How to deal with Anxiety? || Acharya Prashant (2024)

Acharya Prashant

Video Information: 22.06.2024, Vedant: Basics to Classics, Greater Noida   Context: How to deal with stress and anxiety?  Growing rate of depression amongst youngsters  How to better educate the youth?  What is right education? What is the solution to removing anxiety?  Music Credits: Milind Date ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Transcript

00:00Namaste, sir. My question is again kind of related in the context of suffering. You just

00:08said that tension shouldn't percolate beyond a point. And here, I'm in the United States,

00:13I live in Virginia. And here I see many kids, teenagers, 12 year, 13 year, 15 year olds,

00:21they have anxiety issues. And I see them popping anti-anxiety pills like anything. And even

00:28the doctors who they have consulted, they prescribe these pills openly. Now I understand

00:35that mental health is a spectrum and there are different kinds of help that a person

00:39might need, therapy or medication. But here, I see that problem as growing by leaps and

00:46bounds. Like even because of work stress, say I consult a therapist, the first thing

00:51that they would say is, yeah, pop a pill. Take this pill, take that pill, it will help

00:55you sleep well. So now these kids do that because their suffering feels very real to

01:00them. So how would you explain, even begin to explain such kids that, you know, it's

01:05not real. And they have a point within them that's untouched, when they're clearly not

01:11in the state to, they feel that they can't go on without these pills. So just wanted

01:16to understand if we can help such people. And there's a growing number here.

01:21Yes, it's not very complicated. It's all actually quite simple to understand. You see, you don't

01:30really have to convince them in the affirmative. You don't have to tell them that there exists

01:40a point within that the world cannot touch. Just have to stop educating them in the inverse

01:55kind of doctrines. See, the kid at 12 or 13 is yielding to anxiety and other sicknesses

02:14because for all these 13 years, he has been conditioned into believing that the world

02:25is everything. Right? That's not knowledge that comes with birth. That's something that

02:39the environment imposes on that kid. The world is everything. The world is everything.

02:47And if the kid has come to believe that the world is everything, how will there remain

02:53an untouched point within since the world is everything? Therefore, even the insides

03:00will be ruled by the world. Right? And the world as we know is quite fickle. And our

03:11real nature is stability or permanence. If you allow the world to rule here, then there

03:22arises a bewildering dichotomy. Your heart must be a place of serenity and stability.

03:33Whereas, if the world manages to penetrate your heart, your heart becomes a place of

03:42all kinds of fickleness, mobility, unpredictability, nothing trustworthy or dependable. It is this

03:55dichotomy that pushes you into stress, tension, anxiety and other related stuff that constitute

04:06the entire spectrum. It's not something that has happened at the age of 13. Continuously

04:17the kid was being told in ways, direct, indirect, subtle, gross, that the world means so much.

04:26The world means so much. Are you getting it? The dad was fulminating over some lost

04:43opportunity and licking his boss's boots and the kid was observing all that. What does

05:00that tell the kid? The world is everything. Just now I found dad shouting at mom and I

05:14found dad trying to somehow appease his boss. The dad is nobody. Dad is nobody. The world

05:27rules the father. So, the world is everything. Same with the mother. Same everywhere and

05:38same kind of content on the TV and on the internet. The world is everything. The world

05:45is everything. The kid enters the shopping mall or the supermarket and he finds that

05:56the whole spectacle is just so overwhelming that he is left with no space of his own.

06:10Every bit of his insights is occupied by the world. The world starts getting just too

06:20much respect from the kid, too much value. I have come to my teenage now. I am 13 and

06:36the world is everything. So, I must get a certain respect, value, regards from my peers. 13, 12,

06:4914. These are inflection points. The psyche changes because of hormonal stuff and the kid

06:58is saying, you know, I must be appreciated by my peers because the peers are everything and

07:05not everybody would be appreciated by the peers and not every time at least. And when you are

07:14not appreciated, then you lose not just your self-worth but the self itself because the world

07:25had managed to occupy your heart. Your heart breaks. The onus is on the parents and the

07:35teachers to never let the kid get indoctrinated in such a way. There must always be a healthy

07:43contempt for the world. I am not talking of turning the kid mannerless or free of all kind

07:56of etiquette. No, no. I am talking of a healthy contempt. The world should not allow to mean too

08:06much. It must only have the kind of value that it deserves to have, not beyond that.

08:22The mother should never say, I love you so much because you got the gold medal in athletics.

08:29Love is a thing of the heart. It cannot be allowed to depend on a worldly event. The kid

08:38may or may not have come first in the race. We know how athletics is. It's a matter of a fraction

08:52of a second. So, is the mother implying that the silver medal would have meant less love for the

09:03kid? The mother does not know because the mother herself is quite ignorant. She does not know what

09:10she has educated the kid in. She has told the kid that love is dependent on gold. Frankly, that's

09:20the way the mother also thinks of gold. When the husband gets her gold, the mother serves him love,

09:31whatever that love means. So, now the kid is being told you get the gold medal and I'll give you a

09:41special hug and a special dress or a new bicycle and the mother thinks that all this is motherly

09:51and loving. Not motherly, not loving. This is toxic and this was happening at the age of 7 or 8.

09:59The effects would show up 5 years later when the kid turns 12 or 13. Nothing specific has

10:06happened at 12 or 13. It was happening all the way. Are you getting it? Certain things are absolutes

10:17and they must remain absolute. If I love you, I love you. That's not conditional. Obviously, I

10:26want you to do well in athletics and in academics and in all other areas. But I will not say that,

10:32you know, I love you only if you earn so much or your grades exceed this mark.

10:42The fellow gains a lot of respect in the peer group because of the new pair of sneakers and

10:55you know these things mean a lot to teens and preteens. I wanted a pair of slip-ons and I went

11:05to one of these stores and there was this group of the ones who were just growing their facial hair,

11:1412-14 something and the way they were making their decisions, one would come wearing a

11:24particular pair and then there was a kind of plebiscite and the fellow was so concerned,

11:33actually afraid, he was looking into everybody's eyes. Do I have your approval? And then one stud,

11:44smarty, would suddenly take over and say, dude, you look like something. Some fictional character,

11:53don't even know what they relate to. Here you look like this and now the decision is made,

12:00the deal is done. So that's the way they are trained to mentally operate. Now tomorrow some

12:14other pair of shoes and he is ostracized by his community and he comes home totally crestfallen.

12:25The parents won't even appreciate the magnitude of the havoc, but his entire world has come

12:34crashing down and at that age, you know, girls also start meaning something to boys and to girls,

12:43boys start meaning something, especially if a girl has thrown a wicked glance,

12:48some kind of a snide one at the shoes, the fellow would remain in depression for,

13:01I am not trying to trivialize the whole thing, but these things happen and they are very important,

13:08they have to be addressed and the parents must address these things. Son, your worth is not

13:15decided by a pair of shoes. He has to be actively told that because the world and the advertisers

13:22and the shoemakers, what are they trying to impress on the kid? The more expensive your shoe,

13:30the greater is your worth. That's what the whole capitalist consumerist economy is trying to mold

13:41your kid into. He will measure his self-worth by the price tag of the shirt and the shoe and the

13:48mug and whatever else he carries and uses.

13:57So, this is what is the essence of spirituality. Spirituality is not really about

14:06sacred verses and that and that. It's not that, it's not about that. I'm saying it's beyond that.

14:14It's about that and then it's something beyond the verses.

14:20And this, the heart that I'm referring to is the highest. This is what is referred to

14:28in sacred literature as Atma or Hriday or the pure self. But we need not use these terms.

14:38What's the point in using specific words? Atma is just a word.

14:44We need not use it. The real point is to remain

14:50word proof and that does not mean becoming asocial or antisocial. That only means having

14:58the right relationship with the society. Yes, I value you, you are society, but that does not

15:04mean that I'll allow you to penetrate here. You are dear ones. You have my regards and I care for

15:14you and I really want good things to happen to you. All that is okay, but that does not mean

15:21that I'll allow you to rule me from within. We unfortunately and mostly inadvertently

15:32educate our kids very wrongly. We let the world become too meaningful to them. Don't let that

15:40happen. My hope is, my hunch is that a significant proportion of the mental health problem

15:59can be addressed if we give the right kind of value system to the kid.

16:11Yeah, thank you, sir.

16:17I forgot to say something and let me just add that I hope

16:23the importance of the right kind of literature 12 or 14 is not really too small an age.

16:36The age of 5 or 6, there is beautiful and ample wisdom literature. They must be introduced

16:44and by the time they come to 12 or 14, they should have read at least 20 to 30 books

16:55that serve as armors. The right words, the right message, once you really get it,

17:09it prevents a lot of nonsense from reaching you. So, that's very important. The moment your kid

17:19crosses 4 or 5, the right kind of literature should be brought to him or her. If he can't

17:31read, then in the beginning, just through oral instruction and later on books can be

17:42given. So, that too is very important. A well-read kid will not fall prey to easy temptations or

17:53all kinds of griefs.

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