- today
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:07CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm a silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26Jesus! God is Lord!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, Neil, that's standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:09But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:11Oh, no. That little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:13Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:24But I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any, except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:51Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:02:59About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:03To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:07You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24I'm surprised.
00:04:41Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:31Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39What? Cutting a rug.
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:44Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:54Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight?
00:05:58Tomorrow night?
00:05:59Every night
00:06:01You might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:12We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost
00:06:16They do their own thing
00:06:18The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:20Yes please
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:30It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:34I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:40I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:06:42I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:06:46No really?
00:06:48I really do
00:06:50Some people don't
00:06:52I do
00:06:54Beryl
00:06:56Please take my word for it
00:06:58Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:00And invite you to the pictures
00:07:02Paul McCartney who?
00:07:04He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:06And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:08I sacrifice too much for your 6-0 levels
00:07:10You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:12I never touched you
00:07:14Terrific self-conditioning
00:07:16Terrific self-conditioning
00:07:18No really?
00:07:19No really?
00:07:20No really?
00:07:21No really?
00:07:22No really?
00:07:23I really do
00:07:24Some people don't
00:07:25I do
00:07:26Beryl
00:07:27Please take my word for it
00:07:29Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:31And invite you to the pictures
00:07:32Paul McCartney who?
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul
00:07:51Not a dirty weekend
00:07:53A disgusting one
00:07:57Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:07Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:09It's not my fault
00:08:11It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:15It's-it's psychosomatic
00:08:23It's-it's psychosomatic
00:08:25I'm sorry
00:08:27It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:57Oh, Sandra.
00:09:04There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:22It's our first date.
00:09:27Probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:57What?
00:10:03Got it.
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:05You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:08I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:13how about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:16No, I don't.
00:10:18Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:28I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:32I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:38You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:45We're just good friends.
00:10:47Goodnight.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:04Marry me.
00:11:06You know what they say?
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Martin!
00:11:16Martin!
00:11:17Martin!
00:11:18Martin!
00:11:19Martin!
00:11:20Martin!
00:11:21Martin!
00:11:22Martin!
00:11:23Martin!
00:11:24Martin!
00:11:25Martin!
00:11:26Martin!
00:11:27Martin!
00:11:28Martin!
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:33Martin!
00:11:34Martin!
00:11:35Martin!
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Is it you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I say it in for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:43Did you?
00:11:44Did you?
00:11:45Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:49Not that I have done.
00:11:50Paid in for a change instead.
00:11:51Ticket.
00:11:52I ain't got me ticket.
00:11:53We're late already.
00:11:54No.
00:11:55No.
00:11:56No.
00:11:57No.
00:11:58No.
00:11:59No.
00:12:00No.
00:12:01No.
00:12:02No.
00:12:03No.
00:12:04No.
00:12:05No.
00:12:06No.
00:12:07No.
00:12:08No.
00:12:09No.
00:12:10No.
00:12:11No.
00:12:12No.
00:12:13No.
00:12:21No.
00:12:22No.
00:12:23No.
00:12:24No.
00:12:33No.
00:12:35No.
00:12:37No.
00:12:38Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:08Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not specially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:39Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:00All right.
00:14:01See you then.
00:14:02Tonight?
00:14:03Pardon?
00:14:04Oh, I...
00:14:05All right then.
00:14:06Right.
00:14:07Super socks.
00:14:08Did you see that?
00:14:09They're all on drugs.
00:14:10A lot of them.
00:14:11Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:14:41The score?
00:14:46Low's in. 3-1.
00:15:11Excuse me, I...
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Peace, ma'am. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial? Pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim. I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:55What do you, uh...
00:15:57What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:15:58Fair sort of bird.
00:15:59Sort of.
00:16:00She's all right.
00:16:01Yes.
00:16:02I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:04Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:06You having a coffee with us?
00:16:08No.
00:16:09No.
00:16:10No.
00:16:11No.
00:16:12No.
00:16:13No.
00:16:14No.
00:16:15No.
00:16:16No.
00:16:17No.
00:16:18No.
00:16:19No.
00:16:20No.
00:16:21No.
00:16:22No.
00:16:23No.
00:16:24No.
00:16:25No.
00:16:26No.
00:16:27No.
00:16:28No.
00:16:29No.
00:16:30No.
00:16:31No.
00:16:32No.
00:16:33No.
00:16:34No.
00:16:35No.
00:16:36No.
00:16:37No.
00:16:38No.
00:16:39No.
00:16:40No.
00:16:41No.
00:16:42You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:43No thanks, kid.
00:16:45Neville's raviness.
00:16:46You've just eaten.
00:16:47Oh, of course.
00:16:48Yeah.
00:16:49Sorry.
00:16:50You see?
00:16:51What I thought Kenneth was always trying to do...
00:16:52Was who the Aaron Boyd? Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it. Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex? Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married? Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls...
00:17:52I'm a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil?
00:18:02Sex.
00:18:03That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:28Ken Russell?
00:18:29Yeah.
00:18:30No.
00:18:31Do you want to say anything?
00:18:32No, do you want to say anything?
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No. Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey. Oh.
00:19:12Nice house. Thank you.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:18Oh, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:25Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:39Or everything.
00:19:42Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:31Yes.
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she, uh...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:10Pfft.
00:22:11Pfft.
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:12Pfft.
00:22:13Pfft.
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:16Pfft.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:20Chips.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:27Chams, sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:37Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:07Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:37Why don't we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52Come on in.
00:25:16My timing not disturbing.
00:25:18You're singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That's Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Never tell us he's going to take this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five.
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:04Three and two is five.
00:26:06Which is two less than seven.
00:26:07Which is...
00:26:09I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his
00:28:57strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:57Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Ugh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37There isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47deals with the
00:37:05Don't appear.
00:37:08Ah.
00:37:09I'm here.
00:37:09I'm here.
00:37:10Come on.
00:37:10Oh, you're a good one.
00:37:11You're not ready.
00:37:11I'm here.
00:37:11I'm here.
00:37:12You're not leaving.
00:37:12Oh.
00:37:13You're going to do it.
00:37:14John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:49Aren't you, er...
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:17Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I hadn't really looked.
00:39:07Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:11I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:13Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:27Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy Fils.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:45Wasn't it?
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:48Terrific self control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:03and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside then.
00:40:25You smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:55What's your name again?
00:40:56What's yours?
00:40:57Rock.
00:40:58That's not your real name.
00:40:59No.
00:41:00Steven.
00:41:01Oh, God, that turns me on.
00:41:02That's not your real name.
00:41:03No.
00:41:04Steven.
00:41:05what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no
00:41:26Steven when I first met in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation in dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:56mm-hmm
00:42:19testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns the day I wish you everything you've ever
00:42:24wished yourself
00:42:31I'm fed up
00:42:38who are you who are you
00:42:46what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two
00:43:07two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:14well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:22how'd you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake them up and tell
00:43:28them
00:43:29me
00:43:30little boys need sleep
00:43:35even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:38do you
00:43:41say no
00:43:43no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and there's these
00:43:53500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32erm
00:44:33that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well
00:44:39people do it all the time
00:44:44whenever they feel like it
00:44:50in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:54goodnight Jeremy
00:44:5725p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:0250
00:45:0950
00:45:1050
00:45:1150
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Goodnight, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:59Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Well, tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh. Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:23This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Good night, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:21Good night.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:45I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:47Well, you always say you do.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad.
00:47:54And we don't complain.
00:47:55No, Dad.
00:47:56But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00There, you were both happy.
00:48:01Little to death.
00:48:02Don't give up.
00:48:03Nashville.
00:48:05Maybe you, you're busy.
00:48:06You're busy with a real army.
00:48:07It's very good.
00:48:08It's very cool, man.
00:48:09It's a party.
00:48:10It's very cute.
00:48:11It's very nice.
00:48:12I see you, Mr. Thomas.
00:48:13Nice to have to know and get it out.
00:48:14You've lost the plane in the space.
00:48:15You've lost the plane.
00:48:16You don't know?
00:48:17Well, you know what?
00:48:18Does it matter.
00:48:19I see you, Mr. Thomas.
00:48:20CHALTON FOR POPE
00:48:30CHALTON FOR POPE
00:48:32what's going on?
00:48:34pounds down again
00:48:36up and down like a pair of knickers
00:48:38you should know
00:48:40or me
00:48:42know what I mean
00:48:44what a night
00:48:46wow
00:48:48a lot
00:48:50including action replays in slow motion
00:48:56hey lads I picked up a bit of spare last night
00:48:58who didn't?
00:49:00no it's true
00:49:02yes Geoffrey
00:49:04it is
00:49:06yes Geoffrey
00:49:12bloody is
00:49:16poor Geoffrey
00:49:18it's Neville's engagement party as well
00:49:20he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me
00:49:23it's cruel
00:49:24he'll see other girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:30it's been two weeks
00:49:32he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know
00:49:36don't know much about men
00:49:38do you love?
00:49:40it was doing him a kindness really
00:49:50finally splitting up
00:49:52he only had one ambition in life
00:49:54send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:08good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:50:10the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:12I expect he's sorry now
00:50:14I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:16she might have changed of course
00:50:18if she has I might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:20he's got to accept we've finally split up
00:50:22otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:24well I'm certainly not making the first move
00:50:26at least I've got me pride
00:50:28I left with Beryl baby
00:50:30oh hi
00:50:32didn't see you
00:50:34no nor me
00:50:36and how's Manchester City doing
00:50:38without me cheering them on then
00:50:40United
00:50:42I left with Beryl baby
00:50:44oh hi
00:50:46didn't see you
00:50:48no nor me
00:50:50and how's Manchester City doing
00:50:52without me cheering them on then
00:50:54United
00:50:56we're winning every game now
00:50:58ah
00:51:00good
00:51:02and what's new with Geoffrey then
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you
00:51:12I asked you
00:51:14did you
00:51:16did you
00:51:17did I say more
00:51:18pardon
00:51:20and how's Beryl baby getting on then
00:51:22Geoffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me out
00:51:24Beryl baby
00:51:26it isn't like you
00:51:28say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:32what's your name handsome
00:51:34you'll laugh
00:51:36everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:42you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:50she's putting on an axe
00:51:52what do you care
00:51:54I don't have a baby
00:51:56have a baby
00:52:02is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:06probably
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:12well it's very exhausting
00:52:14what is
00:52:16working in a bank
00:52:18working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:26I had this bad scene
00:52:28this chick
00:52:30and decided to split
00:52:32so I
00:52:34cut out man
00:52:36like there's no tomorrow
00:52:38this
00:52:40this cat
00:52:42gets it together where it's at man
00:52:44lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:48don't cool it
00:52:50dig
00:52:52hmm
00:52:54sorry
00:52:56I
00:52:58sorry
00:52:59I no
00:53:00understand English
00:53:06Gesundheit
00:53:08I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:12she has
00:53:14and which is her husband
00:53:16neither
00:53:22it's warming up isn't it
00:53:26great beat isn't it
00:53:32great to dance to
00:53:34great to dance to
00:53:40do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:42hmm
00:53:44if so what's death
00:53:46erm
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:54have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58erm
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:04you married
00:54:06no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:12are you a poet
00:54:14never ask the questions
00:54:16ask the answers
00:54:18you are a poet
00:54:20you are a poet
00:54:22to any manager of the Mountain Spaces
00:54:24would you
00:54:28I really dirt you
00:54:30now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:34what's on ITV
00:54:36this
00:54:38what's on BBC
00:54:40what's that like
00:54:42this
00:54:44oh
00:54:46come on now
00:54:48you know that's not where it's at
00:54:50let's get this
00:54:52what's the word
00:54:54let's get it clear
00:54:56let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:58okay
00:55:08women's lip
00:55:10is not about burning bras
00:55:12papers yeah
00:55:14what papers
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:17a dog's license
00:55:18whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:22all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a white wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:26you want to be really basic
00:55:28utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:32grass
00:55:34Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says every girl
00:55:37she means most girls
00:55:38well
00:55:39like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls definitely want
00:55:45balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:49without recourse to
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:57would you please stop saying that
00:55:59you believe in free love right
00:56:01wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:03freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination
00:56:06honestly
00:56:07don't you understand
00:56:08excuse me
00:56:09you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:14you've got your hand on me
00:56:15no
00:56:16oh
00:56:17oh sorry
00:56:18sorry
00:56:19well I'm sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:21oh gee
00:56:22it's a pleasure
00:56:23grass
00:56:24Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26I said don't
00:56:27you not to smoke it
00:56:37oh wow
00:56:39we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:41we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:45just doesn't arise
00:56:46we'll make some coffee
00:56:49please
00:56:50you see what we believe is
00:56:51now
00:56:52you see
00:56:56where are one
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:01through
00:57:04you doing
00:57:05lighting everybody's fire
00:57:11burn my bra
00:57:16right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:22we've finally split up
00:57:23Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:25I should imagine
00:57:26sad isn't it
00:57:29pathetic
00:57:33well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:39it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43well
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50the perfect girl
00:57:53red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:57very gentle and shy
00:58:01passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:06I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet
00:58:09you're very sweet
00:58:12I've always thought you were
00:58:17did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:20it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:21no it's nice
00:58:38I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh
00:58:54do you know
00:58:55what Beryl?
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:59do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04he's upstairs I think
00:59:08is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15usually
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23but I think I'm dying
00:59:24we'll be all right
00:59:25honest
00:59:27she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who?
00:59:30she said
00:59:34Geoffrey
00:59:38Geoffrey
00:59:45sorry
00:59:52Geoffrey
00:59:57move up a bit Geoffrey
00:59:59put your legs
01:00:01that's better
01:00:05it's because it's your first time isn't it?
01:00:08oh
01:00:13call Dr. Weisberg
01:00:15Quilmslow Road
01:00:21it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:26what was it then?
01:00:28grass
01:00:30grass is marijuana
01:00:33this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:39from the front lawn
01:00:49is that you Beryl?
01:00:55had a nice time?
01:00:57even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:08did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:43I'm right off birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:53and me
01:01:54I am
01:02:12good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:16I know
01:02:17I am
01:02:46kidney
01:03:00ok
01:03:04oh
01:03:08oh Beryl
01:03:10Beryl
01:03:11Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:22Oh, Beryl.
01:03:26Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:29Oh, God.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:39The small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:11The...
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:24They've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41do you think you never want to do?
01:06:43TROCKS
01:07:03Never mind. It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you'd only love me.
01:07:11I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good. Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:36The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52How old are you going bald?
01:09:02Dude, I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09They're living in sin.
01:09:11Yes, sir.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16if I said to you do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano would you say what's
01:09:26it matter so long as they're happily married I don't think so Beryl would
01:09:32giving you a bad time is she oh I wouldn't say that
01:09:40I haven't even mentioned the word what word
01:09:46goodness me a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking she's automatically I never said you were you think it
01:09:55all right Geoffrey I hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never well until I am if I ever do which I fervently hope I never will
01:10:23for someone who's not uttering something when's your old pee coming out
01:10:27no two people have a divine right to happiness Geoffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:44what are you staring at
01:10:51hello you all right son terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then
01:11:00your mother's theory is you're overworking my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:07oh what's your theory indigestion oh what's your sundance
01:11:15hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if God had meant sardines to
01:11:23be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side
01:11:31willing to compromise we still have deadlock her majesty's government have consistently tried to
01:11:37find a way out of this dilemma another wild night learning what I know spells and how many of us
01:11:42school pals are getting married and what I know spells and what I know spells great I might as well
01:11:50go get bald and open my own monastery and so society that's you and me says end this dispute
01:11:57end it now good night area good one day terrific especially when he said good night
01:12:07we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time just having fun
01:12:14be happy take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in
01:12:21the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:23you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:35make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and i'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in denmark then we'll both be happy right right good jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell pounds up again see you tomorrow
01:13:08where do you think you're going
01:13:11jeffrey i'll get the sack it's important
01:13:19what is
01:13:22i keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:29to be on our own
01:13:31what
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:36what
01:13:37had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:45the only bit i can remember is and that's what i think
01:13:50last night i dreamt i was in goal for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56grace who
01:13:57grace who she was playing for united as well weird isn't it
01:14:01the main thing is
01:14:10we do communicate
01:14:13oh we do
01:14:15oh we do
01:14:16we do
01:14:16we do
01:14:16we do
01:14:17we do
01:14:17we do
01:14:17we do
01:14:18we do
01:14:19we do
01:14:24see what i think
01:14:24see what i think
01:14:25see what i think
01:14:26go on
01:14:27no you mine wasn't important
01:14:28no momma wasn't
01:14:31momma wasn't
01:14:31Beryl, are you... happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:01I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:04So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:27Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55A little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Something happened about it.
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh.
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16I'll be right back.
01:24:25I wish I was.
01:24:28I wish I was.
01:24:31I wish I was.
01:24:33I wish I was.
01:24:35I wish I was.
01:24:36Hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:05Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:35Hi. When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:02Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:36Wish we had a ball.
01:26:39Could play shooting in.
01:26:43You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:13Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:23We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:38All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:12Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:13And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:31Bye-bye
01:29:33!
Recommended
1:23:04
1:38:34
1:01:36
1:58:32
1:00:16
50:15
1:00:23
1:23:34
46:46
1:25:41
1:16:58
1:17:26
1:02:10
1:12:22
1:39:51
1:43:32