Emotions vs logic: Inner war in Attachment || Acharya Prashant (2023)

Acharya Prashant

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Transcript

00:00Pranam, Acharyaji. Sir, my question is related to attachment. Sir, like I find myself sometime

00:12dwelling on to, you know, dear meant or attachment towards people like important people in my

00:19life and then there's a constant war inside me with my emotion and logic. So my logic

00:26says that, no, this is not the way it should function. And then I sometimes even, I mean,

00:34if I'm watching a video, your video, if I'm reading, I am not able to focus and I'm not

00:39able to, you know, grasp what it is trying to say. So how to come out of this zone? I

00:45mean, sometimes it happens quite frequently. And then I just remind myself that, no, no,

00:51I don't have to do like that. But then it doesn't help sometimes.

00:55Let's say there is a kid in the family, right? And the kid the entire year is showing up with

01:08the report card from the school. And the report card continuously says A, A+, A, A+. Every two

01:19months there is an assessment and the kid comes up and shows the card and the card looks just

01:24glorious. And so you have a certain attitude towards the kid, right? You give importance

01:34to that kid then, correct? Right. And then when the final exams are over, you in your exuberance,

01:55in anticipation that the result will again be great, you decide not to wait for the report

02:01card. You decide to go to the school yourself and meet the class teacher and get the report

02:10card personally. And you go to the school and you meet the class teacher and you say,

02:19well, I am, let's name the kid. Let's name the kid. Something. The kid's name is,

02:29why don't I get random names? All randomness has gone, you know,

02:37Geeta is in front of you. Name the kid. Mukhiya. So the kid is, that's a strange name for a kid.

02:46Give me a tolerable name. Champak. So you go to the class teacher and you say,

02:59I am Champak's didi and I have come to personally collect the card. And the class teacher says,

03:10are you sure you are his didi, the elder sister? Because till this day he was displaying somebody

03:20else as his didi. Because we used to ask him every month to bring his parents and elders to us. And

03:34every month he would bring people to us, the entire family and the entire family would consist

03:38of a lady he would introduce to us as his didi. And that's not you. Who are you? And somehow you

03:44convince them that you are in fact the certified didi. And he hands over the card to you. And the

03:56card somehow is all in red ink from the first place till the last. C minus D, D minus L, Z minus.

04:08You collect the card and you go back. And the kid, Champak, is sitting there all puffed up

04:23because he is the apple of the family's eye. Everybody gives great importance to whatever

04:32he says because he is not just the class topper, he is the school topper, he is the galaxy topper,

04:38he is everything that a kid can be. You give him great importance. If he says, I want a new

04:45geometry box, you get him five boxes, imported boxes. He says, I want a pair of socks, you get

04:58him five pair of shoes. That's the kind of importance you give to Champak. And now you go

05:05back with that red thing in your hands. What is the importance that you now give to Champak?

05:12Very less importance.

05:19Now there was a wise woman in the neighborhood who was cautioning you since an entire year,

05:26you know what I mean? This Champak fellow is no good. You drill some sense into him. All the

05:33time he is chasing all the kids around, especially girls and still your family just patronizes him

05:41all the time. And were you listening to the aunt from the neighborhood? No, right? Even if the lady

05:50would give logic, your emotions would quarrel with her logic, correct? Even if she would present some

05:55proof, still your emotions for Champak will not accept the proof, correct? Because you were

06:03according a certain importance to Champak based on your assessment of his reality. And your

06:15assessment was based on the proof he was furnishing you. And he very well knew that your assessment of

06:23who Champak is depends on the proof that he himself furnishes you. So is the problem about

06:31the clash between emotion and logic or is the problem about the very fundamentals of

06:39assessment of importance? Fundamentals. We do not know who to accord importance to,

06:48correct? And importance is being accorded totally on forged documents. The moment you know his

06:58reality, the importance is gone and the inner clash. Should I be attached to this person?

07:03Should I not be attached to this person? All that inner conflict is resolved immediately,

07:07right? So the real problem is not attachment. The real problem is accordance of importance.

07:17If you can know what is infinitely important, I say please be attached to that. Attachment is

07:26not a problem. The problem is being attached to something totally unworthy. And worth is

07:33something that has to be assessed through facts. Because you went to the class teacher, therefore

07:41the worth was revealed to you. And facts will never be revealed if you live in belief. If you

07:49continue to believe Champak, you will never know facts. That's the problem with belief. Don't

07:57believe. Check out the facts. If you are attached to someone, check out the facts of their importance.

08:04Do they really deserve that kind of importance? Check out the facts. Go to their school. Talk

08:10to their class teacher. You know what I mean, right? I am dealing in symbols. Do they really

08:18deserve the position you are giving him? Just think of how you used to think of Champak. And

08:22now that you have seen his report, how do you now look at him now? Has not the entire face changed?

08:31Has not the entire face changed? Earlier, if no sound was coming from Champak's room, what would

08:42you imagine? That he is studying. Now, upon the same occurrence, you would immediately know that

08:54the fellow is up to some mischief. So even your experience depends on your assumption. Earlier,

09:04when no sound used to come from Champak's room, your experience used to be great. Oh my god,

09:10such a great kid brother I have. He is studying even at midnight. That's why there is no sound.

09:17And he has bolted the door from inside. Now having seen his report card, you know he is

09:24cooking something fishy inside. And that's why the room is locked from inside. Now you will rather

09:32call the fire brigade and break open. You know, having known now what kind of a disease you are,

09:42I just cannot trust you. That's what we don't know the facts. We live in fancies.

09:52In relationship, that's a major problem.

09:55Once you are related to someone, you totally lose sight of their reality.

10:02And losing sight reminds me of Dhritarashtra.

10:08What to do? His blindness is not just symbolic. Being attached to Duryodhana, he totally lost

10:17sight of the facts of Duryodhana. Totally, just lost it. It doesn't matter whether you are attached

10:26to a son, a daughter, father, mother, friend, or a husband, or a wife, or a lover, doesn't matter.

10:35Or a dog, doesn't matter.

10:39No, it's just coincidental that I placed lover very proximate to the dog. I don't mean anything.

10:49I mean people will unnecessarily accuse me of verbal insinuation.

10:56Things can happen randomly, can't they? So, excuse me.

11:03We totally lose sight of the kind of person the chap is.

11:13What exists is the relationship. The person disappears from the inner radar.

11:21We just never evaluate what kind of persons are we related to.

11:27We simply say, oh, but he's my father. Hello. That's okay. We acknowledge that.

11:34But can we evaluate the person he is, objectively?

11:41Have you tried to look at his business transactions? Have you tried to talk to his colleagues?

11:47Have you tried to assess who he really is? Or the mother, or the wife, or anybody?

11:57Attachment is not a problem.

12:00Attachment involves one thing at least that is quite great, which is proximity.

12:08If you're attached to, let's say, the author of the Gita, what can be more auspicious than that?

12:18What can be more auspicious than that? You get attached to him, he will dissolve the attachment.

12:23That's okay. You're getting attached just to the right person. You get attached,

12:31he dissolves the attachment. Cool. But we get attached specifically to people who will only

12:37strengthen the attachment. And that's one of the very important proofs of the person being unworthy.

12:47It's worth that is important. Assess the importance.

12:52Assess the importance. And if you have been wise enough, discreet enough, or simply lucky enough

13:01to have the right person in your life, then continue to remain attached.

13:08But assess them, and assess them well, objectively, with truth at your core.

13:18You don't want to fight with the class teacher, right? You don't want to tell them,

13:21you have been lying. Champak has been a topper throughout. Well, the class teacher is a class

13:27teacher. If the class teacher says that Champak is the outstanding rascal of the class,

13:34then you better trust the class teacher rather than Champak.

13:37Outstanding because he's always standing out.

13:49Getting it? Yes, sir.

13:54People often complain,

13:59that fellow changed

14:04after four years of relationship. Nobody, he didn't change.

14:12He or she just revealed himself.

14:14He didn't even reveal himself. Your eyes opened a little after four years.

14:24The urge to be in a relationship often is so strong

14:31that we refuse to look at the reality.

14:34The urge to be in a relationship often is so strong

14:41that we refuse to look at the reality.

14:47Something within us knows very well that if you

14:50come upon the fact, then the relationship will become impossible.

14:57So you want to keep the fact at bay. Keep the fact aside if the relationship is to continue.

15:05I often ask people, don't you know very well of the issues that you must not raise in your

15:10relationship? Don't you know very well of the questions you must not ask your partner?

15:16If you know of these things, then you very well know that your relationship is founded

15:21on something very weak. We all very well know of the questions that would immediately spoil

15:32the relationship. We all very well know of the issues we must never discuss with our family or

15:41spouse or somebody. You raise those issues and magically that is called relationship management

15:50in today's time. They say if you want to manage your relationship, first of all, you must know

15:56the things you should not discuss. Influencers, Instagram, they say that the best relationship

16:10managers are the ones who know what not to talk of. So don't talk of these things and

16:15relationship will keep fine. So assess the importance. Ask if the truth is important.

16:36Does this person bring truth to my life? How is he important?

16:39That's what the Gita teaches you. That's what self-knowledge is about. Truth is important.

16:45Correct? Getting rid of bondages is important. Liberation is important. Is this person bringing

16:50liberation to me? Is he bringing light to me? Is he bringing fearlessness to me? He, she, whatever.

17:02He, she, whatever. Because these are the things that are important. So if this fellow is the

17:11harbinger for these things, then and then only is he important. Otherwise, how is he important?

17:17Flesh is not important. You know, you know, you know the destiny of flesh.

17:30I'm not talking of the ash it turns into.

17:35There are apps on Play Store. You feed your current photo and they'll display how you look,

17:44probably look 40 years down the line. That's the worth of flesh.

17:52So if somebody is bringing only flesh to your life, he's simply like a mutton seller.

17:59Even the mutton seller can provide you with some flesh.

18:04Is this fellow bringing consciousness into your life?

18:08That is what will decide his or her importance.

18:14So do not just say if somebody is important, I get attached.

18:17My question will be how did that fellow first of all manage to become

18:22important? Important how? How? Randomly.

18:30Anything becomes important.

18:45Thank you, sir.

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