00:00Pardon my French, I'm feeling f**ked right now.
00:02You know because too much truth does not go down well in Bollywood.
00:05It's not your problem, fall apart.
00:10I think that it's a genetic flaw that we've inherited from our father is that
00:15you know you just say things as they are not the way people expect you to say them
00:19and I think the reason that you're so successful my love is because you have
00:22not inherited that exactly like me and Shaheen have and you are able to separate the two.
00:26You know because too much truth does not go down well in Bollywood.
00:30And we are living in a fake world full of appearances
00:34where people don't want you to say I'm not okay.
00:37It's all surface, they don't give a damn whether you are a cocaine addict,
00:41whether you have an alcohol problem, whether you're taking sleeping pills.
00:44As long as you look okay and you show up and your waist size is a certain
00:48you know circumference, it's all good because nobody cares what's happening on the inside.
00:53But I just want to go back to the day when my mother woke me up one afternoon and said,
00:58wake up Pooja, you have a sister and it was the 28th of November and
01:04my father called her from the hospital when Sony gave birth to you
01:08and it was a moment that I won't forget and people might look at us and say that oh
01:14your guys are a very dysfunctional family but I can assure you our dysfunctionality
01:17is far more functional than most of your functionality.
01:20And I do know that this is one girl who to be able to say that I'm not okay
01:27is such a relief and I remember you giving me this lesson when I was very
01:30young and I was coming back from Goa from a rave and it was New Year's Eve
01:37and everybody was feeling great revelry and I was feeling damn low in the middle of all.
01:42And I called him and I said that you know I'm feeling almost suicidal.
01:45I just want to walk into the ocean and never come back.
01:47What would be lost to mankind?
01:49So he said if you can say that, that means you're not going to do it.
01:52And then he said you remember Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall.
01:56Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
01:58I said yes.
02:00So he says Pooja then Humpty Dumpty falls down and then it's up to the king's horses
02:04and the king's men to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
02:07It's not your problem.
02:08Fall apart.
02:09So that's all I've continued to do all my life is fall apart and then pick up the pieces
02:14and then fall apart and pick up the pieces and then strangely you get more solid.
02:19And I think the Japanese have a term for this is when a piece of porcelain or something
02:23beautiful breaks.
02:25They actually fill the cracks with gold because they celebrate that brokenness.
02:30And I think that if we can all of my father's greatest work has been
02:37stuff that's come out of his brokenness supposedly.
02:39You know whether it's zakhum, whether it's taste of life, whether it was art,
02:43anything Saranj never came from comfortable places.
02:46And I think that today to sit here with this brave young lady who I know is going to be
02:53my go-to person when this man is not on the planet anymore.
02:56Only you.
02:57Because she's the only one who gives me that strength because she is one person who I can
03:02look at and say you know what Shaheen, pardon my French.
03:05I'm feeling right now.
03:07And she said it's okay.
03:09It's all good.
03:10It's all good because I feel the same.
03:12So it's good.
03:12And I've rambled but yeah I think that whether it was the spiral into alcoholism and
03:23melancholy is one of my greatest friends.
03:25I don't try to run from that.
03:27I think happiness is overrated.
03:29I think people bullshit all the time.
03:31They're miserable inside.
03:33So when I'm miserable I just say I am and the feeling goes away.
03:37So just say it loud.
03:39Internal bleeding is more dangerous.
03:40Even joy becomes a burden when you can't laugh.
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