Good Girls Gone Wild - Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Oh, bad.
00:00:39We have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:41I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:44So...
00:00:51But I wanted to be sure. Um, I think...
00:00:54So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:58Sue, um, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:01:02Um, I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:01:05Uh, I'm going to lose my virginity to him. You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:10What? But you can't.
00:01:12I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:15Besides, you can't do that to us. You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:20This is bad.
00:01:21You know, I'm going to tell Lexi. She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:28Come on, Lexi.
00:01:46So girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:49Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:54But this is the big one eight.
00:01:56I mean, every year since our moms met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:02:00But this has to be newer and more special.
00:02:03So what's something we've never done before?
00:02:06Mushrooms?
00:02:07No, not like that. Like something nice.
00:02:10Like maybe a trip.
00:02:12Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:14No.
00:02:16Sorry, Sue. I have a date.
00:02:19So do I.
00:02:21Sorry, Sue.
00:02:22Don't worry, Sue. We'll figure it out.
00:02:35Oh, flowers. Are these from you?
00:02:37Yeah, sure.
00:02:39Here you go.
00:02:41No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:44I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:47I guess you still make me nervous.
00:02:52Oh, Jake.
00:02:57Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:03:00No, Jake. Not yet.
00:03:02When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:03:04The best night of my life.
00:03:06It will be. I promise.
00:03:08It'll always be amazing with you and me together.
00:03:18Jake, no. I have to go. I have to work on my art project.
00:03:23You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:26but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:30So you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:32The Saturday?
00:03:33Of course.
00:03:38Thanks.
00:03:40Okay. Bye.
00:03:48Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
00:03:52Oh, baby. You're so hot.
00:03:54I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:56Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:58What was your name again?
00:03:59Rod. Sex guy.
00:04:05Lexi is so upset she's speechless.
00:04:08Yeah, right. I bet.
00:04:12Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:15Oh, no.
00:04:17Does not compute.
00:04:19Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:25Oh, hi.
00:04:27When did you get home?
00:04:29So, is it true?
00:04:31Yes, it is.
00:04:33It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.
00:04:36I mean, he's the right guy.
00:04:39He's the right man.
00:04:41I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy
00:04:45and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:48So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:50Lexi, tell her.
00:04:52Losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:55On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:58Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday.
00:05:00Or maybe even, like, our 29th.
00:05:03Eight. Maybe.
00:05:06I'm sorry, guys. I know it's tradition, but...
00:05:09I'm sorry.
00:05:13I know it's tradition, but...
00:05:15I'm sorry.
00:05:21But Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:24We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:27Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:31It's not Jake. It's the male ideal.
00:05:34Like a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:38Right.
00:05:40Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:42Me and it kind of sucks. I'm not really an artist.
00:05:44Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:47The point is we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:05:50And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:52I'm waiting for a sign.
00:05:54And then I'll know it's right.
00:05:56Look, I can go either way.
00:05:58I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:06:02I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:06:05Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:06:08But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:13You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:20Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:23To church. To pray for you.
00:06:25I want to be first in line.
00:06:27I'm getting some sleep.
00:06:29Yeah, me too.
00:06:32Okay.
00:06:39Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:41It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:43I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:45Mm-hmm.
00:06:47Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:06:51It's about sex.
00:06:53Mm-hmm.
00:06:55I mean, not me. I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:59Mm-hmm.
00:07:01I've never even seen a guy's...
00:07:03Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:07:06But I was dressing him up as Jesus,
00:07:08and I wanted to see his thing, but there was nothing there.
00:07:14Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:16My best friends.
00:07:18They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:20Okay. Third base.
00:07:23What? No.
00:07:25Like, sex. Like, intercourse.
00:07:28With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:30I mean, they really need us' intervention, if you know what I mean.
00:07:33All the way. Go all the way.
00:07:36Woody?
00:07:38Ah!
00:07:40Ah!
00:07:42How could you do this?
00:07:44You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:48What?
00:07:54Yes. Yes!
00:07:57Home run!
00:07:59Damn it!
00:08:02Fucking Yankees.
00:08:05Sorry.
00:08:27Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:30Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:32I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:34Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:37I have an announcement to make.
00:08:39I want to do it.
00:08:41Do you hear me? I want to do it.
00:08:44This weekend.
00:08:46On our birthday.
00:08:48Do what?
00:08:50It. Screw.
00:08:52Screwing, boning, making the beast with two backs.
00:08:55You know, shagging, fucking.
00:08:59You do.
00:09:01But what about all your religious stuff?
00:09:03And what about your sign from heaven?
00:09:06Oh, I got a sign. At church.
00:09:08Really?
00:09:10Well, okay, great.
00:09:12We're all in then.
00:09:14So we'll have a big pool party, and we'll do it there.
00:09:17Right?
00:09:19Right.
00:09:21I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:26Hey, Frank.
00:09:28Oh, hi, Sue.
00:09:30Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:32I don't know. Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:34Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:36Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:42We'll be back.
00:09:44Hey, um, I was wondering.
00:09:47We're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:49It's for our birthday.
00:09:51It's a big party.
00:09:53Tomorrow night. It's for our birthday.
00:09:55Do you want to come?
00:09:57Do you think he can see up my shore?
00:10:10Well, the house looks done.
00:10:12Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:14We finally turn 18.
00:10:16And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:18Well, we better get our beady sleep
00:10:20because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:22Okay, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with.
00:10:24Jake, and I'll probably do that guy Rod.
00:10:27But Sue, who are you going to pick to pop your chain?
00:10:29It's easy.
00:10:31I've known for the past six years, ever since catechism.
00:10:36What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:38I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:48My soulmate.
00:10:52Chris?
00:10:54Sue, you might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:58I mean...
00:10:59What? No, Chris is perfect.
00:11:01He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:11:04Plus, his name's Chris. It's a sign.
00:11:06Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:11:11What? He does not.
00:11:13Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:15He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:11:18With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:21Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:23Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:26Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:29See you in the morning.
00:11:37I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:39I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:51You're so perfect.
00:12:22No.
00:12:44I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:52Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:13Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:15I'm so excited.
00:13:17I'm so excited.
00:13:19Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:41Oh, my gosh. They're coming.
00:13:43Lexi, Cheryl, hurry.
00:13:47Ew, why?
00:13:49It's for Jake to unwrap me. It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:52I'm gonna spritz.
00:13:54You're gonna die of asphyxiation.
00:13:56It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:58It's stupid. Just screw him.
00:14:00That's what he wants. That's what all guys want.
00:14:02Who hurt you as a child?
00:14:04Oh, Christ. And wrap your mouth, too.
00:14:06Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:10not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:12You're an idiot.
00:14:14A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:14:18Guys, seriously, come on. Hurry up.
00:14:24Oh, what a cool bracelet.
00:14:26I love it.
00:14:28Um...
00:14:30You should put that down, though, because it's, like...
00:14:32It's very fragile.
00:14:34Yeah.
00:14:36Hurry up.
00:14:38Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:40That's hot.
00:15:00Whoa!
00:15:04Oh, we're gonna have some fun.
00:15:06Oh, attack of the wet T-shirts. Nice!
00:15:08Let's go.
00:15:10Come on.
00:15:12Come on.
00:15:16Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:18Oh, Joanna,
00:15:20we said no gifts.
00:15:22That is lip poison to plump your lips,
00:15:24but be careful. It stings.
00:15:26And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:15:28Oh, how did you know?
00:15:30I mean, I'm gonna use both of these tonight.
00:15:38Austin, such a cutie.
00:15:40Please don't touch my service tie.
00:15:42All right. Sorry.
00:15:44Are you okay now?
00:15:46Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.
00:15:48Okay. See you later.
00:15:50I can't believe you haven't had a birthday gift.
00:15:52This is crazy.
00:15:54Jake! Hi!
00:15:56Hey, babe.
00:15:58Happy birthday.
00:16:00Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:02What?
00:16:04You want a beer?
00:16:06No.
00:16:10Oh, hon.
00:16:12Yeah.
00:16:14I have your present here.
00:16:16I'll give it to you later
00:16:18when the time's right.
00:16:20You didn't have to get me anything.
00:16:22And I have a present for you
00:16:24that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:28Hey, Ralph,
00:16:30we need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:32What bet?
00:16:34All right.
00:16:36This is my man right here.
00:16:38Hey.
00:16:40How you doing?
00:16:42Hi.
00:16:50Check it out!
00:16:52Dare me?
00:16:56Whoo-hoo!
00:17:04Ha-ha!
00:17:10Oh, dude, look at those.
00:17:12Are those real?
00:17:14Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:17:16Hey! Dude, move!
00:17:18Oh, all right. Okay.
00:17:20I'll see you guys later.
00:17:2220 bucks says by the end of the day,
00:17:24I will be motorboating those kiddies.
00:17:26Yeah!
00:17:28They're fake anyways.
00:17:30Who cares?
00:17:32Ha-ha!
00:17:34Oh, dude, dude!
00:17:36I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:40Sue, no, it's your birthday.
00:17:42Here, let me.
00:17:44Joanna, no. Just go enjoy the party.
00:17:46What?
00:17:48I'm in.
00:17:50Hey.
00:17:52Do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:54I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:56Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:58I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:18:00Weird.
00:18:12Are these real?
00:18:14Of course they are.
00:18:16How come I've never met you before?
00:18:18I don't know. Maybe he's gonna be around.
00:18:20Have you seen Jake?
00:18:22Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:24Maybe upstairs. I don't know.
00:18:26Oh.
00:18:28Maybe he went to go get my birthday present.
00:18:30That's probably where he went.
00:18:32Oh, well.
00:18:34Liquid Courage?
00:18:36Yeah.
00:18:38Atta girl.
00:18:42Vodka Cranberry?
00:18:44Shirley Temple.
00:18:46Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:48I come here rad.
00:18:50Sue? Are you okay?
00:18:52Sue? Relax.
00:18:54They're just my eyes.
00:18:56Nothing to be scared of. Seriously.
00:18:58You're gonna be fine. Is Chris here?
00:19:04Wow.
00:19:06It's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:08No. He does not have gay face.
00:19:10I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:12I'm gonna do it.
00:19:18Wow. It's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:20No.
00:19:22He does not have gay face.
00:19:24I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:26I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do this.
00:19:28Come back.
00:19:30Oh, God.
00:19:32Hey, you can do this.
00:19:34Just act like a slut.
00:19:38Just pretend you're Lexi.
00:19:46Yeah, my favorite chapter is
00:19:48Storming the Ward.
00:19:50Chris. Hi.
00:19:52Can I talk to you?
00:19:56In private?
00:20:10Hey, Lexi. You're Lexi.
00:20:12What?
00:20:14Chris.
00:20:16You're so sexy.
00:20:18Ever since you played Jesus at camp,
00:20:20I've just... I've known that
00:20:22we were meant to be together.
00:20:24And I really want to...
00:20:26Oh, what are you doing?
00:20:28Is that wrong?
00:20:30Sue, what's gotten into you?
00:20:32Nothing. I'm sorry.
00:20:34I don't know how to do this.
00:20:36Sue. Sue.
00:20:38Sue.
00:20:40I understand
00:20:42these urges.
00:20:44And, you know,
00:20:46I like you, too.
00:20:48Really? You do?
00:20:50I do. I really do.
00:20:52I like you, too.
00:20:54Really? You do?
00:20:56I do. I really do.
00:20:58It's just...
00:21:00I've devoted a lot
00:21:02of my life to one
00:21:04certain man. Right.
00:21:06Lexi said you were... Jesus.
00:21:08Oh. Batman.
00:21:10Of course.
00:21:12What did you think? Oh, nothing.
00:21:14So we can still
00:21:16do this, then? Oh, Sue.
00:21:18You know,
00:21:20for me,
00:21:22when I think
00:21:24about that man who
00:21:26died for our sins,
00:21:28when I think about him up there
00:21:30on that cross, so helpless
00:21:32yet so
00:21:34muscular
00:21:36with his strong
00:21:38thighs crossed
00:21:40over each other so
00:21:42delicately beneath that
00:21:44ragged loincloth
00:21:46going so
00:21:48hot, so sweaty
00:21:50under that hot,
00:21:52hot sun,
00:21:54I just feel such
00:21:56compassion. I think about
00:21:58those things, too. So you understand
00:22:00why I can't
00:22:02do this? Not really.
00:22:04I just find it too hard.
00:22:06It is to
00:22:08give in to carnal
00:22:10pleasure when he sacrificed
00:22:12so much for us.
00:22:14So...
00:22:24I'm gonna go out there, right?
00:22:26And they were gonna tell me through these ones.
00:22:28Whoa!
00:22:30Have you seen Jake?
00:22:32Uh, no. No.
00:22:34All right.
00:22:36Okay.
00:22:38All right. Focus. Focus. Focus.
00:22:44Oh,
00:22:46there he is.
00:22:48Oh,
00:22:50he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:52How could he?
00:23:00Sue, what happened?
00:23:02Did you guys do it?
00:23:04Sue?
00:23:06He doesn't want me.
00:23:08Because he's gay.
00:23:10No, he's not.
00:23:12He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:14Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:16He's not gay.
00:23:18He's not gay.
00:23:20Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:22The only reason you even liked him
00:23:24is because you knew he was never a real possibility for you.
00:23:26Look,
00:23:28the only way you're gonna find out
00:23:30what kind of man you really want
00:23:32is to know what kind of woman you really are
00:23:34deep inside.
00:23:36What?
00:23:38Come with me.
00:23:40Where?
00:23:42To meet your dark side.
00:23:44Out.
00:23:46Everyone out.
00:23:56Sue,
00:23:58it's time for you and your vagina
00:24:00to meet face to face.
00:24:02Face to face.
00:24:14I really can't.
00:24:16I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:18I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:24I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:28Sue?
00:24:30Do you see it?
00:24:32Sue?
00:24:36I'm almost...
00:24:38I'm almost there.
00:24:42Ah!
00:24:44What?
00:24:46What? Sue, what happened?
00:24:48What did you see?
00:24:50A raccoon?
00:24:52What?
00:24:54You overshot it. Aim the mirror further up.
00:25:00I can't.
00:25:02Please don't make me do that again.
00:25:04Okay, fine. Fine.
00:25:06I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.
00:25:08What?
00:25:10You really need an orgasm.
00:25:12Honestly, I don't know
00:25:14how you expected to ever have sex with someone else
00:25:16when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:18This really has to be your first step.
00:25:20Lex, I'm waiting.
00:25:22Coming. Sue, my black vibrator
00:25:24is somewhere in the top drawer. Just find it
00:25:26and use it.
00:25:28What does a black vibrator look like?
00:25:30It's black. It vibrates.
00:25:34Come on, Rod. Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:38And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:52Hey, cutie! Cutie!
00:25:54Oh!
00:25:56Oh!
00:25:58Oh!
00:26:00Oh, yeah!
00:26:04Bang. Bang. Bang.
00:26:08Good boy. Straighten up.
00:26:10Good boy. Good boy.
00:26:12He knows over a hundred commands.
00:26:16I'm sorry. I can't see anything.
00:26:18That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:20What a bitch.
00:26:22Apparently when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:24Ah!
00:26:26Ah!
00:26:52Oh, shit.
00:26:56What's wrong with this thing?
00:27:16Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:18Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:20He was getting a blowjob by some
00:27:22pink-eared girl.
00:27:24Are you sure?
00:27:26I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him,
00:27:28so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:30That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag.
00:27:32How dare he?
00:27:34No, it's awful.
00:27:36I mean, I thought I was gonna marry him.
00:27:42It's a text.
00:27:44It's from him. I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:46Okay.
00:27:48He's looking for you. He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:50Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:52I have to go. I'm going.
00:27:54No, you can't just leave.
00:27:56Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:58I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:28:00No. He'll either deny it
00:28:02or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:28:04Either way, it's bullshit.
00:28:06I see only one option.
00:28:08He's looking for you. He wants to give you your...
00:28:10I'm leaving.
00:28:12Revenge sex birthday gift.
00:28:14Oh, I can't face him.
00:28:16I have to go. I'm going.
00:28:18No, you can't just leave.
00:28:20I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:28:22No. He'll either deny it
00:28:24or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:28:26Either way, it's bullshit.
00:28:28I see only one option.
00:28:30I'm leaving.
00:28:32Revenge sex birthday gift.
00:28:34Oh, I can't face him.
00:28:36I have to go. I'm going.
00:28:38No, you can't just leave.
00:28:40He'll either deny it
00:28:42or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:28:44Either way, it's bullshit.
00:28:46I see only one option.
00:28:48It means you find a guy,
00:28:50you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:54Revenge sex.
00:28:56Reve... I mean, what?
00:28:58What does that even mean?
00:29:00It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out,
00:29:02and you let Jake catch you.
00:29:04But he... I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:29:06He doesn't even care about me. I mean, why would...
00:29:08He's just into other girls.
00:29:10Trust me. He'll care.
00:29:12Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:29:14To his ego.
00:29:16Especially if it's with someone else
00:29:18when you've never even had sex with him.
00:29:20Especially if it's with someone smarter,
00:29:22better-looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:29:24No, I couldn't.
00:29:26Plus, I mean, there's...
00:29:28There's no one smarter and better-looking.
00:29:30Eric. He's perfect.
00:29:32Eric Hall? Are you kidding?
00:29:34I mean, he wouldn't even be into me.
00:29:36He likes your type.
00:29:38Really? And what type is that?
00:29:40He's flirty.
00:29:42Yeah.
00:29:44That's amazing. I fooled around with him once.
00:29:46He has this great tongue ring.
00:29:48Oh, no. I could never fool around with somebody
00:29:50you've fooled around with.
00:29:52Okay, then. Fine. We will find someone else.
00:29:54Someone that I haven't fooled around with.
00:30:00Okay, what does it matter
00:30:02that I fooled around with him?
00:30:04I mean, it's like you're not gonna marry the guy.
00:30:06No, I just couldn't do it.
00:30:08Fine. If you want to live the rest of your life
00:30:10knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing
00:30:12to make your boyfriend feel like a total,
00:30:14worthless piece of garbage and possibly even
00:30:16scar him with the rest of his existence
00:30:18and you chose not to do it, go ahead.
00:30:20But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able
00:30:22to live with yourself.
00:30:24I don't know.
00:30:28But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able
00:30:30to live with yourself.
00:30:32I don't know.
00:30:34Trust me. It's going to work.
00:30:36I will intercept Jake
00:30:38and get him upstairs.
00:30:40Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:42Okay, enough chit-chat.
00:30:44Oh, no.
00:30:56Hey.
00:30:58Happy birthday.
00:31:00Thanks.
00:31:02Thanks.
00:31:24Have you guys seen Jake?
00:31:26So...
00:31:28Happy birthday.
00:31:32Do you know...
00:31:36Do you know that most people think
00:31:38that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:31:40But it's actually from us.
00:31:42U.S.
00:31:44America?
00:31:46United States?
00:31:48I know where we live.
00:31:50Right.
00:31:52Of course.
00:31:54I know where we live.
00:31:56Right.
00:31:58Of course.
00:32:02Hey, Jesus, Eric,
00:32:04are you going to make your move or not?
00:32:06Oh, you want me to move?
00:32:08Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:32:10I just...
00:32:12No, you're fine.
00:32:14Okay.
00:32:22Are you the guy?
00:32:24No, I just couldn't do it.
00:32:26Fine.
00:32:28If you want to live the rest of your life
00:32:30knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing
00:32:32to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage
00:32:34and possibly even scar him
00:32:36with the rest of his existence
00:32:38and you chose not to do it, go ahead.
00:32:40But honestly, I don't know
00:32:42how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:32:44I don't know.
00:32:46But honestly,
00:32:48I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:32:50I don't know.
00:32:52Trust me.
00:32:54It's going to work.
00:33:00I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:33:02Hi, Cheryl.
00:33:04Okay, enough jabbering.
00:33:06Oh, no.
00:33:12Oh.
00:33:18Hey.
00:33:20Happy birthday.
00:33:22Thanks.
00:33:42Have you guys seen Jake?
00:33:48So...
00:33:50Happy birthday.
00:33:54Do you know that most people think
00:33:56that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:33:58But it's actually from us, U.S.
00:34:00America?
00:34:04United States?
00:34:06I know where we live.
00:34:08Right. Of course.
00:34:13I know where we live.
00:34:15Right. Of course.
00:34:20Hey, Jesus, Eric,
00:34:22are you going to make your move or not?
00:34:24Oh, you want me to move?
00:34:26Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:34:28No, you're fine.
00:34:38Jake!
00:34:42So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:34:44Oh, I'm sorry.
00:34:46It?
00:34:50Monkey bone in and, like,
00:34:52pigs in a blanket.
00:34:54What? Um...
00:34:56It. Like...
00:35:00Get real nasty.
00:35:02Oh!
00:35:04Monkey bone in and, like,
00:35:06pigs in a blanket.
00:35:08Get real nasty.
00:35:10Uh, right now?
00:35:12I mean, well, yeah.
00:35:14You know, the sooner the better.
00:35:16Yeah, sure.
00:35:18I mean, yeah, of course.
00:35:20I just never realized that you...
00:35:22I mean...
00:35:24Whew.
00:35:26Uh...
00:35:28It's just...
00:35:30You're so...
00:35:32You're so beautiful.
00:35:34Okay, um...
00:35:36Uh, no kissing.
00:35:38Right, um...
00:35:40Of course. Sorry.
00:35:44So, um...
00:35:46Do you want to unwrap me?
00:35:48Oh, wow.
00:35:50You wrapped up like a Hot Pocket
00:35:52or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:35:54Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:35:56You're fresh.
00:36:00Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:36:02You're fresh.
00:36:04Organic.
00:36:06Yep.
00:36:08So, the wrap.
00:36:10Right.
00:36:12Um...
00:36:14Where's the, uh...
00:36:16Oh, yeah, here it is.
00:36:18I see it.
00:36:20Let me just...
00:36:22Ow, ow, ow.
00:36:24Sorry, sorry.
00:36:26It's okay. Do it again.
00:36:28Sorry, I, uh...
00:36:30I bit my nail, so it's a little difficult.
00:36:32You know what?
00:36:34I'm going to bed.
00:36:36Okay.
00:36:40Uh...
00:36:42Let me just see.
00:36:44Oh, here it is. I got it.
00:36:46All right, this is him.
00:36:48United States.
00:36:50I know where we live.
00:36:52Right. Of course.
00:36:54I know where we live.
00:36:56Right. Of course.
00:36:58Ahem.
00:37:02Hold it.
00:37:04Ah!
00:37:06Hey, Jesus, Eric, are you going to make your move or not?
00:37:08Oh, you want me to move? Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:37:10I just...
00:37:12No, you're fine.
00:37:14Oh!
00:37:16Oh, jeez. Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:37:18Are you okay?
00:37:20Help!
00:37:28Uh...
00:37:32Jake!
00:37:36So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:37:38Oh, I'm sorry.
00:37:40It? Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:37:42Ow, ow.
00:37:44What, um...
00:37:46It. Like, monkey bone-in
00:37:48and, like, pigs in a blanket
00:37:50get real nasty.
00:37:52Oh! Oh, you mean
00:37:54like, uh...
00:37:56Oh, jeez.
00:37:58Eric.
00:38:00Right now? I mean, well,
00:38:02yeah, you know, the sooner the better.
00:38:04Yeah, sure.
00:38:06I mean, yeah, of course.
00:38:08Um, I just never realized that you...
00:38:10I mean...
00:38:12Whew.
00:38:14Uh...
00:38:16It's just...
00:38:18You're so...
00:38:20You're so beautiful.
00:38:22Okay, um...
00:38:24Uh, no kissing.
00:38:26Right.
00:38:28Of course.
00:38:30Sorry.
00:38:34Well, that was stupid.
00:38:36So, um...
00:38:38Do you want to unwrap me?
00:38:40Oh, wow.
00:38:42You wrapped up like a Hot Pocket
00:38:44or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:38:46Not that you left over. You're not.
00:38:48Not that you left over. You're not.
00:38:50You're fresh.
00:38:54Not that you left over. You're not.
00:38:56You're fresh.
00:38:58Organic.
00:39:00Yeah.
00:39:02Heck. Yep.
00:39:06So the wrap.
00:39:08Right.
00:39:10Where's the, uh...
00:39:14It's...
00:39:16Oh, yeah. Here it is.
00:39:18I see it. Let me just...
00:39:22Ow. Ow. Ow.
00:39:24Sorry. Sorry.
00:39:26It's okay. Do it again.
00:39:28Sorry. I, uh...
00:39:30I bit my nail, so it's a little difficult.
00:39:32You know what? Let me just lay on the bed.
00:39:36How you doing tonight?
00:39:38Okay.
00:39:40Having a good time?
00:39:42Jake.
00:39:46Uh...
00:39:48Let me just see.
00:39:50Oh, here it is. I got it.
00:39:52All right. Just, um, pull it.
00:39:54Let me just...
00:39:58Oh, jeez. Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:40:00Are you okay?
00:40:02Uh...
00:40:04I think I saw
00:40:06Cheryl upstairs.
00:40:08What? Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:40:10Oh, jeez.
00:40:12Here.
00:40:14There.
00:40:18Well, that was stupid.
00:40:20Yeah.
00:40:24I can't hear you.
00:40:30How you doing tonight?
00:40:32Having a good time?
00:40:34Jake, I think I saw
00:40:36Cheryl upstairs.
00:40:38What? I can't hear you.
00:40:40You didn't have a beer.
00:40:42Chips are so damn salty.
00:40:48Hold on. I'll take a piss.
00:40:50Jake.
00:40:52Upstairs. Yeah.
00:40:54Hold on. I'll take a piss.
00:40:56How much beer?
00:40:58Bad girl, bad girl
00:41:00Bad girl, don't deny it
00:41:02Bad girl, don't deny it
00:41:04You're a bad girl
00:41:06You're a bad girl
00:41:08You're a bad girl
00:41:10Oh, ah!
00:41:18Let me go to the toilet.
00:41:24Finally.
00:41:26I, uh, I'm gonna just get the blinds.
00:41:29Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:41:31Um, don't worry about it.
00:41:33What?
00:41:34I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:41:38Oh.
00:41:40Well, okay.
00:41:41Okay.
00:41:56I, uh, I'm gonna just get the blinds.
00:42:07I, uh, I'm gonna just get the blinds.
00:42:12Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:42:17Um, don't worry about it.
00:42:19What?
00:42:20I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:42:24see each other. Oh, well okay. Okay.
00:42:54What are you doing? I think it's time, you know, to do it.
00:43:23Um, not yet. More foreplay.
00:43:37Yep. So good.
00:43:43Yep. Oh, my jaw. Jaw, jaw, jaw. What? What?
00:43:48Ah, ah, ah. Lock jaw, lock jaw. Is that even a thing?
00:43:56I don't know. Ah.
00:43:59Are you okay? No, no, no, no. It's, uh, it's fine. I'm
00:44:06just, uh, embarrassed. It's probably TMJ or fracture, swollen.
00:44:13Um. Are you sure you're okay?
00:44:16Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Okay, great. Have fun.
00:44:26Now, let's do it now. No, not yet, not yet.
00:44:31Now. All right, I'm gonna come.
00:44:37Now, let's do it now. No, not yet, not yet.
00:44:39I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
00:45:01I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's been a really long time, and I just,
00:45:05I haven't masturbated for anything.
00:45:09Oh, hey, Jake.
00:45:10How you doing?
00:45:11How's it going?
00:45:12Good.
00:45:13Eric?
00:45:14Help.
00:45:15Eric, help me.
00:45:16I'm blind.
00:45:17I can't see anything.
00:45:18Excuse me.
00:45:19Cheryl's in here.
00:45:20What's up, bro?
00:45:21What the fuck is that?
00:45:22Oh, shit.
00:45:23Oh, shit.
00:45:24Oh, shit.
00:45:25Oh, shit.
00:45:26Oh, shit.
00:45:27Oh, shit.
00:45:28Oh, shit.
00:45:29Oh, shit.
00:45:30Oh, shit.
00:45:31Oh, shit.
00:45:32Oh, shit.
00:45:33Oh, shit.
00:45:34Oh, shit.
00:45:35Oh, shit.
00:45:36Oh, shit.
00:45:37Oh, shit.
00:45:39Hey, wait.
00:45:42Lex, babe.
00:45:43Still waiting.
00:45:50Oh, I'm sorry.
00:45:51I can't see.
00:45:52I'm blind.
00:45:54Damn it.
00:45:58Hey, you.
00:46:00You better stop making fun of-
00:46:01I'm gonna say something to that bitch.
00:46:04Hey, you.
00:46:06You better stop making fun of the blind or I'm going to teach you a lesson.
00:46:12I'm so sorry. I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:46:36Oh man, no more water balloons. This party's ass.
00:47:00This just isn't working.
00:47:03Nothing. What's the big deal about these vibrators anyway?
00:47:09Lock your character, man, or life stinks.
00:47:11Spark it up. Yes!
00:47:16Oh man! I love this game!
00:47:19Where are the controllers? We gotta put them here. Here, here, here.
00:47:21Okay, let me find another one.
00:47:27Look at this!
00:47:30Pew, pew, pew!
00:47:32Get that thing away!
00:47:44Hey dude, nice shot.
00:47:46Wasn't me.
00:47:52Whoa, whoa, nice!
00:47:55Are you sitting on me or something?
00:47:58Hey, you found the grenade launcher. Nice, nice!
00:48:12Do you have the extra controller?
00:48:14What?
00:48:25Whoa!
00:48:27You are the controller.
00:48:29No, I just, I didn't, I swear, I...
00:48:34Ha!
00:48:43Hey, hey, Sue!
00:48:45Where you going, man?
00:48:48It's okay, um, hey, Sue!
00:49:00Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:49:02Yeah, I just needed to, um...
00:49:05Oh, sure.
00:49:07Listen, Sue, I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:49:12You were? You mean...
00:49:16Yeah.
00:49:19So you think we should give it a try?
00:49:27Wow, um, your toilet's...
00:49:29Go get a drink?
00:49:33Wow, um, your toilet's really...
00:49:40You know what, I gotta go. Um, happy birthday.
00:49:43Uh, no, Chris, no, that wasn't, I didn't...
00:49:45Oh, God, never mind.
00:49:59This was the worst idea ever.
00:50:02Never going to have sex.
00:50:04Sex.
00:50:06Ow.
00:50:26Hello, a little help?
00:50:29Hello, a little attention here?
00:50:36Hello, a little attention here?
00:50:43Oh, yeah, sorry.
00:50:45Oh, yeah, sorry.
00:50:57Hello, a little attention here?
00:51:06Max, go...
00:51:08Oh, yeah, sorry.
00:51:15Max, go...
00:51:22Don't be selfish.
00:51:24Oh, right, sorry.
00:51:26Don't be selfish.
00:51:28Oh, right, sorry.
00:51:30Oh, right, sorry.
00:51:42Jeez, who invented this stupid position anyway?
00:51:46Too much fucking multitasking.
00:51:48Screw it.
00:52:00Oh, yeah.
00:52:30Oh.
00:52:32Oh.
00:52:34Oh.
00:52:36Oh.
00:52:38Oh.
00:52:40Oh.
00:52:42Oh.
00:52:44Oh, that was bad.
00:52:46That was...
00:52:48That was so bad.
00:53:00Joanna, do you know a guy named...
00:53:02Do you know a guy named JJ?
00:53:06I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:53:11Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:53:15Yes, it does.
00:53:17So, you're JJ?
00:53:19Uh-uh.
00:53:21Does your name start with a J?
00:53:24Yes, it does.
00:53:26So, you're JJ?
00:53:28Uh-uh.
00:53:51Hello, welcome to 1-900-Confess, would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:54:01A nun.
00:54:02Please punch in your credit card number.
00:54:05Please hold.
00:54:08Thank goodness.
00:54:111-900-Confession, how may I be of service?
00:54:171-900-Confession, how may I be of service?
00:54:21It's been one day since my last confession.
00:54:23I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:54:32One day.
00:54:41Is that too long?
00:54:43I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:54:45Go on.
00:54:47Okay, well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:54:51Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine did that.
00:54:53What's her problem?
00:54:55A washing machine touched me.
00:55:02Freak, time's up.
00:55:03What? But what do I do?
00:55:05No, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:55:07Alright, freak, time's up.
00:55:09What? But what do I do?
00:55:11Just unplug the thing.
00:55:13No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:55:17Well, then, be happy.
00:55:19You found the perfect man.
00:55:21I'm serious.
00:55:23Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:55:27Alright, freak, time's up.
00:55:29What? But what do I do?
00:55:31Just unplug the thing.
00:55:33No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:55:35Well, then, be happy.
00:55:37You found the perfect man.
00:55:39I'm serious.
00:55:41Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:55:43I'll tell you this.
00:55:45Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:55:47No contritions?
00:55:49You broke no covenant with God.
00:55:51It's not in the Bible.
00:55:53So, the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:55:56Like, morning, afternoon, night?
00:55:59Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:56:02Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:56:05Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:56:07Huh.
00:56:09God's pretty cool that way.
00:56:11He sure is. Now run along.
00:56:15Wow.
00:56:17How do you know all that?
00:56:19Because I'm a nun.
00:56:21Now eat my pussy, bitch.
00:56:33Accidental masturbation.
00:56:35Who'd have thunk?
00:56:45Revenge...
00:56:54Revenge sex. What a stupid fucking idea.
00:57:00Revenge sex. What a stupid fucking idea.
00:57:03God, I'm getting out of here.
00:57:05What the fuck?
00:57:09I guess I just get like a meat diagnosis.
00:57:11I don't feel good.
00:57:13Yeah, I admit it. I got no game.
00:57:15I guess I just get like a meat diagnosis.
00:57:17I don't feel good. I don't feel good.
00:57:21Fucking douchebag.
00:57:24Damn it.
00:57:26Now I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:57:28You go, girl.
00:57:30What?
00:57:32What are you doing here?
00:57:34We needed some place private, but hey listen,
00:57:38if you're serious about getting laid.
00:57:40Yeah?
00:57:41If you want someone great, I mean really, the best ever.
00:57:46No offense.
00:57:48Frank, the blind guy.
00:57:50Really?
00:57:51I'm telling you he's amazing.
00:57:55I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:57:57It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:58:00It was like we used all our senses.
00:58:02Everything.
00:58:05If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:58:08Oh.
00:58:15Alright.
00:58:21What about him?
00:58:23Jeremy.
00:58:24Yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:58:26I think I fooled around with him once.
00:58:28I don't know his last name though.
00:58:31It's Jones.
00:58:32Jeremy Jones.
00:58:33This all makes sense.
00:58:35Excuse me.
00:58:37Jeremy.
00:58:39Hi.
00:58:40Hey.
00:58:41Who's on the phone?
00:58:42Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:58:44You'll meet her.
00:58:45She'll be here in like an hour.
00:58:46Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:59:01Oh.
00:59:02Hi, Frank.
00:59:04Sit.
00:59:08Oh, you meant...
00:59:10You meant the dog.
00:59:12Relax.
00:59:15You need to relax and calm down.
00:59:26Oh, I'm...
00:59:32Oh, I'm relaxed. I'm fine.
00:59:35Why are you biting your nail?
00:59:36Bite your nail.
00:59:37I'm not.
00:59:41How did you know that?
00:59:45Corner.
00:59:49Sit.
00:59:51Roll over.
00:59:55Oh, you mean me.
00:59:58Roll over.
01:00:03Oh, you mean me.
01:00:07Roll over.
01:00:10Oh, you mean me.
01:00:12Oh, how do you...
01:00:14How do you want me to...
01:00:16Just lie down.
01:00:28Oh.
01:00:29I shouldn't even be doing this, but...
01:00:31Considering it a teachable moment.
01:00:34Okay.
01:00:37Oh.
01:00:40See me with your hands.
01:00:45All right.
01:00:53You know, I should really...
01:00:54I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
01:00:56Really.
01:01:02Oh.
01:01:11Mmm, peanut butter.
01:01:32Oh, Frank. Frank. Frank.
01:01:34Oh.
01:01:38Oh, Frank.
01:02:01Yo, man.
01:02:02Yo, give me a chip.
01:02:03My...
01:02:06Yo, man.
01:02:07Yo, give me a chip.
01:02:08My chips, homeboy.
01:02:10Yo, give me a chip, man.
01:02:11My chips.
01:02:12Yo.
01:02:13My chips.
01:02:14Yo, give me a chip.
01:02:15My chips.
01:02:17Guys, why are you making such a mess?
01:02:20Sorry.
01:02:26Yo, man.
01:02:27Yo, give me a chip.
01:02:28My...
01:02:29Yo, man.
01:02:31Yo.
01:02:34It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
01:02:36That's all.
01:02:41Oh, let me do this.
01:02:42Go ahead.
01:02:43I got it.
01:02:44I got it.
01:02:45No, really, please.
01:02:46I want to help.
01:02:49Okay, everybody out.
01:02:51Leave.
01:02:52I have to vacuum.
01:03:01Oh.
01:03:06You're not even getting the chips.
01:03:07They're over here.
01:03:09I just...
01:03:10I see some dust over here, so...
01:03:14It's just...
01:03:15There's so much dust on this floor.
01:03:18It's just a dirty floor.
01:03:20Such a...
01:03:21Dirty...
01:03:23Dirty...
01:03:24Floor.
01:03:30Oh.
01:03:42Okay.
01:03:44All right.
01:03:46I think I got all that.
01:03:47I'm just gonna...
01:03:49I'll see you.
01:03:50Oh.
01:03:59Frankie.
01:04:01Oh, my...
01:04:02What was that?
01:04:03What?
01:04:05Oh, shit.
01:04:06Oh, man.
01:04:07We got a smoky...
01:04:08Smoky heat.
01:04:10Stop.
01:04:11Frank, stop teasing Frank.
01:04:15I'm sorry, man.
01:04:16We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
01:04:18Oh, I heard something.
01:04:19Do you want to join us?
01:04:20Uh...
01:04:21No, I'm actually...
01:04:22Come on.
01:04:23You gotta do it.
01:04:24Come on.
01:04:25Seriously, guys, I need to...
01:04:26What's your job, man?
01:04:27Dude, what's it like being blinded by a stripper?
01:04:32Frank?
01:04:34Frank, are we gonna do something soon?
01:04:38Bro, you are too funny.
01:04:42Thanks, man.
01:04:43Oh, this is some good stuff.
01:04:45I haven't smoked since junior high.
01:04:46Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.
01:04:49Wait, wait, wait.
01:04:50I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
01:04:54Damn, I really can't remember.
01:04:56This is some good shit.
01:05:15Oh, no.
01:05:16You're the devil.
01:05:18No more.
01:05:22JJ, I...
01:05:23Jeremy, you have to remember
01:05:25that amazing time we had together, don't you?
01:05:28Please.
01:05:29Lex, I can't.
01:05:32I mean, I got a girlfriend.
01:05:33I really like this girl.
01:05:35Fine.
01:05:36It's just so sad
01:05:38because I'm wearing this...
01:05:40copeless bra,
01:05:41and I also have on crotchless panties
01:05:45and a little string of pearl in front
01:05:47for extra stimulation.
01:05:54We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.
01:05:56Perfect.
01:06:01Before she gets here.
01:06:02Perfect.
01:06:13Do it.
01:06:14Do it.
01:06:15Fuck me.
01:06:16Fuck me now.
01:06:21What?
01:06:22What's wrong?
01:06:23I can't...
01:06:24I can't get it in.
01:06:26Try down there.
01:06:27It's like desert down there.
01:06:29It's sandpaper.
01:06:30I just...
01:06:31Okay, I get the picture.
01:06:32Just try it again.
01:06:36No.
01:06:37Why is this happening?
01:06:39We fooled around before.
01:06:41I was dripping wet.
01:06:42Like four times, remember?
01:06:44Just do what you did then.
01:06:45Go on.
01:06:46I already did my thing.
01:06:47I already tried.
01:06:49What?
01:06:50What is different this time?
01:06:52I don't know.
01:06:54Last time...
01:06:58I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
01:07:00What?
01:07:02You're not JJ?
01:07:04But your name is Jeremy Jones.
01:07:06How can you not be JJ?
01:07:08Who the hell is this JJ?
01:07:11Where are you going?
01:07:12We're not done here.
01:07:13I can still do this.
01:07:14I just need a little bit of foreplay.
01:07:16I can do this.
01:07:17I don't need JJ.
01:07:18I don't need anyone else.
01:07:20We can do this.
01:07:22Go team.
01:07:26What?
01:07:27Just keep going.
01:07:33Shit.
01:07:42Excuse me.
01:07:43Where's Jeremy?
01:07:45Hi.
01:07:46We were just, you know...
01:07:49Hey, babe.
01:07:50Just working out.
01:07:55How could you, you bastard?
01:08:00You might want to...
01:08:02What?
01:08:03What?
01:08:07Ah!
01:08:08Mariella!
01:08:10Mariella!
01:08:11You know, those aren't mine.
01:08:13These aren't all of them.
01:08:16What is wrong with you?
01:08:21What is wrong with you?
01:08:24You used to be so pure.
01:08:26Well, no more.
01:08:27That's it.
01:08:28Really, that's the last one.
01:08:41Shhh.
01:08:43Come on.
01:09:02Cheryl?
01:09:07What is it?
01:09:08What are you doing down here?
01:09:10Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
01:09:14What?
01:09:15Why?
01:09:16Nothing.
01:09:17Just this blind guy and his dog and...
01:09:20Honey, it's going to be okay.
01:09:23No, it's not okay.
01:09:25God, I...
01:09:27And you know whose fault it is?
01:09:28I'm sorry.
01:09:29It's Jake's.
01:09:30Jake's fault.
01:09:31That blind, cheating bastard.
01:09:34Yes.
01:09:35He is such a dickwad.
01:09:36You need to confront him.
01:09:37Yeah.
01:09:38Yeah, I need to confront him.
01:09:40I mean, it's my birthday and where is he anyway?
01:09:43Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
01:09:45You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
01:09:48Yeah, a big piece.
01:09:49A big old chunk of my mind.
01:09:51A big piece of it.
01:09:52Yeah.
01:09:54You know, you might want to...
01:09:56You need to look hot while you break up with him.
01:09:58Yeah, you're right.
01:10:00Why am I wearing a sheet?
01:10:02I don't know.
01:10:07I'm sorry.
01:10:09I'm sorry.
01:10:11I get shy around beautiful women like you.
01:10:16I got no game.
01:10:23It's not important.
01:10:36Hey.
01:10:37Eric, I can't talk right now.
01:10:39No, no, no.
01:10:40I really need to talk to you.
01:10:41Really, Eric.
01:10:42I can't right now.
01:10:43No, no, no.
01:10:44I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier.
01:10:47And I'm just embarrassed and I don't want to make it up to you.
01:10:50Eric, really?
01:10:51I don't care.
01:10:52It's fine.
01:10:53No, but I do.
01:10:54I mean, I do.
01:10:55I care.
01:10:57I haven't known how to tell you.
01:10:59Maybe because, I don't know, I'm a little shy.
01:11:02But I was wondering or hoping that we could go out sometime.
01:11:08Sometime.
01:11:09Soon.
01:11:10Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while and it would be nice to go out.
01:11:14Really?
01:11:15Eric, you're shy.
01:11:16You have no game.
01:11:18No, not really.
01:11:22Yeah, no, I can't do this.
01:11:23Sorry.
01:11:27Okay.
01:11:28Alright.
01:11:29I, uh...
01:11:32Happy birthday, then.
01:11:44I'm sorry.
01:11:45I was trying to kiss your...
01:11:54Wow.
01:12:00Wow.
01:12:07Here I come, baby.
01:12:08Get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:12:13Oh.
01:12:14Eric, stop.
01:12:15We can't do this.
01:12:16Oh, God, baby.
01:12:17Not again.
01:12:18Oh, no.
01:12:19Honey, happy...
01:12:22The fuck is this?
01:12:23Who the hell are you, dude?
01:12:25Okay, guys, don't.
01:12:29Cheryl.
01:12:30Baby.
01:12:31What is this?
01:12:33Oh, geez, Cheryl.
01:12:35You're...
01:12:36I've been looking for you all night and you've been...
01:12:39Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:12:41You couldn't find me?
01:12:43What about all those girls' vaginas you were in or your penis getting sucked?
01:12:48Cheryl, honey.
01:12:49No, no.
01:12:50We can work this out.
01:12:51Baby, I love you.
01:12:53Jake, no, you have to go.
01:12:54Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please.
01:12:56I promise.
01:12:57No, Jake, I can't do this.
01:12:58I'm sorry.
01:12:59Cheryl, come on.
01:13:00No, Jake, please, just go.
01:13:01Please, baby, come on.
01:13:02Just go.
01:13:03I'm sorry.
01:13:04You're a heartless bitch!
01:13:05How could you do this to me?
01:13:07Yay!
01:13:08You did it.
01:13:09I'm so proud of you.
01:13:10You got your revenge sex.
01:13:11You left him in your shell of a man.
01:13:14Revenge sex?
01:13:16It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:13:19Right.
01:13:21That all makes sense now.
01:13:24Wow, I feel really stupid.
01:13:26Eric, I'm really, I'm really sorry.
01:13:29Cheryl, I really liked you.
01:13:32And you used me.
01:13:34Eric, please don't go.
01:13:35Please, Eric!
01:13:38Aren't you happy?
01:13:40Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:13:44You mean the sex?
01:13:45Was it?
01:13:46Yeah.
01:13:47No, we didn't quite do it.
01:13:48Oh.
01:13:49You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:13:51Really?
01:13:52I just never found the right guy.
01:13:53Or guys.
01:13:55Anyway, we better get downstairs.
01:13:56People are starting to leave.
01:13:58I wonder how Sue did.
01:14:08Yes, yes, yes.
01:14:11I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:14:12This is bullshit!
01:14:15Oh!
01:14:16Oh!
01:14:17Suck it!
01:14:18What the?
01:14:20Get out of here!
01:14:22Yeah!
01:14:23Yeah!
01:14:24He has good hair, though.
01:14:45Oh, Sue, are you all right?
01:14:48Was it from sex?
01:14:49Did you pop your cork?
01:14:50I don't think so.
01:14:52Not with a guy, anyway.
01:14:54Oh, don't ask.
01:14:55Every possible object.
01:14:57It's like every mechanical thing.
01:14:59It was like Transformers.
01:15:01They just all became vibrators.
01:15:04I told you.
01:15:05It's addicting.
01:15:08So what about Chris?
01:15:09Well, last time I saw him, he was running away for dear life.
01:15:12I told you he was gay.
01:15:13Oh.
01:15:14Well, I think I'm just all cramp.
01:15:19Oh, I think it's broken.
01:15:21So wait.
01:15:23None of us cashed an RV card.
01:15:29Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:15:32So I was going to go grab some food.
01:15:33Want to go?
01:15:35No, thank you.
01:15:36I think I should finish up here.
01:15:39Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:15:41No.
01:15:43I don't know.
01:15:44For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:15:47Or something.
01:15:49Why?
01:15:50Sort of.
01:15:51Oh.
01:15:52Well, hey, if you happen to run into him, just tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:16:02Love him?
01:16:03Shut it.
01:16:04You want to do it with him?
01:16:05I don't want to hear it from you.
01:16:06You want to get married?
01:16:07You want to do it with him?
01:16:08Zip it.
01:16:09All right.
01:16:10I'm all right.
01:16:11I'm all right.
01:16:20I'm all right.
01:16:34Um.
01:16:35No.
01:16:36No way.
01:16:51Oh, well.
01:16:53There's always next year.
01:17:14It's you.
01:17:16I've been waiting for you, JJ.
01:17:21Oh.
01:17:28Joanna.
01:17:50I've been waiting for you.
01:18:21Wow.
01:18:22That's amazing.
01:18:23Yeah.
01:18:24I didn't know I had it in me.
01:18:25I guess something inspired me.
01:18:26You really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:18:27Yeah.
01:18:28Even that little.
01:18:29Yeah.
01:18:30Yeah.
01:18:31Yeah.
01:18:32Yeah.
01:18:33Yeah.
01:18:34Yeah.
01:18:35Yeah.
01:18:36Yeah.
01:18:37Yeah.
01:18:38Yeah.
01:18:39Yeah.
01:18:40Yeah.
01:18:41Yeah.
01:18:42Yeah.
01:18:43Yeah.
01:18:44Yeah.
01:18:45Yeah.
01:18:46Yeah.
01:18:47Yeah.
01:18:48Yeah.
01:18:50Even that little cowlick he has in his hair.
01:18:54Whose?
01:18:55Eric's.
01:18:56It's him, right?
01:18:59Oh.
01:19:01Yeah.
01:19:03I have to go see him.
01:19:09Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:19:191-900-CONFESS?
01:19:24Sister Therese?
01:19:25Yeah, hun, um, there was a problem with your credit card, I just need the last three numbers
01:19:30in the back.
01:19:31Oh, sure.
01:19:32It's 2-7-1.
01:19:33Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:19:40Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you, like, take you back?
01:19:47Sure, hun.
01:19:48Why not?
01:19:49As long as you're on the right path.
01:19:51Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:19:54I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:19:57Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:20:02Sister, can I get up now?
01:20:05I really gotta pee.
01:20:07No!
01:20:08Hush, you're trapped!
01:20:09Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work, but call back anytime.
01:20:14I will.
01:20:16Thanks.
01:20:17Sister?
01:20:18Shut up, or I'll punish you hard, you cheap fucker!
01:20:38Eric, wait!
01:20:40Eric?
01:20:46Eric, um, look, I am so sorry.
01:20:49Cheryl?
01:20:52Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:20:57I was trying to have revenge sex with you at the beginning, but then at the end, I didn't
01:21:04do that with you.
01:21:05The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:21:08Um, and I wasn't.
01:21:11I just didn't want to do that with you.
01:21:14The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:21:17Um, I, I do want to go out with you.
01:21:22And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:21:25I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is, and he's all over these...
01:21:29Eric!
01:21:31Come on, we gotta get going.
01:21:33Oh, wow.
01:21:35Um, Cheryl, uh, this is my sister Tina.
01:21:38Tina, Cheryl.
01:21:40Hi, nice to meet you.
01:21:45Uh, so, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days when I get back?
01:21:51Yeah, sure.
01:21:58Oh, sorry, no kissing, right?
01:22:01No kissing.
01:22:02Oh.
01:22:03Mmm.
01:22:18Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:22:23I, I don't even care that you hooked up with Patsy.
01:22:26Wait, what?
01:22:27I never did that.
01:22:29I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:22:31She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:22:38She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:22:41I wonder who it was.
01:23:01At least this birthday's over.
01:23:15Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:23:19I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like, send me a sign?
01:23:31Okay.
01:23:53Excuse me, excuse me.
01:23:55Uh, do you know where the church is?
01:23:57It's on Fountain Street.
01:23:58Um, yeah, that's the church I go to.
01:24:01Or used to go to.
01:24:02Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:24:08But you're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:24:11Oh, um, I don't know.
01:24:20Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:24:23Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:24:28Like I said, you're more than welcome to torque.
01:24:31Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:24:35I don't think so.
01:24:36But thanks.
01:24:38What's your name?
01:24:39Sue.
01:24:40What's yours?
01:24:41Jesus.
01:24:43Really?
01:24:44Si.
01:24:47Maybe I could use a ride.
01:24:58Oh.
01:25:04Oh.
01:25:28Oh.