- 8 months ago
Letterkenny Season 6 Episode 6 Yew!
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TVTranscript
00:01You were discussing critical space stuff with your pals the other day.
00:07How would you batch in space?
00:10With immaculate scare.
00:12Yeah, it'd go airborne if you didn't contain it.
00:15Depends on the length of the missions, I think.
00:17Like, if it's a pretty short missions, you can probably get away without mixing a batch up there.
00:21Maybe you can get away without mixing a batch.
00:24I mix one every night or I'm not sleeping.
00:26Kind of like how I need to take the shower, me at least up as I take the ships.
00:34You'd cone it.
00:37What?
00:38Each spaceman's given a cone to put over your junk for when you batch in space.
00:43You?
00:44So let's say you're in your space quarters, you lay on your back in your bunk,
00:49put the cone over your junk and fire one up.
00:53And since it's zero gravity, your batch would float up to the top of the cone and remain there.
01:02Why don't you do that?
01:03Each cadet's got a space disposal in their quarters, so we just throw it in there.
01:08That's what they do.
01:09The most important thing is to obstruct the space cam in your quarters so that the rest of the space cadets don't see you batching.
01:17I'd imagine they'd give you a few cones.
01:20Probably just stick one of those cones over the camera.
01:22Exactly.
01:25Clients?
01:27Yep.
01:30How did you acquire this knowledge?
01:33You remember when I took Angie down at Disney?
01:35Yeah.
01:36I was having drinks at a bar by Cape Canaveral and heard some cadets talking.
01:40Space cadets?
01:42Isn't Cape Canaveral a ways away from Disney?
01:46I saw it that far.
01:48Okay.
01:50So you're having a drink in Cape Canaveral and you overhear some cadets talking about mixing a batch up some space?
01:56Did I stutter?
01:58That's crazy. Things have happened, I guess.
02:02Is Bondars there?
02:03Roberta?
02:04Yeah.
02:05Roberta's Bondars.
02:07Neuroscientist.
02:09Canada's first female astronauts.
02:12Fucking legend.
02:13Roberta's Bondars.
02:15Yeah, Bondar was there.
02:16Nice.
02:17What about the other guy?
02:18What's his name?
02:19He just left, apparently.
02:21Wow.
02:22Rubbing shoulders with North America's finest space cadets.
02:25Is Bondar hammered?
02:26No.
02:27No, I've seen her crush a few old fashions, but she's actually sitting in a quiet corner by herself.
02:35I wonder why the other guys left.
02:37I don't have that information, Dan.
02:40Can you imagine if North America's finest space cadets went up some outer space together?
02:45Oh, they did.
02:46Cadets?
02:47Yep.
02:48Houston wanted them to go up there together again, too.
02:52Bondar didn't want to.
02:54Why not?
02:55I don't think you want to know.
02:57I'm sure as we do's.
03:07Look, Houston, hear this from me, alright?
03:10Alright.
03:11Jerry, alright?
03:12Alright.
03:13A lot of people don't know this, but those two weren't just North America's finest spacemen.
03:17They were actually planet Earth's finest space people.
03:20So, of course, Houston wanted them up there together as much as possible.
03:25Well, they only went up there together the one time.
03:27Yeah.
03:29Because Bondar didn't want to go up there with them again.
03:32Yeah.
03:34Okay.
03:35He was known as a bit of a guy's guy around the Kennedy Center.
03:38You know, we'd play pranks and stuff, and they'd just say, well, that's just him.
03:43Of course, Bondar was the more senior spaceman.
03:46Had a bit of a reputation for, like, kicking it old school.
03:50It's the old passions.
03:51So, she didn't have a lot of time for the whole boys of you boys mentality.
03:55Right.
03:56So, they finally shoehorned him up there together.
03:59Pulling full wells of oil and water.
04:02And I guess you could say he brewed them right.
04:06Well, space cadets really tell the tales out of school, eh?
04:09Yep.
04:11What happened next?
04:13So, each spaceman's got a space cam of their quarters,
04:17which are connected to the other spaceman's quarters,
04:20as well as the main shuttle bay and the saucer section,
04:23the two smaller bays than the star drive section.
04:27That'd be connected to the main bridge?
04:28Of course they are, dearie, fuck's sake.
04:30So, we're talking about an elite vessel here?
04:32NASA'd never send a ship up there if it wasn't galaxy-class.
04:35Well, you bet they wouldn't.
04:37Same with Elon Musk, but apparently Russia does it all the time.
04:42Fucking jokes start fleeting.
04:44So, what happened next?
04:45So, Bondar would be up in Alpha Quadrant,
04:48keeping the captain's log likely at the events.
04:51Yep.
04:52And they'd all just come out of a yeager loop.
04:55So, she was a bit worn out.
04:57Yeah, she wouldn't be at full bars.
04:58But, of course, there's Bondar still up there in Alpha,
05:01keeping an eye out for wormholes and whatnot.
05:04Yep.
05:05I guess there he'd be down there in Beta Quadrant,
05:07floating around the space quarters,
05:09which Bondar could see, so could Houston.
05:11I guess what he'd do is float off camera,
05:16pull his space pants down,
05:18grab his junk and a bunch in his hands.
05:21McDinkerball?
05:22For sake, dearie.
05:23This is hard enough to get through without you stepping all over his story, dearie.
05:28I'm sorry, good buddy.
05:29So, there he'd be, floating off camera.
05:32I guess what he'd do...
05:34Allegedly.
05:35According to the cadets,
05:37is dip just his junk back into frame.
05:41No.
05:42Apparently he did it all the time.
05:43Where's Houston in all this?
05:45Houston thought it was hilarious.
05:46But Bondar didn't?
05:47Nope.
05:48Bondar did not.
05:51Jesus Christ.
05:53Well, I guess then what he'd do,
05:55is he'd get on his comms.
05:56Allegedly.
05:57Just telling you what the cadets told me.
06:00He'd go, like...
06:02Shhh.
06:04Hey Bondar.
06:06Check out space cam six.
06:09No.
06:10Yep.
06:11Yep.
06:12Did she report them?
06:13Oh, she reported it.
06:14Did they slap sanctions on them?
06:16Yep.
06:17Yeah, he got jacked up.
06:19Good for Houston's.
06:20Mm-hmm.
06:22Of course, they were still supposed to be up there another two months together.
06:26Things only got worse.
06:28How?
06:29Remember what I was saying about the cone?
06:31Yep.
06:32I guess whenever it was Bondar's turn to clean Beta Quadrant,
06:36he would routinely batch and not cone it.
06:40Inexcusables.
06:41Well, I think Bondar would tell you that's an understatement.
06:44I think she would too.
06:46Now, she never expected to be floating around some spaceman's quarters
06:49trying to catch airborne ejaculate in a plastic vacuum bag
06:53when she signed up for space camp.
06:55No, and they only tell you about Omega particles in space camp.
06:58Mm-hmm.
06:59This went on for two more months.
07:00Oh, no way, Dan.
07:01Oh, you better believe Houston aborted the mission.
07:04Bondar had strict orders to Picard maneuver and warp 10 home.
07:09How many light years away were they?
07:11I was going to ask, but then the cadets know I was eavesdropping, so.
07:15Well, then what happened?
07:18So they'd bring Bondar in for top-secret meeting, airtight boardroom,
07:24pat-downs upon entry, no cell phones inside, and they said,
07:28well, what do you want to do here, Bondar?
07:32Well, that's some habit.
07:34Nope.
07:35Nope.
07:36Nope.
07:37You remember how I said she's old school?
07:38Yep.
07:39Bondar says to him, she says,
07:42I'm going to be down at the bar drinking old fashions.
07:46That guy's going to get what's coming to him.
07:49You fucking fuzzed yourself out of the boardroom.
07:53Didsy?
07:54Well, Dan.
07:56One of them's up in space doing space activities.
08:00The other one's at a bar by Disney drinking old fashions.
08:04That woman is a portrait of class.
08:11She always has been.
08:14God bless his Roberta's Bondars.
08:17Now, you can't be especially sure those were even real space cadets
08:22the bar by Kennedy that day on account of being so close to Disney.
08:26Could have just been playing pretend for cosplaying,
08:29like so many in that area like to do.
08:32But if they weren't over there spinning yarn,
08:36fucking Bondar for prime minister, right?
08:59Hello?
09:00Oui, hello.
09:01Do it.
09:02Stay now.
09:04Oh, come on.
09:05We talked about this.
09:06I told you Maribel had to see it and now she's here.
09:09Salut, Wayne.
09:10Alright.
09:11Fuser, sure you're laughing with me and not at me, eh?
09:14Absolutely not.
09:16Good enough.
09:17Is Katie there?
09:22Sup?
09:23Sup?
09:24Can you hold the camera for us?
09:25Sure.
09:26Oh, cos he's gotta do that thing for the second verse, right?
09:28Yep.
09:29The thing for the second verse is why we're here, lady.
09:32Gotcha.
09:33Oh, user Lockies.
09:34Caught me half-caught here, fuck.
09:36Importantly bizarre.
09:37Alright.
09:38Here goes.
09:39A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, G, G, K, L.
09:49GKL, M-N-O-P-Q-R, S-T-U-V-W, X-Y, C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-P-L.
09:57Je parlais bien alphabet.
10:00Je peux le répéter avec les yeux fermés.
10:04A-B-C-D-E-F, G-A-G-G-K-L, M-N-O-P-Q-R, S-T-U-V-W, X-Y, C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-P-L.
10:16Ah, bravo. Merci. Bye. Je t'aime.
10:24Things we do for love, eh, big brother?
10:26Well, it's a keeper if there ever was one, bud.
10:29You look like you're in a bad way over there, Derry.
10:31Yeah, I'm in a real bad way.
10:34Have a beer.
10:35I'm good.
10:36Oh, I don't need a beer either.
10:38I was actually thinking about a water.
10:41Oh, for all I have one.
10:42No one's driving, right?
10:43I'd have a beer.
10:44Gotta boy.
10:46What's the matter, Derry?
10:48I just...
10:48I haven't talked to Anik in a bit.
10:52I haven't seen Anik since a fortnight.
10:54A fortnight.
10:55Who the fuck are you?
10:56What you been up to, Derry?
10:58I don't know.
10:59I do.
11:00You do?
11:01Yeah, I've got Anik on Instagram.
11:03She has an Instagram?
11:04Airball!
11:04Derry, you don't know about Anik's Instagram?
11:09Katie, my butt cheeks are clenched up real tight right here,
11:12so whatever you're driving at, get after it.
11:14Okay.
11:14I love a girl who knows what she wants and gets it,
11:19and I love Anik.
11:21But her Instagram's...
11:24I mean, I love this too, but...
11:28It's skanky.
11:29Uh-oh.
11:30Little skank Sinatra?
11:32Little skank Zappa?
11:33Skank Ocean.
11:34I'll bother.
11:35What are we talking about here, little Tom skanks?
11:38Little skank Aaron?
11:39Skank Lindy Roosevelt.
11:40I see.
11:41Are your butt cheeks still clenched?
11:44Yes.
11:54Oh.
11:56That's a lot of likes.
11:58Well, life's a drive-thru, bud.
12:00Gotta just...
12:00Gotta just keep moving forward.
12:02So should...
12:04Should I do something?
12:06Well, she hasn't called you, and she's posting motherfucking sexy photos like three times a day,
12:14so perhaps...
12:17Wayne?
12:18Derry?
12:18What would you do if your gal had like a real racy Instagram account?
12:21Well, I haven't had to cross that bridge yet, good buddy, but...
12:24She'd be a shaky one.
12:26She'd be dangerous.
12:28She'd be Muay Thai high-lice.
12:30Take a night, big brother.
12:31Night, haven't I?
12:36Yee.
12:38Yee.
12:40Yee.
12:41Oh.
12:42The words of Scotty Wallace, yee!
12:45That's what I said.
12:46I said, yee!
12:47There's no way the photos can be that rigged.
12:50Yee!
12:51Holy fucking yee!
12:52Well, we are talking Y to the E to the W.
12:56Yee!
12:56I'm looking at yee!
12:58Come on, give me a big old yee, boy.
13:01All right, big brother.
13:02Let's get out of here.
13:03Where are we going?
13:04You're not going anywhere.
13:05Yeah, you stay here.
13:06We gotta go get...
13:07Got something sorted.
13:10Where is Scotty Wallace, anyways?
13:12He keeps poor company!
13:15Hey!
13:15You know, it's kind of suspicious.
13:19Two's of you's going off to someplace we're not allowed to go to.
13:24Kind of makes a feller wonder.
13:27I'm not gonna ask any questions.
13:30Because I'm pretty sure I'll find out.
13:33Sooner, rather, and later.
13:37Bad gas ripples fast in a small town.
13:40Hey, do you think that, like...
13:43Do other people in town know about a racy Instagram account?
13:46Well, Derry, we have previously established that bad gas does travel fast in a small town,
13:52but, uh...
13:53I do believe racy photos travel faster.
13:58Oh, I'm getting hammered.
13:59We're out of beers, bud.
14:00You come with me to Modine's?
14:01You don't have to ask me twice.
14:04Yeah!
14:18Oh, fuck, Derry.
14:20Where's Scotty Wallace?
14:21And you need a big ol' you!
14:23I'll stop the world and melt with you!
14:25New York, I love you!
14:26Looks like she's just not that into you!
14:30Bad gas travels faster in a small town, Sponsor.
14:32Sexy photos travel faster, boy.
14:34You!
14:35Which we have previously established.
14:37Derry, do you know how many dudes are jerking off to your girlfriend right now?
14:40You!
14:41Wait, I actually know the answer.
14:43You!
14:4416.1 thousand!
14:47You!
14:48I wailed on it before I got here, but I'd wail on it again.
14:51You!
14:52I'm just hammering on it, too.
14:54But, Derry, you!
14:55Scottie Wallace here?
14:59No, uh...
15:00I thought we were at Scottie Wallace.
15:02What's the kerfuffle?
15:04Daryl Sweetie's Instagram?
15:05You!
15:06Oh.
15:08I just jerked off to that.
15:10And I just jerked off to that.
15:11Jerked off what?
15:13Stuart is just saying that he jerked off to Daryl Sweetie's Instagram,
15:16and I was just saying that I jerked off to Stuart jerking off to Daryl Sweetie's Instagram.
15:21You're gay?
15:22Super gay!
15:23Yeah.
15:24Uh...
15:24Just, uh...
15:27I'm not.
15:29I said before the start,
15:31very beginning,
15:32you're one of them types that's...
15:36I love my wife, and...
15:38You're a good enough guy.
15:43I ain't one of you!
15:47Where were you, Gail?
15:49Jerking off to Daryl Sweetie's Instagram.
15:53I'm allowed to run to you!
15:56That's what I said.
15:57I said you!
15:58Scottie Wallace said you!
16:00Where's Scottie Wallace?
16:02He keeps poor companies.
16:05He's always good for a Y-E-W.
16:08Somebody better tie my dick to my leg, Boisey.
16:11Tie my dick while you're at it.
16:14I can't fucking believe your budget for this thing.
16:26Well, you can't take it with you, can you?
16:27A big spender.
16:28Well, you've never seen a hearse pulling a money truck, have you?
16:31Do you mind if I wear a lead blueprint dress to this thing?
16:34I've got one burning a hole in my closet.
16:35You've got to hear this.
16:42Hello!
16:44What's up, Zach?
16:46Mary Fred, what's that big cat running around Africa with all the spots on it?
16:49A leopard.
16:51Yeah, and what's that fish bear sight catching in the streams?
16:54Um, salmon?
16:56Yeah, what do you like in your ice cream bars?
16:59Almonds.
17:00Howdy, girl.
17:02You're driving up tonight, eh?
17:04Yeah.
17:04All right, well, go easy, lead foot.
17:06Okay.
17:08Sit there.
17:10Oh, my God, get cuter.
17:13I didn't say the fucking words right.
17:14Right.
17:15Not that I have it all in my damn self.
17:16Well, ready?
17:18Yep.
17:19Pitter-patter.
17:20Well, I've been able to get a hold of you for about a week.
17:47It seems that everybody in letter can. He's jerks.
17:49Jerks don't deserve your time.
17:51Well, best I didn't say the word.
17:53Look, I won't be coming around anymore.
17:55I wanted to tell you face to face.
17:57Well, why? Because your Instagram famous now?
17:59No.
18:00Because I heard that doesn't have much of a shelf life, according to Buzzfeed.
18:03You're too clingy, Daryl.
18:05You need to learn to give a girl space.
18:07Oh, bother.
18:09And I'm working things out with Jean-Claude.
18:11I was impulsive in leaving him.
18:13Especially how I did.
18:15I got cold feet.
18:17We are none of us perfect.
18:19Oh, boy.
18:23Does Jean-Claude know about your racy Instagram photos?
18:27Love is trust.
18:29Well, now's a hell of a time to be rockin' the piss.
18:45She comes by, says all them personal things, thinking yous are alone, but nope.
18:55No, I was here the whole time.
18:57I heards everythings.
18:59So, hey.
19:01Maybe now you can enjoy her racy Instagrams like the rest of us, you know?
19:07Without personal feelings or insecurities seeping throughs, cause...
19:13You know.
19:15Cause...
19:17Well.
19:18Well.
19:19Well.
19:20Here we go now.
19:21Here we go now.
19:22Well.
19:23Well.
19:24Well.
19:25Well.
19:26Here we go now.
19:27Here we go now.
19:28Here we go now.
19:29Here we go now.
19:30Here we go now.
19:32Here we go now.
19:34Here we go now.
19:35Here we go now.
19:59Riomas, quemas, am I?
20:00Here we go now.
20:02I heard.
20:19Bad guy travels fast in the small towns.
20:22I love that girl, Derry, but it's for the best.
20:26What's for the best?
20:27Derry and his gal.
20:29It's gangsta alone?
20:30So Daryl's single?
20:34Wanna dance?
20:38He's a silver lion.
20:46What are you looking at?
20:48Gary's egg-sweeties Instagrams.
20:51Check out this one's hot off the presses.
20:53Well, I know what Scotty Wallace would say, he'd say,
20:56Yeah, I'm just gonna say that, though.
20:58We're gonna say you!
21:00You!
21:01Oh, Scotty Wallace.
21:03He keeps poor compromise.
21:05What do you mean?
21:09You!
21:10Go, Scotty Wallace.
21:16Get in the air!
21:19Get us a 90- sensitivity.
21:21Go!
21:23Go!
21:24Go!
21:24Go!
21:29Go!
21:29Go!
21:30Go!
21:30Go!
21:31Go!
21:32Go!
21:32Go!
21:32Go!
21:33Go!
21:34Go!
21:34Go!
21:34Go!
21:35Go!
21:37Go!
21:37I got a ticket.
21:48Shocker, Leadfoot.
21:50Well, you just talked yourself out of sudden, dark breath.
21:57I got a question for you.
22:02Ask me inside.
22:05It's cold.
22:07It's cold.
22:09It's cold.
22:11But it's cold.
22:15It's cold.
22:22I got a ticket.
22:28I got a ticket.
22:32I got a ticket.
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