Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 16 Traffic Ticket
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00:00Until you're finished with your first, but as soon as anybody's fork leaves the perimeter of their plate, all bets are off.
00:30It's mine!
01:00You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. And you're not so big. Life is unfair.
01:19You're all set, Mrs. Gunderburth. Remember, this is the one you take orally.
01:24Stop pushing me!
01:27Ow! Stop it!
01:30Hey guys, my shift is over in five minutes, then we head over to the barber college.
01:34Why can't we go to a real barber?
01:36Because I like to support education. Besides, it's free.
01:40Are they gonna take my hand and plant an evil Dewey?
01:44Honey, we've already had this talk. Every word that comes out of Reese's mouth is a lie. Remember?
01:52Okay, go look at some magazines. And anything you break comes out of your allowance!
01:58We don't get an allowance!
01:59Yeah, now you know why!
02:01I'm gonna ask the barber to shave this side totally off and leave the other side long.
02:07You know, a style for each profile. A different look for both my moods.
02:18How's it going?
02:19Not bad. Five minutes I get my soul back for the night. And you?
02:22Can't complain.
02:24That's, uh, $6.24.
02:28Uh, I'm... I'm sorry, what?
02:31Your total is, uh, $6.24.
02:37Uh, is there a problem?
02:38No, it's just that, uh, your assistant manager and I, we have an arrangement.
02:45I wouldn't know anything about that.
02:51I've only got $3.
02:53Well, you can put back the magazine.
02:56Lois? Lois?
02:58I give Officer Stockton a discount.
03:01You know, policeman's discount, 100% off.
03:05Craig, I can't do that!
03:07But Lois...
03:08Don't worry about it. That's okay, Greg.
03:10It's Craig.
03:14What are you, crazy?
03:15Don't you know how this works?
03:17We scratch his back, he scratches ours.
03:19We give him a few candy bars, he looks out for us.
03:22It's called protection.
03:24Craig, we have been robbed five times in the last six months.
03:29Lois, think of all the places he gets free stuff from.
03:33He can't be everywhere at once.
03:40Mom, seriously, I'm not letting that kid with two fingers cut my hair again.
03:47That's all you need to use scissors, and you be polite.
03:51Those people are nervous enough as it is.
03:56Oh, what?
03:57I didn't do anything.
03:59Make a run for it, Mom. We can be on the news.
04:02All right, you boys, not a word out of any of you.
04:04No one makes piggy sounds, no one says they smell bacon,
04:07and no one claims to be kidnapped.
04:12You!
04:14License and registration, please.
04:16What's this all about?
04:17You impeded traffic.
04:19When you pulled out, that Volkswagen had to slam on its brakes.
04:22What Volkswagen? I looked over my left when I pulled out.
04:25There was no car.
04:27License and registration, ma'am.
04:29All right, don't think I don't know what this is all about.
04:34It's because I made you pay for that iced tea.
04:36Oh, was that you?
04:41Now, if you just sit tight, I got to do some paperwork, run a computer check.
04:46It may take a little while. The computer's kind of slow.
04:48Yeah, well, knock yourself out. My record is clean.
04:52There is no way I have 16 unpaid parking tickets.
04:56The computer's wrong.
04:59You are not getting away with this.
05:04Hey, Mom, is this a bad time to tell you I got kicked out of shop class?
05:08I mean, it seems impale in comparison.
05:11Chin up, Lois. I'll make sure the boys get home.
05:14I'll wait for you.
05:15I want you boys to behave for Craig.
05:19And Dewey, don't be frightened.
05:22Mama's gonna be okay.
05:24Can you turn on your siren?
05:26Sure.
05:28Yay!
05:37Come on, honey. You gotta admit, it was kinda sexy.
05:41Me having to bail you out of jail?
05:45Well, it was sexy for me.
05:48Oh, yeah, Hal. It was a real turn-on sitting there, wondering how my children were doing,
05:53what horrible things are going through their heads knowing that their mother is sitting in jail.
05:58Hey, Mom, did you get tattooed?
06:00I don't understand. How can we get 16 parking tickets and not even know about it?
06:07Mom, just calm down.
06:09I was in jail, Francis. Jail. All because you didn't pay your parking tickets. How could you have gotten 16 parking tickets?
06:20It's not my fault. You keep me stuck here. When I come home, I have so much living to do, I don't have time to look for legal parking.
06:26You listen, mister. Your irresponsible behavior has finally caught up with you and you are gonna suffer the consequences. You are paying those parking tickets!
06:37You know, Mom, jail has really hardened you.
06:40I'm serious, Francis. You are paying us back that money for those tickets plus $145 to get the car out of impound. That means you owe us $747.13.
06:50This is totally unfair. None of this would have happened if you weren't such a reckless driver.
06:58Excuse me?
07:00When I parked too close to a mailbox, I didn't endanger anybody's life.
07:04I didn't endanger anyone. I was pulled over by a corrupt cop for a traffic violation that I didn't commit.
07:10Oh, but when I tell you I've been framed by the police, you sent me to military school. Ironic, isn't it?
07:16That cop was out to get me. Of course he was. Everyone's out to get you. And the neighbor's cat's the ringleader. Didn't you know that?
07:25You can laugh all you want, Francis. But until you come up with the money, you are not coming home.
07:32Where am I supposed to get $700? You're just using this as an excuse to keep me here.
07:39Yeah, that's right. It was the cat's idea.
07:41Mom, there's no way Francis can come up with that kind of money.
07:47Which is what he should have thought of before he did that bad, bad thing.
07:55Honey, don't worry about a thing. Everything's gonna be fine.
07:58Francis will think of something. I hear they've made traffic school really fun.
08:03They have cooking traffic school, bowling traffic school. Remember when I took that comedy traffic school?
08:09I mean, God, that was hilarious.
08:12A rabbi, a priest, and a minister come to a four-way stop.
08:15I am not taking traffic school.
08:18Honey, if you don't take traffic school, you'll get a point in your license.
08:22I'm not getting a point in my license because I'm taking this to court.
08:26I did nothing wrong and I've got three eyewitnesses to prove it.
08:30They saw exactly what happened.
08:32Why?
08:46Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!
08:54Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey. Dewey, Dewey, Dewey.
09:01You ready, Mom?
09:02You ready, Mom?
09:03See, Hal? It's a clear case of entrapment.
09:06The cop doesn't get his free iced tea so he trumps up a cockamamie ticket.
09:11Well, we're gonna fight this.
09:13Honey, let's think about this a second.
09:15You know it's gonna be your word against his, and judges usually side with the police.
09:19Yeah, that's what he's counting on.
09:21That's why he thinks he can get away with lying.
09:24Well, I'm not gonna let him, because I know I'm right.
09:27I know that, honey, but what if something does go wrong?
09:31I mean, I'm not sure we can afford the bump in the insurance.
09:34I am not gonna lose. I'm in the right, and I'll find a way to prove it.
09:38Okay. Okay. If that's what you want to do, you have our total support.
09:45Just remember, Mom, in a world of lies, truth is your only weapon.
09:50What? It's not?
10:02Howdy, ma'am. How was jail?
10:05Fine, thank you. Shouldn't you be out planning drugs on someone?
10:10Yes, I was planning to go do that right after I pay full price for my iced tea.
10:17I'm fighting the ticket, you know.
10:20Well, and I look forward to seeing you in court.
10:23Drive safely.
10:25Whenever you get your car back.
10:34There is no way that cop could have seen me pull out.
10:40Yeah.
10:41Mom, great news.
10:42Francis, I'm a little busy here.
10:44Okay, here it is. I just sent you $20. Good faith money.
10:48Great. Only 727 more before you can come home.
10:52What?
10:53Princess, I am not gonna let you weasel out of your responsibility.
10:56Because of you, we are down to one car until your father's next paycheck.
11:00Now, you either come up with the money, or you don't come home.
11:03Mom, it's impossible. I'm in school. When I'm not in school, I have homework.
11:08When I'm not doing homework, I'm in detention.
11:11If I'm lucky, I have six hours free a week.
11:14At minimum wage, I wouldn't be able to make it home until Thanksgiving 2010.
11:19You bring the yams.
11:28You'll find the money.
11:31Hey, do you know where Craig is?
11:33Your assistant manager, big guy, smells like cabbage.
11:38Thanks.
11:40Uh-uh. It's not there. Keep looking. Lower.
11:48Craig, Mom said you can give me your right to study group.
11:52Sure, sure.
11:54What are you doing?
11:56I was, uh, uh, reviewing some old security tapes.
12:01Uh, you know, looking for a pattern, see if anyone was case in the joint.
12:05You can't be too careful.
12:07Hey, that girl's stealing something.
12:09Oh, I... I didn't notice that.
12:13Uh, I'd better review her other tapes then.
12:26Wait. Are there cameras all over this place?
12:29Oh, yeah. They're everywhere. Uh, pharmacy, ATM, the bathroom.
12:34Uh, yep. Lot of cameras.
12:36Is there one in the parking lot?
12:41Whoa!
12:42What is it?
12:43That girl dropped a can under her car.
12:46Sorry.
12:50Wait! Stop! There's our van!
13:03She did it.
13:04She's guilty.
13:08Mom's... wrong.
13:19Oh, my God!
13:22Mom's wrong.
13:23My whole world view is shaking.
13:25I know. This is amazing.
13:28We have to go show it to her.
13:29Wait.
13:30Maybe we should save it for the next time Mom yells at us?
13:33Then spring it on her.
13:35No, I think it's better fresh.
13:36Okay, let's go.
13:37Wait.
13:38We need to keep a straight face.
13:40Okay.
13:41Okay.
13:43I'm ready.
13:45No, I'm not.
13:46Stop smiling.
13:48Come on.
13:49Get out.
13:51Hey, honey.
13:53God, it's been a great day.
13:54The fire alarm went off during the morning meeting, and I got the last Snickers out of the vending machine.
14:02I did not think it was going to fall, but then I gave it a little hip check. Boom!
14:06Who is Susan King?
14:12Hmm?
14:15Susan King.
14:16Uh, hmm.
14:17Susan King.
14:18Give me a moment.
14:20Susan...
14:22Alright, before I say anything, do you know already, or are you really asking?
14:26She called today with some insurance quotes in case I get a point on my license.
14:30Why would she do that?
14:31It was nothing.
14:32I mean, I just gave her a little phone call.
14:34I'm curious about a few things.
14:36Oh, like what will happen if I lose?
14:38Well, yes, yes.
14:40I just wanted to find out what the worst case scenario might be.
14:43I mean, what if...
14:45There are no what ifs, Hal!
14:47You're right.
14:48You are right.
14:49Right.
14:50Okay.
14:51So, I mean, even if our insurance does go up and we can't afford two cars, we'll just sell one.
14:56I mean, you know, what did they do before cars?
14:58They, uh, they walked.
14:59So, we'll walk.
15:01You're expecting me to lose.
15:03Is this how you support me?
15:05I do support you.
15:07I'm just...
15:08I think we need to know what we're getting into here.
15:11I mean, I don't know.
15:13Is it actually worth all the trouble?
15:15Yes, Hal.
15:16I think standing up for myself is worth the trouble.
15:19I think refusing to be railroaded is worth the trouble.
15:23I know I can win this because I know I'm right.
15:27I can't believe you have so little faith in me.
15:30I have complete faith in you.
15:32It's the rest of the world that I don't have faith in.
15:36Things could look different to different people.
15:39The system can be corrupt.
15:41We wouldn't be in this situation if that weren't true.
15:43And sometimes, Lois, being right isn't enough.
15:47Being right is everything.
15:50I didn't do anything wrong, Hal, and I'm willing to fight to prove it.
15:54I know it's gonna be hard.
15:56But that's why the last thing I need is my own family undermining me.
16:00How many times do I have to tell you I'm right?
16:03I'm right!
16:04I swear on my children's lives!
16:07I am right!
16:09What do you want?
16:17Nothing.
16:19I can't believe you chickened out!
16:21Me!
16:22You're the one who disappeared!
16:23Oh, so now we're playing the blame game.
16:25Look, we know Mom is gonna freak out on whoever shows her the tape.
16:29Not it!
16:32Maybe someone can mail it to her anonymously?
16:34Not it!
16:35Okay, fine, but I'm gonna need to-
16:37Not it!
16:39Look, someone has to be the person-
16:41Not it!
16:42Who doesn't give it to her?
16:43I'm it!
16:44Ah!
16:46Oh.
16:48Let me get this straight.
16:50We each pay you $50, and you're gonna jump from the roof of the dorm to the roof of the gym on the school's riding lawnmower.
16:57Who's in?
16:58Are we talking with the bagger attachment?
17:01Are you crazy?
17:03You know what kind of drag that would create?
17:05I don't know.
17:06It just sounds too easy.
17:09Okay, okay.
17:10How about this?
17:11For five extra dollars, I'll do it blindfolded.
17:15Francis.
17:16Thumb.
17:17Give it some fun.
17:20Hello?
17:21Hey, Francis.
17:22You know Mom's traffic ticket?
17:24Well, I have a videotape, and it shows that Mom really was at fault, and-
17:28She was wrong?
17:30Yeah.
17:31And now I'm trying to figure out-
17:32What are you talking to me for?
17:34You have incontrovertible proof that Mom was wrong.
17:37Shove it in her face!
17:39Francis, I don't think that's a good idea.
17:41Are you kidding?
17:42It's brilliant.
17:43From now on, whenever she gets all high and mighty with us, we can just throw this back
17:48at her.
17:49Francis, I can't.
17:50If I show Mom this tape, she'll go crazy.
17:53And then she'll kill the messenger, which is me.
17:57You're asking me to commit suicide.
17:59And think of the look on her face!
18:11We thought it would be best if we showed it to you first.
18:15Well, I can't say that.
18:16I'm glad you did, but I guess you did the right thing.
18:19Someone should show it to her.
18:20Not it!
18:21Dad!
18:23Okay, but we need to ease her into this.
18:27Pick the right moment.
18:28This is a very delicate matter.
18:31Help!
18:32Oh!
18:34Come on, come on, come on.
18:41I swear that cop was following me on the way home.
18:45Oh, come on, Lois.
18:47I don't think he'd follow you.
18:48I'm sure he's got better things to do.
18:57What do you think you're doing here?
18:59My commander informed me that you made a request for my records.
19:03Which, of course, is your right, so I thought I'd take a drive over and deliver them to you
19:08myself.
19:10Nice house.
19:11Oh, don't you try to intimidate me!
19:14All I said was you have a nice house.
19:16First you followed me home and now you're making vague threats?
19:19Well, it's not gonna work.
19:21You are gonna be so sorry you messed with me!
19:25Have a nice evening, ma'am.
19:27You are going down, mister.
19:30You hear me?
19:31You are going down!
19:33I don't care how long it takes or how much money it costs!
19:36I'm gonna win because I am right!
19:39You are right!
19:47There's something you have to see.
19:49Now, honey, I'm sorry you had to see that, but it's best you found out now before it's too late.
20:05It's wrong.
20:06What?
20:07The tape is wrong.
20:08Dad!
20:09You heard your mother.
20:10The tape is wrong.
20:11Dad!
20:12You heard your mother.
20:13The tape is wrong.
20:14Dad!
20:15Dad!
20:16Dad!
20:17Dad!
20:18Dad!
20:19You heard your mother.
20:20The tape is a man!
20:22Honey?
20:23Look.
20:24I'm not stupid.
20:25I saw the tape, but it's wrong.
20:28I don't know how to explain it, but I know.
20:29I know.
20:30That tape is wrong.
20:31I believe you.
20:32No, you don't.
20:33What do you expect?
20:34I expect you to believe me.
20:35I'm not stupid.
20:36Oh, man!
20:37Honey?
20:38Honey?
20:39Look.
20:40I'm not stupid.
20:41I saw the tape.
20:42But it's wrong.
20:43I don't know how to explain it, but I know.
20:46I know.
20:47That tape is wrong.
20:49I believe you.
20:50No, you don't.
20:51What?
20:52What do you expect?
20:53I expect you to believe me!
20:56Lois, in the past 20 years, you have never admitted that you were wrong.
21:01And as far as I know, you never needed to.
21:04But the facts are right there in front of your eyes.
21:07And this time, you are wrong!
21:10And if you can't see that, well, that's just plain crazy!
21:14I am not crazy!
21:16The tape is wrong.
21:17It has to be.
21:19What?
21:20What are you saying?
21:21That someone doctored it?
21:22No!
21:23I...
21:24I know!
21:25I know!
21:26I know it wasn't doctored!
21:27I'm just saying that it's wrong!
21:29I know what happened!
21:31And I know that I'm right!
21:32Okay, honey, that may be.
21:34But me and the rest of the world tend to believe what we see.
21:38And everything is pointing to you being wrong.
21:42The universe is telling you to give up!
21:46It's time to let it go!
21:47Well...
21:48That's not fair!
22:01You know what's not fair, Lois?
22:03Having to be right all the time!
22:07That's a terrible burden!
22:09But...
22:10Wouldn't it be a relief just to...
22:12Let go!
22:17You want me to say that I'm wrong?
22:19Even when I know I'm right?
22:22Yes.
22:23Yes, that's exactly what I want.
22:24I know it doesn't happen very often, Lois.
22:28But you have been beaten.
22:30Let go.
22:31But I am right.
22:32Let go, honey.
22:33But I...
22:34Just once.
22:35Can you do that?
22:36Let go.
22:37That's it.
22:38Well, I'll see.
22:39Okay.
22:40Okay.
22:41Is that...
22:42Yeah.
22:43I...
22:44Was...
22:57Wrong.
22:58That's right.
23:03You see?
23:05I was...
23:08Wrong.
23:09That's right.
23:12You see, it's not so bad, huh?
23:16You'll go to traffic school, meet some nice people.
23:22Maybe you'll hear a couple good car jokes.
23:26Everything's going to be all right, okay?
23:31Everything's going to be all right.
23:33Oh, I am so proud of you.
23:38You are so great.
23:42You are so beautiful.
23:45You are so wrong.
23:50Look at this!
23:52How many times have I told you people don't leave the refrigerator open?
23:56You did it.
23:58Maybe I did.
24:01She's been like this all week.
24:04It's like her spirit's been broken.
24:06It's nice.
24:08Hi, Frances, about the money.
24:10Okay, look, I've raised $192, and if I can only...
24:14Look, Frances, I'm sorry I got so angry.
24:16Why don't you just use that money to come home next weekend?
24:20But...
24:20I gotta go to traffic school.
24:22Love you.
24:22Bye.
24:22Where's Lois?
24:35Did I miss her?
24:36Craig.
24:37You guys are not going to believe what I have.
24:40I have a surveillance arrangement with the manager of the mini-mart across the street.
24:45We exchange tapes in order to better understand the security needs of our customers.
24:49Short skirt windy day?
24:50That's code.
24:52Anywho, one of their cameras caught Lois from a different angle right before she got her ticket.
24:59See?
25:14Lois was right all along.
25:17This completely exonerates her.
25:19Isn't this great?
25:20What are you doing?
25:39You will never, ever tell her of this.
25:44But...
25:44Ever.
25:50Got it.
26:14Satisfied D 병 july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july july