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00:00Damn you, WalletNook.com.
00:11Problem?
00:12But the online description was completely misleading.
00:15They said eight slots plus removable ID.
00:18To any rational person, that would mean room for nine cards.
00:20But they don't tell you the removable ID takes up one slot.
00:23It's a nightmare.
00:25Okay, now, do you really need the honorary Justice League of America membership card?
00:31It's been in every wallet I've owned since I was five.
00:34Why?
00:36It says keep this on your person at all times.
00:39It's right here under Batman's signature.
00:43And this is Leonard and Sheldon's apartment?
00:47Guess whose parents just got broadband.
00:49Leonard, may I present, live from New Delhi, Dr. and Mrs. V.M. Kutrupali.
00:53Hi.
00:54Tilt up the camera. I'm looking at his crotch.
00:57Sorry, Papa.
00:58Oh, there's much better. Hi.
01:00And over here is Sheldon.
01:03Hi.
01:04He lives with Leonard.
01:05Oh, that's nice.
01:06Like Haroon and Tanvir.
01:08No, not like Haroon and Tanvir.
01:10Such sweet young men.
01:11They just adopted the cutest little Punjabi baby.
01:14Yeah.
01:14No, we're not like Haroon and Tanvir.
01:16So, are you boys academics like our son?
01:19Yes.
01:20And your parents are comfortable with your limited earning potential?
01:23Not at all.
01:25Papa, please don't start.
01:26Oh, it's just a question.
01:27He's so sensitive.
01:28Okay.
01:29That's my life.
01:29That's my friends.
01:30Good to see you.
01:30Say goodbye.
01:31Bye-bye.
01:31Wait, wait.
01:34Before you go, we have good news.
01:36Put the computer down and gather your friends.
01:43What is it, Papa?
01:45I don't see your friends.
01:48Is it just me or does web chatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?
01:53Rajesh, do you remember Lalita Gupta?
01:55The little fat girl that used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable?
01:59Yes.
02:00Well, now she's a dental student at USC.
02:02So, we gave her your contact information.
02:05Why did you do that?
02:06At 26 years old, Rajesh, we want grandchildren.
02:08But, Papa, I'm not supposed to...
02:10Lalita's parents approve the match.
02:12If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid monsoon season.
02:15A spring wedding?
02:16It's up to you, David.
02:17You don't want to meddle.
02:19If you don't want to meddle, then why are you meddling?
02:21If I may, your parents probably don't consider this meddling.
02:23Well, arranged marriages are no longer the norm.
02:25Indian parents continue to have a greater than average involvement in their children's love lives.
02:29Why are you telling me about my own culture?
02:32You seem confused.
02:35Sorry, Mommy, Papa, but with all due respect, I really can't get you...
02:38Sorry, darling, we have to go.
02:39Doogie Howser is on.
02:42Grandpa, it's Doogie time.
02:44Bye-bye.
02:44Bye-bye.
02:48I don't believe it.
02:50Neither do I.
02:51Doogie Howser's been off the air for like 20 years.
02:53Actually, I read somewhere that it's one of the most popular programs in India.
02:58It might speak to a cultural aspiration to have one's children enter the medical profession.
03:02I bet you're right.
03:03I bet they love scrubs.
03:04What's not to love?
03:06Excuse me, hello?
03:07My parents are trying to marry me off to a total stranger.
03:09What am I going to do?
03:11I suggest you go through with it.
03:13What?
03:13Romantic love as the basis for marriage has only existed since the 19th century.
03:18Up until then, arranged marriages were the norm, and it served society quite well.
03:22It's the entire premise of Fiddler on the Roof.
03:23I'm not a big fan of musicals, but I love that show.
03:26Me too.
03:27Of course, it speaks to me culturally.
03:29Understandable, but there's a universality to that story which transcends ethnicity.
03:33Let's not forget, it's got some really catchy tunes.
03:35Oh, yeah.
03:37Okay, I know what I'm going to do.
03:38What?
03:39Find new friends.
03:45So who wants to rent Fiddler?
03:47No need.
03:48We have the special edition.
03:51Maybe we are like Harun and Tanvir.
03:53This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
04:17Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the planetarium.
04:20Well, I'm sorry, too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet.
04:29I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly,
04:33you don't have dinosaurs.
04:36Well, I'll miss you, too.
04:37Bye-bye.
04:39Okay, I know you're texting about me, and I'd really like you to stop.
04:44Oh, dear.
04:45I am rightly and truly screwed.
04:48Hey, I thought you were finding new friends.
04:50I've got some feelers out.
04:52In the meantime, listen to this.
04:54Hi, Rajesh.
04:55This is Lalita Gupta.
04:56Your mother gave my mother your phone number to give to me.
04:59So I'm calling you, and call me back.
05:04Bye.
05:06Can you believe how pushy she is?
05:10So don't call her.
05:11If I don't call her, I won't hear the end of it from my parents.
05:13So call her.
05:14How can I call her?
05:15You know I can't talk to women.
05:17I'm done.
05:18Anybody else?
05:18Give me the phone.
05:20Why?
05:20Just give it to me.
05:23What are you doing?
05:23Don't worry.
05:24You'll thank me.
05:26Hello, Lalita.
05:27Raj Kutopoli.
05:31Yes, it is good to talk to you, too.
05:33So, what are you wearing?
05:40Oh, not important.
05:42So, anyhow, when would you like to meet?
05:45Friday works for me.
05:47And I'll call you with the time and place.
05:51But in the meantime, keep it real, babe.
05:59You may now thank me.
06:02For what?
06:03Making me sound like a Simpsons character?
06:06Fine.
06:06Next time, make your own date.
06:07I didn't want to make this one.
06:08Look on the bright side.
06:09She might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl.
06:12Great.
06:12Then we'll get married.
06:13I won't be able to talk to her.
06:14And we'll spend the rest of our lives in total silence.
06:17Work for my parents.
06:20Hi, guys.
06:21Oh, hey.
06:21I need some guinea pigs.
06:23Oh, okay.
06:24There's a lab animal supply company and receded you could try.
06:27But if your research is going to have human applications,
06:29may I suggest white mice instead?
06:30Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
06:33I swear to God, Sheldon,
06:36one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
06:39His mom's been saying that for years.
06:43What's up?
06:44Well, I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bartending shift,
06:47so I need to practice mixing drinks.
06:49Oh, great.
06:50Well, the key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition.
06:53With certain obvious exceptions.
06:56Suicide, for example.
06:59So, Leonard, how about it?
07:03You know, Penny, we'd love to help you,
07:04but Raj is going through some stuff right now.
07:06And besides, he doesn't drink, so...
07:09Really?
07:13Um, Raj is going through some stuff right now,
07:16and he'd like to take up drinking.
07:20Hey, here you go, Leonard.
07:21One tequila sunrise.
07:24You know, this drink is a wonderful example
07:26of how liquids with different specific gravities
07:28interact in a cylindrical container.
07:33Okay, Raj, what'll it be?
07:38Whatever you recommend.
07:39Uh, how about a grasshopper?
07:41I make a mean grasshopper.
07:43Okay, good.
07:43Coming up.
07:44Sheldon, what are you going to have?
07:45I'll have a Diet Coke.
07:48Okay, can you please order a cocktail?
07:50I need to practice mixing drinks.
07:52Fine.
07:52I'll have a Virgin Cuba Libre.
07:57That's, um, rum and Coke without the rum.
07:59Yes.
08:02So, Coke.
08:03Yes.
08:05And would you make it diet?
08:11There's a can in the fridge.
08:13Uh, Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge.
08:17Then swim to Cuba.
08:21Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.
08:23Okay, Raj, here you go.
08:28All right, who's next?
08:29I'd like to try a slippery nipple.
08:36Okay, you're cut off.
08:37Anybody need a refill?
08:41Where did my life go, Penny?
08:45One day I'm a carefree bachelor, and the next I'm married and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi.
08:54Are you talking to me?
08:55Is there another Penny here?
08:58I had such plans.
09:00I had dreams.
09:01I was going to be the Indira Gandhi of particle astrophysics.
09:05But with a penis, of course.
09:08It's amazing.
09:10Ever since I was a little boy, my father wanted me to be a gynecologist like him.
09:14How can I be a gynecologist?
09:15I can barely look a woman in the eye.
09:21You know what?
09:22I'm not going to let my parents control my future any longer.
09:24It's time for a showdown.
09:26Somebody give me a computer with a webcam.
09:28Okay.
09:29Sweetie, I think that's the grasshopper talking.
09:31And it's about to tell my parents that I'm not riding an elephant down the aisle with Lalita Gupta.
09:36Okay, calm down.
09:38No one can make you get married.
09:41Why don't you just meet this girl and see what happens?
09:43Haven't you been listening to me?
09:44I cannot talk to women.
09:46Um, Raj...
09:47No, no, let's see how long it takes him.
09:50Raj, Penny, you say you can't talk to women, but you've been talking to me.
09:55And now we'll never know.
09:58Right?
09:59I...
09:59I...
10:00I am talking to you.
10:02Hello, Penny.
10:03How are you?
10:05I'm fine.
10:06Okay, now I just need to make sure I have a Lalita before I meet the grasshopper.
10:13It's a sweet green miracle.
10:16Okay, if you're going to drink on this date, just promise me you won't overdo it.
10:20Overdo what?
10:21Happiness?
10:22Freedom?
10:25This warm glow inside of me that promises everything's going to be all hunky-dunky?
10:30Yeah, that.
10:32Uh, why don't you bring her to my restaurant while I'm tending the bar so I can keep an eye on you?
10:35Okay.
10:37Wait a minute, what's the plan here?
10:39Let's say he meets her, he likes her, they get married.
10:40What's he going to do, stay drunk for the rest of his life?
10:43Work for my parents.
10:44I can't believe I'm sitting here next to little Lalita Gupta.
10:59Well, you are.
11:01Little Lalita.
11:03That's kind of fun to say.
11:04Little Lalita, little Lalita, little Lalita.
11:07You should try it.
11:08Oh, it's okay.
11:12You have lost so much weight.
11:15That must have been difficult for you because you were so, so fat.
11:20Do you remember?
11:21Yes, I do.
11:22Of course you do.
11:23Who could forget being that fat?
11:27Well, I've been trying.
11:29So you're a dentist student?
11:33Are you aware that dentists have an extremely high suicide rate?
11:37Not as high as, say, air traffic controllers, but then they are far more dentists than air traffic controllers,
11:42so in pure numbers, you're still winning.
11:44Yeah, me.
11:47You have a drink that will make him less obnoxious?
11:50Drinks do not work that way.
11:52Say, he's doing fine.
11:54Look at her.
11:54Last girl my mom sent me up with had a mustache and a vestigial tail.
11:57Sorry, I'm late.
12:01What happened?
12:02Nothing.
12:02I just really didn't want to come.
12:06Virgin diet Cuba Libre, please.
12:09Okay.
12:10In a tall glass with a lime wedge.
12:11Oh, I'll wedge it right in there.
12:17So, how's Kuthor Polly?
12:18Oh, my lord.
12:20What?
12:21That's Princess Panchali.
12:23I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita.
12:24No, no.
12:25Princess Panchali from The Monkey and the Princess.
12:29Oh, yeah.
12:30I tried to watch that online, but they wanted my credit card.
12:34It's a children's story.
12:35Oh, no, it isn't.
12:36When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read
12:44it to me.
12:44It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey who was mocked by all the other monkeys
12:49because he was different.
12:51For some reason, I related to it quite strongly.
12:54I know the reason.
12:56We all know the reason.
12:59Sheldon, what are you getting at?
13:01That woman looks exactly like the pictures of Princess Panchali in the book.
13:04How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?
13:08Every year at Comic-Con.
13:11Every day at Disneyland, you can hire Snow White to come to your house.
13:15Of course, they prefer it if you have a kid.
13:18Hey, guys.
13:19This is Lalita Gupta.
13:20Lalita, this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard and Penny.
13:24Isn't it great she isn't fat anymore?
13:27Forgive me, your highness, for I am but a monkey and it is in my nature to climb.
13:31I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair.
13:35I am sorry?
13:37You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Panchali.
13:40Oh, no kidding.
13:42Who is that?
13:43A beloved character from an Indian folk tale.
13:46Oh.
13:48Us Indian or come to our casino Indian?
13:52You Indians.
13:53Oh.
13:54The resemblance is remarkable.
13:56I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair.
13:59Oh, well, thanks.
14:01I imagine you smell very nice, too.
14:04I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
14:08Really?
14:09So do I.
14:10But you're a dentist.
14:11He's nuts.
14:13Don't be insulting, Rajesh.
14:16So, Sheldon, tell me more about this princess you say I look like.
14:19It was said that the gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips.
14:28Oh, my.
14:29Back off, Sheldon.
14:30What?
14:31If you do not stop hitting on my lady, you will feel the full extent of my wrath.
14:36I'm not hitting on her.
14:37And I am not your lady.
14:39And you have no wrath.
14:42You are my lady.
14:43Our parents said so.
14:44We are, for all intents and purposes, 100% hooked up.
14:47Okay, let's get something straight here.
14:49The only reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my case.
14:52I certainly don't need to be getting this old world crap from you.
14:54That's exactly the kind of spirit with which Princess Panchali led the monkeys to freedom.
14:58Oh, screw Princess Panchali.
14:59Hey, you can't talk to me like that.
15:00But you're not, Princess Panchali.
15:02Luckily for you, she can have you beheaded.
15:05Sheldon, are you hungry?
15:07I could eat.
15:08Let's go.
15:12What just happened?
15:14Beats the hell out of me.
15:15Tell you what happened, I just learned how to pick up Indian chicks.
15:21What are we supposed to say to Lalita's parents?
15:24I play golf with a father.
15:25I won't be able to look at him.
15:26Maybe you should keep your eye on the ball, Papa.
15:29Oh, now you're a funny man?
15:30This is not funny, Mr. Funny Man.
15:33Doctor, and Mrs. Kuthapali, in all fairness, it wasn't entirely Raj's fault.
15:37This is a family matter, Sheldon.
15:39I'm Leonard.
15:40Sorry.
15:41You all look alike to us.
15:44But he's right, Papa.
15:45Listen to him.
15:46You, you are the one who ruined everything.
15:49Who is it?
15:50We can't see.
15:51Turn us.
15:52Turn us.
15:55Go ahead.
15:56Tell my parents why they won't have any grandchildren.
15:58How would I know?
15:59Do you have a low sperm count?
16:00This has nothing to do with my sperm count.
16:05You are wearing the boxes that we sent you, Ashurajesh.
16:07Yes, Mommy.
16:08Because you know what happens to the samosas when you wear the tighty-yatase.
16:12Can we please stop talking about my testicles?
16:15Shannon, tell them what you did.
16:17What did I do?
16:18You left with his date.
16:20Friends don't do that to each other.
16:22Oh.
16:24All right, noted.
16:27Sorry.
16:28Sorry?
16:29That's all you can say is sorry?
16:30Take it, Raj.
16:30It's more than I've ever gotten.
16:32And may I point out, she wouldn't have asked me to go with her if you hadn't been drunk and boring.
16:36Drunk?
16:37And boring.
16:38Her words.
16:39I knew it.
16:40He moves to America and becomes an alcoholic.
16:42I'm not an alcoholic.
16:44Then why were you drunk?
16:45Just this one time, Baba, I swear.
16:47Are you in denial?
16:48Do we have to come over and do an intervention?
16:50Don't embarrass him in front of his friends.
16:53All right.
16:54Carry us outside.
16:55We want to talk to you in private.
16:57Baba, please.
16:58Now, Rajesh.
17:03I have to go.
17:06Now listen to me.
17:07At least wait until I get into the hall.
17:13Okay, well, good night.
17:15Hold on.
17:16What happened with you and Lolita?
17:19We ate.
17:20She lectured me on the link between gum disease and heart attacks.
17:23Nothing I didn't already know.
17:24And I came home.
17:25So you're not going to see her again?
17:28Why would I see her again?
17:29I already have a dentist.
17:36I wonder who's going to tell his parents they're not having grandchildren.
17:39To life, to life.
17:44To life, to life.
17:45To life, to life.
17:48Life has a way of amusing us, blessing and bruising us.
17:52Drinking the chayom to life.
17:56I don't believe it.
17:59What's gotten into him?
18:01Oh, maybe a couple virgin cuba-libres that turned out to be kind of slutty.
18:07Didn't.
18:08Hey, you do your experiments.
18:09I do mine.
18:10I do mine.
18:10I do mine.
18:11I do mine.
18:12I do mine.
18:13I do mine.
18:13I do mine.
18:13I do mine.
18:14I do mine.
18:15I do mine.
18:15I do mine.
18:16I do mine.
18:16I do mine.
18:17I do mine.
18:17I do mine.
18:18I do mine.
18:19I do mine.
18:19I do mine.
18:20I do mine.
18:20I do mine.
18:21I do mine.
18:21I do mine.
18:22I do mine.
18:22I do mine.
18:23I do mine.
18:23I do mine.
18:24I do mine.
18:24I do mine.
18:25I do mine.
18:25I do mine.
18:26I do mine.
18:26I do mine.
18:27I do mine.
18:27I do mine.
18:28I do mine.
18:28I do mine.
18:29I do mine.