- 8 months ago
Letterkenny Season 3 Episode 5 The Battle for Bonnie McMurray
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00:01You were crushing Gus and Brew with your pals the other day.
00:05How'd a round of Gus and Brew, Gaylor?
00:10Awww!
00:13Bonnie McMurray.
00:16Thank you, Bonnie.
00:18No problem, mate.
00:20How are you now?
00:21Good, and you?
00:22Oh, not so bad.
00:23Bottoms up, Super Chieftains.
00:30I'll go have a peek.
00:35You can break the seal.
00:37We're gonna go beat the piss out of the little fella.
00:40Butterfly, Dan.
00:41You old porcelain painter, get the fuck out of here.
00:43Porcelain Punisher scale.
00:45You got a big number one on deck there, big shooter?
00:48Go squirt Lil' Kurt.
00:49Go rock one, Dan.
00:51AMF Murination Station, get the fuck out of here.
00:54Alright, so I'm gonna make yous all prouds down by the yellow pond.
00:57Yep, I will.
00:59Whoa, Dad.
01:00Hey, Dad.
01:01Hey, Dad.
01:02There you are, Dad.
01:03Dad!
01:04Hey, Dad!
01:05Who's Dad?
01:06You are, Dad!
01:08Why?
01:09What's use here?
01:11Only Dads grunt like that when they stand up.
01:14Or sit down.
01:15Or come.
01:16Over to move the furniture, get the fuck out of here.
01:20That was a textbook Dad noise, Dan.
01:23You guys have all been eating too many sugar cereals.
01:26Don't!
01:27Cause if you wanna...
01:29I haven't had too much sugar cereal.
01:32Sit back down, Dan.
01:34Why, Miss Katie?
01:35Just do it.
01:36Okay.
01:37How are you now, Dad?
01:40You mean you had a crossover guy, Dad.
01:41Up north for some father-son fishing, Dad.
01:43Don't get the kids all riled up before bed, Dad.
01:44Okay, now to be fair.
01:45To be fair.
01:46To be fair.
01:47To be fair.
01:48To be fair.
01:49To be fair.
01:51To be fair.
01:52To be fair.
01:53To be fair.
01:54Lots of people met sounds when they stand up and sit down, not just dads.
02:05No, it's mostly just dads.
02:07You want to go toss around the pigskin there, dad?
02:09You please drive us to the water park, dad.
02:11Let's go back to Disney World, dad. Can we, can we, can we please?
02:14Fuck out of here.
02:15All right, what's about moms?
02:17No, moms would never do that. Moms don't want to age themselves.
02:21Dads don't care, though.
02:22Fuck no, dads don't give a care.
02:24It's like, hey, hon, better go clean up those lawn clippings.
02:27All right.
02:29Guess I'll watch state play later.
02:32It's like, hey, hon, I'm going to scoot off to book club there.
02:35Can you watch Bella and Edward?
02:37All right.
02:39Just not feeling the dreams, PBR.
02:42It's like, hey, babe, I think we should take a vacation without the kids.
02:47Sure, Karen.
02:48Because I can use more financial stress.
02:52Derek, I'm going to Fantasia party with the girls.
02:55Can you unload the dishwasher?
02:57Of course, Susan.
02:59I guess I'm jerking off again tonight.
03:02Music's hilarious.
03:04All my friends are smart, Alex.
03:06All my friends are smart, Alex.
03:08My friends are smart, Alex.
03:10Yes, I'm jerking off again tonight.
03:13Well, see, like, not all dad noise is a bad dad noise.
03:16It's all like maybe sometimes mom might say, hey, hon, kids gone away camping for the weekend.
03:21Why don't we do some toe curling?
03:23And then dad might lean into a real Tony the Tiger dad noise like, great.
03:29Sure thing, Bonnie.
03:43See you soon.
03:44What's the frequency, Kenneth?
03:53Bonnie McMurray has invited us to a hot tub party.
03:58Well, who doesn't love a hot tub party?
04:00Derry?
04:01I would love to go to a hot tub party at Bonnie McMurray's.
04:06Daniel?
04:08I wouldn't miss Bonnie's hot tub party for the world.
04:11These two should take a deep breath.
04:13That's a good way to get hemorrhoids.
04:14Yeah, that or sitting on a cold surface.
04:17Now, that's an old wives' tale.
04:18No, it isn't.
04:19Yes, it is.
04:19No, it isn't.
04:20Figure it out.
04:21It ain't mine!
04:22Get these guys a fucking puffer's.
04:25You heard me say it, because I heard me say it, and I know you heard me say it.
04:29I'm sweet on Bonnie McMurray.
04:32Oh, yeah?
04:32And how's that working out for you, big shooter?
04:35What's the problem?
04:36Bonnie McMurray.
04:38You're both sweet on Bonnie McMurray?
04:40Yes.
04:41You know, I have had a busy winter, but I might toss my hat in the ring there, too.
04:45Did she just do a pot today?
04:47Yes.
04:47No.
04:48Why?
04:49Well, she's a bit young, isn't she?
04:53Well, she's 20.
04:55Well, I'm only...
04:56Doesn't matter.
04:57I'm just...
04:58Don't care.
04:59She's mine!
05:00Well, she's a pretty girl.
05:02It's just...
05:02Could let the paint dry a wee bit there, eh?
05:07I'll tell you what, Dan.
05:11What?
05:12Derry?
05:13Let's let her decide.
05:16It's always her decision.
05:19The battle for Bonnie McMurray begins.
05:23Do you know Spurns can stay alive in Hot Tudson?
05:39How are you now?
05:40It's not us.
05:42That's bad.
05:43Did you hear me, Shirtucker?
05:45All the clown costumes, the petty vandalism around Letterkenny.
05:48It's not us.
05:49I've not heard about it.
05:50It mustn't be so bad.
05:51Remember when I said it was petty?
05:53See, we've had our hands full with D-gens from upcountry.
05:56Okay, you do you, boo.
05:59I'll take care of this.
06:00Over and out.
06:04Is that true of us, Spurns and Hot Tudson?
06:06No.
06:06But the writers of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could have kind of run with that if they
06:12wanted to.
06:17Roll with?
06:18Stuart?
06:19How long have we been originally in ESG?
06:21Two hours Contra.
06:22Two hours Ninja Dating.
06:23Two hours Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
06:25Two hours Simon's Quest.
06:26Two hours Mega Man 2.
06:29Ten hours?
06:30Ish.
06:30Yeah.
06:32There's heat on fuck you.
06:33After our most recent ruckus, it's best we nest.
06:37You should stop.
06:38No.
06:39No.
06:39Pff.
06:41What do you mean, pff?
06:42Pff.
06:43I know what you mean.
06:44No, we don't stop gaming.
06:45No?
06:46Pff.
06:46Did I stutter?
06:47Pff.
06:48No, you did not.
06:49Too much left to delve.
06:51Now, I'm not complaining, but these games are between 20 and 30 years old.
06:56You're not...
06:59Bored.
07:00Far from blasé.
07:02Wondrous.
07:04What's next?
07:05We haven't even ransacked the sports games yet.
07:08Guilty pleasures.
07:10Pleasures no less.
07:11Tecmo Super Bowl.
07:13Oh.
07:13Punch-up.
07:14Oh.
07:15Hoops.
07:16Oh.
07:16Excite-a-bike.
07:17Oh.
07:19Blades of Steel.
07:20Oh.
07:21American Gladiators.
07:22Oh.
07:23California Games.
07:24Oh.
07:25But after that...
07:26And he's open?
07:27He's lost a computer when he passed.
07:29He's lost a paper boy.
07:31No, let's do something else.
07:35Do you guys like dancing?
07:40Fuck it.
07:41Let's go.
07:42Oh, mate.
07:43You're not going anywhere.
07:47Smells like feet in here, right?
07:52Players only meeting.
07:57Players only meeting, FURTA.
07:59Now, we're close, boys.
08:01We're going to get that W, but there's still some spring cleaning to take care of before this team comes together.
08:07Some housekeeping, FURTA.
08:08Now, to truly come together as a team and get W's, order must be established.
08:15In order to establish order, we must implement fines.
08:19Riley will be your commissioner.
08:23Jonesy will be co-commissioner, plus your treasurer.
08:27I'll be collecting fines, boys.
08:29Give your balls a tug, you tipfuck.
08:31Shorzy!
08:33Bring me to fine number one.
08:36Boys, I wake up in the middle of the night dry heaving at the amount of bush in this room.
08:42We thought tummy stick hedgehogs were extinct, boys.
08:46Shave your fucking junk hair, boys.
08:49Disgusting, boys.
08:51And Shorzy is the guiltiest of them all.
08:54Riley will be your bush inspector.
08:58And Jonesy will be your associate bush inspector.
09:02Plus, Jim Bush.
09:04Now, we were really hard on you guys last year before we were bush inspector, associate bush inspector, and GM of Bush, so...
09:12We're appointing Bartz as senior director of bush operations.
09:16Appointing Yorkie, senior scout in charge of bush development.
09:20First fine goes to Shorzy!
09:22Fuck your entire fucking life, bud!
09:25From now on, $20 fine every game in Pracky till she's shaved down to the wood.
09:31As bald as a teenage mutant ninja turtle, Shorzy!
09:35Tipfucker!
09:38On to the second order of business.
09:43Boomtown, there are certain things that stand directly in the way of a team coming together.
09:49There are certain things that stand in the way of W's, buddy.
09:53And if you truly want this team to come together?
09:56And if you want this team to get W's...
09:59We're gonna need to see your junk, buddy.
10:02Don't feel bad.
10:04There are junk hiders on every team.
10:07But I think I speak for the entire room when I say,
10:10What are you hiding down there, bud?
10:13Something weird going on down there, bud?
10:15Again, don't feel bad.
10:18I mean, some teams have guys that don't even shower after Pracky, which is worse than Bush.
10:24But we see you face the wall in the room when your junk's out.
10:28And you face the wall in the shower when your junk's out.
10:32You've seen my junk.
10:34Let's see your junk, buddy.
10:35Pull it out, buddy.
10:36Whip it out, buddy.
10:37Let's have a look at your junk.
10:39Unsheathed, bro.
10:40You ever got into someone's car and your wet sun trunks had to turn on the seat warmers?
10:52No.
10:54Kind of makes you feel like you peed.
10:55You know, big brother, that's almost not worth talking about.
10:59Or now.
11:00Woo!
11:03Oh, great!
11:05Well, there's fucking Tony the Tiger.
11:07Hey, Dad.
11:09You know what?
11:09I've got bigger fish to fly today.
11:16Hey, buddy.
11:18Hi, Bobby.
11:19Hi, Link.
11:20How are you now?
11:21Good, you?
11:22That's good.
11:23Any good dad noises all the way in?
11:25No.
11:25You know what?
11:26We really got all the personalities on display in this hot tub.
11:29Like what?
11:31Well, you got the guy who sits with his chin in the water.
11:34Sure you do.
11:35And you got the guy who sits with his shoulders out.
11:37Sure you do.
11:38And you got the guy who takes up two to three times more real estate than everybody else
11:42because they're just, like, putting the vibe out there.
11:46Sure you do.
11:47And, of course, you got your edge sitter.
11:49That's me, Wayne.
11:50What's your story over there, Hans?
11:56I'm the guy who keeps his hands dry so he can still dig out and light smokes.
12:00What if it's an outdoor hot tub?
12:02Don't your hands get cold?
12:03I'm also the guy who would never admit that sort of thing.
12:07What about you keep one hand out of the water and dig out smokes and I'll keep one hand out of the water so I can light them.
12:14More hands make less work.
12:16You're all right, Rosie.
12:21So, Bonnie, what are you looking for in a guy?
12:26I don't really have a type, I don't think.
12:28Okay, but if you had to choose between someone who was more big and hairy versus somebody who's a lot less big and hairy but more pale, which way are you leaning towards there?
12:43Like, like, muscly big?
12:46Yeah, muscly big.
12:48That's generous.
12:50Look, they're in there somewhere.
12:51And I like hairy versus, like, groomed or manscaped, but how hairy?
12:57I can grow a beard.
12:58Like, can too.
13:00Cannot.
13:01Can too.
13:02Cannot.
13:02Can too.
13:03I can always shave my beard, easy peasy, or even get a haircut.
13:07Let's take about 80% off her over there, squirly down.
13:10Yeah, sure.
13:11Hey, look, bubbles.
13:12Bonnie, what are you looking for in a relationship?
13:15I kind of like being single right now.
13:18Humor me.
13:19I don't know.
13:20I've never really been in love.
13:22Okay, let's get this vault rolling.
13:25Wayne, Rosie, what's the key to making this look so good?
13:29Space.
13:30Like, distance?
13:31Not distance.
13:33Although distance makes the heart grow fonder.
13:35Just space.
13:37Because they don't want to get, like, sick with each other.
13:40Sick with each other.
13:42Example.
13:43I like to read a lot.
13:46I like to stay in and read.
13:48It's not easy telling a guy you don't want to see him because you want to stay in and read.
13:52Let's test this, Derry.
13:54Derry.
13:56Say you asked Bonnie McMurray out on a date and she says?
14:01I'm going to stay in and read.
14:04Is she up to something?
14:05Damn.
14:05Oh, she's definitely up to something.
14:07Wayne.
14:08Must be a pretty good book.
14:10Must be like...
14:12The Road.
14:16No.
14:17Still suspicious of that.
14:19Yeah, wouldn't that make you wary?
14:22No reason not to trust her until she gets you one, bud.
14:26You know, Bonnie, I had my first girl phase around your age.
14:30Hmm.
14:33Hmm.
14:33Let's see it, bud.
14:46There's something weird going on there, bud.
14:52Boom!
14:53Twenty dollar fine!
14:56Fisky.
14:59What?
15:01What?
15:01Oh, I don't know what kind of pre-type, sub-amateur, hour, teenage mutant, ninja fucking turtles organizations you guys have played for in the past, but don't step on the logo.
15:13It's straight fucking.
15:16It's basic.
15:17Don't step on the logo.
15:20Live for the logo.
15:21Respect the logo.
15:25Fisky.
15:27Then why is it on the floor?
15:28That brings me to my next point.
15:30Your jerseys.
15:32Oh, yeah, buddy.
15:34You should call the sweater, buddy.
15:35Don Cherry's orders.
15:36Don Cherry, buddy.
15:39Your sweater never, ever touches the floor.
15:43Hang up the sweater.
15:45Live for the sweater.
15:47Respect the sweater.
15:50Boomtown.
15:51You're not off the hook, bud.
15:53You want us to trust you?
15:54You want this team to come together?
15:56You want a fucking W?
15:58Yeah.
15:59Then we're gonna need to see your junk, buddy.
16:01Let's see your junk, buddy.
16:05Okay.
16:06You know what?
16:07Team exercise?
16:08Yeah.
16:09Team exercise.
16:10All right, boys.
16:10Everybody up.
16:12Trousers down.
16:13Junk's out, boys.
16:14Let's help a teammate.
16:16Junk's out, boys.
16:16Junk's out, boys.
16:16Junk's out, boys.
16:16Junk's out, boys.
16:16Junk's out, boys.
16:17Junk's out, boys.
16:19Junk's out, boys.
16:19Junk's out, boys.
16:21Junk's out, boys.
16:25Is someone on the ice, buddy?
16:42That's our ice, buddy.
16:47Don't move, pheasants.
16:49So, Bonnie, what does a guy have to do to get your attention?
16:55I don't know.
16:57Make me laugh, I guess?
16:59Turn off the bubbles.
17:07Hey, Bonnie, have you ever seen a cane from beneath the sea?
17:11No.
17:13Have now.
17:14That was well brought up.
17:23Too bad you weren't.
17:25Derry actually stole my joke there.
17:27But luck is for you, Bonnies, I'm very funnies, and I have lots of jokes.
17:32Okay.
17:33Hey, Bonnies, what's another word for champagne?
17:36Um, oh, bubbly.
17:40If you say so.
17:41Got a rich in her life.
17:52You're funny, Katie.
17:54That was funny, Dan.
17:56It was almost as funny as the first time that I heard it.
17:59You shouldn't fart in front of girls.
18:01That was my joke, Dan.
18:03You stole my joke, didn't you?
18:08Don't you interrupt me.
18:10I swear I will stop it right now.
18:17That says good.
18:18Dan, now, please, and thank you.
18:22Not so funny, are you now, Derry?
18:25How's that book coming along?
18:27I miss that book.
18:29Did you hear they're still searching for the Loch Ness monster?
18:31Oh, she's migrated.
18:40Funny, I thought these were Oga Koga waters.
18:44Guess they are.
18:45Don't make me come over there, Dan, because I swore you to...
18:49You do that one more time.
18:51Just wake at me again.
18:54I swore you, Daniel.
18:57Dippee-dee-tony, you picture fartin' and tellin' you're gold.
19:07Are those jets on auto-timer, Bonnie?
19:10No.
19:11Did you press the button again, Katie?
19:13Hart, no.
19:15Over and in.
19:18Who's that?
19:19What's that?
19:20Tannis.
19:20What's a Tannis?
19:22Well, aren't you a little bundle of sass?
19:24You better watch your little tongue before I flick you like my womanhood.
19:28Did your balls drop, finally, Skiddo?
19:32You a little fur on your nutsack?
19:34Because that is the only logic I can think of behind why you chodes would terrorize this
19:39whole town, knowing that Wayne would think it was us.
19:43Although I am a self-admitted glutton for punishment, it never crossed my mind.
19:50I will wipe that smirk off your face like Pixie Dust over there wipes your little asshole.
19:56Just once!
19:57Hey!
19:57What?
19:58No, you were passed out!
20:00I said stop it!
20:01That was just the wrong one.
20:02All right, I need to get to the bottom of this first.
20:04What do you like, hang out with these losers?
20:07Which losers?
20:08Peter Pan and Tinkerbell.
20:10They're giving you drugs, aren't they?
20:12What makes them losers?
20:13Trust me, Tart, you don't want me to answer that.
20:16Tart?
20:17That's what I said.
20:19Tart.
20:21Intriguing.
20:22What is?
20:23A little psychology at work here.
20:24Yeah, fucking right.
20:26It's called intimidation.
20:27No, it isn't.
20:29It's called projection.
20:31Okay, it didn't take me very long to realize I don't like you.
20:35My mother's a psychologist.
20:37Okay.
20:37You harbor guilt over your promiscuous impulses, so you call me a tarp.
20:41That's projection of the sexual feelings you're attempting to hide.
20:45Poorly.
20:47For who?
20:48For Stuart.
20:49You like Stuart?
20:50No!
20:51And you two.
20:53You call my friend Rold here Tinkerbell and Pixie Dust because you're uncomfortable with
20:58your own sexualities.
20:59His open homosexuality makes you feel even more uncomfortable.
21:03That actually kind of makes sense.
21:06No, it doesn't.
21:07Yours kind of makes sense.
21:08No, it doesn't.
21:10Let's try an exercise.
21:13Hug Rold.
21:14See how it makes you feel.
21:17You might be surprised.
21:18No.
21:19No.
21:20Rold.
21:21Help them out.
21:22Encourage them.
21:24Like I hug them?
21:26A big hug.
21:28Maybe in the middle?
21:30It may be distressing at first, but you owe it to yourselves to try.
21:37You could be so happy.
21:42We should try to, Tennis.
21:46I'm mourning you, Skiddle.
21:47One from Pluto base.
21:49Whoa.
21:50Second warning.
21:51The Eagles fired from an alien ship.
21:55All right.
21:55Do damage, boys.
21:57Let's go.
22:17We at all.
22:19Tart.
22:22I'll be back.
22:33Oh!
22:34You're the best, gay!
22:35Artistry!
22:37Virtuosity!
22:38An undocked dismantlement of the decrepit.
22:41Fucking A.
22:41Was all that true?
22:44Is everyone really a psychologist?
22:45Yes, she is.
22:47And we're going home.
22:51Gay?
22:51Yes.
22:51Yes.
22:52Tyson!
23:05Joint boy?
23:06You guys can play.
23:08Boys.
23:09Hockey's 5% mental, and 5% B mental.
23:13I'm also just mental.
23:14Still not sure that's PC, buddy, but...
23:17That's great.
23:19I'm gonna play.
23:19I'm gonna play.
23:22Buddy, we spent the entire season trying to bring the team together.
23:27Get W's, buddy.
23:29But maybe the entire time, we just needed to add some dirt, buddy.
23:35A little sandpaper fur.
23:41Boys, how would you guys like to play for the letter Kenny Irish?
23:45How would you boys like to get a fucking W?
23:49I'm no stud, but I can sure as hell make some room out there for you boys.
23:53I'm dog shit.
23:54I could beat the fuck under 95% of the population on Earth.
23:58Real snipe selling, boys!
24:02Follow us.
24:02Go.
24:07Please.
24:08What's going on here, boys?
24:16Is this a hazing ritual?
24:25Broom town.
24:28Okay.
24:30Modest.
24:31Nothing weird going on.
24:32No weird J-hook, Ferda.
24:34No mutant bobblehead turtleneck.
24:36No weird long snowed anteater.
24:39No disfiguration or discoloration, Ferda.
24:42Healthy.
24:44It's modest.
24:45Great dick, boom town.
24:48Boom town.
24:49You just helped this team come together, buddy.
24:53You feel good about that.
24:55These guys are going to help us get that W.
25:04If, boom town, is that okay with you?
25:09Boom town.
25:12Let's do this, boys!
25:13Hey!
25:14Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
25:17Put your junk away, boys.
25:19We didn't sign up for a sword fight, boys.
25:21It's gross.
25:24Well, congratulations, D-gens.
25:27Your jokes just cost us company.
25:31Rosie did say she was missing her book.
25:33Yeah, she up to something.
25:34She's up to something.
25:35And, regardless, full transparency, Bonnie, you have a number of interested parties in here.
25:44I've gathered that.
25:46So, where do your interests lie?
25:50Well, Daryl.
25:52No!
25:54You're muscly big.
25:56Yeah.
25:57That's generous.
25:59Kind of.
26:00Dan?
26:01No!
26:01Or Harry, which I like more than groomed or manscaped.
26:07And I can always shave my beard.
26:10And Katie?
26:11No!
26:13You make me laugh.
26:15And we haven't even started tickling yet.
26:18But, I like being single.
26:21No!
26:25Because then, you can fool around with whoever you want and not get in trouble from anyone.
26:31I'll be in trouble.
26:33I'll be in trouble.
26:35I'll be in trouble.
26:37I'll be in big trouble.
26:51You do.
26:53Wayne?
26:54Yeah?
26:55Thanks for not turning the seat warmers on in your truck.
26:59Kind of makes you feel...
27:00Like you peed?
27:02Yeah.
27:02Yeah.
27:03That was fun.
27:05Yeah.
27:06And funny.
27:07I didn't want to admit it because there's...
27:10Such a thing isn't inappropriate?
27:12Yeah.
27:13Yeah.
27:14Thank you for a wonderful day.
27:18Will you be reading tonight?
27:21Yeah.
27:22Yeah.
27:24I hope you'll enjoy your book.
27:33After we make some dad noises?
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