- il y a 4 mois
Swiped: Hooking Up in the Digital Age (2018) is a thought-provoking documentary that explores how online dating apps have transformed the way people connect. Through interviews and real-life stories, the film examines modern relationships, communication, and the impact of digital culture on personal connections. Insightful and timely, it offers a deeper look into how technology shapes human interaction today.
Swiped Hooking Up in the Digital Age, Swiped Hooking Up in the Digital Age (2018), swiped documentary, 2018 documentary, online connection, dating apps, digital culture, modern relationships, technology and society, social media impact, personal stories, communication in the digital age, human connection, real life experiences, cultural shift, digital era, lifestyle documentary, modern dating, english documentary, tech and behavior, thoughtful film, connection and technology, relationship trends, documentary on tech, exploring human behavior
Swiped Hooking Up in the Digital Age, Swiped Hooking Up in the Digital Age (2018), swiped documentary, 2018 documentary, online connection, dating apps, digital culture, modern relationships, technology and society, social media impact, personal stories, communication in the digital age, human connection, real life experiences, cultural shift, digital era, lifestyle documentary, modern dating, english documentary, tech and behavior, thoughtful film, connection and technology, relationship trends, documentary on tech, exploring human behavior
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PersonnesTranscription
00:33:01Il sort of tips the scale and culture towards hookups
00:33:04and sort of gives men, or gives those looking for hookups,
00:33:08the upper hand, essentially, in this new world.
00:33:12And at 4 a.m., I got a text message
00:33:15that went something like,
00:33:19Hey, you. Wake up.
00:33:22Time to come sit on my face now.
00:33:26Are you looking for me? I'm looking for someone.
00:33:32Where can you be? Where can you be?
00:33:35Hi, I'm Maurice. I'm an executive by day and a wild man by night.
00:33:40I'm looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess?
00:33:43Who is the goddess?
00:33:45The goddess is the woman, is a woman, is any woman.
00:33:49What I'm not looking for is some big, overgrown monster
00:33:54that's always thinking about food.
00:33:56A figure that is sexy, slim, tight, excellent legs.
00:34:01Mmm.
00:34:02If you think of courtship as something that has always existed,
00:34:05what's really new about dating is that it takes courtship
00:34:09away from private spaces, sort of away from the home,
00:34:12away from family, and explicitly puts it in market spaces.
00:34:16So it puts it in places where people spend money and consume.
00:34:20And I would argue that in a way maybe is the most distinctive change.
00:34:25And that means that from 1900 onward or from the invention of dating onward,
00:34:29dating is shaped by market dynamics.
00:34:33To me, the real turning point or watershed is when you start having mobile dating apps
00:34:37so that everyone has it on their phones.
00:34:39The effect of mobile dating apps is to feel like we can be dating all the time
00:34:43and that you should always be putting yourself out there,
00:34:46always kind of promoting your product.
00:34:48And I think that also takes away from the ability to just relax and enjoy.
00:34:52Because it's hard work, that self-presentation stuff,
00:34:55which we all have to do when we're using dating apps and online dating.
00:34:59It's all self-presentation. It's all self-work. It's all self-consciousness.
00:35:02It's all performing. And when you go on lots of dates,
00:35:06you have to do that again and again and again and again.
00:35:08I usually delete it after I've been on like a few bad dates
00:35:12or I'm just like sick of constantly getting messages from people.
00:35:16I'm like, I'm over like weeding through all of this bullshit
00:35:20that I get like those hundreds of messages a day.
00:35:23I'm like, this is exhausting. This is taking a lot of effort.
00:35:26It's taking a lot of time. This is actually like work right now.
00:35:30Just in like economic terms, if you have a surplus of options,
00:35:34then the value goes down.
00:35:36I could see a Tinder profile that I'm like excited about.
00:35:39If I met that person in real life, I would have this like sense of urgency.
00:35:43But I think on Tinder, if I see that profile,
00:35:45well, then I just swipe one way or another.
00:35:47I'm just swiping and then there's somebody else immediately.
00:35:51You know, it is this application of the logic of consumer capitalism
00:35:56to private life and this sort of way that romantic and sexual desire
00:36:00are used almost as like a lure to get you to keep consuming.
00:36:03Maybe we don't think of it as part of the economy
00:36:05because a lot of apps are free.
00:36:07But what you're doing when you swipe and swipe, you know, swipe up and super like
00:36:12or whatever it is, is you are providing valuable data to IAC in that case
00:36:18or to whatever corporation owns the app in question.
00:36:22The quicker that you can go from A to B, the more people are going to use that service.
00:36:31And that's how they make money.
00:36:32So if they can help you get laid quicker by you paying for some feature
00:36:36that allows you to engage with someone more or faster with a better emoji or whatever,
00:36:41that's how they're going to make money.
00:36:42And so the thing that's so frustrating is when you hear these dating apps talk about,
00:36:47well, all these people have gotten married on our app.
00:36:50It's like, no, that's not why you're doing this.
00:36:53I get inundated like every day with people thanking us for getting married on Tinder
00:37:00or meeting their best friend or whatnot.
00:37:02And that's a beautiful thing.
00:37:03Do you have data on how many people who've met on Tinder have gotten married
00:37:07or been in committed relationships?
00:37:09We do not have that information available.
00:37:10But I can tell you that I am inundated with emails on a daily basis
00:37:14as are multiple members of the customer service team, the PR team,
00:37:17from people who said, I met my best friend on Tinder.
00:37:20I met somebody who I am dating and now living with.
00:37:23I met a man who I'm going to marry.
00:37:25I met this guy two years ago.
00:37:27We married a year ago and we're having a baby.
00:37:29It's incredible the number of people who met via Tinder.
00:37:32Some people do use it to have more casual relationships.
00:37:36I mean, it is used that way as well.
00:37:38Certainly.
00:37:39People meet people at church or meet people at their schools
00:37:44and they have casual relationships with them as well.
00:37:47You can meet somebody in any context and have a casual relationship with them.
00:38:12That's why they can't get a relationship.
00:38:14We're finding out.
00:38:15We're helping y'all.
00:38:16But you know what?
00:38:17This old man, he told me, he said,
00:38:19the fruit on the top of the tree is the best, freshest fruit.
00:38:24He said, you always want to have to reach to get what you want.
00:38:29He said, the fruit at your foot on the ground, you don't want that.
00:38:34The fruit that's throwing itself at you, leave it alone.
00:38:37Am I telling the truth?
00:38:39Hello?
00:38:40I think people, older people, like their 50s and 40s, they don't really get what it means to date now.
00:38:48And they kind of don't understand.
00:38:50Like, of course, we want to, like, get married and have kids and stuff.
00:38:53But it's not that easy.
00:38:54You can't get yourself pregnant and marry yourself.
00:38:57I don't know what y'all problem is because I've never had a problem with dating.
00:39:01Well, we didn't have social media.
00:39:02Right.
00:39:03And we had to go out.
00:39:04We had to meet people.
00:39:05We went to games, parties, and, you know, guys wanted to date you.
00:39:11They wasn't like, oh, I want to date you, you, you, and you.
00:39:16I think the social media is an issue because, like, when I was coming up, you had to actually get out to socialize in person.
00:39:26Where here you can go on Facebook and the Snapchat or whatever that is, Twitter.
00:39:31And so I see a lot of their interactions is through devices as opposed to social interacting.
00:39:40Do you go to museums?
00:39:41Do you go to...
00:39:42What a classy place.
00:39:43I never got the club, so...
00:39:45Everybody here met their boyfriend at a bar or a club.
00:39:48He's not my boyfriend.
00:39:49He's not my boyfriend.
00:39:50But we've been dating for three years.
00:39:51Guys, wait, so you're not in a committed relationship?
00:39:53Or a situationship, yeah.
00:39:55But, like, what does that mean?
00:39:56A situationship is pretty much when, like, people are together and they, I don't want to say committed.
00:40:04They're sleeping with each other only, I guess you could say.
00:40:07They're sleeping with each other and acting like they're dating each other, but they're not boyfriend and girlfriend.
00:40:11They're not dating.
00:40:12And that's the situationship.
00:40:14To me, that's friends.
00:40:15I don't...
00:40:16I didn't ask him to make me his girlfriend.
00:40:17I didn't...
00:40:18What if I didn't want him to be my boyfriend?
00:40:19But wouldn't it be a commitment if you guys are exclusive?
00:40:21We're still, like...
00:40:22I feel like as a young woman, I'm still trying to, like, get my money.
00:40:26Like, I want to go back to grad school.
00:40:28You don't want to be, like, tied down.
00:40:30Like, it's not about being tied down.
00:40:32It's about still having...
00:40:33I'm not exclusive.
00:40:34I don't think we're exclusive.
00:40:35But you say you're not committed, but you're not sleeping with someone else.
00:40:39Yeah, we're monogamous.
00:40:40Like, we're not sleeping.
00:40:41But don't that mean commitment?
00:40:42Guys say that a lot.
00:40:43They want girls who would benefit through situationships or whatever, and they don't want committed relationships.
00:40:47A lot of girls want committed relationships.
00:40:49I want a boyfriend.
00:40:50I don't want a fuck buddy.
00:40:51Yeah, me either.
00:40:52I don't want a sexual relationship either or whatever the hell it is.
00:40:55I don't want that either.
00:40:57I want...
00:40:58If I'm going to be seeing a man, and especially if I'm going to be having sex with them, I
00:41:03at least want to be the title of a girlfriend.
00:41:05Boys are just going to be single forever.
00:41:08I believe in you for surrendering.
00:41:10There's no place else to...
00:41:21So dating is changing because of a dating app.
00:41:28But dating is also changing because of the internet.
00:41:30I have a friend that once said to me, the entire internet is a dating app.
00:41:33Because, you know, there are things that you do if you're interested in someone.
00:41:37If you like someone on Twitter, you can't, you know, swipe right on them.
00:41:42But you can start hearting all their tweets or replying to them or, you know, whatever it is.
00:41:47Sharing their articles that they like.
00:41:49And these are things that happen on every single platform.
00:41:52If you don't know the person, and they're liking all your stuff, they want to fuck.
00:41:59So the bag of man on social media, 101.
00:42:02So you find a guy on social media, you show him to all your girls.
00:42:06Your girls approve, say he's cute.
00:42:08So you go through, you like some of his pictures.
00:42:11But you have to be very smart about which pictures you like though.
00:42:14Then it has to be spaced out at like a good increment.
00:42:18Do your research, make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend.
00:42:20Tagged photos.
00:42:21Always go through his tagged photos.
00:42:22Tagged photos let you know everything about somebody.
00:42:25That's the real truth about someone.
00:42:28Who he's around, what he really gets into, things like that.
00:42:33So after that, you follow him.
00:42:37So you let that go by.
00:42:38He'll usually follow you back.
00:42:39Cause I mean, we're all bad as fuck.
00:42:41So most people follow us back.
00:42:43And then that's when the game really starts.
00:42:45So that's when you play like this mind game with each other.
00:42:47And you're like, for a few days, you're liking each other's pictures.
00:42:50Doing these little comments and things like that.
00:42:52And hard eyes and like you do the little eye emojis.
00:42:56Two different eye emojis.
00:42:57There's like the small ones and there's like the individual eye emojis.
00:43:01And then by like day five, maybe less, you wake up and he's in your DMs.
00:43:10He DMed you, yes.
00:43:11And at that point you start chit chatting and it's like, hey, you know, blah, blah, blah.
00:43:16Then you get the number.
00:43:17So you start texting, boom, boom, boom.
00:43:19There's always a move in New York.
00:43:21I'm going to see you at this move.
00:43:23You link up at the move.
00:43:25Catch the twerk real quick.
00:43:27And then that's that.
00:43:28And then it is.
00:43:29Men in New York stress me out so much.
00:43:31They stress me out.
00:43:33This is why I don't have a boyfriend.
00:43:35Guys will have one girlfriend per network.
00:43:37Yep.
00:43:38I'll see a dude all over one girl's Instagram.
00:43:40That's true.
00:43:41A different girl all over Twitter.
00:43:42A different girl all over Facebook.
00:43:44Have a different bitch on Snapchat.
00:43:45Mm-hmm.
00:43:46Yes.
00:43:47Yes.
00:43:48It doesn't go into your deep darn teeth.
00:43:49Like back to high school.
00:43:51Yeah.
00:43:52She looks you up.
00:43:53Because they always use the excuse of, oh, but that's not my girl.
00:43:56Oh, I'm not sleeping with her.
00:43:58Oh, we don't even talk like that.
00:43:59And the thing is, you never really know.
00:44:01You never know.
00:44:02He could have her number saved under Papa John's.
00:44:05How to call your man cheating.
00:44:07A savvy cheater may be using less obvious ways to communicate with the person they're cheating with.
00:44:12For example, Instagram messages, Twitter direct messages, or snaps on Snapchat.
00:44:17You can't trust anyone these days.
00:44:19It's sad but true.
00:44:20I like bagged this one dude at this function, and then like, he kept messaging me on Snapchat.
00:44:25Like, come to Queens, or I'm trying to see you, or blah, blah, blah.
00:44:29But I found his Instagram.
00:44:31I'm just, I was on it that evening.
00:44:33I found it in like 15 minutes.
00:44:34And he has a whole ass girlfriend.
00:44:36And then there was another occasion with a dude that I was actually like talking to and hooking up with, who had an entire relationship as well.
00:44:43And I didn't know until I went through his tagged photos on Instagram.
00:44:46And this is one recurring, like recurring thing that I've dealt with for the last three years.
00:44:51You have type one, the dude who literally has his girl in like half of his photos.
00:44:56And he's like, my girl is my everything.
00:44:58I love this woman.
00:44:59Very passionate, romantic.
00:45:00And he'll be the first one in your DMs begging you to come to his house at an ungodly hour trying to smoke you out, buy you drinks, have sex with you, with his girlfriend stuff all over his apartment.
00:45:10But he's so in love with her on social media.
00:45:12That's like my first time really getting my heart broken.
00:45:14I'm like, it's all coming back.
00:45:16Cause it's like, it happened for the first time like last year.
00:45:19When it first happened, I like, that's like the most I cried ever.
00:45:24But like, I've never felt that low in my entire life.
00:45:29Ever.
00:45:34I feel like he treated me like I was an object almost.
00:45:37This one sounds so lame.
00:45:39It reminded me of like Nora from A Doll's House.
00:45:42Like, I was this trophy girlfriend with the cool clothes and a lot of followers on Instagram.
00:45:53And I was a trendy DJ and I was just cool to be with.
00:45:57But I don't think he genuinely really, really wanted me.
00:46:02When I was, I was a kid like Sharon Stone, you know, in 1995 would be just like up on a pedestal and so inaccessible to me.
00:46:22And now the current, you know, the current version of that is like, okay, she's just, uh, she's just a swipe away or she's just a message away.
00:46:28So Instagram is full of beautiful women, pretty girls, poppin' celebrities.
00:46:33And a lot of you guys are like, hey, let me shoot my shot, but don't know how to do it.
00:46:37Rise and shine, you cock knobs. I'm teaching you how to slide into DMs.
00:46:40Which just means directly messaging someone trying to get their phone number and or trying to get their genitals smashed up against yours after a couple of drinks.
00:46:48Historically, men who did have a lot of sexual access to women tended to be higher in status.
00:46:55What you have is what I call Clark Kent syndrome.
00:46:58You have these guys who may be mild-mannered in real life, but doesn't everybody want to be Superman?
00:47:06And this culture allows these guys who made their whole lives feel insignificant and, you know, certainly I'm not saying all of them feel this way, to feel powerful.
00:47:18And what's the most powerful situation is being aggressive, especially sexually aggressive.
00:47:25I just got a dick pic the other night from like my friend's baby's daddy.
00:47:29Exactly. Any guy will send you any stupid shit on there. That's what I'm saying.
00:47:32When you get a dick pic that like you are not requesting, honestly, it's like a violation.
00:47:36Like if I'm refusing to see your penis in real life, I don't want to see it in a digital version.
00:47:43Yeah. We're about to see it.
00:47:48Is this still on?
00:47:50Oh, another one!
00:47:53He's like hitting me with dicks.
00:47:55He's smacking you with dicks.
00:47:58Oh! Ew!
00:48:03So enter Bumble. What is Bumble?
00:48:05And how does it strive to actually tackle this, this broken system of heteronormativity?
00:48:11Well, if you think about the way in which men and women generally connect, or the way that they're raised to connect, starting at a very young age, boys are taught to be the aggressor.
00:48:24Go get her.
00:48:25Bumble looks at that dynamic and says, you know what? Only women are going to make the first move.
00:48:29And why? Why are we going to do that?
00:48:31Because women can have a voice.
00:48:33They are allowed to make the first move.
00:48:35They are allowed to go after what they want.
00:48:37And in turn, it takes all this pressure and this insecure reactive, you know, aggression away from the masculine side.
00:48:45Because now the woman reaches out.
00:48:48You've just solved half of this predisposed problem.
00:48:53He doesn't have to be geared up to react to the rejection, right?
00:48:58So you've taken away the rejection and you've replaced it with flattery.
00:49:02So there's this idea that Bumble somehow fixes the mistakes that Tinder has made.
00:49:07I honestly don't see how it does that.
00:49:10Now the rule is, oh, the man doesn't have to lift a finger to even type you out a three-word message because he's not allowed to.
00:49:16So once again, like women are shouldering so much more of the burdens of dating, the communication work, the emotions work, all that stuff, the admin.
00:49:26Bumble is just codifying that women have to do more work.
00:49:29No. No. Okay. Yeah.
00:49:33There you go. There's a match.
00:49:35I said, I'm only in Brooklyn for 12 hours.
00:49:39If you want to meet up, then let's do this.
00:49:42And then he says, are you trans?
00:49:46Then he says, are you trans?
00:49:49Are you trans?
00:49:51Then I say, what the fuck?
00:49:54LOL.
00:49:56I'm down to fuck.
00:49:58But can't tonight.
00:50:00Meet me Tuesday or Wednesday in Manhattan.
00:50:03So, that's Bumble for you.
00:50:08That is Bumble for you.
00:50:11Uh, yeah.
00:50:19So this is my girlfriend, Alex.
00:50:22And I met her on Tinder.
00:50:25And her tagline was, stoned in the bath eating clementines.
00:50:28That's B.
00:50:30Hook, line and sinker, fell for it.
00:50:32He was sleeping with five girls a week on Tinder.
00:50:35And then what?
00:50:36And then he met me.
00:50:38I mean, in our case, it just kind of happened.
00:50:41And like, the more time we spent together, I was like, man, like this chick is really cool.
00:50:45And it kind of just materialized.
00:50:48And I'm like, you know, well, now I like really like hanging out with her more.
00:50:51And like in that best friend kind of quality rather than just like the hit it and quit it.
00:50:55Or like, so given that we have discussed because Alex is what I guess you can define as heteroflexible.
00:51:05So given that we have been, uh, you like experimenting with having a third just so it feels like there's not some sort of restraint or constriction like on the relationship.
00:51:22Also, it's fun because then we get to like, we get to like play with Tinder again.
00:51:28So you guys swipe together now on Tinder?
00:51:31Yeah, we have like a joint.
00:51:32On Tinder and on OkCupid.
00:51:34We have a, we have a joint OkCupid account.
00:51:37Oh, she's so beautiful.
00:51:38Oh, well, maybe not.
00:51:41She works out.
00:51:42Homegirl has too many tattoos.
00:51:44Homegirl has too many cats.
00:51:46Weird eyebrows.
00:51:47She's like my type, but not your type.
00:51:50No, I would, I would do her.
00:51:52We like big boobs.
00:51:54And if you look at our previous generation or the generation before, it's like you meet someone in your hometown.
00:52:02You date them.
00:52:03You're like your high school sweetheart.
00:52:05You date them and that's the only person that you've really been with.
00:52:08And that kind of monogamy is like super scary.
00:52:11It can go on for like 60 years and like a vanilla type of existence and it's super bland and then you die.
00:52:20So, praising the whole swiping fad that's going on now is, it introduces you to people that you may never have crossed paths with.
00:52:29Could we see each other doing this forever? I don't know.
00:52:32I mean, definitely not past 60.
00:52:36Not past 60.
00:52:39I mean, I was thinking like not past, I'm 27, so not past 30.
00:52:45Oh, okay.
00:52:47One thing we do know is that with the rise of the internet, many people that previously had a hard time connecting can now find someone else.
00:53:10So, for instance, in our data where we know that over a third of people have met someone through the internet, that number is even higher for gay men and lesbian women.
00:53:19And if you think about it, in many places it might be easy enough for a gay man or lesbian woman to meet someone to date.
00:53:26But in many places throughout the United States, it might not be that easy.
00:53:30If you're talking about a population that is a minority group, in this case a sexual minority group, you then have to find someone else that meets the same criteria and that might be kind of hard.
00:53:41And on top of that, in many places in the U.S., it still might not be all that safe for a gay man or a lesbian woman to walk into a bar and try and pick someone up.
00:53:50So the internet has allowed people of so many different walks of life to find each other, to connect with each other, and possibly start dating and have a relationship.
00:54:02We met on Grindr when he first moved here.
00:54:05Explain Grindr.
00:54:06Grindr is a gay dating app mostly used for sex.
00:54:09It's a grid of pictures of guys in your area, ranked by how close they are, and lots of torsos.
00:54:19I don't know, whenever you told straight people about Grindr two years ago, I mean, they were like, wow, crazy. Like, do you do that all the time?
00:54:26You're like, no, but it is a thing because it's harder for us to meet people.
00:54:30I don't know, it's so funny because men that label themselves as straight and then they just put like a headless torso and they're like, oh, I'm on the DL.
00:54:37But I'm like, are you really if you're on this app?
00:54:39And then there's people on Grindr who are like, anon, like they don't show their face.
00:54:43They don't want to know a name. They just want, like, you'll get those messages that are like, uh, depending on if you're the top or the bottom.
00:54:52It's like, you can just walk in and I'll be like blindfolded on all fours and you just fuck me and then leave.
00:54:58I had a couple of friends who would get just almost zombified, looking at the phone or checking for a hookup
00:55:05or trying to make something happen, even when we were all out together.
00:55:11So it started to change the gay clubs because we'd all be there and half the people were just living on their phone.
00:55:18And you thought, well, but we're all already at the dance, you know?
00:55:24I think Grindr is a new way of hiding, honestly, because it's like people are still hooking up all the time, but now they're like doing it.
00:55:30Like they're sneaking into, you know, your apartment building or whatever. It's like this kind of respectability politics almost.
00:55:35It's not like people, yeah.
00:55:36They think we're like, we don't have to cruise anymore, so we shouldn't because we can just go on Grindr.
00:55:41Why would you want to cruise when you can go on Grindr? It's like, well, because cruising is hot. It's fun.
00:55:45It's fun. It's part of our history. It's part of our culture.
00:55:48I feel like it's really popular to still like stigmatize Grindr and everything and being like only like nasty people use that. Like I would never do it.
00:55:57But then they go home and then they use it. And it's like, that's what they do. That's how they get laid.
00:56:02Your profile says like, I hate this app.
00:56:06Knowing that there's that technology there, like if I see a cute guy in the bar, I'm going to immediately get on like Grindr or Scruff and be like, well, is he on it?
00:56:13Cause I can just like say hi there or like just woof at him there. And then maybe he'll check it and see me across the bar.
00:56:21I know everything changes and I'm acceptable to change, but there's parts of it that are like, oh, it's the future.
00:56:29And there's part of it. It's like, that's ridiculous. Like the amount of times I've lost with my friends just because they're on their cell phone the entire time.
00:56:37And I can't tell you how many dates I've been on with girls that are on their cell phone the entire time.
00:56:43I've been on a date with a girl. She was talking to this dude. She was kind of stringing along while we were going on our first couple of dates.
00:56:50Cause I've met girls that they're so involved with what they look like on the internet or like spend so much time on making this image of themselves.
00:57:00And they worry about more internet shit than like real life.
00:57:12I thought about that when I like hook up with people. I'm just like, do I look sexy right now? I'm like, do I look like appealing? Do I look, do I look good?
00:57:38Does my face look weird from, from their angle? Does, um, like is, is my hair like cascading out right behind me?
00:57:47Like all this stuff. And I'm just like, this is, and because of that, obviously I just get like super removed from the moment,
00:57:53which is probably a big reason why I don't enjoy like doing sexual stuff with people because I'm so caught up in how I look.
00:57:58And then I'm also caught up in how they look.
00:58:00Alex, the guy that I just started dating, I guess that's so weird to say out loud.
00:58:09He left his leftovers in my fridge. So I'm here to drop them off.
00:58:13I do love the emoji where it looks like you're smiling with all your teeth. I send that one a lot.
00:58:18I've sent him that a couple of times to some people that I love. I'll just send like a row of emojis.
00:58:23That's like a sunflower and a bouquet of flowers and then a star and a sparkly thing and then a pink heart and then a yellow heart and then a blue heart.
00:58:30And then they know exactly what I'm saying. So that's great.
00:58:34Hello.
00:58:35How are you?
00:58:37Good.
00:58:38This is yours?
00:58:39Oh, thank you.
00:58:40You're so welcome.
00:58:41How are you?
00:58:42Good to see you.
00:58:43I'm doing well.
00:58:44Oh.
00:58:45How was your shift?
00:58:46Really slow.
00:58:47Yeah?
00:58:48Yeah.
00:58:49Yeah, I hope so too, but it's okay if it's wilted and frozen. I might throw it away though.
00:58:54That's okay.
00:58:55He sent me a text with a heart emoji and then a smiley face and then another heart emoji, which like, it was just really cute because that never happens because for some reason boys don't like to use emojis.
00:59:07See?
00:59:08I'm telling you, like full hearts, not heart eyes.
00:59:10Wild, right?
00:59:12What a concept.
00:59:19I feel like that's been a big switch too. Like I feel like back in like, like the nineties and the eighties, it was all about like who could kind of show more. Like, like back then you have people like serenading people, like showing up outside of windows with boom boxes or like bringing people flowers, like huge, ridiculous things of flowers, like out in public.
00:59:44I feel like it's definitely way, not like casual, but way more like nonchalant nowadays. Like it's almost like you don't want to seem like you care.
00:59:53What if you do care?
00:59:54And you have to not show it. Like that sucks. Like if you do really care, but you're like trying to not show it, I feel like that kind of sucks.
01:00:01Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don't, I don't know. I've never experienced something where I care so bad that I have to hide my care.
01:00:13Definitely with technology progressing more and more, it's, it's kind of like the awkward stage in generations where it's like, do you just do technology to meet people or do you actually go out and have experiences?
01:00:42It's kind of at the point where it's like, all right, you know, let's slide in those DMs or let's, let's hit up Tinder or something.
01:00:50But it's kind of like not as real. You know what I mean?
01:00:53What's a Tinderella?
01:00:54Oh, it's cool.
01:00:56It's like a Cinderella but with a Tinder.
01:00:58It's a slut.
01:00:59Yeah.
01:01:00She's a Tinder slut.
01:01:01Yeah.
01:01:02She's a Tinder slut.
01:01:03Yeah.
01:01:04She has acts with men through Tinder.
01:01:06Yes.
01:01:07Yeah.
01:01:08It's a Tinder slut.
01:01:09And it's like, yeah, well put.
01:01:11Who wants to slap the fucking bag?
01:01:13Oh, yeah.
01:01:14Oh, yeah.
01:01:15One, five, six, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven.
01:01:23Last night I went to a party, met a couple girls, you know, hooked up with a couple girls.
01:01:29And then I now have their Instagram, you know, and that's a way to keep in touch.
01:01:33It's not like a way to, way to like, I don't know, force like anything on someone.
01:01:40You're not going to be like, you know, like, let me get your number.
01:01:43I'm texting you constantly to stay connected.
01:01:45You hooked up with a couple of girls at the same party?
01:01:48No.
01:01:49Oh, yeah.
01:01:50At the same party.
01:01:51Not the party we were at last night with you.
01:01:52We went to a different party.
01:01:53Yeah.
01:01:54I hooked up with two girls at the same party.
01:01:56That's wild.
01:01:59Do you guys watch a lot of porn?
01:02:01He watches porn.
01:02:02He watches porn.
01:02:03He watches porn.
01:02:04I don't watch porn.
01:02:05I don't watch porn.
01:02:06He watches porn.
01:02:07I don't watch porn.
01:02:09I don't know what you think...
01:02:10Porn feeds into all of it.
01:02:11I don't watch it.
01:02:12Porn feeds into sexual expectation.
01:02:13No, but...
01:02:14The reason why, the reason why blaming porn...
01:02:15But porn...
01:02:16It does it does.
01:02:17The reason why blaming porn is because because the internet has become such an integral part
01:02:22of just existing on this planet and we've had internet access to as very young children.
01:02:26Porn has been cultivated.
01:02:27Yes.
01:02:28I wasn't supposed to porn before the internet.
01:02:29I was about say it.
01:02:30I don't know.
01:02:31It opens your mind up to like...
01:02:32I'm about to say, porn teaches you things.
01:02:33Because porn can't teach you things.
01:02:34Porn can teach you because even though some things you might feel like it's wrong,
01:02:38the older you get, the more sex you have,
01:02:39some of the shit that you like in porn, like choking and getting choked, is real.
01:02:43It's not just a fantasy.
01:02:45Yeah.
01:02:46As far as the sexual expectation,
01:02:49I feel like porn makes a lot of guys particularly,
01:02:52like they don't know the female body at all.
01:02:54They don't understand how to make a woman orgasm.
01:02:57I think it's true.
01:02:57And they look more at like,
01:02:59because when you watch like usual porn,
01:03:01it's like the girls usually getting gagged or something,
01:03:04or like, you know, it's all about choked out.
01:03:06It's all about the male's pleasure.
01:03:07You don't really see anything with the female, unless it's like a lesbian.
01:03:10Yeah.
01:03:11What really shocked me about internet pornography the first time I saw it
01:03:14was the fact that the pornographers consistently framed
01:03:19these regular old vanilla sex acts that everybody does sometimes
01:03:24as a form of humiliation for the women involved.
01:03:29It's not about their orgasm,
01:03:31except as, you know, it's sexy that it happens to always be a function
01:03:35of the male ejaculation or the male pounding or whatever.
01:03:39In every mainstream porn gallery on the web,
01:03:42we can find the rape category side by side
01:03:46with the humiliation category, abuse category,
01:03:49crying category, and so on.
01:03:52With porn, people get flooded with images.
01:03:55Then when they do meet people on the apps,
01:03:58they expect the same kind of interaction.
01:04:01And in fact, they're not really having sex
01:04:03with the person in front of them.
01:04:05Very often, they might have sex playing out the images in their head.
01:04:08Like, ejaculating on a woman's face
01:04:11is not a naturally, like, thrilling, attractive thing to do
01:04:14until you see it in pornography and you're like,
01:04:16that looks awesome, I'm going to do that.
01:04:18Like, guys get addicted to it and girls get addicted to it
01:04:21and it's fucking insane.
01:04:22And, like, I have this one friend back home who's like,
01:04:26he, like, he's like, yeah, like,
01:04:28I can't finish unless I watch porn.
01:04:31What?
01:04:31Yeah, like, he'll be fucking a girl
01:04:33and then he's like, I have to, like, jack off or something to finish.
01:04:36It sounds like he has something wrong with that.
01:04:37So it's like, it's just...
01:04:38It sounds like he watches way too much porn.
01:04:40Yeah, he watches way too much porn.
01:04:41Might desensitize...
01:04:43Yeah, desensitizes for sure.
01:04:46There are guys my age suffering from ED
01:04:48because when they have a sex relationship with a girl,
01:04:50they can't perform because their mind is so skewed already by porn.
01:04:55It's an epidemic.
01:04:56What do you mean?
01:04:57Men who, when they put a condom on,
01:04:59they lose their erection right away.
01:05:02And then they try to use that to weasel out of wearing a condom.
01:05:06You know, they're like, oh, like, come on, like,
01:05:09we don't need it.
01:05:11I just got tested.
01:05:13And I'm like, no, you didn't.
01:05:14I know you didn't just get tested.
01:05:15I think the condom problem is because of porn
01:05:17because I feel like men are really used to, like,
01:05:20their rough hand or something.
01:05:21And then, like, they're like,
01:05:23oh, I'm not sensitive with a condom.
01:05:25And, like, I can't feel you.
01:05:27I'm like, mm.
01:05:29It's not even just porn.
01:05:30It's the appropriation of porn in culture.
01:05:34Because sex sells.
01:05:36Sex is everywhere.
01:05:37You go to billboards, there's a bitch in a bra
01:05:40and basically nothing else.
01:05:44All right, guys, I'm going to be 100% real with you guys
01:05:46about the best pictures that us guys like to get from girls.
01:05:49Because a lot of the YouTubers and people would be like,
01:05:52uh, the best curve on a woman's body is her self.
01:05:58You know damn well the best curve on a woman's body is.
01:06:01That ass.
01:06:02It's going to look like that.
01:06:07Okay.
01:06:08And then you shoot it.
01:06:09So she's pointing it down.
01:06:11I'm pointing it down so the angle comes from the bottom.
01:06:15Kim Kardashian goes naked.
01:06:17Kourtney Kardashian shows off her nipple.
01:06:19And Kylie Jenner gets in the mix, too.
01:06:21What the hell is going on here?
01:06:23One thing we're seeing an increase in, for instance, is sexting.
01:06:27People are exchanging sexual messages and images
01:06:30via text, via email, and sometimes via particular apps.
01:06:35I would say that nudes don't have to be pornography,
01:06:38but the way they generally exist and are treated,
01:06:43they are pornography by my definition.
01:06:45They are sexualized representations that circulate.
01:06:48And the circulation is key because the problem with the way they're circulated
01:06:56is that tends to eroticize use,
01:06:59to eroticize just using somebody else's body for your own gratification.
01:07:02If it's in the right context,
01:07:04I really do like getting a dick pic.
01:07:07It can be really great.
01:07:08But you have to be in the mood,
01:07:11and you have to want it,
01:07:13and there should be like a lead up to it.
01:07:15Because if you just get a dick pic cold,
01:07:17it's like what was...
01:07:19I wasn't around what did it for you.
01:07:23I think that if you're already fucking like sending a nude
01:07:25throughout the day,
01:07:27it's just kind of like,
01:07:28A, thinking of you,
01:07:30B, reminding you how good that sex was the other day.
01:07:33Because like, you know,
01:07:34sometimes if it's been like two days,
01:07:37you're just like,
01:07:37Yo, refresher course.
01:07:39Like, this was great, eh?
01:07:41Like...
01:07:42We can imagine that there are so many people
01:07:44with long-distance relationships,
01:07:45or perhaps they're busy with work
01:07:48and don't see each other enough.
01:07:50Or perhaps they just want to communicate,
01:07:51Hey, I'm turned on by you.
01:07:53I'm thinking about you.
01:07:54And sexting for them can be perhaps a totally fine,
01:07:58totally healthy way to communicate
01:08:00and share these erotic images.
01:08:02But there is an inherent risk.
01:08:04And in fact,
01:08:05that risk can also build intimacy,
01:08:08knowing that you're exposing yourself to someone.
01:08:12All right, maybe not a good use of words.
01:08:13Nowadays,
01:08:14the fact that guys think it's so cool to expose girls,
01:08:18it makes it so hard for you
01:08:20to even feel like a guy that you're messing with
01:08:23can have a picture of you naked.
01:08:25Because if you guys ever stop talking to each other,
01:08:28it's like,
01:08:29Is he going to put me on Twitter?
01:08:30Is he going to put it on Instagram?
01:08:32But I got my phone taken away
01:08:33because I sent a picture to a guy
01:08:36in my bra and underwear in eighth grade.
01:08:39I remember that.
01:08:40He asked me for a picture
01:08:41and I sent him a picture of my face.
01:08:43Then he was like,
01:08:44No, not that type of picture.
01:08:45They always say that.
01:08:46And then you're like,
01:08:46What kind of picture do you want?
01:08:47And he's like,
01:08:48You know, just less clothes.
01:08:49And I was just like,
01:08:50I don't know.
01:08:51And he was showing everybody,
01:08:53You know, you're young
01:08:55and you want to be cool
01:08:56and you don't want the person
01:08:57to the next day say something about you
01:09:00like you're a kid
01:09:00or something like that.
01:09:01What often is called revenge porn,
01:09:08which we could just say
01:09:10is the non-consensual distribution
01:09:13of sexual imagery, right,
01:09:15is when people violate often
01:09:19people's trust and competence
01:09:21and then post, you know,
01:09:23nude images of someone
01:09:25without their consent
01:09:26and often knowingly
01:09:27in violation of their privacy.
01:09:30And when it appears online
01:09:31or on Twitter,
01:09:33you know,
01:09:33when it appears
01:09:34in any online network spaces
01:09:36and is shared,
01:09:37it will then often appear
01:09:39in a search of someone's name, right?
01:09:41Which when you search someone
01:09:43who's searching for you,
01:09:44clients, employers,
01:09:46friends, people you care about,
01:09:48and that's where the harm comes in,
01:09:50like the potential
01:09:51for economic, physical
01:09:53and sort of emotional harm.
01:09:57So I was using a dating app
01:10:02when I met this guy.
01:10:03I'd gone on a few dates with him,
01:10:06but I hadn't like
01:10:08gone home with him
01:10:09and like slept with him basically.
01:10:11And it didn't seem to be
01:10:13like an issue for me.
01:10:14I didn't think it was awkward,
01:10:16but he seemed to think
01:10:16it was a thing.
01:10:18I found this website
01:10:21and it was on his blog.
01:10:24It was like a blog entry,
01:10:25like a whole page dedicated to me
01:10:28and how much I sucked, basically.
01:10:32And he had gone through
01:10:34like the last 10 years
01:10:35of my social media
01:10:36on like Facebook, Instagram,
01:10:39like all these outlets
01:10:41and taken the worst photos
01:10:42of me that exist.
01:10:43It's quite common
01:10:45for people to set up a site,
01:10:46often in the victims
01:10:47or the targeted person's name,
01:10:49that says, for example,
01:10:51don't hire so-and-so
01:10:53or so-and-so is a crackhead, right?
01:10:55That would be the name
01:10:56off the domain name
01:10:57of the site, right?
01:10:59And that what you do
01:11:00on that site
01:11:01is essentially do
01:11:02whatever you can
01:11:02to hurt the reputation
01:11:03and to terrify the person.
01:11:06And he made this huge
01:11:08like mosaic of like,
01:11:10it was at least like 20 photos,
01:11:12maybe like 30 or more.
01:11:14It was like,
01:11:15there was a lot of photos
01:11:16of just all these up-close
01:11:18terrible shots of me
01:11:19like drinking like parties
01:11:21when I'm like 17, 18 or whatever
01:11:23and just looking awful, you know?
01:11:26And it was so embarrassing
01:11:27and I was like,
01:11:28fuck, what is this?
01:11:29And then he posted under it
01:11:31like a story that was completely
01:11:35like made up and shit
01:11:37and it said,
01:11:38I think it said that
01:11:39Nicole Sir like smoked crack
01:11:41and all this stuff
01:11:42and it was crack like specifically
01:11:45and I was like,
01:11:46that's outrageous and weird.
01:11:48So I tried contacting
01:11:50the web host or whatever
01:11:52who hosts the domain
01:11:53and they never got back to me
01:11:56and then I contacted
01:11:57Instagram and Facebook
01:11:59to be like,
01:12:01this guy's using my photos
01:12:03without my permission
01:12:03and I never heard
01:12:05from any of them
01:12:06and then it was the dating app
01:12:09that I contacted
01:12:09and they said to call the police
01:12:11because they couldn't do anything.
01:12:13You've got officers
01:12:15who are great at street crimes.
01:12:17It's what they know well
01:12:19but when you come to them
01:12:20with a problem
01:12:21that involves having
01:12:21to investigate
01:12:22sort of your online footprints
01:12:24and who it is that did this,
01:12:26they just feel outpaced
01:12:27by the technology.
01:12:28They don't know what to do.
01:12:29I thought that it might be
01:12:31like a good opportunity
01:12:32for one of those companies
01:12:34to sort of come to the rescue
01:12:36in a way and be like,
01:12:37look, we protect our users.
01:12:39Like, you know,
01:12:41especially the dating app.
01:12:42I thought that they would
01:12:43maybe have a better reaction
01:12:45than very just sort of,
01:12:48I don't know,
01:12:48like it's not our issue, I guess.
01:12:51The ethical implications
01:13:00of what we're doing
01:13:01are always weighing upon us.
01:13:03It's everything from bullying
01:13:07to just inappropriate behavior
01:13:10and it's something that
01:13:13almost every conversation
01:13:15we have around here
01:13:17is about how we can help that.
01:13:19It's included with every new thing
01:13:20that we come up with
01:13:21is making sure that we create
01:13:23a safe and comfortable environment
01:13:25for our users.
01:13:26There's a lot more
01:13:27that we could do,
01:13:28just like every platform.
01:13:30And we're going to,
01:13:32we're working on all sorts of things.
01:13:35Don't know all the ways
01:13:36we're going to do that,
01:13:37but collectively,
01:13:39we'll figure something out,
01:13:40I'm sure.
01:13:41We better.
01:13:42We have to.
01:13:43Have you ever heard from anybody
01:13:44who's had something bad happen?
01:13:46Directly, I've not.
01:13:47Nobody's personally come
01:13:49to me with it,
01:13:50but there's certainly been
01:13:52a few different news stories
01:13:53and all that have occurred.
01:13:56I don't know any specifically.
01:14:10There are stories
01:14:12from 100 years ago
01:14:13of women being murdered
01:14:14when meeting a man
01:14:16that advertised
01:14:16in the Lonely Hearts section
01:14:18of the newspaper.
01:14:18Luckily, these are not
01:14:20everyday stories,
01:14:21but they do underscore
01:14:22the huge risks involved.
01:14:24And moreover,
01:14:24they do kind of ask us
01:14:27to think more deeply
01:14:28about why it is
01:14:30that when a woman is murdered,
01:14:31it is likely to be by
01:14:33someone who she's
01:14:34in a sort of intimate
01:14:35situation with.
01:14:36So we do need to get beyond
01:14:37just blaming dating apps.
01:14:38We need to also think
01:14:39about what's going on
01:14:40more deeply in society
01:14:41that for all the gains
01:14:43women have made,
01:14:44and the domestic violence
01:14:45figures speak for themselves.
01:14:47Murder figures speak for themselves.
01:14:48Women are still being murdered
01:14:49and physically abused
01:14:51by men on a hugely
01:14:53regular basis.
01:15:00This dude was freaking psychotic.
01:15:02He drunkenly came to my house
01:15:03at like five in the morning.
01:15:07Mind you,
01:15:07I'd invited him over
01:15:08at probably like 11,
01:15:11thinking he was going to get there
01:15:12by like one,
01:15:12and I could kick him out
01:15:13around three,
01:15:14because I didn't want to sleep
01:15:14on that at the time.
01:15:15It was way too early.
01:15:16So he comes out,
01:15:17comes there mad late,
01:15:19clearly drunk as hell.
01:15:20So I'm like,
01:15:20all right.
01:15:20And he took a cab there
01:15:21from wherever he was.
01:15:22So I'm like,
01:15:23okay,
01:15:23I don't want to be a bitch
01:15:24because you just spent
01:15:24all this money to get to my house,
01:15:25and I understand you're lit,
01:15:26and you probably just want to sleep.
01:15:27Like,
01:15:28it is what it is.
01:15:28I'll let you crash.
01:15:29He gets in my bed,
01:15:31literally tries to force himself on me,
01:15:33and I just wasn't rocking.
01:15:36And like,
01:15:37I literally had to like,
01:15:38hold my clothes,
01:15:40push this thing off me.
01:15:41Like,
01:15:41I'm not yelling
01:15:42because I don't want to wake
01:15:43my roommates up
01:15:44because it's like,
01:15:45I'm not getting raped,
01:15:45and I think like,
01:15:46I'm thinking eventually
01:15:48he's going to kid a hand,
01:15:49and then he drunkenly passes out.
01:15:51I wait about an hour,
01:15:52and I'm like freaking out,
01:15:53and then I kick him
01:15:54out of my apartment.
01:15:55And obviously,
01:15:57like,
01:15:57I kind of set myself up for it,
01:15:59so I'm kind of an idiot for that.
01:16:01I'm not like,
01:16:02emotionally distraught over it
01:16:03or anything.
01:16:04I'm just one of those like,
01:16:05y'all need to do better.
01:16:07And I'm so glad
01:16:07that it didn't get worse
01:16:09because there are so many scenarios
01:16:11where I've heard like,
01:16:12where it has with other women.
01:16:13Not with him in particular,
01:16:15but just in general.
01:16:16And I just like,
01:16:17I know so many of my very,
01:16:19very, very, very close female friends
01:16:21have experienced
01:16:22very negative encounters with men,
01:16:24and I'm just grateful
01:16:26that nothing on that level has happened
01:16:28because it's very possible,
01:16:29and I pray it never does
01:16:30because I wouldn't even wish
01:16:31that shit on my enemies.
01:16:32Like, even when I had my old boyfriend
01:16:42and we would do stuff,
01:16:43like,
01:16:45he always kind of,
01:16:46one,
01:16:47he always kind of like vaguely
01:16:47like pressured me
01:16:48into stuff,
01:16:49which like wasn't cool.
01:16:50So like,
01:16:51we'd be hanging out
01:16:53and we'd be watching TV,
01:16:54and like,
01:16:55I just wanted to like,
01:16:56cuddle and watch TV,
01:16:57and then he would start like,
01:16:58kissing my neck
01:16:59or whatever
01:16:59and like,
01:17:00start to like,
01:17:00get on top of me,
01:17:01and I would like,
01:17:02kind of pull away
01:17:02and be like,
01:17:03I just kind of want to like,
01:17:04sit here,
01:17:05and then he would like,
01:17:06put his hands up my shirt
01:17:07and like,
01:17:08all this kind of stuff,
01:17:09and I would just like,
01:17:10kind of try and turn away,
01:17:11and then,
01:17:12it always just got to a point,
01:17:14he knew that I would just get to a point
01:17:16where I was like,
01:17:17okay,
01:17:18I guess we're doing this,
01:17:19and so like,
01:17:20we'd do whatever,
01:17:22and it was literally,
01:17:24every single time,
01:17:26we were alone.
01:17:27Every single time.
01:17:28I'm realizing now,
01:17:30looking back on it,
01:17:30that it was like,
01:17:31a little bit more fucked up
01:17:32than I thought it was.
01:17:38I see people try to justify like,
01:17:41the rape of a spouse,
01:17:43or the rape of a girlfriend,
01:17:45or a boyfriend.
01:17:49These are themes
01:17:50that are embedded in our society.
01:17:54It's definitely something
01:17:55that the internet
01:17:56and social media
01:17:57is like,
01:17:57enlightening a lot of young women
01:17:59to realize,
01:18:00I'm valuable,
01:18:01I don't have to put up
01:18:02with your shit,
01:18:03and I also don't have to
01:18:04be treated like a sex object
01:18:05for the rest of my life,
01:18:07and I'm also capable
01:18:08of doing whatever I want,
01:18:09and if your politics
01:18:11don't correlate with mine,
01:18:12that's cool,
01:18:13but I'm gonna still do me
01:18:14at the end of the day.
01:18:15So what if we,
01:18:25like,
01:18:26what if there's a dating app
01:18:27that was designed
01:18:28around how women
01:18:29perceive attraction?
01:18:30Like, would that be different?
01:18:32Eli, what's up with you?
01:18:33What if you designed
01:18:34a dating app?
01:18:35What would it be like?
01:18:36If I'm designing a dating app,
01:18:38I don't know.
01:18:39I feel like there's no way
01:18:40to get around the fact
01:18:41that men can just be
01:18:42fucking disgusting.
01:18:42Absolutely.
01:18:44I think it's the fact
01:18:44that, like,
01:18:45women have always been seen
01:18:46as an object of pleasure
01:18:47or an object of, like,
01:18:49something secondary,
01:18:50something inferior.
01:18:51Yeah, it's a vessel,
01:18:52so it's kind of like,
01:18:53and, like, even nowadays,
01:18:54it's sort of like,
01:18:55you'll,
01:18:56the only reason
01:18:56that you exist in this space
01:18:58is for my viewing pleasure.
01:19:00I'm not saying that, like,
01:19:01everyone who does dating apps
01:19:02is, like, terrible
01:19:03or gross or anything,
01:19:03but the fact that
01:19:04you have to, like,
01:19:05work your way through
01:19:06so many people
01:19:07that are just, like,
01:19:08either total bullshitters
01:19:09or obviously only after sex
01:19:11and, like,
01:19:12not after anything substantial.
01:19:13So you're like,
01:19:14okay,
01:19:15and it just gets exhausting,
01:19:16so I just, like,
01:19:17why bother?
01:19:19Cheers!
01:19:20Bop-bop!
01:19:42What the Me Too movement
01:19:50has done,
01:19:50it's really created
01:19:51this huge voice
01:19:53in the community,
01:19:55and that voice is strong,
01:19:57and I do feel like,
01:19:58as a woman running
01:19:59the largest set
01:20:01of dating products
01:20:01in the world,
01:20:02that we have to listen
01:20:03to that voice
01:20:04and we have to adapt
01:20:05our products,
01:20:06how we work internally,
01:20:08our sensitivity to things,
01:20:09and especially,
01:20:10you know,
01:20:10as we are creating
01:20:11social products
01:20:12that sit in the hands
01:20:13of women,
01:20:14and this is a time
01:20:16where, you know,
01:20:17I do think it's important
01:20:18for us to both protect,
01:20:20listen,
01:20:21and create products
01:20:21that are relevant to women.
01:20:23And how are you
01:20:24going to do that?
01:20:25Yeah, I mean,
01:20:25I think there's a couple
01:20:26of things that we need to do.
01:20:28One, we have safety tips.
01:20:32First of all,
01:20:32it's really important
01:20:33that women don't meet people,
01:20:35they never go to someone's house,
01:20:37they meet in a public place,
01:20:38they don't drink,
01:20:39they let someone know
01:20:40where they're going,
01:20:41they are,
01:20:42they take precaution,
01:20:44they let a person know
01:20:46that they're on a date
01:20:46with someone else,
01:20:47they never go into someone's car.
01:20:49So there's a number
01:20:50of safety tips
01:20:50that we provide for people
01:20:52and I just think
01:20:52that people also have
01:20:53to just take real precaution.
01:20:56There have been reports
01:20:57of a rise in sexual violence
01:20:59related to online dating.
01:21:01Do you think dating apps
01:21:02are contributing
01:21:03to rape culture?
01:21:04The sad thing is that
01:21:06because there's so many millions
01:21:10and millions of people
01:21:11on our products,
01:21:12one out of every two
01:21:14single people
01:21:14have a profile
01:21:16on a dating app today
01:21:17in the United States,
01:21:18then it is truly
01:21:20what happens in society,
01:21:22happens on the apps as well.
01:21:36I don't see it slowing down.
01:21:40I mean, why would it slow down?
01:21:41It's making a lot of money
01:21:42for a lot of different companies
01:21:43and a lot of people.
01:21:45We're getting better
01:21:46at designing experiences
01:21:47that are addictive
01:21:47because we understand it more now
01:21:49than we ever did before.
01:21:50So I don't see it slowing down.
01:21:53I think it's only going to be weaponized
01:21:54and I think when virtual
01:21:55and augmented reality
01:21:56become a really big deal,
01:21:57can you imagine dating apps
01:21:59where you can actually interact
01:22:00in a room with the people
01:22:01that you're swiping?
01:22:02Why wouldn't people spend
01:22:0324 hours a day on these apps
01:22:05if they feel like they're actually
01:22:06in the room with other people?
01:22:07And if they don't like them,
01:22:08they can get rid of them ASAP,
01:22:10no problem.
01:22:11But if they do,
01:22:13you're actually that much closer
01:22:14to actually being on a date with them
01:22:15without having to do anything.
01:22:17You can sit in your boxer shorts
01:22:18at home and be on a date
01:22:20with someone.
01:22:20Why wouldn't you do that?
01:22:24We know there are sex robots
01:22:26and we know that there are appendages
01:22:28that you can attach to yourself
01:22:29that make an experience feel like sex.
01:22:32And so it's just going to be
01:22:33a more immersive version of that
01:22:34over time,
01:22:35a virtual and augmented reality.
01:22:49I don't know,
01:22:50we were just drifting further
01:22:51and further apart
01:22:52and like towards the end,
01:22:55it felt like we weren't even really
01:22:57like in a relationship.
01:23:01I definitely became more distant.
01:23:05I don't know why.
01:23:07Yeah, I mean,
01:23:07you used to like four or five times a day
01:23:11be like, I'm going to marry you.
01:23:12You know that?
01:23:15I could have been delusional,
01:23:16but I felt right at the time.
01:23:19Whatever.
01:23:19He was just excited
01:23:20about being,
01:23:21about having somebody to love.
01:23:23It's sweet.
01:23:24There's nothing wrong with that.
01:23:25All I wanted to do
01:23:28is just say,
01:23:29let's be friends,
01:23:31but let's keep it open-ended.
01:23:34He went on a date on Friday.
01:23:39Well, he got laid.
01:23:41You've got laid too.
01:23:43Get the fuck out of here.
01:23:44Yeah, I have gotten laid,
01:23:44but I didn't get laid on Friday
01:23:46on my date.
01:23:47He met on Tinder.
01:23:48Yeah, you downloaded Tinder too.
01:23:50You're just as guilty.
01:23:52Tinder exhausts me.
01:23:54I'm so,
01:23:56like,
01:23:56I just downloaded it
01:23:58so that I could judge people
01:23:59and like swipe.
01:24:01I like doing the swiping.
01:24:02I always have.
01:24:04Bullshit.
01:24:06Yeah, and then...
01:24:08And then I ended up
01:24:09going on a date with the guy.
01:24:10Well, no, he seems nice,
01:24:12but I wasn't planning
01:24:13on sleeping with him.
01:24:14But, yeah,
01:24:15and then I was like,
01:24:16yeah, I don't know.
01:24:18I just,
01:24:18he came back from the bathroom
01:24:21and I was like,
01:24:22I'm really sorry.
01:24:24I'm really sorry.
01:24:26I just,
01:24:26I just want to go home.
01:24:30And then I just left.
01:24:33So, you know,
01:24:34I'm not like,
01:24:35I don't know.
01:24:40I just wanted to,
01:24:41you know,
01:24:42someone to talk to
01:24:43for like an hour.
01:24:45but I don't know.
01:24:49Tinder is exhausting.
01:24:51I don't,
01:24:51I don't want to...
01:24:52Nothing good happens
01:24:53from Tinder.
01:24:54Yeah.
01:24:56Well,
01:24:56we met on Tinder.
01:24:57there.
01:25:11you
01:25:11yeah.
01:25:13All right.
01:25:14Yeah.
01:25:14Yeah.
01:25:15Yeah.
01:25:16Yeah.
01:25:17Yeah.
01:25:18Yeah,
01:25:19yeah,
01:25:20yeah.
01:25:20Yeah,
01:25:20yeah.
01:25:21All right.
01:25:22Yeah,
01:25:22all right.
01:25:24You
01:25:24know,
01:25:55...
01:26:25...
01:26:26...
01:26:27...
01:26:28...
01:26:29...
01:26:31...
01:26:33...
01:26:35...
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