- 7/28/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:54We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, the old daft standing out here, it's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday, he might be here today.
00:02:12Oh no, the old daft standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh wait, please let's go.
00:02:21Oh no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25Feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:35Who are being stared at?
00:02:37Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:43Which is mine?
00:02:45Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:49Thanks.
00:02:51Neither do I.
00:02:53Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:02:57About as much as Mountsytongue's granddad.
00:02:59With all due respect.
00:03:01To his granddad.
00:03:03Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:05You.
00:03:07I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:09There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:11Ignore them.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:29Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:39Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:18I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24Don't you worry.
00:04:25Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:26Don't you worry.
00:04:27Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:29Every single time.
00:04:30I'm sorry.
00:04:31Don't you worry.
00:04:32Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:57Love and rainy weather
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Surely I can't get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:52Right?
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21That's all right, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say,
00:06:41I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm not hungry.
00:06:50La, la, la.
00:06:53La, la, la.
00:06:54I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night, night, percy filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:43Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:17no i don't tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo it does not i thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:11:02miss bardo
00:11:06marry me
00:11:06you know what they say once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:29about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:36did you have a good time last night great did you
00:11:39satisfied i stayed in for a change did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offense
00:11:55not that i have done played him for a change instead
00:12:06i have done ball
00:12:18ticket
00:12:19I haven't got my ticket
00:12:20we're late already
00:12:23see behind the goal then
00:12:26Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights. Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match. I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you. No, Normie.
00:13:33You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not specially, no. You going that?
00:13:38Yeah, well, erm, no. I was sort of, erm...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you? Shopping.
00:13:46I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:47I am.
00:13:48Which?
00:13:49Which are you?
00:13:50Any.
00:13:51I am.
00:13:53See you, then.
00:13:54Tonight?
00:13:55Pardon?
00:13:56Oh, er...
00:13:57All right, then.
00:13:58Right.
00:13:59Super socks!
00:14:00Did you see that?
00:14:01They're all on drugs, a lot of them.
00:14:02Oh, no.
00:14:03No.
00:14:04No.
00:14:05No.
00:14:06No.
00:14:07No.
00:14:08No.
00:14:09No.
00:14:10No.
00:14:11No.
00:14:12No.
00:14:13No.
00:14:14No.
00:14:15No.
00:14:16No.
00:14:17No.
00:14:18No.
00:14:19No.
00:14:20No.
00:14:21No.
00:14:22No.
00:14:23No.
00:14:24No.
00:14:25No.
00:14:26No.
00:14:27No.
00:14:28No.
00:14:29No.
00:14:30No.
00:14:31No.
00:14:32No.
00:14:33No.
00:14:34No.
00:14:35No.
00:14:36No.
00:14:37No.
00:14:38No.
00:14:39No.
00:14:40No.
00:14:41No.
00:14:42No.
00:14:43No.
00:14:44No.
00:14:45No.
00:14:46No.
00:14:47No.
00:14:48No.
00:14:49No.
00:14:50No.
00:14:51No.
00:14:52No.
00:14:53No.
00:14:54No.
00:14:55No.
00:14:56No.
00:14:57Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial.
00:15:38The pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:07Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13Yes.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No thanks, kid.
00:16:25Neville's ravenous.
00:16:26You've just eaten.
00:16:28Oh, of course.
00:16:29Yeah.
00:16:30Sorry.
00:16:31You see.
00:16:32What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:34By implication.
00:16:35Probably by implication.
00:16:36Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:41You see.
00:16:42Yes.
00:16:43Was he the errand boy?
00:16:44Was who the errand boy?
00:16:45Ken Thingy.
00:16:46He directed it.
00:16:47Oh, yes.
00:16:48I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:49Probably.
00:16:50You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:52Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:54It's over 200 yards from the cinema and you talk to me the whole way like a person.
00:17:00Oh, no.
00:17:01He's a good guy.
00:17:02I'm a good guy, that's all.
00:17:03Oh, no.
00:17:04All right.
00:17:05I'm a good guy.
00:17:06I'm a good guy.
00:17:07I'm a good guy.
00:17:08I'm a good guy.
00:17:09It's a good guy.
00:17:10I'm a good guy.
00:17:11So, I'm a good guy.
00:17:12I'm a good guy.
00:17:13I'm a good guy.
00:17:14I'm a good guy.
00:17:15I'm a good guy.
00:17:16What he's doing?
00:17:17I'm a good guy.
00:17:18person other boys seem to have one-track minds these days sex marriage the number
00:17:29of boys that asked me to marry them a couple of dates and how they want to get
00:17:34married I want to live a bit before I get married I suppose I just don't have a
00:17:38hang up about it get married hmm actually I find girls and most girls it is a bit
00:17:53obsessed these days not marriage sex sex that's what I said oh well I'm not like
00:18:08that did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol Ken Russell yeah
00:18:38I won't come in with it being our first date no anyway my mom's gone to bed we'd be on our own
00:18:59is that a reason for me not coming in now yes Jeffrey
00:19:03nice house thank you 25 year mortgage
00:19:18well thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24funny isn't it first date with someone it always leads to one of three things
00:19:33either nothing or something
00:19:37or everything
00:19:41don't think about Percy filth at this stage Peryl
00:19:45no I'm not
00:19:49night night god bless
00:19:53I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08what is it three two seven double four two one the easy way to remember it is the three and the two
00:20:14make five which is two less than seven then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two
00:20:18which is one um but you mustn't ring me if you don't want no but you can if you do
00:20:23do you want me to not if you'd rather not three two seven double four two one
00:20:29good night
00:20:59well hello mrs. battersby beryl's brought you up a cup of tea oh we all have a past life flashed before me then
00:21:07can't be mother's day you'd have forgotten has there been any clips mom I want the benefit of your experience
00:21:20what do you think of Andy Warhol
00:21:23you see Jeffrey has this theory that by implication
00:21:27who's Jeffrey
00:21:28of course Jeffrey knows about these things
00:21:30oh these things
00:21:32everything
00:21:33who's Jeffrey
00:21:35he's fantastically intelligent
00:21:37see Jeffrey's idea
00:21:38better who's Jeffrey
00:21:40oh no one
00:21:43no one's special
00:21:49his name's Jeffrey
00:21:54how did this barrel bird turn out last night then
00:22:01what barrel bird
00:22:02I told him
00:22:04did she uh
00:22:05did she uh
00:22:07what
00:22:09wow
00:22:12she doesn't then
00:22:16you don't listen do you
00:22:18I said
00:22:19how about sundry
00:22:20chips
00:22:27not seen him tonight then
00:22:36who
00:22:40I've rather better things to do thank you
00:22:47said he was no one special
00:22:57have they got a phone here
00:22:59why
00:23:01they haven't have they
00:23:04do you want to get some nookie lined up or something
00:23:07if I did do you think I'd be playing darts with you two
00:23:10look are you fed up here
00:23:12are you
00:23:14we'll split after this game
00:23:16anything you say
00:23:17and go for a few of the king's head
00:23:18great
00:23:20and that ends our probe
00:23:22well
00:23:23Monday tomorrow
00:23:25hallelujah
00:23:26pardon
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone
00:23:29but whatever it is
00:23:30you're being done
00:23:31good night
00:23:32good morning
00:24:01good morning
00:24:01good morning
00:24:11good morning
00:24:12long may it reign
00:24:12amen
00:24:13what's going on
00:24:16pounds up again
00:24:17oh god
00:24:19today's special
00:24:21bloody travelers checks
00:24:23here
00:24:23suddenly everyone's going on holiday
00:24:26except those
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:51We never see anything.
00:24:57Here we go.
00:25:06Three one more, just as the sun was rising,
00:25:12I heard a maiden singing in the valley, low.
00:25:17My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:46Oh, plus.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:51Five.
00:25:52Five.
00:25:53Which is...
00:25:54Which is...
00:25:55Three and two's five.
00:25:56Which is two less than seven.
00:25:58Which is...
00:25:59Which is...
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five.
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:04Which is...
00:26:05Three and two's five.
00:26:06Which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:12I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:24Oh.
00:26:25My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be seven twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:36It will be seven twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:41That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:44All over by seven twenty-three precisely.
00:26:48So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:59Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:23It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:25Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:47We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:16Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:31Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Yes.
00:28:44Mmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:57And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:06Really?
00:29:07You know, lopsided.
00:29:08I don't think I have.
00:29:10It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:12See?
00:29:14Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:17He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:19It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:21It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:22Men can do anything.
00:29:24Conquer Everest.
00:29:26Do heart transplants.
00:29:28Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:29Anything.
00:29:30Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:31It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:32Read any women's book.
00:29:33No.
00:29:34It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:36It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:38It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:39Men can do anything.
00:29:40Conquer Everest.
00:29:41Do heart transplants.
00:29:42Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything.
00:29:45Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:46It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:47Read any women's magazine.
00:29:48It's good for theirs, too.
00:29:49I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:29:51I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:29:52All Saturdays.
00:29:53Beryl.
00:29:54Beryl.
00:29:55Oh, Beryl.
00:29:57Oh, Geoffrey bobbles, bumble.
00:29:58Oh, Beryl.
00:29:59Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:01Oh!
00:30:03Oh, Beryl.
00:30:04Oh, Geoffrey!
00:30:05Oh, Beryl!
00:30:08Oh, Beryl?!
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:39I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:30Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:48Is it all sardine?
00:31:49Yeah.
00:31:50She's got her own trawler.
00:31:52Isn't it awful?
00:31:53What?
00:31:54I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:31:55What's happening in the world?
00:31:56I blame the politicians.
00:31:57What for?
00:31:58For what's happening in the world?
00:31:59Talk to her.
00:32:00Can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:01Tasty.
00:32:02Very in oil.
00:32:03Nice in oil.
00:32:04She's got a bad leg.
00:32:05Nice in oil.
00:32:06She's got a bad leg.
00:32:07Can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:08Tasty.
00:32:09Very in oil.
00:32:10Nice in oil.
00:32:11She's got a bad leg.
00:32:12The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:13Oh, I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:14He does something with the bleach.
00:32:15Yes.
00:32:16Yes.
00:32:17What's happening in the world?
00:32:18For what's happening in the world?
00:32:19For what's happening in the world?
00:32:21Talk to her.
00:32:22Can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24Very in oil.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:26Very nice in oil.
00:32:27She's got a bad leg.
00:32:28The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:29Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:31he does something with the bleach.
00:32:33Yes.
00:32:34Yes.
00:32:35I can't do long conversations about sorting sandwiches.
00:32:37My mind goes blank.
00:32:38Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:39Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:41A number of hearts he must have put on him.
00:32:44He's got a plan for me.
00:32:45I don't know.
00:32:46I don't know.
00:32:47I don't know.
00:32:48I don't know.
00:32:49I don't know.
00:32:50I'm not sure.
00:32:51I don't know.
00:32:52I'll start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:11Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White men speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:12You never thumped me, will you, like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38You used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-read, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:34Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48God.
00:36:50It's okay.
00:37:02One.
00:37:02One.
00:37:04One.
00:37:06Two.
00:37:06Two.
00:37:08One.
00:37:08One.
00:37:09One.
00:37:10Two.
00:37:10One.
00:37:11One.
00:37:12Two.
00:37:12Yellow.
00:37:12One.
00:37:13Two.
00:37:13One.
00:37:14Two.
00:37:14One.
00:37:14Four.
00:37:15One.
00:37:16One.
00:37:16Three.
00:37:17One.
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:14Where you are?
00:38:16Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:40And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I hadn't really looked.
00:39:06Seen one, you're seeing them all.
00:39:08Not quite all.
00:39:10I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:12Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:14Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:16I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:17They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:18Yes they are.
00:39:19Mmm.
00:39:20Oh, you were terrific on the boss.
00:39:21Yes.
00:39:22Oh, you were terrific on the boss.
00:39:23I didn't get me coat.
00:39:24I didn't get me coat.
00:39:25It must be my birthday.
00:39:26It must be my birthday.
00:39:27Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:29I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:30They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:31Yes they are.
00:39:32Mmm.
00:39:33Oh, you were terrific on the boss.
00:39:34Was her?
00:39:35Mmm.
00:39:36Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:54Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with my Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't. Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm. Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49God.
00:40:56Everyone is 11 years old.
00:40:57I've been on his forقت counselling.
00:40:57I've been disconnected from the tree to the three days before we come.
00:41:02But, what's the story?
00:41:08I've been getting developmental questions,
00:41:09Phillips and when I was a teenager,
00:41:12so I was going to even check my head.
00:41:13It's great.
00:41:14Lily is waiting for me.
00:41:15Um, I'm listening to m Juliet's where I can think of him.
00:41:16I cannot get somehaits 못 and netflix donations,
00:41:17Can I move this book?
00:41:18What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:22Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:25No. Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:48Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:18Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:26I'm fed up.
00:42:32Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:34What are you fed up about?
00:42:36Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:40No.
00:42:41They just mark it.
00:42:43Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:42:46Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:42:49What's he doing here, then?
00:42:50Well, er...
00:42:51This is your Uncle Steven.
00:42:52This is my revolting brother, James.
00:42:53What are you fed up about?
00:42:54What are you fed up about?
00:42:55Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:56No.
00:42:57They just mark it.
00:42:58Anyone can mark it.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:01Look what you're fed up about.
00:43:02Oh, dear.
00:43:03Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, er...
00:43:14This is your Uncle Steven.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:46Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:48He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:46In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5850.
00:45:0050.
00:45:02Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:1760.
00:45:1850 as a cat.
00:45:1950.
00:45:2350.
00:45:2550.
00:45:3050.
00:45:3150.
00:45:3250.
00:45:3350...
00:45:34I don't know.
00:45:3550.
00:45:36A .
00:45:3750.
00:45:38Oh, come on.
00:45:40In 30.
00:45:41Over here!
00:45:43Good night, love.
00:45:47We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how.
00:45:53You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:55Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shhh. Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:39We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43Well, we...
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Good night, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:56Good night.
00:47:13Good night.
00:47:14Good night.
00:47:16Good night.
00:47:17Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while we
00:47:36were fiddling on the flaming roof I'm sorry mum I'll take you out another night something cropped
00:47:41up like what dad you understand I don't Jeffrey we always say you do Jeffrey you're at it every
00:47:53night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different I knew you'd understand
00:48:11I'll talk about on me around what's going on pounds down again open down like a pair of knickers you
00:48:39should know or me not me what a night a lot including action replays in slow motion hey lads I picked up a
00:48:58bit of spare last night who didn't it's true yes Jeffrey it is yes Jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes
00:49:13poor Jeffrey
00:49:17Beryl please it's Neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel
00:49:24he'll see other girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up
00:49:54he only had one ambition in life send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course
00:50:29if she has I might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:39well I'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby
00:50:49oh hi
00:50:50didn't see you
00:50:51no nor me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57United
00:50:57we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good
00:51:01and what's new with Jeffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you
00:51:17did I say more
00:51:18pardon
00:51:20how's Beryl baby getting on then
00:51:22Jeffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome
00:51:35you laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe
00:51:51what do you care
00:51:54I don't have a baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:04probably
00:52:07Jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15it is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut off man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat
00:52:40gets it together
00:52:41where it's at
00:52:41lots of beautiful
00:52:45bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig
00:52:53I'm sorry I no understand English
00:53:01gesundheit
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:12she has
00:53:14and which is her husband
00:53:16neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it
00:53:24great beat isn't it
00:53:33great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41if so what's death
00:53:46a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:54have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58erm
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:06no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13are you a poet
00:54:15never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager
00:54:23at Mountain Spaces
00:54:24what's that
00:54:26I really dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV
00:54:35this
00:54:37what's on BBC
00:54:39Casinova
00:54:43what's that like
00:54:46this
00:54:47come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay
00:55:00women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this
00:55:22Enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a white wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:27you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass
00:55:33Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well
00:55:39like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls
00:55:45but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:56would you please stop saying that
00:55:59you believe in free love right
00:56:01wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist
00:56:06pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:13excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:14no
00:56:15oh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18well man sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass
00:56:23Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26I said don't
00:56:27you're not to smoke it
00:56:28oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see
00:56:51what we believe
00:56:52now
00:56:52you see
00:56:56wow
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:02what you doing
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it
00:57:30pathetic
00:57:34well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life
00:57:43that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50the perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet
00:58:10you're very sweet
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:20it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh
00:58:50oh
00:58:50sorry
00:58:50do you know
00:58:55what girl
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Jeffrey's got to
00:59:01he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble but I think I'm dying
00:59:25you'll be alright honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:30she said
00:59:31Jeffrey
00:59:35Jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45Jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit Jeffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:09call Dr. Wise
01:00:15put a
01:00:15quillmslow road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:23what was it then
01:00:27grass
01:00:28grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40that you Beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Jeffrey
01:01:09that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17and I
01:02:18I
01:02:19I
01:02:23I
01:02:24I
01:02:26know
01:02:28got
01:02:29high
01:02:30you
01:02:31I
01:02:32well
01:02:33I
01:02:34I
01:02:34it
01:02:35I
01:02:35nd
01:02:36I
01:02:37I
01:02:38I
01:02:39it
01:02:39I
01:02:39it
01:02:40it
01:02:41it
01:02:41it
01:02:42A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:12Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, barrel.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48We're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:57Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't because I shan't be in tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:22It's a small world.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:32Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:44Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:24They've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:53Never mind.
01:06:54It's only a game.
01:06:55I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08No!
01:07:09Yeah!
01:07:10I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:12I may be wrong.
01:07:13Grace who?
01:07:14We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:15Read any colour supplement.
01:07:16Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:17I am, love.
01:07:18And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:19You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if
01:07:24he's only on the phone.
01:07:25Yes, sir.
01:07:26Well, boys are very, sir.
01:07:27And I am your mother.
01:07:28That's what I said.
01:07:29I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:30Let's see.
01:07:31Romantic.
01:07:32Pardon?
01:07:33Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:34I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:35Let's see.
01:07:36Romantic.
01:07:37Pardon?
01:07:38Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:39Things of that nature.
01:07:40Oh, we do.
01:07:41Do what?
01:07:42What you just said.
01:07:43Good.
01:07:44what I said. I don't mean permissive permissive. Romantic. Pardon? Kissing,
01:07:57cuddling. Things of that nature. Oh we do. Do what? What you just said. Good. Not too
01:08:08much I hope. Oh God. Boys are very funny. They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the
01:08:21green curtains? Oh. Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the
01:08:29green curtains. Fantastic.
01:08:34The Cowgills. Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill. Married couple. Newlyweds. Not long married. You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:09:03I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty
01:09:07curtains. Living in sin.
01:09:11Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:20If I said to you do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano would you
01:09:26say what's it matter so long as they're happily married? I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would. Giving you a bad time is she? Oh. I wouldn't say that. I haven't even
01:09:44mentioned the word. What word? Goodness me a single person can have a relationship
01:09:49with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically
01:09:52after. I never said you were. You think it.
01:10:09All right Geoffrey. I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage? Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am. If I ever do. Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:30No two people have a divine right to happiness Geoffrey. You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life. Not yet.
01:10:48What are you staring at?
01:10:54Hello? You all right son? Terrific.
01:10:57Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then? Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm. My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh. What's your theory? Indigestion.
01:11:10Oh. What's yours Sundance?
01:11:15Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:18He has said one thing. Oh, what's that?
01:11:20If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks. All right.
01:11:24The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:33Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:38Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells. Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't it?
01:12:03Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves!
01:12:10Having a good time!
01:12:12Just having fun!
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:32That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:48Look Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Good Jesus Christ, Superstar. Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:11Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:12It's important.
01:13:13What is?
01:13:14I keep asking you what is.
01:13:15What is?
01:13:16To be on our own.
01:13:17What?
01:13:18What?
01:13:19What?
01:13:20What?
01:13:21What?
01:13:22What?
01:13:23What?
01:13:24What?
01:13:25What?
01:13:26What?
01:13:27What?
01:13:28What?
01:13:29What?
01:13:30What?
01:13:31What?
01:13:32What?
01:13:33What?
01:13:34What?
01:13:35What?
01:13:36What?
01:13:38What?
01:13:39What?
01:13:40What?
01:13:41What?
01:13:42What?
01:13:43What?
01:13:44What?
01:13:45What?
01:13:46What?
01:13:47What?
01:13:48What?
01:13:49What I can remember is and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:55Grace who?
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:15What?
01:14:16What?
01:14:17What?
01:14:18What?
01:14:19What?
01:14:20What?
01:14:21What?
01:14:22What?
01:14:23What?
01:14:24What?
01:14:25What?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:39No.
01:15:42I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58No.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:15I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know.
01:16:42You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:13Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:44I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:00There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:06I can't even remember.
01:18:07Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:29Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:50Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:14two matinee coats,
01:19:16two romper suits,
01:19:18and what else do I need?
01:19:21Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45She's been happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:25I know.
01:20:26Spell was no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra,
01:20:38this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:43Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:18Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:20Eh, fine.
01:21:21This is fine enough.
01:21:22Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:56Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:01It's tuna fish.
01:22:02It's life.
01:22:03It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President, Nick.
01:22:13Something to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:22:58We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:20I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:23Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:06I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:10Attention!
01:24:11Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:15to each other sometime.
01:24:45Hello, Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:00Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:03Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:07She's gone to the football match.
01:25:10There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39Hi.
01:25:41When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then?
01:25:59I don't know.
01:26:03I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:06Where will you?
01:26:10Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:12Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:15Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:18May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:22Just as friends.
01:26:24Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:26Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:43Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:02Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone, really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54I have a point i'm in this crowd of booster 멤�ers.
01:27:57I'm not sure how lot are our faces in this crowd.
01:27:59I have a point i'm and I...
01:28:00I have an �.
01:28:01I have a point i'm about to get a bit ofgereIEL.
01:28:04We'll walk산 for antennas.
01:28:07We're not sure how
01:28:07we foot.
01:28:09We'll walk in, we're going to live in the way.
01:28:10We'll walk out, you, we'll walk.
01:28:12Back and пад.
01:28:13Hands.
01:28:15We've been a мин.
01:28:16And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Are followed by the sun
01:29:31Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Love and rainy weather
01:29:37Who clouds fall
01:29:39When the rainy weather
01:29:41iggled at night
01:29:43Miss no way
01:29:44Well, here's the sun
01:29:46The moon
01:29:47North
01:29:48Come on
01:29:49We'll find
01:29:50Keep
01:29:51Hope
01:29:52Yeah
01:29:53Everyone
01:29:54Not
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