- 7 months ago
- #dickfiguresmovie
#DickFiguresMovie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30This is a story about stick figures who live in a world full of monsters and explosions
00:00:46and raccoons and a lot of other cool stuff too.
00:00:51And it all takes place on a little planet we like to call Earth.
00:00:59There it is.
00:01:14Who the fuck cares?
00:01:16I got the words for lunch.
00:01:18Oh my god, you think there are going to be boys at this school or what?
00:01:21Ew, boys have coonies.
00:01:24Adios, assholes. I'm late for a rave.
00:01:27Yes!
00:01:31Oh no, not the explosion factory!
00:01:43Where'd you learn to walk? Cripple school? Nice!
00:01:46If you're happy and you don't crap your hands.
00:01:49If you're happy and you don't crap your hands.
00:01:53Hey bitch, you want a pixie stick?
00:01:55My mom says those turn you into a whore.
00:01:57Probably.
00:01:58Oh, hello, Blue.
00:01:59Hey, Lord Tourette's.
00:02:01First day of class?
00:02:02Yeah.
00:02:03Splendid!
00:02:04Mine as well.
00:02:05Say, there's a young jerk face looking for you.
00:02:08Says he wants to beat your back until you die.
00:02:10Well, ta-ta!
00:02:15Oui.
00:02:18Sup, brah? You new here or what?
00:02:20Uh, yeah. First day.
00:02:22Must be, because otherwise you'd know what the see-saw is for fifth graders.
00:02:26Uh, sorry, I didn't know.
00:02:28Yeah? Prize for playing on the fifth grade playground is your milk money.
00:02:36But I'm lactose intolerant!
00:02:38Really? Well, let's see if you're fist-ose intolerant.
00:02:44What's the matter, blue kid?
00:02:46My mom says I drink too much water, that's how come I cry so much.
00:02:49And pee.
00:02:51Gross!
00:02:53You know, I got held back five years, but my muscles didn't.
00:03:00Old McDonald had a farm. Now you're gonna die, nerd.
00:03:07What is that?
00:03:09It's an asteroid!
00:03:17What?
00:03:28Sup?
00:03:30Huh?
00:03:31Oh my god, who's that?
00:03:33It's a new kid! Get him!
00:03:46Whoa!
00:03:55No, no, no, no, no!
00:04:16Uh!
00:04:27Yeah!
00:04:32Yeah!
00:04:46Yeah!
00:04:56Oh my god, you're so sexy!
00:04:58I know.
00:04:59Dude, you saved my life!
00:05:00I know!
00:05:01What's your name?
00:05:02I know. I mean, I'm red.
00:05:04My name's blue. No matter what happens, I promise, I will always be your friend.
00:05:10I know, cause I'm awesome!
00:05:16I know.
00:05:47Yeah!
00:05:48Yeah!
00:05:49Yeah!
00:05:50Yeah!
00:05:51Yeah!
00:05:52Yeah!
00:05:53Yeah!
00:05:54Yeah!
00:05:55Yeah!
00:05:56Yeah!
00:05:57Yeah!
00:05:58Yeah!
00:05:59Yeah!
00:06:00Yeah!
00:06:01Yeah!
00:06:02Yeah!
00:06:03Yeah!
00:06:04Yeah!
00:06:05Yeah!
00:06:06Yeah!
00:06:07Yeah!
00:06:08Yeah!
00:06:09Yeah!
00:06:10Yeah!
00:06:11Yeah!
00:06:12Yeah!
00:06:13Yeah!
00:06:14Yeah!
00:06:15Yeah!
00:06:16Yeah!
00:06:17Yeah!
00:06:18Yeah!
00:06:28Did you kill our dog?
00:06:29Whoa, mommy!
00:06:36SUBSCRIBE NOW
00:06:40Come on, blue, please.
00:06:41I'm not gonna tell you.
00:06:42Please, please, please.
00:06:43present of all time. I'm not going to spoil the surprise.
00:06:46You're such a jerk.
00:06:48Oh my god.
00:06:50Wow. You're a jerk and a wuss.
00:06:54No.
00:06:56Alright, you pussy. I gotta go to work.
00:07:00See you later, Blue. I'll call you tonight.
00:07:02Okay, Smoochie-poo-poo-pie.
00:07:04I can't wait to see what you get me for my birthday.
00:07:06Hey, toots.
00:07:07Go to hell, Red.
00:07:08Okay, see you there.
00:07:11Gelato.
00:07:12Falafel.
00:07:13Dude, this place is a dump.
00:07:15You know where there is a dump? Your bed.
00:07:18God damn it, dude. Not again.
00:07:20Use the toilet.
00:07:22Gelato.
00:07:26Mr. Dingleberry.
00:07:27You haven't paid rent in eight months.
00:07:30Oh my god, you're right.
00:07:32Here, let me get my checkbook.
00:07:34Okay. I'll just wait right here.
00:07:38Gelato.
00:07:40Pocket.
00:07:42Expired. Expired. Rotten. Poisoned.
00:07:46Dude, you've been playing that first level for three hours.
00:07:48Can you really not make that jump?
00:07:50I can make it. I just hate that little guy.
00:07:53Mamma mia!
00:07:55Move over.
00:07:56I've got a degree in advanced joystick theory,
00:07:58and I ain't afraid to use it.
00:08:00Yeah, I heard you practicing last night.
00:08:02Oh, Olivia. Oh, mun.
00:08:05You do it for me every time.
00:08:07There. Done with this hand-crocheted towel of Olivia Munn.
00:08:10Time to jack off.
00:08:11Let me show you how this shit's done, son.
00:08:13The fuck? Who took the lights?
00:08:15I mean, we haven't paid the electricity bill in seven months.
00:08:18We pay for electricity?
00:08:19You don't. I do.
00:08:21Wait! All of our food's gonna go bad.
00:08:24All of our food is bad.
00:08:28You can't let precious food go to waste.
00:08:31Dude, you know that's all expired.
00:08:35I don't care!
00:08:37Oh, God. Not the milk.
00:08:40I'll keep you safe in my belly, cow juice.
00:08:44Hey, listen. I got a big problem.
00:08:46I totally just lied to Pink.
00:08:49Her birthday's next week,
00:08:50and I told her I got her the greatest gift of all time,
00:08:52but I didn't get her anything.
00:08:55Give her this mayonnaise jar.
00:08:57No. Come on. You know what girls like, right?
00:08:59What should I get her?
00:09:00Hey, you should go see the rac—
00:09:02See who?
00:09:03The rac—
00:09:05What are you trying to say?
00:09:06I can only say so many words before—
00:09:11The raccoon!
00:09:14He's got the coolest stuff.
00:09:22Yeesh. I don't know if I should get my girlfriend a gift in the pawn shop.
00:09:25You should get her this cool hat.
00:09:27Yeah, try it on.
00:09:28So, you want a gift for your girlfriend, eh?
00:09:33Whoa. How'd you know?
00:09:34You talk very loud.
00:09:37It's perfect!
00:09:38Did you touch that fucking bathrobe?
00:09:42No?
00:09:43Idiot.
00:09:44Um, so, me and my girlfriend have been dating a long time,
00:09:47and I want to get her something super romantic.
00:09:50I've got the perfect gift for you.
00:09:52But first, a story.
00:09:55No! Old people stories!
00:10:25I was too late!
00:10:28In my rage, I fought the Takagami Demon Army
00:10:32and threw ten hundred thousand hundred warriors.
00:10:36Honorably, all that remained was the Lord Takagami himself.
00:10:42Though wounded, he shattered the braid and scattered it to the wind.
00:10:46As he lay dying,
00:10:49He was a douchebag.
00:10:51You may have won the battle, Raccoon,
00:10:54but the ghosts of my warriors will haunt the Great Sword of Destiny forever!
00:11:00And with that, he died.
00:11:02But his curse remains,
00:11:04guarding the sword against any who may seek to use its great power again.
00:11:10But the power of the braid was too strong even for me,
00:11:14and in the fury of battle,
00:11:16I found I destroyed not only the Takagami Demon Army,
00:11:20but all of Japan!
00:11:22Dishonored, my kinsmen banished me from my home.
00:11:26Never again.
00:11:28Poor little man.
00:11:30I'm sorry.
00:11:32I'm sorry.
00:11:34I'm sorry.
00:11:36I'm sorry.
00:11:38Poor return.
00:11:42Oh, sorry.
00:11:44I was so bored by my own story.
00:11:46Wait, so where's the sword?
00:11:48There is only one left alive who knows.
00:11:51Who?
00:11:52Hold up. Why the hell would I give Pink a sword?
00:11:54This is retarded.
00:11:55No!
00:11:56Bring me the sword, and in return,
00:11:58I shall give you the greatest gift a girl,
00:12:01no, a woman,
00:12:03no, a goddess,
00:12:05could hope to ever receive.
00:12:07Is it a dick?
00:12:09Yes.
00:12:10Oh, really?
00:12:11No. Ha ha ha. You're very gutterable.
00:12:13Well, who even knows where it still is?
00:12:15You must find the man who considers me his greatest enemy.
00:12:20My son.
00:12:22Son, son!
00:12:30Nope. You're weird.
00:12:31I'm just gonna go buy her some flowers.
00:12:33Shit, I'll find that sword. This sounds awesome!
00:12:35What? Really?
00:12:36Yeah, man!
00:12:37It's a 10,000-year-old sword, hidden in Japan,
00:12:40guarded by demon ninjas?
00:12:42That's the most awesome thing I've ever heard of!
00:12:44Dude, you're gonna get yourself killed going after that thing.
00:12:47Maybe.
00:12:48But at least I'm not a goddamn pussy!
00:12:50I'm not a pussy!
00:12:51You are a pussy with a capital vagina.
00:12:55I told you about the braid because I thought you would have the courage to do something...
00:13:00extraordinary.
00:13:02Yeah, right.
00:13:03All he does all day is sit in his room playing with his joystick.
00:13:06He'd totally get killed.
00:13:10Have fun staying home, man!
00:13:12I'll send you a postcard.
00:13:14This was a mistake.
00:13:16Only a true hero could find the greatest sword of destiny.
00:13:20But I can see now.
00:13:22It is not you.
00:13:29You're wrong.
00:13:30Oh?
00:13:31Yeah.
00:13:32I'm gonna find the shit out of that sword.
00:13:34It's going to be very dangerous.
00:13:36Good.
00:13:37Pussies hate danger.
00:13:39And I'm not a pussy.
00:13:45Gimme that!
00:13:46Oh, yeah!
00:13:47Time to get our quest on!
00:13:50Woo!
00:13:57Okay, maybe I was wrong.
00:13:59This is pretty scary.
00:14:00Seriously?
00:14:01Do you want to get Pink a sick present or not?
00:14:03Okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:14:04Let's go.
00:14:05Oh, yeah.
00:14:06Follow my lead.
00:14:10Oh, crap.
00:14:11There's guards.
00:14:12What do we do?
00:14:13Cartwheel.
00:14:14Cartwheel?
00:14:15Ah!
00:14:16Holy shit!
00:14:17Did you see that?
00:14:18Uh, no.
00:14:20Me neither.
00:14:21Hey, you!
00:14:22Hide behind those crates!
00:14:23Ah!
00:14:24Cartwheel, dude!
00:14:25Ah!
00:14:26Where did he go?
00:14:27Damn cartwheels every time.
00:14:31Woo!
00:14:32See?
00:14:33How would you have any fun without me?
00:14:34Reading is fun.
00:14:35Your mom's fun.
00:14:36Ha ha ha!
00:14:37Now let's find ourselves a boat.
00:14:41Oh!
00:14:42How about this one?
00:14:43Hop, hop, hop!
00:14:44Woo!
00:14:48It's perfect.
00:14:49Dude, let's just get on that one.
00:14:52No way!
00:14:53Have you seen how awesome this thing is?
00:14:54The guns have guns!
00:14:57This one's got boobs and beer.
00:14:59Boobs and beer?
00:15:00Boobs and beer!
00:15:02I'm gonna regret this.
00:15:06Oh, brah!
00:15:07This booze cruise is for college house dudes and dudettes only.
00:15:11Hmm?
00:15:12Oh, holy shit!
00:15:13You're that freshman 15 dude, dude.
00:15:15Didn't you, like, nail 15 freshman chicks in, like, one night?
00:15:18Naked party!
00:15:19Here we go!
00:15:20Woo!
00:15:22Oh, shit!
00:15:23That's, like, four!
00:15:24Fuck my life!
00:15:25Oh, yeah!
00:15:26That was back in my college years.
00:15:28I can't believe it's only 15.
00:15:30Yes, brah.
00:15:31Yes!
00:15:32That's what I'm talking about!
00:15:33Dude, welcome aboard, bro-dude-bro.
00:15:34Kegs are on the poop deck, babes on the port side, but watch out for Neptune.
00:15:39Ah!
00:15:40Party foul!
00:15:41Ah!
00:15:42Woo!
00:15:43Titties here I come!
00:15:44Oh, wow.
00:15:45That was way easy.
00:15:46Oh, brah.
00:15:47This party train sailing for port?
00:15:48Cool.
00:15:49So consider yourself the third wheel.
00:15:51Wait, but I thought we were cool.
00:15:53You thought thinking was cool?
00:15:54Dude.
00:15:56What the hell?
00:15:58Sorry, dude!
00:15:59Should've paid more freshman checks!
00:16:01How the fuck am I gonna get to Japan?
00:16:03Take your card, stupid!
00:16:06Hey!
00:16:07We only have room for one more pallet!
00:16:09Should we load the beer or the life vests?
00:16:11Load the beer!
00:16:12No regrets!
00:16:13No regrets!
00:16:20Let's get this party started!
00:16:23Captain DJ, make that anchor.
00:16:25Drop!
00:16:32And so Red and Blue took a booze cruise across the ocean blue.
00:16:37But they were attacked by pirates and they were all beheaded!
00:16:40Just kidding.
00:16:41They all got sea scurvy and died head of their butts.
00:16:44No, no, these are all lies.
00:16:46Unfortunately, they made it to Japan.
00:16:49But pirates sounded pretty cool, right?
00:16:51All right.
00:16:52Here's Japan.
00:16:54Woo!
00:16:55Okay!
00:17:08Konnichiwa!
00:17:10Dude, this place is so racist!
00:17:12Barf paper, bitches!
00:17:15You ladies wanna sumo wrestle?
00:17:18I'm gonna die here.
00:17:19See ya, dudes!
00:17:20See ya, dudes!
00:17:21No regrets!
00:17:22No regrets, dudes!
00:17:23I'm so happy!
00:17:47I am so angry!
00:17:49I'm in danger of failing at Ninja Video Game Academy!
00:17:52What will happen when Blue Sun finds out I'm in love with him?
00:17:55Fuck you!
00:18:03This place is too cartoony for me.
00:18:11Oh, sick ramen!
00:18:13This is some crunchy-ass rice.
00:18:15Red, that's a bowl of tiny cell phones.
00:18:18That's a lot of painful poops.
00:18:20But this is gonna be a bad one.
00:18:22Yeah, good luck with that.
00:18:27Oh yeah, wow, that would be great, thanks!
00:18:29Domo arigato.
00:18:32Um, we're trying to get to this restaurant.
00:18:34Do you know it?
00:18:38Are you okay?
00:18:42What is wrong with her face?
00:18:48What are those feathers?
00:18:50Yeah, uh-huh.
00:18:51You are extremely unhelpful.
00:18:53Yatta!
00:18:54Now I must go to school today.
00:18:56Okay, sayonara!
00:19:05Oh my god.
00:19:06All those animes were documentaries.
00:19:09NINJA VIDEO GAME ACADEMY
00:19:15Ah, that sushi restaurant better be close.
00:19:17I'm hungry for some more cell phones.
00:19:20Dude, I think we're here.
00:19:28How are we gonna know what the raccoon's kid even looks like?
00:19:31Freeze, have a seat.
00:19:33Huh, guess he's not here.
00:19:38Can I help you?
00:19:39Konnichiwa.
00:19:40We, uh, we've traveled a long way to find this village.
00:19:44Do you know the raccoon?
00:19:47The raccoon?
00:19:48I hate that guy.
00:19:50His voice sounds so stupid.
00:19:52Alright, guys?
00:19:54Ha ha ha, totally.
00:19:55Eat your noodles.
00:19:57I don't want to eat my noodles.
00:19:59I am Sansan, son of Papa-san.
00:20:03The one you call the raccoon.
00:20:06What?
00:20:08This is my wife, wife-san.
00:20:10And my son, grandson-san.
00:20:13Huh, raccoon looks nothing like his family.
00:20:15A family he abandoned when he dishonored the mighty Hapan with the greatest sword of destiny.
00:20:21It was too powerful for him, and you will never find it!
00:20:27Oh, this is some bullshit!
00:20:29I want some goddamn sushi!
00:20:32I will cut sushi
00:20:34after I cut yours!
00:20:39Wasabi!
00:20:41A spicy seaweed!
00:20:44Miso!
00:20:47Hot tea!
00:20:51Okay, I will make you sushi.
00:20:58Oh, thank Godzilla.
00:21:01I think I like the cellphones better.
00:21:03So the raccoon, uh, Papa-san, said that you'd know where to find the sword?
00:21:06I swore an oath that I would never reveal the location of the weapon,
00:21:10so it may never fall into his hands again.
00:21:13Oh, no, it's not for the raccoon. It's for me.
00:21:15Oh, well, that's fine. It's just up at that mountain.
00:21:25Nope.
00:21:26Nope.
00:21:30Red-san, you're so fat.
00:21:32I had a whole bowl of cellphones for lunch.
00:21:34Ah, that explains it.
00:21:41Oh, sick.
00:21:42Oh, damn, I bet they got hella swords in there.
00:21:45Hey, hey, wait, you no pay!
00:21:50Mr. Makasan, you stop. Very dangerous. You go no further.
00:21:54Sorry, man, we're kinda getting our quest on.
00:21:56Yeah, don't worry about it, pussy.
00:22:02Red! Dude, wait!
00:22:24Oh, a splinter.
00:22:26This place might be dangerous after all.
00:22:30Whoa, there it is.
00:22:32Man, that little panda was right.
00:22:45Oh, my God, that's a bad one.
00:22:47Invasive maneuvers!
00:22:55Huh?
00:22:57It's just the hilt of the sword!
00:23:00The what of the sword?
00:23:01It's just the handle!
00:23:03That sucks.
00:23:04You think?
00:23:05We came all this way for the goddamn handle?
00:23:08Man, this is a cool drawing. It's got, like, all three continents.
00:23:11You mean continents?
00:23:13Yeah, uh, there's Squiggle, Super Squiggle, and America.
00:23:18Which one are we on now?
00:23:20We're on Squiggle.
00:23:21So, there's two pieces left?
00:23:23I guess so, I don't fucking know.
00:23:39Oh, hey, guys, what's up?
00:23:40We are the Takagami Demon Army.
00:23:43Our blades burn like fire, and our fire stings like ice.
00:23:48And our ice is really fucking cold.
00:23:52We are cursed to protect the great sword of destiny
00:23:55from anyone who seek to use its mighty power.
00:23:59We don't want to use it.
00:24:01I just wanted a birthday present for my girlfriend.
00:24:03Then we shall kill her, too, because she will have the sword.
00:24:07Wait, dude, uh, can we talk about this?
00:24:10The only thing we're going to talk about
00:24:13The only thing we're going to talk about
00:24:16is, uh, how old dead you're about to be.
00:24:19Blast this! This party sucks!
00:24:22Run for it!
00:24:23Seize their souls!
00:24:25From our point of view, they are the villains, not us.
00:24:27It's totally rational from our side of the story.
00:24:30Dude, that fish craved.
00:24:32Stop running your mouth and start running your legs.
00:24:34Why? Are the cops coming?
00:24:36Yes.
00:24:38This is all your fault!
00:24:40How do I ever let you talk me into this?
00:24:42Dude, shut up! The cops are coming!
00:24:44They're not cops, they're demons!
00:24:46Oh, really?
00:24:47Why do demons scare you less than cops?
00:24:49Demons don't have guns!
00:25:08I should have never gone on this stupid quest!
00:25:10I would have been better off getting her that bear trap!
00:25:12Oh, you mean that sweet hat?
00:25:38Ah!
00:25:52Red, come on!
00:26:02Be very careful with that dynamite.
00:26:04It's going to the explosion factory.
00:26:07Ah!
00:26:23Holy crap, we made it!
00:26:25And we're floating away!
00:26:27What are you talking about?
00:26:28I mean the tides are carrying us out to sea!
00:26:30Oh, yeah! Bermuda Triangle, here we come!
00:26:34Well, what are we going to do?
00:26:35I don't know, but hey, at least we got sushi!
00:26:38Ah!
00:26:40See ya, Japan! You stay crazy!
00:26:48Rowboat trip! Woo!
00:26:51Would you shut up? I don't know if you've noticed or not, but we're in some deep shit!
00:26:54Uh, I think it's called a rowboat.
00:26:56That isn't funny!
00:26:57We're stuck in the middle of the ocean with only the hilt of this stupid sword,
00:27:00and now we're going to die out here and I'm going to miss Pink's birthday!
00:27:02I don't know why you're doing all this crazy stuff for her anyway.
00:27:04Who cares? She's just a girl!
00:27:06Well, I love her, okay? That's why!
00:27:09What does that mean?
00:27:12Wait, you really don't know what love means?
00:27:15Of course you don't.
00:27:17It's this feeling you get when you see someone deep down inside of you.
00:27:21Your heart starts pumping and you just feel happy all over.
00:27:24It's the strongest, most wonderful feeling you can have for someone.
00:27:27So you mean a boner?
00:27:29No!
00:27:30Dude, I'm in love all day!
00:27:31You are such an idiot!
00:27:33I wouldn't do all this for a boner.
00:27:34I'd just go online and look up pictures of your mom.
00:27:36Shut up!
00:27:37I'm doing this because I think she's in love with me too.
00:27:40No way, man. She likes me.
00:27:42What?
00:27:43Yeah, dude. She's always giving me those dirty looks.
00:27:46Because she hates you!
00:27:48Red, not every girl in the world thinks you're cool, hot shit.
00:27:51Yeah, they do.
00:27:52Why do you think I beat up all those bullies back in kindergarten?
00:27:55To save my life?
00:27:58What? No!
00:28:01Dude, I was trying to impress all those chicks.
00:28:04What?
00:28:05Yeah, it worked pretty good too.
00:28:07You beat me up, embarrassed me, screwed my ex-girlfriends,
00:28:09crapped on my bed, stole my shit,
00:28:11eaten my food and taken my money for years.
00:28:13I stayed friends with you this whole time because for some reason,
00:28:16I actually thought you were my friend too!
00:28:19Well, you must feel pretty stupid.
00:28:22Fuck you!
00:28:28You're such an asshole!
00:28:30I can't believe you let me think we were actually friends!
00:28:33Well, maybe I'd be friends with you if you weren't such a goddamn loser all the time!
00:28:38I'm a loser?
00:28:40I caught you masturbating to Animal Planet!
00:28:42That was one time!
00:28:44You're just racist against elephants!
00:28:48I can't believe I stuck by your side for 20 goddamn years!
00:28:51I'm not your friend anymore!
00:28:54Good! I'm not yours!
00:28:56Awesome!
00:28:57Good!
00:28:58I'm glad!
00:29:27Hey, baby! This one's for you!
00:29:30Oh my god, who is that?
00:29:35Yeah!
00:29:38So, what are you doing after recess?
00:29:46Huh?
00:29:47Holy shit.
00:29:48Red?
00:29:49Red, are you dead?
00:29:52Nah, man! Just kidding!
00:29:55Nah, man! Just tanning my back!
00:29:57Goddamn it!
00:29:59Where are we?
00:30:01We're in paradise, man!
00:30:04No, we're not! We're on Deserted Island!
00:30:06We should really sail to Dinner Island first!
00:30:09No, Deserted Island! Oh my god!
00:30:11Is there Burrito Island?
00:30:12That sounds way better!
00:30:14Oh my god!
00:30:15Oh my god, I'm actually gonna die!
00:30:17I'm gonna die next to an asshole and I'll never see pink's boobs again!
00:30:20Yeah, and I'm getting real worried this place doesn't have internet!
00:30:23Oh shit, maybe!
00:30:26Oh no, where's my phone?
00:30:27Wait, dude! Do you need a bowl full of tiny cell phones for lunch?
00:30:30Oh yeah!
00:30:35Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Come on!
00:30:38Nope!
00:30:39Dude!
00:30:40It's not coming out!
00:30:45Here, let me try!
00:30:47Ow! Not so hard, asshole!
00:30:49How about this?
00:30:51Stop it!
00:30:52Let me just try to dial it with my butt muscles!
00:30:59Yep, this is my nightmare.
00:31:03It's ringing!
00:31:04I can't believe I'm doing this!
00:31:06If you fart, I'll kill you!
00:31:08Careful! If I fart, I'll kill you!
00:31:10Hello, you've reached Global Rescue Services, ready to rescue you wherever you are,
00:31:14especially if you're stuck on a deserted island.
00:31:17Hello? Can you hear me?
00:31:18Well, hello yourself, baby.
00:31:20You can rescue me any time.
00:31:22What are you wearing? What are you doing?
00:31:23Oh, you know, just bored at work.
00:31:25I get off at 7 if you want to meet up at Burrito Island and...
00:31:29Oh my god!
00:31:33I think I broke the phone.
00:31:36Screw you!
00:31:38That is it!
00:31:40Where are you going?
00:31:41Home! You can finish this goddamn quest on your own!
00:31:45I knew you were a pussy!
00:31:49This was the stupidest idea!
00:31:51Stupid, lame-ass blue!
00:31:53That sword is gonna be tight!
00:31:56Getting my beach on, singing the beach song,
00:31:59hoping that a crab doesn't nibble my balls.
00:32:13Wow!
00:32:19This place is paradise!
00:32:21The sun is so warm!
00:32:23The water's so clear!
00:32:24The sand, like diamonds beneath my feet!
00:32:27The air smells so sweet, like...
00:32:30Smoke?
00:32:33Red?
00:32:41Red, what did you do?
00:32:42What?
00:32:44Oh, that.
00:32:45You ruined everything!
00:32:47It's not that bad!
00:32:48We're gonna be burned alive!
00:32:51What is that?
00:32:52King Kong!
00:32:53Is that a plane?
00:32:54Bees!
00:32:56Holy shit, it is a plane!
00:32:58Sky Demon!
00:33:00Cheerio, chaps! Grab a hold!
00:33:18Perfectly executed signal fire, old chaps!
00:33:20Spotted it a fortnight away!
00:33:22Still a damn shame you burned down Burrito Island.
00:33:25That was Burrito Island?
00:33:27No!
00:33:29Maybe it was Boobie Island.
00:33:30No!
00:33:33Who are you?
00:33:34You're flying with Captain Major Lieutenant Truckee Grimm,
00:33:38Private First Class, retired.
00:33:42You're a pilot?
00:33:43And I'm a pilot.
00:33:46You're a pilot?
00:33:47And an alcoholic!
00:33:48A thousand flights, a thousand crashes.
00:33:50Perfect record.
00:33:55Trying to flip us over, you old bitch?
00:33:57Did I mention I'm blind?
00:33:59Alcohol blindness.
00:34:00You and me both, brother.
00:34:04What are you doing flying all the way out here?
00:34:06On my way to Gay Paris.
00:34:08I'm meeting an old friend from the war,
00:34:10Colonel Dingleberry.
00:34:12Mr. Dingleberry?
00:34:15He was a private when I knew him.
00:34:16Haven't seen him since D-Day.
00:34:18Or Dingle Day, as he liked to call it.
00:34:20We are on a top-secret mission
00:34:22to stop two blokes from finding the Great Sword of Destiny.
00:34:25Uh, what two blokes?
00:34:27Oh, the dossier said their names were...
00:34:29What was it?
00:34:30Red and Blue.
00:34:34Say, tell an old blind man your names.
00:34:37Uh, Tom?
00:34:39And Tom.
00:34:41Tom and Tom.
00:34:42Not enough Toms in the world, I've always said, by Jove.
00:34:46For sure.
00:34:48This mission's important to me, lads.
00:34:50So important that I've quit drinking.
00:34:55In fact, I think my alcohol blindness
00:34:57is being cured as we speak.
00:34:59I think I see a cloud.
00:35:01An eagle, bastard.
00:35:03My God, the sun.
00:35:05Oh shit, he's gonna see us. What do we do?
00:35:07Run away, man!
00:35:09Dude, we're screwed.
00:35:11Maybe not.
00:35:13You think of what I'm thinking?
00:35:14Never.
00:35:15We just get this guy sloshed and he'll be as blind as a pelican.
00:35:18Pelicans aren't blind.
00:35:19Come on!
00:35:20Here, crookie, a toast.
00:35:22For good luck.
00:35:23No, no.
00:35:24I mustn't have a drop.
00:35:25The fate of the queen depends on it.
00:35:27Wouldn't be very proper to turn down a shot of English gin, would it?
00:35:30Bitch, prop us my middle name.
00:35:34Woo-hoo! Tally-ho!
00:35:37See? I told you this was a bad idea.
00:35:40Whoa!
00:35:41Dude, you are a lightweight.
00:35:42Boulder dash.
00:35:43I know that sound.
00:35:45Gentlemen, we're under attack.
00:35:50Holy crap.
00:35:51Are you serious?
00:35:52Don't worry, chaps.
00:35:53There's a .50 cal in the top turret.
00:35:55One of you old boys be a sport and fend off those Jerrys for a pip, will you?
00:35:59All right, you shoot the machine gun,
00:36:01I'll keep the old guy flying the plane blind.
00:36:03That is the worst plan I've ever heard.
00:36:05All right, fine.
00:36:07But in case I die, I still hate you.
00:36:09I hope they shoot you in the face.
00:36:19Seize their souls!
00:36:21Oh, shit!
00:36:22Jetpack demon ninjas!
00:36:24We toasted to you, so now we gotta toast to me.
00:36:27Well, it's only customary.
00:36:29To top!
00:36:30Who?
00:36:32Okay, I got this.
00:36:40Whoa!
00:36:49Nice evasive maneuvers.
00:36:51You leave my mother out of this, you twat.
00:36:54The mother.
00:36:55Everybody's got a mother.
00:36:57Your mom's got a mother.
00:37:10Ah!
00:37:15Oh, my God, I just puked.
00:37:17Don't get cocky.
00:37:18Crooky?
00:37:23Jupiter Olympus?
00:37:25No!
00:37:32Hey, what's your favorite animal?
00:37:35I like the color green a lot.
00:37:37But also the bathroom, because that's where you can barf.
00:37:43Hey, hey, I got the last one.
00:37:45You guys see that?
00:37:46Of course you did.
00:37:47You guys see that?
00:37:51Pull up!
00:37:52We're gonna crash!
00:37:53Are you hungry?
00:37:54You gotta pull up right now!
00:37:55We're gonna crash!
00:37:57Oh, shit!
00:37:58Oh, shit!
00:38:08Oh, shit!
00:38:15Everyone okay?
00:38:17I'm fine.
00:38:18I...
00:38:19I'm dying.
00:38:21Oh, shit!
00:38:22Oh, God.
00:38:26Here.
00:38:27Take this.
00:38:29What is it?
00:38:30You two must finish my mission now.
00:38:32Stop those bastards red and blue
00:38:34from finding the great sword of destiny.
00:38:36It's hidden atop
00:38:38Le Tour Eiffel.
00:38:41What?
00:38:42What does that mean?
00:38:43I'm counting on you,
00:38:45my dear Tom and Tom.
00:38:46No, wait!
00:38:47What is Le Tour Eiffel?
00:38:48Another flight,
00:38:50another crash.
00:38:52Perfect.
00:38:53Record.
00:38:55Ah, I tell you.
00:38:58May the eagles carry you up to heaven.
00:39:01That dude's gotta have a hangover tomorrow.
00:39:04Oh, wee!
00:39:06Dude, wait!
00:39:07Since it looks like we're stuck together,
00:39:09we may as well work together.
00:39:11I mean, I guess it was pretty sharp shooting up there
00:39:14with those ninjas,
00:39:15even though you barfed like a loser.
00:39:17Shut up.
00:39:18Come on, let's go find that blade.
00:39:23Ooh, la la.
00:39:24Yeah, I'm gonna go probe this waitress
00:39:26for information.
00:39:27Wait, you're gonna do what?
00:39:29Red, where are you going?
00:39:40Pick up, pick up, pick up.
00:39:42Hey, it's Blue.
00:39:43Just text me.
00:39:44No one listens to voicemails.
00:39:47Hey, Blue, it's Pink.
00:39:49Just calling you for the hundredth time.
00:39:51Where have you been?
00:39:53Mailbox full.
00:39:54You crazy.
00:39:55Dammit!
00:40:09Sup, bitch?
00:40:10Hey, Stacey.
00:40:11You haven't seen Red around, have you?
00:40:13Blue hasn't been answering his phone for like two days.
00:40:15Who's Red?
00:40:17That guy you have sex with every day?
00:40:21Which one?
00:40:22The one with the hat.
00:40:23Oh, Stephen.
00:40:25Sup, babe?
00:40:26Ready for a round Trace?
00:40:27Ah, never mind.
00:40:29Brad, when do you get that hat?
00:40:34Sorry we couldn't meet again, old crookie grin,
00:40:37but I'm sure I'll see you soon.
00:40:39I'm super old.
00:40:41Are you sure it was Rouge et Blue?
00:40:43Ooh, yep, they went that way.
00:40:45Fantastique.
00:40:46We will find them no matter what.
00:40:47Gendarmerie, mobilisement.
00:40:49Calm the area and your mustaches.
00:40:51Especially you, Jacques.
00:40:53Oui.
00:40:58Excellent work, Colonel Dingleberry.
00:41:01The sword is safe thanks to you.
00:41:03You said I'd get a reward?
00:41:05And you shall.
00:41:07You'll be seeing your friend crookie grin sooner than you think.
00:41:13Oh, shit!
00:41:14Should have seen that coming.
00:41:17Yeah, let me show you how to French kiss.
00:41:20Why don't you show me your tour Eiffel instead?
00:41:25What?
00:41:26Red, what are you doing?
00:41:27Beat it, man.
00:41:28Can't I have a private moment here?
00:41:33Garcon, there seems to be an asshole in our soup.
00:41:38Dude, Takagami and those ninjas could still be out there.
00:41:41We've got to find Le Tour Eiffel.
00:41:43Don't worry about him.
00:41:44Why don't you, Escargot, get us a bottle of wine?
00:41:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:41:54Il a beaucoup de crabe a penise.
00:41:59Don't forget that bottle of wine.
00:42:01Seriously? We don't have time for this.
00:42:03Have you seen this place?
00:42:05There's wine and women everywhere.
00:42:08We're in paradise, monsieur.
00:42:10Nope, this is Paris.
00:42:12We've got to find that stupid blade and get out of here.
00:42:15Why are you always bossing everybody around?
00:42:17What are you, the king of Europe?
00:42:19We just don't have time for another interruption.
00:42:22Hommage, hommage.
00:42:26In France it's called fromage.
00:42:30It isn't a mirage.
00:42:33Better pay it some homage.
00:42:40Baguette, baguette.
00:42:42It looks just like a duck.
00:42:45You bake it in the oven and it smells just like a...
00:42:49Shit!
00:42:50Because France's favorite meal is...
00:42:52Dead baby Nazi ass cheese power fart!
00:42:59Oh, she swears just like my son.
00:43:01Dude, is that Lord Tourette's?
00:43:03Well, hello!
00:43:04Motherfuckers!
00:43:05Yeah, that's Lord Tourette's.
00:43:07Dude, what are you doing in Paris?
00:43:10Playing the accordion.
00:43:11But why are you in Paris?
00:43:13To play the accordion!
00:43:16Garçon, I believe there's an accordion in our soup.
00:43:21Garçon, I believe there is a man in our soup.
00:43:25What are you two doing here?
00:43:27We're here to play the accordion too!
00:43:30Really?
00:43:31No.
00:43:32Wait, we're not?
00:43:33No, we're trying to find something called le tour Eiffel.
00:43:37Le tour Eiffel?
00:43:39Oh!
00:43:40You must mean the Eiffel Tower!
00:43:44That's what it is?
00:43:45French is retarded!
00:43:49Spread out!
00:43:50Find those assholes Rouge and Blue.
00:43:53And kill them!
00:43:55Get down!
00:43:56I'm always getting down.
00:43:58Down, down, down.
00:44:00No one kills a mime in my town.
00:44:03Stop it!
00:44:04Now the French police are trying to kill us too!
00:44:06This quest sucks.
00:44:07Whose dumb idea was this?
00:44:08Yours, numbnuts!
00:44:09Now shut up and hide!
00:44:14Shut!
00:44:16Waiter, do you work here?
00:44:17We ordered crab legs.
00:44:19Oh, why, yes you did.
00:44:22They're right here.
00:44:23Waiter, have you seen these two men?
00:44:26Our crab legs?
00:44:27Au revoir, monsieur.
00:44:31Yeesh, your food looks delicious.
00:44:36Mama, the crab's legs won't come off.
00:44:40You must first crack the shell.
00:44:43There you go, take a bite.
00:44:49Ma, your food is cooked so fresh, it is still crying.
00:44:53May I try your bite?
00:44:55Please, it is too much for us.
00:44:57Merci beaucoup.
00:44:59Om, om, om.
00:45:02It is rather tender.
00:45:05It's our most famous dish.
00:45:08Men, men, you must come over and try this crab.
00:45:17Monsieur, we have finished our sweep.
00:45:20Rouge and Blue are nowhere to be found.
00:45:22Very well, we'll return tonight for dinner.
00:45:26And make sure you have plenty of crab.
00:45:28Gendarmerie, mobilisement!
00:45:30Check the next restaurant.
00:45:36Take me back to the ocean.
00:45:38Come on, dude.
00:45:39Be quiet, we can get out of here.
00:45:43Did that crab just fart?
00:45:45Crabs do not have buttholes.
00:45:50Don't let them eat me!
00:45:51Open fire!
00:45:57We've got to get out of here.
00:45:59Get in, I'm the hallmark of this.
00:46:01Shut up!
00:46:03Come on, come on, come on.
00:46:04I'm not going to jail again.
00:46:07Thank God.
00:46:08Lord Terence, can you get us to the Eiffel Tower?
00:46:10You bet your sweet ass.
00:46:12Now, buckle the fuck up.
00:46:13It's going to be a bumpy ride.
00:46:20Alert all units.
00:46:21Give me everything.
00:46:26Freeze, American!
00:46:45I'll be back.
00:46:57Come on.
00:47:16Umbrellas.
00:47:17Get your umbrellas.
00:47:27Take the wheel!
00:47:28Rat!
00:47:57No!
00:48:10Where are we going?
00:48:11Follow me!
00:48:12We'll guide you to the...
00:48:13Cock!
00:48:14Of Paris!
00:48:15The what of what?
00:48:17Changes are great.
00:48:27Freeze!
00:48:34Red!
00:48:38Gotcha!
00:48:41Holy crap.
00:48:43I almost died.
00:48:45You're welcome, motherfucker.
00:48:49Come on!
00:48:56There it is!
00:48:57The Tour Eiffel!
00:49:04Fun fact.
00:49:05This tower was...
00:49:06A rat cat!
00:49:07In 1889.
00:49:08Gross.
00:49:14Oh, crap.
00:49:15They got us surrounded.
00:49:17Oh, you are surrounded.
00:49:18Get off of our cock.
00:49:19You get off of my cock.
00:49:20You get off of my cock.
00:49:21You get off of my cock.
00:49:22You get off of my cock.
00:49:23You get off of my cock.
00:49:24You get off of my cock.
00:49:25You get off of my cock, dick!
00:49:27Oh!
00:49:28How dare you!
00:49:29Be careful.
00:49:30He cusses well.
00:49:31L.T., can you hold them off while we get the blade?
00:49:33Leave it to me!
00:49:35Come on!
00:49:38Oh, my God.
00:49:39I'm out of shape.
00:49:40Dude, I'm like King Kong.
00:49:42How about a little lullaby?
00:49:46Go to sleep.
00:49:48Make the tea.
00:49:50We'll drink some fresh baguettes.
00:49:54Drink some wine, my sweetheart.
00:49:58And my fucking ass shorts!
00:50:00Zut alors!
00:50:01I am becoming very sleepy.
00:50:08Eat donkey shit in hell!
00:50:10Lullaby will make you sleep.
00:50:14I say drag her to the fucking deep!
00:50:24Uh, now what?
00:50:25Stick it in.
00:50:27Stick it in!
00:50:29You're such a creep.
00:50:38Two pieces down, one left to go.
00:50:40I wonder what that last piece is.
00:50:42I hope it's a dragon.
00:50:43I really don't think it's a dragon.
00:50:47Oh, Splendid!
00:50:48You found it!
00:50:49Yeah, but we're still missing that last piece.
00:50:51Oh, wait!
00:50:52A letter!
00:50:53Damn it, it's in French!
00:50:55I can read it.
00:50:57It says,
00:50:58the last piece of the sword is a...
00:51:02gem!
00:51:03It's a gem.
00:51:04And it's hidden in a...
00:51:06in a mountain behind your...
00:51:10hometown.
00:51:11Fantastique!
00:51:13Really?
00:51:14Très bon.
00:51:15Yeah, that's super convenient.
00:51:16Good fucking luck, you two.
00:51:19I hope you find your destiny.
00:51:22Oh, man.
00:51:23Thanks, Lord Terence.
00:51:24See ya!
00:51:25Adios, little green man!
00:51:26Au revoir!
00:51:27Motherfuckers!
00:51:34Run!
00:51:36Don't let them get away!
00:51:37They are defiled!
00:51:38Francis, cook!
00:51:40That sword will be mine!
00:51:50And so, Red and Blue escaped from the Takagami Demon Army
00:51:55and the French police
00:51:57and took a long, convoluted map journey home
00:52:00to find the last piece of the great sword of destiny
00:52:04so Blue can get Pink a birthday present.
00:52:06Or something.
00:52:08I don't know, this movie's crazy.
00:52:10Am I in your mind?
00:52:12Or are you in mine?
00:52:20I am never taking a plane, boat, submarine, turtle, dragon,
00:52:25motorcycle, rocket, parachute, train, hand car again.
00:52:28Yeah, I mean, probably not.
00:52:36America!
00:52:38It's good to be back!
00:52:39Okay, according to LT, the gem of the sword is hidden in a mountain.
00:52:43Are there any mountains around here?
00:52:45Huh, I never noticed that before.
00:52:47What's up, boys?
00:52:49Stacy, I see two mountains right here.
00:52:52Aw, crap, not now.
00:52:54Dude, we don't have time for this.
00:52:55Well, she can wait a little bit.
00:52:57The gem hasn't gone anywhere for like a billion years.
00:53:00Pink's birthday party is starting any minute.
00:53:02I gotta get there.
00:53:03No gem, no sword.
00:53:04No sword, no present.
00:53:05No present, no Blue and Pink.
00:53:07Relax, I'll just have a drink or two.
00:53:10You never just have a drink or two.
00:53:12I promise, just a couple bottles of whatever it is in no time.
00:53:16Red, seriously, what the hell?
00:53:18We're so close.
00:53:19Don't be such a stick in the bud, dude.
00:53:21We made it home.
00:53:22It's party time, man.
00:53:24Hey, ladies!
00:53:26I don't know why I ever trusted you.
00:53:28You never follow through on anything.
00:53:29This is the most important thing that's ever happened to me and you're bailing?
00:53:35Dude, there's boobs in here.
00:53:37What am I supposed to do?
00:53:39There's boobs in here.
00:53:40What am I supposed to do?
00:53:42Be my friend.
00:53:43Sorry, bro, this train's leaving for Waste Face USA.
00:53:47Population?
00:53:48These hoes, these nuts, and this bottle of Jack.
00:53:51Get over here, girl.
00:53:52Put your face on my sack.
00:53:53Woo!
00:53:56Red!
00:54:06Dude, this party sucks.
00:54:08Eh, at least there's free beer.
00:54:12Happy birthday to me.
00:54:15Happy birthday.
00:54:16Where's Blue?
00:54:25Jesus, that raccoon's reward better be worth it.
00:54:29I don't need that jerk.
00:54:31I can do this alone.
00:54:33This is for you, Pink.
00:54:35I'm coming, baby.
00:54:37Time to get my quest on.
00:54:39Begin epic montage!
00:55:07Epic montage.
00:55:13Just an epic montage.
00:55:21Yes, an epic montage.
00:55:30It's an epic montage.
00:55:38It's an epic montage.
00:55:44Hey, what's going on?
00:55:46Oh my god!
00:55:49What the hell?
00:55:51What the hell?
00:56:06Oh my god, check this out.
00:56:09It is so cool.
00:56:11Isn't this cool?
00:56:15Oh, boss, that feels crazy.
00:56:21I suppose we should be thankful, Blue Sun.
00:56:24You led us straight to the greatest sword of destiny.
00:56:28And now, I am going to avenge every person who has died.
00:56:33Ever!
00:56:34Wait, what about all those people who died of old age?
00:56:37Them too!
00:56:41That's a stupid plan.
00:56:42Now give me back that sword.
00:56:45You're a stupid plan.
00:56:47Throw the round head into the volcano!
00:56:59A coarse knife!
00:57:01Red, what are you doing here?
00:57:03After I finished drinking all those girls and screwing all that beer,
00:57:06I decided I should come back.
00:57:08For my friend.
00:57:09I must be dead.
00:57:10Blue Sun, the Red One tells the truth.
00:57:13You have a very good friend indeed.
00:57:16You were right, man.
00:57:18For once I gotta finish what I started.
00:57:20Plus, that sword is pretty tight.
00:57:22That's what I've been saying the whole time!
00:57:24So, you're back?
00:57:26I'm back, dude.
00:57:29You, you're back?
00:57:31It is time to finish what I started 10,000 years ago.
00:57:36Are you still butthurt about that little geisha you called a wife?
00:57:40The only one who is about to be hurt is you.
00:57:46You really think you can defeat all of us?
00:57:52Didn't you know?
00:57:54I can go all night, baby.
00:57:57I'm nocturnal.
00:58:04We're in for a huge fight, aren't we?
00:58:06You know it.
00:58:07Try to take some notes.
00:58:09Yeah, right.
00:58:10I didn't play all those video games for nothing.
00:58:17New challenger appears!
00:58:19Take-oh!
00:58:20Flawless victory!
00:58:22Finish him!
00:58:23Oh my god, this is actually working!
00:58:25Yeah, dude! Keep doing it!
00:58:27Hadouken!
00:58:28Brutality!
00:58:29Animality!
00:58:31Beastianity!
00:58:32Gross!
00:58:41You can't kill me!
00:58:43You can't kill me!
00:58:44You're just a stupid raccoon!
00:58:47You need better insults!
00:59:02Father, son!
00:59:04Holy shit!
00:59:08If you ever want to fight evil,
00:59:10you must keep your elbows straight.
00:59:12Father, one day I want to go to America.
00:59:16That is not a country yet.
00:59:21You are Lord Takagami?
00:59:23Did you ever wonder why we have the same last name?
00:59:28Impossible!
00:59:40Huh?
01:00:01Father, son!
01:00:02Why did you become so evil?
01:00:05I had to avenge all the people who have died in the world.
01:00:09But by killing people,
01:00:11aren't you creating more people you need to avenge?
01:00:15Yes!
01:00:16This way, I can do this sweet job forever!
01:00:22You are evil.
01:00:26And you kept your elbows straight.
01:00:29Sayonara, father, son.
01:00:40Oh shit!
01:00:42Nature's ninja!
01:00:45Raccoon, you okay?
01:00:47I am so sad.
01:00:50But you did it, man!
01:00:52You freaking cut your dad's head off!
01:00:55It is true.
01:00:57Takagami is finally defeated.
01:01:01Yeah, that hombre is muerte.
01:01:06What is that?
01:01:10Mucho muerte.
01:01:32Follow me!
01:01:40No!
01:01:47Fuck!
01:01:48Holy shit!
01:01:50That's mucho muerte?
01:01:51That is a big ass sushi!
01:01:54Boys, your town is in grave danger.
01:01:58Oh my god, Pink!
01:02:00She's probably fine.
01:02:06Okay, we should probably get down there.
01:02:07Let's go!
01:02:08Quickly!
01:02:09There is no time to lose!
01:02:16Hey, Pink!
01:02:18Have you ever met my sister?
01:02:21Happy birthday.
01:02:23Thanks.
01:02:24I just wish Blue was here.
01:02:26Whatever, bitch.
01:02:27Boys are overrated.
01:02:30No!
01:02:36What the fuck is that?
01:02:38Wow, this party's crazy!
01:02:41My boots!
01:02:55Blue?
01:02:56What's going on?
01:02:58Sorry I'm late.
01:02:59It's a long story.
01:03:00Just like my dick.
01:03:01Really, Red?
01:03:04Mucho muerte.
01:03:06Go back from where you came.
01:03:11You can't kill Takagami that easily.
01:03:15Father, son.
01:03:17You are mucho muerte too?
01:03:20When you defeated me,
01:03:22I trapped your wife for eternity.
01:03:26Me, Otakagami, could never marry Akeisha.
01:03:31But father, son, I loved her.
01:03:35And how about a reunion?
01:03:42Boys, it's up to you now.
01:03:47No!
01:03:49No!
01:03:55No, Papa-san!
01:03:59Blue, help!
01:04:01Pink!
01:04:04Dude, the sword!
01:04:07No!
01:04:16Cornwheel, dude!
01:04:23Blue!
01:04:34Blue!
01:04:36No!
01:04:45Dude, it's slipping!
01:04:47You can't pull me up with just one arm!
01:04:49But I'll drop the sword!
01:04:51Do it, or you'll drop me!
01:04:56Sorry, dude.
01:04:57What?
01:04:59No!
01:05:02No!
01:05:06Red, did you just imagine dropping me?
01:05:09Maybe.
01:05:11I fuckin' don't.
01:05:13Red!
01:05:18Stop imagining ways to kill me and pull me up!
01:05:20Nah.
01:05:26I thought we were actually friends this time.
01:05:32We are.
01:06:02Holy shit. You okay?
01:06:04No way. You?
01:06:06Nah. Hey, man. I'm sorry I've been such an asshole.
01:06:10I've, uh, never really had a friend before.
01:06:13Really?
01:06:14Yeah.
01:06:15It's all good, man. Just stop pooping in my bed, okay?
01:06:18I never pooped in your bed. I've been pooping in your bed.
01:06:21I've never pooped in your bed.
01:06:23I've never pooped in your bed.
01:06:25I've never pooped in your bed.
01:06:27I've never pooped in your bed.
01:06:29I've never pooped in your bed.
01:06:31I've never pooped in your bed.
01:06:32I've been pooping in my sleep.
01:06:33Nah, I'm just messing with you. I poop in your bed. But I won't anymore.
01:06:38Papa-san?
01:06:43Papa-san!
01:06:44Raccoon! Is that you?
01:06:49Raccoon!
01:06:52I'm... alive?
01:06:55We thought you were super dead.
01:06:57Seriously?
01:07:00Not yet.
01:07:03Mama-san?
01:07:08Papa-san!
01:07:11I thought I lost you forever.
01:07:14No, my love. Only for 10,000 years.
01:07:18I will never lose you again.
01:07:21That's... your wife?
01:07:24Yes. I could not face my son after destroying Hapan, and I feared the sword would rust forever.
01:07:31Thanks to your bravery, it has been reconstructed and I could finally save... my wife.
01:07:38Wait, so this whole time we were actually risking our necks for you?
01:07:41We got tricked!
01:07:43I did trick you into finding the sword for me.
01:07:46But what you found for yourself was friendship.
01:07:51That's true.
01:07:52Same. Yeah, yeah.
01:07:55Pink!
01:07:56Blue!
01:07:57Pink!
01:08:00I was so worried about you! I thought you were dead!
01:08:03You know I never miss your birthday party.
01:08:05Young lovers, this sacred rotus flower has kept our love strong for 10,000 years.
01:08:12May it do the same for you.
01:08:17Nintendo.
01:08:19Blue, it's beautiful.
01:08:22I told you I'd get you something special.
01:08:26I love you.
01:08:27Huh, I love you too.
01:08:29I got a boner!
01:08:31Good one.
01:08:32Dude, aren't you glad you went on this quest?
01:08:34Yeah, man. I told you I wasn't a pussy.
01:08:36Pssh, I always knew we could pull it off.
01:08:39Really?
01:08:40Well, yeah. Cause we're awesome!
01:08:48Your brain cannot even comprehend
01:08:51So much passion and excitement
01:08:54For the sake of your carriage, I hope you wear a defense
01:08:58We learned so many things together
01:09:01Japan is weird and French people are mimes
01:09:04This film had 10 scenes of action
01:09:07And everyone together said what 21 times
01:09:10Yeah!
01:09:11Dig figures, dig figures
01:09:13You just watched a whole fucking career
01:09:17Dig figures, dig figures
01:09:19Bow before them and renounce your previous god
01:09:23Dig figures, dig figures
01:09:26Someone get a doctor, cause the movie's fucking totally sick
01:09:29You asked them, they deliver
01:09:32If you don't like dig figures, it's a hard one, figure out your own dick
01:09:36I counted 10 fucking explosions
01:09:39And jet-packed demon ninjas who fucked your face
01:09:42Your life was a hot pile of garbage
01:09:45Yeah, you're so excited that you're letting all over the place
01:09:49One of those explosions was an octopus
01:09:52Sorry for the spoiler, but it's your fault
01:09:55Then I'll teach you to listen to the soundtrack before you watch the movie
01:09:59I mean, for god's sake, who does that, you stupid piece of shit?
01:10:02Dig figures, dig figures
01:10:04Save the world, but do you think about that?
01:10:08Dig figures, dig figures
01:10:11You just watched it, it's so uneasy and bad
01:10:14Dig figures, dig figures
01:10:17Love them with all of your stupid heart, they know it's your part of the show
01:10:21You asked them, they deliver
01:10:23A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:10:27Oops, our bad
01:10:30Sorry about your junk
01:10:37Just kidding, fuck you
01:10:39DIGS
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