- 8/3/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:54Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. He'll be really deaf standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:31Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:07Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:37Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41It's psychosomatic.
00:08:46Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:17no i don't tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo it does not i thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:11:02miss bardo
00:11:06marry me
00:11:06you know what they say once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:29about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:36did you have a good time last night great did you
00:11:39satisfied i stayed in for a change did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offense
00:11:55not that i have done played him for a change instead
00:12:06no to be one night
00:12:18ticket i ain't got me ticket we're late already see you behind the goal then
00:12:34Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:04I'm sorry.
00:13:11Different girl every night, it's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:30Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you. No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:48I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:49I am.
00:13:50Which?
00:13:51Which are you?
00:13:52Any.
00:13:53I am.
00:13:54See you then.
00:13:55Tonight?
00:13:56Pardon?
00:13:57Oh, I...
00:13:58All right then.
00:13:59Right.
00:14:01Super socks.
00:14:03Did you see that?
00:14:04They're all on drugs.
00:14:05A lot of them.
00:14:06They're all on drugs.
00:14:07A lot of them.
00:14:08They're all on drugs.
00:14:09They're all on drugs.
00:14:10A lot of them.
00:14:11They're all on drugs.
00:14:12They're all on drugs.
00:14:13A lot of them.
00:14:14They're all on drugs.
00:14:15They're all on drugs.
00:14:16They're all on drugs.
00:14:17They're all on drugs.
00:14:18A lot of them.
00:14:19They're all on food.
00:14:24Good score.
00:14:25Losing.
00:14:42The score?
00:14:46Losing. 3-1.
00:15:12Excuse me, I...
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Peace, ma'am. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial? Pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:40I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13Yes.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course.
00:16:31Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see...
00:16:36What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:39Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Where's he feel?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not passive health motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:32No.
00:18:33No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:52I won't come in.
00:18:53Would it be our first date?
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed would be on our own.
00:18:58own. Is that a reason for me not coming in, though? Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:13Nice house. Thank you. 25 year mortgage.
00:19:20Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:26Funny, isn't it? First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing or something.
00:19:39Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:47No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:103274421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16and two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Erm...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:273274421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:31Don't ring me up.
00:20:32Monday mornings is okay.
00:20:34I'll share something.
00:20:36I'm sorry.
00:20:37Bye-bye
00:20:46Three, time...
00:20:50Time's happening.
00:20:53Boy, you'll try to open things up.
00:20:55Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:49No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:05Does she, uh...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:10Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:14We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17And go for a few of the King's Ed.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:44Morning.
00:24:00Morning.
00:24:01Morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may it reign.
00:24:12Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Except those.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:25:12There's a maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this dream back in film.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:11I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25And the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:42All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:46Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:48Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:50Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:51Is that Beryl?
00:26:51Yes.
00:26:52Yes.
00:26:52Hi.
00:26:53Hi.
00:26:54Hi.
00:26:55Hi.
00:26:55Hi.
00:26:55Hi.
00:26:56It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:26:59It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:01Getting to know a person.
00:27:02Fantastic.
00:27:02It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:06Getting to know a person.
00:27:07Fantastic.
00:27:07I want to know all about you.
00:27:20That's what it's all about.
00:27:21Oh.
00:27:21It's very exciting, isn't it?
00:27:22Getting to know a person.
00:27:24Fantastic.
00:27:25I want to know all about you.
00:27:31That's what it's all about.
00:27:36Well...
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just... just sometimes.
00:28:33Yes, I do.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:20See?
00:29:22Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:32It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:34Men can do anything.
00:29:36Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:42Anything!
00:29:52Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:54No.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey bubbles, Bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:20Oh, Beryl.
00:30:21Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:47There.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:58I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:03I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line.
00:31:12I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:15I apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:31:56Isn't it awful?
00:32:04What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:47Can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:49My mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:16Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Hmm.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:38Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why is Geoffrey?
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:05So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you.
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:55Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:09Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too, it was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:18I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21It's groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:30You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well red barrel.
00:35:42There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:14Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:37Yes.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:37:07I don't know how you do it.
00:37:10It's all political work so much to me.
00:37:29Really, I would love you to see your left foot.
00:37:33Yeah.
00:37:34John for Pope. Long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Rowland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware...
00:38:37And psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52Good.
00:38:53Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I don't believe that question was very funny.
00:41:09Mm.
00:41:12Mm.
00:41:12I don't believe that.
00:41:15All right.
00:41:16what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:43shows you the art of conversation and dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:13testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:54they just mark it
00:42:56anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well
00:43:12this is your uncle Steven
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't my mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from do you say no no I do say yes shall I tell you he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:03who told you that then they go through the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:30no that's people what is well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy 25 p 50 50
00:45:12good night uncle Steven
00:45:23we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:24and how
00:45:25can't
00:45:27and how
00:45:32can't
00:45:34you
00:45:36can't
00:45:38it
00:45:39have
00:45:40you
00:45:41can't
00:45:42you
00:45:43can't
00:45:44you
00:45:45can't
00:45:46you
00:45:47can't
00:45:48can't
00:45:49can't
00:45:50you
00:45:51can't
00:45:52the
00:45:53You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:09Well, tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls
00:46:29and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:41We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:43Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have.
00:46:51Any better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:55Try a barrel.
00:46:56Good morning, previous generation.
00:46:57Good morning.
00:46:58Good morning.
00:46:59Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:03Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:12What's for breakfast?
00:47:18previous generation what's for breakfast you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the
00:47:36flaming roof I'm sorry mom I'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what dad you understand I don't Jeffrey well you always say you do Jeffrey you're at it every
00:47:53night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different I knew you'd understand
00:48:11I'll be right back
00:48:30Charlton for Pope on me around what's going on pounds down again open down like a pair of knickers you
00:48:39should know or me not me what a night a lot including action replays in slow motion hey lads I picked up a
00:48:58bit of spare last night who didn't no it's true yes Jeffrey it is yes Jeffrey
00:49:06bloody is
00:49:13poor Jeffrey Beryl please it's Neville's engagement party as well you had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel see other girls I shan't take him back Sandra I shan't it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up he only had one
00:50:08ambition in life send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:16good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire Navy gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:26he's got to accept we finally split up otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well I'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:49baby oh hi didn't see you no nor me and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57United we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good and what's new with Jeffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:12did you
00:51:13did you did I say more
00:51:18pardon
00:51:20how's Beryl baby getting on then
00:51:22Jeffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you say that again Beryl baby what's your name handsome
00:51:36you'll laugh everybody laughs it's a story of my life you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:46she used to put him on an axe
00:51:52what do you care
00:51:54I don't have a baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:04probably
00:52:07Jeffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15what is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where he's at
00:52:41what's a beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig
00:52:53I'm sorry I know understand english
00:53:01I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:14and which is her husband
00:53:16it's warming up isn't it
00:53:22it's warming up isn't it
00:53:24great beat isn't it
00:53:33great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41if so what's death
00:53:46um
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:06no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13are you a poet
00:54:15never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager
00:54:23of the mugs and spencers
00:54:24which I
00:54:26I really dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV
00:54:35this
00:54:37what's on BBC
00:54:39what's that like
00:54:45this
00:54:47come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay
00:55:00women's lip
00:55:10is not about
00:55:11burning brass
00:55:13papers
00:55:13yeah
00:55:14what papers
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic
00:55:22about this
00:55:22all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a wide wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:27you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass
00:55:33Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says
00:55:37every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly
00:55:42value my independence
00:55:43but most girls
00:55:45definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:46if you can't
00:55:48conduct an intelligent
00:55:49conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51I'm not recourse
00:55:52into anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you
00:55:53what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55balls
00:55:56would you please
00:55:58stop saying that
00:55:59you believe in free love
00:56:01right
00:56:01you're wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist
00:56:06pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:13excuse me if you've got your hand on me
00:56:14excuse me if you've got your hand on me
00:56:15no
00:56:15oh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18wow man sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass
00:56:23Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26I said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:28oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see what we believe
00:56:52you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:02what you're doing
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it
00:57:30pathetic
00:57:33well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet
00:58:10you're very sweet
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:19it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:35I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh sorry
00:58:50do you know
00:58:55what girl
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Jeffrey's got to
00:59:01he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23but I think I'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right
00:59:26honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who?
00:59:30she said
00:59:31Jeffrey
00:59:34Jeffrey
00:59:36sorry
00:59:45Jeffrey
00:59:52move up a bit Jeffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time
01:00:07isn't it
01:00:08call Dr. Weisberg
01:00:15Quilmslow Road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana
01:00:22you know
01:00:23what was it then?
01:00:28grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40is that you Beryl?
01:00:55had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed
01:01:04since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:12that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling
01:01:34you're trying too hard
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off
01:01:45birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know
01:02:15if you have a reservation
01:02:16at this hotel
01:02:17good night
01:02:42Oh, a barrel, a barrel.
01:03:12Oh, Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, barrel, oh, Geoffrey, oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:57Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:33The small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:18I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays, try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:36I think I nearly love you.
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:06:39What?
01:06:40I think I only love you.
01:06:45All right, let's go.
01:06:47Go on.
01:06:52Are you kidding me?
01:06:53You must be fine!
01:06:55You must be fine.
01:06:57And you must be fine.
01:06:59Oh, my God.
01:07:00Yeah.
01:07:01Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No, dear.
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling, things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:12Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:53Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:48I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:14Happy!
01:12:16Take two a day after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:44Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:11Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:33What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37What?
01:13:41I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United,
01:13:54and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:15What?
01:14:24See, what I...
01:14:25See, what I...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:46Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:10Do you think?
01:15:10Do you think?
01:15:10Do you think?
01:15:15Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:39Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources, in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:30I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:39Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St. Anne's Square.
01:19:01St. Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42Which is sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra,
01:20:38this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest,
01:20:49seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside,
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more,
01:20:56no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please,
01:21:03you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:10Yeah.
01:21:10It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:12And now, one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely. You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow. Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow! Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right. Hold it. Lovely. Thank you.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny. I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great. You?
01:21:52Never better. Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now. Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why? Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we?
01:22:48About things that matter.
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:56Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:48And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:18Oh, yeah.
01:24:20Oh, yeah.
01:24:22Oh.
01:24:22Oh, yeah.
01:24:31Oh, yeah.
01:24:32Oh, yeah.
01:24:32Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:58You won't remember me.
01:25:00Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:03Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:07She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:30Hi.
01:25:41When's the kick-off?
01:25:43In about three months.
01:25:45Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:47Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:50I forgot.
01:25:52I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:55Where will you go now, then?
01:25:58Don't know.
01:26:00Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:05Where will you?
01:26:06Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:09Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:12Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:14May as well, if you like.
01:26:16Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:18Just as friends.
01:26:19Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:21Yeah, I did.
01:26:23Wish we had a ball.
01:26:24We could play shooting in.
01:26:26You could go in goal.
01:26:28I'm sure.
01:26:31I'm not sure.
01:26:33I'm sure.
01:26:35I'm not sure.
01:26:36I'm sure you're not sure if you're in the country.
01:26:39You're not sure if you aren't sure if you're in the country.
01:26:42May as well.
01:26:44If you like.
01:26:45Don't mind.
01:26:46Why not?
01:26:47Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:18We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:23Anyone, really.
01:27:32There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:39You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:42You will, Beryl.
01:27:44Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:47Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Germany! Germany!
01:28:00Germany! Germany!
01:28:04Germany! Germany!
01:28:05Germany!
01:28:08Germany!
01:28:12And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:31Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Love and rainy
01:29:37Lithuanian realization
01:29:37Love and rainy weather
01:29:39Love and rainy weather
01:29:42.......
Recommended
0:18
|
Up next
0:18
1:17:58
1:36:29
1:17:13
1:23:36
1:59:51
1:58:49
41:52
41:58
1:38:55
1:42:15
1:03:38
46:47
1:21:36