- 8/3/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:02:03No I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:04I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh wait he might come in a minute.
00:02:17Oh wait he might come.
00:02:17Please let's go.
00:02:22Oh no.
00:02:23I told you so didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36They were being stared at.
00:02:38Where?
00:02:39Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace man.
00:03:33Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:03:59It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:22Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I've never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:09:54Got it.
00:09:55Got what?
00:09:57You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester, lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Hooray.
00:11:38Did you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:41I saved him for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I saved him for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:21See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Mary!
00:12:26Mary!
00:12:28Mary!
00:12:30Mary!
00:12:32Mary!
00:12:34Mary!
00:12:36Mary!
00:12:38Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:42Snooty old bag.
00:12:48Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still,
00:12:58who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her
00:13:16before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making
00:13:22the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:30Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:32No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not specially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well...
00:13:42No.
00:13:43I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:54I am.
00:13:55Which?
00:13:56Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right, then.
00:14:11Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:483-1.
00:14:57Excuse me.
00:15:16Excuse me.
00:15:17I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:31Oh, um...
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:33Surprise, surprise.
00:15:34Surprise.
00:15:35In anywhere controversial?
00:15:37Pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:39She's slim.
00:15:40I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:41Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:23You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No, thanks, kid.
00:16:25Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course.
00:16:31Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see...
00:16:36What I thought Kenneth was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls...
00:17:49Most girls, that is.
00:17:51A bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:00That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not person-felt motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:28Ken Russell?
00:18:29Yeah.
00:18:30No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:52I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:17Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:26Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:42Well, don't think about Percy Philth at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:19:52God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:55Oh!
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:10Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:22You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:07Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27German sod.
00:22:28Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:32Who?
00:22:33I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:34Said he was no-one special.
00:22:35Have they got a phone here?
00:22:36Why?
00:22:37They haven't, have they?
00:22:38They haven't, have they?
00:22:39Do you want to get some Nookie lined up, or something?
00:22:40Do you want to get some Nookie lined up, or something?
00:22:41Do you want to get some Nookie lined up, or something?
00:22:43If I did, do you think I'd be playing dance with you two?
00:22:48Look, are you fed up here?
00:22:53Said he was no one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:12Are you?
00:23:14We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:20And that ends our probe.
00:23:22Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:52Good morning.
00:23:53Good morning.
00:23:54Good morning.
00:23:55Good morning.
00:23:56Good morning.
00:23:57Good morning.
00:23:58Good morning.
00:23:59Good morning.
00:24:00Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:02Good morning.
00:24:03Good morning.
00:24:04Good morning.
00:24:05Good morning.
00:24:06Good morning.
00:24:07Good morning.
00:24:08Good morning.
00:24:09Good morning.
00:24:10Good morning.
00:24:11Good morning.
00:24:12Good morning.
00:24:13Good morning.
00:24:14Good morning.
00:24:15Good morning.
00:24:16pounds up again. oh god. today's special. bloody travelers jacks. yeah. suddenly
00:24:25everyone's going on holiday. so does. enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:31why do we always do that? 93 times a day. we never see anything.
00:25:01my timing not disturbing your singing i hope. see jeffrey on sunday.
00:25:22oh jeffrey. that neville's the greatest.
00:25:26is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35never promised. i'm considering packing jeffrey in.
00:25:39one date was enough. why? he's cancer and i'm libra. is that bad? hopeless.
00:25:49actually i'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:56five. five. which is which is three and two is five. which is two less than seven.
00:26:08which is i.
00:26:13i see the spanish police are throwing your lot out of ibiza.
00:26:17bank clerks. your lot. football supporters. hippies. oh my lot.
00:26:26at the third stroke it will be 7 22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:36it will be 7 22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38that's it then. fate. all over by 7 23 precisely.
00:26:48so what? plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55is that the speaking clock? is that jeffrey? is that beryl? yes. yes. hi.
00:27:02hi. it's terrifically exciting isn't it? getting to know a person. fantastic.
00:27:28i want to know all about you. that's what it's all about.
00:27:39for example with things in common already. definitely.
00:27:45about what?
00:27:46we're enormously fond of animals. right. and we're both from manchester.
00:28:00have you ever been abroad? no. have you? no. unless you count istanbul. istanbul?
00:28:10was it beyond belief? i don't know. i was only three.
00:28:19do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22sometimes. i do.
00:28:26what now?
00:28:29no. just just sometimes.
00:28:32yes i do.
00:28:39such a lot isn't there?
00:28:42in getting to know others.
00:28:43hmm.
00:28:44he was lithe and easy-limbed. his stride quietly casual.
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident. and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured lopsided grin.
00:29:03you know, jeffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. really? you know, lopsided.
00:29:15i don't think i have. it's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21see?
00:29:23jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:25he holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30it must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34it's okay, i suppose.
00:29:34men can do anything.
00:29:37conquer everest.
00:29:38do heart transplants.
00:29:40become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44anything!
00:29:53jeffrey, no spells no.
00:29:56it's good for your circulation, beryl.
00:29:58read any women's magazine.
00:30:00it's good for theirs too.
00:30:01i'm not sure they recommend percyfilth on tuesdays.
00:30:05i only see you on tuesdays and saturdays.
00:30:07all saturdays.
00:30:10beryl.
00:30:15beryl.
00:30:16oh jeffrey bobblesbomba.
00:30:18oh beryl.
00:30:19oh jeffrey.
00:30:21oh beryl.
00:30:23are you all right? what exactly happened? don't tell me.
00:30:26i just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28pardon?
00:30:34come back.
00:30:35they're better.
00:30:36it's better.
00:30:36i'm okay.
00:30:37i told you it's going to pour.
00:30:42it's not.
00:30:52it's only the angels crying.
00:30:55i know how they feel.
00:30:56well don't blame me.
00:30:59i haven't done anything.
00:31:00that's true.
00:31:03that's not true beryl.
00:31:04i have apologized.
00:31:06i keep going down on me knees when i'm talking to you.
00:31:08independent observers think i'm training to be a cossack dancer.
00:31:12it must be a bad line.
00:31:13i can't hear you.
00:31:14you'd better apologize again.
00:31:18i apologize again.
00:31:20gosh this lousy line.
00:31:23i wonder if jeffrey would like to come to tea on sunday.
00:31:26pardon?
00:31:28pardon?
00:31:30is that who i think it is?
00:31:33no dear.
00:31:46well isn't this nice?
00:31:51sardine sandwich.
00:31:53is it all sardine?
00:31:54yeah.
00:31:54she's got her own trawler.
00:32:03isn't it awful?
00:32:05what?
00:32:06i was speaking to jeffrey.
00:32:08what's happening in the world?
00:32:09i blame the politicians.
00:32:11what for?
00:32:12for what's happening in the world.
00:32:18talk to her.
00:32:21i can't speak portuguese.
00:32:22tasty.
00:32:26they're in oil.
00:32:28nice in oil.
00:32:28she's got a bad leg.
00:32:32the bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34i have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40yes.
00:32:47i can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50mine goes blank.
00:32:52i'll start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01oh that neville honestly.
00:33:03number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05every girl in manchester nearly.
00:33:08jeffrey definitely has.
00:33:10probably even more.
00:33:13air hostesses.
00:33:14all sorts.
00:33:16tell me about your terrible past jeffrey.
00:33:20i haven't had one yet.
00:33:22white man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24actually i was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26hmm.
00:33:33wow is that the time.
00:33:34at this moment in time.
00:33:35what have i done?
00:33:37is neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40right in the slightest.
00:33:42you're lucky.
00:33:43why is jeffrey?
00:33:45wow.
00:33:47you're not jealous of all my ex-flames are you?
00:33:50course not.
00:33:50why should i be?
00:33:52please stop interrogating me jeffrey.
00:33:53forget it.
00:33:56that's all in the past.
00:33:59then nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00who needs drama?
00:34:07so i shouted back at her.
00:34:08no shop assistant shouts at me i shouted.
00:34:10in the end neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14he thumped you?
00:34:16walloped you on?
00:34:18no.
00:34:19i said nearly.
00:34:23you never thump me will you?
00:34:24like neville does sandra.
00:34:27she adores it.
00:34:28of course not.
00:34:31no.
00:34:34jeffrey, percy filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37it isn't even one of the things in mind.
00:34:38you used to talk to me.
00:34:40all right.
00:34:41let's talk.
00:34:46jeffrey, i've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48why? is your mum going out?
00:34:53may as well pack in really.
00:34:54why?
00:34:59why not?
00:35:03good thinking.
00:35:03thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12you too. it was real.
00:35:14psychedelic.
00:35:16you can keep me grateful dead lp.
00:35:17was scratched anyway.
00:35:19it's been a gasp.
00:35:21groovy.
00:35:22i won't wave from the window.
00:35:25no.
00:35:25i won't look back anyway.
00:35:27good.
00:35:29it's been a gasp.
00:35:29you've said that once.
00:35:30you're well red barrel.
00:35:41there's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45about three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53you know you can't do it.
00:36:00you'll never thought of me, will you, jeffrey?
00:36:05i just had the most super idea.
00:36:07are we going to post it now?
00:36:08no.
00:36:09we're going to pack it in.
00:36:10don't say that.
00:36:11please don't say that.
00:36:12that.
00:36:15sandra.
00:36:16sandra.
00:36:18you're sandra.
00:36:19mine.
00:36:23two months.
00:36:24two months nine days.
00:36:28is she positive?
00:36:29the test was.
00:36:30what are you going to do?
00:36:33she'll think of something.
00:36:35sandra.
00:36:36it's stupendous.
00:36:39congratulations.
00:36:40i hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42oh thanks kid.
00:36:44sandra.
00:36:45i don't know how you do it.
00:36:48often.
00:36:59i don't know how you do it.
00:37:03it's not unnecessary.
00:37:04it's a good idea.
00:37:08it's a good idea.
00:37:09it's a good idea.
00:37:14it's a bad idea.
00:37:16it's a good idea.
00:37:20it's a bad idea.
00:37:24can you tell me.
00:37:26yeah.
00:37:28John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:28All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:11Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23It must be my birthday.
00:39:24Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was it?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:17Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Mmm, please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 1-4 years old.
00:41:04what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:34when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of
00:41:44conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:04testing testing oh Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished
00:42:24yourself
00:42:37I'm fed up who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:32even big astronauts do you know where babies come from do you say no no I don't say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and
00:43:53there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well and they go through
00:43:59his male organ into the female uterus at the lady house who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes
00:44:06after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year but
00:44:25animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time no that's people what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork good night Jeremy 25p 50 50
00:45:03good night uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey Veronica yes who the hell's uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's he's going now
00:45:42good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we and how
00:45:51you can't win them all can you anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18Wrens what Wrens? the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:26this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors hope I like it
00:46:32well thanks thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53good night
00:46:55try a barrel
00:47:04morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while we
00:47:36were fiddling on the flaming roof I'm sorry mum I'll take you out another night something cropped
00:47:41up like what dad you understand I don't Jeffrey we always say you do Jeffrey you're at it every
00:47:53night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different I knew you'd understand
00:48:11I'll talk about on me around what's going on pounds down again open down like a pair of knickers you
00:48:39should know or me not me what a night a lot including action replays in slow motion hey lads I picked up a
00:48:58bit of spare last night who didn't it's true yes Jeffrey it is yes Jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes
00:49:13poor Jeffrey
00:49:17Beryl please it's Neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel
00:49:24he'll see other girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up
00:49:54he only had one ambition in life send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course
00:50:29if she has I might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:39well I'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby
00:50:49oh hi
00:50:50didn't see you
00:50:51no nor me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57United
00:50:58we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good
00:51:01and what's new with Jeffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you
00:51:17did I say more
00:51:18pardon
00:51:20how's Beryl baby getting on then
00:51:22Jeffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome
00:51:35you laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe
00:51:51what do you care
00:51:54I don't know what baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:04probably
00:52:07Jeffrey
00:52:10Jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15it is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat
00:52:40gets it together
00:52:41where it's at
00:52:41lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig
00:52:53I'm sorry I no understand English
00:53:01I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:13she has
00:53:14and which is her husband
00:53:16neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it
00:53:23great beat isn't it
00:53:32great to dance to
00:53:34do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41if so what's death
00:53:45um
00:53:47a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:54have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:00no
00:54:01but I've seen the film
00:54:04you married
00:54:05no
00:54:07grab yourself an adage
00:54:09marriage
00:54:10marriage
00:54:11is a cabbage
00:54:12are you a poet?
00:54:15never ask the questions
00:54:16ask the answers
00:54:18you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager at Marks and Spencers
00:54:24good job
00:54:26I really dirt you
00:54:28now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:31what's on ITV?
00:54:34this
00:54:36what's on BBC
00:54:38cuttin' over
00:54:43what's that like?
00:54:45this
00:54:46oh
00:54:48come on now
00:54:49you know that's not where it's at
00:54:51let's get this
00:54:52what's the word
00:54:53let's get it clear
00:54:55let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:58okay
00:54:59mm
00:55:01women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:12papers yeah
00:55:13what papers?
00:55:15a marriage certificate
00:55:17a dog's license
00:55:18whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:19look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:22all girls want marriage
00:55:23and a white wedding
00:55:24really basic?
00:55:26you want to be really basic?
00:55:28utterly basic
00:55:29balls
00:55:30grass?
00:55:32Enid
00:55:34when Sandra says every girl
00:55:36she means most girls
00:55:38well like herself
00:55:39not me of course
00:55:40because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:42but most girls definitely want
00:55:45balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything
00:55:51I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:53what?
00:55:54balls
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:57would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59you believe in free love right?
00:56:01you're wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:03freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination
00:56:06honestly don't you understand
00:56:08excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:09if we're liberating society for the future I'm sure
00:56:11no thank you
00:56:12excuse me
00:56:13excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:14no
00:56:15argh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18well I'm sorry
00:56:19it's alright
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's pleasure
00:56:22grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey you've knocked to
00:56:24not to
00:56:25why not?
00:56:26I said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:37oh wow
00:56:39we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:41we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:45it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee kid
00:56:49yes
00:56:50you see what we believe is
00:56:51now
00:56:52you see
00:56:53where are one?
00:56:54I can see there's only one way to get through
00:56:59what are you doing?
00:57:01lighting everybody's fire
00:57:05burn my bra
00:57:07right
00:57:08that's it
00:57:09finished
00:57:10the end
00:57:11full stop
00:57:13we've finally split up
00:57:14Neville
00:57:15Sandra wants you
00:57:16I should imagine
00:57:17sad isn't it?
00:57:18pathetic
00:57:19well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:33it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:35I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50a perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:57very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:02yeah
00:58:03she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:07you're very sweet Roland
00:58:09I've always thought you were
00:58:13did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:17it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:19no it's nice
00:58:22I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:23oh sorry
00:58:46I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:48oh sorry
00:58:53do you know
00:58:54what Beryl?
00:58:55she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:03he's upstairs I think
00:59:10is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:12usually
00:59:19oh
00:59:20I hate to be any trouble
00:59:22but I think I'm dying
00:59:23you'll be all right
00:59:24honest
00:59:25she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:28who?
00:59:29she said
00:59:31Geoffrey?
00:59:33Geoffrey?
00:59:35Geoffrey?
00:59:39sorry
00:59:43Geoffrey?
00:59:44sorry
00:59:50Geoffrey?
00:59:51ooh
00:59:52move up a bit Geoffrey
00:59:53put your legs
00:59:54ooh
00:59:55that's better
00:59:57it's because it's your first time isn't it?
00:59:58ooh
00:59:59ooh
01:00:00ooh
01:00:01that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it?
01:00:04ooh
01:00:05ooh
01:00:06ooh
01:00:07ooh
01:00:08ooh
01:00:09ooh
01:00:10ooh
01:00:11ooh
01:00:12ooh
01:00:13call Dr. Weisberg
01:00:14Quilmslow Road
01:00:15Willmslow Road
01:00:20it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:22what was it then?
01:00:26grass
01:00:27grass
01:00:29grass is marijuana
01:00:32this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:39that you Beryl?
01:00:50had a nice time?
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:00if you've had a nice time
01:01:02even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:04having a good night's worry
01:01:08did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave me to rest
01:01:43I'm right off birds
01:01:46I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:53good morning
01:02:13your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:16can I then
01:02:23I am
01:02:37that's it
01:02:41that's he
01:02:43and
01:02:45it
01:02:46and
01:02:48someone
01:02:49tells
01:02:50Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:11Geoffrey.
01:03:16Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello. Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:53I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in,
01:04:15tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I know.
01:04:22What?
01:04:23I know.
01:04:26Oh, I want to hear you.
01:04:28Oh, well, I have no idea.
01:04:30I don't even know what you do.
01:04:32A small well.
01:04:36A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Look, who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:34Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:05:58Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:01Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Fantastic.
01:08:22The cowgills.
01:08:23The cowgills.
01:08:23Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:24Married couple.
01:08:25Newlyweds.
01:08:25Not long married.
01:08:26You go bald doing that.
01:08:29Doing what?
01:08:29Doing what?
01:08:30If you wear them into the house, you do.
01:08:31How old are you?
01:08:31Quite.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:33Fantastic.
01:08:35The Cowgills. Mr and Mrs Cowgill. Married couple.
01:08:43Newlyweds. Not long married.
01:08:47You go bald doing that. Doing what?
01:08:51Doing what?
01:09:04I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:34Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey. I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:16Marriage?
01:10:17Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am. If I ever do. Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:30No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:47Hello?
01:10:48You all right, son?
01:10:49Terrific.
01:10:50Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:52Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:53Hmm.
01:10:54My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:56Oh.
01:10:57What's your theory?
01:10:58Indigestion.
01:10:59Oh.
01:11:00Oh.
01:11:01What's your theory?
01:11:02Indigestion.
01:11:03Oh.
01:11:04What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:05Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:06He has said one thing.
01:11:07Oh, what's that?
01:11:08If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks.
01:11:09All right.
01:11:10The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:16deadlock.
01:11:17Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this addiction.
01:11:20What's your theory?
01:11:21What's your theory?
01:11:22Indigestion.
01:11:23Oh.
01:11:24What's your theory?
01:11:25Indigestion.
01:11:26Oh.
01:11:27What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:28Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:29He has said one thing.
01:11:30Oh, what's that?
01:11:31If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks.
01:11:34All right.
01:11:35The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:38a part of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting
01:11:44married.
01:11:45And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Goodnight.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:20in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:23You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:29That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:58Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ Superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:04Hands up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:06Where do you think you're going?
01:13:07Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:19What is?
01:13:20I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:25What is?
01:13:26To be on our own.
01:13:27What?
01:13:28So as we can talk.
01:13:29What?
01:13:30Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:34The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:37Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:55Grace who?
01:13:56She was playing for United as well.
01:13:58Weird, isn't it?
01:14:04The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:23See what I think?
01:14:25See what I think?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:34Beryl.
01:14:35Are you...
01:14:36...happy?
01:14:37Of course.
01:14:38Very.
01:14:39I am.
01:14:40No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:43No.
01:14:44I'm not.
01:14:45Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:14:46No.
01:14:47I'm not.
01:14:48Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:14:50Probably.
01:14:51I've not actually said the words often.
01:14:52I've not actually said the words often.
01:14:53I'm not.
01:14:54I'm not.
01:14:55Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:14:59Probably.
01:15:00Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:01Probably.
01:15:02I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:17Well, not in so many words.
01:15:19often. Well, not in so many words. Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No. I don't think so. Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing. If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49There isn't anything. Honest. Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me. It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey. In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know. You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll. I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likable?
01:17:20The extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time. That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:53I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:13I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:34I think so.
01:18:34Stupid臀 music.
01:18:38We just don't like each other.
01:18:40At all.
01:18:40Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St. Anne's Square.
01:19:01St. Anne's Square, please.
01:19:10So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Jeffrey?
01:20:26I know, spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:18Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05See, President, Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03Me mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, meself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:28And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed a bit.
01:23:47In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:34Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:32When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53Forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind.
01:26:22Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:28Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:58Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:28There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Jeffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking two.
01:28:00Picking two!
01:28:02P thinking!
01:28:04Picking two!
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd long TV.
01:28:12Picking two!
01:28:13Picking two!
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Bye 這ciamo
01:29:31visit now
01:29:32Build it
01:29:33It's true
01:29:34It's true
01:29:35It's true
01:29:35It's true
01:29:36It's true
01:29:37We think
01:29:38It's true
01:29:38It's true
01:29:39We think
01:29:41We idea
01:29:42or
01:29:43It still
01:29:44TF
01:29:45We think
Recommended
45:34
|
Up next
1:43:45
1:11:31
50:59
50:58
1:24:41
1:07:32
1:11:11
1:13:41
1:59:51
1:58:49
1:03:06
41:52
41:58
1:59:22
43:47
1:13:12
1:17:26
1:32:12