#ShowFilm98
#Polyfamily
#Polyfamily
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00♪♪
00:10♪♪
00:20♪♪
00:34I'm going to lunch with my mom today to catch up and fill her in on everything that's been happening.
00:39She's my best friend, so I can talk to her about anything.
00:42How are you?
00:43Happy to have some time with you.
00:46Alone time.
00:47This week has been really s***y.
00:49Sean and Alicia are having a hard time, and we recently found out about Quentin's blood type,
00:54which indicates that Tyler would be his biological father.
00:57Sean was pretty upset by the whole thing.
00:59Sean and Tyler have talked things out, but everybody's just kind of on edge.
01:03So how are the guys?
01:05There's just been a little bit of drama.
01:07What's going on, if you want to share?
01:10Well, we went to Quentin's doctor's appointment.
01:13He told us his blood type was O-, which is Tyler's blood type.
01:18Okay.
01:19And Sean drew the conclusion that that means that Tyler would be his biological father
01:24because it's the same blood type.
01:26Okay.
01:27I know how important it was for them to not know that information.
01:31So the fact that they found out when they didn't want to, gosh, it just, yeah,
01:38it just makes me feel sad for them.
01:41So just because Tyler has the same blood type, like, how do you guys actually know that?
01:46Sean looked it up.
01:48So I don't remember a whole lot about blood types and all that from nursing school,
01:52but O is the universal blood type, so nobody looked up if two Bs can make an O?
02:00Or what did he?
02:02My mom went to nursing school, so of course she knows a lot about blood type.
02:06But I didn't think to ask her for the same reason I didn't look it up myself
02:09is because I didn't want to know in the first place.
02:12It did not ever cross my mind that Sean could be wrong on something as big as this.
02:23Can I read this to you?
02:26Do I want to hear it?
02:29Yeah.
02:30Stop.
02:33Parents who both have type B can have a child with either type O or B.
02:43Christ.
02:48Okay, problem solved.
02:50Do you know how many tears that I have?
02:53You should have just asked your mom.
02:55Jeez.
02:56Throw the whole man away.
02:59I'm not sure how Sean got this wrong.
03:01My mom took 60 seconds of an online search and had it figured out,
03:06so I don't know what he looked up, but this is one time I'm glad that he was wrong.
03:11What do you do with this?
03:13I mean, I have to tell the quad.
03:15Yeah.
03:16I want the tea.
03:17Should we FaceTime you in?
03:19No.
03:20Should we tell them to meet us over here?
03:22No.
03:23This is your moment.
03:25I don't know if I want it.
03:28I'm really nervous to have to bring this to the quad.
03:31I have no idea what to expect as far as their reactions.
03:34I don't know if Tyler will be disappointed,
03:36but I would hate for there to be resentment left between the guys.
03:47Good job. Keep shooting.
03:48You don't know sarcasm.
03:49I'm used to sarcasm. That's like Sean's number one communication.
03:53Well, they have a lot of similar personalities.
03:55No, I'm mostly sarcasm and movie quotes.
03:57Lex and Chris are a polyamorous couple that we met online a couple years ago,
04:02and our families have gotten really close.
04:04Hey, Chris, Dylan's bike's under there if he wants to ride it.
04:07Yeah, we were trying to decide if he's ever ridden a bike before.
04:09Well, you're going to find out. Give him a bike.
04:10Well, I mean, I guess. Why not?
04:11They're in town for the weekend, so we want to spend as much time together as possible.
04:15Where'd your boot go? Mama.
04:18I'm planning to talk to the quad about what my mom and I found out about Quinton's blood type
04:23as soon as I can get some alone time with him.
04:25I should give you all the hats that are too small for him.
04:27You should, because she's tiny.
04:29I feel like Lex and I have always had a more than friends connection that we've never explored.
04:34Truthfully, I've always been drawn to Lex ever since I saw her online.
04:37And when we met in person, we definitely had chemistry.
04:41We became really fast friends, and our friendships just kind of grown into a connection.
04:48Here, Daddy, hold her while I get this off of her.
04:51Within polyamory, there can be lots of different relationship dynamics.
04:54Lex and Chris have previously dated in a triad or a throuple,
04:58which is where they both dated the same person at the same time.
05:05Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm going to get it.
05:08I'm Lex, or Alexis.
05:10I'm Chris. I'm Christopher. Yeah. And I'm her husband.
05:15Are you? I'm just kidding.
05:16Yeah. What day is it?
05:18We have been polyamorous for five years now.
05:21We had two long-term polytriad relationships,
05:25and I feel like overall it didn't work out because I always felt like they were more into him than me.
05:33You're just so amazing. They take you. No, I'm just kidding.
05:38We're supposed to play with the light. No, we don't play with the lights.
05:42So how are things going in your relationship with you and Chris?
05:46For sure.
05:47We want to, like, date outside of each other, and I don't know.
05:51I'm kind of, like, nervous, scared, like, because we're not, like, sharing a person.
05:56How was it for you guys when you first, like, let your person be without
06:02or date somebody outside of you, I guess, like, that you didn't share?
06:06Dating separately, you're going to find, like, a whole bunch of new insecurities,
06:11potentially, that you haven't experienced yet.
06:15It's a learning curve, and it's really hard at the beginning to kind of figure it out
06:19because none of us had been in this type of relationship before,
06:22so we were all trying to kind of figuring it out, and it was really rocky at the beginning.
06:26Now that Lex and Chris are open to dating separately,
06:29of course I do wonder what a relationship with her and I could look like,
06:32but it's really scary to think about having feelings for someone else.
06:36I don't want my partners to feel like they can't meet my needs,
06:41so as much as I'd want to pursue an organic connection like this,
06:45I don't know how the quad would react, and I'm not ready to have that conversation yet.
06:51It took me a while to figure out my boundary when it came to
06:54hearing about the other partner's physical intimacy.
06:57I've learned from that, from, like, the very beginning,
07:00that I don't do well with knowing the details of it.
07:02Like, I get that nobody else is bothered by it, but I've established that I am.
07:07Yeah.
07:09Sean and I have not been on good terms lately.
07:11I was hurt with him not respecting my boundaries when it comes to intimate details,
07:16not only with him and Taya, but any intimate details of other people's relationships.
07:22I end up just comparing my relationships to their relationships, and that's not healthy.
07:27And to find out information when I already know that my intimacy with my partner
07:32is not where I want it to be just kind of adds salt to the wound, and it hurts even more.
07:37There's other things that are going on as well,
07:40and I'm worried now that we might not get back to where we were in the beginning,
07:45and I don't know how to get there.
07:57You know what you want?
07:58I've never been here before.
07:59Nor have I.
08:00Lex and Chris are visiting some friends, and my mom is watching the kids
08:05so that I can tell everyone that Sean did his research wrong,
08:08and actually him or Tyler could be Quentin's biological father.
08:12This is so good.
08:14Our first date was going out for ice cream.
08:15It was, with half my floor mates in my dorm.
08:19So, um, I have something to share.
08:26Okay.
08:32Making me nervous.
08:33Are you going to share it?
08:36Tyler might not be Quentin's biological father.
08:47My mom helped me do some research, and in any scenario,
08:54either with you or with Tyler,
08:59Quentin could have a B blood type or an O blood type.
09:06Okay, what did you put in?
09:08I know you don't like to be wrong.
09:11I think Tay is full of s***, so I checked myself.
09:14What did you put in?
09:15The possibilities of two B blood type parents.
09:18The possibilities are B or O, even with two B parents.
09:27That's true.
09:28That's the first thing that comes up.
09:31They did it before.
09:32Sean, how did you get this wrong?
09:35When I did my research, I put in my blood type, which is B,
09:38and put in Quentin's blood type, which is O,
09:42so the research told me that that can't be possible,
09:45that a B can't produce an O.
09:47So I ran with it.
09:48B's can make O's.
09:50I don't know what I Googled, but yeah.
09:54And you learn how to do research better, evidently.
09:56Never was my strong suit.
09:59Are you okay?
10:01Are you okay?
10:07Is there a part of you that's disappointed?
10:11You know, I mean, he does look like me.
10:16I did have sex with Taya, so he might still be my biological kid,
10:20but at the end of the day, he's my kid no matter what.
10:23It is nice that we can tell people that say,
10:25you must know who the father is.
10:27We can actually say, no, actually we don't.
10:29Yeah, we have no clue.
10:30For sure we don't.
10:31Look, there's a part of me that wants to be like,
10:33what the f***, Sean?
10:34You accuse me of spilling our son's biology,
10:37but at the same time, this whole situation has really forced Sean and I
10:41to look at our relationship, our friendship,
10:43and see what needs improving.
10:45So I'm really hoping this can be a turning point for us
10:47and we'll come out better in the end.
10:50Maybe if you would have talked to me when this first happened,
10:55like we could have looked it up together,
10:56and I could have helped to solidify the answer or not.
11:00I was with Sean when we got the text about blood type,
11:03and he didn't bring it up.
11:05So when I found out that Sean looked it up
11:07and confirmed that Tyler was the biological father,
11:10again, it wouldn't even cross my mind to double check that
11:13because he already looked it up,
11:15and I didn't even think that that was something that I needed to do.
11:20I really wish that Sean would have just came to me,
11:24could have spared all of us this rollercoaster.
11:27I don't think that Sean is going to start just confiding in me
11:31because that's not what he does.
11:33If I want anything to change, I know I'm going to have to bring it up to him,
11:36even though that terrifies me.
11:40I just wish you could see my perspective more,
11:42like not wanting to hear about your intimate relations with Te'a.
11:46Knowing that Te'a and Sean have sex
11:48and that him and I really haven't been intimate in a while,
11:51it makes me assume that there's something wrong.
11:53In our relationship, does he not find me attractive?
11:56What am I doing wrong?
11:59I'm excited because I have something I want to talk to you about.
12:03I think you're awesome, and I like low-key am crushing.
12:07I'm just curious if you feel the same.
12:16Whoa!
12:19Yay!
12:20Yay!
12:23What are you doing?
12:31Hello.
12:32Hi.
12:33What are you doing?
12:35I definitely feel distant from Sean
12:37and just kind of sad about his and my relationship and where we are right now.
12:44Nothing's going to change if he doesn't know
12:46that I'm kind of going through all of these things.
12:50I feel like I need to have a conversation with Sean
12:52to see if he's wanting to work on it because it doesn't feel like it.
12:57I kind of wanted to just talk.
12:58About?
13:00Feelings.
13:02Okay.
13:03I feel like it needs to happen.
13:05All right.
13:08I just feel like we've been kind of disconnected lately.
13:11I just feel like we haven't gotten along about my dad's stuff.
13:15I mean...
13:16That's an ongoing issue of yours and mine.
13:18It's an ongoing issue because of how the situation is making you feel.
13:21I don't think that what's happening is right
13:23and I'm not going to be the one to not tell you that.
13:26I want you to see the other side of it.
13:28I know.
13:29Sometimes your level and brand of honesty is not what I need though.
13:34But then what do you want?
13:36Comfort.
13:37I don't care if you know if it's going to work out or not.
13:39I want to know that you are willing to comfort me and make me feel better.
13:44That's what I'm always going to do.
13:45I know.
13:46I don't want to hear your perspective more
13:47when it comes to like opposing views on things like that
13:50or like my boundaries considering
13:52like not wanting to hear about your intimate relations with Tayan
13:56and then you kind of like brag about it a little bit or like...
13:59I see. I didn't think...
14:00I thought it was just like information just telling about the appointment.
14:04It just kind of felt really uncomfortable.
14:07Knowing that Tayan and Sean had sex
14:09and that him and I really haven't been intimate in a while
14:12it's like I can't help but compare myself to that.
14:15Not being intimate with Sean
14:16just like it makes me assume that there's something wrong in our relationship.
14:20Like does he not find me attractive?
14:23What am I doing wrong?
14:26In that scenario, if it brings up a feeling for you, talk to me about it.
14:30Like I don't want you to be sad by it.
14:32Do you feel like you intentionally didn't tell me
14:35about your feelings about the whole DNA thing?
14:38No. Honestly, I don't know.
14:40Maybe I texted Tay because she was there
14:42and then she could yell at Tyler for me so I didn't have to.
14:44I don't know.
14:45Yeah, it was just hard hearing about it
14:47after the fact that you felt the need to text Tayan
14:49and you couldn't talk to me when I was right there.
14:52Naturally, I do default to Tayan because she's my wife.
14:56We've been together for almost nine years now.
14:58It's easy. It's my muscle memory.
15:00So I can see where Alicia's coming from.
15:03It must suck to have your partner go somewhere else
15:07when they're in a moment of hurt or vulnerability or anything like that.
15:11You want to be that person.
15:13Sometimes I do feel like I have to censor myself around Alicia.
15:17I don't feel like I can fully open up to her
15:19because if I say the wrong thing, then I might upset her.
15:23But I just wasn't aware that it hurt her as much as it does.
15:28It wasn't done intentionally.
15:30It's not intentional.
15:31I think it's like subconscious, almost, that I'm not your person.
15:34I love you. I wouldn't be here with you.
15:37I wouldn't still be doing this with you
15:39if you weren't somebody who I wanted in my life.
15:42It's not about Tay as number one, you're number two.
15:44It's like you're both the most important things in my life.
15:49You know, in polyamory, it's important to keep your partners the same.
15:53Like, I may love them differently,
15:55but they're still both equal partners to me.
15:57I need to make sure that I focus on that.
16:01I don't feel like we're the same people we were at the beginning.
16:04We shouldn't be the same people we were at the beginning.
16:08Well, I don't feel like our relationship is where it was.
16:11It just feels so far off.
16:14Yeah, but do you want to work on it or not?
16:22Yeah, as long as we do.
16:25Well, of course I want to work on it,
16:26but it's probably not going back to the way it was,
16:28but it doesn't mean we can't have things like it used to be.
16:33There's a lot to overcome when it comes to Sean and I,
16:36and it's a little overwhelming to think about how far we need to go.
16:40I definitely think this conversation is a good start,
16:43but that's all that it is, is just a start.
16:46How about we start by doing a redo of our last date?
16:50Okay, I can plan this one.
16:52All right.
16:57Oh.
16:58Nope.
17:01It's like our love.
17:11Yay!
17:12Whee!
17:13So much chaos.
17:15Okay, I should chase after my other kid.
17:17What one?
17:18Rochelle.
17:19Oh, she's in there.
17:20Okay, okay, okay.
17:22Since our friends Lex and Chris are still in town,
17:25we decided to take the kids to an indoor playground.
17:27Are you hungry? You want to come sit?
17:29They all get along really well, so I think it'll be a blast.
17:35Do you need me to take him?
17:36Do you want to nurse him or should I get a bubble?
17:38Do you need a boob?
17:40He's hungry.
17:41Me too.
17:42Hang out with your friend.
17:43Oh, he's letting you hang out with me.
17:45Lex and I talk on the phone almost every day,
17:47and I do feel myself starting to develop feelings for her.
17:51Those feelings are a lot easier to ignore when she's 12 hours away,
17:55but having her here in person,
17:57it definitely makes those feelings a little bit more real.
18:00Can you keep an eye on her?
18:01Yeah.
18:02So we can go down the slide?
18:03Yeah, go.
18:05Now's our chance.
18:06Now's our chance.
18:07Break, break.
18:11How do you feel right now?
18:12How am I feeling right now?
18:14Well, I mean, she's pretty amazing.
18:16One, she's adorable, but her knowledge, like her playfulness,
18:19like her funness, and then her understanding of her partners,
18:22love that.
18:23You know, she's totally, she's a hot mom.
18:26Okay, you go up first because I don't want you checking out my butt.
18:30I'm just kidding.
18:32I know how Taya flirts.
18:33Like, I've seen those movies before,
18:34so there definitely is flirtation going on.
18:36Like, that's for sure.
18:37It's just what level.
18:38Like, my brain isn't quite sure what's going on right now.
18:43Oh, my God.
18:44My back hurts.
18:45God, take me out for a drink before you break my back.
18:49Oh, my God.
18:59Charlie.
19:00Good boy.
19:01If he takes off, your hand's going to get pinched
19:03if you're grabbing onto the metal buckle.
19:05He's not going to take off, but...
19:06No, he's not.
19:07He would never.
19:08No, because he's an angel horse, aren't you, Charlie?
19:12How have things been going with your dad lately?
19:14Any progress there?
19:16No.
19:17Like, I know I need to call him,
19:18but I just haven't done it because I'm anxious.
19:22I talked to the quad a little while ago
19:24about reaching out to my dad.
19:26They definitely have some reservations,
19:28but ultimately they decided to support me.
19:31I need to call him about being inclusive
19:34of all of the grandkids,
19:35but I can't force someone to accept my family unit.
19:40So if he's not receptive of my boundaries,
19:43I don't know how many more times I can try.
19:46When are you going to talk to him?
19:48You mind if I call him right now while you're here so that...
19:50No, that's fine.
19:51I have support when I get off the phone?
19:52Sure.
19:53I think that Alicia's brave for continually
19:55putting herself out there and reaching out to her dad.
19:57As much as I want to protect Alicia from this
19:59and not ever feel that pain of rejection or defeat,
20:03I know that she needs to try.
20:06It's just really hard because you want to protect
20:09people you love.
20:11And I love Alicia.
20:13You got this.
20:15♪♪♪♪
20:18Hey, Dad.
20:21♪♪♪♪
20:31Hey, Dad.
20:33♪♪♪♪♪
20:39How'd it go?
20:41I finally told my dad that he needs to treat
20:46all my kids as equals, even the ones I didn't birth,
20:49and that Sean and Taya needed to be treated as parents,
20:51just as Tyler and I are treated as parents.
20:55And he didn't take that well.
20:58He doesn't understand it.
21:00He thinks of the children I birthed
21:02as his biological grandchildren
21:04and that Carver and Quentin are not.
21:07I love you.
21:10I love you, too.
21:12I feel like this was the most basic,
21:16easiest thing I could ask for,
21:18and it feels like I'm asking too much of him.
21:23Want to tell me about it?
21:25Well, I feel like I need to tell you and Sean and Taya
21:28at the same time, because I really don't want to go
21:30through it multiple times.
21:31That's fair.
21:32So I'll text them and see if they're in a place
21:34to be able to come outside.
21:36Okay.
21:37It's way easier to talk to everybody all at once,
21:40not having to repeat myself,
21:42and that it's all one message to them at the same time
21:45is the way I wish I could communicate everything to them.
21:49He was defensive right off the bat,
21:51and I thought that this was such a small ask of him.
21:54I'm sorry.
21:55Yeah.
21:56I'm not okay with the kids being treated differently.
21:59And he said something about, you know,
22:01his biological grandchildren, and I reminded him
22:03I'm doing everything in my power to adopt the younger kids.
22:07Thankfully, we met a lawyer who makes it sound like
22:10it's going to be possible and she's going to help us
22:12to be able to adopt the non-biological children,
22:15but it doesn't happen overnight.
22:17It's going to take a while.
22:18I would hope that by making it legal
22:22that that would change my dad's mind,
22:24but honestly, by that point in time,
22:26it might be too late for me.
22:29I don't know what else I can do.
22:31Yeah.
22:32I hope that one day he reaches out.
22:34I really do.
22:35I just don't know when and if that's going to happen.
22:38Even though my dad is my last living parent,
22:40I don't have any choice but to sacrifice
22:43my relationship with him.
22:44The squad is my family.
22:45They're the most important thing to me in my life,
22:48and I can't imagine my life without them.
22:51Charlie, give them a hug.
22:52Come on.
22:53Come here.
22:54There you go.
22:55There.
22:56You are a good boy.
22:58Yeah, my goodness.
23:00Hi.
23:01Welcome in.
23:02Hi.
23:03Good to see you.
23:04This is why I'm over here.
23:05Oh, nice.
23:06Yeah.
23:07Shawn and Alicia are on a date,
23:08and Tyler's home with the kids,
23:09but they all encourage me to have a night out with Lex
23:12because she's only in town for a few short days.
23:16I'm doing it.
23:17I'm doing it.
23:18I'm doing it.
23:19I'm doing it.
23:20I'm doing it.
23:21I'm doing it.
23:22I'm doing it.
23:23I'm doing it.
23:24I'm doing it.
23:25I'm doing it.
23:26I'm doing it.
23:27I'm doing it.
23:28Do we have a bedtime?
23:29What time do we need to be home?
23:31We don't have one.
23:32No.
23:33So the boys are just that cool this weekend.
23:35Look at them go.
23:36I love it.
23:38I'm excited that we're out
23:39because I have something I want to talk to you about,
23:41but I don't know how to talk to you about it,
23:43so I'm probably just going to be, like,
23:45an awkward person and tell you in an awkward way.
23:52I think you know what I'm talking about,
23:54but, like, I don't.
23:55It's been hard for me to say.
23:58I think you're awesome, and I, like, low-key am crushing,
24:02and I don't really know what to do with that
24:06or how, like, your people would feel
24:08or how you feel, really.
24:12That was hard to come out of my mouth.
24:14I'm just curious if you feel the same.
24:20It makes me feel validated and excited
24:25and terrified at the same time.
24:29Agreed.
24:30Agreed.
24:33I have been trying to deny my feelings for Lex.
24:36I think a crush initially can be pretty innocent,
24:39but knowing that it goes both ways
24:42makes things a little bit more real,
24:44and I'm scared of what that means.
24:48Do you feel the same way?
24:49Like, is it worth me having more conversations
24:52with my person, I guess?
24:55I don't know.
24:56My worry with, like, bringing up this conversation
24:59is, like, not being able to go back.
25:01Yeah.
25:02There's a lot of scary things that are coming to mind.
25:05I'm scared of how the guys are going to react.
25:08I mean, even how Alicia's going to react,
25:11and I really don't want to ruffle feathers.
25:14The logistics of it seems...
25:18The logistics of it sounds scary,
25:20because, like, honestly, we don't live in the same state,
25:23and we have families and kids.
25:25I feel like my...
25:28being able to commit to, like, any expectations is scary.
25:35I think the unknown is scary.
25:38And all I want is everybody to be happy
25:41and everybody to be on the same page
25:44and have everybody's blessing.
25:47The whole point of polyamory is to be able
25:49to establish these connections.
25:51And with the guys, there's just some things that...
25:57that they're not going to be able to do for me
25:59when it comes to my sexuality and them being males.
26:04But when Sean and I initially had these conversations,
26:08we were just talking about being physical.
26:11Like, it was lighthearted. It was fun.
26:13I mean, I'm not just talking about hooking up with somebody.
26:16I'm talking about having real feelings for them.
26:18So there's a lot to lose.
26:20But I feel like I owe it to both of us
26:22to have a conversation with my partners
26:24and just see how things go
26:26and what the future could look like.
26:29Cheers, man.
26:34When I had dinner with Lex,
26:36she told me that she has feelings for me,
26:39and I think I have feelings for her too.
26:41We don't date outside of the four of us,
26:43so are we talking about changing that, or what does that mean?
26:49♪♪
26:53Here it is.
26:59Hi. Hi. Come on in.
27:02I recently had a conversation with Sean
27:04about our relationship and how we need to work
27:07on improving our communication and our intimacy.
27:11And I can tell that Sean's not putting in
27:13the same level of effort with me that he is with Taya,
27:16and that's triggering.
27:18So I reached out to an intimacy specialist
27:21to work with us to see if we can get to a better place,
27:25because things do need to feel better.
27:32So this is a no-shoe thing, I'm guessing?
27:34Um, yeah, whatever makes you feel comfortable.
27:37You know, Alicia booking this whole intimacy workshop thing
27:41is actually kind of comical.
27:43She's not one to talk about sex,
27:45and so I never in 100 years thought
27:48we'd be doing this workshop together.
27:51But Alicia took the time to set this up,
27:54so I will 100% give my full effort.
27:57This is, Sean's in my first experience
27:59doing anything like this.
28:01Oh, that's so fun. Great.
28:04So there's not a wrong way to do this.
28:07So, yeah, just, you know...
28:10I've been told that before.
28:12It's a trap.
28:14Yeah, it's definitely a trap.
28:16So I want to ask a few questions
28:19kind of about your intimate life.
28:21Like, how often are you being intimate?
28:24Not a lot. Not a lot.
28:27Is it very busy? You have busy lives.
28:29Oh, yes.
28:31We each have another partner,
28:33and we have five kids,
28:35one of which is four months old.
28:37Oh, wow.
28:39Wow, yeah. A lot going on.
28:41Okay.
28:42I've known people to be
28:44in a polyamorous relationship,
28:46but I have, this is the first time
28:48working with a couple.
28:50I feel like, you know,
28:52however anybody finds love and joy,
28:55I am all for it.
28:57So when you do get together,
28:59you really want to make it count.
29:02Like, make it.
29:04You can say that.
29:07What is your favorite thing
29:09that he does to you?
29:11What do you like?
29:13Um...
29:15She hates talking about sex,
29:17so this is not for her.
29:19This is horrible.
29:21And how about you?
29:23What I like to do?
29:25Like, if I'm trying to be flirty and stuff,
29:27I grab ass, you know?
29:29Like, come from behind,
29:31give a little kiss on the neck
29:33or something like that.
29:35Do you like your ass grabbed?
29:38Not really in one way or the other.
29:41You love it.
29:44I cannot imagine
29:46telling this complete stranger
29:48the sexy things I like about Sean.
29:50Like, there are things that he does
29:52that turn me on, but that's private.
29:54So I wish I could just
29:56sink through the floorboards and disappear,
29:58because this is my absolute nightmare.
30:01All right, so what we're gonna do next
30:03is we're gonna sit in the yab-yab position.
30:05What? Say that again?
30:07It connects your energy centers.
30:09So, um, but it's...
30:11Is this my legs-on-her-legs-over-mine type thing?
30:13Yeah, yeah, so...
30:15Bring it in. Stop it.
30:17Come on, bring it in.
30:19There you go. Oh, yeah.
30:21Sexy.
30:23I definitely feel like I personally
30:25need to be more intentional.
30:27I think Alicia does, too,
30:29but there's no book on polyamory
30:31I think that we've let life
30:33get in our way.
30:35Is that comfortable? Yeah. I'm great.
30:37All right. I love Alicia a lot.
30:39Like, it is nice to remember why I fell in love with her.
30:41And maybe I'm not
30:43showing her love in, you know, the way
30:45that she needs to see it.
30:47And so I think that that's on me to make sure
30:49I get back to letting her know how much I care about her
30:51and how much I do appreciate her
30:53and for all the stuff that she does.
30:55Some eye-gazing
30:57to end the session.
30:59Yes.
31:01You're gonna see this beautiful person
31:03in front of you and just honor
31:05the divine within.
31:07Okay.
31:09♪♪♪
31:11♪♪♪
31:13♪♪♪
31:15♪♪♪
31:17♪♪♪
31:19Staring into Sean's eyes,
31:21I feel wanted.
31:23♪♪♪
31:25I feel desired,
31:27and I feel beautiful.
31:29♪♪♪
31:31Definitely what I wanted.
31:33♪♪♪
31:35I love you.
31:37♪♪♪
31:39It's hard to say if Alicia and I are in a better place or not.
31:41Like, I know that this will help us,
31:43and I think it just depends on if we're both willing
31:45to put in the work, but I would say
31:47that this is a, you know, a pretty big step
31:49in working on our relationship.
31:51All right. Now go home and celebrate.
31:53Okay.
31:55♪♪♪
31:57♪♪♪
31:59♪♪♪
32:05I love you.
32:07I love you.
32:09I love you.
32:11I love you.
32:13You don't say.
32:15You don't say.
32:17Mmm.
32:19Mmm.
32:21Mmm.
32:23It's hired.
32:25Okay. You want to...
32:27Okay, enforcer, put him to bed.
32:29He's so cute, talking.
32:31How was your guys'
32:33workshop?
32:35Did you enjoy it?
32:37I enjoyed parts of it.
32:39I mean, they're asking questions
32:41about our intimacy, so that
32:43made me feel real comfortable right off the bat.
32:45Sounds very emotional.
32:47Dammit.
32:49Mm-hmm.
32:51Got him.
32:53Lex and I went to dinner,
32:55and she told me that
32:57she has feelings for me,
32:59and the feeling is
33:01mutual. I need to talk
33:03to the quad and see how they would feel about
33:05me exploring things with her.
33:07I just don't know how
33:09they're gonna react, and
33:11I'm scared.
33:13So...
33:15I...
33:17I have something
33:19to share.
33:21Okay.
33:23What is it?
33:25Brr.
33:27When I had
33:29dinner with Lex,
33:31she told me
33:33that she has feelings for me.
33:39And I...
33:41think I have feelings for her, too.
33:47Brr.
33:49When I had
33:51dinner with Lex,
33:53she told me that
33:55she has feelings for me.
34:01And I...
34:03think I have feelings for her, too.
34:09Hmm.
34:11I don't know.
34:13I don't know.
34:15Hmm.
34:19Do you want to pursue a relationship
34:21with her?
34:23I don't know.
34:29Because it feels like that's
34:31not allowed.
34:33What's not allowed
34:35about it? Well, we're a closed
34:37quad. Are you wanting to change that,
34:39or what does this mean?
34:41Brr.
34:43You know,
34:45I'm not surprised that Taya has a crush on Lexie.
34:47She's pansexual. They've been
34:49becoming friends, I guess, more than friends for a little bit.
34:51I just, I'm a little bit shocked
34:53that we're actually talking about this
34:55becoming a relationship now. I never felt
34:57the need to go out and, like, look for somebody, but
34:59we have a connection that has so much
35:01potential, and it's hard for me
35:03to just, like, ignore that. So you want to
35:05see if it's more than just the crush part? You want to see,
35:07you want to start diving deeper?
35:09I mean, yeah.
35:13I'm not surprised at all that Taya wants to explore
35:15a relationship with a woman. It's something that
35:17is part of her. It's who she is.
35:19She likes women just as much as she likes men,
35:21so I've always encouraged her to explore her sexuality
35:23because it's something that I can't give her.
35:25So I just don't know how everybody
35:27else is going to react.
35:29Our agreement for years has been that
35:31we don't date outside the four of us.
35:33We wanted to change that and open things up for all of us.
35:35Why would it be for all of us?
35:37Well, I mean, the agreement before was for all of us.
35:39It would make sense if we're changing
35:41the rules of the agreements that
35:43it changes more than just this one thing.
35:45To me, anyway, that seems obvious.
35:47I don't know how it's not.
35:49Our agreement is that we're closed.
35:51Because you're not pansexual.
35:53So?
35:57I'm having a reaction to that because
35:59we all have relationships that
36:01are fulfilling to us in our own
36:03sexuality within our relationship, and Taya
36:05is the only one who doesn't.
36:07So because Taya's not straight, she gets
36:09a special agreement compared to all the rest of us.
36:13Even though Taya dating Lex doesn't
36:15affect me directly, opening up
36:17the quad and the guys dating
36:19would affect me directly.
36:21Sean and I are just now getting to
36:23a better place, and I don't really want to
36:25rock the boat and change that.
36:27And Tyler having
36:29his reaction to this makes me wonder
36:31if he was waiting for an
36:33opportunity to be able to explore.
36:35And I don't want my partners to be dating.
36:38Do you feel like it needs to be fair,
36:40and that you should be able to date, too?
36:42If I started to develop a connection with someone,
36:44I'm supposed to be
36:46shutting that down right away because
36:48we don't date outside of the four of us,
36:50so are we talking about changing that, or what does that mean?
36:55Right now, I have no interest
36:57in dating somebody else. I just feel like
36:59ethically, we have this agreement
37:01between the four of us that we're a closed quad,
37:03and if we're changing that, we should
37:05change it for all of us because
37:07the idea of being able to explore
37:09organic connections,
37:11it seems unethical to me
37:13to have that ability only for one
37:15person out of the four of us.
37:19We've also had plenty of hypothetical
37:21conversations about this exact subject,
37:23and it's been hypothetically
37:25supported.
37:27I understand that, but what if I'm not there someday?
37:29Then have a conversation with us.
37:31I'm trying to have it right now.
37:33About the hypothetical.
37:35The hypothetical is?
37:37For me, it's never going to get to this talk because
37:39I'm going to say no, or I'm going to push people away,
37:41or not interact the way that can lead to that.
37:43Right, and I suppose by what you're saying,
37:45then I'm going to do that. I'm going to say no and push her away.
37:47I'm open to this talk, but I'm saying
37:49this talk has repercussions
37:51for that hypothetical future.
37:53I've never once said that I'm
37:55opposed to you dating Lex. I'm just saying
37:57I think this is more complicated than just
37:59yes or no to that one question.
38:01I love you. I care about your happiness.
38:03I want you to be happy.
38:05I have an ethical problem with this, and I don't
38:07see how it's fair.
38:09I think it's comical
38:11that Tyler thinks it's unethical
38:13to be having this hypothetical
38:15conversation about
38:17this organic connection that I've made.
38:19I think what would be unethical
38:21is him going out and
38:23trying to pursue another relationship
38:25just because we're open,
38:27because I made an organic connection
38:29with somebody else. I don't know.
38:31It just seems very spiteful.
38:33I care about you
38:35more than I care about that being fair.
38:37So if this is something that's important to you,
38:39I want you to be able to do this.
38:41I think we need to consider
38:43what this means for us.
38:45It's not fair. I'm not moving forward.
38:47That means we can't do it, but it's not fair.
38:49How would you feel comfortable moving forward
38:51after that kind of answer?
38:53He is right. It's not an automatic no.
38:55He can be upset that it's not fair.
38:57He can continue doing it. He's not going to feel good about it.
38:59He can get behind supporting it,
39:01even if he doesn't agree with it.
39:03I'm not comfortable with that.
39:05I can just tell you that right now.
39:07Whether or not our relationship is opening up
39:09is too important and too big of a thing
39:11for us not all to agree 100%.
39:13There's no talking this out,
39:15besides what I've just said.
39:17That's all there is. And you're saying,
39:19no, we can't do this, so what do we do?
39:21I'm worried about
39:23what this changes for us.
39:27I really don't know where things are at right now.
39:29I don't know if we're open and closed,
39:31or what we are.
39:33This is super uncharted territory.
39:35Just being polyamorous in the first place,
39:37that's uncharted territory.
39:39Now we're completely off the map.
39:41I have no idea where we're going.
39:43We have been through
39:45so much recently,
39:47and we've fought really hard
39:49to get where we are.
39:51Adding someone new to the mix
39:53could completely destroy our relationship.
39:55Once you open that door
39:57and start going down the path
39:59of having the open quad again,
40:01you cannot do it.
40:03And I have no idea how it's going to play out.