- 5 months ago
Category
š„
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:29Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:49Thanks.
00:02:50Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:10I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:52Every single time.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:13It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:30Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I've never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41It's a good night.
00:08:45Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There's almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:17no i don't tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo it does not i thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:11:02miss bardo
00:11:06marry me
00:11:06you know what they say once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:29about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:36did you have a good time last night great did you
00:11:39satisfied i stayed in for a change did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offense
00:11:55not that i have done played him for a change instead
00:12:06is
00:12:17is
00:12:18ticket i ain't got my ticket we're late already see you behind the goal then
00:12:24Mary!
00:12:26Mary!
00:12:28Mary!
00:12:30Mary!
00:12:32Mary!
00:12:34Mary!
00:12:36Mary!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:48Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:37Are you going that?
00:13:39Yeah.
00:13:40Well, um...
00:13:41No.
00:13:42I was...
00:13:43I sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:50I am.
00:13:51Which?
00:13:52Which are you?
00:13:53Any.
00:13:54I am.
00:13:55See you then.
00:13:56Tonight?
00:13:57Pardon?
00:13:58Oh, I...
00:13:59All right then.
00:14:00Right.
00:14:01Super socks.
00:14:03Did you see that?
00:14:04They're all on drugs.
00:14:05A lot of them.
00:14:06Oh, I am.
00:14:07I am.
00:14:08See you then.
00:14:09Tonight?
00:14:10Pardon?
00:14:11Oh, I...
00:14:12All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:14I am.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:46Losing.
00:14:473-1.
00:15:14Excuse me, I...
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:29Hello, mate.
00:15:31Oh, um...
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:33Surprise, surprise.
00:15:34Surprise.
00:15:35Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:37Pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:39She's slim.
00:15:40I'm just going to the, er...
00:15:41Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:43Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:52Oh.
00:16:02What do you, er...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:07Fair sort of bird.
00:16:09I'm sorry, sir.
00:16:10She's all right.
00:16:12I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:13Geoffrey.
00:16:14She's a bird.
00:16:15You having a coffee with us?
00:16:16No thanks, kid.
00:16:17Neville's ravenous.
00:16:18You've just eaten.
00:16:19Oh, of course.
00:16:20Yeah.
00:16:21Sorry.
00:16:22You see.
00:16:23What I think was all this trying to do...
00:16:24By implication.
00:16:25Probably by implication.
00:16:26Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:27You see.
00:16:28Yes.
00:16:29Was he the errand boy?
00:16:30Was he the errand boy?
00:16:31Was he the errand boy?
00:16:32Ken Thingy.
00:16:33He directed it.
00:16:34Oh, yes.
00:16:35I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:36Probably.
00:16:37Andy Warhol.
00:16:38Probably.
00:16:39Probably.
00:16:40You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:41You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:42Are you?
00:16:43What do you think?
00:16:44Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:45It's over two weeks.
00:16:46I think we're going to be able to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:47You see.
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:49Was he the errand boy?
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Ken Thingy.
00:16:53He directed it.
00:16:54Oh, yes.
00:16:55I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:57Probably.
00:16:58You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema, and you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and, pal, they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:42No.
00:17:47Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:53Not marriage.
00:17:54No.
00:17:55Sex.
00:17:56Percy Phil?
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:58That's what I said.
00:17:59Oh.
00:18:00Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:01Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:02No.
00:18:03No.
00:18:04No.
00:18:05No.
00:18:06Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:07Ken Russell?
00:18:08Yeah.
00:18:09No.
00:18:10No.
00:18:11No.
00:18:12Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:13Ken Russell?
00:18:14Yeah.
00:18:15No.
00:18:16No.
00:18:17No.
00:18:18This is it.
00:18:19No.
00:18:20No.
00:18:21No.
00:18:22No.
00:18:23No.
00:18:24No.
00:18:25No.
00:18:26No.
00:18:27No.
00:18:28I won't come in with it being our first date.
00:18:29No.
00:18:30Oh.
00:18:31Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:33No.
00:18:34No.
00:18:35No.
00:18:36No.
00:18:37No.
00:18:38No.
00:18:39No.
00:18:40No.
00:18:41No.
00:18:42No.
00:18:43No.
00:18:44No.
00:18:45No.
00:18:46No.
00:18:47No.
00:18:48No.
00:18:49No.
00:18:50No.
00:18:51No.
00:18:52No.
00:18:53No.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56No.
00:18:57No.
00:18:58No.
00:18:59No, Jeaffrey.
00:19:00Ah.
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:02Ah.
00:19:11Good.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1525 year mortgage.
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:23It's funny, isn't it?
00:19:26Absolutely.
00:19:27It's funny, isn't it? First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing...
00:19:37or something...
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:19:57I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No. But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to? Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:57Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:48No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:27Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58They've got a phone here.
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:37Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:02Good morning.
00:24:11Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody Traveller's Jacks.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday?
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:32why don't we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:25:02my timing not disturbing your singing i hope see jeffrey on sunday
00:25:22oh jeffrey that neville's the greatest
00:25:26is he dishy or is he dishy
00:25:32i'm considering packing jeffrey in one date was enough why he's cancer and i'm libra is that bad
00:25:46hopeless actually i'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:25:56five five which is which is three and two is five which is two less than seven
00:26:09which is
00:26:13i see the spanish police are throwing your lot out of ibiza
00:26:17bank clocks your lot football supporters hippies
00:26:22oh my lot
00:26:40that's it then fate all over by 7 23 precisely
00:26:45so what plenty more where she came from
00:26:55is that the speaking clock is that jeffrey is that beryl yes yes hi hi
00:27:15it's terrifically exciting isn't it getting to know a person fantastic
00:27:32i want to know all about you that's what it's all about
00:27:36for example with things in common already definitely
00:27:45like what
00:27:49we're enormously fond of animals right and we're both from manchester
00:27:56have you ever been abroad no have you ever been abroad no have you no unless you count istanbul
00:28:09is that was it beyond belief i don't know i was only three
00:28:13do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:22sometimes i do
00:28:26what now
00:28:29no just just sometimes
00:28:32yes yes i do
00:28:39such a lot isn't there in getting to know a person
00:28:49he was live and easy-limbed his stride quietly casual his eyes clear and confident and his strong
00:28:58mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured lopsided grin
00:29:07you know jeffrey you have a really lopsided grin
00:29:11really you know lopsided
00:29:15i don't think i have it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:18see
00:29:23jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:27he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:30it must be marvelous being a man
00:29:34it's okay i suppose men can do anything conquer everest do heart transplants become leader of the
00:29:41opposition
00:29:44anything
00:29:53jeffrey no spells no
00:29:56it's good for your circulation beryl read any women's magazine
00:30:00it's good for theirs too
00:30:01i'm not sure they recommend percy filth on tuesdays
00:30:05i only see you on tuesdays and saturdays all saturdays
00:30:10beryl
00:30:15beryl
00:30:16oh jeffrey bobbles bumble
00:30:18oh beryl
00:30:19oh jeffrey
00:30:21oh beryl
00:30:23are you all right what exactly happened don't tell me
00:30:26i just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony
00:30:28pardon
00:30:35come back they're better it's better i'm okay
00:30:41i told you it's going to pause it's not
00:30:52it's only the angels crying
00:30:55i know how they feel
00:30:58well don't blame me i haven't done anything
00:31:00that's true
00:31:01that's not true beryl i have apologized
00:31:06i keep going down on my knees when i'm talking to you
00:31:08independent observers think i'm training to be a cossack dancer
00:31:12it must be a bad line i can't hear you you'd better apologize again
00:31:18i apologize again
00:31:20gosh this lousy line
00:31:23i wonder if jeffrey would like to come to tea on sunday
00:31:26don't blame me
00:31:28pardon
00:31:30pardon
00:31:32is that who i think it is
00:31:34no dear
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47Can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Mine goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:17No, I said nearly.
00:34:23You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:42There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thund me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:26Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:04I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05I don't know how you do it.
00:37:06I don't know how you do it.
00:37:07I don't know how you do it.
00:37:08I don't know how you do it.
00:37:09I don't know how you do it.
00:37:10I don't know how you do it.
00:37:11I don't know how you do it.
00:37:12I don't know how you do it.
00:37:13I don't know how you do it.
00:37:14I don't know how you do it.
00:37:15I don't know how you do it.
00:37:16John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents. Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she tell you all?
00:38:51Daryl?
00:38:52Yeah.
00:38:53I haven't really looked.
00:38:54Seen one.
00:38:55You've seen them all.
00:38:56Not quite all.
00:38:57I'll go and get me coat.
00:38:58Must be my birthday.
00:38:59Must be my birthday.
00:39:00Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:01Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:02I've seen them all.
00:39:03I've seen them all.
00:39:04I've seen them all.
00:39:05I haven't really looked.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:07I've seen them all.
00:39:09I've seen them all.
00:39:10I haven't really looked.
00:39:11Seen them one.
00:39:12I haven't seen them all.
00:39:13I've seen them all.
00:39:14I haven't seen them all.
00:39:15Not quite all.
00:39:16I go and get me coat.
00:39:23What do you think?
00:39:24boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl I do wish you'd find one
00:39:33they aren't all after Percy Phil's yes they are mmm oh you were terrific
00:39:45mmm terrific self-control Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and
00:39:55happy life or am I thinking of someone else mother I don't happen to be
00:40:00interested in boys I happen to be interested in having early nights and
00:40:04writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen it's run out of ink I used it for me
00:40:08laundry list my god your generation's got a few things to answer for please
00:40:18you can't ravish a girl on your own doorstep well let's go inside then smooth
00:40:27talking bastard
00:40:30it is me birthday what about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare
00:40:39Crescent I don't believe that question you used to be crazy about him I was 11
00:40:46years old he used to let me chalk on his tortoise
00:41:00what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27mm-hmm. God that turns me on when I first met in the street I thought just a
00:41:41quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of conversation and dead
00:41:45mm-hmm don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:57I'll go.
00:42:19Testing, testing.
00:42:21Geoffrey Minliop returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:27I'm fed up.
00:42:45Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No.
00:42:54They just market.
00:42:56Anyone can market.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:27I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53There's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58They go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilizes with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p?
00:45:0050.
00:45:0250.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Good night.
00:45:24We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:25And how?
00:45:26We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:27And how?
00:45:28You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:30Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:31Good night.
00:45:32Good night.
00:45:33Good night.
00:45:34Good night.
00:45:35Good night.
00:45:36Good night.
00:45:37Yes.
00:45:38Yes.
00:45:39Yes.
00:45:40Yes.
00:45:41Good night.
00:45:42Good night.
00:45:43Good night.
00:45:44Good night.
00:45:45Good night.
00:45:46Good night.
00:45:47Good night.
00:45:48Good night.
00:45:49Good night.
00:45:50Good night.
00:45:51Good night.
00:45:53Good night.
00:45:54Good night.
00:45:55Good night.
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh!
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you knew you there all.
00:48:01And that's it.
00:48:02Yes, sir.
00:48:04Sounds good.
00:48:06You've changed.
00:48:07But you have to know, people.
00:48:10Oh, you have to know.
00:48:12I can't wait.
00:48:13MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:42You know what I mean? What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey. It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:53He only had one ambition in life. Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi. Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again, Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put on an axe.
00:51:44What do you care?
00:51:45I don't have a baby.
00:51:46Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:49Probably.
00:51:50Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:51Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:52It is.
00:51:53What is?
00:51:54Working in a bank.
00:51:55Oh.
00:51:56Working in a bank.
00:51:57Oh.
00:51:58Hi.
00:51:59Hi.
00:52:00The Handler.
00:52:01The Handler.
00:52:02The Handler.
00:52:03The Handler.
00:52:04Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:08Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:09What is?
00:52:10Working in a bank.
00:52:11Oh.
00:52:12Oh.
00:52:13I had this bad scene.
00:52:15This chick.
00:52:16And decided to split.
00:52:17So I cut out, man.
00:52:19Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:30This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:34I've got him now, Mr FĆ¼rth.
00:52:37You've never heard of man.
00:52:38This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:01Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Pardon?
00:53:45If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:50A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:04But I've seen the film.
00:54:06You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions, ask the answers.
00:54:20You are a poet.
00:54:23To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:51You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:53Let's get this...
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:56Let's get it clear.
00:54:58Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville.
00:55:00Okay?
00:55:01Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate, a dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage, and a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:56Balls!
00:55:58Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong! I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Wow, man!
00:56:19Sorry!
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee!
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:38Oh, wow.
00:56:40We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48Oh.
00:56:49We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:51You see, what we...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:56You see...
00:56:57I can see there's only one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right.
00:57:13That's it.
00:57:14Finished.
00:57:15The end.
00:57:16Full stop.
00:57:17We've finally split up.
00:57:18Neville.
00:57:19Sandra wants you.
00:57:20I should imagine.
00:57:21Sad, isn't it?
00:57:22Pathetic.
00:57:23Pathetic.
00:57:24Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:26It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:27I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:29A perfect girl.
00:57:30Red hair.
00:57:31Not too skinny.
00:57:32Very gentle and shy.
00:57:34Passionate when roused.
00:57:36I know.
00:57:37No.
00:57:38The end.
00:57:39I know.
00:57:40I know.
00:57:41I know.
00:57:42I know.
00:57:43I know.
00:57:44It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:45I once thought I'd found her a perfect girl, red hair, not too skinny, very gentle and shy,
00:58:00passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Reverend.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:42I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:45Oh, sorry.
00:58:47Do you know...
00:58:48What, Beryl?
00:58:49She can ask me anything.
00:58:51Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:55He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:56Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:58Usually.
00:59:00I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:01You'll be all right.
00:59:02Honest.
00:59:03She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:04Who?
00:59:05I don't know where Geoffrey's got to.
00:59:07I don't know where Geoffrey's got to.
00:59:09He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:14Geoffrey.
00:59:15Geoffrey.
00:59:16Oh, I don't know where Geoffrey's got to.
00:59:17I don't know where Geoffrey's got to.
00:59:18There it is.
00:59:19I don't know where Geoffrey's got to.
00:59:20Is it true?
00:59:21Is it true?
00:59:22Is it true?
00:59:23Is it true that Geoffrey's got to be a voice?
00:59:24There you're not putting any trouble, but I think I'm dying?
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:28Who?
00:59:29She said...
00:59:30Geoffrey.
00:59:35Geoffrey.
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:41Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey. Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:11Oh, call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then? Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:36It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:48I am.
01:01:50For good.
01:01:52Me too.
01:01:54And me.
01:02:05Good morning.
01:02:06Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18Well, come on.
01:02:20I'm so sorry.
01:02:28Let's go.
01:02:58Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl. Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:31Oh, Beryl.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir? Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:53I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:57Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in, tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:28Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:58Probably this one. Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, Meryl?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:51I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:06:56I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:53Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:23Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29The cowgills.
01:08:30The cowgills.
01:08:31Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:33Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:34Married couple.
01:08:35Newlyweds.
01:08:36Newlyweds.
01:08:37Not long married.
01:08:38You go bald doing that.
01:08:39Doing what?
01:08:40Doing what?
01:08:41I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:08:45Living in sin.
01:08:46Can you say one single sentence?
01:08:47Newlyweds.
01:08:48Newlyweds.
01:08:49Not long married.
01:08:50You go bald doing that.
01:08:52Doing what?
01:08:55Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains?
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it if I said to you
01:09:22do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano would you say
01:09:26what's it matter so long as they're happily married I don't think so
01:09:31Beryl would giving you a bad time is she oh I wouldn't say that I haven't even
01:09:44mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a
01:09:49relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's
01:09:52automatically I never said you were you think it
01:10:09all right Jeffrey I hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:15marriage never well until I am if I ever do which I
01:10:22fervently hope I never will someone who's not uttering something when's your
01:10:26LP coming out
01:10:30no two people have a divine right to happiness Jeffrey you mustn't feel guilty
01:10:35about me sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:44you staring at well you all right son terrific why did you throw your
01:10:59sponge pudding at the cat then your mother's theory is you're overworking my
01:11:05theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird oh what's your theory indigestion
01:11:11oh what's your sundance
01:11:15hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if God had meant
01:11:22sardines to be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right
01:11:25the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side willing to compromise we still have deadlock
01:11:34her majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma
01:11:39another wild night learning what I know spells and how many of us school pals are getting married
01:11:44and what I know spells and what I know spells great I might as well go bald and open me own
01:11:51monastery and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now
01:11:59good night here good one day terrific especially when he said good night we're just enjoying
01:12:09ourselves having a good time just having fun being happy take two a day after meals and one if you find
01:12:20yourself crying hard out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:23you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:35make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look Beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in Denmark then we'll both be happy right right good Jesus Christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell pounds up again see you tomorrow do you think you're going
01:13:11Jeffrey I'll get the sack it's important
01:13:19what is
01:13:22I keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:29to be on our own
01:13:31what
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:36what
01:13:37that old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:45the only bit I can remember is and that's what I think
01:13:50last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56Grace who
01:13:57she was playing for United as well weird isn't it
01:14:01the main thing is
01:14:10we do communicate
01:14:13oh we do
01:14:15see what
01:14:24see what
01:14:25go on
01:14:27no you mine wasn't important
01:14:28no mine wasn't
01:14:31Beryl
01:14:42do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:14:45are you happy
01:14:48of course
01:14:49very
01:14:51I am
01:14:54no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:14:58no
01:15:01I'm not
01:15:04do you think
01:15:08do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:10do you think
01:15:12probably
01:15:17not actually said the words often
01:15:19well not in so many words
01:15:22mostly in words to that effect
01:15:24is there anything you don't love about me
01:15:40no I don't think so
01:15:43honestly no
01:15:44nothing
01:15:46if there is
01:15:47there isn't
01:15:47you just tell me and I'll stop doing it
01:15:49there isn't anything
01:15:49honest
01:15:50good
01:15:51it wouldn't upset me
01:15:55it'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:15:58like
01:16:04you know
01:16:05crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:08well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks Beryl
01:16:13if I did I'd stop
01:16:14to please you
01:16:15I see
01:16:20there's no need to be sensitive Geoffrey
01:16:27in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:31your mother
01:16:33pardon
01:16:34I like your mother
01:16:35please don't sulk Geoffrey
01:16:37handle lampshades
01:16:37sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:40well you ought to know
01:16:43you've almost made it an art form
01:16:45anything else at random
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:48after all I'm no Bridget Bardot
01:16:50according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby
01:17:00ask any opinion poll
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start
01:17:03you're not all that fat Beryl
01:17:05I am
01:17:05start slimming
01:17:07men like something to get hold of
01:17:08if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:10you always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end don't you
01:17:14always
01:17:14no I don't Beryl
01:17:16you do I always fail
01:17:17do you know what some girls find extremely likeable
01:17:20the extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:23boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells
01:17:26especially for the 600th time
01:17:28that they really dig
01:17:29you never say dig
01:17:31I did then
01:17:32your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about
01:17:37that's really lovable
01:17:38I never knew you thought that
01:17:41neither did I
01:17:43do now though
01:17:45used to say dig before I met you
01:17:55used to say all sorts of things
01:18:01there's a lot about me I can't even remember
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking
01:18:30I think so
01:18:34we just don't like each other
01:18:37at all
01:18:39oh goodbye then
01:18:52good luck
01:18:54peace ma'am
01:18:56St Anne's Square
01:19:01St Anne's Square please
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot
01:19:15two matinee coats
01:19:16two romper suits
01:19:18and what else do I need
01:19:21oh yes a ring
01:19:23teething ring
01:19:25wedding ring
01:19:27of course
01:19:27oh they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:31no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:34oh sorry
01:19:36what about
01:19:38skip it
01:19:39about time too
01:19:41with her sympathy
01:19:42not that I need any actually
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life
01:19:46but she doesn't know that
01:19:48if I'm looking miserable Sandra
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you
01:19:53yeah
01:19:54we know what you must be thinking
01:19:59of course we do
01:20:00how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:03ace
01:20:09she used to wear pink you know
01:20:12I won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from
01:20:19wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk Jeffrey
01:20:26I know spells no
01:20:28super day for it
01:20:31hmm
01:20:33sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35well Sandra
01:20:37this is it
01:20:39yep
01:20:40the big day
01:20:41yep
01:20:42coming to the crutch
01:20:44crunch
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest
01:20:49seeing him again
01:20:49you mustn't think I'll be crying inside
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more no one will know that I am
01:20:57because I shan't
01:20:59truly
01:21:00Sandra please
01:21:03you've enough to think of
01:21:04it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:10and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:18do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:20fine
01:21:22this is fine enough
01:21:23here
01:21:23about there
01:21:24lovely
01:21:24lovely you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:27wow
01:21:28official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:30ow
01:21:33oh sorry
01:21:35that's right
01:21:36hold it
01:21:37lovely thank you
01:21:40funny
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met
01:21:47how have you been
01:21:49absolutely great
01:21:51you
01:21:52never better
01:21:54ever
01:21:54it's all over now
01:21:59bar the salmon salad
01:22:00it's tuna fish
01:22:03it's life
01:22:05sea president Nixon went to China then
01:22:14that was before we ever met
01:22:16I know
01:22:18why has something happened about it
01:22:20no
01:22:21no
01:22:22could I trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:24speaking personally I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:31Nixon
01:22:33why is he going
01:22:35no
01:22:37the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:40it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:49good isn't it
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:52now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:57we've really grown up haven't we
01:23:03my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12oh
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary
01:23:15I hope not
01:23:16it's marvellous
01:23:17good
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21thank you love
01:23:22still off the food I noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:34fantastic
01:23:36for example
01:23:37say I finally did marry someone like you
01:23:39only someone I love
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44in bed a bit
01:23:47and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in away case
01:24:07where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:09well we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16welcome to our Queers
01:24:21we'll see you next time
01:24:25we'll see you next time
01:24:26we'll see you next time
01:24:26we'll see you next time
01:24:28Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:58He, uh, he won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Ah, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:28Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49Oh, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:28I wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking two favourites,
01:27:57whether it be in shape or not,
01:27:58although it's gone out.
01:28:01Defaith we'll be in shape or not!
01:28:04izar!
01:28:08Liverpool, PAiani6!
01:28:10Bour cabeƧa!
01:28:12Brown pyro!
01:28:14Oh, please.
01:28:16You'll expect more than
01:28:18And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's done
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's done
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Amen.
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