00:00I'm Jess. And I'm Mel. And today we're tackling a very serious issue, public sexual harassment.
00:06If you're a woman in Wales who's experienced any form of violence or abuse, the Live Fear Free Helpline is here for you.
00:20Jess, I feel like we are girls who, we share a lot about our personal lives online, we both read books about our lives, you know, like we put a lot out there.
00:29But talking about sexual harassment and all that, it's, it's awkward, isn't it? It is difficult.
00:36It is awkward. And I think it's just been so normalized. So you feel like sometimes, is this something that I'm even allowed to like complain about?
00:43I can remember experiencing sexual harassment when I was in primary school, like that's how young it started for me.
00:49And then it just became something that was so normal, like comments on your body and being sexualized.
00:56I remember the feeling like at school, actually, so I would have been year eight and a sick former grabbing my bum as I was going up the stairs and feeling so unsafe in that moment.
01:09But then thinking, I can't tell anybody because it's not important enough or serious enough for me to say anything.
01:18That guy has also gone around his life knowing that he would get away with something like that.
01:23And then you start to wonder, gosh, if that's happening at a young age, the way we've all just normalized it is really scary.
01:29Something that I think still happens today is that victim blaming.
01:34So in schools, it might be like, oh, girls, like your skirts are too short.
01:38And I think that carries on throughout like your adolescence.
01:41And then when you become an adult, there's always this sense of, oh, well, you must have been asking for it, for people to comment on your body or make sexualized comments or make you feel uncomfortable.
01:50Yeah, I remember, you know, being catcalled by grown men in my school uniform.
01:57And also there was a time where like you'd say something and then somebody would say, oh, you know, one day you'll be wanting men to catcall you, you know, make the most of it.
02:07And I think that kind of does something to you psychologically where you go, oh, that's validating that actually, is it?
02:12Like, and to hear that as a child, it then, it takes you a long time to unlearn that kind of thought process, I think.
02:20A hundred percent.
02:25A few weeks ago, actually, I was just walking back from the gym and I got hung, shouted out the window by one of the emergency services.
02:37Gagged.
02:38Yeah, I reported it.
02:39Have I heard anything?
02:40No.
02:40Every time I leave my home, it is something that I almost like expect.
02:47So, like, I've had a guy before when I was waiting to cross the road, pulled up in his van and I was eating a packet of crisps and he was like, girls like you should be careful eating that kind of food.
02:56Oh, I, what?
02:57Sorry.
02:58No, this winds me up.
03:00Why are you talking to me on this sunny day?
03:03When I'm eating my prawn cocktail crisps.
03:06Leave me at peace, sir.
03:07Or you have an experience, like, when I was with a group of my girls and a man, on his own, cycled past on a bike and just slapped me on my bum.
03:16Oh, sorry, no.
03:17And I was like, and you don't know what to do.
03:18You're like, do you laugh?
03:19It's that whole, like, fight, flight, fawn or freeze.
03:22Yeah.
03:23And most of the time, I think, as women, we just laugh it off and pretend it didn't happen because if we confronted it every single time, we'd get nothing else done.
03:31A few years ago, I was on a trade and it was just me and some men on the carriage that were a bit further down.
03:37And all I could hear was them discussing what they would do to me.
03:42And I felt so unsafe.
03:45And I got off in a station.
03:47There was nowhere near Cardiff.
03:48Because I was like, I would rather be on this platform and without by myself than close in a locked space.
03:54Yeah, definitely.
03:55God, I'm so sorry that's happened to you.
03:57The more you speak and share your experiences, like, the more it not only helps you heal, but it also helps, like, other people know that they're not alone going through this.
04:07I think had I known that I could have texted a line like the Live Fear Free Helpline, it would have at least given me some advice on, like, what to do or know that somebody is there on the other end if something were to happen.
04:23That would have helped me so many times in situations where I've been, where I just wanted someone, especially, like, if you're on your own, right, in a public space, because we do internalise it.
04:32Like, is this serious enough for me to call the police or will people believe me or will people think I'm overreacting?
04:37But you just want someone to call or to talk to, even if it's just a vent to someone or that validation from a professional, like, what happened to you wasn't okay.
04:46Like, that is so important because some people might not want to take it further and, you know, escalate it to police.
04:52But just to actually have a listening ear to tell you, like, your feelings are valid.
04:57And then having the advice if you wanted to take it further, that is an option and they can give you that advice.
05:03If you or anyone you know has been affected by abuse or sexual violence, contact Live Fear Free anytime.
05:11Free, confidential support is just a call, text or chat away.
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