Surviving episodes playlist:
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https://dailymotion.com/playlist/x9pb9s
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TVTranscript
00:00Florence was waiting for Zebedee.
00:25He arrived.
00:27Hello, Zebedee, said Florence.
00:31Hello, Florence, said Zebedee.
00:35Shall we go?
00:38Why not, said Florence.
00:43In the garden, Ermintrude had come to visit Dougal at his antique shop.
00:50I hope you've come to buy, said Dougal.
00:54Buy? said Ermintrude.
00:56Yes, buy, said Dougal.
00:58That's what a shop is for.
01:02Dougal's antique shop wasn't what you might call ordinary.
01:06Stop it.
01:16Stop it, you fools.
01:17Oh, dear.
01:28There was one thing in Dougal's shop which was marvellous.
01:40An old cannon.
01:41My best piece, said Dougal.
01:44Only 5,473 pounds to you, including that, of course.
01:51Is it old? said Ermintrude.
01:54Old? shrieked Dougal.
01:55It was used by Napoleon.
01:58What for, dear heart? said Ermintrude.
02:02But before Dougal could answer, the cannon got very agitated.
02:08Napoleon! it boomed.
02:10Absolute rubbish!
02:11I'm a British cannon, British to the core.
02:17Oh.
02:18I think you've upset it, dear dog, said Ermintrude.
02:22Oh, fiddle-de-dee, said Dougal.
02:25But it's pointing at me, said Ermintrude.
02:29Oh, really, said Dougal.
02:31But he decided to move the cannon, just in case.
02:41And he gave it a bit of a dust, just to calm it down.
02:46Don't do that, you absolute bounder, roared the cannon.
02:49We cannons hate being dusted, it's so humiliating, and it makes us sneeze.
02:59Was that absolutely necessary, said Dougal, icily?
03:06Hello, said Brian.
03:08Now, don't you start, said Dougal.
03:11Never point guns at people, said Brian.
03:14It's dangerous.
03:15What about pointing them at snails, said Dougal, evilly.
03:21Loading the gun with a piece of sugar.
03:25Florence arrived.
03:27Stand back, said Dougal.
03:34Who did that?
03:35What absolute cad did that?
03:38Bounder!
03:39Excuse me, said Dougal.
03:41No good will come of this, said Brian.
03:47They've done it again!
03:50Someone's going to be court-martialed for this!
03:54Oh, go off, said Dougal, giggling.
04:02What's the army coming to?
04:04I don't think it's very happy, said Florence.
04:09I don't see why not, said Dougal.
04:11It's got a lump of sugar, which is more than I have.
04:16And there's no war on.
04:18Well, not here, anyway.
04:21No war on!
04:22No war on!
04:23Great balls of fire!
04:25Oh, dear, said Florence.
04:29Did he go off, said Ermentrude, trembling.
04:34Very off, said Brian.
04:37Well, that's that, said Florence.
04:41Oh, dear.
04:42I'll never be promoted now.
04:44Still a lance corporal.
04:46How humiliating.
04:48Oh, dear, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll never be, I'll