- 5/8/2025
King Of The Hill Season 2 Episode 15 Three Days Of The Kahndo
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TVTranscript
00:00You're so fine, you're so fine, you blowin' my mind, hey, Mickey!
00:06Oh, Mickey, oh, it's a fire, I wanna believe!
00:10You take me by the heart, and you take me by the hand!
00:14Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, I want you to always play it hard, like you, Mickey!
00:21What'd you do, Mickey, do, Mickey?
00:24Don't blame my mom, Mickey!
00:30Oh, Mickey, do, Mickey, do, Mickey!
01:00Oh, man, you didn't have to bring cookies.
01:09Hearing about all of your little Connie's academic achievements is all the treat that we need.
01:14Oh, no problem.
01:16Don't want them getting stale while we go on a luxury trip to Mexico.
01:20Mexico!
01:21Oh, Hank and I used to go every time they devalued the peso.
01:25That got old pretty quick.
01:27We stay in beautiful Meet Todd duplex condo with Khan's brother and family.
01:34Mmm, oh, yes, lovely.
01:37What does Meet Todd mean exactly in English?
01:40First class?
01:41Deluxe?
01:43Meet Todd.
01:44Mmm.
01:45You know, that's one of those words that doesn't translate easily.
01:49Mmm.
01:49Extra special luxury?
01:52It conveys the idea of simple but relatively clean living.
01:57Ah!
01:58Stupid, brother!
02:00Now we back out on the trip, and we stuck with full charge for condo rent.
02:04We can't afford that!
02:06We just bought a CD jukebox!
02:09Ah, maybe cracker neighbor's some use after all.
02:15Howdy, neighbor!
02:16Well, sure, there are some pros.
02:23It's a good deal, and I guess there's nothing tying us to the house now that we've got automatic sprinklers.
02:29But there's also the cons, the biggest one being, well, con.
02:35Hank, I saw the brochure.
02:37The condo is two stories and very Meet Todd.
02:42You would barely have to see him.
02:44If we stayed home, I wouldn't have to see him at all.
02:48I can't think of a better vacation than that.
02:51But it's also an opportunity to learn about another culture.
02:55Now, the last time Bobby went to Mexico, he was still on the breast.
03:00I love Mexico.
03:03They fast-tracked new makeup straight to the consumer.
03:06Here, the FDA tests and tests for years.
03:09It's like they don't care how we look.
03:12Oh, come on, Hank.
03:13I can finally replace that papier-mâché pair I got when I was an exchange student in Oaxaca.
03:19Come on, Dad.
03:21It's the real-life home of TV's Monsignor Martinez.
03:27Well, okay.
03:28If you all want to go, I guess it's Buenos Dias, Mexico.
03:33Oh, Hank.
03:35I'm sorry, but you just said,
03:38Good God's Mexico.
03:43Wish I could go on a luxury Mexican vacation.
03:47Must be pretty expensive to stay in one of those me-tied condos.
03:52Must cost at least 500 bucks.
03:56Maybe you got it for 350.
03:59How much you paying?
04:01I'll tell you what, man, about Mexico, man.
04:03You go down there, they're going to load up on those dang old chiclets, man.
04:07That's why you go down there, wheel and deal with them dang old dads, talk, talking about
04:10un camino, dos mujeres.
04:12What?
04:13I think it's nice that you're going away, Hank.
04:15You need a good vacation with your new best friend, Khan, who you love so much.
04:22Yes, Bill, I love Khan.
04:25Maybe if this trip works out, I'll marry him and live in Mexico forever.
04:30Is that what you want to hear?
04:33No.
04:34Every time I try to pass, hillbilly woman, speed up.
04:49Don't be silly.
04:50Peggy Hill's not even thinking about you.
04:52Think again, hotshot.
05:09Did you see that?
05:15Hey, no fair.
05:17You're making a mockery of the breakdown lane.
05:19Why is there such a big fence, Dad?
05:24Well, millions of people come to America in search of a better life, and we've decided
05:31we don't need that many.
05:33Did the super-nuscent phones come through the fence?
05:36No, Bobby.
05:38Khan applied the legal way.
05:40Sometimes the system fails us.
05:47Ha ha ha!
05:48Hey, check out this dangerous character.
05:51Ooh, watch out!
05:54You think he's running guns?
05:56Ha ha!
05:57Sir, pull your vehicle over to the inspection area, please.
06:01He was joking.
06:02Tell him you were joking, Khan.
06:05I'll let him look.
06:06You got nothing to hide.
06:07See you at Khan, though.
06:08Ha ha ha!
06:10Ha ha ha!
06:11Don't steal the towels.
06:21You take a charge.
06:22This is a mini bar.
06:25You use, you pay.
06:28Now for the tour of the condo.
06:31Condo!
06:33Wait a minute.
06:34Where the rest of it?
06:35I pay for me Todd condo two floors.
06:39This condo, plenty me Todd, but only one floor.
06:42What are you trying to pull?
06:44Old bait and switch?
06:46Me Todd.
06:47Me Todd means half.
06:50Just downstairs, not upstairs.
06:52¿Comprendes?
06:53Just downstairs?
06:55I can't spend a whole weekend squished side by side with a redneck neighbor.
07:00No, no, no, no.
07:00Don't worry about any redneck neighbor.
07:04Nobody's rented the upstairs.
07:06It's completely vacant.
07:08But!
07:09Where are the bathrooms?
07:12Oh, there's only one bathroom.
07:14But hey, the tub is big enough for two people.
07:16Ah!
07:22I've come to see Mexico.
07:31Not Hank Hill squeezing this year's butt into last year's swimsuit.
07:38Ah!
07:40Oh, no.
07:41You're not getting the upstairs.
07:43Not after what you did to me back there at the border.
07:46Okay.
07:47You take high class penthouse with a view.
07:49We take downstairs hovel.
07:52Here's a key.
07:55Lock, little sticky.
07:56You gotta rake it like this.
07:58No tomorrow.
07:59This is a car key.
08:01Yeah, you win new car.
08:02This big game show.
08:03Just rake it, stupid.
08:06Huh.
08:07Well, it probably just needs a little WD-40.
08:11Peggy, which bag has our bathroom stuff?
08:14Come on, kids.
08:19And a lie.
08:20We're off to the papier-mâché district.
08:23We gotta sneak off on our own, Bobby.
08:26Mom, can Connie and I go play volleyball?
08:30Well, all right.
08:34Just make sure to apply plenty of sunscreen, honey.
08:37We are much closer to the sun here than in Texas.
08:40If this market is way too tacky, they are not going to have papier-mâché pairs.
09:06Oh, my God.
09:14La lente de so.
09:15The illegal beauty secret of the stars.
09:18Look, Bobby.
09:31Firecrackers.
09:38Well, M-80s.
09:42Those are a quarter stick of dynamite.
09:46Oh, my gosh.
09:48La bomba.
09:50Those can blow your whole arm off.
09:54Ahora regresamos a Los DÃas y Las Noches de Monsignor MartÃnez.
10:05Vaya con Dios.
10:11Ay, don't take that away.
10:18Hey, this is a beer.
10:25Not a fruit salad.
10:28Why can't you find your own bar?
10:30I have the same coupon book as you.
10:33I just want a beer.
10:35This is free country.
10:37Isn't it?
10:39Huh?
10:40Oh, no.
10:41No, I don't want this.
10:44No.
10:44No.
10:45Look, if you want to make money, play for that guy.
10:47He's rich.
10:49Mucho dinero.
10:50Mucho dinero.
10:50Mucho dinero.
10:51Mucho dinero.
10:52Vamos.
10:57What?
10:59Oh, no, no.
11:00You think I'm a sucker?
11:01Ah, you sing for me.
11:03I sing for you.
11:05That's what I like about you.
11:08You really know how to dance.
11:10Yeah.
11:12How about that trash can over there?
11:14Let's blow that up.
11:15If this were a cherry bomb, I'd say yes.
11:19But this is La Bamba.
11:25Hmm.
11:26Nah.
11:28Ooh.
11:30Ooh.
11:32Hmm.
11:34Ooh.
11:38This is our chance to really make a statement.
11:42She blinded me with science.
12:07She blinded me with science.
12:10Pretty good job, Con.
12:13I've never heard that song with only one note before.
12:17Yeah.
12:17It all about rhythm.
12:19Bartender, two cervezas, por favor.
12:23Oh.
12:23These are all authentic, locally crafted masks.
12:41In our culture, they have deep social and religious importance.
12:45Mm-hmm.
12:45Yeah, that's nice.
12:46Have you got pears?
12:48Ah, right.
12:49You're here for the paper mache pair.
12:52Uh-huh.
12:53Well, the pears are not sold separately.
12:56Oh, it's perfect.
12:59Oh, muchos, muchos gracias.
13:02I'm not even going to haggle.
13:04I have to pay for the frog, right?
13:06Yes.
13:06Of course.
13:07It is so beautiful.
13:09I really, I don't know how I can thank you.
13:12Senora, I have a friend just across the border.
13:15And I don't trust the mail.
13:17Senora, the address is on the box.
13:19Would you deliver it for me?
13:20Well, that would be my pleasure, amigo.
13:23Gracias.
13:24Oh, my, it's wrapped prettily, isn't it?
13:27I wonder, what is in it?
13:29I'll tell you what's in there.
13:32Cocaine, blacktop, ECP, you name it.
13:35I see 2020 special all about this.
13:37You're a mule, Peggy Hill.
13:39Hank, Hank Hill, is that you?
13:50Dale, what are you doing here?
13:53I was just out for a drive.
13:55Thought this place might have clean facilities.
13:58Talk about a coincidence.
14:01It's a nine-hour drive, Dale.
14:03Is it?
14:04I guess I better stay, then.
14:09I think it's a dud.
14:21Yeah.
14:22Let's give him 15 more minutes.
14:32Hey, you, you skinny gringo.
14:35I don't know you.
14:37Are you a guest?
14:37I'm staying with the hills in 5B.
14:415B?
14:43Upstairs?
14:45Damn turistas, you try to rip me up?
14:48It'll be the last time you...
14:49Somebody missed his siesta.
14:51Boy, now I know why they call it beach volleyball.
15:09Volleyball is really fun.
15:12Bobby, come here.
15:13Honey, do you think I'm naive?
15:15No.
15:17Am I just a fool who believes whatever I am told?
15:21I'm sorry.
15:22Why on earth did I trust that man?
15:25That there could be anything in this package.
15:28Anything.
15:29I am so estupido.
15:32Oh.
15:33Hmm.
15:34They had to kill 10 turtles to fill one little jar.
15:39Nate!
15:39Oh my God, it's the police!
15:47They know I tried to blow up one of their monuments.
15:51No, no.
15:51They think I'm a makeup smuggler.
15:54Get out of my way.
15:55We all have to put on lots of makeup.
16:03This tastes like turtles.
16:06What in the heck is going on?
16:09I was never here.
16:11Peggy Hill is nobody's mule.
16:16A pair?
16:18Come on out here, everyone.
16:20Come on.
16:20Get out here.
16:21Get out here.
16:25We have nothing to hide.
16:32You will pay the condo manager 8,000 pesos.
16:37But if the key fit, you must acquit.
16:4010,000 pesos.
16:42Bailiff, confiscate their identification.
16:47Look, let's just pay the money and go home.
16:50Oh, my money not fluid.
16:52Take weeks to raise funds.
16:53You pay, I owe you.
16:55I can't cover it.
16:56If I could just get back to Ireland, I could have them garnish my wages.
17:01But we can't leave the country.
17:02They took our ID.
17:04Are you kidding?
17:05We won't have any trouble driving right through that checkpoint.
17:09They'll just wave us through, pretty as you please.
17:12Really?
17:13Well, hanky me, because we're angloid.
17:17You, they'll haul out and give the third degree.
17:20Maybe it'll be safer if we all split up.
17:23Dale, you come with me.
17:25Con, you're on your own.
17:26Hank Hill, you can't leave me.
17:29We Americans, Hank.
17:30No lime in our bill, remember?
17:32And we should set those mariachis running.
17:35Ha-ha!
17:36Ha-ha!
17:36Help me, Hank.
17:41Bye-bye.
17:42You'll get going now.
17:44Dale Con and I'll be along after we, uh, clear up that little misunderstanding.
17:50I don't think it's such a good idea.
18:01Yeah, well, here's another idea.
18:03We go on without you.
18:05Okay, all right.
18:06I get in.
18:07Hothole!
18:19We go!
18:20now just follow my lead and play it cool what if they find con if i know my mexican legal system
18:32which i do we'll get about 15 years with a starvation diet of moldy bread and warm water
18:40distilled water oh no and of course there is a total lack of toilet paper and privacy
18:49oh god i can't go while people watch then let me do the talking
18:56morning where are you gentlemen from arland texas i've been to arland nice town
19:08i think we lost them we'll be okay
19:38okay we're screwed no we're american we gotta find a payphone and hope ross perot's 800 number
19:49still working why you want to call that not for border right there millions of people cross over
19:56every day we can't do no big deal illegally no america is my country and i love her
20:04i wouldn't enter her in any way that's unnatural we have no choice hank the ins had their cameras
20:12trained on us the border guards think we're smugglers i'm too pretty to go to jail
20:19uh
20:29uh excuse me uh what did it cost you to rent those mopeds
20:35uh actually we own these but we are looking to sell them
20:40well maybe we can help each other out only thing is we're a little short on cash
20:46that watch belonged to my grandfather that was my only pair of button fly jeans
20:55hey what what happened to our mopeds
21:01hey look at me
21:08yeah look at me
21:11somebody look at me
21:15did you see
21:21yeah dale you looked really cool
21:24for your next trick why don't i kick your ass
21:28get on the back con dale you're lucky pierre
21:32oh man
21:41ah it'd be faster if we walk
21:45ow did you see did you see
22:02uh have we just been captured
22:06uh
22:07have we just been captured
22:11uh
22:15have we just been captured
22:19uh
22:23uh
22:27uh
22:31uh
22:44wait hank
22:45i
22:46i can't swim
22:48oh of course you can't
22:52ah
22:54look at a mighty river
22:58so much beauty
23:00so much power
23:03humble's a man
23:04huh hank
23:07are you good friend hank
23:09and friendship based on the truth
23:11i broke in a top condo on purpose
23:13and i'm sorry
23:15what
23:16damn you con
23:18this whole thing is your fault
23:20ugh
23:21ah
23:23i thought you said you couldn't swim
23:28i thought you said you couldn't swim
23:30yeah
23:31i beat that liar
23:33uh
23:36uh
23:37this river is filthy
23:39look at this
23:40underwear floating around
23:42uh hank
23:43a little help here
23:45he won't last two days
23:48in the u.s
23:57america
23:58texas
23:59home
24:03look how easy it is to get into this country
24:06oh
24:07i can't believe i had to learn the bill of rights
24:10when am i gonna use that
24:11you'd be surprised con
24:13i take the fifth on a daily basis
24:16yes
24:18yeah
24:19he
24:24he
24:25ah
24:26ah
24:27ah
24:28ah
24:29ah
24:31ah
24:32ah
24:34ah
24:35ah
24:36ah
24:37ah
24:38ah
24:40hurry up hank
24:41the border guards are coming
24:43you gotta give me a hand
24:45you gotta give me a hand
24:46dale
24:47dale
24:48dale
24:49dale
24:50dale
24:51wait
24:52i can't do it alone
24:53people gone
24:55take my hand
24:56welcome to land of opportunity hank
25:10hank
25:17ouch
25:19yep
25:21mm-hmm
25:22yep
25:23yep
25:24yep
25:25yep
25:26now you know what's funny
25:28this time i own texas soil first
25:31ha ha
25:32he's the immigrant
25:33i smuggle him in
25:35very funny con
25:37hey
25:38i live next door to alien
25:39my property worth nothing now
25:41ha ha
25:42ah
25:43you get in a baby way
25:45i had to memorize all presidents
25:48you couldn't do it
25:49that stretch between polk and a blue canna wipe you out
25:53you ever hear of garfield
25:55he more than a cartoon cat you know
25:57he part of history of my country
26:0420
26:09no
26:11or
26:12no
26:14no
26:16no
26:48Go with God.
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