Grimsburg Season 2 Episode 9- The Undies

6/6/2025

#CinemaJourney
#Grimsburg

Transcript

00:00I am honored and grateful that you have invited me here today on the day of your son's third birthday.

00:06May this Paw Patrol figurine bring him great joy for ten minutes before he throws it in a toy bin and goes back to his iPad.

00:14Dana Cordero.

00:15Thank you, Dino.

00:17Anthony!

00:18Take that skee-ball out of your mouth!

00:22You're light this month.

00:23Either you're holding out on me, or people have figured out how to have fun at parties without drugs.

00:28Nobody buys drugs from guys like me anymore.

00:31They want white girls and crop tops and dreads.

00:33I need more time.

00:35Time is something I'm in a short supply of.

00:40I didn't realize you were so far along.

00:43My doctor says I'm already dilated.

00:46Nine millimeters.

00:48Daddy, I want a toy.

00:58Don't talk to them.

01:25Don't talk to them.

01:25Just go and say...

01:26Hey, Mrs. Maniscopa.

01:27Oh, Gregory.

01:28Hey, have you met my new roommate?

01:32Where did he...

01:34Summers, I swear to God, have you introduced me?

01:36Oh, there you are!

01:37You got to meet Louis from 208.

01:39He...

01:39Oh!

01:40Oh!

01:45Didi, have you met...

01:46Why do you have that on you?

01:51Because it always works.

01:52If they check for an erection, they'd know it's fake.

01:54But nobody ever does.

01:57Don't worry.

01:59You get another chance to meet the neighbors at our annual HOA party.

02:02This year, we're doing a casino night.

02:04Nope, not coming.

02:05I don't engage with neighbors, Summers.

02:06The second you make eye contact, there's no escape.

02:09They're like those clipboard people outside of the grocery store.

02:12Or Stan.

02:13But you have to come.

02:14Literally.

02:15The party is in our loft.

02:17What?

02:17Look, I may let you cook all my dinners, clean all my laundry, and fetch all my seltzers,

02:22but I will not sit back and let you steamroll me on the only thing you've ever asked me for.

02:26Cancel it.

02:27And fetch me a seltzer.

02:28But you never want to do what I want.

02:30Face masks, game night, matching PJs.

02:33Friends should do anything for each other.

02:35Oh, sweet Summers, that's not true.

02:37Mostly because we're not friends.

02:38We're roommates.

02:39I'm supposed to lose your mail and see your pubes on the toilet.

02:42That's it.

02:43Oh, okay.

02:45I'll let everybody know it's off.

02:47There you go.

02:51Seltzer?

02:54This is the Prego crime family.

02:57Because no sane person would ever question a pregnant woman about anything,

03:00they've been able to take over the underworld.

03:02Now they need a new cocaine distributor, and we're sending one of you deep undercover.

03:06You gotta let me have this.

03:08The Undies Awards are coming up,

03:09and this is exactly the kind of case I need to finally beat the feds.

03:13And the winner for Best Actor in an Undercover Operation goes to

03:18The FBI for Operation Jaguar.

03:21The FBI for Undercover Sister.

03:25The FBI for Mission Simp Possible.

03:28The FBI for...

03:30With this case, I'm gonna cream the Undies.

03:33It's got everything the voters look for.

03:35Drugs, strong female characters, and the Cosa Nostra.

03:38It's the perfect job for...

03:39Roberto Stanley Tucci.

03:42I grew up in the old country, playing in my mother's olive garden on the island of Boyardee.

03:47My parents had to escape to America in a Panera after the neighbors found out it wasn't delivery.

03:52It was...

03:53Did you know?

03:54Wow.

03:57Yeah, I got a whole backstory for Stanley Tucci.

03:59He's colorblind, bipolar, and he was born without ankles.

04:03Disabilities are total undies bait.

04:05Fine.

04:06You're in.

04:07But this has to happen quick.

04:09The boss is almost full term, and once she goes on maternity leave, we can't touch her for two unpaid weeks.

04:14Summers and I got this.

04:15It's gonna be interesting trying to play someone who's mentally ill.

04:18Mm-hmm.

04:18Real stretch.

04:19You wet farted in there.

04:24I heard it in my new Snoop's by Snoop Dogg.

04:27Ugh.

04:27Don't you have a case to solve?

04:28No.

04:29Kang said all the murders were too adult for me this week.

04:32Aw.

04:33Encyclopedia Brown-Noser is only allowed to handle involuntary manslaughter.

04:38At least I can handle dairy.

04:40Ha ha ha ha!

04:41Hey!

04:44Problem, we have to make sure that nobody...

04:46What's she talking to the mayor about?

04:49I sent it in an email.

04:51Well, this money could be a real...

04:52There's a budget overage.

04:53Martinez has to spend 8K by Friday or lose it.

04:56That's a lot of money.

04:57She's gonna need some help spending that.

04:59Oh, please.

05:00I could spend that in my sleep.

05:02And have.

05:03Once paid my doorman 10 grand to read me a bedtime story and another five to stop.

05:08The Serbian accent was not designed to comfort.

05:11Good night, moon.

05:14We need someone who can move weight.

05:16Can you handle it?

05:17Handle it?

05:18Please.

05:20I spend my life hiding the fact I ain't got no ankles.

05:23Which ain't so easy growing up on the shore.

05:25Every summer, sit in that window, wishing I had something, anything between my shins and my feet.

05:31Just take the drugs and come back with the 50 grand or we kill you.

05:34It's all in the docusign we emailed.

05:41Food!

05:41We got company!

05:42We got company!

05:42Abort!

05:43Abort!

05:46Preggles!

05:47Go!

05:47Shuffle!

05:48Shuffle!

05:51This reeks of the FBI.

05:53And I am not letting those bastards steal any more of my enemies.

05:56I'm asking Martinez to buy me an intestine yarner for the morgue.

06:14Detangling them is impossible to do alone and everyone who works here is a puker.

06:19Apparently the inside of dead bodies have a smell.

06:22I'm gonna ask you for a little sister.

06:23A sister?

06:25What?

06:25I need someone to play around the office while the adults talk about boring stuff like whole grains and interest rates.

06:30Plus, the adoption is tomorrow.

06:32Are you tired of the long, tedious process of adopting children?

06:36Do you enjoy the fast-paced excitement of an art auction?

06:39Then come on down to the Ad Auction.

06:42Grimsburg's number one adoption auction.

06:44This Monday, Monday, Monday.

06:46Where you can meet Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.

06:50Just one of many new orphans available after their parents' tragic demise.

06:54Tragic demise.

06:55Tragic demise.

06:56Ad Auction.

06:57It's like Sotheby's, but weirder.

06:59All adoptions, fine.

06:59Well, backsees.

07:00I bet eight grand gets us no behavioral issues and correctly spaced eyes.

07:05We're getting the intestine uriner.

07:06Nope!

07:07You're wrong there, missy!

07:08We're buying a human child.

07:10I've already named her.

07:11Charlotte Mary Elizabeth Kimbert von Hellmann's the third.

07:17I'm getting my shady allergist to prescribe me growth hormones, and then it's on!

07:26What the?

07:27Where the hell am I?

07:28It's okay.

07:28There was an explosion, and you hit your head hard.

07:31But don't worry.

07:32We're almost at the hospital.

07:33The hospital?

07:34You crazy?

07:35It'll be crawling with cops.

07:36And if there's one thing I hate, it's the cops.

07:39Uh, but we are...

07:41Wait a second.

07:42Remind me of your name one more time.

07:44I am Roberto Stanley Tucci.

07:46A humble cocaine salesman.

07:47Like my father and his father before him.

07:49I guess you could say cocaine is in my blood.

07:53Stream.

07:53I kill me.

07:55And I kill you if you don't take me somewhere safe.

07:59Capisque?

08:02You mean, capi...

08:03Just drive!

08:04What's the deal with this tiny room that has a tiny meatball sub in it?

08:10Oh, that's the apartment from the whale that you...

08:12Uh, that my roommate made.

08:14He makes miniatures.

08:15Any fazool who spends this much time on such tiny details has problems way bigger than Mr.

08:20Whale himself.

08:22Also, this door swings the wrong way.

08:24Grimsburg PD.

08:25I need to speak to Chief Martinez.

08:27Like, now?

08:28Craig, you son of a bot.

08:30You saved my life today.

08:31I don't know who you were to me before the amnesia, but from now on, you are...

08:36My friend.

08:38I am?

08:39Of course.

08:40And to prove it, I'm gonna cook for you.

08:42You like chicken?

08:42I can make parmesan, piccata, milanesa, Vesuvio.

08:46How about a little chicken?

08:48Maniscalco.

08:50I'm not familiar with that dish.

08:51No one is.

08:52But let me tell you, it is shockingly rich.

08:56Summers, everything okay?

08:57Everything okay, friend?

09:00As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be Flute's friend.

09:05Yep, operation's going great.

09:07See you in a week.

09:07Bye.

09:09I finally had the Flute of my dreams.

09:12I'm sure he was suffering from severe head trauma and thought he was a gangster.

09:15But if Melania could make it work, so could I.

09:18Everything Flute would make fun of me for, Stanley Tucci was game to try.

09:23Including games.

09:24Oh!

09:26And the crew loved him, too.

09:28There were Senor Snuggles.

09:30Hey, who's that snuggle?

09:31Camaleo.

09:32I'm a camel.

09:33Pete the Spiller.

09:33And Bill Frogsby.

09:36I got my name before all the bad news came out.

09:39Rip it!

09:40But if John Mulaney taught us anything, it's that everyone has a dark side.

09:44Even a guy who looks like a stretched out ten-year-old.

09:47As fun as this is, nose candy don't sell itself.

09:50Where's that briefcase?

09:52What briefcase?

09:53The one with the 50k of cocaine in it.

09:55You didn't grab it?

09:56The preggos are gonna kill me.

09:58You may as well get Johnny Calkrin to write me a bewil.

10:03Whet me again, I freaking dare ya.

10:06I'm sure we can figure it out.

10:07Maybe you're right.

10:08I'm gonna have to lay low at your place so the preggos don't find me.

10:11I'll also have to bottom bunk it in your room so we can take turns keeping an eye out.

10:15And I have trouble sleeping, so we're probably gonna have to tell each other stories before bed.

10:19Oh, and it wouldn't be the worst idea to get matching PJs in case someone does find us.

10:22They'll be confused at who is who.

10:24You okay with that, pally?

10:26Bunk buddies?

10:27S-s-s-stories?

10:29M-m-matching PJs?

10:32Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

10:38Yeah, I can make that work.

10:40It was perfect.

10:41I had Flute all to myself and nobody at work was the wiser.

10:45There was just one problem.

10:48Stanley Tucci was bipolar, but Flute decided not to research what being bipolar meant.

10:53He worried it would hurt the spontaneity of his performance.

10:55I'm one polar.

10:57Now I'm another polar.

10:59Now I'm Amy polar.

11:00Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

11:02Jealous.

11:07Gregory, good news.

11:09We got everything all set up for the party.

11:11And just like that, the music was about to change again.

11:15Oh my God.

11:18Koo-Jeen, you were holding out on me.

11:21I went to the bedroom to take a snooze.

11:22When I wake up, there's an underground casino popping off in here.

11:25And you got some high rollers.

11:27They all came in asking for 10K markers.

11:29We'll pay back those pregos in no time.

11:31I finally had it all. My best friend, my neighbors, my casino-themed HOA party.

11:38But once again, it was about to not be as good as I was leading you to believe it was going to be at the top of this voiceover.

11:47Way to go, Mrs. Metascoper.

11:53What's going on? I got a calendar invite about a budget meeting.

11:57From me. I've prepared a presentation about the current state of the morgue's equipment.

12:01You can follow along with the agenda that I laminated like an adult business person.

12:06What's wrong with these donuts?

12:07I may have gone a little overboard with the laminator. Let's get started.

12:11As you know, the morgue is a valuable stop along the crime-solving journey.

12:15Uh, don't know how that got in there.

12:20I was trying to learn how to use Photoshop.

12:24Otis!

12:25You ever notice that a lot of weirdos work here?

12:31Another win?

12:34Oh, it's my lucky day!

12:38We got a cheater on our hands.

12:40Mrs. Metascoper? Oh, she's just lucky.

12:43Open your eye holes.

12:44She's got a rain man sitting right next to her.

12:46Look at him counting the cards.

12:48I can practically see the equations dancing around his head.

12:50Now go take care of her before she takes all of her money and the preggos get rid of us.

12:54I don't think I can do that.

12:56I thought you said you were my friend.

12:58And a friend would do anything another friend wants.

13:02Oh, that is what I said earlier.

13:05I'll take care of it.

13:07Attaboy.

13:07Oh, then bring me back her thumbs, friend.

13:10I'm going to kill you with your stupid magnifying glass, and I know how to make it look like an accident.

13:26I come to work to get away from kids screaming.

13:28What's going on in here?

13:30Otis sabotaged my budget presentation.

13:32I know it was wrong, but I'm so bored around here.

13:39Everyone is older than Wi-Fi, and I got nobody to play with.

13:42I wish I had someone like this red-haired 11-year-old orphan.

13:45She needs braces, which is why I think the bids are so low.

13:48Your bidding on orphans? That's really messed up.

13:52But she is pretty adorable.

13:53Wow, a 130 IQ.

13:56Can I have her?

13:57I promise I'll be good.

13:58And find the guy who keeps turning the town wishing well into the wishing toilet.

14:02No! We need to spend the budget overage on an intestine winder.

14:06Budget overage?

14:07How do you know about that?

14:08We overheard you talking with the mayor.

14:10It was Otis' idea.

14:12Was not. Was not. Was not. Was not!

14:14Quiet!

14:15The money has already been spent on a party I'm throwing for the whole office as a reward for the good, honest, unselfish work everyone is doing.

14:24Are you mad at us?

14:26I can't tell if someone is angry unless they're throwing a gin martini at my father.

14:30I'm not mad at you.

14:33I'm disappointed.

14:36Next up we have Daisy Mae who has a green belt in taekwondo and can do a handstand underwater.

14:43Thanks for seeing me, Dr. Pentos.

14:44You're the only doctor I know now that my annual physicals are at Jiffy Lube.

14:48My doctorate is in Russian literature, but I have seen every episode of Grey's Anatomy, so shoot.

14:54Flute hit his head and thinks he's a violent Italian mobster.

14:57Hmm. While the concept is high, the solution is quite low.

15:02All Flute needs is a simple hit to the base of the skull and his memory will return.

15:08Anything else?

15:09You don't have any thumbs lying around, do you?

15:12I have a pinky and two toes.

15:15Hmm?

15:20Did they catch him?

15:21Whoa! You still got thumbs?

15:24Where's Greg?

15:24He said he was going to take care of some gangster.

15:27This is why I adore having a member of the police in the building.

15:31You better be talking about the legendary English rock trio.

15:34I'm talking about Summers.

15:37Oddly enough, that still doesn't clarify things.

15:39Are you talking about Andy Summers, the guitarist for the band The Police?

15:43Or Greg Summers?

15:44The one with the sting!

15:47Still not totally clear.

15:49Greg!

15:52Is that you, friend?

15:59Yes, it's me.

16:01Also, friend.

16:02I was just thinking, now that we can pay back the preggos, I'll probably be leaving soon.

16:07Yes, I suppose it is time for you to go.

16:11I'll never forget how true our friendship was.

16:15You might forget it, but I won't.

16:18We should celebrate!

16:20One last meal before we go our separate ways.

16:23One last meal.

16:25One last meal.

16:27One last meal.

16:28One last meal.

16:30When you say it, it sounds different than mine.

16:34One last meal.

16:36One last meal.

16:37I don't hear it.

16:41I'm bored.

16:43Martinez and Kang are talking about how long it takes their cuts to heal.

16:46Fine.

16:47Hold your arms out.

16:49Okay.

16:49Now what?

16:50This doesn't gross you out.

16:53Nah.

16:54I have a high tolerance for this kind of stuff.

16:56In kindergarten, I subsisted solely on boogers and bugs.

17:01Ah, to be five again.

17:02You know, I could come by and help you anytime you need it.

17:07I could be your intestine winder.

17:10And you do annoy the crap out of me, so I guess I could be your sister.

17:16Hey, do you want to go steal cocaine from the evidence locker and put it in the sugar dispensers in the break room?

17:22Yes.

17:26What the?

17:27This isn't a restaurant.

17:30Ladies, we got heat.

17:33I've got to start keeping this thing in my bra.

17:36Don't shoot.

17:37I brought you something better than money.

17:39One of the cops who tried to take you down.

17:42You're making a big mistake.

17:43You should listen to him.

17:46Detective.

17:47You dropped this last time you were here.

17:50But, but, it's-a me, Roberto.

17:57This can't be.

17:58This must be some sick prank.

18:00What is this?

18:00A new season of jury duty?

18:02Are you James Marsden?

18:03Because if you are, that would be wildly impressive.

18:05And offensive.

18:07I'm your partner.

18:08And you're Marvin Flute.

18:10You call waitresses' toots, hoping they slap you so you feel alive.

18:13You've lobbied to outlaw the elderly.

18:14You have a son.

18:16Stan.

18:16If I had a son, I think I'd remember.

18:19You'd be surprised.

18:20But you're also my best friend.

18:23Now I know you're lying, because a real friend wouldn't have lied to me.

18:26It's true.

18:27I lied just so I could finally know what your friendship felt like.

18:31Which means maybe we never have been anything more than roommates.

18:36Donna will kill you now.

18:42Flute, is it you?

18:43Are you back?

18:44Marron ami, your nose breath stinks.

18:50Hmm.

18:52Phew.

19:02Grimsburg PD, let this be a lesson to you.

19:05Any last words?

19:06Just one.

19:09Push.

19:10Oh, God.

19:11What?

19:12Oh, no.

19:12She's going into labor.

19:14And everybody knows labor is as contagious as a yawn.

19:22Seems you're in a lot of pain, Donna.

19:25You sure you don't want an epidural?

19:26I have a birthing plan.

19:33On a pepperoni farm, I brought many lives into this world.

19:37Mostly sheep, but it's really all the same.

19:39Untie me and I can help.

19:41Do it!

19:42You're all doing great.

19:46And you're all under arrest.

19:49Looks like you're going to jail.

19:51Full term.

19:52Try to top that FBI.

19:54And this year's winner is...

19:57Marvin Flute for Lego My Dregos.

20:04You know, becoming Roberto Stanley Tucci for this operation wasn't all bottles of red and bottles of white like Billy Joe would have you believe at the beginning of that song.

20:12It was more like the second part of that song, where it's fast-paced, hard to keep up, and kind of overstays its welcome when someone picks it at karaoke.