00:04Hey, what's up, Paul? How are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning.
00:10Okay. Sorry, who is this?
00:13My name is Jubal, and I host a radio show called Brook and Jubal in the Morning.
00:19Hi, how can I help you?
00:21Well, I'm calling you today because one of our listeners actually sent us an email about you.
00:27It was about your laugh.
00:30Imagine how sexy it is. A lot of it was about your laugh.
00:35Okay, thanks for calling. I'm not really interested in one of those prank call shows.
00:41No, this is not.
00:43I'm not very interested.
00:44Paul, I promise, this is not a prank phone call.
00:46They really did compliment your laugh in the email.
00:48It's actually from a girl that you went on a date with.
00:50Her name is Eileen.
00:54Alright, yeah.
00:55And Eileen sent us an email about you because she really enjoyed the time that you spent together, but now you're not calling her back after your date.
01:03So she wanted us to get you on the phone and find out what went wrong.
01:06Well, I mean, I guess technically it's not really, but Eileen sort of made it our business because she asked us to call you.
01:23She just wants to know why you won't go out with her again.
01:25Can you give us anything?
01:26It's because she's not a good person.
01:32What?
01:33Whoa!
01:33We talked to her and she sounded like a great person.
01:35Yeah.
01:36Well, you know, I went on a date with her and...
01:40I'm sorry, I don't see myself having a future with someone who's a murderer.
01:46What?
01:48Wow, you went from bad person to murderer.
01:51Dang!
01:51Whoa, murderer?
01:53Look, you called me. What do you want?
01:55Um, I just would love to know how you figured out that Eileen is a murderer.
02:00Who did she kill?
02:01That's a big claim.
02:02Did you see her on, like, America's Most Wanted or something?
02:05Look, you know, she's very engaging and charming.
02:07We went out, we had a good dinner, we went back to her place.
02:10She invited me in.
02:12I don't normally say yes on the first date, but I was having a great time.
02:16Yeah.
02:16And then we went into her place and she had a stuffed goose on the wall.
02:23What?
02:24I thought you were going to say, like, there was a dead body in the freezer or something.
02:27There was a dead body hanging on the wall.
02:30And I asked her about it and she told me she's a hunter, all right?
02:34And she went hunting, found that thing, hunted it down, tracked it down, killed it in cold blood.
02:41And this is not funny.
02:43I'm sorry.
02:44Well, you can see how, I mean, it's kind of sounds that way because you called her a murderer and then you're telling us because.
02:51Yeah, she is a murderer.
02:52Okay.
02:54Animal lives mean a lot to me.
02:56But there's a lot of people that hunt for food and for recreation.
02:59Yeah, there's a lot of people who hunt and find that's their life.
03:02They can live that way if they want to.
03:05I'm not going to be involved with someone who does.
03:07And I'm certainly not going to be involved with someone who hunts just to put them up on their wall like trophies.
03:11She had a boar's head in there.
03:13There were ducks.
03:13Like being in a horror movie, okay?
03:15I have no interest in dating a butcher.
03:17All right?
03:18I have no interest in dating a murderer.
03:20But you can laugh all you want.
03:21Animals are lives, too.
03:23And she's a murderer.
03:24You take a life.
03:24No matter what, you're a murderer.
03:26You can tell her that.
03:27You can tell her that's why we're not having a second thing.
03:29You sound angry.
03:31Paul, I don't actually have to tell her that you think she's a murderer because she's on the line listening and probably would love to talk to you right now.
03:38Are you freaking serious?
03:41You're calling me a murderer because I like to hunt?
03:44Yeah, I am.
03:46I just don't understand.
03:48You were at my house.
03:49Why didn't you say something then?
03:51You literally said, oh, cool.
03:53I was being polite, okay?
03:54I was being polite because I wanted to leave as quickly as possible.
03:58I don't know.
03:59If you're going to kill one animal, maybe you'll kill another one.
04:01So wait, Paul, you left because you were scared of her?
04:04I left because I was disgusted that she would take a life, yes.
04:08I mean, honestly, it's not like I was killing, like, an elephant.
04:12It's a f***ing goose.
04:13They're vermin.
04:14Literally, you have to hunt them.
04:16Otherwise, they will cause problems like airplane crashes and car crashes.
04:20I'm doing everyone a favor.
04:22I'm saving tax dollars.
04:23You should be thanking me.
04:25It's a lot of tough talk from someone who has to hang birds on their wall to feel good
04:28about themselves.
04:31I don't hang birds on my wall to feel good about myself.
04:33I do it because I love natural history, and I love the idea of being proud of what I can
04:38do in my culture, in my past.
04:40It's way more beautiful than just one.
04:41You love natural history so much that you're just going to go out and kill it?
04:44That makes a lot of sense.
04:44I just think it's disgusting that you would criticize and judge me based on something that
04:49brings me so much joy and happiness.
04:51My father took me hunting.
04:52It's a part of my happiest memories.
04:54Every time I look at the boar on the wall, I think about how great my childhood was.
04:58You know, probably how you feel about, like, I don't know, d***ing yourself or something.
05:02That was the kind of discourse I expect from a murderer.
05:12Because you are a murderer.
05:14I stood in your living room.
05:16I saw the bodies of defenseless animals staring at me.
05:20Have you ever made eye contact with these animals?
05:22I'm sure you haven't.
05:23You think you have, but you haven't.
05:24You haven't looked into their souls and seen the pain on their faces when their lives were
05:28taken by some woman with daddy issues who went out to go hunt just to feel good about
05:33herself.
05:35Are you kidding me?
05:36Grow some f***ing b***h, dude.
05:38Like, have you ever even held a gun?
05:40Do you even know what you're talking about?
05:41Or are you just speaking out of your b***h?
05:42I'll tell you, it takes a lot more b***h to save a life rather than take a life, okay?
05:47Do you ever think about it when you pick a gun in those animals' faces, that they have
05:50families, that they're just like people?
05:53They have lives that you're destroying just so you can have some decorations in your living
05:56room?
05:58Oh, my God, Paul.
05:59Thank you so much.
06:00You've made it so clear for me.
06:02I really get it now.
06:03The last time I saw a f***ing goose build a skyscraper like a human did, or the last time
06:08I saw a goose, like, solve a math problem like a human did, yeah.
06:11They're just like humans.
06:13The next one I see, I'll nickname it Paul, and I'll remember that it has a soul before
06:18I kill it.
06:20Hey, that leans me to my question.
06:21Paul, would you like to go out on a second date with Eileen?
06:24We will pay for it.
06:25I don't want to go on a second date with him.
06:27I know, I just thought I'd ask him.
06:28You sure made a lot of phone calls trying to get a hold of me.
06:32If you don't want to go on a second date with him, there's a lot about your spouse.
06:34Yeah, and leave it to a p***y like you to not even respond.
06:37I should have known.
06:38Only a little girl wouldn't respond.
06:40A real man would have been like, nobbit.
06:40You need to kill animals to feel good about yourself, and you need to get a radio station
06:44to find you a man.
06:45Wonderful.
06:45You're a real tough hero.
06:47Oh, my God.
06:48Whatever.
06:48Enjoy your f***ing easy-bake oven, you little b***h.
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