What to Do When It Feels Like Everyone Secretly Hates You
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00:00So, for most of my life, in every friendship group or group interaction I've been in,
00:04I always felt like I was the spare tire in that group.
00:07Like, I was like that invisible, like, kind of outsider guy who was just kind of like coming along
00:12just because people invited me like out of pity.
00:15Like, when I would hang out with these guys like one-on-one, you know, they'd seem really receptive,
00:20they'd seem like they liked me, you know, they'd send me memes or they'd send me videos and stuff online.
00:25But once it got to like a group setting, it felt like I was like an outsider and I didn't like fitting in.
00:31Like, for example, we'd all be in like a car in like a group setting
00:34and they would all be like talking to each other, super high energy, like, yeah, like talking back and forth or whatever.
00:40And every time I would try to contribute to the conversation, like I'd ask someone a question like,
00:44hey, what movie was that that you saw?
00:46You know, they were just kind of, sometimes they just like literally look at me.
00:49So, they heard me ask the question, but they would just ignore me.
00:51I'd keep talking to each other like high energy.
00:53It felt like I couldn't match the energy of the group or that they didn't care that I was there.
00:57I felt like they were inviting me because they felt bad for me or like, you know,
01:01they didn't like me that much.
01:02They were kind of neutral to me.
01:03Like, I always felt like, like the last thoughts to them in their mind.
01:07Like, they'd talk to me or hang out with me if they had no one else to hang out with.
01:11But if they found someone like cooler or someone they preferred,
01:13then they just like ditch me and like go with that guy.
01:15You know, in group conversations, I'd always be like,
01:18I'd often be the one who was like roasted.
01:20Like, I was the butt of all the jokes.
01:21Everyone would like roast me and make fun of me.
01:24And it felt like that was the reason they liked me because that was their value they were getting.
01:28Like, no one ever like gave me appreciation or love and made it clear that they liked me to be there.
01:33So, it was unclear in my mind whether these guys hated me or loved me or if I was just like there out of pity.
01:39And I would often like feel bad hanging out with people because I felt like I was like providing negative value to the group.
01:44Like, if someone was like, hey bro, come along to this group event we've got later on.
01:49I'd be like, oh man, I don't want to intrude, you know.
01:52Because I didn't want those people who didn't know I was coming to like be like, oh shit, it's this guy again, you know.
01:57So, I didn't know whether these guys liked me or not.
02:00And here's some realizations I had about this situation, bro.
02:04Here's a harsh truth about friendship.
02:07Friendship is basically about an exchange of value.
02:09You're not going to hang out with someone, you're not going to be friends with them if they don't add value somehow to your life.
02:15And someone's not going to hang out with you or be friends with you if you don't somehow add value to their life, right.
02:21So, chances are these guys don't hate you.
02:24Because if they hated you, you would provide negative value to their life.
02:30You'd somehow make their life worse, right.
02:32So, if you're making their life worse, they're not going to invite you to stuff.
02:35They're not going to like make you included even a tiny bit.
02:39So, chances are these guys don't hate you, bro.
02:41So, chances are these guys are just like they see you as like kind of neutral.
02:46Or you provide a tiny bit of value to them in their life.
02:49Like you're someone for them to hang out with if they're lonely.
02:53You know, you make them feel company when they're alone.
02:57Or you're like someone to kind of talk to and have fun with.
03:00Or you like you make the group bigger.
03:02That's why they like you to be there.
03:03So, you provide a tiny bit of value in their life.
03:06But it's not like negative value, bro.
03:08So, they don't hate you.
03:09Because here's the thing, bro.
03:11You haven't given them a chance to love you or hate you.
03:13Let me explain.
03:15So, you probably haven't even shown them the true you.
03:18So, how do you interact with these guys?
03:20And how do you interact with like your close friends?
03:22And how do you interact like on your own?
03:25Chances are how you interact on your own and with your close friends
03:28It's very different to how you hang out with these guys
03:30who you are unsure whether they like you or not, right.
03:33So, you're not actually showing your real self to these people.
03:37Your real personality.
03:39Your authentic like weird parts of your personality or your interests.
03:43Or, you know, your true beliefs and opinions.
03:46You're kind of like playing a role to win their approval.
03:50And like so they include you into the group.
03:52And so you feel approved by them, right.
03:55Because here's the thing, authenticity, showing your true self, it's polarizing.
04:02So, what that means is if you show your authentic true self to someone,
04:06they're either going to love you and think,
04:09damn, this guy is sick, like I vibe with him so well,
04:12like I love his authentic true self.
04:14Or they're going to hate you.
04:16They're going to think like, man, this guy is like weird.
04:18I don't get along with him at all.
04:20You know, he's so different from me.
04:21And that's why you're afraid to show your true self and put yourself out there.
04:25Because you're afraid they're going to see the true you and they're going to hate you.
04:29And you're going to feel like an outcast, like they've pushed you away.
04:34Because like you've got this voice in your head that's like telling you like,
04:37no, don't behave like this with these people.
04:39Don't show this part of you to these guys.
04:41Because they might hate it and you'll be like, you'll be rejected, right.
04:46Like I used to do this thing where like,
04:48I used to have like different personalities with different friend groups.
04:52Like, oh, okay.
04:53With friendship group A, I've got personality A.
04:55And with friendship group B, I've got personality B.
04:58And I'd be like, oh, shit, I accidentally used personality B with friendship group A.
05:03You know, I'd be like playing different roles with these different friendship groups.
05:06And so if you're doing that, you're trying to play a role to get them to approve of you.
05:10Then they don't have the opportunity.
05:13You don't have the opportunity to polarize them
05:15to the point where they hate you or they love you.
05:18So, bro, like you're trying to win their approval.
05:20You're trying to impress them because you care about their opinion more of you.
05:25Care about their opinion of you more than you care about your opinion of yourself.
05:29Or you're afraid to be like outcast and lonely.
05:31But here's the thing, bro.
05:33I think you shouldn't be asking the question.
05:35Do they like me or do they hate me?
05:37I think that's the wrong question to ask.
05:39I think the right question to ask is do I love them or do I hate them?
05:45Because, bro, you probably don't even like these motherfuckers.
05:50Like these guys who you're trying to impress and you're wondering if they love you or hate you.
05:53You probably don't even like them.
05:55That's why you feel the need that you have to be someone else to get their approval.
06:00Like you want to be yourself but you think that's going to be rejected by them.
06:04So, you don't even like these guys.
06:05They're not compatible with you, bro.
06:07Think about like your true friends or someone who would be a true friend.
06:12It would be someone who you could be 100% yourself with and they'd love you.
06:16They'd care about you.
06:17They'd like love the true you.
06:18Like when I think back, most guys were like this neutral.
06:22Like, you know, I wasn't sure if they liked me or hated me.
06:25I thought they were like just being pity or whatever.
06:27But there was like one or two guys in high school who like I knew they liked me.
06:32I knew they liked my personality and I could like be more of myself around them.
06:36Those are the guys you should be focusing on.
06:38Those guys you genuinely love.
06:40Like in high school, I interacted with like hundreds of people, right?
06:44And Honestly, maybe like one, maybe two guys I felt like I genuinely liked
06:51and genuinely like vibed with on a deep level.
06:56And we liked each other's authentic selves.
06:59Those are the guys you should worry about.
07:01Like I'm not saying don't hang out with those other guys who you don't really like.
07:06Like you can hang out with them if you want, you know, it could be fun.
07:08Like especially in high school, you might not have much of a choice, right?
07:11So yeah, hang out with those guys if you want.
07:14But like stop caring about their opinion and stop trying to impress them.
07:17Stop putting their opinion of you over your opinion of yourself
07:20because it's slowly destroying your confidence.
07:24You know, have fun with them, hang out with them.
07:25But what do they think of you, who cares, bro?
07:29Now, I'm not saying like being extreme.
07:30I'm not saying like being a dickhead and just like putting yourself out there and like being extreme, you know.
07:35Like be civil with them, obviously.
07:38But like you've got nothing to prove to these guys.
07:41Like this is how I navigate friendships now.
07:45If there's a guy who I really like and I want to see if we're compatible and I want to like try to get closer to them.
07:50Those are the guys who I will open up with and try to show my authentic self.
07:54But everyone else, I'll just be civil to them.
07:57I'll just be like, you know, I won't put too much out there if I think we're not going to be compatible.
08:02Like for example, I don't play video games anymore, bro, right?
08:05So if I meet someone and they're like, hey, bro, like come play video games with me this weekend or whatever.
08:11I'm not going to be like, oh, no, bro.
08:12Video games are so bad.
08:14Like it's destroying your mind, bro.
08:15Don't do that stuff.
08:17No, I won't be like that.
08:18I'll just be like, nah, bro.
08:19Like I'm not that into gaming, you know.
08:21So I won't like I'm not going to be extreme and like preaching to people and lecturing to people and like telling them how to live their lives.
08:28But I'm going to be civil, you know, I'm going to try to have fun, maybe try to make them feel good, like, you know, give them appreciation or whatever.
08:36And just focus on like just like dropping any kind of judgments or opinions they have of me.
08:42Because here's a brutal reality that I learned recently, bro.
08:46We're not meant to get along with everyone.
08:48It's just a fact.
08:49Like we're not meant to get along with everyone.
08:51I used to have this fantasy like, oh, bro, if my social skills got so good, if I got really confident, then I'd be able to be best friends with anyone.
08:59But I realized that we're just not meant to get along with everyone, bro.
09:02Like we've got different values.
09:04We've got different things we want in life.
09:07We're meant to use our authenticity, use our true self to find those guys who we genuinely get along with and build a tribe out of those people.
09:17That's why with this YouTube channel, I don't hold myself back.
09:20Like I could be like, I could give safe opinions, be a safe personality, like, hey, guys, welcome back to my channel.
09:26You know, everyone's amazing.
09:28You know, I could like put like a safe personality and more people would like me.
09:31Yes.
09:32But I want to get those guys to follow me on my channel who genuinely love who I am and like resonate with my message.
09:40I don't want like people who are neutral to me.
09:42You know, I want this channel to be like my tribe of guys who like to resonate with my message.
09:47So I'm not, I'm trying to be as authentic as possible in this channel.
09:51And that's how I want to navigate my real life as well.
09:54And join me in helping you, bro, to become the best you can be.
09:57And join me on my journey and on my tribe, bro.
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10:04Like, let me know what you think, bro.
10:05All right.
10:06See you in the next one, bro.
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