- 2 days ago
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00:00Jack's home today, so he can look after her.
00:02Well, didn't he go to school today?
00:03No, I couldn't get him up, was he? He didn't get to bed for a quarter to two, so...
00:20Jack?
00:21Oh, no. Go to school. Right now.
00:24Okay. Go to school.
00:27You're not so bad to Kelly.
00:30I woke up this morning and will a girl back out my time.
00:35But I woke up this morning and burned myself alive.
00:43What the fuck is that?
00:52Jack?
00:55Can you get this fucking television to work?
00:58I'm a very simple man. You've got to have, like, computer knowledge to turn the fucking TV on and off.
01:05Jack!
01:07Fucking thing. Why can't I go and get a normal fucking TV, man?
01:11I press this one button and the shower starts up going, what is this? Where am I, man?
01:17It's fucking spice, that shit.
01:19And the nightmare continues. Nightmare in Beverly Hills.
01:22Click satellite.
01:23Yeah. And?
01:24Yeah. And?
01:28Sure. Come on.
01:30With all these buttons to give you a fucking blowjob as well, let's come on the television.
01:34Press blowjob.
01:39Sick fuck.
01:40The royalties are going to hit you.
01:43Mmm, yes, I think they're nice. Good luck.
01:47To win.
01:49Lightening fast fighters to shoot down enemy planes.
01:53Deadly bombers to flatten German and Japanese warplanes.
01:57The balls fly over here all the time, don't they?
02:00You know how long it was to do?
02:01Having a band rehearsal in my garden and see how they're like that.
02:04You know what I should go do?
02:05Should I go move my drum kit outside right now and just start playing it?
02:08If you will then.
02:12What'd you get?
02:13I think I will.
02:14That's about time we had a family feud down here.
02:16Yeah.
02:20Go for it, Jack.
02:22Go for it, son.
02:46Jack!
02:47Fuck the stage, man.
02:48John.
02:49Why don't you probably fit on my gun?
02:50Jack, I found a bayonet, Jack.
02:52I found a bayonet.
02:53Where did I fit on my gun?
02:54Oh, let me see him.
02:55Look.
02:56I don't know.
02:58Why don't you probably fit on my gun?
03:01Jack, well, I found a bayonet, Jack.
03:04I found a bayonet, and where did I fit on my gun?
03:06Oh, let me see him.
03:11What's that?
03:14What are you doing?
03:16The guy found a bayonet.
03:17Where?
03:18I don't know.
03:20That's so fucking violent.
03:22That's so fucking violent.
03:24Shut up.
03:26I need to be back here by 9.30.
03:32I did it.
03:34Why don't you just do the fucking right thing, son?
03:36It's a man that can apologize.
03:38It's a whim that can't.
03:40Melinda's a bitch.
03:42I can't apologize with a straight face.
03:44Darling, whether you like her or whether you don't,
03:46she spent a lot of night's sleep worrying her fucking self to death
03:48whether you were gonna come home being mugged, stabbed, shot,
03:50or fucking arrested.
03:51Just swallow your pride and say, I'm sorry.
03:53It's no big fucking deal.
03:55She's not gonna get on the roof with a loud huddle and go,
03:58ladies and gentlemen, Jack Osborne has just apologized.
04:01I don't know how to, like,
04:03I'm really sorry for emotionally hurting you,
04:05verbally abusing you.
04:07Like, I don't know all that mushy shit.
04:09You know, I'm paying a lot of money for your schooling.
04:11You're fucking out around at 2 or 4 o'clock.
04:14That ain't good enough for me, Jack, you know?
04:16It's all fun and no...
04:18all games and fun and no work.
04:22You gotta get a certain amount of work.
04:24And I'll be fine.
04:25I'll be back with you guys.
04:26I'm sorry I'll be back with you.
04:27It's all fun and no work.
04:28We'll be back with you guys.
04:29I'm sorry.
04:30You have to get a certain amount of work.
04:31I'm sorry.
04:32You've been to the rest of this world.
04:33I'm sorry.
04:34I'm not a grown-up with you guys.
04:35You're otra-day, you're a grown-up,
04:37you're a grown-up,
04:42so
04:56Dad, are you nervous?
05:10Nervous?
05:11Yeah.
05:12Are you?
05:13Yeah.
05:14Why?
05:15Because it's live.
05:17Eight million people are watching.
05:20Let's go.
05:21Let's go, Kelly.
05:22It's like a million dollars.
05:26Kelly, that was excellent.
05:35You done.
05:36Well done, my dear.
05:37I almost cried.
05:38I did too.
05:39I had a lump in my throat.
05:40I was holding it back.
05:41Why did he cry, Kel?
05:44Because it was very emotional.
05:47What are those?
05:49Oh, I'm seeing that.
05:51That did really, really good.
05:55Great.
05:56I love you.
05:57Who said?
05:58You be careful, young man.
05:59Oh, no.
06:00Hold on.
06:01It's a bad way.
06:02No, hold on.
06:03We've had the party.
06:04No, don't go and slam your fingers in the door.
06:06No, no, no.
06:07Come on.
06:08Go back to Mummy.
06:09I can see what's going to happen.
06:11You've got to slam your little fingers.
06:13No, no, no.
06:14This is a dangerous weapon when you're sticking it in somebody's eye.
06:23Come on.
06:24Go back to Mummy.
06:25She's giving me.
06:26I'll come and take this.
06:27Oh, fuck, you know.
06:28I've got to go back to Mummy.
06:29She's giving me.
06:30I'll come and take this.
06:31Oh, fuck, you know.
06:32I've got to get out of there.
06:33I'll end up having a nervous brainer.
06:35Fuck, where'd they get the energy from?
06:37Christ almighty.
06:38I'll end up having a nervous brainer.
06:48Fuck, where'd they get the energy from?
06:50Christ almighty.
06:51I'm here, God.
06:53I'm here, God.
06:58I'm here, God.
06:59I'm here, God.
07:01Come on, James.
07:03It's the coolest thing I've ever seen.
07:06I got you!
07:09Prison training coming back.
07:13For what?
07:14Fitting potatoes.
07:15Did you have to really do that when you were in jail?
07:17Yes, I made bread.
07:18Who went to jail?
07:19Dad.
07:20What for?
07:21Stealing.
07:22How old was he?
07:2432.
07:25Oh, okay.
07:26And you went to jail trying to kill Mum?
07:28No, and I didn't know I was trying to kill your Mum.
07:31I was arrested and I held in remand for trying to kill my mum.
07:35I didn't believe you.
07:36Pause!
07:37They're free!
07:38I didn't believe you.
07:39Pause!
07:40Woah!
07:41Aussie!
07:42Check with him!
07:43I didn't believe you.
07:44I didn't believe you.
07:45Aussie!
07:46Aussie!
07:47Aussie!
07:48Aussie!
07:49No!
07:50No!
07:51I didn't believe you!
07:52No!
07:53No!
07:54No!
07:55No!
07:56No, no!
07:57Here's the proof!
07:58No, no, no, here's, here's the proof!
08:01Ozzy, not Wood!
08:03You could be done for manslaughter!
08:07He's going to the side of the house!
08:11Ozzy!
08:14Turn over to the window.
08:16Right up, right up, right up.
08:28Stop it!
08:37Don't scream, please don't scream.
08:40Is it behind the mirror?
08:42Yeah, it's on top.
08:43But look, Dad, please don't push the mirror.
08:45Look at it, look at the mirror.
08:47No, no, just calm fucking down, man.
08:53Oh, Daddy, please!
08:55Where the fuck am I going to get here?
08:57Are you going to come up behind the mirror?
08:58No!
08:59We've got a tickling stick, that's an antique!
09:02You've got to be careful.
09:03It's my computer.
09:06Oh, is that my hand?
09:07Oh, no, no, it's my hand.
09:09No, no, it's a horrible idea.
09:13I don't like this at all.
09:16Dad, stop, Dad!
09:20He's smacking him in the head.
09:22Ozzy, Dad, stop it!
09:23It's an attack movement.
09:29Ozzy, no, stop it!
09:30Stop it!
09:31Stop it!
09:32Shut the fuck up!
09:33Get down, I beg you.
09:34Squeeze out of it.
09:35Squeeze out of it.
09:36I'll scare him.
09:39What am I squeezing a fucking dude for?
09:41Oh, it's going to fucking get you.
09:44It's going to kill you.
09:45Dad, please.
09:46It's ruthless.
09:47Hit it like this.
09:48Don't you dare.
09:49Oh, no.
09:50No!
09:51Oh, no!
09:52Oh, no!
09:53What's up?
09:54Oh!
09:55Oh!
09:56Oh!
09:57Oh!
09:58Oh!
09:59Oh!
10:00Oh!
10:01Oh!
10:02Oh!
10:03Oh!
10:04Oh!
10:05Oh!
10:06Oh!
10:07Oh!
10:08Oh!
10:09It's on the ground.
10:10Help me!
10:11It's on it.
10:12Where is it?
10:13Oh!
10:14Oh!
10:15Oh!
10:16Oh!
10:17Oh!
10:18Oh!
10:19Oh!
10:20Oh!
10:21Oh!
10:22Oh!
10:23Oh!
10:24Oh!
10:25Oh, God.
10:26Oh my God.
10:27Oh my God.
10:28Oh, God.
10:29It's coming out, so you're going to end up with fucking...
10:31I'm not pushing my hand in there.
10:32Don't put your hand in there.
10:33I'm not pushing my hand in there.
10:35Keep going with that labor, don't you?
10:37This is wood.
10:38It's inflammable, Ozzy.
10:39I'm going to set more fucking potty potty in there.
10:42It was like trying to tweezer the fire thing open.
10:47What is this shit, Shane?
10:48You burn the fucking fire.
10:50Lugs.
10:51Not lugs.
10:52Dual plane things.
10:55Oh, fuck.
10:56Ozzy.
10:57I think you better put on the fire, smoke it again.
11:02Look at my Buddha's not meant to smoke.
11:04I think we better call the fire brigade.
11:06Is there a fire thing here?
11:08No, I think we should call the fire brigade.
11:11We don't need the fire brigade.
11:12Because that's stupid and fucking dramatic.
11:15Doesn't water make it spread?
11:17Look at the black.
11:21How can you get rid of that?
11:22I never, ever light fire in the house.
11:27Ozzy, don't lean in like that, please.
11:30My legs are nearly on fire with these bastard candles there.
11:33What the fuck?
11:34You're returning to the site and what a bit of wires doing.
11:37I'm sorry.
11:39I wanted to be nice and we got back.
11:42You're going to burn the fucking place down.
11:45Why am I always the one that ends up cleaning the burnt shit?
11:50All right, blow them out.
11:53There's a shaving of a bone coming away and there's a gray line.
11:59I'm saying, yeah, I can't see a fucking thing coming.
12:01No, I can see the shavings there.
12:04Yes.
12:05What?
12:06Look at the sunshine off your ass.
12:09Right there, chef.
12:11Mm-hmm.
12:12And then there's a gray line.
12:13Put this fucking thing back.
12:15All right.
12:16Because of the bone that they say it is great.
12:17Do you want to see a break?
12:18I'll break it for you.
12:19Fuck off.
12:20Fuck off in a minute.
12:21Look, there it is.
12:22Good show.
12:29Fox bop.
12:30Pass it.
12:31Fox bop.
12:32One on one.
12:33Bop.
12:34Bop it.
12:35Spin it.
12:36Bop it.
12:37Bop it.
12:38Bop it.
12:39Bop it.
12:40Bop it.
12:41Bop it.
12:42Bop it.
12:43Bop it.
12:44Bop it.
12:45Bop it.
12:46Bop it.
12:47Bop it.
12:48Bop it.
12:49Bop it.
12:50Bop it.
12:51Bop it.
12:52Bop it.
12:53I don't like that.
12:55Kelly.
12:56Yes?
12:57Go and have children somewhere.
12:59Go and have what?
13:01Go and have babies.
13:03Bop off.
13:04Or a fucking bio monkey.
13:06Fuck off.
13:07Solo.
13:08Pull it.
13:09Bop it.
13:10Bop it.
13:11Bop it.
13:12Bop it.
13:13Bop it.
13:14Bop it.
13:15Bop it.
13:16Bop it.
13:17Bop it.
13:18Bop it.
13:19Bop it.
13:20Throw it at the wall.
13:21You're not really one to talk about, you know, something right now, so I'd shut up.
13:26That's not fair.
13:27You promised you wouldn't say anything.
13:28What happened?
13:29What happened?
13:30What happened?
13:31What happened?
13:32What did you do?
13:33I hope you have a...
13:34Oh, Kelly.
13:35If I show you, you can't kill me.
13:38I hope I show you what...
13:40You haven't even had a tattoo.
13:41Where?
13:42So ordinary, Kelly.
13:45I love it.
13:46We all got the same one.
13:47Let me see it, Kelly.
13:48Let me see it.
13:49Is this your number?
13:51No.
13:52And you're not saying anything.
13:53Dad has to.
13:54Let me see it again, Kelly.
13:55I can't...
13:56It's so ordinary, Kelly.
13:57I love it.
13:58I love it.
13:59What I'm going to do about a tattoo.
14:00You've got that there for the rest of your fucking life.
14:03See, I'll be like...
14:04I like it!
14:05Tell you, Kelly, if you get that infection...
14:07That one got infected with this one one time.
14:09And my fucking arm came up like a balloon.
14:11And my fingers in it, I couldn't move.
14:13It would break your mum's heart.
14:15Yeah, but you're not going to say anything.
14:17Dad, I have to.
14:18Dad!
14:19Please!
14:20Hold on.
14:21Kelly's got something to tell you.
14:22I can't.
14:23You tell.
14:24No, no, no, you.
14:25She's going to do the one.
14:26Tell her.
14:27Hello.
14:28I got a tattoo.
14:29You are joking.
14:30If you want any advice from me about tattoos, be somebody unique.
14:35Don't have a tattoo, because everybody and their friend has got tattoos.
14:39I like it.
14:40Who did it?
14:41I'm not telling you.
14:42Why?
14:43Because I know you're going to go down there and see them.
14:45No.
14:46My father went insane.
14:47Did you do it because you were angry?
14:48I know you are.
14:49No.
14:50No.
14:51That's why you did it, right?
14:52No, I wouldn't do it because I'm angry.
14:53I did it because I liked it.
14:54Me and my friends all got the same one.
14:55It's not all that bad.
14:56I thought she was going to show me a picture of a fucking eagle on her ass or something.
15:09You cannot go out with it!
15:11With what?
15:12That.
15:13It's not a leapfrog.
15:14It's a one-inch blade.
15:15You can't do that.
15:16You know what I'm talking about.
15:17No.
15:18Dad.
15:19It's a two-inch knife.
15:22What happened, Jack?
15:23No.
15:24Jordy gave me this little knife for Christmas and they fucking take it away.
15:41What happened?
15:42What happened?
15:43What happened?
15:44What happened?
15:45What happened?
15:46What happened?
15:47If you get busted, I'll fucking bust your ass, man.
15:50Okay.
15:51Don't go out with a fucking t-shirt with cocaine on your fucking t-shirt and a fucking...
15:58Give me the fucking knife.
16:01What the hell?
16:02What the hell?
16:03What the hell?
16:04He's got an army haircut.
16:05He's got cocaine on his chest and a fucking knife in his pocket.
16:09Police will look at him and arrest him.
16:12What's that fucking knife?
16:13What?
16:14Listen.
16:15What is it?
16:16What's that fucking knife?
16:17What?
16:18Listen.
16:19What is it?
16:20What's that fucking knife?
16:23What's that fucking knife?
16:25What?
16:26Listen.
16:27What is it?
16:28What?
16:29Listen.
16:30What is it?
16:45It's a haunted spit.
16:47How the fuck does it work, man?
16:50It's that heat in it.
16:51It just cooks it and spins.
16:53I think it needs a bit of oil, son.
16:57I think they've got one of the dogs in there.
17:00What is that white shit? Is that fat?
17:04It's smegma.
17:06It's a haunted fucking cook, eh?
17:10Jack?
17:12It's half eight.
17:14You don't have to leave it at nine.
17:17Are you coming for you?
17:18Yeah, I am.
17:20You've got a half an hour, Jack.
17:22OK.
17:23I'll bring some shorts and a jacket, Jack.
17:26OK.
17:30That's it. We've got away.
17:32No food in my car, please.
17:33Eat that before you get in.
17:35Where's Jack?
17:37You know, Jack, Jack's just like his fucking mother.
17:40You cannot fucking get on his coat for a bit.
17:42He's never on time.
17:43He takes his own time.
17:45Just like his fucking mother.
17:47Just like Sarah.
17:49You could learn it.
17:50Yeah, we've got the towels in the back, Jack.
17:53Once again, a little bit of common sense goes a long way.
17:55You guys picked a really, really nice day to come out.
17:58Go make the most of it.
18:00Yeah.
18:01Yeah.
18:02Yeah.
18:03Yeah.
18:04Hold on.
18:05Got a spark before it's lit.
18:09Here we go.
18:10No!
18:11No!
18:12Oh!
18:13Oh!
18:14Dude, let's do the big one.
18:15What?
18:16Let's do the big one.
18:17No.
18:18We need to wait.
18:19We need to wait.
18:20Do the big one.
18:21Do the big one.
18:22Come on, do the big one.
18:23Come on, do the big one.
18:24Come on, do the big one.
18:25Let me see this time bomb you have.
18:26Which one?
18:27The big one?
18:28That's the old man's trying to do it.
18:29I don't know.
18:30I got a problem with this.
18:31I don't want this.
18:32Okay.
18:33No problem.
18:34No problem.
18:35Thank you very much.
18:36Of course.
18:37No problem.
18:38Throw the fucking thing.
18:39Do me a favor.
18:40Just throw it away.
18:41Just throw the fucking thing away.
18:42Just throw the fucking thing away.
18:43No, I'm telling you.
18:44I'm telling you.
18:45I'm telling you.
18:46I'm telling you.
18:47Throw the fucking thing over the phone.
18:48Please, now.
18:49Don't the fucking thing.
18:50Go on.
18:51Thank you very much.
18:52What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
19:17What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
19:19at me 17 years, just as old as my son is, to finally go fishing with my son like every
19:27father should do once in his life. Because every time I've attempted before in the past,
19:32the kids, their mates are coming, everybody's been throwing up and we've had to turn around
19:36and go back. Every fucking time. Finally. You know, if you keep on persevering, you
19:42eventually get what you want, you know. What you got, Jack?
19:46I don't know yet, but it's big. It's not that big.
19:53It's the same fucking fish again. What was that, Jaws? Trying to catch a fish.
20:03What was that, a shark? It looked a bit like a shark, but it had one, and it was a bit pissed off.
20:13Did I just hallucinate, or did this fin, Jack? Jack? Did I just hallucinate, or did this fin come by?
20:21It was a seal. Oh, it was a seal?
20:24Oh, look at you, too, mate.
20:30Do you know, I've been waiting 17 years to say my son fishing. Finally, son.
20:35Finally, the fishing trip.
20:37Crazy. Hey, but that's how it goes. Millions of people living as foes.
20:50You know, a half the fish.
20:52And the fish.
20:53So, at the beach.
20:54And the fish.
20:55It's very sweet.
20:56We're good.
20:57And the fish.
20:58You know, what you could actually have?
21:00That's good.
21:01And the fish.
21:02Those fish.
21:03You know.
21:04There's nothing to crash.
21:05And the fish.
21:06That's good.
21:07Can I have a fish?
21:08I know.
21:09I know.
21:10I know.
21:11That's good.
21:12To be some of this.
21:13I know, of course,
21:15I know.
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