- 9 months ago
Letterkenny Season 6 Episode 1 What Could Be So Urgent-
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01A fucking crossfitter gave you the stink eye flipping tires down the street trying to look hard.
00:07Buddy, you're softer than a Cinnabon sampler.
00:10You kissed your friend's older sister once, you taste like fisherman friends.
00:13And you've buttered your corn to that memory ever since.
00:16You woke up with your horn looking out the window, but you gotta be at work in 20s.
00:20What's now or never?
00:23Oh, I should say.
00:25You're all excited that the Leafs are doing betters and alls,
00:27but if they think you're paying a buck twenty for upper bowl seats, they can suck my bad cock.
00:32You ripped a game of buck, Hunter, so fucking immaculate that bar's brought you in through the kitchen ever since.
00:37Your gal likes going for long drives chit-chatting around town like gas ain't a buck forty,
00:42with zero regard for the amount of lawns you gotta mow to fill the cocksucker.
00:46Your pals squeezed into the same section of a revolving door behind you one time,
00:50and you're still pals, but like, you're not about to sit beside them at a fucking campfire.
00:56Diving Pete says his new gal looks like a young Shania Twain's,
01:00and you just don't have the timbits to tell him that she looks more like Post Malone's fuck Dion Phaneufs.
01:05You know, it's tits up for your ball team when the opposing pitchers got arms so big
01:10you could throw a cotton ball over a barn.
01:12You knew your pal would come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios,
01:16like he was above cranking them open with a box cutter like the rest of us.
01:19You're pretty sweet on your new gal, but if she forgets to close the third door of your truck before the passenger door one more time,
01:26it's fucking over, I've had it.
01:28You caught a whiff of a gal that smelled like campfire smokes,
01:32and that shit's got you stiff as a week old Slim Jims.
01:35Your friend's dad gets mad sometimes, he hollers fuck, but doesn't pronounce CK at the end, he's so squirrely,
01:41so it sounds more like fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
01:45And I think that's pretty fucking funny.
01:48You guys drink too much.
01:50Said buddy with a bloody nose from Hoover and Schneef off a sandy beach towel.
01:56Say, what have you been up to?
01:58Rap gang, I'm Fire Marshal Mathers.
02:01Well, let's hear it.
02:02Motherfucking pussy bitch still on my hind tit, licking less lit clit shit.
02:07Whoa.
02:08Whoa.
02:09Whoa.
02:10Whoa.
02:11Got the streets a-bubbling.
02:13Where's Stuart?
02:14Your pal added comic relief to your sister catching a line,
02:20driving the womanhood at softball by saying,
02:23right in the twiffer.
02:24Still not laughing.
02:26Twiffer.
02:27It's a bad look if I'm not smoking hot.
02:32At least I'm smoking pot.
02:34You can say with confidence the hockey players are still a couple dumb fucks,
02:38because now after a goal they go holler,
02:40He shoots, he's Scott.
02:41He shoots, he's Scott.
02:42He shoots, he's Scott.
02:43So there that is.
02:45Crosby, Scott.
02:46McDavid, Scott.
02:47Any more wisdoms while we gotchas?
02:49Yes.
02:50A, B, C, always B, lifting.
02:54Also, road games.
02:56Sometimes there are two buddies to a room, but there's only one bed.
03:00Golden rule.
03:01Golden rule.
03:02You can sleep hole to hole.
03:04And hole to hole.
03:06But you can't sleep hole to hole.
03:11You put the dumb in wisdom, don't you?
03:14You and your sister were bickering.
03:15We spat about, I don't know what.
03:17When she said,
03:18I could argue till the cows come home.
03:20You pointed at them in the yard and at the kitchen windows.
03:22Fuck, let's not let supper get cold.
03:24Twiffer.
03:26Still, not laughing.
03:31Fuckin' inbreds.
03:32Inbred hot chili peppers.
03:34Washington inbred skins.
03:35Cincinnati inbreds.
03:37Inbred riding hood.
03:38Inbred lobster.
03:40Can we get this rig rollin'?
03:42Inbreddy, set, go.
03:56...
04:14...
04:16...
04:20...
04:22What's the boy to do if I'll never be a gangster?
04:41Anger in his heart, but I'll never be a gangster.
04:46If you move into his neighborhood, he'll never make a sound.
04:52What's the boy to do if I'll never be a gangster?
05:06Sing it from his heart, but he'll never be a gangster.
05:12If you move into his neighborhood, he'll never make a sound.
05:15If you move into his neighborhood, he'll never make a sound.
05:17Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
06:47No note for a round, so who play, merci.
06:53You were going to bend my ear?
06:54She was being a bit of a cow, eh?
06:57I see.
06:57So, anywho, McMurray told me that he was at the airport one time, and he seen a dude in the washroom at the urinal, and he was working his iPad while he...
07:07Pissed?
07:08...rocked one, yeah.
07:09You can say it, just don't make a habit of it.
07:11It's exercise 10-4.
07:12The dude was at the airport with his iPad on top of the urinal, and he was working on it while he rocked one?
07:18Can confirm.
07:19What could be so urgent?
07:21That's what I said.
07:21I said, what could be so urgent?
07:23Oh, my gosh.
07:25But then I said, like, who is this nutsack?
07:28Who does this nutsack think he is?
07:30Here's the thing I'm going to tell you.
07:32Now I've really come land, sea, and air at this over time, there's only one thing that could be so urgent.
07:39Checking in first flight?
07:41Hard no.
07:42A lot of airlines overbook their flights anticipating no-shows, and if you don't check in, you're hooped.
07:47But still, to be at the airport, at the urinal, on your iPad, with your...
07:53Dick out?
07:54Your horn, yeah.
07:56Dick.
07:56Won't make a habit of it.
07:57Merci.
07:58To be at the airport, at the urinal, on your iPad, with your dick out, there's got to be more at stake than a missed flight.
08:06Have you ever missed a flight?
08:07No.
08:08Me neither.
08:09Okay.
08:09Bet it sucks, though.
08:10Still, airport, iPad, urinal, dick out.
08:17Like, let's get real here.
08:18You get real.
08:19You get real.
08:20The dude's important.
08:22Or he's got someone really important to answer to if his iPad work and wait till after he rocked one.
08:28Big time.
08:29What's he putting into the iPad is what I want to know.
08:32A little help?
08:33A little help.
08:34I know what he's putting in the iPad.
08:35I can tell you what he's putting in the iPad.
08:37Here's who he's putting in the iPad.
08:39The codes.
08:42The codes?
08:44Those codes.
08:45That's the thing that could be so urgent.
08:47That's the one thing that could be so urgent.
08:50What a goof.
08:51To be at the airport, at the urinal, with your iPad and your dick out.
08:56Silly.
08:57This nutsack is one in a chain of commanding political figures with access to the codes to greenlight a nuclear strike.
09:06That's who he is.
09:07And he had to get his portion of the codes in immediately so that the warheads could take flight.
09:13Why is he firing the warhead?
09:14Well, someone would have had to fire a warhead first, right?
09:18You know, if I'm that dude at the airport, my dick out, working on my iPad, I mean, the whole fucking world's at stake.
09:24There's multiple warheads?
09:25Both sides would have to have warheads in the air or projectiles if it's nuclear war, yes.
09:32Those are some stakes.
09:34What else could be so urgent?
09:36Not much else could be so urgent.
09:37So the other three in the political chain of command had already entered their portion of the codes, and they just needed, we'll call him Gary, to enter his portion of the codes.
09:48Hmm.
09:49What?
09:50I wonder how Gary's working it.
09:52What are we talking about here, like the iPad or the horn?
09:55Both.
09:56Both?
09:57Curious as to whether he had one hand on his horn and one on the iPad, because if he's missing hands-free, then he'd get the codes typed in much faster.
10:06Oh, way faster.
10:07At least twice as fast.
10:09Yeah, and he's in a hurry, for sure, because of the codes.
10:12Yeah.
10:15Jean-Claude.
10:17Ton frère.
10:20C'est ça.
10:23Et lui, c'est mon cousine.
10:26Jean-Lance.
10:27Bonjour.
10:28Bonjour.
10:30Jean-Claude.
10:31Bonjour.
10:32Bonjour.
10:33Jean-Lance.
10:34Bonjour.
10:35Bonjour.
10:35Bonjour.
10:39Go sit down and drink your beer.
10:43What if I don't?
10:46Wouldn't I have to put my beer down?
10:48I don't have to put my beer down.
10:50I don't have to put my beer down.
10:50I don't have to put my beer down.
10:51I don't have to put my beer down.
10:51I don't have to put my beer down.
10:52I don't have to put my beer down.
10:53I don't have to put my beer down.
10:53I don't have to put my beer down.
10:54I don't have to put my beer down.
10:54I don't have to put my beer down.
10:55I don't have to put my beer down.
10:56I don't have to put my beer down.
10:57I don't have to put my beer down.
10:58I don't have to put my beer down.
10:59I don't have to put my beer down.
11:00I don't have to put my beer down.
11:01I don't have to put my beer down.
11:02I don't have to put my beer down.
11:03Transcription by CastingWords
11:33CastingWords
12:03CastingWords
12:05CastingWords
12:09He's gots a semi.
12:10Uh-uh.
12:11Yeah, don't lie down for a nap on the couch,
12:13but that's a pillow for your lap.
12:14Uh-uh.
12:15Probably didn't want me walking in here
12:17seeing you all half-torque like that.
12:19No.
12:19Yeah, probably no fun for the dog
12:21to have to climb over your thicksies
12:22just to give you a kiss in the face.
12:25All right.
12:26Come on, girl.
12:27Why don't we go?
12:28Let's leave the half-blood prince
12:29to his little sleeps.
12:39Good nap?
12:43Great nap.
12:44Nap with me?
12:44Well, I just kind of had a nap.
12:49Then we don't need to sleep.
12:53Okay.
12:54Sure we can't convince you guys
13:06to sign with the summer squad?
13:08I got a pen you can borrow.
13:09You know the one.
13:10Take my writing utensil.
13:12We got a big hole up the center
13:14and it needs to be filled.
13:15Back end's tight,
13:16but we need to be deeper up front.
13:18Let's talk depth.
13:19Show you a thing or two.
13:20Join our energy line.
13:22Keep those fucking feet moving.
13:23I'm so fucking serious right now.
13:25Taxi.
13:26Bronzy.
13:26How about all the tail around here, boys?
13:29Late June rush at the gym ski.
13:30It's all the college and uni kids
13:32home for the summer.
13:33Home to work there.
13:34Summer jobs.
13:36I got a job you can work.
13:37Let's fucking do it.
13:38Getting's going to be good
13:39for a couple of months, Freda.
13:41Summer's as good as time for getting.
13:42Getting's about to get got.
13:44Get it?
13:45Got it.
13:45Good.
13:46What say we make it interesting?
13:49Oh, it's already interesting.
13:51Jesus.
13:52I'll say it, boys.
13:53I'll say it.
13:55Jerk off right here.
13:56It's for the fucking God.
13:58But tell me,
13:58are you two looking to fall in love
14:00or just fall in the sack?
14:02Buddy, sack.
14:03Not so.
14:05Then you're falling more times than us?
14:08Fall in the sack?
14:09Yeah.
14:10With girls?
14:11Duh.
14:11Like, can we take down more babes than you?
14:14Can you take down more babes
14:15than we can take down dudes?
14:16I'm going to jerk off right here
14:18as for the fucking Christ.
14:20Buddy, no contest.
14:21Save your money, boys.
14:23But aren't you guys, like, married, though?
14:24We just wanted to buy a house.
14:26Tax breaks there.
14:27We still smash all sorts of ass.
14:30Never smashed so much ass in my life.
14:33Cool.
14:34Cool.
14:34So fucking cool.
14:36But you're confident you smash more?
14:38Girls?
14:38Duh.
14:40Absolutely.
14:40First of all,
14:42there are not that many gay dudes
14:43in Letter County.
14:44You'd be surprised.
14:45Small town kids
14:47going to school in the big city.
14:49Out of the small town,
14:50out of the closet, boys.
14:52And second,
14:53we get, like,
14:55takedowns.
14:58Sometimes,
14:59wake up in the morning,
15:00and it's just, like,
15:02start having a takedown.
15:03It's been, like,
15:04a handful of times, actually,
15:06you know,
15:06where I have to take a good look in the mirror.
15:09About takedowns.
15:10Sometimes,
15:12you're in the middle of a takedown,
15:14thoughts creep in.
15:16So we got a deal?
15:18Yeah, deal.
15:18Total.
15:19Cool.
15:20Our total takedown tally
15:21versus your total takedown tally.
15:24Deal.
15:24What do the winners get?
15:26Case of beer.
15:26Case of beer.
15:27Love a case of beer?
15:28Deal.
15:29Case of beer.
15:30Here's to the opening
15:31gay ceremonies, boys.
15:32All right, boys,
15:33in for the ceremonial fuck drop?
15:35I know a good horn section
15:37for the event.
15:38Why don't you just give a little two?
15:39Why don't you just give a little blast?
15:41I'm gonna have sex with some girls!
15:44Baaaaaah!
15:45Baaaaaah!
15:57Bonnie?
15:58Wayne?
15:59Hi there.
16:00Hi there.
16:01I'll have the pinot noil, please.
16:03Is that what you'll take then?
16:05Not a good look, Bonnie.
16:07Beer?
16:07Please and thank you.
16:15She was being a bit of a cow, eh?
16:17That's McMurray's sister.
16:19She comes by it honestly.
16:20She's pretty.
16:22Oh, she's a lovely girl.
16:23For the most part.
16:25So much pity hostility
16:26between English and French.
16:28That's a bit obnoxious, isn't it?
16:29I'm glad we agree on that.
16:31As long as we can also agree
16:32that French toast
16:33is a waste of time.
16:34So our English muffins...
16:36There you go.
16:42I was thinking about the dude
16:44McMurray saw at the airport.
16:45There's lots unpacked there, eh?
16:47You're Gary.
16:48Mm-hmm.
16:48You're one of the four.
16:49Mm-hmm.
16:50Your secretary calls
16:51and says the country needs the codes.
16:55You wouldn't be a secretary.
16:57Huh?
16:57You'd be one of the other three.
16:59I think you're right.
17:01I'm for sure right.
17:02The other three wouldn't likely
17:03trust Gary's secretary
17:04with news of incoming projectiles.
17:06Mary Fred, you don't trust
17:07the fucking secretary
17:08with the projectiles.
17:10The secretary wouldn't have been sworn in
17:11like the other government officials.
17:13Who knows who the secretary's working for?
17:15The secretary could be working for anybody.
17:17There'd be protocol in place.
17:19It would be in writing.
17:20That information would be so classified.
17:22You know how classified
17:23that information would be?
17:25Super classified?
17:26One tier up.
17:27It'd be ultra classified.
17:29Say so.
17:30Do you know what?
17:30I'm just going to come right out
17:31and say it here.
17:32If I'm one of the four,
17:34I get that information
17:35from the horse's mouth
17:36or you're not getting the codes.
17:38You want to take about 20% off?
17:41Yeah, I'd take about 20% off her.
17:43So, you're Gary.
17:46Mm-hmm.
17:46One of the other three
17:47commanding government officials
17:48says we need the codes.
17:50Mm-hmm.
17:50Stat.
17:51Mm-hmm.
17:52This is it, Gary.
17:54Nuclear war.
17:55Jesus Christ.
17:56It's nuclear war.
17:58What do you do?
18:04Well, I miss myself.
18:05Bingo.
18:06Well, I'd have to go
18:07at the very least.
18:08Of course you would.
18:09I don't know if I'd be able
18:10to hold it,
18:10but I'd be saying,
18:11whoa, you better fucking
18:14hold on to her.
18:15It's an appropriate
18:16physical response
18:17when you use them
18:17becoming warheads.
18:18It'd be alarming.
18:20Well, let's not forget,
18:22you're Gary.
18:23Yeah.
18:24Yeah, you got responsibilities
18:25if you're Gary.
18:26You've got the codes.
18:27All countries counting
18:28on here for Gary.
18:30Women and children.
18:32The elderly.
18:33So, you're Gary.
18:35You get the call
18:36for the codes.
18:37Say, holy shit.
18:38You'd say, holy shit.
18:39I'm going to piss myself.
18:40But it's nuclear war.
18:42Despite nuclear war,
18:44all this at stake,
18:46Gary's still pissing
18:48while he puts in the codes.
18:50I don't know what.
18:55What?
18:57Washroom had to have
18:58been right there.
18:59It had to have been
18:59right there.
19:00He might have already
19:01been in the washroom.
19:02I think he was
19:03already in there.
19:04You're Gary.
19:05You're in the washroom.
19:06Get the call.
19:07Need the codes.
19:08Trying to piss myself.
19:09And he got his iPad
19:10out as fast
19:11as he got his dick out?
19:13He was for sure
19:13already in the washroom.
19:15Might have already
19:16been on the iPad.
19:17Well, that solves it.
19:19It was a convenience
19:20thing then.
19:22You're Gary.
19:22You're in the washroom.
19:24You get the call.
19:24Need the codes.
19:25Well, I can get you
19:26the codes.
19:27But I'm going to
19:27piss myself.
19:28And he got the codes
19:29in but didn't
19:30piss himself because
19:31he was already
19:33in the washroom.
19:35Jesus Christ,
19:36the world could use
19:37a couple more Gary's.
19:39I think we've
19:39sleuthed it out,
19:40partner.
19:41Bless you for
19:42trying on sleuth.
19:43But, uh, yeah.
19:44I think we have
19:45sleuthed it out,
19:46partner.
19:47How's your French
19:48coming?
19:48Well, mon français
19:50était très mauvais.
19:52Maintenant, mon français
19:54est mauvais.
20:03The only thing is,
20:05we'd know there was
20:06a nuclear strike
20:07that was intercepted
20:08like it'd be in the news.
20:10Oh, come on.
20:12That many projectiles
20:13in the air?
20:14Let's get it real here.
20:16We're heads or not,
20:17we'd know about it
20:18like we'd know
20:19it happened.
20:19Yeah.
20:21Government wouldn't
20:21want us to know,
20:22but someone would leak it.
20:24I'm looking at
20:24the secretary.
20:27Beer for you, Wayne.
20:28Thank you, Bonnie.
20:29And a pinot noir
20:30for our...
20:31Too French.
20:37Bonnie.
20:38Why don't you go sit down
20:40and drink your wine?
20:43What if I don't?
20:45Then I'd have to
20:46put my wine down.
20:47It's bush party season, boys.
21:04Tis the season.
21:05Season's greetings.
21:07You know, I'm gonna go
21:08make some Caesars
21:09with the girls
21:10and get geared up
21:10for a gooder.
21:11Ooh, I'd have a Caesar.
21:13You can't really see a Caesar
21:14and not want a Caesar.
21:15That's actually
21:16how they market Caesars.
21:29Wayne.
21:31Derry.
21:32I've been here
21:33about something.
21:34What are you, Bender?
21:35Good one.
21:36Burn her from a cow.
21:37I know it's impolite,
21:38guess and tell,
21:39but I wouldn't say
21:40that's universal
21:41but, okay.
21:48Two nice girls.
21:49Yeah, two nice girls.
21:53You ever thrown
21:54so much hip in your life?
22:03Two nice girls?
22:05Yeah, two nice girls.
22:06I've never thrown
22:07so much hip in my life.
22:09How much hip are we talking?
22:12Talking like
22:13I'll be halfway
22:13through a bowl of cereal
22:15and...
22:16Yep.
22:16Oh, yeah.
22:17Oh, man.
22:18Same for you?
22:19Oh, yeah.
22:20Is that right?
22:26Between us girls?
22:27Of course.
22:28Between us girls.
22:31I feel like we met.
22:33I punched in.
22:35I've been punched out.
22:36Ask you something?
22:38Of course, good buddy.
22:39I feel like you're
22:40getting made better at it.
22:42I feel like I'm
22:43getting a lot better at it.
22:44Me too.
22:46Like, I kind of feel
22:46like I was a bit of a novice
22:48with the whole thing before.
22:51I feel that way, too.
22:53I feel like with some
22:53of the gals
22:54that I've done some
22:55yesin' with in the past,
22:57they might have thought,
22:58this guy's a dabbler.
22:59Darry, that's exactly
23:00how I feel.
23:02Like, I feel like
23:02they might have seen me
23:03as a hopeful
23:04at the very least.
23:06Like, maybe I was just
23:07apprenticing at the time.
23:11I kind of feel like
23:12I might be a bit
23:13of a headliner now.
23:14Really?
23:15What are we talking,
23:16like, large theaters
23:16or stadiums?
23:19Well,
23:20large theaters
23:21for the time being.
23:22But, like,
23:23if you keep going
23:24at the rate you're going,
23:25you'll be destined
23:25for, like,
23:27bigger venues.
23:27For venues, yeah.
23:28Yeah.
23:29That's exactly how I feel.
23:30That's how I feel, too.
23:32Who wants a Caesar?
23:34Why'd I have a Caesar?
23:36Can't see a Caesar?
23:37No, I want a Caesar.
23:38That's actually
23:39how they market Caesars.
23:43Is Stuart gonna DJ
23:44this push party?
23:45I don't know what,
23:45I didn't see that
23:46fucking nutsack
23:47in the longest time.
23:50I wonder where
23:51he's off to.
23:57I don't know.
24:27Hold into my brain, I'll cry to you
24:33I'll see you left inside you
24:36I have to go
25:06I have to go
25:36I have to go
26:06I have to go
26:16I have to go
Comments