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00:00I mean, I was drinking fucking vast amounts of booze and taking incredible amounts of drugs.
00:04I mean, I'll tell my doctor this and he goes, how the fuck are you alive, you know?
00:09Why are you breathing? I'm a biological miracle, that's part of it.
00:13Right, but the initial thing is, I mean, I went to, you know, my wife put me in Betty Ford,
00:19and this is a God's honest truth, hoping that that would teach me to drink like a gentleman.
00:24Because I was like a pirate, man, I'd just bar dive and just throw everything down.
00:30Like, it would have been nice if you had a few cocktails and could stop.
00:32I go in there with like a George Armani suit and everything, I've got my tie and I'm ready for a go, you know?
00:39Right.
00:39And so, direct me to the cocktail bar and they all look at me as if I'm just landing from Mars, you know?
00:45You go to Betty Ford and ask her for the cocktail bar.
00:46That's what I did, man.
00:49And when they told you to...
00:50That's the only way she could get me in the goddamn place.
00:53Oh, she didn't tell you you'd have to be dry.
00:56Yeah, right.
00:56I walk in.
00:57And you thought it was just a place where you go to...
00:59I've got pockets fulls of Valiums, Quaaludes, Coke.
01:02And they go, empty your pockets.
01:04And I go, no, why?
01:05And I go, you've got itemizers, Valiums, Quaaludes, Cocaine, syringes.
01:11Right.
01:12Buttle openers, cranks of beer.
01:14They must have thought you were insane.
01:16They probably didn't even...
01:16Don't you know where you're going?
01:18And I'm going...
01:19Because the only way my wife could get me to go in was she goes,
01:22Look, they'll teach you to do it properly.
01:24Right.
01:25You know, I thought I was doing it wrong
01:26because I kept waking up being weird and wild places.
01:29Right.
01:29So you said, well, maybe there's a way...
01:30Right, well, maybe there's a way that I could learn...
01:32I just don't know how to drink.
01:33Yeah, maybe I should drink like a gentleman.
01:34Just have a couple of beers or something like this.
01:37That's what I went there for.
01:38Yeah, take one or two Ludes.
01:39Then they go, then they go like, uh-uh.
01:41Uh-uh, you can't have anything.
01:42But it's like the doors are closed.
01:44And you can't get out.
01:45Betty Ford walks in, she's like...
01:47Time's a chase, and time's a strange.
01:50Here I come, but I ain't the same.
01:55Mama, I'm coming home.
02:00Time's a lie, it seems to be.
02:04You could have been a better friend to me.
02:09Mama, I'm coming home.

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