Comedian Tim Dillon on The John DeBella Show

Beasley Digital

Transcript

00:00Tim Dillon is gonna be appearing it's his first time on the show good morning to you yeah thank

00:17you for having me I'm excited that's right that's quite all right well you know you're a you're a big

00:21man I mean yeah I mean you being excited could get fearful yeah well no no no for my health

00:27don't get too excited end up on the floor or for the rest of us yeah yeah you end up on the floor

00:32we ain't yeah well no it's it's uh I'm excited I've never been to helium before so it's first

00:36weekend in philly so let's see what happens have you this is your first weekend performing

00:42have you been to philly before I think my parents took me on a trip to show me the you know little

00:46rocky steps you know my white trash long island parents were like there's a lot of history in

00:51this city son and you know took me to see the steps and you know where my dad got in a bar fight

00:56in the 80s you know I'm like isn't there a bell he's like shut up you know this is

01:01some real long island vacation go to philadelphia you know that's a real historic long island trip

01:08hey you got out of the state for long island yeah yeah we went a bridge all our vacations were in a

01:14three hour radius so whatever history we could get to within three hours was it so how'd you like

01:19mr connecticut yeah it was great yeah it was great patterson new jersey was beautiful very exciting

01:25yeah so so where on the island are you from i'm from a little town called island park oh sure yeah

01:30it's a small it's on the south shore it's by the beach it was like a real mafia town back in the day

01:36a lot of bars my dad was a musician so he played you know really i come from a long line of very

01:40successful people and he played uh you know i played music in a lot of bars and my mother saw him

01:47and was like that's the guy for me you know because you know she was like he's gonna be

01:52famous you know and then that you know miss d miss d snyder by that much didn't happen but he played a

01:59lot of weddings a lot of long island weddings you know a lot of antoinettes got married listening to

02:05my father so that was good but rod stewart he did not become but you know it's fun now all right

02:14well i these guys have heard the story the town that he lives in you remember that story i've told

02:18about about the action house and seeing a lot led zeppelin in a bar yeah yeah that's where he lived

02:23yeah that town in the bar yeah that's that was my father led zeppelin i'm downplaying it actually i'm

02:29trying to be cool but he did do fine actually um yeah that's a town i grew up in it was like a fun

02:36town a lot of drugs right good food clams cocaine you know that's it i mean fun i

02:44enjoyed it and then nathan's is the nathan's nathan's is still there still got a hot dog you

02:49know there was a story once that the nathans had these like universal you know ketchup dispensers

02:55and mustard dispensers yeah and supposedly the hell's angels came in one time and yeah

02:59threw acid into them yeah all right it's what a great place to grow up you know isn't that a nice

03:04place what a great story the hell's angels put acid in the ketchup what is your town known for

03:12well um you may recall when the biker gang spiked all the condiments with psychedelic drugs that was

03:21us but listen it is a fun place to grow up you know did you go to school on long island i did i

03:28went to nassau community which is i'm still technically going i'm 33 because i never finished but

03:33i'm still you know you go there and uh it's the quote unquote one of the best community colleges in the

03:38country if you like going to school in an airplane hangar yeah it's disgusting you know you see the

03:45prison from the school and you know that they're doing better than you are like you see the actual

03:52correctional facility from the school and that was fun about nassau is the teachers don't pretend that

03:57it's anything like they're also angry that they are there all of them are trying to get out and

04:03trying to get other degrees and they've just ended up much like the students they've ended up there

04:08so they're just they're smoking cigarettes with you outside cursing that they're there it's a fun

04:15school no but not one person is happy to to be there now now let me get this straight you on top of

04:24being a stand-up comic yeah right you give new york city tours i used to oh you used to you don't do it

04:29anymore no i started making money at comedy but before i did that i was a tour guide on a double

04:34decker bus in new york all right so you were the guy up on top of the microphone i was a guy up on

04:37top of the microphone i said this is a great job there's no boss there's no oversight you can say

04:41whatever you want which is true i mean i would pass the empire state building and i wouldn't even say

04:45anything you know because i was like who cares really who cares and tourists would get really angry

04:51with me and i could do whatever i wanted i mean it was really crazy i mean we'd pass like a big

04:55mound i remember one day it was like me and you know just confused norwegians on the bus and it

05:02was like a big mound we were in traffic and they all wanted to see the 9-11 memorial and there was

05:05just like a big mound of like sculpted snow by central park i'm like that's it and they were like

05:10okay and i'm like it represents the coldness of the act you know and they were like what but

05:17what do they know who are they gonna complain to you know let's just get out have cheesecake and

05:24lead like so it was a great job for somebody who just kind of wanted to be funny and not factual

05:29so that's what i could do people would ask me all the time like where's little italy i'm like i told

05:34you yesterday i don't know i don't know why you're bothering me sometimes i wouldn't even give the tour

05:40i would just sit on the bus and go and talk on my cell phone and they'd be like are you going to

05:45tell us anything about the city i'm like it's the most famous city in the world the idea that i need

05:50to tell you anything about it is crazy it's crazy um yeah so there was there's a lot of complaints

05:58but no supervision no supervision is a fun job it's a fun job to have well you know what if you go to

06:05la you could pick it up again yeah but that's that city there's not like new york is it's actually

06:09cool uh la there's not what are you gonna do you know i mean la is just a disease you know

06:15there's i mean it's just la is one thing and one thing only it's just people trying to get famous

06:21but new york new york is a ton of history it really is a cool city and like sometimes i'd be into it i

06:26would i would talk about stuff what towards the end what i would try to do is because everything was

06:31so expensive in new york i would just try to make people feel bad about their lives on the tour bus by

06:37pointing out how expensive i'd be like that apartment is 20 million dollars you know and i'd

06:44be like they airdropped the they and this is true you would see like cranes taking 18 000 bathtubs

06:50and just putting them in the windows and you know people just get depressed on the bus and

06:54they would shift uncomfortably in their seats and that was fun towards the end so basically i was like

07:00an extension of the rich just bashing them every day the john de bella show these people have lost

07:07their minds philadelphia's classic rock 102.9 mgk

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