- 9 months ago
Letterkenny Season 9 Episode 3 Scorched Earth
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00:00You
00:05Your pal ran into your old flame the other day
00:09Who? Angie? Oh, yeah. Oh, she's acting different. How's what she happens difference?
00:15I don't think you want to know how she's acting different wait
00:22Now was she acting different like I think she was acting different
00:26She was acting different exactly like you think she was acting different
00:29Oh, cripes. So she was acting different just like
00:33She's acting different like somebody who's gone traveling for the first time and then come home and is acting different
00:42Is there anything worse? Stillborn puppies and nothing else. This might be the worst case I've ever seen
00:50So she's speaking with a bit of an accent then, Derry. She came on speaking with a wee bit of an accent then
00:57How's it now? Not every statement ends like it's a question
01:00And Derry everything she says is like is a fucking question
01:04And I know
01:06Do you know what I mean? She's using words like cheeky and bugger
01:09Why you cheeky bugger then Derry?
01:12Oi Derry you cheeky bugger. I haven't seen you in a bloody minute. Have I?
01:16Haven't I? Has she gone mad?
01:18Is she naked? Do you know what I mean?
01:20Do you know what I mean?
01:21So she's saying things to you like cheers, ring me, yeah?
01:24No, she did not say ring you
01:27Do you know what I mean?
01:28Are you...
01:29Bothered?
01:30I'm not bothered
01:31Aren't you?
01:32Yeah, no
01:32Do you?
01:33Now I
01:33Do we?
01:34Do you know what I mean?
01:34So she watches TV on the telly then, yeah?
01:37Yeah
01:38And her apartment is now referred to as her flat, yeah?
01:41And instead of waiting in line, she's waiting in the queue now, yeah?
01:45She's waiting in the queue for the tube now, yeah?
01:48She's waiting in the queue for the pub now, yeah?
01:51Waiting in the queue at the pub for a pint then, yeah?
01:55Do you know what I mean?
01:56Now has she done Ibiza?
01:59Yeah Derry, has she done Ibiza?
02:01Oi Bifa
02:02Has she done Bartheluna?
02:04Yeah Derry, has she done Bartharona?
02:07Bartheluna?
02:08Bartheluna
02:10Do you know what I mean?
02:11Has she done Budapest?
02:13Yeah Derry, has she done Shankar?
02:15Is she shrunken?
02:17Has she done Melbourne?
02:19Not Melbourne, because it's pronounced Melbourne
02:23Melbourne
02:23Do you know what I mean?
02:24And she only watches foreign features now, yeah?
02:27It's like did she stay off a beaten path or did she go to where it's touristy, right?
02:33Because you don't want to go to where it's too touristy, do you know what I mean?
02:37All she's done is hostels and backpacks and kiwis
02:41The BBC
02:43It was like she photographed in like a cage with like a sedated tiger, innit?
02:48I've written a bloody travel blog, haven't I?
02:52For BBC Three
02:54And it's like does she get a little schlog, get a little fix if she's a little fat, innit?
02:59It's like there is comedy and then there is British comedy, you fucking bellend!
03:04It's like them Yanks sew the Canadian flags up on their backpacks, what when they go backpacking
03:10because you know everyone loves them Canadians, yeah?
03:13I've unrolled me cigarettes, haven't I?
03:17Pull your finger out of your ass!
03:19Fall night, soul out of your ass!
03:21Fall night!
03:22Fall night!
03:23Fall night!
03:24Fall night!
03:25Fall night!
03:25Fall night!
03:26I've been there, done, I've messed around
03:49I'm having fun, don't put me down
03:51I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
03:55I won't let you in again
03:58The messages I've tried to send
04:01My information's just not going in
04:04Burning bridges shore to shore
04:08I'll break away from something more
04:10I'm not turned out to love until it's cheap
04:13Been there, done, I've messed around
04:17I'm having fun, don't put me down
04:19I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
04:23This time, baby, I'll be burning proof
04:35This time, baby, I'll be burning proof
04:44This time, baby, I'll be burning proof
04:53This time, baby, I'll be burning proof
05:03This time, baby, I'll be burning proof
05:05This time, baby, I'll be burning proof
05:10How are you now?
05:13Good, and you?
05:14That's bad
05:14Where was you?
05:15Going scorched earth, boys
05:17Had me a date
05:18Well, how'd it go get you, kid?
05:19Almost not worth talking about
05:21So wing, better, better
05:23And the old boy strikes him
05:24And the side retires
05:26More like stunk out
05:28Is that what you did?
05:29The dude was...ripe
05:31Is that what he was?
05:33Bit spicy
05:33Like an odor
05:35A smell
05:36Yeah
05:37Type of dude who smells like he wants to be left alone, eh?
05:41Well, how bad?
05:42You know, shmellies
05:43Can I confirm?
05:44Take that
05:44Okay
05:45Now double it
05:46So you skedaddled?
05:47Well, if you smell gamey, you ain't gonna lay me
05:50Well...
05:51If you wanna hit a base, at least air out the place
05:53Fair
05:54Not fair
05:55What if?
05:58Like me
05:59Smells are something of an occupational hazard
06:03And that's nothing to feel ashamed about, dairies
06:06Some smells just stick
06:07Well, if you're married to your fucking barn clothes, yeah
06:10I made a commitment to date local
06:12And I expected a few coarse edges
06:14But still, wash
06:16You gotta wash
06:17You gotta walla walla Washington
06:19You gotta George Washington
06:20Well, you gotta George Washington carver
06:23Carver?
06:24Hardly knew her
06:24Yeah, that dude didn't wash
06:26First date, too
06:28A first impression's a lasting one
06:30Well, to be fair
06:32So well
06:32Newbie, though
06:33To be fair
06:34To be fair
06:35Another way of looking at the situation is that perhaps the stress of it being a first
06:39date is precisely what caused that unfortunate surromus
06:42Yeah, the nervous sweats
06:43You two are soft on crime
06:45It happens
06:46It always happens
06:48Have you met devil's advocate, Dan?
06:50Okay, well, the nervous sweats are better than the meat sweats
06:53Oh, it could have very easily been the meat sweats
06:55No, that's an old wives' tale
06:57No, it isn't
06:58Meat sweats is a real phenomenon
07:00Or something like a phenomenon
07:02The Swedes did a study on it
07:04I bet the Swedes hammer a lot of meatballs, eh?
07:06Swedes probably hammer the most meatballs
07:08Fuser meatballs
07:08One trip to Ikea and everyone's a fucking expert
07:11What if it was the vintage tea sweats?
07:14What?
07:15Well, let's say you buy a t-shirt at a vintage store
07:18Some other nutsack or nutsacks have previously owned and worn the t-shirt
07:23And they have perspired in it
07:26And then when you perspire, their stink rises to the top
07:30Pretty gnar, but here we are
07:33Pretty Paul Gross
07:34If you're nauseous, be cautious
07:36Do you want to want?
07:36I don't care if it's nervous sweats
07:38Or the meat sweats
07:40Or the vintage tea sweats
07:42Thanks, thank you
07:44There's something that mom and dad should have drilled into you a long time ago
07:48Wash
07:49Born to judge
07:51Well, I'm out of here
07:53Where's he off to now?
07:55I've got my two o'clock
07:56Two o'clock what?
07:57Date
07:58And the other ones?
07:59How many dates are going on?
08:01Today?
08:01Holy fuck
08:03Three
08:03Three whole dates?
08:05Huh?
08:06I'm going scorched earth, boys
08:07What's the need for going on three dates in one day?
08:10Dairy
08:10If you can be one thing, you should be efficient
08:13She's right
08:15Must be fucking nice
08:27Dream notch on the bedpost, boys
08:29I've already played this
08:31Animated edition, buddy
08:32In
08:33Cartoon character you'd most like to smash
08:37Taxi, go
08:38Fred Flintstone
08:39Why?
08:40Never wears pants
08:41That's a head start I can get behind
08:43And would
08:44Bernie's in the same camp
08:45Flintstones are like the inaugural village people
08:48That's so hot
08:49That's so fucking hot
08:51Let's fuck a village person
08:52I'll fuck a village person
08:53Let's fuck a whole village
08:54I'll fuck some villagers
08:55We'll have a gay old time
08:57Riley
08:57Go
08:58Ariel
08:59The Little Mermaid
09:00She's not that little
09:01Besides, Prince Eric would never smash a mermaid that was too little
09:05Not the Prince Eric I know
09:08She's like 16 in the movie
09:10Well, according to the film's official novelization, Prince Eric was 18, so he's good
09:15That's good
09:15In most states
09:17Any concern for the very likely fishy smell?
09:20None whatsoever
09:21Jonesy, go
09:22Made Marion from Disney's rendition of Robin Hood
09:26She's a foxy, bro
09:28No, she's super foxy
09:30Which is not surprising, considering she's literally a fox
09:34Where's Gail at?
09:35Well, it's supposed to be a secret, but since you've basically already guessed it
09:39Gail is out of action because Gail is getting some action
09:44You mean that old goat's wandered into the horse pen?
09:48You said it, not me
09:49Who's the stud?
09:50It's a super secret
09:52Okay, buddy
09:53It's under the classified cone, Jonesy
09:56A little space
09:57Spasiba
09:58No worries, Glensky
10:00I will not tell tales out of school, Riley
10:03Honestly, you've become relentless
10:04I don't like it
10:05It's not a good look on you
10:06It's not a good color
10:07I'm happy for her
10:08You too now!
10:10Listen, I cannot handle this pressure, gentlemen
10:13It's going to make me crumble
10:14Crumble like the beautiful Greek statue
10:16End of discussion, then
10:19Oh, fine!
10:22So you're talking about cartoon takedowns
10:24Let's put it this way
10:25If Gail's takedown were a cartoon character
10:28He'd be Woody from Toy Story
10:30One through four
10:31But that's all you're getting out of, Glenn
10:33That's it
10:34Zip it up
10:34Fort Knox
10:35Nothing more
10:36It's because he's tall
10:38Lanky
10:39And wears a cowboy hat
10:40Goodness gracious
10:41He talks real fast
10:43I mean real fast
10:44But that's all the auction
10:46Oh, Glenn
10:47All the action
10:49Ow, we're dissipating
10:51Enough
10:51Jimmy Dixon?
10:53Is this all lying down
10:54As he is standing up?
10:55I heard that from the horse's mouth
10:57But that's the end of this conversation
10:58It's a three-hander
11:02Okay?
11:03But that's it
11:04Goodbye
11:04Goodbye
11:04Fine
11:07It's the length of a chair leg
11:09And the girth of a coffee mug
11:11Are you happy now?
11:12I cannot keep talking about this
11:13Okay, he's quite tall
11:16So if he's standing straight up
11:17I'm just trying to do a little math here
11:19And his horn is a high jump bar
11:23I think it's set at about a meter twenty
11:25Glenn
11:26Bonnie, I'm trying
11:28Listen
11:29I'm at work right now
11:30I'm trying to finish my shift here
11:32Do you think I want to stand around here all day
11:34And I'm supposed to be working
11:35But instead I'm talking about my employer
11:37And her personal life
11:39And how Jim Dickens' horn
11:41Could double as a pull-up bar
11:43I don't like any part of this
11:45Gentleman
11:46Glenn
11:47Fine, we're done
11:49We're done
11:50And Bonnie, enough
11:51And we're done
11:52Enough
11:53Do you guys think Jimmy Diskin can like suck his own meter?
12:00And the small town rumor mill begins to churn
12:03And where's the last time you tried?
12:10How are you now?
12:11Good and you?
12:12That was good
12:12That was quick
12:13That one was better
12:15But
12:16Still a bust
12:18So wing
12:19Badabada
12:20Good cut
12:20Good cut
12:21Caught a piece of it
12:22But still foul
12:23Smellin'
12:25Foul was not the issue this time around
12:28Good
12:28Wash
12:30He had summer teeth
12:31With summer teeth
12:32Pretty good
12:32Welco's elbow
12:33Some are here
12:35Some are there
12:36Then you'll like that, eh?
12:40Duh
12:41How bad's we talking?
12:44Bad
12:44How bad?
12:47Some are inside his mouth
12:49And some are not inside his mouth anymore
12:52See, I got, uh
12:56I got a wee bit of time for that
12:59Pardon?
12:59Yeah, you know, lights as long as they're clean
13:01No, they weren't
13:04Oh, yeah, no
13:06Fuck that
13:06No, crap, no
13:07He a flosser?
13:09Did not appear to have floss, no
13:11But I mean
13:13Nobody really flosses
13:16Right?
13:20Are you fucking with me?
13:23Here's all I'm saying
13:24Is there's a lot of super mega babes out there
13:27Who have what some might call imperfect teeth
13:29Like who?
13:31Jessica Perry
13:32Hannah Paquins
13:33Madonna
13:33Mick Jagger's daughter
13:35George May Jagger
13:36Vanessa Paradis
13:37Jewel
13:38And don't forget Dutch supermodel Laura Stone
13:41But do you guys like that?
13:43Look, here's the thing I'm going to tell you
13:45What's a person without imperfections?
13:49Yeah, I like a little bit of au naturel
13:51Professor Trish's calls it the flaws of the Kardashians' generations
13:55Young women's refuse to accept their perfect imperfections
13:58Personally, I like a dude with straight teeth
14:01To each his or her own
14:03Well, I'm sorry
14:04I didn't realize we was talking to the queens of fucking England
14:08We should all be so lucky
14:09Yeah, must be fucking nice
14:11I'm out of here
14:12Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Cadies
14:14Oh yeah, sorry about that
14:15I didn't mean to shout
14:15Make a lever, I think
14:16Yeah, I'm sorry too, kitty cat
14:18To each his or her own
14:20But I'm only leaving because I've got my third date
14:23Scorched earth, boys
14:24You must be fucking nice!
14:33So, so, so, you guys hear Gale ordered a chipotle chimichanga?
14:47Yeah, heard it was smoked meat with an extra large pickle
14:56Still not back in his shirts
14:57Oh, just over crystal clear here
15:00You guys heard Jim Dickens fuck Gailer
15:03We heard Gailer fuck Jim Dickens
15:06Steamy
15:07Sorted
15:07Squalid
15:09Gale asked suit a cowboy
15:10You guys hear a chipotle chimichanga?
15:13Double stuffed
15:14That's good
15:15How big is that exactly?
15:18Take a chipotle chimichanga
15:19Yeah?
15:20Now double it
15:21I'm not a math guy
15:23Still not big in the shirts
15:25What?
15:25I heard Gail rode that sturdy steed till sunrise
15:29I heard the stallion never petered off
15:31Giddy up
15:32I've never really thought about Jim Dickens like that before
15:36But now I fear I may never stop
15:38Well, I think Jim Dickens is all most people are thinking about tonight
15:54Did I just get a text from Gail?
16:01Yes
16:02Did she use the raindrop emoji in reference to her womanhood?
16:06Maybe
16:06Did you hear any of this from Glenn?
16:09No
16:10The small town rumor mill is a-churning
16:31I think I'd like to start going on dates
16:40Like Katie
16:41Attaboy
16:42Local gal
16:44This long distance relationship is too much fucking work
16:47I'd like to meet a gal from Letterkenny
16:49Since it's been a topic to conversations
16:52May I gently suggest that if you're about to re-enter the dating games
16:56That you steps up your hygiene games
16:59You talk about my hygiene game
17:01Get out of your fucking barn clothes, bud
17:03I need a guest and brew
17:12Bada-bada swing
17:22Didn't even make it into the batter's box
17:25He's out of there
17:26You know, three losses is a slump
17:28Well, two's a slump, but that's splitting hairs
17:30Dating sucks
17:31That must be fucking nice
17:33He was a crotch scratcher, Derry
17:35That is typical of Batter's Box behavior, though
17:38What kind of a crotch scratcher?
17:40There's more than one type of crotch scratcher?
17:43Yes
17:44The most popular being the pocket scratch, which you pretend you're searching for your changer keys
17:49And then pocket scratch
17:52Kate
17:53Then there's the sits and wiggle scratch
17:56Well, how does that one go?
17:57That's where a guy keeps adjusting his chair for no apparent reason whatsoever
18:01So that you distract from what he's really doing, which was the sits and wiggle scratch
18:06I've never seen a guy do that
18:08Yes, you have
18:09And then there's the lesser-known, hey, look over there, scratcher
18:14I'm exhausted
18:15Katie, how long has that photo of you been up on the fridge over there for?
18:20Which?
18:22You just scratched yourself, didn't you?
18:24Well, I'm never going to tell
18:25Well, this guy didn't even try to hide it
18:28He was just giving her
18:30Ah, the old fuck you scratch
18:32Were you on a date with a DJ?
18:33I don't understand ball scratching on dates
18:36What are you, six? Don't pull your pudding
18:39In all fairness, that's a two-way street there, Ms. Katie's
18:41Because I've seen more than my fair share of ladies doing the pocket pinching
18:45Yeah, don't pick your poon
18:46Pardon?
18:48Well, I said don't pick your-
18:49Piss off!
18:52Third
18:52What?
18:59That is juicy
19:00So, to Moniz?
19:03I don't have a doubt
19:33I don't have a doubt
19:35I don't have a doubt
19:36I don't have a tough one
19:37I'm totallyaky
19:40I don't have a doubt
19:40But I don't have a doule
19:41I don't have a doubt
19:42I don't have a doubt
19:47But I'll have one
19:50But I have a pandemia
19:51We want to상을
19:52I don't have
19:54I don't have
19:55I don't have a damn
19:57Cl Spiel
19:58I don't have balance
19:59That is juicy
20:01Very
20:01Nice
20:02乾imate
20:03Donnie, turn that down.
20:29Heard some talk, the people been talking.
20:37It's okay.
20:39I'm the first gal from town to take down Jim Dickens.
20:44He's always fancied girls from Donegal.
20:48I've heard he's referred to as the Donegal Ripper.
20:52He's a mystery around here.
20:55Till now.
20:56How big is Dickskin?
21:02Take a roll of paper towel.
21:05Take all the paper towel off it.
21:08Till you're left with nothing but the cardboard tubing inside the roll.
21:13Got it?
21:14Yeah.
21:15Now double it.
21:17Yeah.
21:18Know how I'm nearsighted?
21:20Yeah.
21:20Dickskin got behind me at one point.
21:24His horn's so long, I needed my glasses to see what he's up to back there.
21:30Still not his biggest shirt.
21:32Old.
21:32At one point, Dickskin scooped me up by my bum like Ben Diesel in the original Fast and
21:42Nefarious Movie Motion Picture.
21:45Okay.
21:46He's so tall, it's the equivalent of riding an elevator up one and a half stories with
21:53one hundred and a half tons of danger.
21:58Is it hard for anyone else to picture Dickens doing anything but fast-talking auctioneering?
22:03Who said there was no fast-talk auctioneering?
22:06Fuck off.
22:07Can I get a dip, one dip, another dip, dip, dip?
22:10Can I get an ass in there?
22:11Look, I just don't care.
22:13I'm gonna get a fucking gale everywhere.
22:15Fucking gale, fucking gale.
22:18Hair, hair, all going, uh, once going, uh, once going, uh, once going, uh.
22:23Would you like to go twice, Kaler?
22:28Damn dickskins.
22:30I didn't see you come in there.
22:31Didn't you?
22:31Not really.
22:32No, why?
22:33He buys a sea hair shy and a seven feet tall is all.
22:36These are for you.
22:38I picked them myself.
22:39Oh.
22:41Smells nice.
22:44How would you like to pick another flower?
22:48Buy me a beer first.
22:50Okay.
22:53I'd put it on your tab, but I can't seem to find it.
22:58Maybe we should just start a new one.
23:01Okay.
23:02Okay.
23:02Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
23:07Free beer if you smash gala.
23:09No.
23:10Two people from the same town, together and happy.
23:14It's kind of rare.
23:16Big takeaway, there is no one dateable in this town.
23:20No one.
23:21What the fuck?
23:22No.
23:23There is no one dateable in this town.
23:26Well, there is.
23:27No, there is no one dateable in this town.
23:33Do you agree with that, Bonnie?
23:34A bunch of stinkers and scratchers, really.
23:38Just, no one new or exotic ever comes into town.
23:43Like, what's it going to take for some sexy Brit to come in here and charm me with that accent?
23:50Oh, please, do you excuse me, yeah?
23:58I've been abroad for so long, I'm barely recognizable.
24:01To no mean.
24:03Where does the queue begin?
24:04Four pints at this pub.
24:06I've drank nearly nothing but Guinness in Dublin, haven't I?
24:10Oh, do you take euros here?
24:12Four pints at this pub, I'm known for running my mouth, I'm known for running my mouth, I'm known for running my mouth, I'm known for running my mouth, I will not be accountable for what comes out of.
24:37I'm known for running my mouth, I'm known for running my mouth, I'm known for running my mouth.
24:57I'm known for running my mouth, I will not be accountable for what comes out of.
25:27I'm known for running my mouth.
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