magazine
00:29:59it's good for theirs too
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays
00:30:07all Saturdays
00:30:09Beryl
00:30:11Beryl
00:30:16oh Geoffrey Bobble's bumble
00:30:18oh Beryl
00:30:19oh Geoffrey
00:30:21oh Beryl
00:30:22are you alright what exactly happened don't tell me
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony
00:30:28pardon
00:30:29come back
00:30:35they're better
00:30:36it's better
00:30:37I'm okay
00:30:39I told you it's going to pour
00:30:43it's not
00:30:44it's only the angels crying
00:30:54I know how they feel
00:30:57well don't blame me I haven't done anything
00:31:00that's true
00:31:01that's not true Beryl I have apologised
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you
00:31:08independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer
00:31:11it must be a bad line I can't hear you
00:31:14you'd better apologise again
00:31:16I apologise again
00:31:19gosh this lousy line
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday
00:31:26pardon
00:31:27pardon
00:31:28pardon
00:31:29pardon
00:31:30pardon
00:31:31is that who I think it is
00:31:33no dear
00:31:34well isn't this nice
00:31:47sardine sandwich
00:31:48sardine sandwich
00:31:49are they all sardine
00:31:50yeah
00:31:51she's got her own trawler
00:31:53isn't it awful
00:31:54what
00:31:55I was speaking to Geoffrey
00:31:56what's happening in the world I blame the politicians
00:31:58what for
00:31:59for what's happening in the world
00:32:00what for
00:32:01for what's happening in the world
00:32:05talk to her
00:32:19can't speak Portuguese
00:32:21tasty
00:32:23very in oil
00:32:26nice in oil
00:32:28she's got a bad leg
00:32:31the bread's extremely wholesome
00:32:33why after this little baker down the road
00:32:35he does something with the bleach
00:32:39yes
00:32:46can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches
00:32:49so much as mine goes blank
00:32:54start thinking about life after death
00:33:01oh that Neville honestly
00:33:03number of hearts he must have broken
00:33:05every girl in Manchester nearly
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has
00:33:10probably even more
00:33:12air hostesses
00:33:15all sorts
00:33:17tell me about your terrible past Geoffrey
00:33:20I haven't had one yet
00:33:22white man speak with forked tongue
00:33:24actually I was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:26hmm
00:33:33wow is that the time
00:33:34at this moment in time
00:33:36what have I done
00:33:37is Neville the insanely jealous type
00:33:39right in the slightest
00:33:41you're lucky
00:33:42why is Geoffrey
00:33:44wow
00:33:46wow
00:33:47you're not jealous of all my ex-flames
00:33:49are you
00:33:50course not
00:33:51why should I be
00:33:52please stop interrogating me Geoffrey
00:33:53forget it
00:33:56that's all in the past
00:33:59then nothing to be jealous about
00:34:04who needs drama
00:34:07so I shouted back at her
00:34:08no shop assistant shouts at me I shouted
00:34:10in the end Neville nearly bolted me for swearing
00:34:12he thumped you
00:34:15he thumped you
00:34:16walloped you one
00:34:17no
00:34:18I said nearly
00:34:21you never thump me will you
00:34:24like Neville does Sandra
00:34:26she adores it
00:34:27of course not
00:34:29no
00:34:31Geoffrey
00:34:32Percy filth isn't the only thing in life
00:34:33isn't even one of the things in mine
00:34:34he used to talk to me
00:34:35alright
00:34:36let's talk
00:34:37Geoffrey I've just had the most super idea
00:34:40why is your mum going out
00:34:42may as well pack in really
00:34:44why
00:34:45why
00:34:58why not
00:35:00good thinking
00:35:03thanks for a stimulating few weeks
00:35:06you too it was real
00:35:07psychedelic
00:35:08you can keep me grateful dead LP
00:35:09was scratched anyway
00:35:10it's been a gasp
00:35:13groovy
00:35:14I won't wave from the window
00:35:15no I won't look back anyway
00:35:16good
00:35:17it's been a gasp
00:35:18you've said that once
00:35:19you're well red barrel there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:40about three very lonely sardines
00:35:43mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me you know you can't do it
00:36:00you'll never thump me will you Geoffrey
00:36:02ow
00:36:04Beryl I've just had the most super idea
00:36:06are we going to put it up
00:36:08no
00:36:09we're going to pack it in
00:36:10don't say that
00:36:11please don't say that
00:36:12that
00:36:15Sandra
00:36:16Sandra
00:36:17you're Sandra
00:36:19mine
00:36:23two months
00:36:24two months nine days
00:36:28is she positive
00:36:29the test was
00:36:30what are you going to do
00:36:33she'll think of something
00:36:35Sandra it's stupendous
00:36:39congratulations
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy
00:36:42oh thanks kid
00:36:44Sandra I don't know how you do it
00:36:47often
00:36:48more fun
00:36:49for
00:36:54thank you
00:36:56the
00:36:58that
00:36:59you
00:37:01know
00:37:02yeah
00:37:03yeah
00:37:04yeah
00:37:05yeah
00:37:06yeah
00:37:08yeah
00:37:09yeah
00:37:11yeah
00:37:12yeah
00:37:14yeah
00:37:15John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er... Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er... That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er... Oh, hell no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:11If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she tell you all?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:07I've seen one.
00:39:08You've seen one.
00:39:09You've seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:13I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:15It must be my birthday.
00:39:16Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:33They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:45Was I?
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:48Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:03and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:20Well, let's go inside then.
00:40:23Mmm.
00:40:24Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:27It is me birthday.
00:40:33What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:38I don't believe that question.
00:40:40You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:43I was 11 years old.
00:40:45He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48Toilets!
00:40:49Toilets!
00:40:50Soilets!
00:40:52Toilets!
00:40:53What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:21Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:25No, Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:48Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:54Mm.
00:41:55Mm.
00:41:56Mm.
00:41:57Mm.
00:41:58Mm.
00:41:59Mm.
00:42:00Mm.
00:42:01Mm.
00:42:03Mm.
00:42:05Mm.
00:42:06Mm.
00:42:08Mm.
00:42:09Mm.
00:42:10Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:40I'm fed up.
00:42:44Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:48What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No? They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:04Do you know it's after two o'clock? What's he doing here, then?
00:43:09Well, this is your uncle Stephen. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:20How do you do? Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:24Jeremy, bed. I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:34Even big astronauts. Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:38Do you? Say no. No. I do. Say yes. Shall I tell you? He knows.
00:43:49He has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg. The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do. Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20Yes. People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No. That's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:43Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:49In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5850.
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:23Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:32Hey, Veronica?
00:45:34Yes?
00:45:35Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning?
00:45:38A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:40He's going now.
00:45:43Good night, love.
00:45:47We would've done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:53You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:10Shh.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:15I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls
00:46:28and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:35Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:50Good night, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:46:55Good morning, previous generation.
00:46:57Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:01Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad. And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:01I've picked it up there.
00:48:03I knew you were that.
00:48:06Sal灯
00:48:11a
00:48:15p
00:48:18h
00:48:19Kirk
00:48:20Go where's my papa?
00:48:22What's wrong with you?
00:48:24I'm S Marcinner Laverde.
00:48:26It's a Duh G Within-Tische R consigo.
00:48:28Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again. Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:54Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:18Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:32It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:39It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:40Finally splitting up.
00:49:41He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:45Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:47It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:49Finally splitting up.
00:49:51He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:53Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:55Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:49:56The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:57I expect he's sorry now.
00:49:58I won't even think about it.
00:49:59It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:00It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:01Finally splitting up.
00:50:02He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:03Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:04Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:17The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:19I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:21I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:25She might have changed, of course.
00:50:26If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:29He's fine.
00:50:30I don't know.
00:50:31I'm sorry.
00:50:32I'll be fine.
00:50:33he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise I definitely won't take him
00:50:38back
00:50:41well I'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:48I left with Beryl baby oh hi didn't see you no no me
00:50:54and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then United we're
00:50:58winning every game now I'm good and what's new with Geoffrey then
00:51:09I asked you what was new
00:51:15did you did I say more
00:51:20how's Beryl baby getting on Jeffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me
00:51:26Beryl baby it isn't like you say that again they're all baby what's your name
00:51:34handsome you laugh everybody laughs it's a story of my life you tell it like it is
00:51:43she's putting on an axe
00:51:51what do you care
00:51:54I don't have a baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:04probably
00:52:07Jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15it is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where it's at man
00:52:42lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig
00:52:53sorry I no understand English
00:53:01I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:12she has
00:53:14and which is her husband
00:53:16neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it
00:53:24great beat isn't it
00:53:33great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41if so what's death
00:53:46um
00:53:47a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:06no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage
00:54:11marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13are you a poet
00:54:15never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager
00:54:23Marks and Spencers
00:54:24good job
00:54:26I really dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV
00:54:35this
00:54:37what's on BBC
00:54:39Casinova
00:54:43what's that like
00:54:45this
00:54:47oh come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it
00:54:56clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay
00:55:00women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a wide wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:27you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass
00:55:33Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:56would you please stop saying that
00:55:59you believe in free love right
00:56:01you're wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10no
00:56:11oh sorry wow man sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass
00:56:23jeffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26I said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:28oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see what we believe is
00:56:52you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:01what you're doing
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it
00:57:31pathetic
00:57:34well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life
00:57:43that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50a perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04should pack me in for picking my teeth
00:58:08with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet Roland
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you're very nearly
00:58:18have a lopsided grin
00:58:20it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49do you know you can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Jeffrey's got to
00:59:01he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23but I think I'm dying
00:59:25he'll be all right
00:59:26honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:30she said
00:59:31Jeffrey
00:59:35Jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45Jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit Jeffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:07call Dr. Wise
01:00:15put a
01:00:15Quilmslow road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana
01:00:22you know
01:00:23what was it then
01:00:27grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40is that you Beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since 10
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Jeffrey
01:01:09that's good
01:01:33do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:37I didn't try at all
01:01:39gave it to rest
01:01:44I'm right off birds
01:01:46I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:53and me
01:01:55good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17can I
01:02:18good morning
01:02:19and me
01:02:24I
01:02:26have a
01:02:28good morning
01:02:29to
01:02:29peace
01:02:29to
01:02:29for
01:02:30to
01:02:32to
01:02:33to
01:02:35to
01:02:35to
01:02:35to
01:02:36to
01:02:36to
01:02:37to
01:02:38to
01:02:38the
01:02:39to
01:02:40to
01:02:40to
01:02:41to
01:02:43to
01:02:45A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:15Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, barrel.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:34Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:55I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:59PHONE RINGS
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21It's a small world.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:07You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:32Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:44Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:51Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:24Fantastic.
01:08:26The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:44Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:54I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains living in sin.
01:09:11Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:17If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:32Beryl would.
01:09:35Given you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:48Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:55You think it!
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:17Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:35You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:45What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:52Hello?
01:10:53You all right, son?
01:10:54Terrific.
01:10:55Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:09Indigestion.
01:11:10Oh.
01:11:11What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:14Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:15He has said one thing.
01:11:16Oh, what's that?
01:11:17If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks, all right.
01:11:24The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:33Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells?
01:11:47And what NO spells?
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:23You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:31That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:36Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:04Hands up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:06Where do you think you're going?
01:13:08Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:09It's important.
01:13:10What is?
01:13:11I keep asking you what is.
01:13:13What is?
01:13:14To be on our own.
01:13:15What?
01:13:16So's we can talk.
01:13:17What?
01:13:18Had a whole speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:20What is?
01:13:23I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:27What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:17What face do I want you to...
01:14:20See what I've...
01:14:21Go on.
01:14:22No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:23No, mine wasn't.
01:14:24Beryl?
01:14:25Are you...
01:14:27Happy?
01:14:28Of course.
01:14:29Very.
01:14:30I am.
01:14:31I am.
01:14:32No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:36No.
01:14:37I am.
01:14:38I am.
01:14:39No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:43No.
01:14:44I am.
01:14:45Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:14:47Do you think?
01:14:48Probably.
01:14:49Probably.
01:14:50I've not actually said the words often.
01:14:51Well, no.
01:14:52Not in so many words.
01:14:53Well, not in so many words.
01:15:24I am.
01:15:25I am.
01:15:26I am.
01:15:27I am.
01:15:28I am.
01:15:29I am.
01:15:30I am.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:00Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:06Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:15No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:17I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really loveable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43I do now, though.
01:17:53I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:03There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:09I've heard that.
01:18:10I don't know what you're saying.
01:18:12I don't know what you're saying.
01:18:28Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:40Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24A teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:54We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know, spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:12It's a big day for you.
01:21:13It's a big day for you.
01:21:14It's a big day for you.
01:21:15It's a big day for you.
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:41Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Bride parents...
01:21:44Funny.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05Yes.
01:22:12See, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:22Oh?
01:22:23Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:27Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45In bed a bet.
01:23:50And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:06I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:10Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:40Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:05Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53I forgot.
01:25:55I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:59Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:05Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well. If you like.
01:26:22Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:36Wish we had a ball.
01:26:39Could play shooting in.
01:26:43You could go in goal.
01:26:44Yeah.
01:26:50Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:15Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50OK.
01:27:51I'm pretty excited.
01:27:53Dissentid! Dissentid! Dissentid! D пох tek!
01:27:58Dously! Dously! Dously! Dously!
01:28:00Dously! Dously! Dously! Dously!
01:28:05And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:56Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:33I want to be read out
01:29:41Come on.
01:29:42Good morning.
01:29:43Hurry up.
01:29:44Hurry up.
01:29:45Excellent.
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