SAY ni DOK | Pagka-miss o pagkahumaling hahit na hindi naman ito nasusuklian - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:00To our fellow countrymen who already have a spouse or are in a relationship or already have a partner,

00:07sometimes they say that they have feelings that are hard to understand.

00:12Have you experienced that sudden spark?

00:15But to one person or another, even if you are already committed,

00:20there are things that attract others even if they already have a partner.

00:24Our fellow countrymen in the studio are interested in this topic.

00:28But, fellow countrymen, is this normal?

00:31And what is the effect of this on a relationship?

00:34This morning, we will be joined by a psychologist, Dr. Imelda Virginia Villar,

00:40to discuss the limerence of what this is, why this is happening,

00:45and how this should be faced as a partner or spouse.

00:49Let's find out.

00:51Good morning. This is Dian and Audrey.

00:53Good morning.

00:56Good morning.

00:57Good morning.

00:58Good morning to you two and to all the viewers who are watching this early in the morning.

01:03Yes, thank you for waking up early today, Dr. Villar.

01:06What we are going to talk about is very interesting.

01:08But, for those who are new to the term limerence,

01:13what does limerence mean?

01:15And how does it differ from a simple infatuation or having a crush on someone else?

01:22Okay.

01:23Actually, it's like infatuation.

01:26But it's like you're too obsessed.

01:30You're too focused on your love object.

01:34And you're always thinking about it all day.

01:39It's always in your mind.

01:42But what makes it different is that you're just focused on liking him.

01:49But you're uncertain that you'll like him.

01:54That's why you're doing everything to get him.

01:58You're really focused on changing yourself.

02:03You're doing what you think he'll like.

02:07So, you're shaping your personality based on what you think he'll like.

02:15Okay.

02:16That's the problem.

02:17You already have a partner.

02:19You're already committed.

02:20And you're distracted all day because of your love object or limerence object.

02:27If I'm not mistaken.

02:28Yes.

02:29Maybe there are changes that your partner noticed because you're changing.

02:34But for our viewers,

02:37what are the signs that a person is experiencing limerence?

02:45Okay.

02:46Okay.

02:47So, what happens is that you're always thinking about him.

02:51To an irrational level.

02:53You're obsessed with him.

02:56And you know that it's hard to get him.

03:03It's hard to make him fall in love.

03:05But you're still forcing him to be attracted to you.

03:10And then, he just looks at you a little bit.

03:14He just kisses you a little bit.

03:16It's like you're magnifying him.

03:19Wow, he likes me too.

03:21Wow, maybe he's already attracted to me.

03:25For example, there are five of you.

03:27And each of you is divided into five.

03:32But he thinks you're special.

03:37His tone is special.

03:39When he kisses you.

03:41It's like that.

03:42Okay.

03:43So, there are signs that he's attracted to you.

03:46Alright.

03:47So, you're giving extra meaning.

03:50That's what I understand from the doctor.

03:52Yes.

03:53Alright.

03:54Why do people experience limerence?

03:57Even if they're in a committed relationship.

04:00Maybe they're already married.

04:02Does this have a connection to the so-called unresolved issues in a relationship?

04:08Actually, it's not about his relationship with his wife or his partner.

04:14But it's about his issues as a child.

04:17Okay.

04:18When he grows up, he might experience being left alone.

04:24He's not secure in his relationship with his parents or with the person who takes care of him.

04:31So, his insecure attachments when he was a child,

04:36it's like they're coming out again as he grows up.

04:42So, he's not content with a woman or a man.

04:49It's like that.

04:50But this can be reduced.

04:53It's like there's an attractiveness.

04:55But sometimes it's temporary.

04:58But sometimes, it's a lifetime of attraction.

05:02For as long as they're not able to get the partner they want.

05:09Okay, doctor.

05:10You said that this might have an effect on their childhood.

05:13Isn't it also about insecurities?

05:15Because he didn't like many women back then,

05:20but now that he knows how to court or talk to women or men,

05:27he's doing this now when he's in a relationship.

05:35Maybe.

05:36Maybe.

05:37But it's not part of his education.

05:39So, it's a good thing.

05:42Maybe because he was very insecure.

05:45He was always bashed.

05:47But now, he wants to prove that he can get even a few women.

05:54But that's a different feeling.

05:58Because there are others who try to prove that they're really good men,

06:06that they're good at courting, that they can get what they want.

06:09But it's not like that.

06:11In limerence, it's really an obsession.

06:15It's like they really want to get that person.

06:19And it's always on their mind.

06:22It's not like those insecure bastards.

06:25The point is, they don't like that person.

06:27They're not obsessed with that person.

06:30But they just want to get that person to prove that they're good men.

06:36But in limerence, it's like you're too obsessed.

06:40You think about it all day.

06:42You think about how you're going to get that person.

06:45And you magnify it when you feel that that person is already interested in you.

06:52Okay. So, the way I understand it, Dr. Villar,

06:55this limerence is not healthy at all.

06:58It is not good for the individual.

07:01So, how can he control or reduce this limerence?

07:07Because, number one, you already have a partner.

07:09You're already committed.

07:10Your attention should not be disturbed because of your love object.

07:16So, what can we do to experience this limerence, Doc?

07:23Okay. You should be aware that this is limerence.

07:28You should be aware that this has no direction.

07:34And you should be aware that even your work can be affected.

07:39Even your relationship with other people, even your family, even your work can be affected.

07:46Why? Because sometimes, if you don't pay attention to the person you like,

07:52your limerence object,

07:54if you don't pay attention, it's like your whole day is ruined.

07:59Your head is so hot that you can't work.

08:03So, look at what is affecting you so that you know that you should stop it.

08:09Okay.

08:10Look at how your life is ruined in different aspects.

08:15Then, know that this has no direction,

08:21especially if you have a husband or a family.

08:23There is no direction.

08:25Then, it's good to exercise.

08:27You know, you do self-care.

08:29You do self-care.

08:30You try to focus on what you're doing.

08:34You enjoy yourself in other ways.

08:37Then, you should be mindful.

08:39You should be mindful of when you're always thinking about it.

08:44You do thought-stopping.

08:47You should stop thinking.

08:49You thought-switch.

08:51You change what you think.

08:53If you think about that person,

08:55you should change yourself in other things.

08:59Then, focus on the positive aspect of your love,

09:04your true love,

09:05your wife, your children.

09:07Focus on what you're getting out of it.

09:10Because sometimes, what happens is,

09:13they focus on the negative of their spouse.

09:16My spouse is not like this.

09:19They don't see the goodness of their spouse.

09:22Because they're comparing.

09:24So, they should go back to the positive qualities

09:30and actions of their partner or wife.

09:35I remember a song here.

09:37It's by England Dunn and John Ford Colley.

09:40It's sad to belong.

09:42The lyrics are like this.

09:44It's happy to belong to someone else.

09:46Because you shouldn't have a limerent object.

09:49This is really Audrey.

09:52Doctor,

09:54I need personal counseling from Audrey.

09:57I can't stop laughing.

09:59Lastly, Doctor,

10:00what is your advice to couples

10:04to maintain their spark and intimacy in their relationship

10:09and not to be attracted to others?

10:12Okay, of course,

10:14support, understanding, love.

10:19The love that you don't contradict.

10:22And then, looking for the positive qualities of your partner.

10:27And then, appreciating that.

10:29Celebrating life together.

10:31Because sometimes, couples

10:34are burdened with their responsibilities.

10:38They focus on their shortcomings in life,

10:42their problems in life.

10:44Romance is lost.

10:46So, they should still date.

10:49They should have a me time as a couple.

10:53Not always with the kids.

10:55For example, if you go out with the kids,

10:58especially the little ones,

10:59you should focus on the kids,

11:01not on each other.

11:03So, you lose your tenderness for each other.

11:08Okay, Doctor, just a question.

11:09Is it healthy if one person is experiencing limerence?

11:13Tell your partner, your spouse,

11:16is it okay for you to have a conversation

11:19to help each other?

11:21I mean, is that okay?

11:24You know, it depends on how understanding the other person is.

11:30Because there are mature people

11:33and they may understand what limerence is.

11:36They know it's a temporary thing.

11:38So, if your partner is like that,

11:40you can tell them.

11:42But if your partner is unreasonable, paranoid,

11:47it's hard to tell them

11:49because it's like starting a fight.

11:52A fight, yes.

11:53They will separate.

11:54Yes, yes.

11:56Your relationship will be more chaotic

11:59if the partner is not mature enough to accept it.

12:02The ending will be brought to the program

12:04by Senator Raffy Tulpo.

12:08He will grow up.

12:09He will grow up.

12:10What Dr. Villar said earlier is important.

12:12You have to be aware

12:14because it all starts with awareness

12:16so that you know your next steps

12:18on how to combat this limerence.

12:20So, if we were beaten up,

12:21we can talk about it.

12:22It's good to have a relationship

12:24like a horse.

12:26You're laser-focused.

12:27Yes, you're laser-focused.

12:28You can't see anything around you.

12:29But maybe it's good

12:30if your limerent object is your partner.

12:32Yes, yes.

12:33Or your lover.

12:34Your love object, your relationship,

12:36where you're committed.

12:38Dr. Inel De Villar,

12:39thank you for sharing with us

12:41the information about this limerence.

12:44Thank you very much.

12:45She shared her experiences with us.

12:48Thank you very much.

12:49Thanks, Doc.

12:51Thank you very much for the opportunity

12:53and good morning.

SAY ni DOK | Pagka-miss o pagkahumaling hahit na hindi naman ito nasusuklian

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