- 6/10/2025
In this episode, I challenge the harmful belief that attraction can be manufactured through manipulative tactics, highlighting the importance of genuine engagement in relationships. I discuss the true essence of marriage, built through shared trials rather than superficial gestures, emphasizing that real intimacy arises from mutual support during life's challenges. Concluding, I advocate for maintaining connections rooted in virtue and love, encouraging authenticity and courage to foster deeper, more meaningful relationships.
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Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!
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LearningTranscript
00:00Good morning, everybody. Hope you're doing well.
00:01Stefan Molyneux from Freedomain.
00:03Please help support philosophy at freedomain.com.
00:08So, there's a funny thing that's going on online.
00:12It's been going on for quite some time about relationships.
00:15It's a sort of two-fold thing.
00:17The first is, you know, if you want a woman to want you,
00:22then you need to do these tricks.
00:24If you want a woman to lust after you, to want to sleep with you,
00:28then you do these tricks.
00:30You neg her.
00:32You pretend that you're not interested.
00:34You talk about other girls.
00:36You know, and all of this is supposed to sort of program her
00:39like some deranged, deterministic sex bot to want to jump your bones.
00:46I find this just repulsive as a whole
00:49and highly manipulative, cold-hearted, sociopathic in its essence
00:54that you just appeal to women's insecurities
00:59and that you are kind of like an advertising slogan
01:03or some sort of frozen yogurt Kim Kardashian ate here,
01:08bunch of associative, kind of pathetic nonsense.
01:12If a woman will sleep with you because you have manipulated her,
01:18then you haven't got a very high-quality woman.
01:23That's all.
01:25That's all.
01:26The people who are susceptible to that level of manipulation
01:29tend not to be enormously intelligent,
01:33tend not to be enormously self-confident,
01:35enormously well-raised,
01:36and they have the mental challenge called a lack of self-knowledge
01:41easily able to be manipulated
01:45and no particular free will.
01:49Trying to program a woman into sleeping with you
01:51through various cold-hearted manipulations
01:54is viewing her as a robot, right?
01:59That you can...
02:00A particular keypad, right?
02:02If you know the combination, you can get into the safe.
02:05And it's funny in a way,
02:07not that I would go nearly as far as the feminists do,
02:10but it's kind of funny in a way
02:12that people say,
02:15well, you know, if you don't have voluntary consent,
02:18then the sexual activity is morally problematic.
02:23To put it by, you can't use the word these days.
02:27So, and it's funny, of course,
02:31consent is important for everything
02:34except state is to power.
02:36Consent is essential
02:38except for coercive transfers of property.
02:45And apparently consent...
02:46See, a lack of consent with regards to the state
02:49is just reframed as a social contract.
02:54It's a social contract.
02:55Did I consent to the social contract?
02:57No.
02:58Doesn't matter.
02:59You're still bound by it.
03:00It's crazy.
03:02Anyway, so, if consent is important,
03:05but you are programming the woman
03:07through cold-hearted manipulations
03:10to have sex with you,
03:12well, is it really consent?
03:16It's very...
03:17I just find it...
03:18It's very desperate.
03:19It's very sad.
03:20Because it is, of course, saying
03:22that the woman will not lust after me
03:23unless I trick her,
03:25unless I program her.
03:26And for the most part,
03:27it doesn't work.
03:29There's a somewhat cold-hearted character
03:31in my new novel
03:33who talks about
03:35how foolish it is
03:37for men to try to out-manipulate women.
03:40He says it's offensive
03:41the word man is even in manipulative.
03:44It should be womanipulative.
03:46He's a funny character.
03:48So,
03:49to trick people into liking you
03:53is to say, by definition,
03:56that you're not likable
03:57in and of yourself.
03:59So,
03:59that aspect of things
04:01I sort of see floating around.
04:02It's a bit in the manosphere,
04:03the pickup artist community,
04:04and so on.
04:06And
04:06it's a...
04:09It's really terrible.
04:10It's
04:11the flip side
04:12of
04:13the men who don't approach women
04:15at all,
04:16and then the women
04:18who are approached by men
04:19using these
04:21imaginary
04:22Geppetto
04:22transparent
04:24fishing twine
04:26to the panties
04:27manipulations.
04:28It's really...
04:29It's gross.
04:30It's gross.
04:31Be yourself
04:31and see who likes you.
04:32Really,
04:33there's nothing.
04:35Be yourself
04:35and see who likes you
04:36and have some courage
04:37to talk
04:37to people.
04:39Oh,
04:40I don't want to impose.
04:42Well,
04:44civilization
04:44in the modern world
04:46lasts only
04:47in the West
04:49because we're willing
04:50to talk to people
04:50who might not want
04:52to talk to us.
04:53I mean,
04:53everything you see
04:54that is created around you
04:56was created by people
04:58willing to talk to people
04:58who might not want
04:59to talk to them.
05:00I mean,
05:01you look at your house
05:02at the bricks.
05:03The bricks were sold
05:04by
05:05somebody who probably
05:07called up
05:07someone and
05:08tried to sell them bricks
05:09even though the person
05:10hadn't asked them to call up
05:11to sell them bricks.
05:12The bricks around you,
05:13electricity,
05:14the internet,
05:15everything around you,
05:17everything that you use
05:18is
05:20created by
05:21people
05:22who talked to others
05:24without prior permission.
05:26I mean,
05:27I've done some cold calling
05:28in the business world
05:30and
05:31I've designed
05:32entire marketing campaigns
05:34and sent out
05:35like a thousand
05:36letters
05:37and prospectus
05:38by mail.
05:39So,
05:40all life is about
05:42talking to people
05:43who might not want
05:44to talk to you
05:45and
05:45literally
05:46all life
05:47in the modern world
05:48is largely
05:49created by
05:51talking to people
05:52who might not want
05:53to talk to you
05:53and in general
05:54it's men
05:55talking to women
05:57who might
05:58not
05:59want to talk
06:00back to you.
06:02That is
06:03what all life is.
06:05Men going up
06:06and talking to women
06:07who might not want
06:08to talk to them.
06:08and if you
06:10if you bow
06:11out of that
06:12if you
06:12flake out of that
06:14if you chicken
06:14out of that
06:16then you have
06:17stepped out of the
06:18giant roaring
06:19current of life
06:19that has been going on
06:20for four billion years.
06:22You've just stepped out
06:23of it
06:23and you're kind of
06:25like a thief
06:25from your ancestors
06:27because
06:28your ancestors
06:30stayed in the
06:31roaring river
06:32of life
06:33fighting
06:34currents
06:35and predators
06:36and piranhas
06:38and logs
06:40and rocks
06:41storms
06:42depth
06:43and half drowning
06:45your ancestors
06:46did all of that
06:47so that life
06:48could continue
06:49and if you
06:50allow your fears
06:51to prevent life
06:53from continuing
06:53well
06:55that's really tragic
06:57and
06:58honestly
06:58they wouldn't
07:00have bothered
07:00right
07:01had they known
07:03you would
07:04not talk
07:05to girls
07:06they wouldn't
07:07have bothered
07:08they wouldn't
07:09have buried
07:10half their children
07:11endured
07:12smallpox
07:13and diphtheria
07:14and
07:14rheumatic fevers
07:16and
07:17all other kinds
07:18of barely treatable
07:19or non-treatable
07:20or going to the doctor
07:21made things worse
07:22diseases
07:22they wouldn't
07:23have endured
07:24tuberculosis
07:25and black lung
07:26they wouldn't
07:26have endured
07:26all of that
07:27having sex
07:28with people
07:29who bathed
07:30once a year
07:30can you imagine
07:31holy crotch rock
07:33bad man
07:33they wouldn't
07:35have bothered
07:35and they
07:36struggled
07:36through all
07:37of that
07:37so you
07:38could do
07:38what
07:38stare
07:40at a screen
07:41and avoid
07:42women
07:42or men
07:43so
07:45if you
07:46don't
07:47talk to
07:47girls
07:48get dates
07:49get married
07:50have children
07:51then you're
07:52stealing from
07:52the suffering
07:53of your
07:53ancestors
07:54you know
07:55there was
07:55some nurse
07:56who got
07:57convicted
07:57of going
07:58through the
07:58pockets
07:59of
08:00a man
08:01who died
08:03because
08:04she wanted
08:04a snack
08:05just like
08:06you when
08:06you're hungry
08:07you are
08:09a grave
08:09robber
08:10you are
08:11scavenging
08:13through
08:13a battlefield
08:14filled with
08:15the bodies
08:15of great
08:16men
08:16and stealing
08:17their rings
08:18and coins
08:20I say this
08:22without reservation
08:24they suffered
08:25so that you
08:26could live
08:27and what
08:27they suffered
08:28is a thousand
08:29times greater
08:30than maybe
08:31trying to talk
08:32to a girl
08:32who rolls
08:33her eyes
08:33at you
08:33think of
08:35your ancestors
08:35who still
08:36had children
08:37over the
08:37course of
08:38the black
08:38death
08:39which was
08:39the waves
08:39of bubonic
08:40plague
08:41that took
08:41down
08:41a third
08:42or more
08:43of
08:44European
08:45life
08:46they survived
08:48all of that
08:48and flourished
08:49think of
08:51all of the
08:51I mean
08:52the baby
08:52boom
08:53was
08:54men
08:55and women
08:56the men
08:57had endured
08:57years of war
08:58the women
08:58had endured
08:59years of
08:59fear and
09:00separation
09:00and bombings
09:02in France
09:04of course
09:04Germany
09:05Italy
09:05England
09:06so
09:08they came
09:10back
09:10after years
09:11of trauma
09:12slaughter
09:13murder
09:13injury
09:14watching friends
09:15die
09:15terror
09:16they came
09:17back
09:18and had
09:19scads of
09:20babies
09:21they created
09:23a baby boom
09:23out of the
09:25furnace
09:25of the
09:26greatest
09:26suffering
09:27the world
09:28has ever
09:29known
09:29which was
09:30world war
09:31two
09:31and you
09:32can't talk
09:33to girls
09:33come on
09:34man
09:35you're only
09:36alive
09:37because
09:38your
09:39parents
09:40and your
09:41ancestors
09:41were willing
09:42to suffer
09:42to give
09:43you life
09:43and their
09:45suffering
09:45was infinitely
09:46greater
09:47than
09:48your fear
09:49of rejection
09:50and of course
09:51not talking
09:52to girls
09:52out of a
09:53fear of
09:53rejection
09:54it's being
09:55rejected
09:56anyway
09:56and
09:56you know
09:58girls
09:58want to
09:59be talked
09:59to
09:59right
09:59there's
10:00this whole
10:01psyop
10:01about
10:01don't talk
10:02to girls
10:02that's just
10:03depopulation
10:03agenda
10:04and it's
10:05aimed to
10:05target the
10:06reproductive
10:06abilities
10:07of the
10:07most moral
10:08and intelligent
10:09and sensitive
10:09I didn't fall
10:13for the
10:13propaganda
10:14about COVID
10:15or whatever
10:15but if you
10:16are frightened
10:17to talk
10:18to girls
10:18too much
10:18to the point
10:19where you
10:19won't talk
10:19to girls
10:20then you're
10:20just falling
10:20for a
10:20different
10:21propaganda
10:21that's
10:21even more
10:22dangerous
10:22people say
10:23well I
10:24didn't take
10:25the
10:25COVID jab
10:26because I
10:27was concerned
10:27about its
10:27effect on
10:28the reproductive
10:28system
10:29you know
10:30what the
10:30effect
10:30on the
10:31reproductive
10:32system
10:32is if
10:33you're
10:33not talking
10:33to girls
10:34it's 100%
10:36kill shot
10:36you don't
10:37get to
10:38reproduce
10:38you might
10:39as well
10:40not have
10:40testicles
10:40or a
10:41penis
10:42infinitely
10:43worse
10:43than
10:45any other
10:46fear
10:46about
10:47survival
10:48if you
10:49were to
10:49go
10:50to your
10:51ancestors
10:51and say
10:53to them
10:53hey man
10:54thanks for
10:54all your
10:54struggles
10:55but I'm
10:56just going
10:56to play
10:57with myself
10:57and not
10:58talk to
10:58girls
10:58and it's
10:59the end
10:59of the
10:59line
10:59for our
11:00entire
11:00genetics
11:01imagine how
11:02enraged
11:03they would
11:03be
11:03how
11:04contemptuous
11:05how angry
11:05how frustrated
11:06they would
11:07be
11:07and you
11:08know
11:09they're
11:09all
11:09their
11:09ancestors
11:10crowd
11:10or minds
11:11you know
11:12the
11:12East Asian
11:14idea
11:14in some
11:15cultures
11:15that
11:16ancestors
11:17float around
11:18and cheer
11:19or curse
11:19at what
11:20you do
11:20it's very
11:22real
11:22because
11:22culture
11:24exists
11:25because
11:25our
11:25ancestors
11:26live
11:27in the
11:28halls
11:28of our
11:28minds
11:29and they
11:30have
11:30very
11:31strong
11:31judgments
11:32and those
11:34occur
11:34whether we
11:35will them
11:35or not
11:35part of the
11:37conscience
11:37is the
11:38eternal voice
11:39of our
11:39ancestors
11:40trying to
11:41guide us
11:41to justify
11:42the sacrifices
11:44they made
11:44or if
11:46you were
11:46to
11:47be given
11:48a choice
11:49of where
11:50you wanted
11:50to be
11:51born
11:51and say
11:51well you
11:52can be
11:52born in
11:52the middle
11:52ages
11:53and you
11:55face
11:55you know
11:56plagues
11:56famines
11:56wars
11:57diseases
11:58political
11:59control
12:00that's
12:01impossible
12:01really for
12:02us to
12:02even imagine
12:03you might
12:04not be
12:04able to
12:04read
12:04probably
12:05wouldn't
12:05be able
12:06to read
12:06wouldn't
12:06have any
12:06access to
12:07books
12:07and might
12:08be
12:09tortured
12:09to death
12:10for taking
12:11a rabbit
12:12from the
12:12king's land
12:13or
12:14you could
12:15live in
12:16the almost
12:16infinite
12:17comforts
12:17of the
12:18modern
12:18world
12:18and
12:20and
12:21or but
12:22you have
12:23to talk
12:24to girls
12:24who might
12:25say no
12:25who might
12:26roll their
12:27eyes
12:27it's that
12:29picture from
12:29the meme
12:31video of
12:31the girls
12:32as if
12:33looking at
12:34the guy
12:34holding their
12:35little red
12:35cups of
12:36debauchery
12:37yeah
12:38well who
12:40would you
12:40who would
12:42you rather
12:42be
12:42the guy
12:43in the
12:43middle
12:43ages
12:44living
12:45in
12:47fetid
12:47squalid
12:48uncomfortable
12:49lice ridden
12:50straw
12:50mattresses
12:52never having
12:53access to
12:54a dentist
12:54or antibiotics
12:55well I guess
12:57you had a
12:57dentist who
12:57just pulled
12:58your teeth
12:58or would you
13:00rather be
13:00you with
13:01the infinite
13:01freedoms
13:02relative to
13:03then and
13:03the infinite
13:04comforts
13:05of the
13:06modern world
13:07and this
13:08is my
13:09character
13:09romance
13:10argument in
13:10my novel
13:11the future
13:12people are
13:14only as
13:15hard as
13:15their
13:15circumstances
13:16if you
13:17have tough
13:18circumstances
13:18you become
13:19tough
13:20if you
13:20have easy
13:21circumstances
13:22you become
13:23soft and
13:23tremulous and
13:24frightened and
13:25cowardly and
13:26nervous
13:26and of course
13:28we're not
13:28particularly designed
13:29for the kind of
13:31freedoms that we
13:31have
13:32we're not
13:33designed to be
13:34able to say
13:35challenging and
13:35contentious things in
13:36the public square
13:37or the public
13:37sphere because in
13:38the past that
13:39would just get
13:39you killed
13:40well tortured
13:41and then killed
13:41and it might be
13:43the end of your
13:44line being
13:45outspoken being
13:46frank being
13:47direct being
13:48honest being
13:48controversial is
13:50for kings and
13:53nobles of
13:54which only
13:56one to two
13:56percent of
13:57people were
13:57not designed
13:58for it I
13:59might be a
14:00little designed
14:00for it because
14:01my ancestors
14:02were nobles
14:03lords who
14:06would you rather
14:06be medieval
14:07peasant or
14:08you we
14:09wait for
14:10courage to
14:11make that
14:12which we're
14:12afraid of
14:13easier to
14:14bear which
14:16is like
14:16looking at
14:16a gym and
14:18saying I'm
14:19going to wait
14:20for my muscles
14:20to grow so
14:22that the
14:22weights are
14:23easier to
14:24lift once
14:25my muscles
14:25have grown and
14:26the weights
14:26are easier to
14:27lift then I
14:28will start
14:28working out
14:29but of course
14:30as you know
14:31this is not
14:32at all how
14:33it works
14:33how it works
14:35you see is
14:36you go to
14:38the gym
14:38you're soft
14:40and flabby
14:40you start
14:41lifting weights
14:42it's uncomfortable
14:43and painful
14:44and then you
14:45get stronger
14:45that's courage
14:47courage is
14:49do what
14:50terrifies you
14:51find you
14:53survive
14:53find you
14:54flourish
14:54find your
14:55fears diminish
14:55and the
14:56musculature of
14:57your courage
14:58grows through
14:58resistance
14:59through overcoming
15:00fear
15:01waiting
15:02to be
15:03courageous
15:04is like
15:05waiting
15:06to be
15:07wealthy
15:07say well
15:09I'm going to
15:10wait till
15:10half a million
15:12dollars
15:12falls into
15:13my lap
15:13at home
15:14and then
15:14I'll start
15:15a business
15:15no
15:16you start
15:17the business
15:18you scrape
15:18by
15:19you get
15:19by
15:19you work
15:20like
15:20crazy
15:21and then
15:21hopefully
15:22eventually
15:22you become
15:23wealthy
15:24every time
15:25you don't
15:26go to the
15:27gym
15:27your muscles
15:28get softer
15:29courage
15:30is a
15:31continual
15:31process
15:32of doing
15:33that which
15:33is difficult
15:34so that
15:36you weaken
15:36your cowardice
15:38courage
15:39is not a
15:40one-time
15:41process
15:41there's that
15:43fantasy in
15:43the movie
15:44back to the
15:45future
15:45that you
15:46just do
15:46one courageous
15:47thing
15:47and your
15:48entire life
15:49changes
15:49thereafter
15:50nope
15:50that's like
15:51saying you
15:51go to
15:51the gym
15:51once
15:52and you
15:53have
15:53ripped
15:54muscles
15:54forever
15:55nope
15:55courage
15:56is a
15:57continuous
15:57thing
15:57courage
15:59is like
15:59holding
16:0020 pounds
16:02above your
16:02head
16:03the moment
16:04you stop
16:05acting
16:06courageously
16:06and taking
16:07on that
16:07which is
16:08challenging
16:08is the
16:09moment
16:10that your
16:11courage
16:11weakens
16:12and your
16:13default state
16:14which is
16:14cowardice
16:15and mine
16:15which is
16:16cowardice
16:16returns
16:17so
16:18that's the
16:19first thing
16:20I wanted
16:20to say
16:20the second
16:21thing I
16:21wanted to
16:21say
16:22is this
16:23there's a
16:24funny thing
16:25about
16:25marriage
16:27that it
16:28is about
16:29romance
16:30and
16:31sex
16:33basically
16:33right
16:33you gotta
16:34have your
16:35date nights
16:35and then
16:37you should
16:37greet your
16:38wife with
16:38rose petals
16:39and hot
16:40bubbly water
16:41not in the
16:42sink but in
16:42the bathtub
16:43that's two
16:43different things
16:44and you gotta
16:46make her feel
16:46special
16:46and loved
16:47you gotta
16:49romance her
16:50and I'm
16:51not
16:52foundationally
16:53opposed to
16:53these ideas
16:54I think
16:54that they're
16:55kind of fun
16:56and cute
16:57but it's not
16:58what marriage
16:58is about
16:59marriage
17:01is about
17:02birth
17:03and blood
17:05and life
17:06and death
17:07and the
17:08long process
17:09of dying
17:10it is about
17:11rooting yourself
17:12in the cycle
17:13of life
17:13so that you
17:14can withstand
17:15the storms
17:15of the everyday
17:17marriage is
17:19about a deep
17:19connection
17:20so that you
17:21can shepherd
17:22and navigate
17:22yourself
17:23through the
17:24storms of
17:25any worthwhile
17:25life
17:26easy live
17:27and quiet
17:28die
17:28it's a song
17:29from my
17:29favorite movie
17:30room with a
17:30view
17:30it's tempting
17:32it's tempting
17:34but it's
17:35a living
17:35death
17:36there's a
17:37cafe I
17:38sometimes go
17:38to with my
17:39daughter
17:39or my
17:40wife
17:41occasionally
17:41and it's
17:43like a gaming
17:43cafe and we'll
17:44see men
17:46and the
17:46occasional
17:46woman in
17:47their 30s
17:48you know
17:49playing board
17:49games or
17:50some sort
17:51of role
17:51playing game
17:51and so
17:52on
17:52and it's
17:54not that
17:54there's
17:54anything
17:54particularly
17:55wrong with
17:55that
17:56it's just
17:56that there's
17:58no rings
17:58on their
18:00fingers
18:00they're hunting
18:01plus one or
18:03plus two rings
18:04of protection
18:04in the game
18:05but they have
18:05no actual
18:06rings on
18:08their fingers
18:09there are
18:09no children
18:11and it is a
18:12life of
18:12eternal
18:13adolescence
18:13and I've
18:15talked to
18:15enough people
18:16who get
18:16older
18:17who've
18:18taken that
18:18approach
18:19of
18:20hedonism
18:20searching for
18:22distracting
18:22pleasures to
18:23avoid the
18:24larger pictures
18:24of the cycle
18:25of life
18:25that we are
18:26all bound
18:27and determined
18:27by
18:28like it
18:28or not
18:29easy live
18:31and quiet
18:32die
18:33the chilling
18:34regret of
18:35quietly discharged
18:36atoms as I
18:37talked about in
18:38a poem of
18:39mine from my
18:40teenage years
18:41a woman who
18:42lived small
18:43found no
18:44heaven or
18:45salvation at
18:46the end of
18:47her life
18:47only the
18:48quiet
18:48regret
18:49the silent
18:51regret regret
18:51of quietly
18:52discharged atoms
18:53the atoms will
18:55outlast you
18:56the life
18:57evaporates like
18:59morning dew
18:59as the sun
19:02rises and the
19:02world turns
19:03marriage
19:05is about
19:07keeping
19:07the fragile
19:09flickering flames
19:10of children's
19:12lives
19:12on this side
19:14of the ground
19:15it is about
19:16nursing children
19:17through
19:19illness
19:20it is about
19:21helping someone
19:22recover from
19:23surgery
19:24helping them
19:25stand
19:26helping them
19:26walk
19:27it is about
19:29helping to
19:30navigate
19:30the sometimes
19:32unbearable
19:33pain
19:33of decaying
19:35and dying
19:36parents and
19:37grandparents
19:37it is about
19:40having someone
19:41to hold
19:42your shaking
19:43shoulders
19:44over the
19:46scar in
19:47the earth
19:47they put
19:48your loved
19:49ones into
19:49when they're
19:50dead
19:50it is about
19:52somebody
19:52bringing you
19:54room temperature
19:55soup and a
19:56cold compress
19:57when you're too
19:58sick to get
19:59out of bed
19:59it is not
20:01about
20:01petal paths
20:03and date
20:04nights
20:04it is about
20:06holding on
20:07to another
20:07human soul
20:08in the
20:09sometimes
20:10unbearable
20:11storms of
20:12suffering
20:12that regularly
20:13cross our
20:14paths
20:15as we age
20:16and eventually
20:17consume us
20:18completely
20:19it is about
20:21finding someone
20:22who can help
20:23you laugh
20:23as the
20:25grey tide
20:25of aged
20:26suffering
20:27begins to
20:27overwhelm
20:28the sunny
20:29beaches
20:29of your youth
20:30it is a
20:31foundational
20:32soul-based
20:34connection
20:35to resist
20:36and find
20:38joy
20:38in the
20:40thousand
20:41natural
20:42shocks
20:42the flesh
20:43is heir to
20:44as Hamlet
20:45says
20:46and
20:47most
20:48fundamentally
20:49because
20:50animals have
20:52their primitive
20:52pair of bondings
20:53too
20:53most fundamentally
20:55it is about
20:56finding someone
20:57who stands
20:59with you
20:59steadfast
21:01unwavering
21:02when the
21:04bladed
21:05swords of
21:06injustice
21:06come flying
21:08down from
21:08the sky
21:09because you
21:10will not
21:10bend the
21:11knee
21:11to the
21:12endlessly
21:13corrupt
21:13and powerful
21:14the shield
21:16of love
21:16is what
21:18is required
21:18to survive
21:20the raining
21:21arrows
21:22of cruelty
21:23and injustice
21:24and it's
21:26nice to
21:26take your
21:27spouse to
21:28his or her
21:28favorite restaurant
21:29and it's
21:31important to
21:32tell
21:33your loved
21:34ones that
21:35you love
21:35them
21:36but it is
21:37foundationally
21:38important
21:39to have
21:40loved ones
21:40that you
21:41love
21:41and to
21:42be
21:42a loved
21:43one
21:44that someone
21:44loves
21:45and there's
21:46no way
21:46to achieve
21:47that
21:47without the
21:48base virtue
21:49called
21:49courage
21:50talk to
21:51the girl
21:52you're
21:52interested in
21:53talk to
21:54her honestly
21:55and deeply
21:56show her
21:57a life
21:58of meaning
21:59and purpose
22:00and virtue
22:00and strength
22:02and show
22:03her
22:03that you
22:05are gonna
22:05suffer
22:06no matter
22:07what
22:07in life
22:09and there
22:10are great
22:10sunny periods
22:11when there
22:13is
22:13great joy
22:15and no
22:16clouds on
22:16the horizon
22:17I remember
22:18as a kid
22:19my best
22:20friend
22:20and I
22:22used to
22:22go
22:23to visit
22:24his single
22:25mom's
22:25boyfriend
22:26in northern
22:27Ontario
22:27and
22:29we would
22:30be driving
22:31and there
22:32would be
22:33trees by
22:33the road
22:34and it
22:34would be
22:35sunset
22:36and so
22:36the trees
22:37would cast
22:37long shadows
22:38on the road
22:40and I
22:40remember
22:40sitting in
22:42the back
22:42seat
22:42looking at
22:44the road
22:44ahead
22:44and all
22:46of the
22:46dark
22:46and sunny
22:47patches
22:47long
22:48stretched
22:49shadows
22:49by the
22:50lowering
22:50elbow
22:51of the
22:52setting
22:52sun
22:52and I
22:53we would
22:54drive
22:54through
22:54the dark
22:54patches
22:55and then
22:55there
22:55would be
22:55long
22:55sunny
22:56patches
22:56and even
22:57then
22:57at the
22:58age of
22:5913 or
23:0014
23:00I thought
23:01isn't that
23:02kind of like
23:03life now
23:03the way that I
23:04viewed it in my
23:05own mind was I
23:06imagined an alien
23:07occupation of
23:07earth and how
23:08you would fight
23:09back against it
23:09there would be
23:10sunny patches
23:10there would be
23:11dark patches
23:11and
23:13it has just
23:14struck me now
23:15as I'm
23:17talking
23:17that
23:18that is a
23:19good analogy
23:20because it
23:21was never
23:21sunrise
23:22we never
23:22left early
23:23in the
23:23morning
23:23we always
23:24left
23:24after school
23:25on a
23:25Friday
23:26and stayed
23:26for the
23:26weekend
23:27I remember
23:27this guy
23:27was a
23:28baker
23:28and he's
23:29the one
23:30who taught
23:30me about
23:31the word
23:32fresh
23:32he says
23:33well if
23:33your bread
23:34is a day
23:35old you
23:35say it's
23:35a day
23:35old fresh
23:36if it's
23:37three days
23:37old you
23:38say it's
23:38three day
23:39fresh
23:39I said
23:40well what
23:40if it's
23:41ten days
23:41old is
23:42ten day
23:42fresh
23:42you commit
23:44and of
23:45course the
23:45reason why
23:46the light
23:48and the
23:48dark of the
23:49shadows of the
23:49trees on the
23:50road was so
23:50powerful for
23:52me at the
23:52time and
23:53now is
23:55because the
23:55sun was
23:57setting which
23:58means you
23:59have patches of
23:59light and
24:00dark over the
24:02course of your
24:02life and
24:03eventually the
24:05sun is gone
24:06and it's all
24:07dark and you
24:09have disappeared
24:10well the sun is
24:12gone but the
24:13sun doesn't
24:13disappear only you
24:14disappear the
24:15sun sets on the
24:16patches of light
24:16and dark that
24:17characterize the
24:18joys and sorrows of
24:19your life and
24:20then the sun
24:21winks out and
24:22you are gone
24:22and of course it
24:24was particularly
24:25powerful for me in
24:26hindsight that I
24:28was in the backseat
24:28of the car because
24:30I was not in
24:30control of my
24:31destiny in my
24:32early teens of
24:33course like who
24:34is right except
24:35maybe Joan of
24:36Ark well even
24:37then she was
24:37following divine
24:38commandments in
24:39her mind now the
24:42sorrows of life are
24:45less visible to
24:48the young because
24:49the sorrows in
24:50life that accrue
24:51to the young I'm
24:53talking about people
24:53who were adults but
24:54youthful like
24:55teens early 20s
24:57maybe into early
24:59mid 30s the
25:01sorrows that
25:03accrue to the
25:05young are largely
25:07self-inflicted or
25:09chosen so if you
25:11choose not to save
25:12your money but you
25:12choose to spend it
25:13then you will have
25:14the sorrows of
25:14having very little
25:15choice in getting
25:18or keeping a job
25:19if you avoid
25:21talking to girls
25:22and get addicted to
25:23screens of the
25:24gaming and sexual
25:25variety then the
25:26sorrows and loneliness
25:27that you have is the
25:28result of your
25:29choices now choices
25:30influence of course by
25:31what happened in your
25:32childhood but you
25:33still have infinitely
25:35more free will as an
25:36adult than you have
25:36as a child so the
25:40sorrows that you
25:40have as a young man
25:42as a young woman
25:43are self-inflicted or
25:45chosen the result of
25:46your choices and so
25:48we get this funny
25:49impression when we're
25:49young that because
25:51our sorrows are largely
25:52the result of our
25:53choices we can choose
25:54to escape all sorrows
25:55if you're lonely
25:57right then you can
25:59choose to make
26:02friends you can choose
26:02to find people to
26:04date and you can fix
26:06it so because your
26:08sorrows are chosen
26:09you have the impression
26:12that all sorrows are
26:15chosen and if you
26:17choose better you will
26:18avoid all sorrows and
26:19I'm sort of going
26:20through this process a
26:21little bit at the
26:23moment because I
26:25thought well I make
26:27good choices with
26:27regards to health I
26:29exercise I eat well I've
26:33lost 40 pounds I you
26:35know like I've made
26:38decent or good
26:40choices with
26:41regards to health I
26:42get my checkups I
26:43see the dentist you
26:44know these kinds of
26:44things and when
26:47you're young if you
26:47make good decisions
26:48regarding health it
26:50keeps you healthy but
26:52of course when you get
26:53older and you make
26:54good decisions with
26:55regards to health all
26:56that happens is you
26:57slow down your dying
26:58there is no amount of
27:00sit-ups that will make
27:02you immortal and
27:04quality of life improves
27:05when you exercise and
27:06eat well and I
27:09don't have any painful
27:11chronic health
27:11conditions and no
27:12back issues no knee
27:14issues and I can
27:15still sprint and I
27:16can still go rock
27:18climbing and all of
27:19that I'm still can play
27:20like an hour hour and
27:22a half of hard
27:22pickleball with my
27:23wife that's not an
27:24analogy that's real
27:26pickleball so I'm
27:28pretty good for late
27:2950s but all it does is
27:31slow my dying so when
27:34you're young your
27:36suffering is largely
27:37the result of your
27:37choices and therefore
27:39it's easy to think that
27:40all suffering can be
27:41controlled by better
27:43choices false not all
27:46suffering can be
27:47controlled by better
27:49choices as I age I
27:52have maybe 20 to 25
27:54years on average if I'm
27:55lucky as I age there
27:58will be suffering that
28:00is not part of my
28:02choices that I will
28:04simply have to endure
28:06if you have old people
28:08in your life you know
28:09the litany of complaints
28:10that they have and that
28:14is simply beyond free
28:17will so you want to make
28:21good choices until your
28:23suffering is beyond your
28:26choices root yourself in
28:28someone else's heart act in
28:30a noble productive and
28:31positive manner be
28:33someone who inspires
28:35affection loyalty love
28:37connection reality truth
28:40shackle yourself together
28:41with someone because the
28:44storm will blow one
28:46person away two people
28:48dug into the institution of
28:50marriage can weather the
28:51storm and the storms and
28:54they come and they
28:55sometimes come in waves
28:56and they will often be
29:00beyond your capacity to
29:02choose or un-choose and
29:04must simply be endured
29:06people can take five to
29:09ten years to die loved
29:11ones parents aunts uncle
29:14grandparents and you
29:16don't choose that and they
29:17don't choose that that is
29:19simply the inevitable decay of
29:22the imminently quietly
29:23discharged atoms so your
29:27children will suffer you
29:29bring them up rationally
29:30they will suffer trying to
29:32navigate a world that is
29:34pathologically hostile to
29:36facts reason truth and
29:37evidence inoculated by
29:40parasitical propaganda of
29:43the state and semi-private kind
29:45education and the media
29:47respectively you bring them
29:49up rationally they're going to
29:51suffer in a world of anti
29:53reason you bring them up to
29:56conform with the madness of
29:58modern culture and they
30:00suffer too even more i think i
30:03hope so marriage it's not
30:07about tingles dating marriage
30:09not about tingles it's not
30:11about chemistry it's not about
30:13getting your rocks off it's not
30:15about sex tingles chemistry lust
30:19and sex are very important
30:21ingredients in marriage and
30:24marriages founded and
30:26required because the
30:28consequence of sex are
30:29children that need decades of
30:31investment but tricking women
30:33into sleeping with you by
30:35negging and ghosting and
30:38talking about other girls and
30:40pretending to be too busy and
30:41right tricking women into having
30:44sex with you is not shackling
30:45yourself together in the two
30:47person at tea in the two
30:49person team it takes to
30:52survive life's storms the
30:56deeply rooted oaks can survive
30:59the crazed storm the saplings
31:03cannot the smaller trees can only
31:06survive the storm if they grow
31:07together as one and you need the
31:10weight and ballast and strength and
31:11feedback of a loved one who's
31:14virtuous to stay sane sanity is
31:17conversation it is not
31:18introspection introspection
31:21doesn't hurt and may help but
31:23fundamentally we find the truth in
31:24conversation with others because
31:25the truth is out there and other
31:27people's perspective looking at us is
31:28also out there and having someone
31:31by your side when the storms of
31:35life come to take down the
31:39tremulous dwelling of your happiness
31:41someone who can patch the roof and
31:44hold up the beams and help repair
31:47after the storm passes is essential
31:50and we have shielded the young from
31:54the perspectives of the aged right
31:57this has been a constant process of
31:59propaganda for years and decades and
32:02decades that the old are foolish and
32:04racist and bigoted and out of touch
32:08out of tune now a lot of that's true
32:10with regards to the boomers but we
32:13shield people from the second half of
32:15life so that they do not attach to
32:19each other with the deep shackles and
32:21roots that allow people to stand
32:24against the accidental tyrannies of
32:26nature and the conscious tyrannies of
32:28man people who are isolated are easily
32:32conquered by fear or political power or
32:36injustice or addiction or avoidance
32:40cowardice the union of two loving and
32:45moral souls puts roots into the ground
32:49that reach it feels like almost to the
32:51center of the earth and would come
32:53withstand everything except death which
32:57cannot be withstood as the course of
32:59time continues so this idea well you know
33:03it's about you gotta have your date
33:04nights and you gotta do this and you gotta
33:06it's like those are fine those are fine
33:08it's about getting laid it's about
33:11getting a hot girl it's about this all
33:14very shallow very foolish and I am not
33:18at all saying this from a place of
33:21superiority I constantly want to
33:23reinforce this these are hard-run lessons
33:25I did the hedonism thing when I was
33:28young because I was shielded from the
33:30consequences of hedonism which is what
33:32allows hedonism to flourish and undermine
33:36and destroy as hedonism does hedonism is
33:40the addiction to pleasure regardless of
33:42morals regardless and morals morals are
33:45what allow pleasure to continue making
33:48life about pleasure is setting yourself
33:50up for all the almost infinite suffering
33:53of the last half of your life if you
33:54have not put the foundations and the
33:56roots and the compromises in necessary to
33:58have a companion you see the way to
34:02survive a battle is back to back because
34:05we do not have eyes in the backs of our
34:08heads and life is periods of peace and
34:13periods of war war against others war
34:17against injustice war against falsehood war
34:20against despair if the suffering that you
34:25experience is beyond your control if the
34:26suffering you experience is within your
34:27control you can act and that's how you
34:29combat despair but there is a
34:32significant suffering that is beyond
34:34your control which if you had a bad
34:36childhood when you get older mirrors the
34:38bad childhood when we are children if we
34:41have bad parents we are unable to control
34:45what our parents do when we are adults as we
34:51age we are equally unable to control the
34:53effects of our prior bad choices our bad
34:58choices become like the abusive parents
35:01that dictate the suffering of our daily
35:04existence if you are a woman and you did
35:08the pseudo Dubai hedonism path of sexual
35:13excitement and roller coaster relationships
35:16well you pass 40 and all that hedonism is
35:22now paid for its life is suffer now to a lesser
35:26degree or suffer later to a greater degree
35:28and focusing on the future suffering is how we
35:33reduce that suffering by embracing suffering in
35:37the here and now last night at 10 p.m. I did 20
35:44minutes of hard weights and 30 minutes of hard
35:46cardio did I want to I did not I mean it's not
35:52like horrible but it's you know it's suffering
35:55if you especially cardio you know the first 5-10
35:59minutes is like there's no way and then after
36:01that you hit your zone and you're fine but if you
36:04had the experiences of cardio without doing cardio
36:06you'd think you were dying my god my heart's racing my chest
36:10is pounding I can't breathe so you exercise now which is small
36:15suffering or you suffer later with bad bones bad muscles bad joints and
36:22then it may be that you cannot recover so prior bad choices become the cause of
36:30suffering you cannot negotiate with just like bad parents or bad
36:34teachers so marriage is an ancient powerful institution designed to give
36:42comfort and succor in the inevitable storms and suffering of pain decay and
36:50injustice that characterize a life of wisdom because of course when you're
36:55young you have hope when you get older and you understand the
37:00intransigence of people's mindsets and their baked in deep-rooted spinal bone
37:07marrow hostility to reason and evidence you realize that there may be hope in the
37:13world but not for this cycle of history as you gain in wisdom it becomes
37:18abundantly and brutally clear to you to me to everyone how scant the practice of
37:25wisdom is in this world and that people most people would much rather use violent
37:32means deception hypocrisy manipulation propaganda to gain their resources
37:39rather than rational productivity and honest trade the majority of people in the
37:48west gain their resources through corrupt and immoral means and they will ride that
37:54into the ground deep into the ground into hell itself they will not give up their ill-gotten gains
38:00they will cost them everything and their descendants everything that's just a fact and as someone who
38:08has done more than a small amount of reasoning with the world i tell you this as a challenging fact
38:17i mean it's important to accept the facts though they cause a suffer suffering because the avoidance
38:22of accepting facts is even more suffering the cost of avoiding facts is an
38:28endless repetition of futility i can punch my way through this wall this brick wall is false and if you
38:36don't accept it you end up with destroyed hands and no part through the wall life is deep my
38:44friends and you need people with you to navigate that depth there's a lot of suffering in the second half of life
38:52and you need someone with you to assuage and comfort that suffering as you assuage and comfort their
38:58suffering the world is hostile to truth and reason and he who increaseth in knowledge also increaseth in sorrow
39:08and the other side of sorrow what's on the other side of sorrow is acceptance i'm going to die you're going to die
39:18and the only comfort we can have on our deathbed is looking back on a life well lived
39:24stop following your balls stop following your hormones root yourself into someone's heart
39:31through the grim practice of consistent virtue love and be loved and that is the only antidote
39:38to the suffering that is inevitable freedom.com to help our philosophy thank you so much bye
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