00:00After realizing he was too much of a pleaser,
00:02Jeff sought help from the one person
00:04who never pleased anyone at all.
00:06Lay in front of the TV, Schwartz.
00:07It's a quarter to Remington Steele.
00:09Mr. G, I'm worried I'm a pleaser.
00:11Well, you're not pleasing me right now.
00:13Everyone always wants me to do stuff for them,
00:15and I don't know how to say no.
00:16You never do anything for anyone.
00:18It's easy. Lump.
00:19As in just sit there and never move?
00:21Definitely, but also L-U-M-P.
00:24It's my secret for not doing anything for anyone.
00:26You're a lazy monster, and that's what I need.
00:28Please, let me learn it. You're idle feet.
00:30Okay, first up is L, lower expectations.
00:34It's something I've perfected over time.
00:36Dad, can you question me with these science flashcards?
00:38Ah, who am I kidding?
00:39In all my years, you've never shown interest in my education.
00:42He thinks you're a worthless dad.
00:44That took a lot of not doing.
00:46Next up is you.
00:47When there's no way out of something, underwhelm.
00:50This is how you wash a dish?
00:52Okay. No more washing dishes for you.
00:54You did a horrible job,
00:56and now she'll never ask you again.
00:58I'm the worst.
00:59Next up is M, which stands for Mumble and Moron.
01:04Hey, Dad, can you show me how to change the oil on my car?
01:06What does that even mean?
01:08Leave me alone, you moron!
01:10So brilliant.
01:12So, what's pee?
01:13It's the thing I'm most proud of.
01:15Pants.
01:16Pants?
01:17Why do you think I'd come in the house and take off my pants?
01:20I assumed it had to do with comfort and generally just giving up?
01:23Yes.
01:24But also, who's the least likely person to be asked to do anything?
01:28Oh, my God, the guy with no pants.
01:30Hey, Murph, could you give me a ride to the pharmacy?
01:33Oh, he's not even wearing pants.
01:36I'll bust it.
01:38My God, you have given me such a gift.
01:40It's my life's work.
01:42Don't waste it.
01:43Get out there and do as little as you can.
01:45I'm gonna do nothing and make you proud.
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