00:00What is that smell? You got syphilis again?
00:02Just cleared up, actually. I microwaved my friend Amy's placenta. It's like good for your skin or something.
00:06I had placenta once. I fucked up and ate the whole kid, though. Now your father doesn't have a sister.
00:12Well, I'm just gonna chew it up and then use it as panty liner. I can't swallow it. I'm vegan.
00:16That's gonna hurt! What kind of spices did you use?
00:18Spices? What, like ketchup?
00:19You stupid whore! That's it! I'm teaching you how to cook!
00:22You only make weird shit like casserole and deviled eggs. No thank you.
00:25No granddaughter of mine is gonna become a housewife without knowing the essentials!
00:29Excuse me? I'm in an anti-racist, LGBT, allied, cisgender, heteroflexible, ethically non-monogamous polycule,
00:36and I will not be supporting the corrupt institution of marriage.
00:39Shut up, hossy! Let's start with some chicken pot pie.
00:41I just told you I'm vegan!
00:42That's okay. We can try making it without the vegetables.
00:46Do you know what vegan means?
00:47I don't know. You only eat box or something?
00:49Okay, what about like a quinoa salad?
00:51Ooh! Grandma's famous house slave salad!
00:53Grandma, we don't say that anymore. And what the fuck even is that?
00:56I know! Little funky bits of spam and peas sealed in a big ol' gelatin pancake!
01:01Ugh, I'd rather eat my own vomit.
01:03There's gotta be something in there you like!
01:05Okay, let me see that.
01:06There's plenty of yummy treats to pick from. There's head cheese, blood pudding, haggis loaf.
01:11Oh my god, let's do salmon rolls! We could use the yeast from my last infection.
01:14That's okay, honey. You have yours marinating.
01:17I got something right here!
01:18Grandma, you're a genius!
01:20Fresh as fast!
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