Strife - Season 2 Episode 4 -
Douche Bag
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Douche Bag
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00:00We've been talking about podcasting, and I think now is exactly the right time.
00:18I just got used to not expressing my sexuality.
00:22I don't want to hide anymore.
00:23What about me?
00:24What if I'm seeing someone?
00:25Don't be ridiculous.
00:27Kim, my memoir writing teacher.
00:29I know some boys have launched a finance startup, and they're looking for space.
00:33We're subleasing to a tech firm.
00:34That man spanked my ass.
00:36Dom hates micro-trends.
00:38He calls them moral failures.
00:40Dom changed form.
00:41It's over.
00:42He's literally having sex with someone else.
00:49I lay the side down between us.
00:54Verde and wet.
00:56A rose in radiant bloom, ever-blooming, over-ripe.
01:04How's pungent with life?
01:08Does it have to be pungent?
01:09I want something strong, earthy.
01:12Try some Russian caravan.
01:13Witty, Evelyn.
01:17But where's the juice?
01:19Try the fridge.
01:21Love it.
01:23An internet writer, I hear.
01:26What about punch and concision?
01:31Like haiku, but sassy.
01:34Then why not?
01:36If you're not inventing new forms, are you even a poet?
01:41Well, I'm not a poet, Kim.
01:46Try watching the world through the pores of your skin, love.
01:50Now, where were we?
01:52With spec points, not only do you pay later, you pay on points that you'll earn in the future.
02:15So you pay with points you don't actually have?
02:18Yet.
02:19Imaginary points?
02:20Speculative points.
02:22Like last week's rent?
02:23It's coming.
02:24All currency's speculative.
02:26And time is an illusion and the self is a construction.
02:30Until you have actual bills to pay.
02:34Where'd you get those?
02:36They were a gift.
02:37Ah.
02:38This office space isn't.
02:40If you can invest 60k, we'll give you 10 shares.
02:4310% in the company.
02:45That is a steal and you know it, Evelyn.
02:46Now I'm stealing from you.
02:49I respect how uncompromising you are.
02:51And I admire your tenacity.
02:54I do see myself as a sort of a mentor.
02:5611,000?
02:5810?
03:00All I can offer is three months free rent.
03:04Actually, two and a half.
03:05Someone else will give you the money.
03:08I'm giving you time.
03:10The illusion of time.
03:12Thank you, Evelyn.
03:14Can I still have some points?
03:16I'm a businesswoman after all.
03:18I guess you can have...
03:20One?
03:23Two.
03:24Two.
03:25Two.
03:27Fuck it, yeah.
03:28Two.
03:31Moist wipes have decreased their spending with us by 30%.
03:34And with the podcasting costs and rent, things aren't looking good.
03:38Can we put anything on credit?
03:42Or points?
03:45There's less conventional options.
03:48I have some former clients.
03:50A last resort payment plan.
03:52I don't know what that means.
03:55Good.
03:56Anything you can leverage?
03:57Well, I have a house, but it's mostly my ex-husband's.
04:01I really shafted myself in the settlement.
04:03Again, I know some people.
04:07Remind me, where did we find you?
04:09I believe it was Facebook.
04:11Oh.
04:12Your boys are leaving the rent.
04:13Well, I gave them a reprieve.
04:19They gave me two points.
04:21You have got a bad wish, don't you?
04:23Sorry, Evelyn.
04:24I'll try to do better.
04:31Can I go now?
04:32Dismiss.
04:33Guys, stop horsing around.
04:42This is a workplace, not a paddock.
04:44Eve, Hector and Colin's confirmed.
04:48Oh, thank God.
04:49Yeah, they want to see us today.
04:51Today?
04:52They have a 2.35.
04:53Oh, what, are we even opening out for their 3 o'clock or something?
04:56Yes, yes, of course.
04:57Oh, it's Dom, my boss boyfriend.
04:58Cool hat, Ed.
05:00Well, I think he was eating the shark.
05:01Right now, he's got a rash on his bones and I believe it on climate change.
05:05Sounds like a think piece.
05:07Dom's been loving the site.
05:10Oh, thanks, Dom.
05:13Well, we've been enjoying you.
05:15Mm.
05:17I mean, you've given us a lot to think about.
05:19Mm, likewise.
05:21It's been a real eye-opener reading Eve's life's content.
05:24It's amazing what you've built here, Evelyn.
05:27A real Nietzschean superwoman.
05:29Oh, thanks.
05:30But I'm not really striving for immortality and I do eat vegetables.
05:36Dom's about to open a one-man show at the National Theatre Company.
05:39Yeah, you should come, Evelyn.
05:41I'd love that.
05:42Are we covering it, Opal?
05:44How?
05:44We don't have a what's-on-now pitch.
05:47Well, we should.
05:48Yeah.
05:49What show is it?
05:51Three Sisters.
05:52Or by Chekhov.
05:54Dom's playing all three of them.
05:56One man, three sisters.
05:58That's transgressive.
06:00No, I adapted it myself.
06:02I think you'll find it especially relevant.
06:05Ah.
06:06Three Sisters, one man.
06:08That's a good lead.
06:09We don't use leads in the theatre.
06:10No.
06:11Hey, Opal.
06:16Walk me out.
06:17Yeah.
06:22Bye, Dom.
06:25Delete the skin marks, please.
06:26No.
06:27And I don't even think that's possible.
06:28You deleted the vaginitis post, or does female dignity override male?
06:31If you deleted your skin marks from the toilet, we wouldn't have a piece to begin with.
06:36Just delete the fucking piece.
06:43Oh, God.
06:45He's a bit intense, isn't he?
06:47Oh, yeah.
06:47Totally get it.
06:49He has presents.
06:51That's why he's a thespian.
06:52It's the jaw.
06:54Call that a class three.
06:55Stepfather had one.
06:57No job or humanity, but mum still stayed with him for 22 years.
07:01God, I'm so sorry.
07:02You know, a class three jaw is really dangerous.
07:04What about a story on the male jawline?
07:07What, like, jaw size versus willie size?
07:10No, height, jaw, shoulders, penis, relationship with mother, it's...
07:14Just call it.
07:17Why cheapen something like that?
07:19Oh, Paul, you're such a class one.
07:21You're HR.
07:22And?
07:23I'm flagging something that makes me feel unsafe.
07:25What are we going to get?
07:31Anti-dandruff, shampoo, depilatory cream?
07:34Oh, yeah.
07:34We'll definitely get some skincare.
07:36Depilatory cream's not skincare, it's skin abuse.
07:38Oh.
07:39Retinol cream would be good for fine lines.
07:43Maybe some mousse.
07:44Remember hair mousse?
07:46You could do with some.
07:50Oh, well.
07:52Hello there.
07:53Hi.
07:53Peter.
07:54Christine.
07:55Hey, Evelyn.
07:56Hey.
07:56Hi, Paul.
07:57I've got vertigo.
07:58My inner ear infection's back.
08:00Consolation prize?
08:01Oh, no, just some new products to try.
08:03Skincare?
08:04Haircare?
08:04What's in there?
08:05Uh, eye cream.
08:07Active ingredient.
08:08Yeah, you can have this one.
08:10Mm, sweet.
08:15Mm, that's sweet Jane.
08:16Your number one fan.
08:18I can smell the competitive energy.
08:20Ah, I think it's the rose hip.
08:21Mm, there's room for both of us.
08:23Enough Korean serum for all.
08:25Sounds expensive, though.
08:26Elitist.
08:27Isn't it just sunscreen you guys push over there?
08:29What's wrong with sunscreen?
08:30Nothing.
08:31It's a little bit uninteresting.
08:33Well, if it wasn't for sun cream, I'd be dead.
08:36Mm.
08:37I think the middle ear infection has gone to your brain.
08:41Right, we'll leave you guys to it then.
08:43Good luck.
08:44Bye.
08:44I'll just see these two out.
08:45I'll be right with you, Evelyn, and...
08:47Ah, Mr Paul Bowenclark.
08:49Oh.
08:50Triple barrel.
08:51Aren't you a greedy one?
08:54If he asks you, aren't you going?
08:59You probably saw that Eve Life has received universal praise for Life blogging and Pabst Inn.
09:06See, we're not afraid to be raw, real,
09:09get our hands a little bloody.
09:11I love that.
09:12And just quietly,
09:13I absolutely love vagina humour,
09:17which is why I am looking at you
09:20and I am thinking Freshgina.
09:27What's Freshgina?
09:28It's our vaginal rinse and applicator product.
09:32So, a douche.
09:33Yes.
09:35I mean, what is funnier than a douche, right?
09:36No.
09:38Which is why I think Eve's edgy, hands-on approach would be just perfect.
09:43Well, very flattered.
09:47Question.
09:47Isn't a douche a little dodgy for a vagina?
09:51Yeah, my mum says they upset the pH balance.
09:54Oh, no, the science is still out on that.
09:56And our product is more of a freshening tool than a deodorizer.
10:00Okay.
10:01So, are you thinking voice-driven branded content, perhaps?
10:04And ads.
10:06Voice-driven ads.
10:07Sounds like a bit of a spend.
10:09Hmm.
10:09We have 50k.
10:13I'm sure our very clever writers can find a fun, humorous way to write about vagina loader.
10:34Shit.
10:35I'm sorry.
10:36Sorry.
10:36Let's just do a bit of bin something.
10:40Sorry.
10:41It's my mother's.
10:42Ah.
10:43I live with my mother.
10:44Interesting.
10:45Is it?
10:46It feels like a failure to me.
10:48Failure is interesting to me.
10:50It is.
10:51When it's happening to other people.
10:54Do you meditate?
10:56No.
10:57Should I?
10:58Meditation is watching yourself fail to meditate.
11:02I'm surprised I'm not enlightened.
11:04You know, making jokes is another form of watching.
11:09Perhaps you're more enlightened than you think.
11:15Sorry.
11:16I hate violets.
11:17I just hate cockroaches more.
11:20So, not a Buddhist?
11:22No.
11:23No, I'm an osteopath.
11:24Oh, beautiful swing.
11:28Who are you angry at?
11:30The guy that made my bad coffee this morning.
11:32John, always.
11:34Peter, Christine, Mike Houghton, Sweet Jane.
11:38Okay.
11:39Let's start with Sweet Jane.
11:40Oh, people like her.
11:42She's witty.
11:43And the more they like her, the more they dislike me.
11:47I just can't stop thinking about him having sex with her.
11:50Sweet Jane.
11:50The librarian.
11:52Oh, of course.
11:53Let's sit.
11:57And it hurts.
11:58What?
11:59You said last week you wanted him to be happy.
12:00Well, I've changed my mind.
12:01And I've thought about what you asked me and I don't have time to be happy or intimate.
12:12Not even with yourself?
12:13No.
12:14Not tapping anything.
12:15Are you at least journaling?
12:18I'm writing to myself.
12:20Should I be thinking about sex?
12:23No.
12:24You should be having it.
12:31Hey, Ev.
12:34Luce, does pole dancing get you out of the head?
12:37Eh, sort of.
12:38Great.
12:38When's the next class?
12:50I mean, it's just a kimono, right?
12:52It wasn't just a kimono.
12:53She had chopsticks in her hair.
12:54Yeah, I concur.
12:55As a person of Scottish heritage, I find punks in tartan skirts a little bit rude.
12:59Okay, but is it cultural appropriation?
13:01Or is it just fashion?
13:02Evelyn, what do you think?
13:04Well, what's the argument for cultural appreciation?
13:07I think that's the grumpy Gen X position.
13:09Ooh.
13:10Isn't imitation the sincerest form of flattery?
13:13Not if you're profiting off someone else's culture.
13:15Well, I'm about to start pole dancing.
13:17And though I'm not a stripper, I also won't be getting paid a cent.
13:21We could use the money.
13:24Oh, wow.
13:25Sorry, Opal, but are you descended from ancient Greeks?
13:28That's a very strong look for a Tuesday.
13:30This has potential to be a HR situation.
13:33I like it.
13:35It's Dom's opening night tonight.
13:37Oh, yeah.
13:38I was going to borrow something fun from the rack.
13:40No.
13:41And no.
13:48Loosen your thigh muscles.
13:49Let the pole take you.
13:52Try hair whip.
13:53I promise it helps.
13:54It feels like it.
13:57Look.
14:01Is the woman in suspenders really here for exercise?
14:05Sometimes a costume gives you that extra bit of confidence.
14:08Why?
14:08Because it's a disguise.
14:10She's not hiding behind us suspenders.
14:12I think they just enhance whatever's already there.
14:16I just did the class in my mother's underwear.
14:18And that's really enhanced my low self-esteem.
14:21I hear you wearing Ginny's undies.
14:23Because I ran out.
14:24They were just there on the rack.
14:25Unmissable.
14:26Sometimes dressing up as someone else helps get you in touch with deeper and unexpressed desires.
14:37You doing the dress-up thing?
14:39No comment.
14:40I just told you about Ginny's undies.
14:41We're experimenting a bit.
14:44Daniel's always had a thing for Jessica Rabbit.
14:46Dressing up is a stereotype for a horny misogynist.
14:49Well, at least I'm having sex.
14:52I don't even particularly like it.
14:53I'm sure it's really embodied and satisfying for you.
15:00Have you ever thought that your sarcasm might be a bit of a costume?
15:03No, it's just my personality.
15:05Or a personality disorder.
15:08Did you feel grounded in your body?
15:10I felt grounded in somebody's body.
15:12The strippers.
15:13I wasn't going to say it.
15:15You girls looking for work?
15:17Oh, no.
15:18No, I'm leaving.
15:19Oh, my God.
15:23Oh, hey, Mum.
15:27What are these?
15:28Oh, it's just a work thing.
15:30What are you doing here?
15:31I didn't really want to have Erica's lentil shepherd's pie.
15:35Lentils?
15:36This is very librarian.
15:37I told Daddy she could come.
15:39Don't you know the director?
15:40Oh, it's a one-man, three sisters.
15:43I mean, it might take a very long time.
15:45One sister per hour.
15:47It sounds cool.
15:49Please?
15:50Okay, I'll text Opal.
15:52Call your dad and tell him you're paleo.
15:55My mother used to leave hers on the bathtub ledge.
15:58I thought it was a bubble blower until she caught me.
16:02What does it actually do?
16:03It's a whore's bath.
16:05Can't say whore.
16:06How would you best describe it?
16:08Well, I don't know.
16:10I'm struggling to come up with a tagline that's humorous yet misogynistic.
16:14Is it like a liquid pipe cleaner?
16:19Yeah, exactly.
16:22You gonna wear that?
16:23Oh, yeah.
16:25Why not?
16:26It's androgynous.
16:27Very on theme.
16:28That's fine.
16:29What about you, Ev?
16:30Can you wear the usual jacket and your pajama bottoms?
16:32No.
16:33No.
16:34I've got this.
16:34A man must work, toil in the sweat of his brow, for that is the meaning and object of
17:01his luck, his happiness, how fine it is to be a workman who gets up at dawn and breaks
17:11stones in the street.
17:15Or a shepherd, or an engine driver on the railway.
17:19Why does this have to happen to me?
17:25I got you these.
17:26Then it spends two hours.
17:30It will always be my heart, mine, not yours.
17:37And if we only knew, we only knew.
17:42Do not say it was bold or compliment him on learning his lines.
17:54Can I make a joke about Chekhov's gun?
17:56No.
17:57Please.
17:58No.
18:00Can I get you a drink?
18:01Oh, you've got drool on your mouth.
18:08Sorry.
18:08I'm underslept.
18:10But Addy seemed to love it.
18:12I just love that he turned the women into, like, three disembodied voices.
18:17Hmm.
18:18Opal.
18:20Baby.
18:21Oh, you were amazing.
18:24Thanks for coming, Evelyn.
18:25Oh, wow.
18:27That was, um, good on you.
18:30It was really the lack of sets and costumes.
18:35Very bold.
18:38She said it better.
18:40I just like that you didn't make it all about gender.
18:43You're a smart kid.
18:45Three sisters may follow three women, but it's about much bigger universal themes like class
18:51and how the old order is always destroyed by the shameless barbarism of the net.
18:57Maybe you just had their scarves wrapped around the next bit tight.
19:01Will you review?
19:03At least the part you're awake.
19:05You'd be wonderfully self-aware if you did.
19:07I was just resting my eyes.
19:09What's the matter, Dom?
19:11Well, you were on your meme machine the whole time, and I botched a line.
19:14No one noticed.
19:17Anyway, she was just live tweeting.
19:18It's a new style of review.
19:19Oh, well, let's see the phone.
19:22Come on.
19:27Wow.
19:28A powerful endorsement.
19:31We can all go home and blog now.
19:35Ah, there he is.
19:37Man of the hour.
19:38Man of the last three and a half.
19:40Let's go.
19:42Come on.
19:43It was good to meet you.
19:44Nice to meet you.
19:49I don't like how he's talking to you.
19:54It's condescending.
19:57There's something off about his politics.
19:59Yeah, well, it's probably over, so don't worry.
20:02I shouldn't have let you post about your relationship.
20:08How do you find I've out?
20:10What?
20:10Why?
20:11You need to have a detox just for a day for some rest and reflection.
20:17And, Opal, never fall in love with someone who sees you as a threat.
20:21You need to have a detox.
20:28I don't know.
20:29This is just pretending.
20:37I get overbearing souls.
20:45I hope you're not smoking in there, Evelyn, Virginia.
20:54No, Mum. I've just lit some incense.
21:08I don't really understand what you're talking about.
21:12Basically, it's about borrowing costumes from other people's culture.
21:16What, like women wearing pants?
21:18Or when judges dress up like Mozart?
21:20No, Liam. No, not like that.
21:23Oh. Should we call the police?
21:24I don't think they can do anything.
21:27What's going on?
21:28Some explosive photos of Opal went live on the site last night.
21:32I've removed them, but they were live for several hours.
21:34Who posted them?
21:35Came from Opal's account.
21:37That pig.
21:39Wait, why were they up for several hours, Guy?
21:42I don't know, but it was spicy.
21:45Where's Opal?
21:46She's not in yet.
21:48Oh, I've got her phone.
21:50She's detoxing.
21:52Oh, well, maybe she doesn't know yet.
21:53Do we have to tell her?
21:54They were downloaded several times so they could be anywhere in the World Wide Web by now.
21:58Yeah, we know how the internet works, Guy.
22:01Hola.
22:01Did I miss a meeting?
22:06What?
22:08Nothing.
22:09Some photos of you were uploaded to the site last night.
22:15They'd been taken down.
22:16Oh, God.
22:18Um, was it Catwoman?
22:21No.
22:23Basic instinct?
22:26Sister act?
22:27Sister act?
22:28Yeah, scarf is a habit and undies.
22:30It wasn't sister act.
22:31It was a photo with purple leg warmers and a very tight, sheer, yellow and blue striped leotard.
22:37With a bit of side boob.
22:40Fuck, flash dance.
22:42I'm going to call the police.
22:43You're such a douchebag.
22:44Police can't do anything.
22:45It's not illegal.
22:46Guy, weird that this is the most talkative you've ever been.
22:49That's fair enough.
22:50I shouldn't have, um, posted this kid marks piece and their sexual threesome and his eye cream stuff.
22:58Opal, are you okay?
23:01Yeah.
23:03I'm, yeah, fine.
23:05I, I think, do you want to take the rest of the day off?
23:11Maybe.
23:12Oh, maybe.
23:13Maybe.
23:35Maybe.
23:44I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I...
23:47Ev. Ev. Ben called. He wants an update.
24:04Yeah, I know. I'm trying.
24:05Okay.
24:06Okay.
24:36Guys, I've got it. It's women like us. Women on the go. The douche is for women that are
24:50too busy to have the perfect opinion about every micro issue. They're too busy to have
24:54even a proper shower.
24:55You're reclaiming the douchebag?
24:57Why not? They've been appropriating our culture. I mean, why should douche just be a word for
25:03the shitty man? So also a shitty woman?
25:07No, the douche woman isn't shitty. She's in a rush to climb ladders, smash ceilings, run
25:13the world. She doesn't have to waste time being perfect. She's just clean enough.
25:19So the douche is like an accessory to the girl boss culture?
25:23Yes. And for anyone who's ever used it as a slur, I say to them, my culture is not your
25:29costume. Actually, no, that's wrong. Very wrong.
25:34What if I said to you, I used the douche, let me finish, on my ear canals, and it cleared
25:40out the water log and cured my vertigo? I'd say you go, girl.
25:45Let's go, girls. Come on.
25:57I'm going out tonight, I'm feeling alright. Gonna let it all hang out. The best thing about
26:07being a woman is that provocative to have a little fun, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, go totally
26:16crazy. Forget I'm a lady. Men's shirt, short skirts. Oh, oh, oh, I want to be free, yeah,
26:24to feel the way I feel. And man, I feel like a woman.
26:31putting Carpenter in common.
26:34Music.
26:38The upsets.
26:42.
26:45.
26:52And may we take aå …uto line?
26:56.
26:58Transcription by ESO. Translation by —
27:28Transcription by —