- 5/9/2025
Letterkenny Season 9 Episode 6 Breastaurant
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00You're having a puppers with your pals the other day.
00:09Too much Instagrams to make your eyes go square, Darius.
00:12I'm working here.
00:13Oh, Darius like a blister.
00:15He only shows up when the work's all done.
00:17It's not Instagram.
00:18I'm flipping through Twitter.
00:20Well, less doing tweets, more pulling teats, bud.
00:23Speaking of teats,
00:24I've heard about this Twitter account called Gay Hooters.
00:30Gay Hooters?
00:34Gay Hooters.
00:35But Gay Hooters.
00:39Well, that's what I said.
00:40I said Gay Hooters.
00:41Is that right?
00:44I guess I'm just sort of wondering what Gay Hooters would be all about.
00:47Well, if I was to make an educated guesstimation,
00:51I'd have to say it's like the controversial yet famous American restaurant franchise Hooters,
00:57except for gay guys.
00:58So, it's like a Hooters,
01:01but marketed to gay men aged 18 to 35.
01:05Oi, howdies.
01:06I guess I've just got a few more questions, though.
01:08All you're handy is a shirt pocket, bud.
01:11Well, all I'm wondering is, like,
01:13what do a group of gay men have to enjoy about Hooters?
01:18He's talking the restaurants for the body parts.
01:21Here we go now.
01:22Well, no, I'm just thinking it sounds a little bit queer.
01:25Easy, Tiger.
01:26That you would have to sell the gay community on Hooters.
01:30Sell?
01:31Sold?
01:33Gay dudes love tits.
01:35Is that right?
01:36Most of us, yeah.
01:37Well, to be fairs.
01:39To be fair.
01:40To be fair.
01:41To be fair.
01:43To be fair.
01:45It's hard to imagine anyone not liking them,
01:47no matter which ways you pull into sexual compass.
01:49So you guys love tits as much as you love dinks?
01:54Fuck no.
01:55We're straight guy gay.
01:56Strictly guy gay for clarification.
01:59Getting good and getting guy gash.
02:01Smashing silly ass.
02:02Getting kinky with the dinky.
02:03Getting stinky with the dinky.
02:05In sync with dink.
02:07Is that right?
02:09But you also love tits.
02:10What's not to love?
02:11Yeah, lots of gay dudes secretly love tits.
02:14Big, bouncy, fun-loving, party-time tits.
02:18Big, old, buoyant, jubbly, sloppy, egg-yoke-knocks.
02:22I'm gonna bounce those snake-eyed, humpty-thumpings over here, honey.
02:25Let's have a good one.
02:26Talking bobsy twin baby-thumpers, rubber-baby buggy-bumpers.
02:30Is that right?
02:32Yeah, I think I have an idea.
02:34Well, you might as well get some all-outs on the table.
02:37What if, okay, what if, the food was also gay?
02:44Oh, I got Professor Trish on speed dial ready for this hot takes.
02:47No, no, I hear him out.
02:49Okay, so the chickens that you get the chicken wings from, what if they were also gay chickens?
02:55Boy, chickens called a cock.
02:57So what your suggestions is, is that gay Hooters is a place for men to go eat gay cocks.
03:03In?
03:04Free-range chickens is hard enough to breed.
03:06Yeah, so it would be a Hooters restaurant marketed to gay men aged 18 to 35, where they could go and enjoy some fried food, but also some eye-level eye candy.
03:18I'd rather have a dog's eye view.
03:20Dog's eye view of Dink.
03:21Dink's eye view.
03:22Dink in the eye.
03:23In sync with Dink.
03:28Was that right?
03:29Did you hear Sir Bills closed?
03:42Oh, bother.
03:45Well, there's nothing worse than a mom-and-pop shop going under in a small town.
03:49Why'd they bust?
03:51Sir Bills was the best prefixed.
03:52Attaboy.
03:53In letter, Kenny.
03:54Until Modine started serving brunch.
03:57Now nobody goes to Sir Bills.
03:58I heard some talk that they was lights paying their merchants.
04:01Well, late payment's the first sign you're going tits up.
04:04See, I always thought that Modines and Sir Bills should combine.
04:07Breakfast spot by day, bang-ups spot by night.
04:10Woulda, shoulda, coulda.
04:12Your fists and butts were candies and nuts.
04:14I'm not sure if you're competition in a small town.
04:17You need customer loyalty.
04:19Loyalty, eh?
04:20I said it wrong, didn't I?
04:22Loyalty is two things.
04:23Number A, a crucial practice in any relationship.
04:27And number B, a fucking dying art.
04:30Well, Gail's going to need our loyalty.
04:32Because I heard there is one of those big city chain restaurants moving in.
04:36Oh!
04:38Harvey's?
04:39Nope.
04:40Dock's Howbell's?
04:42Nope.
04:42Saint-Hubert?
04:44Nope.
04:45It's one of those places that's always on about their casual fine dining.
04:49Ew.
04:50It's one of those places that focuses on upscale comfort food.
04:55Ew.
04:56One of those places that's always on about their gastro fair.
05:00Ew.
05:01Although there are, um, there are, um, perks to those sorts of places.
05:09Some might say, the perkiest.
05:17It's where's you go if you like some perkies.
05:20User D-gens.
05:21For restaurants.
05:23Ew!
05:24One of those places where you're not paying for the G&T, you're paying for the T&A.
05:29Short skirts full bras can't lose.
05:31That's their motto.
05:32Grow up.
05:32With all due respect, Ms. Cadys, Professor Trisha says it's perfectly ethical for women to be as sexual as they want, including wearing clothes, what makes them feel powerful.
05:42No, it's not the women who work there that I have a problem with.
05:45They can get theirs, and I'm here for it.
05:47It's the leering men that really chat my ass.
05:52The male gaze.
05:54Male gaze?
05:55You mean like Dax and Ron?
05:56Fuck you, Ron.
05:57Fucking fire, eh?
05:59I've got more time for clogged toilets.
06:00Where are you going?
06:01To be a loyal customer.
06:05You just want to go be loyal customers?
06:07I'd be a loyal customer.
06:08I'm surprised with not being loyal customers right now.
06:12To Modines.
06:21Sir, have you heard this new Neapolitan funk compilation?
06:24Sir, have you heard this new Neapolitan funk compilation?
06:31You phonographic philistine.
06:35Neapolitan funk was yesteryear's genre.
06:40You know very well that I am fully immersed in the Nigerian neurofolk movement.
06:46But I thought that you said Neapolitan funk was the sound of the revolution because it blended in perfectly with your baile funk collection.
06:53You're thinking baggy trance?
06:55And by Afro Psycho Billy Rolled.
06:57Is baggy trance the one that's heavily influenced by mid-century word jazz?
07:02And the Hungarian underground top 40?
07:05I'm going to pretend you didn't even say that.
07:11But you can't be mad at me for not being up on your weapons as of late.
07:16I mean, you haven't DJ'd a gig in what feels like years.
07:18I'm fully aware of my dry spell rolled.
07:31However, I plan to be the pole holding up the circus tent at Letterkenny's latest venue.
07:40The restaurant.
07:41I love tits.
07:43Just imagine all of the groundbreaking styles I can literally bring to the tables of the masticating masses beyond the standard land restaurantica.
07:54You are ten times the player selector of any restaurant DJ.
07:59I mean, half of them think it's still 2005 and playing mashups.
08:06Mashups are a cardinal sin in the DJ realm.
08:09I have no time for MP3s titled Fleetwood Macklemore.
08:15Or Rolling Stone Roses.
08:17Meredith Brooks and Dunn.
08:19Barry White Zombie.
08:21James Taylor Swift.
08:23Casey and the Sunshine Band of Horses.
08:25Olivia Newton John Mayer.
08:26Rage Against the Miami Sound Machine.
08:28Rage Against Florence and the Machine.
08:33Fugazi Osborn.
08:34Shadowy men on a shadowy phantom planet.
08:36Eye Mother Earth, Wind and Fire.
08:3730 Seconds to Bruno Mars.
08:40Clap your hands.
08:40Say yeah, yeah, yes.
08:42Bustily Ann Rimes.
08:43Faith Hill and no more.
08:45George Michael Buble.
08:47Seven Mary Threela.
08:48The Pointer Sisters of Mercy.
08:50Slick Rick Ross.
08:52Simply Red Hot Chili Peppers.
08:55To the restaurant.
08:56I love tits.
09:00It's a decent sand, though, buddy.
09:02Alvo ends are decent, bro.
09:04Yeah, well, these two and squat speed, man.
09:06Anything's better than squat Weiland's.
09:08Squatty Bowman's.
09:09Harry Squatter.
09:10Squat Stevens.
09:11You hear about that restaurant opening, buddy?
09:13Oh, there's gonna be some top-line snipes working there, buddy.
09:16Top six for sure, buddy.
09:18You know what I'm secretly even more excited for, though, buddy?
09:21What's that, bro?
09:22Big City Sandoz.
09:24Top Chattery.
09:25Top Swifts.
09:26You know what they call Arugula in England, buddy?
09:28Rocket!
09:29Not you, but you are a rocket.
09:31NASA certified.
09:33Look at that Big City Bread.
09:35Oh, gotta celebrate the biscuit, buddy.
09:37Gotta worship the fuck God.
09:39The shrine to all 12 seeds and grains.
09:42Sauce me a pass, bro.
09:43Pass me a sauce, buddy.
09:44A little sriracha aioli.
09:46A little truffle reduction.
09:47A little pastel mayo.
09:49A little curry ketchup.
09:50A little spicy brown habanero dill mustard.
09:53Fuck!
09:54A little peri-peri wasabi horseradish.
09:56Fuck!
09:57Fuck!
10:04Magic!
10:07Gil, how are you now?
10:09Good, and you?
10:09What not, sir?
10:10Kate, don't love how quiet it is in here.
10:14Well, maybe you haven't heard.
10:15Letter Kenny has welcomed a restaurant to town.
10:18Yeah?
10:19That, uh, restaurant?
10:21It's about as welcome as an outhouse breeze.
10:24You've got loyal customers for life in us.
10:26You know that, right?
10:28Yeah, but those citiets poached my best server.
10:31Aw, Bonnie McMurray!
10:35I'm still working here, but I'm working a double today.
10:39In two places.
10:41Judas?
10:41We've all got to make our paper, and I'm not surprised they poached me.
10:45I have more savoir-faire than anyone in town.
10:48Savoir-faire.
10:49Savoir-faire.
10:50Savoir-faire.
10:51You're double-faire.
10:52Does you really want to work to the place like that that's going to exploit you as those
10:55bodies?
10:56Can't exploit me if I volunteer, bud.
10:58Tips.
10:59You really want guys leering at you all night long while you're trying to do work?
11:03How is that any different than being around you two?
11:06Or how Gail exploits Wayne around here?
11:08What Wayne and I have is a sacred bond between bartender and customer.
11:14And sometimes, my weighted body pillow.
11:19Come on.
11:20I've heard those places takes part in bad business practices.
11:24Likes to avoid paying severances, they'll just keep giving you bad shifts until you quits
11:28rather than fires you.
11:30I'd never fry anyone for anything I wouldn't do.
11:32Some brunette uptown just tried to recruit me to work at the restaurant.
11:36For what reason?
11:38I'll give you two.
11:40Fair.
11:41Gotta go.
11:44I don't leer.
11:45Buddy, you're a king leer.
11:46You're leerous folk.
11:47You're leer and present danger.
11:49Nothing to leers but leers itself.
11:51Leers for fears.
11:53I don't leer.
11:54Leer down, big rig.
12:01Behold!
12:02Your new lounge leader of late night happy hour.
12:07It's happy hour.
12:08Mia.
12:10Sophia?
12:12Low rent, Gerard Way.
12:13You manage the restaurant?
12:16That term is offensive, you queerbait.
12:19I'm just gonna let that one hang in the air for a minute.
12:23You, you, uh...
12:25You just look pretty high.
12:28You've been, uh, working out?
12:30Actually, I...
12:31Just kidding, I don't give a fuck.
12:36You have just fallen backwards into catching the luckiest of breaks.
12:41I have arrived to grace your establishment with my Ibiza-level talents on the ones and twos.
12:47The hiring process is over, and that's not how you pronounce Ibiza.
12:51You shouldn't have beefed us so lucky to have Stuart dropped waxed science upon the patrons of your straight hooters.
12:59Fine.
13:00Resume.
13:07Never have I once been asked for my credentials.
13:11The nerve of acquiring a paper defense of my title is...
13:16Best DJ in Letterkenny.
13:18Kenny, Kenny, Kenny.
13:20Letterkenny is minor league, bud.
13:21You're up against city talent here.
13:23Do you have a SoundCloud at least?
13:26We only post our mixes on...
13:29The Darwin.
13:30Mm-hmm.
13:31Beated chemical sisters.
13:33Let's...
13:35Your problematic language is going to show up in my Yelp review.
13:44Buddy, I know we've already expressed our mutual excitement for the big city sandals.
13:49However, I fear we'd be remiss if we forgot to circle back on the...
13:53Slams?
13:54The big city slams.
13:55You know what I'm, like, secretly most excited for?
13:58What's that, buddy?
14:00The toilets.
14:01Oh, first-class shitters, bro.
14:03Floor to ceiling doors on the stalls.
14:06Sports page above the pissers.
14:07Exotic but flush buttons.
14:10You know what I love doing at those pissers?
14:12I bet I know.
14:14I love a game where you try and melt all the ice in the yurdle with your pee.
14:22FURTA! FURTA!
14:24Still, though, there's going to be some talent there tonight.
14:26Great place to net a few.
14:28You ever wield in a chain restaurant, buddy?
14:29Buddy, I've never not wielded a restaurant.
14:32I wield a hostess before my seating page engine went off.
14:35I wield a double-shifting server post-Zoo sticks with extra dip.
14:39I wield a manager while she was rolling her loonies for her cash-out.
14:43I diddled in a golden griddle.
14:45I wield a Kelsey at a Kelsey's.
14:47I wield a Casey at a Casey's.
14:48I fuck Bubba Gump at Bubba Gump's.
14:53Flagship store.
14:54Bought on my first top at IHOP.
14:55Gobbled cock at Manchu Walk.
14:57Straight up to Puglius at Orange Julius.
14:59You know how fuck guys at Popeye's?
15:01Ripped a double choco at El Pollo Loco.
15:03Raging bone at Coldstone.
15:05Took it in the back at Shake Shack.
15:07Ever sucked Willie's at Chili's?
15:08Funny I've had five guys with a side of fries.
15:11And see these thighs?
15:13Don't tell no lies.
15:14Have you guys ever heard of gay hooters?
15:19Getting a wee bit nervous about tonight's crowd.
15:23But they're in one.
15:25No fucking rights.
15:26You're on fire, right?
15:27I can't even understand the appeal of opening a chain restaurant in Letterkenny.
15:32Maybe you should adjust, cousin.
15:35Doing anything special beside Wing Wednesdays?
15:38Thirsty Thursday.
15:39Get so drunk on Saturdays that I free pour.
15:42That counts.
15:43Nah, these are the types of places that have nights like Frosé Friday.
15:48Oh, I love Frosé beverages.
15:50I'll tell you what.
15:52They rock a matzo stick Monday.
15:55You rock a deep fried mushroom Monday.
15:58Fuckin' A.
15:59You already do Thirsty Thursdays.
16:00That's three nights right there.
16:02I do what I do!
16:04My customers are loyal or they're not.
16:06Hey, Gail, you know what I'm glad that you never do?
16:08What?
16:09On top of not asking customers, what are your big plans for the night while you're waiting for them to pay the bill worst?
16:15Sometimes I'm excited to share.
16:18You never say...
16:20There you go.
16:22You never say...
16:24How are the first few bites tasting?
16:28Holy fuck.
16:29Ugh.
16:30Like, holy fuck.
16:31Ugh.
16:32Except for maybe it's not tasting for the...
16:35I don't know what.
16:36There's something real pervy about that word taste.
16:41McMurray pervy, as I recall.
16:43Who could forget?
16:44It's just a word.
16:46You think?
16:46You don't think it sounds a little bit pervy at all to say...
16:51And how are the first few bites tasting?
16:55Hey.
16:56Hi.
16:57Everything tasting to your liking?
16:59I see you've had a taste.
17:01How was it?
17:03Couple bites there.
17:04How's it taste?
17:05Taste good.
17:07Oh, yeah.
17:08You like how it tastes?
17:10Check, please.
17:11Sure thing.
17:12What are your big plans for the night?
17:16Sasha and Dickweed.
17:24Name me one other purveyor of the black wax
17:27who has such a glorious display of 12 inches.
17:31The Phantom's Revenge.
17:33I think 12 inches is giving yourself a bit too much credit.
17:37Mmm.
17:38No.
17:39No, it's actually...
17:40I wasn't talking too far, Boy Slim.
17:42You are bitchier than I remember.
17:44And you're uglier.
17:45Just lay your eyes upon this glorious crate.
17:51They are all rare white-label bootlegs.
17:55We have the Two-Step Garage remix of Melissa Etheridge.
17:59Bobby McFerrin live at Budokan.
18:02Skrillex early acoustic demo.
18:03There's a recording of Daft Punk literally playing at James Murphy's house.
18:07Chicago covering Boston.
18:08Boston covering Toronto.
18:10Toronto covering Chicago.
18:11Stop.
18:12Fuck.
18:13You guys sound like a game of meth head cards against humanity.
18:16Impressed?
18:17I wasn't even listening, but I noticed you have a case of vinyls.
18:20Ugh.
18:21Oh.
18:22The plural of vinyl is vinyl.
18:26It's not Lego.
18:29Whatever.
18:29We don't have turntables here.
18:30This isn't 1982.
18:32You...
18:32You don't have turntables?
18:35Uh, what do your DJs use?
18:38I don't know.
18:38One I hired brings in the circle contraption.
18:41The other just plays YouTube clips off her phone.
18:44Blasphemy.
18:45Heresy.
18:45I also checked out your online presence.
18:48You have none.
18:49Mm-hmm.
18:49But, um, did you check the...
18:51Talk quiet.
18:52Listen, there are two types of DJs you hire in this business.
18:55Those who suck but bring people down, and those who don't suck and don't bring people down
18:59but keep people here.
19:01If you have big tits and experience DJing in the city, even better.
19:05Love that big city titty.
19:07What about itty-bitty city titty?
19:09Pretty shitty.
19:10Give me one.
19:12Good reason you won't hire.
19:14I've given several, but let's recap.
19:17Big picture, you don't have followers, you don't have tits, and you probably don't even
19:21do mash-ups.
19:22Oh!
19:23I knew it.
19:24I knew it.
19:26I knew it.
19:26I knew it.
19:27Probably looking for a little NXS Club 7.
19:31Talk to me when you got some post Maloney Island.
19:34A little Blink-182 chains.
19:37Come back when you've got some KRS One Direction.
19:39Maybe a little Stone Temple 21 Pilots.
19:4321 Savage Garden.
19:45George Michael Bolton.
19:47Less talk, more Cat Power Stevens.
19:49A little Wayne Newton.
19:50Healthy Notes, bitch.
19:52Cardi Beastie Boys.
19:53Cardi B-52s.
19:55Alice in Chain Smokers.
19:58Fall Out Boy George.
19:59The Jackson 5 Seconds of Summer.
20:02Cardi Beatles.
20:03AHHHHH!
20:08Fuck it, it's George.
20:13Oh boy.
20:16You ever Hoovered Schneef in a restaurant?
20:18I've Hoovered Schneef at a Subway Sandwiches, cutting it up with a fully stocked rewards
20:22cards.
20:23I've Hoovered Schneef and gone back for a Fountain Pop refill.
20:26I've Hoovered Schneefs off the middle buns of my Bigs Max.
20:28I've Hoovered Schneefs off of a billfold before paying my tab.
20:32I've Hoovered Schneefs off of the Baby Chain Station in a handicapped stall at an Eastside
20:36Mario's and the Tobaccocs.
20:38I've Hoovered Gluten-Free Schneef.
20:39I've Hoovered Ocean Wise Schneef.
20:41I've Hoovered Schneef at a Cactus Club in Saskatoon and heard a fella in the next stall
20:45say,
20:46Hey, get it in ya.
20:47Fuckin' T-Gens.
20:49Gaylor, do lots of people Hoover's Schneef in here?
20:52I pour lamp oil on the tops of the toilet tanks for every shift.
20:56If anyone dumps Schneef on it, it dissolves instantly.
21:00Do you really?
21:01She does.
21:02I'm the only one who's gonna get you fucked up in here.
21:06You being the key word.
21:07Cause there ain't no one else to serve.
21:10Cause my customers are as loyal as Sir Bills.
21:13Hey Gaylor.
21:14Is the kitchen still open?
21:20The door is.
21:21The kitchen is.
21:23Easton and Weston.
21:25I thought for sure you'd be marching up skirt at the new place.
21:28We were, but we looked at their menu and their sandoz are $26.
21:32Then share.
21:33Said no sharing on the menu.
21:35God, listen motherfuckers.
21:44But I'm Gail.
21:46Don't call me a madam.
21:47I don't run a brothel.
21:49Yet.
21:51Sex.
21:52Sex.
21:53We brought you and your patrons the finest of worldly song smith selections.
22:00What patrons?
22:01May we put them on in a chosen sequence anyway?
22:10Sure.
22:12Oh!
22:14Bonnie McMurray!
22:16What did you do, chicky poo?
22:18They cut me.
22:19Bit of a disaster over there, actually.
22:21They weren't prepared for the crowd.
22:23Yeah, see, they're making fools of themselves over there, Gaylor.
22:26So, everybody's leaving?
22:28You heard it here first.
22:31What the...
22:42Guess I'm working a triple.
22:47Arriba!
22:48Arriba!
22:49Arriba!
22:54Tell me what you like.
22:57Tell me what you order.
22:59Met a freak about to bring her back to Georgia.
23:02Get her past the border.
23:04Might go down the floor to order California.
23:07Smell in my aroma.
23:08Niggas acting like they're really certified.
23:11What?
23:11Show me your diploma.
23:13These are gonna.
23:14Came from the city where they tote their hammers.
23:17It ain't for the money, shit's so bananas
23:19Can I pick with the flow, better hold the canvas
23:21Hit your girl from the back, make her hold the candles
23:24It's lit, hold the candles
23:26Whole neck shine like solar panels
23:28Must see TV, I control the channel
23:31I'm about to make a film, better hold the camera like whoa
23:34Pulled up with the whole gang, everybody on goal
23:39Spriggle my cheddar on the chips, my wallet and I chose
23:44The girl around me, sorry, that mean that you lost me
23:49I ain't money dancing to the bank, my ain't money to the salsa
23:53It dancing, it dance, whoa, whoa
23:56It dancing, it dancing, it dance, it dancing, it dance
24:00Whoa, whoa, it dancing, it dancing, don't stop
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