#CinemaJourney
#Family
#Guy
#Family
#Guy
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV.
00:08But where are those good old-fashioned values on which we used to rely?
00:15Lucky is a family guy. Lucky is a man who wants to give his hand to all the things that make us laugh and cry.
00:25He's a family guy!
00:34We now return to Jack Ryan, starring the guy who used to smirk a lot on The Office.
00:40Jack, we launched the drone strike against a terrorist like you suggested, but hit a hospital instead.
00:46What are you doing? Six people died!
00:49Oh, I get it. The joke is his hair isn't fully combed.
00:55Wait, what happened?
00:56Oh, your mom bought an app that cuts power to the TV once I've reached my daily screen time limit.
01:02Peter, the app says that-
01:03I know!
01:04Keep it down, guys. I'm trying to land a 757 in Dubai with a crosswind and a broken landing gear.
01:09For the last week, Brian's been getting into some stupid flight simulator game.
01:13It's not stupid, and I'm fairly amazing at it. Earlier, I landed in Texas. Not gonna tell you the city, cause it affects the joke. But when I landed, I said, Houston, we don't have a problem.
01:24Wait, what was the city?
01:29And another perfect landing. Check it out. Oh, I can't even look at screens over shoulders, Lois said.
01:34Peter, the actress-
01:35Peter, the actress-
01:36I'm not looking!
01:37All right, time to finally organize this closet. Let's see what we got.
01:44Uh, packaging from every Apple product we own, cause it seems too nice to just throw away.
01:50Oh, look, it's Mommy's old Easy-Bake oven from when she was a girl.
01:56If it's not big enough for you to stick your head in, I have no interest.
01:58Stewie, you might like playing with this. Oh, I'll go get a rag to clean it.
02:03Don't bother. I don't need your stupid garbage girl toys from the 1940s, Grandma.
02:08I love trucks and dinosaurs and-
02:09Oh my God, Rupert, I've always wanted an Easy-Bake oven!
02:12Oh, I haven't been this excited since we watched the series finale of Caillou!
02:16Don't stop believing! Hold on to that feeling!
02:40And still like people! Ohhhh!
02:48Don't stop!
02:57Huh, looks like Jerome's switching to all recycled paper goods.
03:00Joe, don't punish us just cause you forgot your phone!
03:03I didn't forget it, I asked Bonnie why she looked so tired and she hooked it in the pool.
03:06Phew, pretty windy out there.
03:08out there feels like 21 knots coming in from the southwest right quagmire what what is this nothing
03:13i'm just talking a little shop with you now that i've officially entered your world entered my
03:18world yeah i've been totally crushing it on this flight simulator app and now i realize flying a
03:24plane is nowhere near as hard as i thought brian don't belittle the expertise my job requires
03:29playing a game on an ipad and flying a commercial airliner are two very different things whoa
03:34running into a bit of headwind here ryan there is no way you could ever do what i do has anybody
03:39ever made a joke about the quality of paper straws because i just thought of a pretty hot take
03:44stewie what is that incredible smell just a simple pizza i thought rupert might like you know since
03:58he's a basic little bitch who shops at filene's well it's delicious almost as good as caserta's
04:05thanks but caserta's is no arturo's ever had arturo's no but nothing can top di patrillo's
04:11mr di patrillo is from sicily and makes all the dough by hand every morning did i tell you i met him
04:18no no i would have remembered because i wouldn't have cared stewie this is amazing pizza you know
04:24i feel like maybe you and i could open up a really successful boutique pizza place are you serious
04:29i'm in but mostly to get a michelin star it's always been my dream to have my culinary talents
04:35validated in print by a tire company
04:37okay and final thing before we push back which six seats do you want to disable the tvs on
04:48morning boys ryan what are you doing only qualified personnel are allowed in here
04:52but why do all pilots leave the door open when people are boarding wait we're supposed to help
04:57hand out mileage plan credit card applications but why are you even here you're going to orlando
05:01yeah i took what you said the other night to heart and i've enrolled in a flight training school in
05:06florida called huffman aviation isn't isn't that where the 9-11 hijackers trained i don't know i just
05:11used a coupon just take your seat i mean would you like to earn 10 000 bonus miles by applying today
05:19for the transnational airlines mastercard
05:21hey there how are you doing just so you know as of this year i'm allowed to hit you as hard as i can
05:29out of my way
05:30jim are you okay i think he's got food poisoning must have been that sack lunch of leftover shrimp
05:38from his niece's wedding well thank god you didn't have any actually he kept waving the bag in my face
05:43and asking does this taste funny to you i didn't want to be rude oh it's coming don't worry quagmire
05:50i can take over are you crazy you could never in a million oh son of a bitch damn it get out of the
05:56way i'm gonna have to take a boy band what does that mean in sync i also would have accepted back
06:01streak boys and it's definitely coming out at 98 degrees in one direction in any case it's all gonna
06:08sound and smell terrible i'm taking over no brian don't you touch anything look i got this ladies
06:15and gentlemen prepare for landing
06:17hey my tv stopped working and now mine's working
06:25lower your flaps more and ease off the throttle
06:36roger that
06:37i don't believe it he actually pulled it off welcome to orlando and as a reminder there are a few
07:03passengers who have a very short turnaround to meet their drug dealers so if you could clear the
07:07aisle and let them off first that'd be great excuse me pardon me thank you thank you guys
07:12today we honor two brave citizens who showed coolness under pressure to get that plane safely
07:24on the ground now if someone or hold these giant scissors i needed them for the thing before this
07:29and the thing after this but not for this brian glenn please accept these keys to the city
07:36a lot about being mayor is having enormous junk drawer things
07:40gentlemen tom tucker channel 5 news quite an honor for you two today is there a question in there
07:48honestly tom i was just grateful to be on scene and able to help terrific so two-part question for
07:53both of you brian does the weather outside today seem comfortable no and glenn if you were a producer
07:59and you said to your talent that it was comfortable outside coulda brought a coat tom i'm not your
08:03mother well that'll do it from city hall this is tom tucker reporting live on the scene because it's
08:08close to my son's karate thing hi you two i'm keith the lowest level executive possible from
08:13transnational airlines listen you two are great on camera together and people love this feel-good
08:18story of heroism we'd like to send you both on a multi-state press tour to share your story
08:24really that'd be amazing i don't know it'll be great p.r you saved a ton of lives you're actually
08:30friends and we could use something like this after that toilet flush sucked in a baby yeah i'm not
08:35sure a press tour and i forgot to mention that as a pilot you are contractually obligated to
08:41represent the airline to the media oh come on quagmire we might actually have fun together on a press
08:46tour i mean crazier things have happened look at pete davidson's love life i just text them back
08:51promptly that's it that's the secret stewie the line is huge how did we get so many customers right
09:05out of the gate oh i i see you're calling us a pop-up oh yeah you do that and white people go
09:11freaking crazy i saw this place on facebook i saw it on tiktok i read a blurb in parade magazine did
09:17you know leanne rhymes is happier than she's ever been can i get a slice okay let's start with the
09:22easy one we don't do slices next you can start by scanning the qr code to enter yourself in the
09:27raffle oh is that an android here what's this your website no it's the number for dominoes take a hike
09:34idiot dominoes we meet the legal definition of pizza
09:38pharmacy refill a prescription refill a prescription representative speak to a representative will
09:53you quit doing personal crap and focus on our interview okay we're almost ready but just so
09:58we get the on-screen labels correct you're the one who landed the plane and you're the one who pooped in
10:02the sink welcome back to good morning akron ohio's only opioid free morning show brian glenn how do
10:13you prepare for an emergency like this well all pilots are highly trained there's no training for
10:17a moment like this you're just relying on pure gut instinct but when you've landed at as many
10:22airports as i have on an ipad you draw on that experience it's an app that costs 2.99 to the point
10:27where it's almost like muscle memory you can also get the app for free but you have to sit through a lot
10:31of ads for the army these guys are good we gotta get this on the road wheels up jack it's jacqueline
10:37now and back to hr i go you know when you take off you never think you're gonna see your pilot
10:43pooping in the sink but a real hero knows that's when you have to step up well it's a good question
10:48but i think i knew within a couple of minutes of taking the first bite you only end up using like
10:52three of those buttons i thought those guys were like geniuses well i've read that shrimp is actually
10:57supposed to be cooked to 140 degrees fahrenheit
11:03i can't do the noises but you you get it
11:07diarrhea diarrhea diarrhea i can't do the noises but you get it
11:12stewie check it out dave portnoy from bar school sports just tweeted he's coming to our restaurant
11:21tomorrow to do one of his one bite pizza reviews awesome who's dave portnoy he's like if a high
11:27school athlete got one genie wish but he also happens to be one of the most influential pizza
11:33place king makers on the internet really chris that's fantastic i know and we better get started
11:39now because he likes his pizza extra crispy uh what was that oh this is not good the light bulb in the
11:50easy bake oven burned out that's fine we have tons of light bulbs in the house chris we're in trouble
11:55this is a custom bulb from the 1960s it's 200 watts and made with 40 lead there's literally nobody who
12:02would have a light bulb this old there might be one person oh there you are jesse
12:14man arnie is so excited for you guys to do this ad for him so what now we're pitch men guys this is
12:26free advertising for the airline and we could use the distraction we uh we dragged another asian doctor
12:31off a plane okay let's roll it hi i'm local hero brian griffin and i'm gland diarrhea quagmire if you're
12:39looking to buy a car you want to make a smooth landing not take a dump in the sink that's right
12:45so come on down to brockner toyota for some explosive deals if you're hunting for a car don't pull a
12:51quagmire sorry what the hell is this oh mr brockner always likes to have some humor in his ads humor
12:58some fat guy pretending to be me pooping in a sink is the humor damn it brian that's enough i was in the
13:04military and i have worked for 25 years in aviation my whole life i dreamed that someday maybe i'd even
13:10have my own sully sullenberger moment but it'll never happen now have you tried googling me it's just
13:15this yeah wow and if you google image diarrhea it's just pictures of you and george brett not only am i
13:23not getting the respect i deserve but i'm the punchline in a story where you're the hero you you know what
13:29i quit but you can't quit the press tour it's in your contract plus we still got one more event to
13:34do oh i'm finishing the press tour a pilot always lands the plane i meant that i quit being a pilot
13:40where are you going to be alone and think
13:49this is how pilots do it
13:50i bought a mattress at the wrong store don't quagmire the bed shop the wikipog sleep outlet
14:03this mattress commercial feels very similar to that car commercial
14:09what the hell's quagmire doing it looks like he's throwing away all his pilot uniforms yeah he uh he
14:16said he was quitting his job i think the press tour has been a little rough on him he's throwing
14:20out the pants too those are just blue pants someone could wear those rough on him in in what way i
14:25don't know like maybe he feels bad i stole his thunder by landing his plane this shirt with those blue
14:30pants could be a sweet look for the club well i watched those interviews brian you weren't exactly
14:36gracious to him or maybe the night before a wedding i'm getting those pants lois this is not my fault
14:41was i supposed to not land that plane and come on it's not like quagmire's a saint you know what
14:46he's like yes we all know the bad things about quagmire but you took away his one good thing
14:51if nothing else he's always been an outstanding pilot it's the only thing anyone ever respected
14:56about him lois is right brian wearing that pilot's hat means something it's one of the few remaining
15:01hat jobs you guys are right i gotta fix things with quagmire in fact i'm gonna see him tomorrow
15:08for our last press appearance and i know just how to make things better is the room getting spinny to
15:14anyone else peter take those pants off i can't my arms are numb so what's the plan we just ask for one
15:23of his light bulbs from the 1960s oh no way mr herbert's really weird about his possessions he
15:29lived through the depression so he hangs on to everything oh well look who it is do come in what
15:39brings you boys by actually mr herbert i uh noticed a new mole on my thigh and wanted to ask if it looks
15:47misshapen to you well let's have a little look-see oh
16:01there's not one book in here that's a real book
16:21ah damn it there it is what do you think merciful heavens ah got it do you hear those muffled cries
16:40in the next room it's the tv it doesn't sound like we've got pizza to make it's the tv
16:45look i know you're still mad but this is our last event so let's make the best of it
16:56oh my god is he okay say will you look at that seems like maybe it's someone's big chance to step
17:05up and be the hero what what's going on i may have unplugged his insulin pump but i'm guessing
17:11somebody knows how to drive this thing why the hell would i know how to drive a boat
17:15i don't i mean isn't it all kind of the same thing
17:19you really quagmired this whole thing brian oh god now i'm doing it
17:28dave portnoy's gonna be here any minute to do his review oh god i think that's him
17:39hey how you doing dave portnoy from boston sports wow welcome mr portnoy ah come on please call me
17:46dave mr portnoy is how i'm referred to in court documents well we are very excited for you to
17:51one bite review our pizza dave
17:55whoa spectacular undercarriage zero flop i am hopeful
18:01oh this pizza's amazing once i post my review you guys will have a line from here to boston filled
18:08with nothing but ufc fans and insurrectionists did you hear that stewie we're gonna be rich
18:13sorry but the health department sent me over to ask a few questions okay do you have a business
18:19license no do you have proper refrigeration no did either of you wash your hands before making this
18:25pizza no have either of you ever washed your hands no are either of you currently crapping your pants
18:31yes a little bit yes okay listen i'm not here to give you a hard time you're a small business i'm
18:36willing to let this stuff slide oh well there's one other question here do you have a handicap access
18:41ramp no you people are animals i'm shutting this place down
18:46well chris we had a good run we sure did hey meg where'd you get those pants
18:53they were just on the ground well i'm off to the club
18:57come on stupid boat okay think if i can just point us a bit more that way
19:06oh crap it's the block island ferry
19:08oh snap don't try to appear young right now
19:13damn it brian look what you did what the hell were you thinking i'm so sorry quagmire
19:40i just saw how much you'd been hurt by all that had happened and i guess i just wanted to give you
19:45your sully sullenberger moment i clearly screwed that up but the truth is you're a hero every day
19:50just by getting people safely to their destination oh wow thanks brian and hey on the bright side you
19:58saved all these people on the duck boat the media will definitely recognize you as a hero now
20:02a duck boat helmed by local diarrhea celebrity glenn quagmire collided with a ferry today blocking
20:09the only shipping lane into quahog harbor the complete blockage will result in months long
20:13delays in the delivery of goods including shipments of hops for beer making acne medicine
20:18and hair dye for men
20:19this used to be a town where a man could keep a secret
20:24well brian thanks to you every store shelf in town is empty but at least you landed that plane
20:35no one can ever take that away from you
20:37the faa released data today from the black box of a plane that recently saw an emergency landing
20:42by civilian passenger brian griffin according to the newly recovered data the airplane's autopilot system
20:48actually landed the plane and not brian that's our show for tonight and now the channel 5 theme music
20:55while our audio guy forgets to mute my mic anyway as i was saying in exchange for sex i'll help advance
21:02your career
21:03your career