- 6/15/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:30Hey, Joe.
00:41What do you know?
00:42How can I pull him up?
01:12What do you got for me?
01:34Three dead, two females, and a male floating in a hot tub at the old Quinlan estate.
01:39Jesus Christ, what the hell are they doing up there?
01:42You're going to love this.
01:44They were all actors, and they were all electrocuted.
01:47They can eat the deaths on film?
01:48We're not that lucky.
01:51Who's the director?
01:52Roman Fields.
01:54Fields.
01:55That greasy suck bag.
01:57He's always in some kind of trouble.
01:59Well, let's get up there and check it out.
02:01Sounds good.
02:07All right, ladies, you ready?
02:09And action.
02:15I hate it.
02:19I hate it.
02:20Look, I want this to be the definitive version of the Hound of the Baskervilles.
02:26Kiss each other like you like it.
02:27Like real life.
02:29Cue the fog.
02:32We rolling?
02:33And action.
02:35I was working the day watch out of the Rampart Division.
02:38I hated it.
02:39And who wouldn't?
02:40When you're dealing with a sordid assembly of rats, pimps, whores, greaseballs, scumbags,
02:44and lawyers, it gets to you.
02:45It was 2 p.m.
02:46I got a call about an electrocution.
02:48They found three dead kids cooked in a jacuzzi like sausage in a bowl of gumbo.
02:52Tried to make it to the top by showing off their bottoms.
02:55I was there to investigate it.
02:56That's what I do.
02:57I'm a detective.
02:58I'm Dick Stanwyck.
02:59Excuse me.
03:02Shh.
03:08Excuse me.
03:08Shh.
03:09Excuse me.
03:10Shh.
03:10Sergeant Einhorn here, LAPD, Busty Cops Division.
03:14My partner and I need to have a word with you, please.
03:18Cut!
03:20Cut!
03:22Who's the moron in my shot?
03:29Detective Dick Stanwyck?
03:34Stanwyck.
03:34Like Barbara Stanwyck?
03:36Yeah, yeah.
03:37A little cold out here for bare tits, isn't it?
03:40I love the Big Valley.
03:42Big Valley?
03:42I hated it.
03:43Made me sick.
03:45I like the high chaparral a lot better.
03:47It's a good show.
03:48Damn good show.
03:49Speaking of shows, for Christ's sake.
03:51Three days after these people died and you're out here filming again?
03:54You're a real case.
03:56What's your problem?
03:57It was an accident.
03:58People die every day.
04:00You know what?
04:01Those actors, they weren't just actors.
04:03They were my friends.
04:04They just happened to be actors.
04:06I could sit here and cry you a river.
04:08But I got a film to shoot.
04:09And I'm going to stay here until it's finished.
04:11You know why?
04:11Because I'm an artist.
04:13And I've got an audience that demands a quality product.
04:15And that's what I'm going to give them.
04:17My biggest problem?
04:18I got to replace those...
04:20Bimbos?
04:21Friends.
04:22For what might be the most important scene in this movie.
04:25So if you'll excuse me.
04:25Hey, just one more thing, Fields.
04:30What the hell do you think happened to those folks?
04:32They died.
04:36I'll put that in my report.
04:39Let's go talk to some of these clowns.
04:41Uh, your name?
04:43First name, Licka.
04:44Licka.
04:45Last name, Lottapus.
04:48Lottapus.
04:49It's Lippuenian, isn't it?
04:50Mm-hmm.
04:50Sure.
04:52Name, please?
04:53Chalooka Lake.
04:55Okay.
04:57Name, please.
04:58Cherry.
04:59Cherry pie.
05:00Sounds good.
05:01So, how long have you been working for Mr. Fields?
05:04Well, about two weeks.
05:06Okay.
05:07And, um, what's the name of the movie?
05:10Uh, Tale of Two Titties.
05:11Cities.
05:12What can you tell me about this Fields guy?
05:14He's such a cocksucker.
05:16He's a dick?
05:17That moron.
05:18He is such an egotistical, obnoxious creep.
05:20I can't stand him.
05:22Great.
05:22Sounds like you have a good job here.
05:24Look at this weather.
05:25I mean, I'm so over it already.
05:26I just want to go home.
05:28He tries to hit on us all the time and tries to, you know, bend us over like this.
05:33Oh, that bastard.
05:33Yeah, sure.
05:34Yeah, and that kind of stuff.
05:36Bend you over?
05:37Sure.
05:37Yeah.
05:37Tell me the size of your feet.
05:39The size of my feet?
05:41Uh, what about your measurements?
05:42What are your measurements?
05:44Well, what do you need to know that for?
05:45Just a formality.
05:46What are your measurements?
05:48Why?
05:49Oh, it's just a formality.
05:50What are your measurements?
05:52And this has bearing on what?
05:53Just a formality.
05:55You like farm animals?
05:57Yeah.
05:57Okay.
05:58Phone number?
06:00555-6969.
06:02Don't call me.
06:05Well, that was a lot of bullshit.
06:07No information.
06:08I'll tell you, that was no accident.
06:10With Fields, it's never an accident.
06:12Look, we have no motives.
06:14We have no witnesses.
06:15We don't have a goddamn thing.
06:18Yeah, and they're not going to talk to a couple of detectives like us.
06:21But I know who they will talk to.
06:23If they won't talk to a couple of sagging, baggy-eyed old cops, you've got to find somebody else that they will talk to.
06:31All right, let's go.
06:32Stretch them out.
06:32You're in the home stretch.
06:33Make them bounce.
06:34Make them bounce.
06:34Biggity, biggity, biggity, biggity, biggity.
06:39Yeah!
06:40Up, up, up.
06:42Come on, come on, come on.
06:45Get the lid out of those pits.
06:46All right.
06:50Oh, those are pretty good times, girls.
06:53And speaking of good times, I got a couple of questions I want to ask each one of you.
06:57All right?
06:58You first.
06:59Come on.
06:59So, what are your questions?
07:06All right, I'll get to that.
07:08First question.
07:09Who is Millard Fillmore?
07:11The Pope.
07:13That's right.
07:14Fill in the blank.
07:15Half past the monkey's ass and quarter to his...
07:18False.
07:18Very good.
07:20First question is fill in the blank.
07:22With what?
07:24That's right.
07:25Who's your daddy?
07:28My mother doesn't know yet.
07:30You're darn tootin'.
07:31I like...
07:32My tits?
07:33That's it?
07:34Okay, we'll package that.
07:36You ever have gas?
07:37Sometimes.
07:38Good.
07:38What do you do about it?
07:39I put it in my car.
07:40Attagirl.
07:42And aliens?
07:44They live next door.
07:45Very good.
07:46You answered correctly.
07:47Thank you very much.
07:49That's good.
07:53All right, girl.
08:22Look at the shower.
08:24Your attention, please.
08:26Your attention, please.
08:29Will Maxie, Ashley, and Officer Chloe
08:31please report to the captain's office immediately
08:35and with clean tits?
08:38There you go.
08:39So, do y'all think it's the one?
08:41The big busty cops assignment?
08:43Yeah.
08:43God, I hope so.
08:46We need to put that energy out there.
08:48Let's just hold hands and have a moment of silence.
08:51Meditate on it?
08:52Yeah.
08:53Okay.
08:55And hut!
08:56You three represent the best and the bustiest of the new recruits.
09:01I've got a case that requires some extensive undercover work.
09:07Deep, deep, deep undercover work.
09:10I want you to get up to that Quinlan estate
09:13and find out what's going on.
09:17Sir.
09:23Barb Prodactor, please.
09:25Detective Dick Stanwyck.
09:27Hi, Barb.
09:29Remember that favor you owe me?
09:31Yeah.
09:33Well, I got three young girls coming over today
09:34to audition for some Roman Fields picture,
09:37so what I want you to do is see to it that they get hired.
09:40Uh-huh.
09:41All right.
09:57All right, ladies, listen up.
10:00This is going to be an undercover battle for the ages.
10:03So put on your armor and get out the war paint.
10:05I want you to get ready to rape and pillage,
10:08slash and burn, suck and fuck, Martin and Lewis,
10:11do whatever it takes.
10:12I want this guy Fields on a spittle
10:15stuffed like a Kalau pig at an all-night hooky-low.
10:18I want you to check him up ways, down ways,
10:21sideways and repeatedly.
10:22Show no mercy.
10:24Take no prisoners.
10:26Walk on his balls with pet leather pumps.
10:28Pull on his pecker with a branding iron.
10:31Make him talk.
10:32Now get out there
10:33and win this one for the dickie.
10:37Stanwyck, that is.
10:38Well, you know what we're here for.
11:04We're going to have to get information
11:05on those three murders.
11:07But we need to blend in, so...
11:10Let's go.
11:14Let's go.
11:27Cheer.
11:27Let me see you cheer.
11:28Come on, like the video.
11:29Come on, give me a seat.
11:30No, I hate it.
11:32I hate it.
11:37Um...
11:37Um...
11:38Cut, cut!
11:40Who are you?
11:42What are you doing on my set?
11:43The agency sent us.
11:44We're your replacement actresses.
11:46Oh.
11:47I'm Maxie Overdrive.
11:49Sandy Monica.
11:52And I'm Foxy Cleavage.
11:54Yes.
11:56Of course you are.
12:00What are your specialties?
12:02I like anal sacks.
12:03Animals.
12:04I'm good in the kitchen.
12:07Old-fashioned girls.
12:09My favorite kind.
12:11Tell you what.
12:12You?
12:13There's a pussy inside.
12:14Find it.
12:15Pet it.
12:17And you?
12:18There's hot dogs in the kitchen.
12:20Be creative.
12:21And you?
12:24I've got coffee in my bedroom.
12:26Think of something to do with it.
12:27Okay.
12:28Bye.
12:29Bye.
12:33Where was I?
12:39Well, I couldn't find those meters anywhere.
12:42I'm not making that guy coffee.
12:44That was a hairy pussy down there.
12:46Hey, I have an idea.
12:48What?
12:49What's that?
12:49What's the hot tub?
12:51That sounds like a good idea.
12:52Yeah.
12:52Yeah.
13:12Excuse me.
13:14Oh, you startled me.
13:16You had a nice woman.
13:18Yeah, I did.
13:20It's pretty nice.
13:23Yes, I am.
13:27So, what's going on?
13:28I suppose you heard what happened.
13:30Yeah, I did, actually.
13:33Well, we had a little electrical accident.
13:36A couple of girls got killed.
13:38But I can assure you that it sets completely safe now.
13:41No, we've completely rectified the situation.
13:43I should probably tell you that Jenny, one of the girls that got killed, was dating Dave, the gaffer.
13:49Really?
13:50So, you should probably be a little extra nice to him.
13:53Interesting.
13:56Okay.
13:56Um, welcome aboard.
14:06Can you believe that dead girl, Amy?
14:07Do you know that she was getting twice as much money as we were on this film?
14:11No way.
14:12Yeah.
14:13Where'd you hear that?
14:14Everybody's talking about it.
14:15Everybody.
14:16And you know what?
14:17I also think...
14:18I think she was having sex with Roman.
14:20You know, I wouldn't be surprised.
14:22Yeah.
14:22I mean, how gross.
14:24Totally.
14:25And you know what?
14:25I think she stole my favorite pair of panties.
14:28They're gone.
14:29My God, how weird.
14:30You know what?
14:31Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm missing some lipsticks.
14:34And I think she was in the room when I was looking for him.
14:37How weird.
14:38Yeah.
14:38Hey, ladies.
14:40Go away.
14:42You look beautiful.
14:43You're so gross.
14:46You ever wonder what it's like to kiss a famous director?
14:50No.
14:51And you're certainly not going to find out.
14:52You're disgusting and you make us sick.
14:54You know, I started the careers of a lot of Hollywood superstars.
14:58Yeah, right.
14:59We're so done with this.
15:01We're so over you.
15:03I got this great idea.
15:04How about we go up to my bedroom, take all of our clothes off, rub some chocolate all over our bodies and see what we feel like doing.
15:11God, well, yeah, we'll be right there.
15:13You're so disgusting.
15:14Doesn't have to be chocolate.
15:17Go away.
15:18We are so finished with you.
15:19This is just sick.
15:20I'm so done.
15:21I'm just kidding.
15:22I'm just kidding.
15:23Actually, I'm getting ready to cast my next movie.
15:26Just something for you to keep in mind.
15:28Are you Dave?
15:53Who wants to know?
15:53I'm Chloe, one of the bussy cops.
15:57Undercover.
15:58I'd like to ask you a few questions about Jenny.
16:01Uh, see my lawyer.
16:02I'm not talking.
16:03Oh, yeah?
16:04How about now?
16:09I ain't talking.
16:17How about now?
16:19Dad, I'm not talking.
16:28How about now?
16:29Look, I'm not talking.
16:30Look, I'm not talking.
16:35How about now?
16:36What would you like to know, officer?
16:39Officer.
16:39So, what did you girls find out?
16:52Not too much.
16:54Actually, I had a talk with Dave the gaffer, and it turns out one of the girls murdered was
16:59his ex-girlfriend.
17:00Hmm.
17:01Well, I say we go back to the Fortress of Bustitude, put our boobs together, and see what
17:06we can come up with.
17:07Yeah, let's go.
17:08All right.
17:23Hmm.
17:25That was a wacky move.
17:27You're losing it.
17:29You're losing it in your old age.
17:33There, there you go.
17:35Don't get smart with me.
17:37Huh?
17:40Come on.
17:42I can take you right out.
17:44Right out to lunch.
17:46This is my master.
17:50Hello.
18:02Welcome to the Fortress of Bustitude.
18:05We are the two busty maids.
18:08We will be serving dinner at six.
18:10Meanwhile, if you'd like to consult the Dalai Lama, he is outside, full of infinite wisdom.
18:16Cool.
18:17Cool.
18:17Thanks.
18:18Let's go check it out.
18:27I can't believe we're finally at the Fortress of Bustitude.
18:31I know, huh?
18:32What an amazing view.
18:34Oh, yeah.
18:35I know.
18:36I know.
18:37I know.
18:38I know.
18:39So, Mr. Lama, what can you tell us about the murders?
18:42Murders?
18:43Oh, sure.
18:44I know about the murders.
18:45Oh, really?
18:46Oh, yeah.
18:48What about this Roman Fields guy?
18:50No, Roman Fields is a prick.
18:53Huh.
18:53But I need to talk to somebody else about this.
18:56How about you, Bambi?
18:57Yeah, you.
18:57You got real nice tits.
18:59Come on over here.
19:00Let's have a little talk.
19:01Okay.
19:03Bill, don't you be shy.
19:04Join us, Tondalea.
19:05Let's see those things shake, baby.
19:07Come on, shake him for your llama.
19:08Let's go.
19:10Tell me one more time.
19:12Fields did it.
19:12He's guilty.
19:13He's a cocksucker.
19:14Cocksucker.
19:15Bill, that's what I said.
19:16Cocksucker.
19:16Come on, you two.
19:17I'll take you for your ride around the grounds.
19:19The bastard did it.
19:22What?
19:22The llama.
19:23He told me everything.
19:24That's right.
19:25Really?
19:26We got to get a move on.
19:27I mean, we got to go.
19:28Let's go.
19:29We're wasting time.
19:33Yeah.
19:34No, no, no.
19:34I got the busty cops on it.
19:37Yeah, they'll be bouncing their boobs from here to Muncie.
19:40Sure.
19:43No one will notice.
19:53Shh.
20:03Shh.
20:05Shh.
20:07Yeah.
20:08Yeah, honey.
20:11No.
20:12Look!
20:15I'm a cock, you idiot.
20:16Stop whining.
20:18I can't.
20:19I've already ordered dinner.
20:21Yeah.
20:23Good.
20:23Wow, we finally did it.
20:38I can't believe we got the busty cops assignment.
20:41We're here.
20:42The Fortress of Bustitude.
20:44It's beautiful.
20:45You think that one day we'll get to go on assignment, like to Compton?
20:50Maybe.
20:52Watts?
20:54Wow.
20:55East Detroit?
20:56That would be cool.
20:58Hawaii.
20:59Hawaii.
20:59Hawaii.
20:59Hawaii.
23:32Well, he got his little beak in the booze and he...
23:34Yeah.
23:35I've never heard of a parrot drunk before.
23:37No, he...
23:38Well, he gets real surly.
23:40Yeah.
23:41Well, I should bring him on the case with me.
23:43Whatever you say, Captain.
23:45Make sure you say hi to Hank for me.
23:48I think he's the greatest.
23:50Okay.
23:51Uh-huh.
23:52Yeah, you'll hang on those nipples like two handlebars.
23:55Okay.
23:55Bye.
23:56Talk to you later.
23:56Got that, Hank?
23:59Oh, I could really go for some dessert right now.
24:04Me?
24:05Ew.
24:05Ice cream, ice cream.
24:08You don't have any ice cream.
24:11You ate it all, didn't you?
24:12I did.
24:14Well, on the bright side, we have chocolate.
24:16And whipped cream.
24:17A lot of chocolate and whipped cream, but what are we going to put it on?
24:21I have an idea.
24:28Hello, Chloe.
24:29How's it going in the field?
24:32Pretty good.
24:33Staying pretty busy.
24:34How about you?
24:35I'm...
24:35Yeah, I'm doing okay.
24:36We're just trying to find out what's going on.
24:38And we're not getting any information.
24:40Yeah?
24:41That sucks.
24:42Hi, girls.
24:52You look fit.
24:54You're ready for duty.
24:55All right, listen up.
24:56I sent Chloe to climb all over this Dave guy to find out what he knows about this case.
25:00I want you two to pick up a ball and work over that Toluca Lake broad.
25:05And what's the other one?
25:06Summer Raines?
25:07Yeah, a.k.a.
25:08Cherry Pie.
25:09Find out what they know.
25:10They're good friends of Roman Fields, that piece of shit, that scum.
25:14So what's the deal with Roman Fields?
25:16What's with Roman Fields?
25:17How the hell do I know?
25:18That bag of cottage cheese.
25:20He smells and reeks of jizz.
25:22He's disgusting.
25:22I hate his guts.
25:24Guys like that should be horse-wit in a public place, dragged behind an old Buick till the skin falls off.
25:29Listen to me.
25:30I can't stand it anymore.
25:31Just take care of him, get rid of him, get him out of here.
25:34Get right on it, Cap.
25:40Hi.
25:45Are you Summer?
25:46Yeah, I am.
25:47Nice to meet you.
25:48I'm Max, one of the bestie cops.
25:50I'd like to ask you a couple questions, if you don't mind.
25:52Sure.
25:53I think that'd be fine.
25:54But I was wondering, do you think you might be able to rub some oil on my back before we get started?
25:59Rub some oil on your back?
26:01Yeah, it just, it helps to relax.
26:04Okay, um, it's not customarily the way we do things, but I suppose we can make an exception just this one time.
26:13Okay, uh, I hate to do this to you, but I do have to ask you a couple questions.
26:17Oh, okay.
26:19What can you tell me about the three girls that were killed here?
26:23Well, I actually knew one of them really well, Jenny.
26:27Really?
26:27Yeah, she, uh, she was a little out of her mind.
26:31Really?
26:31She used to get really jealous.
26:33Dave would, like, flirt with other girls, and she told me one time she filed a false restraining order just to get back at him.
26:39That's pretty harsh.
26:41Yeah.
26:42Wow.
26:42So what else can you tell me?
26:45Well, there was this one time we had this wild orgy, and Jenny was there, and she must have slept with every guy there.
26:55Really?
26:55Out of control.
26:56I mean, it was just crazy.
26:58And then, the funniest thing, she disappeared for a little while.
27:01She came back.
27:02She was dressed up as a nun.
27:04A nun?
27:05A nun?
27:05Oh, my God.
27:07And she starts, like, spouting all this religious bullshit, and she's just going off, and she just was drunk and out of control.
27:14So we finally just kicked her out.
27:16Just kicked her out of the club, and she was furious.
27:18She's like, I'm going to crucify you all.
27:21Oh.
27:22And left.
27:22Wow.
27:23Yeah, so she was pretty unstable.
27:24Yeah.
27:25It's really weird.
27:26Interesting.
27:30We're the busty cops.
27:31We're undercover.
27:33I have a few questions I'd like to ask you.
27:34First, can you please tell us your name?
27:38Toluca Lake.
27:39Toluca?
27:40How long have you been working with Roman Fields?
27:43I've only done a couple of movies for him.
27:45Hmm.
27:46What's he like?
27:49He's really mean.
27:51He's just a really bad guy.
27:55He makes us work really long hours.
27:58He makes us do things we don't want to do.
28:00If you want my opinion, I think he really did kill those people.
28:05How long have you been an actress?
28:08Well, I'm not really an actress.
28:10I like to dance.
28:12I'm a dancer.
28:12Really?
28:15Can you show us?
28:17Sure.
28:17I feel my desire.
28:39The fever burns inside like fire.
28:46Jealousy.
28:48Indifference.
28:51These conversations make no sense.
28:56To me.
29:00Without a sign.
29:03Don't drag me down.
29:12Don't drag me down.
29:14Don't drag me down.
29:19Don't drag me down.
29:24Trust.
29:26Lost.
29:28Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
29:34What you love and what you need
29:38Makes you burn, makes you bleed
29:43I come to you on a hallowed ground
29:52Come on, let's show our house down downtown
29:58Okay, move forward a little bit more
30:16There we go
30:18Alright, now I want you to look right into the camera
30:21Excellent
30:23I want you to go ahead
30:25You look very beautiful
30:27Hand right here, scoot a little tighter
30:30Look right into the camera
30:32Excellent
30:35Alright, ladies
30:39We're now going to rehearse the death scene
30:41For the ultimate movie of my career
30:43I love cinema verite
30:51React as if this was really happening to you
30:57Look, it's like the llama said
31:05It's been fields all along
31:06Oh my God
31:07Chloe, get out of the shower
31:09We've got to get out of here
31:10Let's go
31:11Hold it right there, pal
31:22One more movie and you're going to be the star of your own snuff film
31:26Why'd you do it
31:27Your tits are too big and your brain is too small to understand
31:30Try us
31:32Reality shows
31:33Celebrities in jungles, that's not reality
31:36Watching somebody die
31:37That's reality
31:39You ever seen somebody
31:40The moment they realize they've taken their last breath
31:43That moment
31:44That's reality
31:45You're not an artist
31:48You're a fucking psychopath
31:49I know I am
31:50But what are you?
31:51We're the busty cops
31:53Well, girls
32:08What do you say we hit the showers?
32:10Mm-hmm
32:12Congratulations, ladies
32:21You solved a hell of a case
32:23You truly are the best and the bustiest
32:27I got a little present for you
32:30Ooh, thanks, Cap
32:31Well, girls
32:36Looks like it's time for a freeze frame
32:42Listen to the rain, rain, rain
32:46Listen to the rain
32:49Listen to the rain, rain, rain
32:53Listen to the rain
32:54Listen to the rain, rain, rain
32:59Listen to the rain
33:01Listen to the rain, rain, rain
33:05Listen to the rain
33:06Listen to the rain, rain, rain
33:36Listen to the rain, rain, rain
34:01Let's just get this god damn thing done
34:05Yeah, I know
34:06But if I don't know this one part, I can ask her.
34:08Well, then, oh, just look down, read it, then look up and say it.
34:12Each line's separate, okay?
34:14Mm-hmm.
34:15You know, I'm going to tell you right now, I could get this if you gave me a couple of minutes.
34:19I don't have a couple.
34:20We don't have a couple of minutes.
34:20Well, then, I'm not, I'm going to fuck up over and over, so I guess we'll sit here all day.
34:24You're going to love this.
34:25Don't look down.
34:28Why don't you guys say it to me, and I'll do it.
34:30You are going to love this.
34:32It's really simple.
34:33I know, and I'm looking mad on camera, and I'm pissed right now, okay?
34:36Because it's, you guys are making it difficult for me.
34:38Oh, yeah.
34:39Well.
34:42Action.
34:43You know what?
34:43Just a minute, okay?
34:44Because I'm mad now.
34:45I'm, I, you know, I don't like to look irritated on camera.
34:47Three dead, two females and a male floating in a hot tub at the Einhorn Estate.
34:53It's awful.
34:54At the Einhorn Estate.
34:55What did I say?
34:56Einhorn, what do you got at the Einhorn Estate?
34:58Quinlan, Quinlan.
34:59That's all right.
35:00You're very nice.
35:01I love it.
35:02No, I didn't want to do this movie, okay?
35:04I didn't want to do it either.
35:06I'm not an actress.
35:06We're all in the same book.
35:08So good.
35:08I used to get the sound.
35:09I don't act, so.
35:11Yes, that's correct.
35:13Let's try it again.
35:15Three dead, two females and a male floating.
35:20Three females, two males, okay, fuck it, whatever.
35:24Three dead.
35:25I know.
35:26You know, you're the worst.
35:27I swear to God, this is awful.
35:29Okay.
35:30I'll do it again.
35:31Ready?
35:31Yeah, I'm ready.
35:32Here we go.
35:32Here we go.
35:32Still rolling.
35:33Here we go.
35:33Still rolling.
35:34See if we can get this.
35:35Three dead.
35:37Two females and a male floating in a hot tub.
35:43Ow!
35:43So bad.
35:45No, come on.
35:46Be encouraging.
35:47No, I'm okay.
35:47I'm sorry.
35:49I fucking can't do it.
35:50Ready?
35:50Sean.
35:51Okay, ready?
35:52Here we go.
35:52How about your day job?
35:54I don't have a day job.
35:55Okay.
35:56Hi, I'm Katie James, and I'm playing Ashley, a busty cop.
36:01I'm Nikki Nova, and I'm playing Max also.
36:04I think at some point I'm Maxie Overdrive, also a busty cop.
36:08Uh, Katie.
36:09Uh, she really, very, very, just cute personality.
36:14Made everything so much fun.
36:16Great tits.
36:17Feels so natural.
36:19Uh, not saying they aren't.
36:21I'm just saying, you never know.
36:24Well, I'm trying hard not to, uh, tear up, but I've come really close to all the, you know,
36:31the day players and everything that, uh, in such a short time.
36:36The casting was such, of such quality that I'm at a loss for words, and I'm usually quite
36:43eloquent.
36:44Oh, no.
36:45Um, I really don't want this movie to end.
36:47Now, I know we didn't tell you what our budget was, but what would you suspect the budget
36:52is, based upon the, the huge production value in this movie?
36:56Uh, well, I heard rumors that it was more than Waterworld, uh, the Kevin, uh, Costner movie.
37:08But that was hear-tell, and, you know, or whatever that, that word is.
37:11Hearsay?
37:12Hearsay.
37:12That's hearsay.
37:14I heard it, and I'm telling it.
37:16See, you can tell I'm from Alabama.
37:19Oh, you can take the girl out of the trailer.
37:21Chloe.
37:22Don't know her real name.
37:24Booty for days, really.
37:26Just, just want to fucking slap it and bite it and just rub it and just...
37:30Are you talking about little Jesse?
37:32Yeah, Jesse.
37:34How did you feel about your director?
37:39He's brilliant.
37:40I really don't know how else to sum it up.
37:42I mean, he's just...
37:43Renaissance man.
37:44Very intense.
37:46Um.
37:47Very intense.
37:47Very, very nurturing.
37:49I have to say, his mind is so fertile.
37:53Fertilizes a lot of things.
37:54Manure.
37:55A lot of manure.
37:56Now, Nikki, I noticed you really know how to handle a gun.
37:59Why is that?
38:01Um, I thought we weren't going to bring up my past.
38:05Well, I know I promised, but...
38:08Um, that's a touchy subject because I would just like to say at this point, too, nothing was ever proven.
38:14And, um, I just think it's good for a lady to have some protection.
38:20Do you expect to win an Oscar for your performance?
38:22Oh, oh, stop.
38:25I really shouldn't.
38:26Well, yes.
38:27Who is your favorite person on the crew?
38:30Hmm.
38:30I'm going to have to say my boy Langston.
38:35Yeah.
38:36What about Langston turned you on?
38:38Love the chocolate.
38:40He works that boom like, like no man.
38:43I bet you you could work that boom like no woman.
38:46You know it, baby.
38:47What was your favorite location to shoot in on this film?
38:50The Fortress of Bustitude.
38:53Absolutely.
38:53The money that went into that, I mean, just constructing it from the ground up, you know, just to make things more real.
39:03The director and the producers said that, you know, money isn't an issue.
39:08Yeah.
39:09And, well, in Hawaii, we had such a beautiful location and got a helicopter ride there, too.
39:15Yeah.
39:16I mean, and I didn't even mind giving that pilot a blowjob.
39:20That was awesome of you, by the way.
39:22I did, you know, I did it for the team, because we all wanted to see the island.
39:27Mm-hmm.
39:28He wasn't that big anyway.
39:29Nothing but the best on our productions, I have to say.
39:32Helicopter rides, the Missouri...
39:33I'm spoiled.
39:34I'm totally spoiled.
39:36No, honey, don't sell yourself short.
39:37You swallowed.
39:39Well, okay.
39:40Like I said, there's no I in team.
39:42What about our fantastic cinematographer, Herbie Bueno?
39:48What did you feel about him?
39:49I think he's brilliant, but I don't know if he's legal.
39:54Anybody on the set that you'd like to fuck that you haven't?
39:59Maybe just Langston.
40:00Did you have sex with anybody on the crew?
40:14Pretty much everybody.
40:15That's why it's going to be so hard to leave.
40:17Who was your favorite?
40:22What's your name again?
40:23April.
40:24April, by far.
40:25What was it about him?
40:29Conalinga's, uh, redefined.
40:32What?
40:32So you think you and Langston are going to hook up after the movie?
40:35Um, I don't know.
40:37I don't think he has a car, but, um...
40:40But I have always fantasized about doing it on the bus.
40:45I love public places.
40:47Maybe Herbie Bueno could give us a ride in his, um...
40:50Chevelle.
40:51What are you going to do when you leave the set today?
40:54Um, I wanted to try to score some drugs, maybe,
40:57and, um, make a little extra money while I'm in town.
41:00I heard you can make a lot of money on Santa Monica.
41:02You need a penis there, though.
41:05Oh.
41:06You've got a strap on.
41:07Strap on?
41:08Yeah, purple strap on.
41:09Yeah.
41:09Maybe you shouldn't share that with everybody.
41:12Um, I don't know...
41:13Try Sunset.
41:14Sunset?
41:15Yeah.
41:15Yeah?
41:16Okay.
41:16Okay.
41:17So you're just going to go cop some drugs and go hook out?
41:20Yeah, and I took one of the badges off the set,
41:23so if I do get pulled over, I'll pretend that I'm, like, undercover.
41:27You know?
41:28She is so in character, and they'll believe her.
41:31Mm-hmm.
41:32So is the badge the only thing you stole from this multi-million dollar production?
41:38What are you trying to say?
41:40Tell me about those guns.
41:42Why do you have so many guns?
41:44I didn't say I had many.
41:45I just said I had some.
41:47Give me a number of some.
41:49I have three registered and, like, 18 that aren't.
41:56So you have a bunch of illegal weapons, is what you're saying?
42:00No, that's not what I'm saying.
42:02That's what you're trying to imply.
42:03You don't happen to know anything about the six wallets that were stolen out of the talent room, do you?
42:08No.
42:08Why?
42:09Did somebody say something?
42:12Uh, one of the girls said that, uh, her entire makeup bag was missing.
42:15Are you sure you had nothing to do with it?
42:16No, you know what?
42:17This is fucking bullshit, okay?
42:19This interview is over as far as I'm concerned.
42:21Langston, honey, let's go find Herbie and get the hell out of here.
42:29Katie, thank you so much.
42:31We really appreciated all of your fine efforts on this film.
42:34Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the film.
42:38I know you haven't seen the final cut.
42:40I heard it's amazing.
42:42Um, are we finished?
42:46Does anybody see my wallet?
42:50Is Nikki gone?
42:53Thanks.
42:54We'll see you next time.
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