- 5/9/2025
King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 9 Pretty, Pretty Dresses
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TVTranscript
00:00BOOM!
00:30I do love Christmas.
01:00I like to celebrate the anniversary of when Lenore left me seven years ago Christmas Eve.
01:07Best thing that ever happened to me.
01:09Yep.
01:10Well, that's nice, Bill.
01:12Yeah, I tell you what.
01:13Holidays are the least lonely time of the year.
01:19You know, I feel like eating a cookie.
01:25Bill's always got some cookies lying around, probably.
01:33Bill?
01:34Bill?
01:49Oh, hey.
01:52Hey, buddy.
01:54I was just cleaning for baby Jesus's birthday.
01:58Well, good.
02:00Uh, I just wanted to make sure that you'll be coming over for dinner, you know, until the holidays are over.
02:08Oh, yeah, I'm coming.
02:10I cleared my calendar right through the end of the year and a good chunk of the next.
02:15Bill, uh, these old gifts aren't for Lenore, are they?
02:21No.
02:25Yes, but she'll come back and be happy I saved everything.
02:30Uh, Bill, you've got to face the facts.
02:33She's not, well, it's very unlikely that, uh, well, I guess you never know.
02:44Freakish things do happen.
02:46Yes, they do.
02:51I've received a few more responses for our party.
02:54Rudy Beaker, yes, VP.
02:57All this talk about people makes me, you know what it makes me think about?
03:02Uh, breakups.
03:04You ever think about that dead boyfriend of yours?
03:07Well...
03:08I wonder if you'll ever find someone again.
03:11I mean, most people just get one relationship in this life.
03:16Luann, honey, can you help me serve at the party?
03:18You were such a wonderful hostess last year.
03:22I, uh...
03:23What?
03:26I can help, Mom.
03:28I'll be the hostess with the mostess.
03:32Huh.
03:33Hmm, let's see, there's, uh, Mary and Margaret.
03:36What's the name of that girl who dumped you, Bobby?
03:40Marie.
03:41Marie!
03:42Yeah, she was cute.
03:43Maybe we could talk about something else, huh?
03:46Oh, yeah, sure.
03:48Remember Bob Cecil, Peggy?
03:50You went to a basketball game together.
03:53You liked him.
03:55Well, that was 10th grade.
03:57No, I didn't.
03:58Yeah, he did, but he didn't like you.
04:06Uh, shouldn't you be doing this?
04:08He likes serving.
04:10Oh, after last night, it is a miracle I have my appetite back at all.
04:14I just don't see why Bill must ruin all of our dinners.
04:18Personally, I could live without him.
04:20Me too.
04:21Peggy, a little more than 20 years ago, I set Arlen High's single-season rushing record.
04:28Sure, I had legs like a jackrabbit, but Bill Dotreeve blocked for me.
04:33And the running back who forgets his front line, that's the man I wouldn't want to have to dinner.
04:39Shame on you.
04:41Shame on you both.
04:43Here you go, darling.
04:49Come on.
04:53Come on.
04:54Eat up.
04:56So, uh, were they all out of dogs there, Bill?
05:00No, no.
05:02Iguanas are very trendy these days.
05:04You see them in, uh, cigar bars with movie stars.
05:10Come on.
05:12Come on, Lenore.
05:14You named it Lenore?
05:16Well, yeah.
05:17I-I thought he looked like a Lenore.
05:19I think he's just not very hungry right now.
05:22I mean, with so many new people.
05:24Uh, uh, should I leave?
05:43Don't worry.
05:44It's dead.
05:45It's dead.
05:46Oh!
05:47Oh!
05:51I cannot eat another meal with Bill at our dinner table.
05:55Why?
05:56Bill seemed a lot happier tonight.
05:58Honey, that Iguana is a cry for help.
06:02A hissing, disease-ridden cry for help.
06:06Luhan, knock.
06:09I had a bad dream.
06:10Oh, Bill?
06:11I dreamt that Lenore came back and stole Lenore.
06:14And then Lenore drove off with Lenore, and I ran down the street after him, and I yelled,
06:20Lenore!
06:22Lenore!
06:23And then my teeth fell out.
06:25Peggy, you were there.
06:27Can I sleep in your living room?
06:30Yes, Bill.
06:31I'm giving you 24 hours to get me out of that man's dreams.
06:42Shall we?
06:44Uh, no.
06:47You need a minute?
06:49Uh, Bill, I want to have dinner tonight, just the family.
06:55You don't want me coming to dinner?
06:58Why don't you just take the night to practice being happy, okay?
07:03Yeah, okay.
07:04That's fine.
07:04No problem.
07:06I like eating alone.
07:07I prefer it, even.
07:09No offense to your family.
07:12Oh, it is just so wonderful.
07:15The food even smells better.
07:24Oh!
07:25And then, the Clint Eastwood character would say,
07:45That propane tank is empty.
07:48Heh.
07:48Wouldn't that be a good movie?
07:50Good.
07:52That would be a great movie.
07:54And would you direct it, Uncle Hank?
07:57Yeah, me, maybe, or your Aunt Peggy.
08:01Say, did I ever tell you all about how they make...
08:04Dang.
08:18My ten-footer's gone.
08:23Dale?
08:25Er, Bill?
08:26Probably Dale?
08:32What you doing there, Bill?
08:34Satellite dish trouble?
08:36Nah, I'm just up here to kill myself.
08:40What?
08:40No!
08:41Hmm.
08:43Hmm.
08:43Hmm.
08:45Oh!
08:45Ow!
08:46No!
08:46No!
08:54You know who I feel sorriest for in all this?
08:59Bill.
09:00We need to find him a psychiatrist.
09:02He's just suicidal, Peggy.
09:04He's not crazy.
09:06We've just got to watch him constantly until he snaps out of it.
09:10I don't think Bill is going to snap out of it.
09:13There's nothing we can do but sit back and watch the bloodbath.
09:17No!
09:18He's our friend.
09:19Now, Dale, you make your own hours, so you take the day shift.
09:23I'll take nights.
09:24Boomhauer, late afternoon to early evening.
09:27Can I have another codeine, please?
09:29Quiet, Bill.
09:30Oh, we're trying to do something here.
09:36So, uh, huh.
09:40That shouldn't be here.
09:43So, uh, maybe you ought to get to bed and try to sleep this thing off.
09:48All I do is sleep.
09:50I guess I'm just getting in practice, huh?
09:53For the big, long sleep.
09:55Ugh.
09:56Come on, Bill.
09:58How about a beer?
09:59Beer's a depression, Hank.
10:01Don't go blaming the beer.
10:18It's electric, Bill.
10:20Yeah, well, it's still getting pretty hot.
10:23Ugh.
10:24All right.
10:32We'll do this the hard way.
10:34Where do you keep your pajamas?
10:36Hm.
10:37Okay.
10:38You want baseball players or the...
10:41Hey, what's this fancy one?
10:43I like the way silk feels on my skin.
10:47Silk is for pantyhose, Bill.
10:49They're all I got.
10:52You've got a wife!
10:54Put them on.
10:55No, I don't want to.
10:58Arms up.
10:59Rinse!
11:07Rinse!
11:16Rinse!
11:17Oh
11:35Damn it, Bill
11:47Nuh-uh.
11:50But I have to dinkle.
11:51Not on my watch.
12:02Oh.
12:04Well, Norn, I used to come here and watch people dance like that.
12:17No!
12:18No!
12:19No!
12:21No!
12:22No!
12:24No!
12:25No!
12:26No!
12:27No!
12:28No!
12:37I can't keep this up.
12:39It's not in my nature to care about others.
12:42Yeah, man, no little routine, man.
12:44I'm not gonna talk about no free time, man.
12:46Work Bill.
12:47Work Bill.
12:48Work Bill.
12:49Work Bill.
12:50Man, I'm gonna blow my own head, man.
12:52Okay.
12:53I'll take over your guys' shifts.
12:56I just gotta work it out with my boss.
12:59Dale, what are you wearing?
13:01Nothin'.
13:03That's Bill's pajama top.
13:06He's as good as Dad.
13:07What's the difference?
13:10Sir, you know how I hate missing work during the holidays, but I gotta...
13:15It's your Christmas party, right?
13:16Yeah.
13:17You need some time to set up.
13:18Well, get it right.
13:19You invited our whole dang client sheet.
13:22Uh, no.
13:23Actually, it concerns a friend of mine and, well, it's a matter of life or death, really.
13:29Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:30Just, uh, wrap it up one way or the other.
13:32And, uh, have Donna zero out your vacation days.
13:37Dang it, Bill.
13:39Whew.
13:40I haven't slept in two days.
13:43This morning, Bill tried to drown himself in the toilet.
13:47So do you think you could find him a date?
13:50Uh, I would have to invite a woman over for dinner and, of course, never tell her that
13:56Bill would be here.
13:57Thanks, Peggy.
13:59They won't let me have a knife.
14:09I'm in the middle of killing myself.
14:12Do you like iguanas, Mrs. Tobis?
14:16You lied to me, Peggy.
14:18Mr. Doughtree is a collector of exotic reptilia.
14:22You collect throw pillows.
14:24I have some pillows on my couch, but that doesn't make me insane.
14:29And in answer to your question, I find iguanas to be filthy, repulsive creatures.
14:38Well, I think we all could use a bath.
14:47Well, when it's your own.
14:50You are a gross man.
14:53Sheila.
14:54Marry me.
14:55Bill.
14:56Oh, this is so exciting.
14:57I just want my coat.
14:59For the love of God, get me my coat.
15:02Allow me.
15:07No!
15:08Don't leave me!
15:10Sheela, I should tell you right now, I have already given him your number.
15:25Dale!
15:26He would have wanted me to have it.
15:41He's still alive.
15:43Net pick and I ain't gonna bring him back.
15:46Help me.
15:47Help me.
15:48Help me.
15:49Help me.
15:50Help me look for Lenore.
15:51Bill, can't you see that this whole Lenore thing is your problem?
15:56The iguana, these presents, this old tree.
15:58Get rid of this stuff.
15:59No!
16:00No!
16:01I couldn't.
16:02I couldn't.
16:03See, when she comes back.
16:04She's never coming back.
16:05It's so obvious.
16:06She doesn't want this stupid stocking.
16:07No!
16:08No!
16:09I couldn't.
16:10I couldn't.
16:11See, when she comes back.
16:13She's never coming back.
16:14It's so obvious.
16:15She doesn't want this stupid stocking.
16:17No!
16:18Or whatever's in this box.
16:21Or this.
16:28Or this.
16:31Or this.
16:34There.
16:39You feel okay?
16:44I don't feel anything.
16:46Great!
16:47I knew you'd snap out of this.
16:50Uh.
16:51Sure you're okay?
16:53Yes.
16:54Good.
16:55Heh.
16:56Now I can tell ya.
16:57Heh.
16:58You were acting pretty weird there.
17:00Heh.
17:01Heh.
17:02Yes.
17:03Okay then.
17:04I'll see you tomorrow.
17:05BANG!
17:06BANG!
17:11I was really hard on him, but it was all for the best.
17:17Can you imagine if he'd shown up at our party with Lenore?
17:21Well, are you sure he's okay?
17:23I asked him twice.
17:26Oh, there's that lizard.
17:28Hey!
17:29Hey!
17:30Hey!
17:31Who are you?
17:32What are you doing in Bill's backyard?
17:33Hank!
17:34Don't you recognize me?
17:35Ugh.
17:36I'm Lenore!
17:37What is going on?
17:38Well, I'm just washing a dress for your big party, silly!
17:41Bill, take off the dress!
17:42Why do you keep calling me Bill?
17:43Hey, who are you?
17:44Hey, who are you?
17:45What are you doing in Bill's backyard?
17:46Hank!
17:47Don't you recognize me?
17:48Ugh.
17:49I'm Lenore!
17:50What is going on?
17:51Well, I'm just washing a dress for your big party, silly!
17:56Bill, take off the dress!
18:07Why do you keep calling me Bill?
18:11My name is Lenore!
18:14Silly, I've come back because I love Bill so much, and I really missed him!
18:22No, uh-uh.
18:23This is too much.
18:24In high school, you blocked for me, but I did my job, too.
18:28I ran through the holes setting Arlen High's single season rushing record, as you recall,
18:35and now here I am blocking for you, but you're not even trying.
18:39I don't even know what kind of game you're playing.
18:41Maybe some kind of crazy tennis.
18:45Hank!
18:46Okay, then.
18:48Nice visiting with you.
18:50See you at the party!
18:52No!
18:53No!
18:54You stay away from my party!
18:55No party!
18:56You got that?
18:57I'm already invited to there.
19:01Oh, hello!
19:03Do you gentlemen think you could spare a beer for a lady?
19:08Come on!
19:09You know you're Bill!
19:10Oh, no!
19:11I don't know that!
19:12I don't...
19:13I'm...
19:14I'm Lenore!
19:15Well, if you're Lenore, then where's Bill, huh?
19:19Huh?
19:20Uh...
19:21Bill's in the house!
19:22Mm-hmm!
19:23You want me to go get him?
19:25I'm skeptical that you could, yet intrigued that you may.
19:34Bill's been acting a little...
19:37weird lately, don't you think?
19:42Maybe it's me.
19:43Uh...
19:44Bill's busy!
19:46Mm-hmm!
19:47I needed a wrap!
19:48It's jelly!
19:56Yep!
19:57All right, that's it.
19:58Honey, you're peeling in anger.
20:02You should be able to get more than one french fry out of a whole Idaho.
20:06Yeah, maybe I am angry.
20:09I used my vacation days bathing the son of a bitch, and he threatens to crash my Christmas party.
20:16He's not being an ingrate on purpose.
20:19The only way that Bill could get Lenore back was to become her.
20:23Mm-hmm.
20:24I wouldn't be surprised if there were some psychological basis to it.
20:28Well, I don't know anything about psychology, but it sounds to me like Mr. Dotree needs closure.
20:38He needs to realize that Lenore's never coming back, and he needs to just move on with his life.
20:45It's the same thing Buckley's Angel told me.
20:47Well, Buckley's Angel's the only one making sense.
20:51How about I invite the real Lenore to the party and just settle this thing once and for all?
20:57Oh, I hope it works, but if they show up in the same dress, it'll be a disaster.
21:12Listen, Hank, we got all our clients here, big fish, little fish, so if you see some little fish cornering me, it's your job to pull me out.
21:21We should treat all our clients like big fish, Mr. Strickland.
21:25Yeah, good, good. Save that for the little fish.
21:30Damn it.
21:38May I offer you a homemade tater tot, Mr. and Mrs. Dotree?
21:43Why, thanks.
21:45What the hell's going on here, Hank?
21:48I ordered a Santa. This is some kind of mistake.
21:52Bill, get out.
21:54Lenore!
21:55Bill!
21:56I want to stay and mingle.
21:59Lenore!
22:00Who is me?
22:01Sure does love a party!
22:04Party, party!
22:13Phone call for you, Mom.
22:15Yeah, hello?
22:17Lenore?
22:19Hold on.
22:21Bill!
22:22It's the real Lenore!
22:24What?
22:26Oh, honey, but you have to come by.
22:30Oh, okay.
22:31How about I hand Bill the phone?
22:33It would really help it...
22:36Well, if you could just tell him you send your love...
22:41Yeah, sure.
22:44No, I understand.
22:46Never mind, Bill.
22:52Look at that, man.
22:55Is this a joke?
22:56Because if it is, I don't care.
22:58He's a freak.
23:00I tell you what, man, I'm getting ugly in here, man.
23:02There's people that come in and they're gonna get Bill in those dress, man.
23:05They're gonna get them with ass whooping on him.
23:11Go back to Hollywood.
23:13It's in the Democratic National Convention.
23:16You crashed the wrong party, huh?
23:18Hey, it's strictly pro-pain.
23:20Look at this!
23:22Take out my dress, buddy. You're scaring me.
23:24Yeah, now we're having fun.
23:26Yeah, that's right.
23:28It's that kind of party.
23:31Anything goes, extra fun.
23:34Hank, this wasn't on my invitation.
23:36Did you make Bill a special invitation?
23:40Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
23:45Well, okie dokie.
23:48Everyone, let's play Boggle, huh?
23:51It's not usually played with such a large group, but it's Christmas, so...
23:57Let's sing a song.
23:58Donk!
24:01Stop teasing me!
24:04Bill, I am Lenore and I don't love you.
24:09No, Hank. I'm Lenore.
24:14I've left you forever because you're lazy and no good.
24:19Lenore.
24:22We fight so loud all the neighbors can hear.
24:26We fight during the day, we fight during the night.
24:29Lenore!
24:31Wait, we can work stuff out. I'm a good husband.
24:35Bill, if I wanted to work things out, I would have called.
24:39I don't love you anymore. That's it.
24:42I don't love you.
24:44That's all?
24:45No.
24:48That's why you left?
24:51It's simple as that?
24:54You didn't even have the courtesy to send me a Dear John letter?
25:00Well, I'll tell you what I consider that rude.
25:05And I'll tell you something, I am worth a Dear John letter.
25:09I'll tell you that right now.
25:10And there are a lot of women who would agree with me.
25:14So, you know what? You go ahead!
25:16You get out! Get out!
25:18You don't...
25:20You don't DESERVE William Fontaine DeLatour to retrieve!
25:23Okay, Bill. That's what I'm doing, then.
25:26What are you doing, then?
25:48I hit rock bottom there, didn't I, Hank?
25:51And hard.
25:52Then it's...
25:54It's all uphill from now on.
25:56Yep.
25:57The wind's at your back, buddy.
25:59Merry Christmas.
26:05Get...
26:22You get it.
26:44The wind's at one isращimi-eupliesta.
26:46And it's one to get there.
26:49It's a pretty good thing to me.
26:50Why do you keep calling me?
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