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Classic cinema
  • 3 months ago
Transcript
00:01:29Bade in, on a tree-lined street.
00:01:33Two good-looking, attractive guys are good-looking, attractive.
00:01:37That's the same thing.
00:01:39Why not tall, unshort guys?
00:01:42Nah.
00:01:43Give them something they've never seen before.
00:01:49Edgy.
00:01:50Ow.
00:01:51Different.
00:01:53Ow.
00:01:54It's the action-packed, true story of how the search for the American dream goes dangerously awry.
00:02:05I have one dream on rye with a pickle to go.
00:02:08Hmm.
00:02:08Not bad.
00:02:10Gotta grab them in the first minute.
00:02:13Hmm.
00:02:13Maybe a little sex.
00:02:17Meh.
00:02:18Too obvious.
00:02:23Cosmo says red is the power color for women.
00:02:26But it makes me look like a fire truck.
00:02:28Hollywood.
00:02:31That's me.
00:02:32Hollywood.
00:02:33Sarah Wilder.
00:02:34I just graduated from film school and now I'm in the real world.
00:02:37Well, L.A., which may be real or unreal, depending on who you are.
00:02:42Fortunately, I know a real person, my Uncle Lou, who was once a big-time Hollywood writer.
00:02:48Yeah, it's open.
00:02:51Yeah.
00:02:51So, uh, how did I do yesterday?
00:02:54Oh, good, good.
00:02:55Oh, Phil, I'll talk to you later.
00:02:56Bye.
00:03:00So?
00:03:03Sarah Wilder, your niece.
00:03:05I know that.
00:03:06Sit down.
00:03:09For me.
00:03:11Oh, how nice.
00:03:14So, uh, what made you want to get into the movie business?
00:03:17Why'd you pick a profession with dignity, like begging?
00:03:20Okay, Uncle Lou, you're just like Mom.
00:03:22You think the movie business is populated with terrible people.
00:03:24No, no, no, no, no.
00:03:25Believe me, believe me.
00:03:25I'm not like your mother.
00:03:27But, uh, in this instance, she's right.
00:03:28The world is full of terrible people.
00:03:29Why not the movie business?
00:03:31So, uh, speaking of which, how is your mother?
00:03:36And that mummicks she married?
00:03:38She and Dad are great.
00:03:39They're doing the Florida thing.
00:03:40You know, get a condo on the beach and play golf and tennis.
00:03:43So what's this movie about that you want to make?
00:03:45Jimmy.
00:03:45Cousin Jimmy.
00:03:47On your father's side?
00:03:48The same.
00:03:49But why?
00:03:50He's a bum.
00:03:51I know him.
00:03:52And like my film teacher always said, film what you know.
00:03:57Uh-huh.
00:03:57So this story is all about Jimmy's problems, huh?
00:04:01What audience is going to sit down and watch a movie about a schmuck like that?
00:04:06I don't know.
00:04:08He's a sweet guy.
00:04:09And I think I want to explore the why of it all.
00:04:14The why of it all?
00:04:15You know, I don't understand the movies they're making today.
00:04:20Did you see something about Mary?
00:04:22Laugh my ass off.
00:04:23Could I make a movie like that?
00:04:24Never.
00:04:25Never in a million years.
00:04:26Well, I want to tell you something.
00:04:29I still know a lot of people in this town.
00:04:33I called in a lot of favors.
00:04:36I don't know why I'm doing this.
00:04:38But I, uh, set up some pitch meetings for you.
00:04:42All right?
00:04:43Now stay focused.
00:04:44And remember, nobody knows anything.
00:04:48Today I have my first pitch meeting at a big studio.
00:04:53Hello.
00:04:54Oh, I can't talk right now.
00:04:56No, I'm meeting Connor Fulton at 9.30.
00:04:58I'll talk to you later.
00:05:01Hello.
00:05:01Hello.
00:05:02Hello.
00:05:02Hello.
00:05:02Hello.
00:05:02Hello.
00:05:02Hello.
00:05:02Hello.
00:05:02Hello.
00:05:02Hello.
00:05:03Hello.
00:05:04Hello.
00:05:04Hello.
00:05:04Hello.
00:05:05Hello.
00:05:06Hello.
00:05:06Hello.
00:05:07Hello.
00:05:09Wait, wait, wait.
00:05:10All right.
00:05:10Hold on.
00:05:11Connor is talking now, okay?
00:05:12All right, now listen.
00:05:13You are $5 million over budget.
00:05:15Hold on one second.
00:05:16Miss Winston.
00:05:17Wilder.
00:05:17That's right.
00:05:18Hold on.
00:05:18Okay.
00:05:19Listen, you're $5 million over budget, so either we're going to stop paying you or we stop beating
00:05:23the cast and the crew.
00:05:24It's your decision.
00:05:26So, you're new in town, and you got a story to tell.
00:05:33Well, nobody ever said that Connor Fulton didn't give New Town a break.
00:05:36Ain't that right?
00:05:37See?
00:05:38Everyone knows.
00:05:39That's George.
00:05:40He's my assistant.
00:05:41He's my eyes and my ears.
00:05:42You can see the big picture.
00:05:43Hi.
00:05:44So, shoot.
00:05:45I got a 10 o'clock.
00:05:46It's coming in early.
00:05:47You got five minutes.
00:05:48Any good story can be told in five minutes.
00:05:49Ain't that right?
00:05:50See?
00:05:51Give me your best shot.
00:05:52It's the action-packed true story of how the search for the American dream goes ominously
00:06:06awry.
00:06:08Kind of like a modern James Dean.
00:06:15But during his quest for the American dream, Jimmy committed armed robbery.
00:06:20A felony.
00:06:21But he's my cousin.
00:06:22I mean, I sat next to him at the kids' table at every holiday dinner.
00:06:26But what made him do it?
00:06:28Here's the twist.
00:06:30You see, I shot interviews of every family member and eyewitnesses to the actual crime.
00:06:36For a historic docudrama.
00:06:39Kind of like Reds, but without the communists.
00:06:41And we'll cut back to them ever so often for background and to help uncover Jimmy's motivations.
00:06:48The diet pills are working.
00:06:49Oh, thank you.
00:06:50Are those canned?
00:06:51Oh, of course they're canned.
00:06:52Are you nervous, Beatrice?
00:06:53No.
00:06:54I'm very relaxed.
00:06:55You're gonna be wonderful, Uncle Sid.
00:06:56You're gonna be brilliant.
00:06:57I like that apathetic thing you got going on.
00:06:59And it's all about glamour over here, isn't it?
00:07:00Oh.
00:07:01How do I look?
00:07:02Wonderful.
00:07:03Good.
00:07:04You look really good.
00:07:05It's all about cleverness.
00:07:07Roll sound.
00:07:08Um, should I wait for, like, action?
00:07:10Uh, wait until I say dysfunction.
00:07:13Dysfunction.
00:07:14Okay.
00:07:15Okay, good.
00:07:16And what do you want me to talk about?
00:07:17Tell me about my cousin Jimmy and Uncle Sid.
00:07:19You look marvelous.
00:07:21Oh.
00:07:22Oh.
00:07:24Jimmy is our son.
00:07:26We love him.
00:07:27He's a very good boy.
00:07:29A very good boy.
00:07:30You know what rotten is?
00:07:32He's rotten.
00:07:33He's rotten in the car.
00:07:34Oh, but he's a very good boy, you know.
00:07:36Thank God he's got my genes.
00:07:39You know, he takes after my side of the family.
00:07:42Your side of the family?
00:07:43Your side of the family's crazy.
00:07:45You know, all this bad stuff with Jimmy, it's your fault.
00:07:50My fault?
00:07:51Huh.
00:07:52I'd have sued you.
00:07:53I'd have sued you and your family, you know that?
00:07:55For what?
00:07:56Because when I married you, they passed you off as sane.
00:07:59You're fucking crazy.
00:08:01Ow.
00:08:02This is good.
00:08:03This is good.
00:08:05You used fucking properly.
00:08:09I have a mother and a father too.
00:08:12Most people do.
00:08:13That's very identifiable.
00:08:14Mmm.
00:08:15Mmm.
00:08:16I'm a basket case until my second day.
00:08:20You wanna know what he does at the grocery store?
00:08:24Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:08:25He's gonna bring up the candy bin thing again.
00:08:27He steals little pieces of candy from the candy bin at the grocery store.
00:08:32Jimmy must have seen him do it.
00:08:34Like father, like son.
00:08:36You know, Jimmy used to be a very sweet boy.
00:08:39My husband here corrupted him.
00:08:42Okay, so maybe Jimmy didn't grow up in the best environment.
00:08:45But it's not like he was so different than any other kid.
00:08:48I can't do homework because they told me to do homework.
00:08:51I can't work under these conditions.
00:08:54Right, but there was always a constant in Jimmy's life.
00:08:57His love.
00:08:58No, no.
00:08:59His obsession for Miranda.
00:09:00Even when they were kids.
00:09:02Miranda, I love you.
00:09:05Best thing that ever happened to Jimmy was Miranda.
00:09:08But even when they were kids, it wasn't always roses.
00:09:11I told you, Jimmy. Get the fuck out of here!
00:09:13I'm serious!
00:09:14By the time they got married, she'd been kicking him out for years.
00:09:17Just leave!
00:09:19See, things haven't changed much.
00:09:21But unfortunately, every time Jimmy and Miranda fought,
00:09:24he'd always go to his best friend for solace.
00:09:26For understanding.
00:09:27Unfortunately, his best friend is Virus.
00:09:30His partner in crime, so to speak.
00:09:32A rocket scientist, Virus isn't.
00:09:34But Jimmy still considered him a friend.
00:09:36Don't even ask me why.
00:09:38Connor, darling, the love of my life.
00:09:40The vein of my existence.
00:09:42Great baby!
00:09:43George, see any good movies lately?
00:09:45So good to see you.
00:09:47How are you doing?
00:09:48What brings you to the salt mines?
00:09:50It's about Bruce, Connor, dear.
00:09:51Who else?
00:09:52Listen, I just saw those dailies.
00:09:53Oh, marvelous.
00:09:54Huh?
00:09:55Huh?
00:09:56That fight inside?
00:09:57What is that?
00:09:58Is that a volcano?
00:09:59Of course.
00:10:00It's incredible.
00:10:01It's incredible.
00:10:02Did I say that was incredible?
00:10:03I'm so happy you're happy.
00:10:05Happy?
00:10:06Happy?
00:10:07I am ecstatic, dear, all right?
00:10:08I am delirious.
00:10:09I'm about to lose control of my bladder.
00:10:11Oh, well.
00:10:12I have something else you can piss on, then.
00:10:14Oh!
00:10:17You don't mind looking at the, uh, list of requests Bruce has.
00:10:20What is it?
00:10:21Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:10:22Hasana in his trailer.
00:10:23Mmm, wet, not dry.
00:10:24Oh, wet, not dry, not dry, George.
00:10:26Remind me.
00:10:27Hey, what's his new standing at $4,000?
00:10:29Don't you think Bruce's brother would be perfect?
00:10:31Okay, what's his driver at $3,000?
00:10:33His nephew.
00:10:34Personal trainer, $2,000.
00:10:35His cousin.
00:10:36Coincidentally.
00:10:37You're killing me here.
00:10:39There's $14,000 a week.
00:10:40Why don't we just rent this whole family?
00:10:42You are, Conner, darling.
00:10:44You're renting the whole goddamn family.
00:10:46He's honest.
00:10:47He's honest.
00:10:48It's an $80 million movie.
00:10:49They'll need lots of asses in those seats to seek profits.
00:10:52Oh.
00:10:53Bruce can put them there.
00:10:54Ciao, George.
00:10:55Love what you're wearing.
00:10:57Thank you, Craig.
00:11:01Hey, listen.
00:11:02You take care, all right?
00:11:03Tell Bruce I'll see him at the fight.
00:11:04I will.
00:11:05Bye-bye, Bobby.
00:11:06Is this a fucking business or what?
00:11:10Would they run General Electric like this?
00:11:12No.
00:11:13No, you're damn right they would.
00:11:14Give me Jack Brown.
00:11:15I'm sorry about this.
00:11:16They said he went to an early lunch.
00:11:18Oh, Christ.
00:11:19It's 10.45 in the morning.
00:11:22Give me the other producer on his film, Bruce's film,
00:11:25whatever his name is.
00:11:26I don't know.
00:11:27Call him.
00:11:28It is a crazy business.
00:11:30It is crazy.
00:11:31I tell you that.
00:11:32Stars that make $14 million a picture,
00:11:35and then they nickel and dime you for every perk they can think of.
00:11:39Producers go to a 10.45 lunch.
00:11:41Shit!
00:11:42I mean, most producers don't even come in till 11 o'clock, huh?
00:11:45Am I right?
00:11:46What?
00:11:47Bruce Schwartz on two.
00:11:52Connor Fulton here.
00:11:53Hi.
00:11:54I want you to measure Bruce's trailer for a sauna,
00:11:57and then I want you to tell him every day that it is being specially made.
00:12:00I want you to tell him we're having trouble getting a green card for his French chef.
00:12:04I want you to bullshit him about his stand-in.
00:12:06I want you to bullshit him about his driver.
00:12:07I want you to bullshit him about his trainer.
00:12:08I want you to bullshit him about his trainer.
00:12:09Tell him...
00:12:10Tell him...
00:12:11Teamsters.
00:12:12Tell him...
00:12:13Tell him we're having problems with the Teamsters.
00:12:14They want their men in place.
00:12:15And if he has a problem with that,
00:12:16then his family's going to be sleeping with the fishes, okay?
00:12:18And then you tell him to go to hell!
00:12:20Where were we?
00:12:33What Jimmy and Virus needed was a direction.
00:12:35A goal.
00:12:36Get a job!
00:12:37Get a job!
00:12:38Why don't you get a job?
00:12:39I'd like to get a job.
00:12:40Why don't you get a job?
00:12:41I can't!
00:12:42See?
00:12:43Because she told me to, and then if I get a job,
00:12:44it's because she told me to, and I can't work under those conditions.
00:12:47Remember, when Jimmy was a kid,
00:12:49he didn't like taking orders.
00:12:51He's no different now.
00:12:52Hey, fellas, let's go, huh?
00:12:54We got a house to paint!
00:12:55Rapido, rapido!
00:12:57It's pretty daylight!
00:12:58You like some guy clapping at you?
00:13:00Come on, have some self-respect.
00:13:02You gotta be your own boss.
00:13:03I am my own boss, and I've got self-respect.
00:13:05No, what you got...
00:13:06some guy telling you what to do.
00:13:08Nobody tells me what to do.
00:13:10Look, I'm gonna take off.
00:13:12Think about what I said.
00:13:13I thought you were coming over to help me paint.
00:13:15No.
00:13:16I thought I was coming over while you paint.
00:13:18I'm not a painter.
00:13:20Anyway, I gotta go pick up my check.
00:13:22Disability.
00:13:23Think about what I said.
00:13:25When I said they needed a goal,
00:13:27I really meant they needed money
00:13:28because all they were capable of doing
00:13:30was painting houses.
00:13:33All the fixtures you see are original.
00:13:36They were installed when the house was first built in 1946.
00:13:40Now, nine years ago, the owner of the house, Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones,
00:13:44had all of the fixtures removed, sent back to Germany,
00:13:47where they were originally manufactured in 1928.
00:13:52The Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones harmonica playing?
00:13:55Yes.
00:13:56Wow.
00:13:58Nice house, Blue Smoke.
00:14:02How do you know Blue Smoke?
00:14:03How do you know Blue Smoke?
00:14:04I don't.
00:14:05I know off him.
00:14:06Not done yet!
00:14:07All of the fixtures were cleaned, restored, updated
00:14:10by the grandson of the original manufacturer,
00:14:13Mincher van der Klieger.
00:14:15Now, if that name rings a bell, it should.
00:14:18Because we still use Klieg lights today.
00:14:20This way.
00:14:21Does he know we're here to paint?
00:14:25As you can see...
00:14:28As you can see, the kitchen has been updated as well.
00:14:31The technology of tomorrow with the hardwood floors of yesterday.
00:14:35I think that's pretty cool.
00:14:37Speaking of cool...
00:14:38Nicely done.
00:14:39This refrigerator has the shell of its mother model,
00:14:43the Freeze Captain 627,
00:14:45with the entrails of the Captain Frost Master Wes Fridge.
00:14:50A lovely piece of machinery.
00:14:53I believe this is yours.
00:14:57Take a look at this.
00:14:59Is this beautiful?
00:15:00Look at this with the trees and the sun.
00:15:03Look at this view.
00:15:04If this view were a lady,
00:15:07I would lay her down right here, right now,
00:15:10and give her the love.
00:15:11Oh, my God!
00:15:13Oh, my God!
00:15:15Oh, God!
00:15:18I am so God damn tired of showing houses all day long.
00:15:23You couldn't give this piece of shit away.
00:15:25This shit...
00:15:26It's been on the market for six years now.
00:15:29Oh, God.
00:15:31Oh, God.
00:15:33Did you ever lie in bed at night,
00:15:34and you look up at the ceiling,
00:15:35and you realize,
00:15:36you know, I came to the fork in the road.
00:15:38I veered left.
00:15:39You know you should be right.
00:15:40You know it.
00:15:41But...
00:15:42But it's too late.
00:15:43It's too late.
00:15:44I shit where I sleep.
00:15:45Oh, God.
00:15:46I wish I had a back porch.
00:15:49It's too late.
00:15:52You guys...
00:15:54You seem like nice guys, really.
00:15:57And you're young.
00:15:58You should get away.
00:15:59Run away now.
00:16:00Because I feel one coming on.
00:16:02Okay?
00:16:03I really need to be alone.
00:16:06Oh, God.
00:16:12Oh.
00:16:13Oh, God.
00:16:15Wow.
00:16:16Can you believe that?
00:16:18Oh.
00:16:19Blue Smoke's house has been on the market for six years.
00:16:22It's beautiful.
00:16:23Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:16:25Two guys...
00:16:27Strike that.
00:16:28Two morons who can't paint,
00:16:30and they're talking about some musician.
00:16:33I'm...
00:16:34I thought this was about an armed robbery.
00:16:37It is.
00:16:38So?
00:16:39Where is it?
00:16:40I mean, how far are we into the picture now?
00:16:42Ten minutes, maybe?
00:16:44Maybe.
00:16:45Oh, God.
00:16:46Ten minutes?
00:16:47Ten minutes is a lifetime.
00:16:48See?
00:16:49George knows.
00:16:50In Indiana Jones, he has already been chased by a boulder by now.
00:16:53Okay?
00:16:54In Jaws, we've seen a girl get naked,
00:16:55make out with some guy,
00:16:56hop in the water,
00:16:57and get eaten by a shark.
00:16:58That's the goal.
00:16:59That's what the audience is waiting for.
00:17:00Why are you making them wait?
00:17:01It's me.
00:17:03I wanted to build up the motivation to their committing the robbery.
00:17:07Wrong answer.
00:17:09My dear, you must be visual.
00:17:12You have to show this.
00:17:13You've got to show some guns, some violence, a little blood.
00:17:16I don't know.
00:17:17Wait.
00:17:18Um, they, they, let's say they, they, they witness a robbery.
00:17:24They witness a robbery and that inspires them.
00:17:26That's good, isn't it?
00:17:27That's good.
00:17:28That's good.
00:17:29Try that.
00:17:30You want me to change what I have?
00:17:31Change what actually happened.
00:17:32Change the truth.
00:17:34Change the truth.
00:17:35Add the bit about the robbery and then, uh, continue.
00:17:47Okay.
00:17:48Um, let's see.
00:17:49Uh, as Uncle Lou said, nobody knows anything, so I might as well give it a try.
00:17:53Why can't Miranda just be nice to me?
00:17:56You guys need a dialogue, man.
00:17:57Is that it, fellas?
00:17:58Yeah.
00:17:59All right.
00:18:00Uh, let's see.
00:18:01Pepsi, Pepsi, fruit pie, fruit pie.
00:18:04Two sixty-five.
00:18:05Two sixty-five.
00:18:06We got two.
00:18:07We got...
00:18:08Fifty.
00:18:09Sixty-one.
00:18:10Sixty-two.
00:18:11Sixty-three.
00:18:12Sixty-four.
00:18:13Two.
00:18:14Sixty-four.
00:18:15Two.
00:18:16Sixty-four.
00:18:17Two.
00:18:18Sixty-four.
00:18:19Two.
00:18:20Sixty-four.
00:18:26All right.
00:18:27Fine.
00:18:28Yes.
00:18:29Miranda's just complicated.
00:18:30You know?
00:18:31You guys, you need to talk more, because she's just like...
00:18:32Let's stay calm.
00:18:33We just want the cash.
00:18:34Let's go.
00:18:35Let's go.
00:18:36Move it.
00:18:37All right, you two spread out.
00:18:38Spread out.
00:18:39See some money out of you two.
00:18:40Come on.
00:18:41Come on.
00:18:42I'm not fooling around here.
00:18:43Let's open the pot.
00:18:44See some cash.
00:18:45Here we go.
00:18:46Give me the change.
00:18:47Get the hands up.
00:18:48Clean.
00:18:49That's it.
00:18:50Let's go.
00:18:58How hairy was that?
00:19:00How about shit?
00:19:01Did you about shit?
00:19:02How about shit?
00:19:03Did you see me?
00:19:04I froze.
00:19:05I was just...
00:19:06Hey, man.
00:19:07You're really cool.
00:19:09Yeah, it's because I don't give a shit.
00:19:10It happens every other week.
00:19:11I'm not gonna get my ass shot up for, you know, 200 bucks.
00:19:14It's not even mine.
00:19:15You were really cool.
00:19:17I should've put a cap in their ass.
00:19:18That's what I should've did.
00:19:19But I don't have a, uh, gun.
00:19:22Hey.
00:19:23Yeah, yeah.
00:19:24Go ahead.
00:19:25You sure?
00:19:26You sure?
00:19:27Thanks a lot.
00:19:28Sure.
00:19:29Jimmy needed to feel worthy in Miranda's eyes.
00:19:32To prove himself to her on his own terms.
00:19:35But he didn't know how.
00:19:37Witnessing the robbery was both shocking and exciting to them.
00:19:40A total adrenaline rush.
00:19:41To Jimmy and Virus, this was all the inspiration they needed.
00:19:43If you had to give a description of the cops right now, what would you tell them?
00:19:44I'd say there were two of them.
00:19:45Uh-huh.
00:19:46And that they were bigger than us and white.
00:19:47Hey, you don't catch guys like that.
00:19:48You know?
00:19:49They knew exactly what they were doing.
00:19:50They were professionals.
00:19:51You heard the cashier.
00:19:52That shit happens all the time.
00:19:53I like this much better now.
00:19:54I like it.
00:19:55This is good.
00:19:56Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:19:57Go on.
00:19:58Jimmy moved in with Virus.
00:19:59And the robbery was both shocking and exciting to them.
00:20:00A total adrenaline rush.
00:20:01To Jimmy and Virus, this was all the inspiration they needed.
00:20:02If you had to give a description of the cops right now,
00:20:03what would you tell them?
00:20:04Yeah, sure, that shit happens all the time.
00:20:05I like this much better now.
00:20:07I like it.
00:20:08This is good.
00:20:09Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:20:11Go on.
00:20:12Jimmy moved in with Virus.
00:20:13The wheels were now in motion that would lead them to their eventual destiny.
00:20:16Come on.
00:20:17Get the door open.
00:20:18Phone's ringing.
00:20:19Hello?
00:20:20Oh, no, hey, Miranda, how are you?
00:20:23No, actually, we just walked in.
00:20:25It's Miranda.
00:20:26Really?
00:20:27No, that's...
00:20:28Yeah.
00:20:29No, I will.
00:20:30Yeah, that's sweet.
00:20:31I will.
00:20:32Absolutely, I will.
00:20:33Uh-huh.
00:20:34You look like Joe Perry from Aerosmith right now in their life.
00:20:38It's weird.
00:20:39Your nose is...
00:20:40Huh?
00:20:41What are you saying?
00:20:42No, that...
00:20:43Okay, cool.
00:20:44Absolutely.
00:20:45I will.
00:20:46Yeah, he's right here.
00:20:47Hold on one second.
00:20:48She wants to talk to you.
00:20:49Now, to Jimmy, his life may have been crap.
00:20:51But the one thing he did have was Miranda.
00:20:54Actually, he didn't, but that's Jimmy.
00:20:57Hello.
00:20:58Yeah, no.
00:20:59It's me and Virus.
00:21:00Hey, how'd you know I was here, anyway?
00:21:03No.
00:21:04Just...
00:21:05No.
00:21:06No.
00:21:07Now, see, I think you do want to fight about it.
00:21:09As a matter of fact, I think you want nothing more than to fight about it.
00:21:12Hang on a second there, Pud, and you're the one who asked me to...
00:21:15Puds?
00:21:16I even asked a psychiatrist why Miranda would call.
00:21:19It's called separation anxiety.
00:21:21You see, Jimmy was obsessed with Miranda, yet she was rejecting him.
00:21:25Quite often when people are awake, this sort of thing happens.
00:21:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:21:28That's exactly what happened to me when I was on a stakeout for two months.
00:21:32Day in and day out, my wife and I, well, we were separated for some time.
00:21:36And, well, we had arguments.
00:21:38And, you know, separation is very painful and stressful.
00:21:42It's terrible.
00:21:43He was not on a stakeout.
00:21:45He's disturbed.
00:21:46He thinks he's Joe Mannix from the television show.
00:21:48You were not on a stakeout.
00:21:50Yeah, I tried to call her from every discreet telephone I could find.
00:21:53But I...
00:21:54There just wasn't any telephones around her.
00:21:55I was desperate.
00:21:56Desperate to talk to her.
00:21:57I even had my secretary, Peggy.
00:21:59You remember Peggy.
00:22:00Peggy, I said, you gotta get in touch with her.
00:22:02But nothing.
00:22:03Nothing.
00:22:04You're not a private eye, Mr. O'Hanion.
00:22:05You're...
00:22:06Wait, wait a minute.
00:22:07What do you mean, Shrinko?
00:22:08Of course I'm a private eye.
00:22:09Joe Mannix, what are you talking about?
00:22:11I went undercover with my contacts at the police force, Lieutenant Tobias.
00:22:15Remember Lieutenant Tobias?
00:22:16Yes.
00:22:17Yeah, well, I was out of pocket for six months with that.
00:22:19You did not go undercover.
00:22:20Your name is not Joe Mannix, Mr. O'Hanion.
00:22:22It's Creek or O'Hanion.
00:22:23You live in Fresno and you make cheap white wine.
00:22:25Wait, wait, wait.
00:22:26You said it was gonna be like Reds.
00:22:29What part does Warren Beatty play?
00:22:32No, he's not in it.
00:22:36But I'm using eyewitnesses like in the movie Reds.
00:22:41You get me Warren Beatty as an eyewitness.
00:22:44We got a movie.
00:22:50You have any other casting in place?
00:22:51You talk to George.
00:22:52He's my eyes and my ears.
00:22:55Is he coming back?
00:23:02How did you put a blind guy in the movie business?
00:23:06It's an advantage.
00:23:07First of all, nobody reads scripts anymore.
00:23:09They get these kids from UCLA to do that.
00:23:12Secondly, if he can't see, there's a little chance to take his boss's job.
00:23:17Though, uh, on the other hand, if he was also deaf, his chances could improve.
00:23:24Does everyone have a yes, man?
00:23:28Some have no men.
00:23:29Most have and we'll get back to you, man.
00:23:31Here.
00:23:33Let me give you this guy's number.
00:23:34I used to know him.
00:23:35He's okay.
00:23:36I gave him his first shot.
00:23:38You just call him, all right?
00:23:40Lou Bracken.
00:23:42Is he still alive?
00:23:44He called you, didn't he?
00:23:45Hmm.
00:23:48Comes from Cuba.
00:23:50I can make my whole movie for the price of five of those.
00:23:53Is that legal?
00:23:55Cuba Gooding.
00:23:58So need a money, baby.
00:24:02So, uh, where were we?
00:24:05Let's see, your cousin Jimmy?
00:24:07Jimmy was spending his days watching TV and bemoaning Miranda.
00:24:10You're right.
00:24:12Should be separate, you know?
00:24:13I'm better off out of that house than still living with that emotional carnival freak.
00:24:17She's a sideshow.
00:24:19It's a really nice house, though.
00:24:23I'm an idiot.
00:24:24I still dig it.
00:24:26Check it out.
00:24:27Turn it up.
00:24:28Try it.
00:24:29...after being convicted of the grisly murder of his 69-year-old grandmother, Sally Gagg.
00:24:35McClintock's peach.
00:24:37They can't be beat.
00:24:38You'll say that's me.
00:24:40The best darn peach I could ever eat.
00:24:42So we don't make the peach, but we do research you to try one.
00:24:45McClintock's peach.
00:24:46Once they saw the commercial, they decided to target McClintock's.
00:24:50Okay, this is Karen.
00:24:51Uh-huh.
00:24:52All right?
00:24:53She's a friend of mine.
00:24:54Karen used to work at McClintock's.
00:24:55Why she quit, that's not important either.
00:24:56Okay.
00:24:57All right?
00:24:58Karen says they deposit the money to the bank every Monday afternoon.
00:25:01No.
00:25:02Yeah.
00:25:03So I figure we go in there on a Monday morning, that's a week's worth of business in that register.
00:25:06How hard can this be?
00:25:07Register full of cash, no security.
00:25:09I figure we walk in, grab the money, walk out, just like those guys did.
00:25:12Coffee Karen figures almost $50,000.
00:25:14Even as Jimmy and Virus plotted the robbery, it seemed that their feelings against McClintock's
00:25:18had found some public support.
00:25:20How dare the McClintock's invoke God to sell their peaches.
00:25:24They are the most self-righteous, pretentious con artists this town has ever seen.
00:25:28I could spit on them.
00:25:30McClintock's peaches smakują jak moje mamy, zupełnie tak samo.
00:25:35These eyewitnesses, you shot them already, right?
00:25:38Oh, yeah.
00:25:39In the can.
00:25:40And there's a lot more than what you've heard.
00:25:42Mm-hmm.
00:25:44So, uh, who do you see as the peach expert?
00:25:50Oh, the real peach expert himself.
00:25:53The real one I already shot in the film.
00:25:55Okay, let's get this straight.
00:25:57Everyone, I don't care who they are, wants to get their hands on some of these peaches,
00:26:02especially if they've ever tasted McClintock's peach.
00:26:04I mean everyone.
00:26:06Okay?
00:26:07Huh.
00:26:08Merci beaucoup.
00:26:10Euro trash.
00:26:13Sunscreen?
00:26:14I think, I think perhaps you should think younger.
00:26:21Maybe Ben Stiller as the peach expert.
00:26:27Well, whatever happened to authenticity?
00:26:31Authenticity is for CNN.
00:26:34Ben Stiller is for movies.
00:26:37Cheers.
00:26:38Maybe you're right.
00:26:47Well, think about it.
00:26:48Okay?
00:26:49Think about Ben.
00:26:50Okay, get this straight.
00:26:51Everybody, I don't care who it is, wants to get their hands on some of those peaches if
00:26:56they've ever tasted McClintock peach.
00:26:57Okay?
00:26:58Ben Stiller.
00:26:59Hmm?
00:27:00Ben Stiller.
00:27:01Ben Stiller.
00:27:02Hmm?
00:27:03Okay, get this straight.
00:27:04Everybody, I don't care who it is, wants to get their hands on some of those peaches if
00:27:09they've ever tasted McClintock peach.
00:27:11Okay?
00:27:12Ben Stiller.
00:27:13Okay, get this straight.
00:27:14Everybody, I don't care who it is, wants to get their hands on some of those peaches if
00:27:19they've ever tasted McClintock peach.
00:27:21Okay?
00:27:22Much better.
00:27:23Now continue.
00:27:24Well, the sea for Robbie McClintocks was planted.
00:27:28But Jimmy was torn, confused.
00:27:33Between his unrequited love for Miranda and the adrenaline rush from the robbery, Jimmy
00:27:39was an emotional, vulnerable, incredibly hurt boy.
00:27:46He was riding a manic depressive roller coaster.
00:27:49Very deep, deep lows.
00:27:54And manic, sexy highs.
00:28:00Very manic highs.
00:28:02Excuse me.
00:28:03I'm just gonna put this over here.
00:28:06Virus wasn't any help.
00:28:07He was always testing Jimmy with ridiculous hypothetical questions.
00:28:11You were their camp counselor.
00:28:12I certainly was.
00:28:13And I'm here to say that these boys were not evil or vicious.
00:28:17Oh, they weren't geniuses to be sure.
00:28:19But they had convictions.
00:28:20They had values.
00:28:21Hey, I got one for you.
00:28:22If you had to blow some guy, who would it be?
00:28:23Excuse me?
00:28:24If you had to blow some guy, who would you pick?
00:28:25I don't have to blow some guy.
00:28:26Yeah, I know you don't have to.
00:28:27But if you did, who would it be?
00:28:28I try not to entertain that thought.
00:28:29And I don't think it's healthy when you do it.
00:28:30Come on, entertain me for a second.
00:28:31They got a gun to your head.
00:28:32Well, if they got a gun to my head, odds are I'll be blowing one of them.
00:28:33You're missing my point.
00:28:34Your point?
00:28:35Then realize there was a point.
00:28:36Forget about it, all right?
00:28:37No.
00:28:38All right, who are they?
00:28:39Friends of yours?
00:28:40No.
00:28:41This doesn't make any sense.
00:28:42I don't know.
00:28:43Look, they're just guys, all right?
00:28:44They're like bored frat guys.
00:28:45They're out on a drink.
00:28:46I don't know.
00:28:47I don't know.
00:28:48I don't know.
00:28:49I don't know.
00:28:50I don't know.
00:28:51I don't know.
00:28:52I don't know.
00:28:53I don't know.
00:28:54I don't know.
00:28:55Look, they're just guys, all right?
00:28:56They're like bored frat guys.
00:28:57They're out on a drinking binge looking for something to do, and somebody gave them a gun.
00:29:01I give up.
00:29:02Who do I want to blow?
00:29:03I don't know.
00:29:04See?
00:29:05Neither do I.
00:29:06You see, that was an essential part of their relationship, the conflict between fantasy
00:29:11and reality.
00:29:12Yeah, well, blowjobs are great, but not between two guys.
00:29:16This isn't about sex.
00:29:17That's not the point.
00:29:18Wrong.
00:29:19That is the point.
00:29:22What?
00:29:23Sex.
00:29:24You gotta have sex.
00:29:27Real sex.
00:29:29Sexy sex.
00:29:31What sex?
00:29:32Between a guy and a gal.
00:29:35Real sex?
00:29:37Yeah, like they watch.
00:29:40They watch.
00:29:43That's it.
00:29:44Make it all happen at the beach.
00:29:47The whole picture.
00:29:49You reshoot all the witnesses at the beach.
00:29:52You change the robbery to the beach.
00:29:55And you make Miranda a sexy, sexy lifeguard.
00:29:59And you send it to me, sealed with a kiss, and I'll get back to you.
00:30:05All you wanted was sex.
00:30:06Sex.
00:30:07Sex.
00:30:08Sex.
00:30:09Really?
00:30:10Ooh.
00:30:11That's three sexes.
00:30:12I always knew he was ambitious.
00:30:14This is very discouraging.
00:30:15What?
00:30:16Come on.
00:30:17You ready to give up already?
00:30:18Huh?
00:30:19I thought you were a toughie.
00:30:20I thought you had crust like me.
00:30:21That's what I always liked about you.
00:30:22Well, it's just not exactly what I expected.
00:30:24What did you expect?
00:30:25Somebody, the first time you meet them, they're going to give you money to make a fukaku little
00:30:28movie?
00:30:29Huh?
00:30:30Come here.
00:30:31Come here.
00:30:32Come on.
00:30:33Look, this is a tough town.
00:30:37Sweetheart, sit down.
00:30:39Sit down.
00:30:40It just seems like everyone wants to make a different movie than the one that I want
00:30:49to make.
00:30:50Hey.
00:30:51So what?
00:30:52That's the town.
00:30:53Everybody is a critic.
00:30:54They go to screens and they say, why wasn't so-and-so in that part?
00:30:58Why can't the ending be different?
00:31:00Come here.
00:31:01I'm going to set you up with Gus Schnuck, the king of schlock.
00:31:05He's not quite right for your picture, but he's not a critic.
00:31:08He wouldn't even pretend to know good from bad.
00:31:10Come on in.
00:31:11Come on in.
00:31:12What do you mean you never heard of a topless toga?
00:31:14What difference does it make?
00:31:15That woman's knockers are so big you couldn't cover them anyway.
00:31:18Hiya, George.
00:31:19Look, Harry.
00:31:20I'm sorry.
00:31:21We're going to have to talk about this later.
00:31:23I've got a meeting now.
00:31:24Yeah.
00:31:25Okay.
00:31:26Bye.
00:31:27Have a seat, please.
00:31:28Sit down.
00:31:29Meet my assistant.
00:31:30Okay.
00:31:31He started one of my worst pictures.
00:31:33Fuck you.
00:31:34You watch your mouth, you little shit.
00:31:36The picture was terrible, but it made a fortune.
00:31:38He thinks he should get all the money.
00:31:40I'm a star.
00:31:41I'm a star.
00:31:42Shut up.
00:31:43That's a beautiful bird.
00:31:46So, pick up where you left off.
00:31:48You're making this movie now about an armed robbery, the American Dream, your cousin Jimmy.
00:31:52Around that time, almost everyone was talking about McClintock's peach.
00:31:56Peaches are good for you.
00:31:57They're healthy.
00:31:58Go to any health food store, they'll tell you.
00:32:00Peaches are number one.
00:32:01And these, kissed by God.
00:32:03I hate peaches.
00:32:04Not just McClintock's peaches, but all peaches.
00:32:07After all, if there weren't any peaches, Dwayne Allman would be alive today.
00:32:12The whole town had a fruit syndrome that infected everyone, particularly Jimmy and Virus.
00:32:19You could say that Virus caught a Virus.
00:32:22Excuse me, young lady.
00:32:23Is the owner in?
00:32:24Oh.
00:32:25Good Lord, broke the mold with you two.
00:32:27Well, I'll just put in a French loaf and a couple muffins for you.
00:32:43Miranda was in earlier.
00:32:48Huh.
00:32:49Why don't you just quit your fussing and marry that girl?
00:32:52I did.
00:32:54Oh.
00:32:55And you?
00:32:58You ought to get yourself a steady.
00:33:00Because you're gonna catch something that won't wash off.
00:33:04You don't want to grow old alone.
00:33:07No, ma'am.
00:33:08335.
00:33:13When I lost Walter, my life went into a tailspin.
00:33:23I really do miss that man.
00:33:26You know, we did such good business here before McClintock's opened.
00:33:30Can't compete with that God-kissed peach.
00:33:34Hi.
00:33:35McClintock's.
00:33:36Well, McClintock's is really the lifeblood of this town.
00:33:40You know, in large part, that's because of these peaches.
00:33:44These are some of the best peaches in the world.
00:33:46They're really kind of God-kissed, you know?
00:33:49Listen, they pumped the revenue right into this city.
00:33:51Did you get that?
00:33:53You see, the thing is, every city, every major city has that one special attraction.
00:33:58You know, New York has the Statue of Liberty and San Antonio has the, you know, the Alamo.
00:34:03We have peaches.
00:34:05Now this peach.
00:34:06Did you get that?
00:34:08Are we in front?
00:34:09This peach?
00:34:10It's eaten by President Ronald Reagan.
00:34:14He came to this city just for the peaches.
00:34:18Actually, well, I think actually he was lost.
00:34:22But the point is that he took one bite of that peach and, well, he had to leave.
00:34:29But I was fortunate because I grabbed that peach before he left.
00:34:33And it's a little rotted now, you can probably see.
00:34:36But those are his actual teeth marks.
00:34:39I'm pretty sure they were his real teeth.
00:34:43Excuse me, Sarah.
00:34:44Who do you see as a peach expert?
00:34:46Ben Stiller.
00:34:47What are you, a casting director?
00:34:49That's exactly who I saw.
00:34:51Really?
00:34:52Go on.
00:34:53Ben Stiller.
00:34:54Ben Stiller.
00:34:55Not you, you dummy.
00:34:57Her.
00:34:58Please.
00:34:59Fuck you.
00:35:00I'm a star.
00:35:01Ben Stiller.
00:35:02I'm warning you.
00:35:03You're right on the edge.
00:35:04You're gonna get it.
00:35:05I'm sorry.
00:35:06Please, go ahead.
00:35:07As I was saying, by now, Jimmy and Virus had zeroed in on McClintocks, but they were
00:35:12still afraid of getting caught.
00:35:13I feel really good about the plan.
00:35:15I really, you know, feel good about the whole thing.
00:35:18But I also feel like we're gonna get caught.
00:35:20No.
00:35:21Do not do that.
00:35:22Do not do that.
00:35:23Look, I feel like...
00:35:24I'm serious.
00:35:25Don't think that way.
00:35:26Look, I'm just saying...
00:35:27No.
00:35:28I know.
00:35:29You really don't get it, do you?
00:35:31Listen up, Skeeter.
00:35:32I'm gonna tell you once.
00:35:33If you think it, it will happen.
00:35:35Well, now, this Jimmy, could he go psycho like De Niro did at the end of Taxi Driver?
00:35:39You know, I mean, that's something I could sell.
00:35:41Uh, no.
00:35:42But he could.
00:35:43But he didn't.
00:35:44But you're writing it, so he could.
00:35:45But it's a true story, so he didn't.
00:35:46He didn't.
00:35:47Watch it.
00:35:48Watch it.
00:35:49Fuck you.
00:35:50Fuck me.
00:35:51Fuck you.
00:35:52Teach him one bad word and he goes nuts.
00:35:54Now, what about music?
00:35:55This Virus, he could be a musician, you know?
00:35:57Kids love music.
00:35:58I mean, soundtracks can put a movie into black even if it's a turkey, you know?
00:36:01Turkey!
00:36:02I got the music in me.
00:36:05I can feel it.
00:36:06I just gotta find it.
00:36:08We all do.
00:36:09No, we all don't.
00:36:11What you're feeling, you see, there's a euphoria that comes along with believing your own bullshit.
00:36:15That's what you're feeling, not the music in you.
00:36:18Well, we mock what we don't understand.
00:36:22You see, because the music, she's my lady.
00:36:26She's my muse.
00:36:28But she's got a whole lot of mean up under that skirt of hers.
00:36:34She taunts me.
00:36:36Sits at the end of the bar and just before we lock out, she's gone.
00:36:40She's like a cold cup of coffee.
00:36:43Sweet, sweet music.
00:36:46Jimmy and Virus had meticulously planned the robbery with detail and precision,
00:36:50asking all the tough questions.
00:36:52What does a professional robbery need for a robbery?
00:36:54You need a car and you need guns, that's about it.
00:36:56Mayonnaise?
00:36:57Watch this.
00:36:58I can get a car, but what about guns?
00:36:59Pepsi?
00:37:00Please.
00:37:01I get guns.
00:37:02You can get guns.
00:37:03You can get a car?
00:37:04I'll get guns.
00:37:05You can get a car?
00:37:06I can get guns.
00:37:07We got a car and we got guns.
00:37:08Sandwich?
00:37:09Car, guns, masks.
00:37:12Masks.
00:37:13Masks.
00:37:14And she's like, oh, I had trouble parking.
00:37:16It's like, there's hella parking outside.
00:37:18This is your idea for getting a car?
00:37:20What's your problem?
00:37:21I can rent a car and get guns, alright?
00:37:22Can you get guns, Nathan?
00:37:23It's not cool.
00:37:24Yeah.
00:37:25Don't.
00:37:26I don't know.
00:37:27I don't know.
00:37:28I don't know.
00:37:29I don't know.
00:37:30I don't know.
00:37:31I don't know.
00:37:32I don't know.
00:37:33I don't know.
00:37:34I don't know.
00:37:35I don't know.
00:37:36You got a car, okay?
00:37:37Sorry.
00:37:38I have to be sorry, but don't talk about guns.
00:37:40You know, it's like, huh?
00:37:41I mean, I would like to be in too sometimes.
00:37:43See, because she's a liar.
00:37:44Because some people lie.
00:37:45And she said, first, you remember when she was goth?
00:37:48She said she had dirty dirty.
00:37:50Bitch was in Hawaii.
00:37:51I know she was because she came back with a tan, and she was not taking cigarette breaks.
00:37:56because she was smoking weed because I know what weed smells like weed no that's not the point
00:38:00weed smells like no weed it's kind of like kind of like sour apple and it's also kind of like
00:38:07butter kind of like butter and pine you know like pine no not pine pine the point is you don't smoke
00:38:15weed at work you could smoke weed anywhere you don't smoke you smoke it on your time you don't
00:38:19smoke weed on my time you don't oh I'm sorry I'm sorry I'll call you back I'm sorry can I help you
00:38:28uh yes uh good afternoon uh we were quite taken with a Cap'n Amante we saw outside is that considered
00:38:34a midsize I know how it fails of course you do
00:38:47which car driver's license yes not on me you're gonna rent a car it's so funny to me
00:39:00how's that funny we can't rent we don't have money to rent you don't need money to rent you pay when
00:39:06you return what if we don't get money then we don't return that's what they got insurance for
00:39:11insurance is bullshit good hands hand job reach around bullshit I still don't see how renting is
00:39:19funny well it's not funny it's cheating funny and cheating are synonyms whatever whatever good
00:39:26response I guess you win I'll just get Miranda's car she's pissed at you we need a car why don't
00:39:33they steal a car I mean all they do is talk not enough action too much talk
00:39:37I warned you you shut up now look where's the action the car chases the broads the
00:39:44the IRS I told you never never to mention that the IRS the IRS all right that's it now I'm gonna get
00:39:53you
00:39:53parrott's got his number the parrot picture made him big money
00:40:03so he's afraid the parrott's gonna ride him out to the IRS but he can't kill him
00:40:07because he needs him for the sequel is everybody in this town nuts 90 percent
00:40:12hmm I got a new strategy for us this lady gave me my last job right she's now big executive networks
00:40:21I don't know maybe this could work as a movie to week doctor drama hmm darling I can't make it a
00:40:29moment before nine okay go on Jimmy and virus only days away from the robbery it was clear
00:40:37there was only one thing they could do to stop them themselves stop right there do you have any
00:40:44stars attached no then you're going to need a strong female lead this woman is she more than
00:40:52just a run-of-the-mill wife girlfriend mistress hooker with a heart of gold you want a chick flick
00:40:56I'll give you a chick flick oh she's strong all right and there's a lot more where that came
00:41:01from I told you Jimmy get the fuck out of here
00:41:04I'm serious get out so she's strong what about love is she in love oh there's love
00:41:14I got robbed the other day good you deserve it now just get out no you're right I promise I'm gonna
00:41:20change but it's a promise wait what did you just call me pudding pudding no no no you don't have
00:41:25the right to call me pudding no more pudding okay it used to be cute it's not cute anymore Jimmy
00:41:30it's not cute about pudding that's cute pudding shut up all right look Jimmy I can't take this anymore
00:41:39okay it's been like a year right you watch videos all night you sleep all day then you hang out with
00:41:44virus I need more you know that so just leave me be okay do us both a favor just get out of my life
00:41:50I need to borrow the car what I need to borrow the car well no you can't you can't borrow my car
00:42:03your car yeah my car the car you're so fucking gangly oh you are so beautiful oh Jesus Christ
00:42:14what are you doing get away I've missed you so much I don't give a fuck there's I have somebody
00:42:19over here you can't come and don't don't touch me makes me want puke when you touch me get the fuck
00:42:25off me they're star-crossed lovers and they're sex
00:42:55so can I get those guns now I hope Jennifer told you I don't deal in any of that Saturday night
00:43:06special nonsense I've got clean out of state barely been used product high resale value
00:43:16now yeah they might seem a little big but they're not you show me some patients I get
00:43:25you a Smith and Wesson 38 basically snub no service revolvers get the job done 38s are not as big as these
00:43:31yeah hello ladies
00:43:38you laughing at me huh huh you laughing at me what am I a clown do I amuse you I'm what I'm funny now huh
00:43:50you must be laughing at me I don't see anybody else around here you're mixing your movies dipshit
00:43:53what you're mixing your movies no I'm not how the fuck do I amuse you huh that's Joe Pesci
00:44:02no Pesci with a taxi driver that's what I'm saying you're mixing your movies no I'm not whatever
00:44:09whatever good response I guess you win you know uh Jennifer said you'd have 32 revolvers
00:44:16something what Jennifer told me earlier that you have 32 revolvers Jennifer told me earlier you have
00:44:2532 revolvers Jennifer told me earlier you have 32 revolvers but guess what ass face I'm doing you a
00:44:28favor I could get rid of these guns for at least 300 a piece tonight you know what I'll take those yeah yeah
00:44:37you will 600 bucks first of the month don't mind me come looking for you kiss great I'm keeping the jacket
00:44:42you're gonna keep the jacket great go on get out of here I got work to do
00:44:47so we have sex love a felony and guns I love guns but I'm not sure I buy the bit about getting the guns from the
00:45:04girlfriend oh well I interviewed a gun expert oh I'm all ears tell me more you should buy from a
00:45:16license dealer like me but you can get guns anyway you want to feel one well you don't have cold steel
00:45:26relaxing against the fleshy part of your finger and you just ain't lie it's hard and shiny and it has
00:45:34beautiful curls and it won't yell at you when you're bad and it won't spank you for talking back no
00:45:41and it's your friend your best friend you want to hold one you know guns are what made this country great
00:45:53don't you agree oh well I'd rather not I don't believe in guns well you know you don't know what
00:46:03it's like until you you touch the love shaft of mr. Smith and mr. West actually being a girl it's
00:46:12all right for me not to be into guns what do you mean being a girl that's all the more reason you need
00:46:17one all these crazies in the streets you want to be raped no you carry a gun and you hold it in your
00:46:24arms and you suck on a barrel like it's your mama's titties I really don't want to do this what
00:46:32oh that must have been heaven what feeling the gun and actually having it go off in your hand
00:46:47well actually it scared me to death
00:46:51you mean you don't like guns
00:46:55does that mean you don't want me to continue
00:47:04eight did I mention I saw Ben Stiller as the peach expert love you too darling bye
00:47:13maybe we should go the indie route you can't get a studio picture made these days
00:47:23would have big stars yet that has nothing to do with whether the film makes money or loses money
00:47:27it's all about keeping your job what do you mean well let's say you got a terrific screen right
00:47:31but you put two morons jimmy and virus in it right no studio's gonna go for that why because the film
00:47:37loses money then the executive who gave the green light it's gonna lose his job on the other hand
00:47:41you get tom hanks or whoever else is the flavor to money then the film tanks it's tom hanks
00:47:46or even better yet the director I've got Ben Stiller oh very nice that's good that's a start
00:47:54so what do I do
00:47:55yeah oh Phil yeah look I got my I no no no I know we got this
00:48:04uh Phil hold on for a second okay listen this is a long shot yeah I'll call you right back
00:48:11just stay where you are don't move okay bye I don't know why I didn't think about this before
00:48:18that's my bookie he's got a network he puts money in a lot of independent movies
00:48:23your bookie well he books for all the writers a good friend of mine couldn't pay him right
00:48:29so he gave him a script picture became a huge hit the guy is now hooked on movies
00:48:33hi I'm Sarah Wilder I'm here to see Phil Phillips hey Phil I'm Miss Sarah Wilder here to see you
00:48:43go ahead
00:48:45Sarah Wilder any friend of Lou's is a friend of mine actually I'm his niece I know that
00:48:57so Lou told me a little bit about this picture are there any cars in it yes
00:49:02yeah you did
00:49:05you know blue smoke played with group grass boys really I mean he could have
00:49:12somebody's got the music in him
00:49:16not anymore let's see him
00:49:20just drive I'm doing stuff over here you couldn't even comprehend
00:49:26barretta nine millimeter
00:49:27this makes it official oh yeah we're crooks
00:49:31this is cool
00:49:3245 lucky that's an expensive gun
00:49:38only two things nicer than an expensive gun that'd be your Swiss watch and your pretty girl
00:49:42what's that pretty girl's name is it pretty is it pretty
00:49:44yeah jolly yeah jolly down the ditch jolly jolly down the ditch now
00:49:48that never happens again
00:49:53never
00:49:55we live and die by the risk of the heist what we live and die by the risk of the heist what does that mean right now nothing how'd they get this car it was Miranda's car Jimmy's wife they didn't steal it or jack it no let me get this
00:50:16straight they're planning a robbery and they're gonna use a car that belongs to his wife what are they idiots
00:50:23they aren't the two brightest guys in the world
00:50:25hero okay good one uh we get in there and there's a dumb guy wants to be a hero
00:50:30okay how dumb we talking all right everything's going as planned right smooth as silk just like clockwork all of a sudden some guy hops up off the floor and figures hey this is a good time to get in the newspapers I'll foil this robbery
00:50:41I'm a hero I'm a hero react oh yeah oh yeah yeah all right you better just dial it down all right just dial it down numbnuts before Mr. Thundermaker starts shitting some bullets
00:50:59don't worry take it pick another one okay this is going great thank you you're doing well thank you
00:51:05pregnant woman's water poops pops pops
00:51:07oh my god I'm having my baby I'm having my baby
00:51:16blanket of napalm
00:51:19yes
00:51:24yes
00:51:26morons this picture's about two morons
00:51:30well Jimmy and Virus had practiced and rehearsed the robbery for days
00:51:34it was the hardest work they'd done since well ever and there was no turning back
00:51:39this was it
00:51:39their moment of truth
00:51:41we just parked the car we walked the block the location we walked slow we're just two guys walking
00:51:45whatever we see cops it doesn't matter we're just two guys walking we're just two guys that happen to be walking
00:51:48we determine the area secure then we move forward we're at the entrance we pull out the guns we run in we grab the money we run out
00:51:53how long are we going to be there two minutes two minutes tops
00:51:55not two and a half not three two minutes
00:51:57let's try one
00:51:58we're Cali yet
00:51:59we're Cali yet
00:52:00we're Cali yet
00:52:01we're Cali yet
00:52:02we're Cali yet
00:52:03we're Cali yet
00:52:04we're Cali yet
00:52:05we're Cali yet
00:52:06my styles are wild like we both nights on a Saturday night
00:52:08I keep them in twilight positions right at night
00:52:10got lips is weighing in and I'm like a featherweight fight
00:52:14you ready?
00:52:15candy from a baby
00:52:16honey mark
00:52:17get set
00:52:18go
00:52:19what's the name of this store please?
00:52:26McClintock's Grocery
00:52:29thank you
00:52:30we're here
00:52:32they've just done some remodeling
00:52:33that's nice
00:52:34not necessary
00:52:36alright listen up people
00:52:38this is a robbery
00:52:39we don't want any trouble
00:52:41so if you want to be stupid
00:52:43let's do it now
00:52:44and get it over with
00:52:46look
00:52:47look
00:52:48nobody plays tough guy but me
00:52:50alright
00:52:51we have a gun
00:52:52and we got a car
00:52:53okay
00:52:54so we live and die by the risk of the heist
00:52:56hey
00:52:57fellas
00:52:58there's no need for all the shouting
00:53:00if you're here for the peaches
00:53:02I'm sure we can work something out
00:53:04I think I'm speaking for the group
00:53:06when I say nobody here wants to take a bullet
00:53:09I know I don't
00:53:10hey
00:53:11you need to do some shopping?
00:53:12great time
00:53:15look he's cool
00:53:16let's go huh
00:53:17just like we planned
00:53:18look wipe that curly joe smile off your stupid melon
00:53:20and just open the register
00:53:21now you don't have to take that Lawrence
00:53:23shut up
00:53:24you apron wearing fake tooth pie baking wonder
00:53:27wait hey hey hey no
00:53:28whoa whoa whoa come on
00:53:29you don't have to be mean they'll do what we say
00:53:30we got guns
00:53:32back off you bean pole ichabod cream motherfucker
00:53:35I don't remember rehearsing this part
00:53:37this whole thing was your idea
00:53:38so if I don't meet your expectation
00:53:39to what a professional grocery store robber should be
00:53:41I'd like to take this time to apologize in front of all the fine folks here at McClintock's
00:53:46hey everybody
00:53:47peaches on me
00:53:52hey
00:53:53uh
00:53:54well we're a little behind
00:53:56but we're still professionals
00:53:58we deserve better than this
00:54:00no you don't
00:54:01but you know what does
00:54:03this cow
00:54:04this cow deserves better than this
00:54:06you and your big McClintock's market
00:54:09I got raw meat
00:54:10I am crazy
00:54:11so let's make with that cash and coin colonel Tom
00:54:13I'd do it he ain't right
00:54:14come on all of it
00:54:15safe to
00:54:16you wanna pitch in and help out with that
00:54:17alright now see this is why
00:54:19I wanted you to go to the bank
00:54:21there's no time for that dear now
00:54:22these fellas seem to be in a hurry
00:54:23no you had to watch the dog
00:54:24let's all pitch in
00:54:25come on
00:54:26jeez
00:54:27come on
00:54:28there's a few more dollars
00:54:29we're gonna save to give to the church
00:54:30but you might as well take the whole thing
00:54:32take us home
00:54:38clean
00:54:39that's it
00:54:40let's go
00:54:41nah
00:54:44thanks a lot
00:54:45appreciate it
00:54:46morons
00:54:47these are the two dumbest guys I ever heard of
00:54:49it appeared that Jimmy and Virus had actually pulled off a successful robbery without getting caught
00:54:54anything to do with McClintock's was a big story in town
00:54:58so tell us were you at the robbery or not
00:55:01yeah
00:55:02yeah I was there okay is that what you want to hear
00:55:07I was there in the store when the three guys burst in wearing ski masks pointing guns and shouting
00:55:11okay
00:55:12we were there and I didn't see a lot you see a lot
00:55:15no I didn't really see a lot
00:55:17no
00:55:18no
00:55:19well I thought they were after the missus at first I didn't know what was going on
00:55:22my first thought of course was was the peaches
00:55:24and then I thought the missus because you never know what two men like this desperate are gonna do with a beautiful young woman like this
00:55:30he didn't get a good see him you know a good eyeball of him if you will you know on account of the
00:55:37circumstances
00:55:38circumstances
00:55:39yeah
00:55:40who might get in the eye you know let's talk turkey I'm a freak
00:55:43well I remember them I remember that day was really a bad day for me because I was here by myself
00:55:50because somebody else wasn't here with me so it was all different so I remember that day was really distinctly
00:55:57I'd stick the peaches up my ass if it would do something sir
00:56:01that's for that
00:56:03I'd have a whole crate up my rectal vault if I meant that I didn't have this frickin' eye
00:56:07okay I stole five peaches is that it is that what you want to hear I stole five peaches all right
00:56:14what did you want me to do they were rolling around the floor like a bunch of alleys what was I supposed to do
00:56:19everybody was taking them the Samoan took three
00:56:24yeah there was a Samoan
00:56:26yeah I'm pretty sure
00:56:28a really big Filipino
00:56:31excuse me
00:56:34mm-hmm
00:56:35Jack
00:56:36yeah
00:56:37mm-hmm
00:56:38mm-hmm
00:56:39mm-hmm
00:56:40Big Sky Jim in the fourth mm-hmm
00:56:43something fishy okay
00:56:45no more action in the fourth
00:56:48excuse me
00:56:50anyway the initial 48 hours after the robbery were crucial
00:56:53how Jimmy and virus would act would either mean a successful getaway or prison
00:56:58the what
00:57:00yeah
00:57:01being pulled ichabod crane motherfucker
00:57:06yeah I wanted to uh
00:57:08talk to you about that because we should definitely discuss that
00:57:12yeah because I got really swept up in the moment and I'm not proud of it but the guy in that store
00:57:20standing on that counter and just shouting berating you and the guy sitting on this counter
00:57:27um talking to you um are two different guys
00:57:34where's the fella done all the hollering love to have a little chinwag with him
00:57:38well
00:57:40he asked me to tell you that he's sorry
00:57:43and he won't be coming around here anymore I know that much
00:57:46that
00:57:48you can
00:57:50he and he also
00:57:52asked me
00:57:54to give you this
00:57:56a little bit that
00:57:58that's what he was
00:58:00you should tell him thank you
00:58:08definitely will
00:58:10and I would also like to take you out
00:58:13to dinner or something like that
00:58:15you know
00:58:16I can't even believe we're having this conversation
00:58:18look me in the eye and tell me
00:58:20I've never ever slept with Miranda
00:58:25I don't believe you
00:58:27I give up
00:58:29you give up because you know I'm right
00:58:31do you honestly think
00:58:33that if I'd ever had sex with her even before we met I wouldn't have brought it up
00:58:36that sucks
00:58:38let's talk about something else
00:58:39no
00:58:40no
00:58:41no
00:58:42no
00:58:43no
00:58:44just stop it
00:58:46just put it out of your mind
00:58:48and think about Kennedy
00:58:49taking a bullet to the back of the head
00:58:51it's science
00:58:52valid science
00:58:53it's been proven
00:58:54you're a dick
00:58:55I'm a dick
00:58:56you're a dick
00:58:57then you're my balls
00:58:58sunshine
00:58:59quick ashtray
00:59:00thank you
00:59:02Sean Connery
00:59:04why Sean Connery
00:59:06it's the only answer
00:59:07how do you figure
00:59:09okay
00:59:13you're out at some abandoned warehouse right
00:59:15these guys
00:59:16got a gun to your head
00:59:17cause you gotta blow one of them
00:59:18bring me Sean Connery
00:59:20then
00:59:21before you begin the actual blow
00:59:23you look up at Sean like
00:59:24okay Sean
00:59:25I'm gonna give you the signal
00:59:27we drop these guys
00:59:28and get the hell out of here
00:59:29it's foolproof
00:59:32yeah
00:59:33uh
00:59:34what if Sean's not with you?
00:59:36at least you're blowing one of the grapes huh?
00:59:41this is a fucked up conversation
00:59:43hey Phil
00:59:44somebody here to see you
00:59:45who?
00:59:46Frankie C
00:59:47Frankie C
00:59:48jesus christ send him back
00:59:50Frankie you son of a bitch
00:59:53where are you doing?
00:59:54that was a great
00:59:55mwah
00:59:56mwah
00:59:57say hello to Sarah
00:59:58no no
00:59:59you stay
01:00:00she's telling me about this movie
01:00:03she's got this movie idea
01:00:04you know
01:00:05she's Lou's niece
01:00:06you remember Lou?
01:00:07nice guy
01:00:08anyway
01:00:09she's telling me this story about her idiot cousin
01:00:10go ahead
01:00:11tell him
01:00:12they just knocked off a peach store
01:00:14actually it's a grocery store that specialized in peaches
01:00:17whatever
01:00:18whatever go ahead
01:00:19you can't tell me you don't think about getting caught
01:00:26what are you doing?
01:00:28i asked you not to do that
01:00:30you can't tell me you don't think about it
01:00:32that's great
01:00:33thanks a lot
01:00:34you jinxed us
01:00:35that's
01:00:36man
01:00:37sorry
01:00:38don't touch me
01:00:39where are you going?
01:00:47i'm leaving
01:00:48you tainted the roof
01:00:49now i can never come up here again
01:00:50and i paid my rent
01:00:52we're not jinxed
01:00:54turn to the right
01:01:01when i first heard jimmy was involved
01:01:04i didn't want to believe it
01:01:06i don't even know what you guys are doing
01:01:08i don't even know what you guys are doing here
01:01:09cause uh... jimmy and i are completely done
01:01:11we were totally separated so
01:01:13i don't really have anything to tell you
01:01:20okay wait wait wait wait wait
01:01:22so you're
01:01:23gonna send those pictures to the cops
01:01:25jimmy's gonna love this
01:01:26what are you kidding me?
01:01:27the cops are looking all over for me right?
01:01:29so by sending them pictures it shows i'm not scared
01:01:31it's the risk of the hunt baby
01:01:33do not baby me
01:01:35are you insane?
01:01:36they see the photos with me and you
01:01:39and they're gonna put two and two together
01:01:40it's me they're after
01:01:41that's right
01:01:42i don't even know you
01:01:43that's right you don't know me
01:01:44why are you advertising our affiliation?
01:01:48patty patty sweet
01:01:49innocent patty
01:01:50look i want you to know that no matter what happens to me
01:01:53i'm not gonna forget about you
01:01:56where are you from?
01:01:57what are you not understanding?
01:01:59they see the photos with me on your lap
01:02:01god i know this is tough for you
01:02:03god
01:02:04you know but i need you to stand tall and be strong and know
01:02:07that no matter what happens all right when a tear runs down your face it's not a tear
01:02:11it's me just saying i love you
01:02:13do you understand what i'm saying?
01:02:14okay
01:02:15yeah i think i get it now
01:02:16great
01:02:17okay
01:02:18well
01:02:19i gotta run
01:02:20pretty nice
01:02:21hello
01:02:36yes who am i speaking with please
01:02:38well hello officer sturgis this is dick pangle and i need you to do me a favor if you could
01:02:43come and find me you fat donut eating wife beating sad excuse for a cop
01:02:4710-4 10-4 10-4
01:02:51take off the glasses
01:02:59uh excuse me uh but this guy uh cyrus
01:03:04virus his name's virus
01:03:06yeah virus cyrus yeah yeah you say he went to the cops
01:03:08morons i told you
01:03:10well not exactly everyone had their own opinion on that
01:03:13feats of courage combined with nobility of purpose that's what these boys are about
01:03:19you you they they don't sit there in judgment judging other people's idiosyncrasies they're
01:03:25confident you what do you do you ask questions they don't ask questions they give answers they do
01:03:31something you would do well to be more like them
01:03:34that boy just wasn't right in the head
01:03:36he used to come in here all the time and just be you know handling the breads
01:03:41of course when he was little he sure did fall down a lot when his daddy was home
01:03:48virus i don't know him
01:03:51so what do you think motivated him to rob mcclintox
01:03:54i said i know him i'm not his mama
01:03:56you know virus and i have this really special connection that um that jimmy just he can't
01:04:02understand it you know what i mean he's so lost
01:04:05you know this place wouldn't be so depressing if you guys just chose a different color scheme
01:04:11maybe get away from your pastels because a dark color in a dark place that equals equals dark
01:04:18you guys need to get brighter
01:04:22your yellows burst of orange blues make a man stay go quicker you know truman i'd be willing to sit down with your commanding officer and discuss it with him if you think it would help move things along a bit whatever whatever good response i guess you win right
01:04:38uh
01:04:55got your letter
01:04:57see you met truman
01:05:00you asshole you got us caught you got us caught you jinxed us
01:05:03as your attorney
01:05:05i should tell you that this is my first case and i'm at a loss for words i have no idea what to do
01:05:12and that worries me
01:05:14is everybody in this picture an idiot
01:05:16i was just trying to tell the story like how it happened
01:05:18nobody could be that stupid
01:05:20well you had to know him especially jimmy
01:05:22that's his nature you see they're very good people
01:05:24they just got in trouble for the wrong reasons
01:05:27and that's the point i want to make in the film
01:05:29if this goes to trial we'll need to create some doubt
01:05:32we need people to speak on your behalf and no one's willing to do that
01:05:35oh there's gonna be somebody
01:05:37they're wonder they're mentioned you know what a mensch is that's what those boys are
01:05:42you would do well to be more like them
01:05:44you're boring
01:05:45you they're on the roof
01:05:46what what are you saying
01:05:48you on the roof we need you to come down now
01:05:50what are you my three i'm sorry i think it's my three o'clock
01:05:55are you the goodmans
01:05:57yes we're the goodman i'm sarah this is my husband lester now please come down off the roof
01:06:03i'm sorry that's my three o'clock okay i'll be there in a jiffy okay
01:06:08see either you got it or you don't got it
01:06:12and this kid virus he sure don't got it
01:06:15you know jimmy pretty much did the whole thing to impress me
01:06:18i mean he's just sort of driven by his love for me
01:06:22and he's so gangly you know it's like a little thin i don't know anyway
01:06:27mclintocks are well respected in the community
01:06:30and you two have pissed off that community
01:06:33those god-kissed peaches put this city on the map
01:06:36they said let's have everything in the in the safe
01:06:39well i i handed to them they were out the door and i wanted to say
01:06:42i let you down i didn't give you everything i had in the safe
01:06:46and i was going to run after them and the missus said no uh
01:06:49they made their bed let them lie in it
01:06:51no we added that to the insurance
01:06:53gentlemen i've gone over your case almost three times
01:07:00and i'm sorry to say but i don't see any loopholes
01:07:03there's no way around this evidence
01:07:04you're going to be in here for a while
01:07:06either you were born with the gift or you're not
01:07:09i hate to break it to you you were born without the gift
01:07:13oh sinner man can't you hear me say
01:07:20oh god
01:07:22oh so you're jealous
01:07:25yeah you're jealous because i unleashed the music in me
01:07:28i unleashed the music in me
01:07:30kill me
01:07:31somebody anybody
01:07:33please kill me
01:07:35all right lights out
01:07:37that means you
01:07:40oh and uh whose bright idea was it to send those photographs to the police
01:07:50they knew you were mocking them
01:07:52yes i know virus
01:07:55yes we slept together
01:07:57i got it lit
01:07:58great
01:07:59and yes that may be me in the picture with him
01:08:01but the money i was counting is my money money i busted my ass
01:08:05quit it
01:08:06the money i busted my ass to get
01:08:08i'm not gonna bullshit you
01:08:10quit
01:08:11i'm sorry
01:08:12you're not sorry you always fucking keep at me and at me you're picking at me
01:08:16i wanted to touch you
01:08:17just shut up
01:08:18you fucking retard
01:08:20i'm not retarded
01:08:21look i'm not you are retarded
01:08:22no i'm not
01:08:23you are retarded
01:08:24i've got some some schooling
01:08:26i've got some schooling
01:08:29don't lose hope fellas
01:08:30because listen from what i've heard
01:08:32there's a judge in the fifth circuit court who can maybe get you a lighter sentence
01:08:36maybe as little as eight years
01:08:41jimmy and virus tried to make the best of their incarceration
01:08:44they started a congenial con policy and tried to meet at least one new felon a day
01:08:48with this new approach they met arsonists armed robbers and even some interesting murderers
01:08:54hey are you harold gag?
01:08:57he wants to know
01:08:58my name's jimmy
01:08:59oh
01:09:01you know you and your buddy rob mclintox
01:09:03yeah
01:09:04that took balls
01:09:05yeah
01:09:06i say harold
01:09:10uh...
01:09:11what if i ask you a question
01:09:13no
01:09:14i didn't kill my grandma
01:09:16i know i talked a lot about it
01:09:18i even write about it in my journal
01:09:20but that's because that's what i am
01:09:22a writer
01:09:23not a killer
01:09:24now that i'm in here i can write all i want
01:09:27past the time i do a bit of reading too
01:09:30i read
01:09:31i read
01:09:32i'm a reader
01:09:38you look like joe perry from aerosmith
01:09:43uh... what kind of stuff you read?
01:09:45you know i like to read a lot of books about leadership and free thinking
01:09:50they taught me
01:09:51they taught me to realize just what i am
01:09:53you know
01:09:54yeah i do know
01:09:55yeah
01:09:56i mean it's your life you want to live it on your terms right?
01:09:57yeah i think of myself as a sure thinker
01:09:59you know
01:10:00a leader
01:10:01you know
01:10:02my grandma though man she was always telling me what to do you know
01:10:05i hated that
01:10:06i don't like people telling me what to do
01:10:07i'm the same way
01:10:08finally i meet somebody who gets it
01:10:10yeah cause i'm a leader not a follower
01:10:12i don't follow
01:10:13i don't follow
01:10:14i lead
01:10:15i'm the same way
01:10:16did i kill my grandma?
01:10:18no
01:10:19no i didn't kill her man
01:10:22oh man but sometimes she just wouldn't let up you know
01:10:25follow me around the house like a parrot on my shoulder you know
01:10:29into my ear every five minutes you know
01:10:31don't forget to dot your i's
01:10:32don't forget to cross your t's you know
01:10:34she'd jump on a vein and suck it dry
01:10:37you know what i'm saying
01:10:38over and over
01:10:40tomato dumplings
01:10:43why would it
01:10:45why would any woman get up in the morning and decide that i like tomato dumplings
01:10:49what's up with that
01:10:50i never even knew what one was until it showed up on my plate huh
01:10:53what kind of sick game is she playing huh
01:10:55no i didn't kill her
01:10:57you know what whoever did kill her man
01:10:59they were right on man
01:11:01this journal
01:11:02this journal's my escape
01:11:04this journal's my way out huh
01:11:06the only way to keep my head clear is to write short stories about corking up her mouth hole huh
01:11:11what are you working on now
01:11:20what are you working on now
01:11:21oh it's a short story about my brother's wife
01:11:23it's called you and your goddamn pies
01:11:26okay i'm gonna step up for a minute
01:11:29what i gotta keep going
01:11:30uh harold i want you to have a very nice day
01:11:33it's supposed to rain
01:11:34hey
01:11:35yeah
01:11:36hey
01:11:37you know hitler was a leader
01:11:38okay
01:11:41are we rolling
01:11:43okay uh
01:11:44hey jimmy
01:11:45jimmy
01:11:46pay attention
01:11:47okay i want to ask you a question
01:11:49what
01:11:50what were you thinking
01:11:52what are you
01:11:54what are you
01:11:55look you know
01:11:56we weren't waiting around for any handouts
01:11:58if that's what you mean
01:11:59you know we saw what we wanted
01:12:00and we went out and took it
01:12:01that's what makes america america
01:12:03you see something you want
01:12:05and you figure out how to get it
01:12:07and i did what i did
01:12:09i didn't like people telling me what to do
01:12:11hey jimmy break's over
01:12:13you gotta prison the paint let's go
01:12:16well you know
01:12:18looking back on it now i suppose
01:12:20suppose i do some things differently
01:12:23you know i don't even know if i'd do it again
01:12:43what do you want
01:12:46what do you want
01:12:48well i wanted to see you
01:12:50and i figured you'd want to see me too
01:12:52why would i want to see you
01:12:54because uh you know he told me to get my shit together
01:12:57and i have
01:12:58you've been here five months
01:12:59you're in jail
01:13:00i don't call that getting your shit together
01:13:04i'm a professional
01:13:06and i wrote you a poem
01:13:08oh no don't
01:13:10you're not going to read it are you
01:13:11you're not going to read it are you
01:13:12jimmy jimmy
01:13:13you have sunk to new depths jimmy
01:13:15jimmy if you read that
01:13:16we are both going to be so embarrassed okay
01:13:20no we won't
01:13:21yes i will
01:13:22so if you want to give me something
01:13:23just just make me a license plate or something
01:13:27my miranda
01:13:29my jimmy cookie
01:13:32poor sweet thing
01:13:34i've put you through so much
01:13:36i want nothing more than just to feel your touch
01:13:39okay please don't do this jimmy
01:13:41jimmy please
01:13:42when i'm thinking of you and my heart is breaking
01:13:45they tell me to shut up get back to raking
01:13:48oh god
01:13:50so for the state in my filth i've wallowed
01:13:55and for you my love my pride i've swallowed
01:14:00okay that's that's just darling
01:14:02i think this can't be true
01:14:04i shouldn't be here
01:14:05i should be at home
01:14:07protecting you
01:14:09but i'm not
01:14:12oh my god i gotta get out of here
01:14:15car
01:14:16thanks for listening and making the long drive
01:14:18i really appreciate it
01:14:19careful on the drive home
01:14:21people are nuts out there
01:14:23okay i love you
01:14:33this summer virus comes over and he's like helping me paint the kitchen right and um
01:14:38jimmy gets in his head that uh i want to sleep with virus which would fucking kill virus right
01:14:43i mean he he's just so pathetic
01:14:50hey virus
01:14:52virus
01:14:53can you help me out here there's uh something i'm not clear on
01:14:56let's hear it
01:14:58was that me that was always thinking about us getting caught or was i the one who said if you think it it'll happen
01:15:03because uh i remember hearing it i just don't remember if that was me saying it to you or you saying it to me
01:15:10oh right right now i remember right right i was the one who said nothing exists thinking makes it so
01:15:17you were the one who kept willing us to get caught that's right now i got it right
01:15:23and did we get caught i forget
01:15:27sure sure we did right we're we're raking cause we have to not cause we enjoy it right
01:15:35we're in prison right now that's right
01:15:38that's right so i was right and you got us caught right that's right okay right
01:15:48hey virus do me a favor would you do not think about us dying a slow painful death in prison okay
01:15:54and above all don't think about what's in your heart of hearts your heart of hearts
01:15:59cause that's where us getting caught lives admit it rockstar you got us caught
01:16:06yeah i guess so
01:16:09oh what's that son i can't hear you what are you deaf son
01:16:13no i'm not deaf i was just thinking about fucking miranda
01:16:18the only thing that kept jimmy going was blaming virus for jinxing them and to get out by any means possible escape if necessary
01:16:35just a couple of cons with sweeping don't want no trouble here boss cause i'm just a sweeper
01:16:41look at all the trash
01:16:43you ready? i'm ready
01:16:45i'm ready
01:16:46i'm ready
01:16:47i'm ready
01:16:48i'm ready
01:16:49i'm ready
01:16:50get set
01:16:51go
01:16:53ready to go
01:16:56not yet
01:16:58not yet
01:17:00not yet
01:17:02oh damn
01:17:04damn
01:17:06Well, you said it wasn't electrified.
01:17:18I was kidding.
01:17:20I was kidding.
01:17:29I'm not going to bullshit you.
01:17:31I don't have the time.
01:17:32And if you fucking touch me, and you don't have the film,
01:17:36but if you need some, I can hook you up.
01:17:39Not good film, though.
01:17:41It's a really cheap film.
01:17:43Yeah, take it from a retard.
01:17:44Cheap.
01:17:45He knows about film quality.
01:17:46I do.
01:17:47I'm a savant.
01:17:51There you go, make a wish.
01:17:56Nah, I still got the fucking eye.
01:17:58Yeah, I was there.
01:17:59I'm really glad those guys Rob McClintock's.
01:18:02As far as I'm concerned, those boys did a service to the community.
01:18:05Those boys are heroes.
01:18:07Jimmy and Virus' big day finally arrived.
01:18:10Their first meeting in front of the parole board.
01:18:13Well, I hope you've learned a few things while you're in here in the last six months.
01:18:17Absolutely.
01:18:18Sure did.
01:18:19All right, I'll take that as a yes.
01:18:21Yes.
01:18:22Okay.
01:18:24And since neither of you actually use any live ammo, I suppose we have no choice but to reluctantly return you to society.
01:18:36We, uh, never intended to harm anyone.
01:18:40We respect that and appreciate your honesty.
01:18:43Now once you go through that door to the outside, I don't want to see you back in here again.
01:18:49Not while I'm here.
01:18:51And I'm going to be here.
01:18:53All right, that's all.
01:18:55Get up.
01:18:57Goodbye.
01:18:58Goodbye.
01:19:06What if they can't find Sean Connery?
01:19:08Then it's considered a forfeit.
01:19:10Come on.
01:19:11That doesn't make any sense.
01:19:12And I'd pick Churchill, you know?
01:19:15Everybody picks some guy they know they can't get.
01:19:17That's cheating.
01:19:19You're making up these rules as you go along, I think.
01:19:21That's your opinion.
01:19:23Come on.
01:19:24You're making up the rules.
01:19:25Got you a little something-something.
01:19:27What?
01:19:29Thanks.
01:19:30Wow!
01:19:31A Mississippi Blue Smokalotica.
01:19:34Yeah.
01:19:35But these are commemoratives.
01:19:36They only made a million of these.
01:19:38I was able to track one down.
01:19:40Wow.
01:19:41I'm going to head in.
01:19:42Uh, let her know I'm home.
01:19:43Show her this.
01:19:45Oh, she's going to love that.
01:19:47I got a feeling she is.
01:19:48Yeah.
01:19:49I'll get down.
01:19:50All right, take care.
01:19:51Yeah.
01:20:08This is the right thing?
01:20:09You be strong.
01:20:10See ya, man.
01:20:11Yeah, seriously.
01:20:12It's been fun.
01:20:13Had a blast.
01:20:14Right back at you.
01:20:17Take it easy.
01:20:18Me too.
01:20:19I'll do it again.
01:20:27Good luck.
01:20:49I told you, Jimmy.
01:20:50Get the fuck out of here!
01:20:51I'm serious!
01:20:52Get out!
01:20:53Oh, I'm just gonna look over here.
01:20:54I like it.
01:20:55I'm just gonna look over here.
01:20:56I like it.
01:20:57So, that's it.
01:20:58I'm just gonna look over here.
01:20:59I like it.
01:21:00So, that's how it got me.
01:21:01It might not be the best for you.
01:21:02It might not be the best for you.
01:21:03I like it.
01:21:04It might not be the best film in the world, but it's my first film and I got it made.
01:21:19I love Frankie and Phil for giving me a chance, and of course, my Uncle Lou.
01:21:20So, if you're someone like me who wants to make a movie, find an Uncle Lou.
01:21:24Or better yet, find a bookie who has an auto repair shop who loves the movie.
01:21:28It might not be the best film in the world, but it's my first film, and I got it made.
01:21:33I love Frankie and Phil for giving me a chance, and of course, my Uncle Lou.
01:21:37So if you're someone like me who wants to make a movie, find an Uncle Lou.
01:21:41Or better yet, find a bookie who has an auto repair shop who loves the movie.
01:21:47Uncle Lou!
01:21:49We did it!
01:21:51Sweetheart, you did it.
01:21:54Remember, nobody knows anything.
01:21:58You're killing me here, Phil.
01:22:03Uncle Lou, you're like a bank, you always pay off.
01:22:05Ha ha ha ha, you're killing me, you know that?
01:22:08You're busting my balls.
01:22:08Get a good count.
01:22:10I got the big wish covered, don't worry, but I can't.
01:22:12It's all right, I love you anyway.
01:22:13You, don't touch.
01:22:17It's all there.
01:22:18Wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:22:19You're too short.
01:22:20I'm about to face off in time, cause nobody knows what the future holds.
01:22:23Nobody knows anything till it goes and takes off to the next level of the game.
01:22:27Until then, you don't know a damn thing.
01:22:30Sometimes in life there's questions nobody knows.
01:22:34How to explain the things that nobody knows.
01:22:38People these days, they play and act like you know.
01:22:42But nobody, not even you, baby.
01:22:44Nobody knows.
01:22:46Sometimes in life there's questions nobody knows.
01:22:50How to explain the things that nobody knows.
01:22:55People these days, they play and act like you know.
01:22:58But nobody, not even you, woman.
01:23:01Nobody knows.
01:23:01That was the news.
01:23:02always know.
01:23:02Always know.
01:23:15Every day in life there's no doubt there's no doubt there's no doubt there.
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