Dr. Fate - Hell To Pay
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Okay, okay, so, so we crossed paths a few times. So what?
00:04Listen to this tosser. How would a nobody like you even get Banshee's attention?
00:08Because I was Fate.
00:12Dr. Fate, I used to be Dr. Fate, okay?
00:14Shut up.
00:17It's true. It's not like I was the only one.
00:19There have been a lot of Fates. They're chosen by the spirit of Naboo.
00:23Oh, yeah? Why'd he choose you?
00:25Uh, why not me?
00:276% body fat, 20-inch guns.
00:29Hell, I even took a magic class once.
00:32So I was going strong at the end of this 10K when I saw it.
00:35Uh, him.
00:38And at first, I thought he was God.
00:43I just couldn't figure what religion.
00:47And Naboo wasn't much of a talker.
00:49But when I had that helmet on, it was like I didn't need to hear him at all.
00:54Like, I knew what to do.
00:57And let me tell you, I was hella hot.
01:00Superhero hot.
01:03The Banshee was sprung as soon as she laid eyes on water.
01:08I mean, come on.
01:15Sure, she played hard to get at first.
01:17But I knew that she knew what was up.
01:22Oh, she knew.
01:25Oh, yeah.
01:26She knew.
01:28Oh, my God!
01:30They did it!
01:31That was a sweet gig.
01:32I mean, Naboo hooked me up with my own place.
01:36Sometimes I'd have to fight off hell dogs and, you know, some crazy demons.
01:41But I spent most of the time just dusting his knickknacks.
01:44This dude had everything but a dead monkey.
01:46But of all the junk, the thing that Naboo cherished the absolute most was the smallest.
01:56A shiny black card.
01:59It had writing on it.
02:01Get out of hell free.
02:03Get out of hell free.
02:05It's crazy, I know.
02:07I read about it in one of Naboo's books.
02:09Supposedly, if you have this card on you, when you die, you bypass hell and you go straight to heaven.
02:16Oh, like a TSA pass.
02:18Ugh.
02:19Yeah.
02:20I know a lot of blugs would be stuck to have a card like that.
02:24Yeah, but only one person can use it.
02:27Then it's used up.
02:29All I know is that damn card screwed up my situation, but good.
02:33What do you mean?
02:35I've been there about two months.
02:37And it gets old.
02:38So, one evening, I hit this bar and I meet this redhead.
02:42And she's so hot.
02:44So I said to her, you don't know it yet, baby, but you just met your fate.
02:51Cornball, yes, but it works.
02:53Especially when I bring him back to my place, right?
02:57She had this girlfriend with her, kind of hard and quiet.
03:00Not really my type, but they were a package deal.
03:03Like, I'm going to say no to that.
03:04It started off great.
03:09But after a while, I got a little suspicious.
03:12Because the butch one hadn't joined in the fun yet.
03:15I mean, who can say no to all of this?
03:18Am I right?
03:18And I catch her?
03:20Red-handed.
03:21Boosting the freaking card.
03:23I mean, who does that?
03:24And the only thing they took...
03:29And the only thing they took was the card.
03:55Everything else was untouched.
04:01Including me.
04:03You think he cared?
04:04He didn't even give me a chance to explain.
04:13A couple days later, I called up my girlfriend, and she was freaking.
04:20She said people are looking for me.
04:21Government types.
04:22They were asking about the card, like I knew where it was.
04:25Anyway, she blocked me, so I called up my side chick.
04:28Same thing.
04:29Finally, I ran out of options.
04:32So, I changed my name, and I've been lying low ever since.
04:37Calling yourself Steel Maxim and stripping.
04:40That's lying low to you?
04:42It's called hiding in plain sight, sweetheart.
04:46Anyway, you've got to believe me.
04:47I had nothing to do with the card.
04:50I swear on my life.
04:51Okay, so who's Dr. Fag now?
04:54I heard Nabu picked some chick.