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Too Much Season 1 Episode 4
Transcript
00:00There's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I'm scared because this has been
00:13going so well and I don't want you to end it.
00:16Wait, what?
00:17What is it?
00:18Stop.
00:19You're scaring me.
00:20Dear Wendy Jones, as grown women, we think we've developed good instincts, though we can
00:25spot the red flags waving in the distance and take a different route.
00:28Sometimes we can't see them.
00:31Not until it's too late.
00:33What?
00:34What?
00:35All right.
00:36My bar mitzvah theme was Weezer.
00:39What are you talking about?
00:43That's not a bar mitzvah theme.
00:44It sure as fuck was.
00:45That's not.
00:46Yeah, everybody wore these Rivers Cuomo glasses and my brother and I, we got on stage and
00:52we had these inflatable guitars and we were syncing to Undone the Sweater song.
00:57Oh my God.
00:58Oh no, see, now you're going to dump me.
01:02I knew it.
01:03I knew I shouldn't have said anything.
01:04Oh, you're so cute.
01:05I want to crush you.
01:07You know what?
01:09You know what?
01:10If you want to destroy my sweater, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold this thread as I walk away,
01:20As I walk away, let me unravel, I'll see you.
01:25Okay.
01:27You know what?
01:29Whoa.
01:31Oh my God.
01:32Oh my God.
01:34Oh my God.
01:37I can't be ready.
01:38Oh my God.
01:40Okay.
01:41There's always your eyes who wanna come
01:45Hanging your jeans with a clothespin
01:48Skin still wet still on my skin
01:51Mango in your mouth that you strip in
01:53Shoulder of your shirt sleeve slip in
01:56I don't wanna talk about anyone
01:59I don't wanna talk about anyone
02:02I don't wanna sit in your car while you're driving
02:05Laying you up when I'm crying
02:11X marks a spot with the dot dot dot
02:18A dash and a slash and a question mark
02:21A man comes around then stabs you in the back
02:25He stabs you in the back
02:26And the blood drips down
02:28Crisscross applesauce
02:30I'm making it up
02:31Spider on your shoulder
02:33Do you have spider now?
02:34Cool breathe
02:35And tight squeeze
02:38And now you have the shiveries
02:41I don't buy it
02:43I think you just made that whole thing up
02:45No it's a game
02:46We used to play in summer camp
02:48An all girls camp
02:49It was actually really cozy
02:50It would have really fit in
02:51Cool
02:52How many tattoos do you have by the way?
02:56I don't know
02:56Eight or nine I think
02:58I can't remember
02:59Do any of them mean anything?
03:03Um
03:03Not really
03:07No
03:08Really?
03:10Not even that one?
03:11Which one?
03:13This one
03:13On your ass
03:14Oh
03:14It says poly
03:16Is that like
03:16A lifestyle signifier?
03:18No poly's just a friend
03:20We got it in Portugal
03:21It was a joke
03:22When we were there together
03:23But then the ladies
03:24Spelled it wrong
03:25So yeah
03:26It's got one
03:27I forget that one's there
03:29To be honest
03:29I didn't really think about it
03:30That much
03:31Cool
03:32I love it
03:33It's great
03:34Friends get tattoos all the time
03:36So if she's a girl
03:37Then
03:37Um
03:38I just am
03:38Really relieved
03:39Because I thought it stood for
03:40Polyamorous
03:41Polyamorous
03:43Polyamorous
03:43Is that the one where
03:44You date lots of women
03:45Or just one
03:46I can never remember
03:47Which way around it is
03:48Or is it like
03:49When you're married
03:49To lots of women
03:50No
03:52Is that monogamous?
03:55What's monogamous?
03:57Is that like
03:58That's the same thing
03:59Isn't it?
04:00Isn't it?
04:01No red flags yet
04:02Wendy
04:03None at all
04:04Over here
04:05It's so grey there
04:20I thought it was going to be like
04:22You know
04:22All creative vibe
04:24And it would make me jealous
04:25But yeah
04:25I'm not jealous
04:26No it's gorgeous
04:27It's lovely
04:28This just doesn't convey it
04:29You know
04:30Um
04:31I met someone
04:33Wow
04:34You know
04:34This is the only area
04:36Where you waste no time
04:37Uh
04:37What does he do?
04:38Why is the first question always
04:40What does he do?
04:40How about
04:41How does he make you feel?
04:42What does he value?
04:43Does he fuck you from behind
04:44In like a respectful way?
04:45Does he finger blast you?
04:47Does he know how to finger bang?
04:48Okay Jessica
04:49I'm your mother
04:50Not your friend
04:51Keep that in mind
04:52So
04:52He's unemployed?
04:54He's not unemployed
04:55He's an indie musician
04:56And where does he live?
04:58Well
04:59He lives in an early indie neighborhood
05:00You wouldn't know it
05:01You don't know the London area
05:02Mom
05:02Divorced
05:03Remarried
05:04Still married
05:05Uh no
05:05Not to my knowledge
05:06And yeah
05:07Before you ask
05:08He sleeps in every day
05:09Because
05:10He used to do a lot of cocaine
05:11And he fucked up
05:12His circadian rhythms
05:13Okay
05:14Why did I say all that?
05:16The mommy effect
05:17Oh
05:18That's the mommy effect
05:19So listen
05:20I don't think we should be even talking to this guy anymore
05:23Unless you're gonna get married or something like that
05:25Because there's nothing about this conversation
05:28That makes me think that you have unbroken your broken picker
05:31I haven't broken my picker!
05:33No
05:34I'm serious
05:35I love the textures
05:36I mean the gradient alone
05:37I mean the juxtaposition
05:40Office-wide alert
05:41Office-wide alert
05:42Kim's mood board is so good
05:45It is making me want to commit auto-erotic asphyxiation
05:48I know what you're trying to do
05:50Last night's texting was abhorrent
05:52Okay
05:52I'm sorry about that
05:54Okay
05:54I had taken a lot of ketamine
05:56In a way that I hadn't tried it before
05:58And it all got a bit much
06:00But I'm serious
06:00This is like
06:01This is like a cultural reset
06:02For people who don't even believe in cultural resets
06:05I agree with that
06:06Yeah
06:07Okay
06:07It's Helena Bonham Carter in a headband
06:10Cute
06:11It's sweet
06:12It's the Turin horse
06:13Yes
06:13And it's that old movie
06:15That was a pop-up
06:16Which seemed to be fitting in really well
06:18I did get a couple names for you for a hair and makeup team
06:21If you want me to send them over
06:22Oh I actually wanted to invite you around for dinner this evening
06:24Wow
06:25That's a little intimate
06:26But sure
06:26I mean
06:27I'm open
06:27I'm coming
06:28I'm coming
06:30Even I'm coming
06:31My wife and I are having a little get-together for the team
06:34Yeah
06:34It's good to form
06:35Bit of a bond
06:36Emphasis on a bit
06:37Oh and let Josie know the name of your date
06:40So that my wife can watercolour plasma card
06:43Or whatever she has planned
06:44And if you're gluten or veganarian
06:48Or whatever
06:48Oh and don't forget those ten red flags
06:54Okay
07:04Oh I'm Julia Roberts bitch
07:07Wait are you doing the picture right now?
07:10Yeah yeah
07:10Don't do landscape
07:11Oh sorry
07:12Yeah
07:12But you can still see blue
07:13Do you want to give me that bag?
07:16Is that making you
07:17Yeah can I see what's going on?
07:18Yeah have a look
07:18Oh have you ever taken a picture of a woman before?
07:23Oh my god I love it
07:24This is the London I came here for
07:26The London I deserve
07:27It's like out of a movie
07:28Yeah a horror movie
07:30Trust me I grew up with the broken children of these houses
07:33And it's way more shining than it is Richard Curtis
07:35I know they're sort of painted all fancy colours
07:38But these people are full of pent up rage and dark secrets
07:41I know but look it's a yellow house
07:44Yeah it's yellow
07:46It's pretty
07:46Okay so you know this is my boss
07:50My new boss
07:51And these are people that I work with
07:52So I just wanted to let you know like
07:54Let's just play it cool
07:55Like two normal people cool as a cucumber
07:58Just me and you
07:59And you know I'm not trying to control you
08:01Of course I wouldn't want you to control me
08:03Like I want us to feel free in this
08:04Sort of whatever we're doing
08:05You know I want you to feel like free as a bird
08:07But maybe we lose the hat
08:09Just be normal
08:09You know just don't even think about the hat
08:11It was never even on
08:11It looks so nice
08:13There was one girl called
08:14I think she was called like Victoria Peterson or something
08:17She lives on one of these streets
08:19And basically she was throwing up
08:20But because she drunk so much Guinness
08:22Like it was all black
08:23So it looked like she was like
08:25Seen from the Exorcist or something
08:27I see
08:28Anyway that's the kind of shit we're dealing with
08:30Oh my god they have a blue door too
08:32Hmm
08:32Come on dude that's like the quietest
08:35Well that was aggressive
08:37I feel like she's going to think I'm a delivery person
08:39That was small
08:39That was small
08:40Okay
08:40Well hello
08:43Hi
08:44You both
08:45What a friend Jessica
08:47I'm Jessica
08:48And this is my friend
08:50Friend Felix
08:51My Felix guy
08:52What a breath of fresh air
08:54And look at this coat
08:55I can tell you're going to be an absolute ball
08:57Is it a coat or a dress?
08:58It's a coat
08:59It's a coat
09:00Here I go
09:00Normally we're stuck here with toffs talking about ski slopes
09:04Come on in
09:04What a relief you are
09:06Spoiler alert
09:07It's a candle
09:08It's a nice smelling candle
09:09You probably have a million
09:10You can put it in your camera closet
09:12Too many sniff sniffs can you
09:14Come on in
09:15Did she just say
09:17Sniff sniffs
09:18Yeah
09:18Okay
09:19Not judging
09:20Not judging
09:21When I realised that fonts were my way in
09:24Travel suddenly looked not only like personal enlightenment
09:26But also professional
09:27Fascinating
09:28Yeah
09:28I'm hanging on every word of this story
09:30But I have to pause and ask
09:31Have you been to Lamu Island?
09:35Kenya
09:35Yeah yeah
09:36Archipelago
09:37No
09:37You know like everything in this room
09:41That you see is like worth
09:42Like hundreds of thousands of pounds
09:44There you are
09:45Oh we don't drink actually
09:47Oh more for me
09:48I'll take it
09:49Okay
09:50Gorgeous
09:50Thank you
09:50Glug glug glug
09:51More for me
09:52He doesn't eat anything
09:53He doesn't even like water
09:53So he's good
09:54He's not thirsty
09:55Alright
09:55Oh you must meet
09:57My cousin up from the country
09:59Imogen Tinsley Derbyshire
10:01And her wife Brian
10:02Over there
10:03They were
10:04Bon appetit to edible condoms
10:06Yeah I don't know if it was like
10:10I kept getting different UTIs
10:12Like I don't know if I'm getting like
10:1350 UTIs a year
10:14Or it's like one long UTI
10:16You know it's like
10:17Some days I'll wake up
10:19I'm on top of the world
10:20Other days
10:21I'm waking up
10:22And my pisshole's like burning fire
10:24I see
10:26I see
10:26Have you tried D-manos?
10:29It's a monosaccharide
10:30How do you feel about
10:31Buttock implants?
10:35I'm serious
10:36I haven't thought much about them
10:37I don't know
10:38I should be having this conversation
10:39With my boss
10:40Why?
10:42So he literally calls me on Sunday night
10:43He's like
10:43I'm at Bergheim
10:44I've been here for 48 hours
10:46You should come
10:46It's like
10:47What is going on?
10:48The Kardashians have them
10:49And Madonna's follow suit
10:50I mean
10:51Mmm
10:52Is there butter?
10:54Is that a pill
10:55That you're talking about though?
10:56I have um
10:57Glottal tear
10:58So I really don't want to swallow things
10:59That I'm not supposed to swallow
11:00You just
11:01I know the feeling
11:02I'll suck the guy off
11:06I'm not-
11:07I'm not swallin' it
11:08I'll spit it out
11:09Oh god
11:09Excuse me
11:11Oh
11:12I'm sweating like a sow
11:15Menopause really should come
11:16With clearer warnings
11:17I love how you guys say like
11:19The menopause
11:20Like it's like a celebrity
11:21You know
11:22Like
11:23Is that the menopause?
11:25It is
11:25Come get a picture
11:26With me
11:26What do you say in America?
11:30Um
11:30It's menopause
11:32Hello
11:33I'm not quite
11:36There yet
11:37But I do have PCOS
11:39And that gives you like
11:40Cis
11:40And like fuzzy sideburns
11:42I have to shave off
11:43With a literal man's razor
11:44Look
11:45If you need anything
11:46While you're here in London
11:47Health-wise
11:47I'm just a phone call away
11:49Alright?
11:50It's so nice
11:51Of you to say
11:52I love you
11:53Oh
11:54Piss and cum
11:55Galore
11:55I've heard
11:56I've heard
11:58I can't wait to go
11:59Can't wait to go
11:59I've been wanting to go
12:00For such a long time
12:01Yeah you'll never forget it
12:01Anyway
12:02He's like
12:02Come you should come
12:03And it's like
12:04Relax babe
12:05Right
12:05Like I like him
12:07But not like
12:07Take a flight to Germany
12:09To fish him out of a sex dungeon
12:11Levels of like him
12:12Like some things are just deal breakers
12:14Yeah
12:14I don't have a lot of resources
12:15Or friends here
12:16You know
12:16Well
12:17At least you have
12:18Your lovely partner
12:19How long have you two been together
12:22Um
12:22You know my instinct is to lie to you
12:25But I want to be honest
12:26Ten days
12:26I've been with my partner
12:27For ten days
12:28Well no wonder
12:29You've got those
12:30Issues down there
12:31You're basically
12:32Hanging from the raft
12:33To still lie
12:34He's fucking me raw
12:35No condom
12:37I've always found like
12:39Engaging with people's inner lives
12:41Is kind of a waste
12:43Of energy
12:44You know
12:45I can go deeper
12:46By staying on the surface
12:47Literally cheers to that
12:49Oh I don't cheers
12:49But that's lovely
12:50And you're amazing
12:51Thank you
12:52Is that why you don't make
12:53Eye contact with me
12:54Like to stay on the surface
12:56Or whatever
12:57Because you haven't looked at me
12:58Like a single time
12:59For the whole like evening
13:00I just find like
13:02I'm so honest
13:03And this is like really brutal
13:04Like I only make eye contact
13:05With people
13:06That I know
13:07That I'm not gonna fuck
13:08Because otherwise
13:09It's like too much
13:09Dinner especially
13:10It's like
13:11I have like
13:12So you know you're not gonna fuck him
13:13Because you've looked at him
13:14Quite a few times
13:15But you're worried about
13:16Like that we might fuck
13:17That to put
13:19If you're gonna be like
13:20Really specific about
13:21Like in terms of
13:22Who I would and wouldn't
13:23Fuck at the table
13:23Like that is
13:24Yeah that is absolutely
13:25What I'm saying
13:26For sure
13:26Which is no reflection
13:28Like you're
13:29You are great
13:30But that is more of a
13:31You can feel that
13:31There's a vibe
13:32There's a vibe
13:33But then you're going
13:34You're with my colleague
13:35You're with my colleague
13:37You know
13:37Like what do we do
13:37Like Romeo and Juliet
13:39Over here
13:39I don't know
13:40Like I'm so scared
13:41Of her dying
13:42You know
13:43I'm so scared
13:43Of the tumour
13:44Coming back
13:44I mean it's gone
13:45But they come back
13:46You know
13:46And I just lay in bed
13:48At night
13:48Thinking about Astra dying
13:50And I'm writing her
13:51Obituary in my mind
13:52She'd be published
13:53In like the Times
13:53Or like People Mag
13:54I don't know
13:55What I would do
13:56Without that little lady
13:57I mean
13:57She has better thoughts
13:58Than all of us
13:59She's better than all of us
14:00Oh my darling
14:02You are just
14:02My heart open
14:04With that big brave ability
14:06To just love
14:08Oh you are so beautiful
14:10Look at you
14:12Why don't you come with me
14:15Just for a little minute
14:17I want to show you
14:17Something special
14:18I will zip my lip
14:20And I'll throw away the key
14:21No one needs to know
14:22Does that feel better?
14:42Yeah
14:42Yeah
14:43Just what the doctor ordered
14:44This is a nice party
14:45Oh god
14:47Feels good huh?
14:48That's so much better
14:49I needed a mood lifter too
14:51Me too
14:51I was wondering
14:52When we'd do that
14:53Do you know
14:54I had
14:55The most incredible dog
14:57Lettuce
14:59Was her name
14:59Lettuce the lurcher
15:00She had
15:01The most
15:02Profound
15:03Sick sense
15:05Of knowing exactly
15:06When I was in pain
15:07Emotionally
15:09Physically
15:10Oh
15:12May I?
15:13Oh sure
15:14Yeah
15:14It's the same colour
15:16Isn't that amazing?
15:17You've got such
15:18Gorgeous lips
15:19Look at you
15:20It was
15:21It was like
15:23She would stay
15:23So closely at my heel
15:25Obsessively
15:26Almost to the point
15:27Where it was irritating
15:28Like
15:28Like an ex-love
15:30I can't get rid of
15:31And it just
15:34It came to be
15:34That she
15:35She just knew
15:37When I was hurting
15:38Even before I did
15:39When I
15:40Had to have back surgery
15:41She was there
15:42And when my mother
15:44Passed away
15:44She was there
15:45And that was hours
15:46Before I even got the news
15:48And when Giorno
15:49Had his emotional affair
15:51With Kylie Minogue
15:51She was there
15:53Oh my god
15:55What happened?
15:57She became like a sister
15:59No I mean like your dog
16:01Oh god
16:03Lettuce
16:03Yes
16:04Well
16:05Yes
16:07It was just
16:08Heartbreaking
16:09Gardner left the gate open one night
16:11She got curious
16:12And met a potato truck
16:13Going down a dark country lane
16:14It was
16:15Devastating
16:16But here's the thing
16:18I've come to realise
16:19Animals are the most
16:21Incredible thing
16:22Precisely because
16:23Of how briefly
16:23They're here
16:24Yeah
16:25Thank you
16:26That is so
16:27Just
16:27You were too sweet
16:30You're my Oprah
16:31Oh
16:32Can I be?
16:34I love you
16:35Oh
16:35Sorry
16:36No that's okay
16:37I love love love you
16:38You have empathy
16:40Like I've never known it
16:41It's unbelievable
16:43I see it in your face
16:44Right back at you sister
16:46I see it in yours
16:47What the fuck?
17:00I don't know
17:00I just um
17:01With Astrid
17:02I just
17:02I trust her so much
17:04Astrid
17:04The dog
17:04She's never done
17:05Anything wrong
17:07You know
17:07She's perfect angel
17:09And it's so easy to trust her
17:10So hard to trust people
17:12You know
17:12Like Felix
17:13I mean
17:13He means well
17:14He's been so incredible to me
17:16But I'm just waiting
17:17For the other shoe to drop
17:18I'm just waiting to hear
17:19That he has a wife
17:20And triplets
17:21And Aberdeen
17:22Or something
17:22You know
17:23Or what if he watches
17:23Porn too much
17:24Yes
17:25You know
17:25I mean
17:26I'm not completely convinced
17:27That Jono's not an axe murderer
17:28He's pretty opaque
17:30As I'm sure you've noticed
17:31I could definitely see him
17:32Hurting someone
17:33Well you know
17:34He's not violent
17:35He's just
17:36Moody
17:37But
17:39Isn't this the best time
17:41This time you're in
17:42When it's all so new
17:43And delicious
17:44And tender
17:45And terrifying
17:46Enjoy it
17:48Because pretty soon
17:50You'll feel safe
17:51And sure
17:52And you'll have four children
17:53And you'll be wishing
17:54He'd go to sleep
17:55In the garden shed
17:56And you'll miss those days
17:58When you didn't know everything
17:59Just enough to take it off
18:06You alright?
18:09Hey
18:09What the hell's up brother?
18:13How's the bathroom?
18:14Oh my god
18:14It is so gorgeous
18:16In that bathroom
18:16She has a beautiful soap dish
18:17I mean
18:18I didn't even know
18:19That you needed
18:19A dish for soap
18:20Gorgeous
18:21Elegant
18:22Bowl
18:22Just like Julianne Moore
18:23The Julianne Moore
18:24Of soap dishes
18:25Are you having fun
18:26With boss?
18:27He's so
18:27Has pink hair
18:28Yeah I know
18:29He's funny
18:29He has like
18:30Quite confusing values
18:31Like all these people
18:32That guy
18:33Is a banker guy
18:34Was like telling me
18:35To invest in oil
18:36Because like
18:36War is going to
18:37Drive the stocks up
18:38Or some shit
18:38Nice tip
18:39Yeah
18:40Big money bags
18:41You okay?
18:45You've been like
18:46Doing them
18:47No
18:47Oh my god
18:48No
18:48You are being so weird
18:50About the fact
18:51That I'm drinking
18:51And you're being
18:52Weird about it
18:53And I told you
18:54I know that
18:56I told you
18:56That I couldn't drink
18:57Because some stuff
18:58Went down in New York
18:58Where some stuff
18:59Where okay
19:00I shouldn't be drinking
19:01But guess what
19:01I think it's the kind of stuff
19:03Where I can have a drink
19:04Lent in a while
19:05You know
19:05I can't drink all the time
19:07Of course not
19:08But you know
19:08I'm not someone
19:09That can't pick up
19:10A glass or two
19:11On a holiday
19:12Or a party
19:13I trust you
19:13What?
19:15Now you're being weird
19:15About not being weird
19:16No I mean
19:17Like I trust you
19:18Like you're a grown up
19:18You know what you're doing
19:19You are as nasty
19:21To me
19:22What's nasty about that?
19:24Don't start a fight
19:25Right now
19:26My wife trusts me
19:29Big mistake
19:30That's terrifying to say
19:33That's awful Peter
19:34I'm so sorry
19:35It's been tough
19:36But you know
19:37I finally stopped
19:38Crying myself to sleep
19:39Oh I'm sorry about that
19:40You're a good instructor
19:41I know
19:42It's such a cliche
19:43Isn't it?
19:43I should see it coming
19:44You need to find
19:44Your intellectual match
19:46Peter's just got separated
19:47And he's taken up skiing
19:48Oh my god
19:49You're a lilf
19:50A late in life skier
19:52Oh no
19:53That's funny
19:54Yes
19:54I suppose I am
19:55Yeah
19:56Lilf
19:57Lilf
19:58Yeah kind of like
19:59Lilf but not
20:00That's so funny
20:02By the way
20:02I love your soap dish
20:04Isn't it the most
20:05Beautiful thing
20:06You've ever seen
20:06I got it in the souk
20:08In Marrakesh
20:09Moroccan market
20:11Right
20:11This ancient woman
20:13She had a face
20:15Just pain all over it
20:18And I was passing by
20:19Saw her stall
20:20It's the only thing she had
20:21And she just grabbed my hand
20:23And thrusted into it
20:24And said
20:25I've been waiting for you
20:27And then she died
20:28Anyway
20:29It's a beautiful dish
20:31And I'm glad you noticed it
20:33You look quite familiar
20:41Where would I know you from
20:44Hmm
20:44I don't know
20:47I don't think you know me
20:48Oh I really think I do
20:50Don't think so
20:52Not unless I sold you laughing gas
20:54In like 2013
20:56Outside Marble Arch
20:57Oh only that
20:58I know you from somewhere
21:01I don't think it's me
21:02That you're thinking of
21:03You sure?
21:07Hmm
21:07I mean you can never be too sure
21:09Inny meeny miny mo
21:12Catch a liar by his big toe
21:16Is this an Anne Frank joke?
21:22What?
21:23Is that even a type of joke?
21:25I mean people will always
21:26Tear down a woman
21:26That achieves success
21:27On her own terms
21:28I think she's just called Anne
21:30And we're in her attic
21:31I think you're overthinking it
21:32Okay
21:33I'm freaking out
21:35And I need to be told to breathe
21:36Okay breathe
21:37Breathe
21:37Miss you are not my keeper
21:38She's gagged
21:40She's gagged
21:40She's absolutely gagged
21:41I'm not in the fun way
21:41At dinner Jono made this
21:43Incredibly weird comment
21:44About my dynamic with Josie
21:46In front of Josie
21:47Josie who doesn't even know
21:48That I want to be a lesbian
21:49With her
21:50I mean what if she's straight?
21:51Okay well she's wearing two t-shirts
21:52So I think she's a lesbo guys
21:54I mean do you like her?
21:57Like
21:58Like like like like
21:59Like it's such a
22:00Juvenile word
22:01I don't like her
22:03I
22:03I feel deeply drawn to who she is
22:07Who she could become
22:08She's my destiny
22:09Literally what's the difference?
22:10Guys guys guys
22:11Have you seen
22:12Wow
22:12Jono and his downtime
22:13Looking like the most
22:14Well-preserved member
22:15Of a heritage stadium rock act
22:17I die
22:18It's like yeah
22:19Sing me like a
22:20A soft rock song
22:22About like
22:22How you're a man
22:23But you also kind of
22:24Have mental health issues
22:24But you don't really
22:25But also what he did to
22:27Kim was really
22:28Really rough
22:29And not appropriate at all
22:31I just think
22:32Honestly he feels close to you
22:34That's what it is
22:35He feels emotionally close to you
22:37Like obviously with me
22:38It's more sexual
22:38It's more like
22:39There's a hole
22:39Let me at it
22:41But with you
22:42He's more like a dad
22:43I think
22:43Yes
22:44Oh
22:44Come come
22:46God
22:46Yummy yummy
22:47Yeah
22:48Yes this makes me so happy
22:50Look at you
22:51Enjoying my little contribution
22:52To potluck
22:53Think about cocaine
22:55Is in moderation
22:55Keeps you young
22:56I know I really wouldn't
22:57But if Kim's doing it
22:59I probably should
22:59Because otherwise she'll do it
23:00She'll go crazy
23:01Blah blah blah blah
23:02And then she'll feel very alone
23:03Very low later
23:04Also I love cocaine
23:05I mean
23:07I feel like I can't say no to my boss
23:10I didn't want to do it
23:12I just feel like I can't say no to the hospitality
23:13Oh my god
23:15Yeah
23:15I know
23:16Go for it
23:17You know what's about to happen though
23:19Like you know where this is headed
23:21What you think everyone's gonna just start fucking
23:24Tat-tat-tat
23:25Wrist on glitter
23:26Waste on thinner
23:27I'ma show you how to bag a eight-figure
23:29Face on zaddy
23:31Pockets on jigger
23:32You better get the card and make it swipe like tender
23:35Private villa
23:36And the fire chit chiller
23:37When he posts me
23:38All the h*** get sicker
23:39Thought killer
23:41I don't need fillers
23:42Never been a lame
23:43So the real chicks feel it
23:44Zaddy on the FaceTime
23:46You can never take mine
23:47End up on a date line
23:48Uh, uh, uh
23:49Rich with no date job
23:50Get your wap wap
23:52Always on the course side
23:53Uh, uh, uh
23:54Big B and their boys wanna eat me out
23:56Bitch, I'm from the West Coast
23:57They wanna go down south
23:58All these lame little rappers tryna
24:00Uh, fuck clout
24:01Hmm
24:01I won't let him hit
24:02But he can put it in his mouth
24:04Little waist
24:05Fat, fat
24:05Baby, tap in
24:06Tap, tap, tap in
24:08Haters can't relate
24:09I've never been fake
24:10I got a big ball of putting ice in on my crack
24:13I see from my lips
24:14To my fingers
24:15To my toenails
24:16Drippin' in Sinead night
24:17This ain't going on south
24:18All these birds busy, baby
24:19I do not do friends well
24:20A lot of haters
24:21But I promise that I won't tell
24:23Now what's my favorite word?
24:25I see
24:26I can see the smile
24:27But I know she don't like me
24:28Two hundred for a verse
24:29Yeah, I'm way too pricey
24:31Uh, hello
24:33May I?
24:34Yes
24:35Okay
24:35A question
24:36As a
24:38Seasoned
24:41Lesbian
24:42Uh, might you counsel me
24:44On what to expect
24:45If I were to pursue this path?
24:47It would be
24:48My absolute honor
24:49Okay?
24:50Go
24:51Did you always know
24:52You were queer?
24:53Oh no
24:54No
24:54I've always been
24:55Intensely lustful
24:57But the objects of my obsession
25:00Were varied
25:01And my very first relationship
25:04Was with my boss
25:05At toddler magazine
25:07And his wife
25:08Damn
25:08Oh my god
25:12I had one divorce
25:14And I thought
25:15I was hot shit
25:16But
25:16You're on fire
25:18And now I'm a grandmother
25:19Of two
25:20And my partner
25:21Had a whole other life
25:22As a housewife
25:23Before I ruined her
25:25And at weekends
25:26I kind of do my own thing
25:27Live my own life
25:28You know
25:29Speaking of which
25:30Yes
25:31I have a room
25:32At the Ham Yard Hotel
25:34Oh
25:35Oh
25:35Honestly
25:41I am
25:41Very flattered
25:43Good
25:44But I'm new to this
25:45Yeah I know
25:46And
25:46And I think
25:48What you need
25:49Is a like
25:49Eat it up
25:50No crumbs
25:52Kind of experience
25:53And
25:54I would leave
25:56All the crumbs
25:56There'd be so many crumbs
25:58I could be
25:59A hoover
25:59I have a visual
26:03Okay
26:04Okay look at me
26:05You ready
26:05You ready
26:06I'm lucky
26:06Three
26:07Two
26:07One
26:08Go
26:08Okay
26:08Oh my god
26:11Your stuff's way better
26:12Than my stuff
26:13Cleaning your bag
26:14Is like getting
26:14Cornic
26:14Okay
26:15It's like
26:15That fucking came out of me
26:16You should take this
26:17I don't know how much money's on it
26:18But hell
26:19Go crazy
26:20Buy a bagel
26:20And a coffee
26:21A dollar
26:21I've seen these on TV
26:23Do you actually use this
26:24It's just a dollar
26:25You never know
26:25When you might need it
26:26I feel like you guys
26:26Don't have any central air
26:28Or heat
26:28Or anything
26:29You know how you cool down
26:30Gauche alarm
26:31Cause you're being gauche
26:31AC
26:32In a Georgian listed building
26:33We have a heritage here
26:34We have a
26:35Oh really
26:35What's your tradition
26:36Eating beans all day
26:37You wanna get Camilla Parker Bowles
26:38You wanna
26:39You wanna give her
26:39A lower back tattoo
26:40You wanna say
26:41No loads refused
26:42That's crazy
26:43How do you have so many condoms
26:44Are we trying to hook up tonight
26:46Is it legal to fuck now
26:47It's illegal
26:47You gotta lock me in prison
26:48Cause I fell
26:48Sorry I can't see you
26:50You've finished all the champers
26:56Was there still some lying around
26:58No I did not
26:59I actually think the culprit
27:00Is your wife
27:01Who was sort of
27:03Pouring it down her blouse
27:04I realise where I know you from
27:08You went to the same boarding school
27:11As our daughter Viola
27:12Ding ding
27:13Jig is up
27:14Uh oh
27:15You two were a bit of an item back then
27:17In fact
27:18I may be within my fatherly rights
27:21To stack you around a bit
27:22You do have a very fatherly vibe right now
27:24I gotta say
27:25Yeah
27:25Yeah
27:26Dropped her didn't you
27:27Six months before your A levels
27:31I didn't finish school no
27:32Yeah
27:33Broke my daughter's heart
27:35And left just before A levels
27:38Classic behaviour
27:40Yeah
27:40Classic
27:40You don't know anything about me so
27:42Didn't you take Francesca to um
27:46Talking about Viola
27:47Viola Viola Viola
27:48Didn't you take Viola to Manchester for a show
27:52And then leave her at a fucking travel lodge
27:54It was Liverpool and there's more to it than that
27:56But yeah
27:57Yes
27:57Well I don't love your turn
28:00No
28:01I think you need to back up a little bit
28:02Because it's getting a bit weird now
28:04Oh not one bit
28:06You drop out
28:07You can
28:08Stop touching me
28:09And you don't fucking mouth
28:10You're all fucking
28:11Are you trying to fucking
28:12Are you trying to fucking fight me
28:15Got it
28:16Down to a teammate
28:18Yeah
28:18Yeah
28:18I cheated on your daughter
28:19Then started trying to stick my 16 year old pecker
28:22Into anything that moved
28:23I don't like your attitude
28:25Dude what the fuck is going on with your grip
28:27It's insane
28:28I'll tell you what really happened
28:29My dad ran out of fucking money
28:30That's why I left that
28:31Boo hoo
28:32They put all my shit in cardboard boxes
28:34They told me to
28:34I got my own fucking class
28:36Your daughter said she'd wait for me
28:38Like I was some soldier going to war
28:39And then within a week
28:40She was dating
28:40She'd get a fucking Wetherspoon
28:42And wouldn't even answer my fucking calls
28:43Very fucking good manners
28:45Are you trying to fuck me now
28:46Or what
28:46Yeah
28:46Yeah
28:47Yeah
28:47Maybe that's why she left you
28:49Because you've got bad manners
28:50Your daughter was a fucking brat by the way
28:52I should have just stuck with Lisa Larchmont
28:53She was actually a nice person
28:55And I went down on her
28:56In Julia Jessen's garden
28:57And she fucking cared about me
28:58You gagged up tossing gaff
28:59Oh sorry
29:01Felix
29:02Oh hi Anne
29:04Darling
29:05Have you seen that grueling sex gel
29:08I want to give it to Jessica
29:09Did you leave it in the garden last time?
29:11Uh
29:12Bottom right drawer
29:13Well I what
29:14Anne thank you so much
29:16This meant so much to me
29:18I'm so sorry about everything
29:20Oh it was lovely darling
29:21It was lovely
29:22Don't worry about Johnno
29:23He's always in the prone position
29:26At the end of a party
29:27Johnno thank you for the hospitality
29:30Um Anne again
29:31One minute with you is a million in heaven
29:33Oh
29:34And one minute away from you is hell for eternity
29:36Thank you
29:37Hope I get to see you soon
29:39And feel safe with you
29:40Yes we must
29:41We must
29:41I'm sure you can find it at Boots by the way
29:43But will you see yourselves out?
29:46Thanks
29:46All right
29:47Say hi to Viola
29:48That was a lovely night wasn't it?
29:52Did you have fun darling?
29:53Mmm
29:54Did it get a little crazy?
29:56Mmm
29:56Mmm
29:57Mmm
29:57Mmm
29:58Mmm
29:59All right
30:02Are you going to clean up?
30:04No
30:04I can't do it
30:05No she got in the bath
30:07Did she?
30:08It's weird
30:09Got your coat
30:13And your bag
30:15First thing
30:16Also you know that soap dish you like
30:19Thank you
30:20Got you that as well
30:21Oh my god Felix
30:24You're kidding
30:26That is my boss
30:27Yeah man
30:27That's my boss
30:29You said you liked it
30:29You can't just steal things from my boss
30:31I can't smuggle around stolen goods
30:33Also what did you say in there?
30:35Gay ass
30:35Tortoise
30:36Do you mean gacked up tosser?
30:39Is that what you said?
30:40Yeah gack is like cocaine
30:41Tosser's just like you're a dickhead
30:43Is for you to be chill
30:44For us to be too chill guys
30:46This is worse than if we would have both walked in with hats
30:48I mean all I wanted was us to be civilized people
30:51Who had like positive attitudes
30:53I just wanted us to look like we have positive attitudes
30:55They have fucking hideous attitudes
30:56Like almost as hideous as their fucking faux liberal politics
31:01When all they care about is money
31:02And how they judge everyone who doesn't live exactly the same way that they do
31:05And they're sad fucking children
31:07Who've been hugged like precisely two times in their entire lives
31:09Yeah I called your boss a tosser
31:11Sorry
31:11It was kind of fucked
31:12Yeah
31:12Also by the way
31:14You were hitting on Imogen
31:15Don't think I didn't see that
31:17Fuck no it wasn't
31:17She's like some lesbian grandma who raises ducks
31:20Okay well guess what
31:21She touched Kim's almost vagina
31:22So she's not that innocent
31:24You know also she's a pretty young grandma
31:26We must agree
31:27We must agree
31:28Sure
31:29This has all just been a series of red flags
31:32I mean when I came to find my English dream
31:34I wanted to be in bed with like
31:36Mr. Darcy or Hugh Grant from the British Jones Diaries
31:39Okay did you just say British
31:42Did you say British Jones Diaries?
31:44Yeah there's four of them
31:45Yeah it's not called British Jones
31:46She's British
31:47She has a diary
31:49What are you talking about?
31:50You're just some guy
31:51With a random girl's name tattooed to your ass
31:54And you're just
31:55You don't even have an electric bill
31:57You don't even know the difference between
31:58Polyamory and monogamy
32:00What is the difference?
32:01They sound exactly the fucking same
32:02It's really different
32:04It's really different
32:05Okay
32:06Also I'm sorry
32:06Alyssa Larchman and Julia Jessup's garden
32:09What the fuck?
32:11Is this a game of Clue?
32:12Cluedo?
32:13No
32:13Do you mean Cluedo?
32:14I mean Cluedo
32:15Do you think the board game?
32:15No
32:16With like the library and the pipe
32:17And the kernel mustard or whatever
32:18We call that Cluedo
32:19Well that doesn't make sense
32:21Because it's a game of clues
32:23I don't know why you have to add your little tea cup of charm into it
32:28I'm just telling you that's what it's called
32:30I feel like the problem is that you're obsessively scanning me for red flags
32:35But I mean I don't like
32:38I'm not sitting there assessing you for red flags
32:41Because that's not how my brain works
32:42But if I did do that it's not like you don't have any
32:44No I don't have any
32:45Name one
32:46I'm so fun
32:47Okay
32:47You end every sentence with a question mark
32:50I do not
32:50Yeah
32:51Two red flags
32:52Like you send crazy long texts one after the other
32:54Like multiple paragraphs before I've even checked my phone
32:57You've basically sent me like an essay
32:58You talk about your ex the whole fucking time
33:01But you've never told me what you actually did
33:02So I don't know if he's a horrible monster
33:04Or if you're actually just really overly sensitive
33:06Also by the way
33:07Sometimes when you come you look dead
33:09That's hot
33:10Okay fair enough
33:11And like your dog smells really weird
33:13Your dog smells of vinegar
33:14Why does she smell of vinegar?
33:16You've never had like
33:16Good explanation for that
33:18Wow
33:19Also why do you keep telling me that you're sober?
33:21You just had three signature cocktails
33:22And took some coke
33:23For what?
33:24To be polite?
33:25Who cares
33:25And you set yourself on fire the first time I met you
33:29Literally the first time I met you
33:31You're on fire
33:32You're a ridiculous guy
33:32Like within five minutes
33:33You literally set yourself on fire
33:35Oh my god
33:37Too much man
33:39Too much
33:41Maybe I'm not too much
33:42Maybe you're just not enough
33:43No I don't mean like
33:44It's not an insult
33:45I mean like
33:46You know you're too much
33:48It's like it's a good thing
33:49Like just the right amount
33:52And then like a little bit more
33:53I was just coasting
33:58Never really going anywhere
34:04Caught up in a web
34:05I was getting kind of used to staying there
34:09And out of the blue
34:22I was getting kind of used to staying there
34:25And out of the blue
34:31I fell for you
34:37Now you're lifting me up
34:40Now you're lifting me up
34:41That'll hold me down
34:43Stealing my heart
34:44Instead of stealing my crown
34:46Untangled all the strings
34:49Around my wings
34:49And we're tied
34:51I didn't know him
34:54And I didn't know me
34:56Cloud9 was always out of reach
35:00Now I remember what it feels like
35:03To fly
35:04To fly
35:05You give me butterfly
35:07Now you're lifting me up
35:28Instead of holding me down
35:30You're taking my hand
35:32Instead of taking my crown
35:34Untangled all the strings
35:36Around my wings
35:37And we're tied
35:38You give me butterflies
35:41You give me butterflies
35:49You give me butterflies
36:12You give five people
36:13You give butterflies
36:13And you're lifting me down
36:14You give butterflies
36:14takeaways
36:41You give necklace