- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:35Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:37Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:27Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:13Oh, it's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:23Oh, sure I can't get you down.
00:05:27Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight, tomorrow night, every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:26And fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:37Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing, and cooking, and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57They'd paid him for a change instead.
00:12:14Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:39Aye!
00:12:41Aww!
00:12:42Well, Knight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag pase.
00:12:49Trendy, crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Well, no. I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pitchers tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right then.
00:14:11Right.
00:14:12Super socks.
00:14:13Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28All right.
00:14:29Well done.
00:14:30Boy...
00:14:31He's scoored.
00:14:48Loes in.
00:14:503-1.
00:14:51Excuse me, I...
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:26Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37Anywhere controversial?
00:15:39The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:43Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, you know...
00:15:50Oh.
00:16:03Would you, er...
00:16:05Would you sort of reckon she's a...
00:16:09fair sort of bird?
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58Sex.
00:18:00Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not passive-elf-motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:34No.
00:18:35No.
00:18:36No.
00:18:37No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39This is it.
00:18:52I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05No.
00:19:06No.
00:19:07No.
00:19:08No.
00:19:09No.
00:19:10No.
00:19:11No.
00:19:12No.
00:19:13No.
00:19:14No.
00:19:15No.
00:19:16No.
00:19:17No.
00:19:18No.
00:19:19No.
00:19:20No.
00:19:21No.
00:19:22No.
00:19:23No.
00:19:24No.
00:19:25No.
00:19:26No.
00:19:27No.
00:19:28No.
00:19:29No.
00:19:30No.
00:19:31No.
00:19:32No.
00:19:33No.
00:19:34No.
00:19:35No.
00:19:36No.
00:19:37No.
00:19:38No.
00:19:39No.
00:19:40No.
00:19:41No.
00:19:42No.
00:19:43No.
00:19:44No.
00:19:45No.
00:19:46No.
00:19:47No.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:103274421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16and two fours and half of four which is two and half of two which is one.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No. But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:26Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:283274421.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:46Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh!
00:21:31These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:40Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:49His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:07Did she, er...
00:22:09What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums. Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:41I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:56Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:27Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:37Good night.
00:23:38Good night.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:07Charlton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on? Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:37Why do we always do that? 93 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:07One more one just as the sun was rising.
00:25:12I heard a maiden singing in the valley.
00:25:16My timing not disturbing. You're singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:34He never promises he's going to take this...
00:25:37I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:47Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:53Five. Five. Which is... Which is...
00:26:04Three and two is five. Which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:12I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:19Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:30It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:36It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:46So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52PHONE RINGS
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:18Fantastic.
00:27:20I want to know all about you.
00:27:21That's what it's all about.
00:27:22For example, with things in common already.
00:27:23Definitely.
00:27:24Like what?
00:27:25We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:26Right.
00:27:27And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:28And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:29Yes.
00:27:30Yes.
00:27:31Fantastic.
00:27:32Fantastic.
00:27:33I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:36For example, with things in common already.
00:27:37Definitely.
00:27:38Like what?
00:27:39We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:40Right.
00:27:41And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:42Have you ever been abroad?
00:27:43No.
00:27:44Have you?
00:27:45No.
00:27:46Have you?
00:27:47No.
00:27:48Unless you count Istanbul?
00:27:49No.
00:27:50Unless you count Istanbul.
00:27:51Istanbul?
00:27:52Was it beyond belief?
00:27:53No.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul? Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:31Just...just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know others.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:45He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot. He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:29It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything. Conquer Everest. Do heart transplants.
00:29:41Become leader of the opposition. Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl. Read any women's magazine. It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey bubbles, Bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:31Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not!
00:30:48Urgh!
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:56I know how they feel!
00:30:58Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:01That's true!
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:15You'd better apologise again.
00:31:18I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line!
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:30Pardon?
00:31:32Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:35Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:36Sardine sandwich.
00:31:38Is it all sardine?
00:31:39Yeah.
00:31:43She's got her own trawler.
00:31:44Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine? Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful? What?
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey. What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians. What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese. Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Very nice in oil. She's got a bad leg.
00:32:32The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34I have this little baker down the road. He does something with the bleach.
00:32:38Yes.
00:32:47Can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:57Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Wow, is that the time at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Quite in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why is Geoffrey?
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not. Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00Who needs drama?
00:34:05So I shouted back at her.
00:34:07No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37There isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right. Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:56Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too. It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:18I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:22Groovy.
00:35:24I won't wave from the window.
00:35:26No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:28Good.
00:35:30It's been a gasp.
00:35:31You're well-bred barrel. There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:46About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:51Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:01You'll never thump me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:05Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:09No. We're going to pack it in.
00:36:11Don't say that. Please don't say that.
00:36:13That.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:25Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:32What are you going to do?
00:36:34She'll think of something.
00:36:36Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations. I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:43Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:45Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:50Of course.
00:36:51Thanks.
00:36:52Yeah.
00:36:53Yes.
00:36:55Hey, man.
00:36:57The clij decful.
00:36:59You're going to be, let's see.
00:37:01Yeah.
00:37:03It's good.
00:37:04What's he doing?
00:37:05Yeah.
00:37:06All right.
00:37:08Oh, gosh.
00:37:10I'm sorry.
00:37:12It's good.
00:37:14Yeah.
00:37:15Yes.
00:37:16I'm sorry.
00:37:17I'm sorry.
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are?
00:38:17Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:40And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:03I hadn't really looked.
00:39:07Seen one.
00:39:08You've seen them all.
00:39:09Not quite all.
00:39:10I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:15Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:23Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:38They aren't all after Percy Filse.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:49Terrific self-control.
00:39:52Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:21Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49Oh my God.
00:41:12My God.
00:41:14what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation in dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:56good night uncle Stephen
00:45:14Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:11I'm not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:32Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:41We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44Well, we're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:55Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19Morning.
00:47:19Previous generation.
00:47:21what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know is where were you
00:47:35while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:42dad you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:20Charlton for Pope
00:48:30long me around
00:48:32what's going on
00:48:34pounds down again
00:48:36up and down like a pair of knickers
00:48:38you should know
00:48:39or me
00:48:41know what I mean
00:48:43what a night
00:48:45wow
00:48:47a lot
00:48:48including action replays in slow motion
00:48:53hey lads
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night
00:48:59who didn't
00:49:00no it's true
00:49:01yes Jeffrey
00:49:04it is
00:49:05yes Jeffrey
00:49:06bloody is
00:49:13poor Jeffrey
00:49:17Beryl please
00:49:18it's Neville's engagement party as well
00:49:20you had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me
00:49:23it's cruel
00:49:24he'll see other girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks
00:49:33he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men
00:49:37do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really
00:50:04finally splitting up
00:50:06he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:50:18the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course
00:50:29if she has I might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up
00:50:36otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well I'm certainly not making the first move
00:50:44at least I've got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby
00:50:49oh hi
00:50:50didn't see you
00:50:51no nor me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57United
00:50:58we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good
00:51:01and what's new with Geoffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you?
00:51:17did I say more?
00:51:20pardon?
00:51:20and how's Beryl baby getting on then?
00:51:24Geoffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome?
00:51:36you'll laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she used to put them on an axe
00:51:51what do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06probably
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks out for sleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15it is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat
00:52:40gets it together where it's at
00:52:41lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig?
00:52:57sorry
00:52:58I no understand English
00:53:01I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:12she has
00:53:14and which is her husband?
00:53:17neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it?
00:53:24great beat isn't it?
00:53:34great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44if so
00:53:45what's death
00:53:46what's death?
00:53:47erm
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00erm
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:06no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13are you a poet?
00:54:16never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager
00:54:23of Mountain Spaces
00:54:24what's that?
00:54:28I really dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV?
00:54:37this
00:54:37what's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova
00:54:43what's that like?
00:54:47this
00:54:47come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it
00:54:56clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay?
00:55:09women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers?
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a white wedding
00:55:25really basic?
00:55:27you want to be really basic?
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass?
00:55:35Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls
00:55:45definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:47if you can't conduct
00:55:49an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51I'm not recourse to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you
00:55:53what girls want
00:55:54what?
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:56would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00you believe in free love
00:56:01right?
00:56:02wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist
00:56:06pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society
00:56:10for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:13excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:14no
00:56:15oh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18well man sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not?
00:56:26I said don't
00:56:27you're not to smoke it
00:56:29oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see
00:56:51what we believe is
00:56:52you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:57I can see
00:56:59there's only one way
00:57:00to get through
00:57:02what you doing?
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it
00:57:30pathetic
00:57:34well I can't follow plays
00:57:39these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life
00:57:43that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50the perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet
00:58:10you're very sweet
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:19it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:35I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh
00:58:50oh
00:58:50sorry
00:58:50do you know
00:58:55what girl
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Geoffrey's got to
00:59:01he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble but I think I'm dying
00:59:25he'll be alright
00:59:26honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:30she said
00:59:31Geoffrey
00:59:35Geoffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45Geoffrey
00:59:53move up a bit Geoffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:08call Dr. Wiseberg
01:00:15Quilmslow Road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:23what was it then
01:00:27grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40like you Beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Geoffrey
01:01:09that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling
01:01:34you're trying too hard
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17can I
01:02:18I am
01:02:19I am
01:02:20I am
01:02:21for good
01:02:22to know if you have any of yourina
01:02:23your father
01:02:25will be there
01:02:27for whatever
01:02:28you're having us
01:02:29to do
01:02:30you can
01:02:31to do
01:02:32you can
01:02:32you can
01:02:33for
01:02:34offensive
01:02:35to
01:02:35you
01:02:36know
01:02:37you
01:02:37you
01:02:38know
01:02:41and
01:02:41I
01:02:42and
01:02:44I
01:02:45I
01:02:46Oh, girl.
01:03:09Oh, girl.
01:03:10Oh, girl.
01:03:14Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:47Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:33The small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:16I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:18I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:21Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:53With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:56Told you.
01:05:57Who are they playing?
01:06:04Huddersfield Town.
01:06:06In the cot.
01:06:08I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:10The...
01:06:11The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:12Shows you.
01:06:13Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:27Drawn five.
01:06:29So, what do you think?
01:06:30I think I nearly love you.
01:06:34What do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:36What do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41Never mind.
01:06:42It's only a game.
01:06:43I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:06:44I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:06:45No!
01:07:02Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:14I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:20I may be wrong.
01:07:21Grace who?
01:07:22We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:25Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am, love.
01:07:30And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:36even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:41And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:49I see.
01:07:51Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:55Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:57Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:00Do what?
01:08:01What you just said.
01:08:02Good.
01:08:03Not too much, I hope.
01:08:04Oh, God.
01:08:05Boys are very funny.
01:08:06They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:07Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:21Oh.
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:23Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:27Fantastic.
01:08:28The Cowgills.
01:08:29Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:30Married couple.
01:08:31Newlyweds.
01:08:32Not long married.
01:08:33You go bald doing that.
01:08:34Doing what?
01:08:35Doing what?
01:08:36No.
01:08:37No.
01:08:38No.
01:08:39No.
01:08:40No.
01:08:41No.
01:08:42No.
01:08:43No.
01:08:44No.
01:08:45No.
01:08:46No.
01:08:47No.
01:08:48No.
01:08:49No.
01:09:00No.
01:09:01No.
01:09:02I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:07Living in sin.
01:09:08Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:15marriage in it if I said to you do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten
01:09:24Rocky Marciano would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married
01:09:28I don't think so Beryl would giving you a bad time is she oh I wouldn't say that
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically I never said you
01:09:53were you think it all right Jeffrey I hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never well until I am if I ever do which I fervently hope I never will
01:10:23for someone who's not uttering something when's your old pee coming out
01:10:27no two people have a divine right to happiness Jeffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:44what are you staring at hello you all right son terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding
01:11:00at the cat then your mother's theory is you're overworking
01:11:03my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird oh what's your theory indigestion oh
01:11:12what's yours Sundance hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if
01:11:22God had meant sardines to be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right
01:11:25the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side willing to compromise we still have deadlock
01:11:34her majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma
01:11:39another wild night learning what I know spells and how many of us school pals are getting married
01:11:44and what I know spells and what I know spells great I might as well go bald and open my own
01:11:51monastery and so society that you and me says end this dispute end it now good night area good one day
01:12:03terrific especially when he said good night we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time just having
01:12:13fun be happy take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in
01:12:21the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all you're sure this has nothing to do with a
01:12:28boyfriend absolutely positive that was the first film we ever saw together make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look Beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in Denmark then we'll both be happy right right good Jesus Christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell pounds up again see you tomorrow do you think you're going
01:13:11Jeffrey I'll get the sack it's important
01:13:19what is
01:13:22I keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:29to be on our own
01:13:31what
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:35what
01:13:37had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:45the only bit I can remember is and that's what I think
01:13:50last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56Grace who
01:13:57she was playing for United as well weird isn't it
01:14:01the main thing is
01:14:10we do communicate
01:14:13oh we do
01:14:15see what I think
01:14:25go on
01:14:27no you mine wasn't important
01:14:28her mum wasn't
01:14:30her mum wasn't
01:14:32Beryl
01:14:42are you
01:14:46happy
01:14:48happy
01:14:49of course
01:14:50very
01:14:51I am
01:14:54no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:14:58no
01:15:01I'm not
01:15:04do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:10probably
01:15:17not actually said the words often
01:15:19well not in so many words
01:15:21mostly in words to that effect
01:15:23is there anything you don't love about me
01:15:40no
01:15:41no
01:15:42I don't think so
01:15:43honestly no
01:15:44nothing
01:15:45if there is
01:15:46there isn't
01:15:47you just tell me and I'll stop doing it
01:15:48there isn't anything
01:15:49honest
01:15:50good
01:15:51it wouldn't upset me it'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:15:57like
01:16:04you know
01:16:05crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:08well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks Beryl
01:16:12if I did I'd stop to please you
01:16:19see
01:16:25there's no need to be sensitive Jeffrey
01:16:27in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:32your mother
01:16:33pardon
01:16:34I like your mother
01:16:35please don't sulk Jeffrey
01:16:36handle lampshades
01:16:37sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:40well you ought to know you've almost made it an art form
01:16:44anything else at random
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:48after all I'm no Bridgette Bardot
01:16:50according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby
01:17:00ask any opinion poll
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start
01:17:03you're not all that fat Beryl
01:17:05I am
01:17:06start slimming
01:17:07men like something to get hold of
01:17:08if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:10you always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end don't you always
01:17:14no I don't Beryl you do I always fail
01:17:17do you know what some girls find extremely likeable
01:17:19the extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:23boys like it when girls tell them what N O spells
01:17:26especially for the 600th time that they really dig
01:17:29you never say dig
01:17:31I did then
01:17:32your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about that's really lovable
01:17:38I never knew you thought that
01:17:41neither did I
01:17:43do now though
01:17:44do now though
01:17:53used to say dig before I met you
01:17:59used to say all sorts of things
01:18:05there's a lot about me I can't even remember
01:18:07remember
01:18:29thinking what I'm thinking
01:18:30think so
01:18:33think so
01:18:35we just don't like each other
01:18:38at all
01:18:51oh goodbye then
01:18:53good luck
01:18:55peace ma'am
01:19:00St Anne's Square
01:19:01St Anne's Square please
01:19:13so that just leaves a cot
01:19:15two matinee coats
01:19:17two romper suits
01:19:18and what else do I need
01:19:22oh yes a ring
01:19:24teething ring
01:19:26wedding ring
01:19:27of course
01:19:29oh they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:32no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:35oh sorry
01:19:37what about
01:19:38skip it
01:19:40about time too
01:19:42with her sympathy
01:19:43not that I need any actually
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life
01:19:45but she doesn't know that
01:19:48if I'm looking miserable Sandra
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you
01:19:53yeah
01:19:57we know what you must be thinking
01:19:59of course we do
01:20:01how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:04Ace
01:20:07she used to wear pink you know
01:20:09I won't tell you where
01:20:11she used to wear pink you know
01:20:13I won't tell you where
01:20:18a hell of a lot more where hers came from
01:20:20wow
01:20:25did you want the chalk Geoffrey?
01:20:26no
01:20:27no
01:20:28no
01:20:30super day for it
01:20:32hmm
01:20:34sin being inside a day like this
01:20:36well Sandra
01:20:38this is it
01:20:40yep
01:20:42the big day
01:20:43yep
01:20:44coming to the crutch
01:20:46crunch
01:20:47I dare say
01:20:48it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest
01:20:49seeing him again
01:20:51you mustn't think I'll be crying inside
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more
01:20:56no one will know that I am
01:20:58because I shan't
01:21:00truly
01:21:02Sandra please
01:21:04you've enough to think of
01:21:08it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:10and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:18do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:21fine
01:21:23this is fine enough
01:21:24here
01:21:25about there lovely
01:21:27you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:29wow official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:33ow
01:21:35oh sorry
01:21:36that's right
01:21:37hold it
01:21:39lovely
01:21:40thank you
01:21:41right now a nice family group of the parents please
01:21:44funny
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met
01:21:48how have you been?
01:21:51absolutely great
01:21:53you?
01:21:54never better
01:21:55ever
01:21:57it's all over now
01:21:59bar the salmon salad
01:22:02it's tuna fish
01:22:04it's life
01:22:06good
01:22:07good
01:22:09good
01:22:11good
01:22:13see you president Nixon went to China then
01:22:16that was before we ever met
01:22:18why has something happened about it?
01:22:21no
01:22:22could I trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:25speaking personally I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:32Nixon
01:22:33Nixon
01:22:34why is he going?
01:22:36no
01:22:38the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:41it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:46we never really talked did we? about things that matter
01:22:50good isn't it?
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:53now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:58we've really grown up haven't we?
01:23:03my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12aww
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary
01:23:16I hope not
01:23:17it's marvellous
01:23:18good
01:23:20I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:22thank you love
01:23:23still off the food I noticed
01:23:29and we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:35fantastic
01:23:36for example
01:23:37say I finally did marry someone like you
01:23:39only someone I love
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44in bed a bit
01:23:51and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:55and marry her three days later
01:23:59we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:06I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:08where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:11well
01:24:14we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:18아�
01:24:40Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:05Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:35Hi. When's the kick off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for? I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now then? Don't know.
01:26:05Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty? Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends. Oh I meant just as friends. Yeah I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:45You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:51Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:55Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:07We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:10Anyone really.
01:27:20There's millions to choose from.
01:27:21All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:22You'll find someone Geoffrey.
01:27:23You will Beryl.
01:27:24Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:25Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:26Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:27Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:28Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:33Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:34Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:38Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:39Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:42I'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:22And you'll find sometimes, love and rainy weather can turn out fine.
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun when the crying's dark.
01:28:48Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:28:58Love and rainy weather.
01:29:00Love and rainy weather.
01:29:05When the crying's dark.
01:29:12Love and rainy weather.
01:29:14Love and rainy weather.
01:29:16Love and rainy weather.
01:29:18Love and rainy weather.
01:29:20Love and rainy weather.
01:29:22Love and rainy weather.
01:29:24Love and rainy weather.
01:29:26Love and rainy weather.
01:29:30Love and rainy weather.
01:29:32Love and rainy weather.
01:29:34Love and rainy weather.
01:29:36Love and rainy weather.
01:29:38Love and rainy weather.
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