00:00Looking in the mirror and seeing the body, we don't see ourselves at all.
00:06But then looking in the mirror and having blue eyes, me, Mason, I'm like, oh, I see
00:09myself a little bit.
00:10And then Cole with the hair is like, oh, I kind of see myself too.
00:13And it's like a little bit better than seeing the body.
00:16We just have a lot of distress, I guess, about what we look like.
00:19Why do we subject ourselves to this?
00:22Our body is 27 years old.
00:24Our ages range from 6 to 30 years old.
00:28We go over multiple ages, multiple genders.
00:30In our heads, we look a completely different way.
00:33And then we look like this.
00:41In the United States, there are an estimated 4 million people diagnosed with dissociative
00:45identity disorder, known as DID.
00:48For Brew, I met with the Winter System in Utah.
00:51They were diagnosed with DID two months ago, and they're currently living with nine people
00:55known as alters in one body.
00:59This is Damon's wig.
01:00We cut it ourselves.
01:02Who cut it?
01:03I cut it.
01:04No.
01:05Someone in the system cut it.
01:07I'm just going to be showing you some of these really cool sims that Mason made earlier.
01:12My favorite is obviously mine.
01:14Then there's Cole.
01:16This is Jet.
01:17He's such a cutie.
01:19I was super happy when I saw that Mason made Jeremiah like this.
01:22Then there's Liam.
01:23I love how Damon decided to dress himself.
01:26That's so cute.
01:28Bethany looks like a queen, honestly.
01:30She looks so good.
01:31Are you kidding?
01:32And then finally, Mason.
01:34Jesus Christ, Mason.
01:35OK, whatever.
01:37It's formerly known as multiple personality disorder, but that diagnosis is no longer
01:41given out.
01:42How's it going?
01:44How are you guys?
01:45Thanks for liking the live, y'all.
01:47It's a disorder that is formed during childhood as a coping mechanism to deal with
01:52intense childhood trauma.
01:54It essentially makes it so that the brain splits into several different identity states.
02:00Yay, it's working, you guys.
02:03OK, if we just keep having faith.
02:05Most people just have one identity, and they're like, oh yeah, I'm a man, and I'm this
02:09many years old.
02:10Versus with people who have DID because of their childhood trauma, we feel like we're
02:14multiple ages, multiple genders, things like that.
02:18I was abused when I was six.
02:21There was something that happened with a family member that happened one time, and
02:24there was also something that happened with a group of teenagers that happened multiple
02:28times.
02:29After that, we were very hypersexual.
02:31And then we're like, oh, I guess that's a sin.
02:34But we've been doing that for so long, so I guess we're horrible.
02:37And I needed to get therapy for that.
02:39I needed to be seen by a legitimate therapist, not a conversion therapist.
02:44And all of that happened within Mormonism.
02:48You don't want to look like how you look because maybe you were abused because of how you look.
02:55When people think, oh, DID is incredibly rare, what they're saying is, you can't have this
03:00disorder.
03:01You must be faking.
03:03So one of my recent videos got me on the side of TikTok, where people think that everyone
03:07and their dog is faking their disorders, when actually people just have disorders.
03:12I had to quit my job because my boss fake claimed me.
03:14They think that I would make up my trauma.
03:17They think that I would fake my disorder for attention.
03:20I feel defeated a little bit.
03:24I feel really sad because I was really close with them.
03:30DID is such an interesting diagnosis, and some people live with it unawares.
03:37It's really neat to wake up to your experience or your system, you know.
03:41It's not only a separate state of emotions and thoughts and beliefs and values, but even
03:48the physiology changes.
03:50Like one alter will be experiencing anxiety and then someone switches in and there's no
03:55anxiety.
03:56It's like gone.
03:58But I've had clients who, in their work and healing, they've developed just a cooperative
04:03relationship with the alters within themselves.
04:06Some people have these refined skills and ability for certain tasks or certain environments
04:12to interface with the world in different ways, right?
04:16Especially when you don't have a lot of the disordered symptoms anymore.
04:20I can see how, yeah, it could definitely be like a gift.
04:23Not like a gift, but you know what I mean.
04:25An asset, right?
04:26An asset, yeah.
04:27But it can be so frustrating too, and so much difficulty getting to that point.
04:33You know, I've worked with systems where one wants to date, the other doesn't.
04:38You know, one part of the system likes a certain person, the other part doesn't.
04:42So there can be a lot of conflict, a lot of turmoil.
04:47We have two boyfriends, or the body has two boyfriends.
04:50We're going to be making candles.
04:52This is so sweet.
04:55Love you, baby.
04:56We are just at the canyon, and we're doing a little vlog of our time here and how pretty
05:01it is.
05:03I literally would go to the car wash like three times a day.
05:06At least.
05:07At least, because I would go like three times in one time.
05:10Yeah.
05:11It's like a weird coping mechanism of mine.
05:15What song should I listen to?
05:34What is this?
05:35Is this a dinosaur?
05:36I think it is a dinosaur.
05:37We're so excited.
05:38We're going to be doing mochi pimple popping, you guys.
05:41Are you excited, Casey?
05:43I'm very excited.
05:45These are so cute also.
05:46We have this lotion that we're going to be putting into the mochi.
05:53But right now, we're just slowly getting the lotion in.
05:56Yes, we are giving them their tea shots.
05:59That's so funny.
06:01I have a dissociative identity disorder, and we kind of wanted to talk about that while
06:05we did the mochi today.
06:07So do you guys have any questions?
06:09Yes, Alex.
06:10This is my boyfriend.
06:12Sorry.
06:13I got some makeup on you.
06:14Thanks for getting makeup on me.
06:17You have such supportive partners, but what's the hardest part of dating people with DID?
06:21Well, it's like in a relationship, you're trying to figure out your boundaries or how
06:27to mesh into each other's, to be in each other's lives.
06:33And then when it's like, oh, we're actually people, you need to make sure that...
06:39Everyone's boundaries are met.
06:41...you're clear about that.
06:42There are a lot of people in our system.
06:44We have different ages and we have different genders.
06:46And it's like, not all of us want, you know, not all of us want to be touched in the same
06:52way.
06:53Not all of us should be touched in the same way.
06:56Someone said a mean comment.
06:57Will someone mute them?
07:01Have we ever got fake claimed?
07:02Oh, we've been fake claimed so many times.
07:04And they're like, you are fake because you don't talk differently.
07:08You're fake because you talk differently.
07:12How did you learn to accept yourself?
07:14I feel like that's a good one.
07:17When we realized that we were different people, it was like, we can either like pretend that
07:23this isn't true, or we can like, try and move forward with it and like get to know
07:29ourselves.
07:30And then we were like, that's really the only thing we can do is try and move forward.
07:37That was, oh, it got on the phone.
07:40I need to get that off.
07:46Today, I'm just going to be trying to get Damon to front because he hasn't fronted in
07:50a really long time.
07:52When I say front, I mean, like, I want him to come and be in control of the body.
07:56And I want him to see this little space that Mason made for him in the closet.
08:02When I say that Damon wants to look like himself, you know, I don't actually look like Damon
08:07right now, because Damon is a six year old boy.
08:11We just try to look the most like ourselves we can in the inner world, if that makes sense.
08:16Listen, it's, it's still Sage.
08:19But Damon is here too.
08:23And he's not fronting, but he's like very present.
08:27And he said that this space is really cool and he loves it.
08:30So yeah, he's not gonna front though, I don't think.
08:33I don't know why he doesn't want to, but maybe he's nervous.
08:37But yeah.
08:39Thanks for watching.
08:40Damon loves swinging.
08:42And so even if he's not fronting, he gets joy out of us swinging.
08:47And he swings all the time in the inner world.
08:50I wish that the whole world would know that I, I'm just another person.
08:57You know, like we are multiple people, but we are just another person.
09:01You know, we're just out here living our lives.
09:05Not trying to harm anyone.
09:07Trying our best.
09:10That was so fun.
09:12I'm really proud of who we are.
09:14We've come so far and we've realized so much about ourselves.
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