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FunTranscript
00:00Here we are, face to face, a couple of silver spoons, hoping to find we're two of a kind, make it a go, make it grow, together, we're going to find our way, together, taking the time each day.
00:30To learn all about those things you just can't buy, two of the silver spoons together, you and I, together, we're going to find our way, you and I, together, we're going to find our way, you and I, together.
01:00To learn all about those things you just can't buy, two of the silver spoons together, we're going to find our way, together, we're going to find our way, together, we're going to find our way.
01:05Thanks, Derek.
01:09Sorry, Rick.
01:10Forgot you were carrying your bassoon.
01:14Hey, no more cracks about my bassoon.
01:17Okay?
01:19Look, you're gonna be playing that thing
01:20in the school orchestra, right?
01:22And who's in the orchestra?
01:24Wimps and their future lives.
01:27That's not true.
01:29Some of the kids in the orchestra
01:30are outstanding.
01:32Well, Elliot Herbshaw sure stands out.
01:35What's wrong with Elliot?
01:37Rick, come on, this is a guy
01:39who wears black socks in gym class.
01:42A guy who uses flesh-colored nose pads
01:45so his glasses won't fall off.
01:48And worst of all,
01:50listen, I heard when Elliot does a book report,
01:53he actually reads the book.
01:56So do I.
01:58Really?
01:59Yeah.
02:00Here, call this number right away.
02:07What is it?
02:08Wimps Anonymous.
02:13Edward, why do you even bother
02:15to look at some of these submissions?
02:17Kate, when I started my toy company,
02:19I vowed I'd leave no toy unturned.
02:24Besides, you never know where the next great toy
02:26is going to come from,
02:26like, uh,
02:28what the heck is this?
02:30It's a junior plastic surgeon's kit.
02:35Introduce your child
02:37to a future career in cosmetic surgery.
02:39And give him hours of fun, too,
02:43as he transforms
02:45Betty before
02:47into Angela after.
02:56Noses, chins, and silicone included.
02:58Aha.
02:59Next.
03:01What's that?
03:02This?
03:03Oh, it's a really strange one.
03:05It's called a yo-yo hat.
03:07A yo-yo hat.
03:09First we put it on.
03:11Mm-hmm.
03:11And then we wind up the yo-yo.
03:13Mm-hmm.
03:14And...
03:14What's that?
03:19Sounds like somebody choking a duck.
03:29I'll be back in a second.
03:32Oh, great.
03:33Great.
03:35We just sent music back 2,000 years
03:37up to the days
03:38where people really appreciated
03:40an enormous talent like yours.
03:41Hello, Mr. Stratton.
03:45Hi, Derek.
03:45Rick, what are you doing
03:46with a bassoon?
03:48I'm gonna play it
03:48in the school orchestra.
03:50Hey, that's terrific.
03:54You'll be playing
03:54that thing a lot then, huh?
03:56Yeah.
03:58BELL RINGS
03:59You know,
04:02the wonderful thing
04:03about a bassoon is
04:04no matter where I am
04:06in the entire house,
04:07I'll still be able
04:07to hear it.
04:08See, Derek,
04:11I told you
04:11playing the bassoon
04:12doesn't make you a wimp.
04:13A wimp?
04:15Um, no.
04:16Rick, I think
04:16you misunderstood me.
04:18Um, I personally admire
04:19your son for playing
04:20the bassoon.
04:21And I'm outraged
04:22by our small-minded friends
04:23who ridicule him.
04:26Well, good for you, Derek,
04:27because playing an instrument
04:28is a sign of strength,
04:29not weakness.
04:30And personally,
04:30I'm very proud of Rick
04:31that he has a mind
04:32of his own.
04:34I wish I'd said that.
04:35Now, this man
04:39is so wise
04:40that you, sir,
04:42are an inspiration to him.
04:47Thank you for being alive.
04:53So long, Mr. Stratton.
04:54Bye, Derek.
04:56Hey, hey, hey, Derek.
04:57Yes, Richard.
04:58Thanks a lot
04:59for sticking up
04:59for me back there.
05:01I'll do the same
05:01for you and the classmates
05:02to make fun of your B-U-I-N.
05:03My B-U-I-N?
05:06Yeah.
05:07The bassoon up your nose.
05:13No, no, no, Dad.
05:15That's not the way
05:15you do it.
05:16Let me show you how.
05:17Okay?
05:24See?
05:25No doubt about it.
05:27You're a natural.
05:30Hey, Dad, what's that?
05:31Ah, that is a yo-yo hat.
05:34Some dreamer is hoping
05:35this will replace
05:36the hula hoop, I think.
05:44Grandfather!
05:46Richard!
05:46So, you've acquired a pet.
05:58As I approached,
05:59I distinctly heard
06:01a choking duck.
06:05Edward.
06:07Father!
06:07Father!
06:11What is that?
06:13Your thinking cap?
06:15It's a yo-yo hat.
06:20Obviously.
06:23Edward,
06:24this plastic surgeon's kit
06:26is kind of fun.
06:27You should see
06:28what I did to...
06:29Betty, Miss...
06:30Oh, Mr. Stratton, sir.
06:32Don't mind me, Miss Summers.
06:34Just go on playing
06:35with your dolls.
06:39Father, what are you doing here?
06:41You mean,
06:42why have I come
06:43to romp a room?
06:49Sorry, Dad,
06:50but he cracks me up.
06:53Edward,
06:54do you have anything
06:54in your calendar
06:55for the evening
06:56of the 27th?
06:58Not sure.
06:59Kate, would you check?
07:00Oh, yes.
07:01Um, the 27th.
07:02You have the charity auction
07:03at the art museum.
07:04Ah, cancel it!
07:06What do you mean, cancel it?
07:07You can't just walk in here
07:08and tell me to cancel my plans.
07:10Send them a check.
07:12You and Richard
07:13are appearing that evening
07:14at the testimonial dinner
07:16of the Industrialist Foundation.
07:19What's that?
07:20It's a stupid
07:20and boring dinner
07:21where a bunch of rich fat cats
07:23sit around
07:24and celebrate themselves.
07:25What pompous,
07:26stuffed shirt
07:27are they honoring this year?
07:28Me.
07:40Congratulations.
07:45What my dad
07:45was really trying to say
07:47is that these dinners
07:48are usually boring, stupid.
07:51But if you're the guy
07:52they're honoring,
07:52then...
07:53you're not buying this,
07:56are you?
07:56No sale.
08:00However,
08:01contrary to what
08:01your father has told you,
08:03this is a memorable occasion.
08:05I am the recipient
08:06of the Industrialist Foundation
08:08Life Achievement Award.
08:11Oh, you must be thrilled.
08:14Delirious.
08:17Now, I saw a Life Achievement Award
08:19on TV once.
08:21I think they were giving it
08:21to somebody...
08:22somebody named Howdy Doody.
08:24This is hardly
08:27Howdy Doody time.
08:30That reminds me,
08:32uh,
08:32I have to order
08:33some string.
08:34Excuse me.
08:38As a climax
08:39to the occasion,
08:40there will be
08:41a slide presentation
08:42outlining the high points
08:45in my life.
08:47Are they going to show
08:47pictures of you
08:48as a child?
08:48I was never
08:50a child.
08:53That's right, Rick.
08:54My grandmother told me
08:55he used to wear
08:55a bow tie
08:56with his diapers.
09:01Sorry, but...
09:02but he cracks me up, too.
09:05Here.
09:07What's this?
09:08A speech
09:09which you will deliver
09:10with the slide presentation.
09:12How thoughtful.
09:17Yes, you will deliver it
09:18as written
09:19and refrain
09:20from ad-libbing.
09:24No matter how busy
09:26my father was
09:27in pursuing
09:27his momentous career,
09:28he never stopped
09:29being a devoted
09:31family man?
09:33Who wrote this?
09:34Hans Christian Andersen?
09:36You are not
09:37to criticize it.
09:39You are to memorize it.
09:40I haven't even said
09:41that I would come yet.
09:43It is the custom
09:44for a member
09:45of the family
09:46to deliver the award.
09:48Dinner is at 7.30 sharp,
09:50so on that day
09:51you will ride
09:52your choo-choo
09:53a little earlier.
09:55Father,
09:56you're not listening to me.
09:57If you want me
09:58to come to this banquet
09:59with you,
10:00ask me.
10:00Don't order me.
10:01I've been fighting
10:02your dictatorial attitude
10:03toward me
10:04all my adult life.
10:06What adult life?
10:10That's it.
10:12I can't talk to you.
10:14So,
10:15what are you going to do?
10:16Stand there
10:17and hold your breath
10:18till you turn blue?
10:22Edward,
10:22I am not going to beg you
10:24to attend this banquet.
10:25You don't have to beg me!
10:27Would it be so hard
10:29to say I would be pleased
10:30and delighted
10:31to have you with me
10:32on this special occasion?
10:33I will not stoop
10:34to obsequious supplication
10:36and you stop
10:37being consumacious.
10:38I am not being...
10:40Contumacious,
10:52contum...
10:53Is that with an O
10:53or an A?
10:55O.
10:58You couldn't have
10:59just said stubborn?
11:02Edward,
11:03are you coming
11:04to this banquet
11:05or are you not?
11:06Father,
11:08I am not.
11:11Grandfather,
11:11wait a minute!
11:13Every time you guys
11:14see each other,
11:14you want to get
11:15to each other's throats!
11:16Can't you get it together?
11:20Lost my head again.
11:24Good day, Richard.
11:25Oh, Grandfather,
11:26wait a minute.
11:26Come on,
11:27let's sit down
11:27and talk about this.
11:28What's the good?
11:30You'll just say
11:31he's your only son
11:32and I'll say
11:33don't rub it in.
11:35And you'll say
11:35he's really trying
11:37and I'll say
11:38I certainly agree.
11:40And after that,
11:41you'll say
11:41it's nobody's fault
11:42and I'll say
11:43poppycock
11:44and I'll walk right
11:45out of this room.
11:45I can't be sure
11:47I was going to say
11:48those things.
11:49What were you
11:50going to say?
11:52Those things.
11:54Richard, my boy,
11:56I came here
11:57with every good intention
11:59and your father
12:00started to rant
12:01and rave.
12:03He takes every
12:03piddly opportunity
12:05to blow his top.
12:08He burns my butt.
12:10Grandfather,
12:17he just wanted
12:18you to ask him nicely.
12:20He wants to know
12:20what you care about him.
12:22Can't you make
12:22some kind of gesture?
12:24Oh, there is
12:25such a gesture
12:26that I reserve it
12:27for truck drivers
12:28who try to cut in
12:29on me on the highway.
12:34You do that?
12:36Why not?
12:38I'm human.
12:39You are?
12:43Richard,
12:44since your father
12:45has declined
12:46my invitation,
12:47you will deliver
12:48this speech.
12:50I expect you
12:50at 7.30,
12:53properly attired,
12:55I'll send
12:56a limousine for you.
12:59Grandfather,
13:00don't leave like this.
13:01I want you,
13:02me, and my dad
13:03to have a happy family.
13:04Can't you just
13:05bend a little?
13:07Willow's Bend,
13:09noodles bend.
13:17I never bend.
13:19I don't know.
13:35Hiya, Kate.
13:37Wow, Ricky,
13:38you look terrific.
13:40Hey, thanks.
13:41Kate, can you talk
13:41to my dad?
13:43Your grandfather
13:43wants him to go
13:44and so do I.
13:45I know you
13:46can convince him.
13:48Sorry, Rick,
13:49it won't work.
13:50Dad?
14:01Dad, what are you
14:02doing in there?
14:03Well,
14:04I'm donating this
14:05to the charity auction
14:06tonight,
14:06and I thought
14:07I'd see what it felt
14:07like to wear it.
14:09What does it feel like?
14:10It'll never replace wool.
14:12Now, why don't you
14:16go tonight?
14:17Last chance,
14:18next banquet,
14:19200 miles.
14:21No, son,
14:21you go ahead
14:22and have a good time
14:22and give a great speech.
14:23Okay.
14:27I just wish you
14:28weren't so,
14:29so contumacious.
14:34Edward,
14:34I don't know
14:35what contumacious means,
14:36but if you ask me,
14:37I think you're
14:37being awfully stubborn.
14:41Can't you just
14:41forget the past?
14:43You want to talk
14:43about the past?
14:44I'll show you the past.
14:46Look at this.
14:47This is a card
14:48I made for my father
14:49when I was just a kid.
14:50Happy Feathers Day?
14:57Well, I was only
14:57six years old.
15:00Anyway,
15:00never got it.
15:01He was off
15:01on a business trip.
15:03He probably wanted
15:04to be with you, Edward.
15:06All I know, Kate,
15:06is that every time
15:07I had something
15:08that was special to me,
15:08he was always
15:09too busy to be there.
15:10Now, when he wants
15:11me to be somewhere,
15:12it's like a command
15:13performance.
15:13Well, he burns
15:15my butt.
15:20Edward,
15:20if you want
15:21things to change,
15:22somebody's got
15:22to take the first step.
15:24Kate, if I went there,
15:25I can tell you
15:25exactly what would happen.
15:27The minute I got there,
15:28he'd start to criticize me.
15:29Then I'd lose my temper,
15:30and the next thing you know,
15:31we'd argue in front
15:32of everybody,
15:32and pretty soon,
15:33the whole evening
15:34would be a disaster.
15:36Phil, let me borrow
15:37your rope.
15:37Thanks.
15:38Kate, take the end of this.
15:40Now, see,
15:40it's like a tug of war, Kate.
15:42Pretend you're my father
15:43and I'm me.
15:43Okay?
15:43Pull, Kate, pull.
15:45Now, see,
15:46we're always pulling
15:47against each other.
15:48My father wants me
15:48to be just like him,
15:49and I want to be
15:50my own man.
15:51So look what happens
15:52if I give in.
15:55I lose.
15:56Kate, I gotta keep
15:57pulling against him.
15:59I can't let
16:00my father win.
16:01Oh, well,
16:01there is another way
16:02to win.
16:02What's that?
16:03Just let go.
16:04Ah!
16:04Ah!
16:19May I have
16:20your attention, please?
16:21Sure.
16:24Our guest of honor
16:25tonight
16:26is Edward Stratton II.
16:28Although, uh,
16:29he's never been
16:30second to anybody.
16:31Well, it's customary
16:35for a member
16:36of the family
16:37to, uh,
16:37present our
16:38Life Achievement
16:39Award.
16:40So tonight,
16:41I want to introduce
16:42to you
16:42a young man
16:44who,
16:45along with the award,
16:46is going to present
16:47a pictorial history
16:49of the life
16:50of his grandfather.
16:52Ladies and gentlemen,
16:53I give you
16:54Master Richard Stratton.
16:56Hello, here is...
17:04Backstreet.
17:06It is indeed
17:07a privilege
17:08to be here tonight
17:08on such a suspicious
17:10occasion.
17:15Gee, by the way,
17:17anybody know
17:17why the punk rock
17:18crossed the road?
17:20Because you're a
17:21staple to the chicken.
17:22But seriously,
17:30let's get down
17:32to the slideshow.
17:33Ah,
17:34the first step
17:35on the road
17:36to the Stratton
17:36family's fortune
17:37was taken by
17:38Edward Stratton I,
17:39who invented
17:40the inner tube.
17:44Banana head.
17:45While still a young man,
17:50my grandfather
17:50took over his father's
17:51outdated factory
17:52and converted it
17:54into the largest
17:54shipyard in the world.
17:57This helped America
17:58in World War II,
17:59and it was personally
18:00thanked by
18:00President Truman
18:01for saving democracy.
18:04I guess if it hadn't
18:05been for my grandfather,
18:06we'd all be driving
18:07Japanese cars now.
18:14Text.
18:14Stick to the text.
18:20Put seriously,
18:22my grandfather's business
18:23continued to bloom.
18:24He expanded into
18:25lumber mills,
18:27aerospace,
18:29construction,
18:31and tacos.
18:36Not content with creating
18:37an industrial empire,
18:39he became a philanthropist.
18:41In fact,
18:41he's credited with creating
18:42the single most
18:43important incentive
18:44for charitable contribution,
18:46the tax deduction.
18:54Still, no matter
18:55how busy my grandfather
18:56was in pursuing
18:57his momentous career,
18:59he never stopped being
19:00a devoted family man.
19:03Hello?
19:04Hello, you?
19:05Hello!
19:07Dad?
19:08Rick?
19:10Ladies and gentlemen,
19:11this is my father.
19:13Dad, come out here!
19:15Come out where?
19:16Go around the side!
19:23Ladies and gentlemen,
19:25Edward Stratton III,
19:26and my father came out here.
19:27And my father came out here.
19:37See, he came after all.
19:39There are times when I wonder,
19:41why me?
19:45Ah, so, so there you have
19:47Edward Stratton II.
19:48Speak up!
19:50So there you have
19:54Edward Stratton II.
19:56That's great.
19:58Father,
19:59please.
20:00Oh, get on with it!
20:04I want to say something
20:05right now.
20:07Uh-oh.
20:11Something I've kept
20:12bottled up inside of me
20:13for a long, long time.
20:14I'd like you all to know
20:16how I feel about this man
20:18as a father.
20:18Edward.
20:23Tonight,
20:24I was going through
20:26some things
20:26for a charity auction,
20:27and I found
20:28a card
20:30that I made
20:31for my father
20:31when I was only
20:32six years old.
20:34My father
20:34never saw this
20:36because he was off
20:37on a business trip.
20:40Seems all my life
20:41I've resented the fact
20:42that my father
20:42was off doing
20:43the very things
20:44that you're honoring
20:44him here for tonight.
20:47I was hurt
20:48because he didn't
20:50spend more time
20:51with me.
20:53See, I wanted
20:54to spend all my time
20:55with him.
20:59But, as is
21:00obvious to all of you,
21:02and now finally
21:03to me,
21:06my father's time
21:07was well spent.
21:11So,
21:14I'd like to present
21:16to my father,
21:18Edward Stratton II,
21:21this Life Achievement Award,
21:24along with the words
21:27that I wrote to him
21:28on that Father's Day
21:30so long ago.
21:34Dear
21:35Father,
21:36Father.
21:43I am very,
21:44very proud
21:47of you.
21:47I want to thank you, one and all, for bestowing this award upon me.
22:14It is much appreciated and long overdue.
22:23I also want to answer certain impromptu observations made by my son.
22:31First, you were late.
22:34Second, Edward, I am very, very glad that you are here with us tonight.
23:02Ladies and gentlemen, please, ladies, ladies and gentlemen, please sit down, for the evening
23:21is not over yet.
23:22In honor of this occasion, I have written a bassoon solo.
23:38Together, we're going to find our way
23:46Together, taking the time each day
23:53To learn all about those things you just can't lie
23:59To pursue the schools together
24:02You and I love
24:08To learn all about those things you just can't lie