00:00I just want to hug him because the ghost of my past self
00:06doesn't love me back.
00:13I don't know if we're all familiar, but this month is suicide prevention month.
00:21So, maybe what I'm going to talk to you about
00:25will be too heavy for me to tell my parents.
00:30Maybe the ghost of my past self.
00:34I'm going to tell him about what we've been through
00:38and what we've been through together.
00:42And I'm going to tell him not to think about being alone
00:47because you have your family, your chosen family, and your friends.
00:52So, I just want to hug him because the ghost of my past self
00:58doesn't love me back.
01:05Luis, why did you mention the suicide month?
01:11To be honest, I'm not that vocal about it
01:15because it's a taboo topic here in the Philippines.
01:23But there was a time in my life
01:26that I thought, even if I'm surrounded by friends,
01:30this will happen while I'm working, surrounded by friends,
01:35and cleaning up after my clients.
01:39I also had this inner struggle that I'm not enough.
01:43I'm not good enough. I will never be enough.
01:47And all that I was thinking at that time,
01:50how can I end this because I am in so much pain.
01:55Up to the point that the pain is so stagnant
02:01that it's my emotion.
02:04I don't feel happiness.
02:08I don't feel fulfilled in everything I do.
02:13And when I think about it,
02:16that was the worst thing that came to my mind at that time.
02:21What do people who commit suicide think?
02:24What were their thoughts before jumping,
02:27before cutting their own wrist, their own neck?
02:31How can I handle it? Because I want to learn it.
02:34I want to know that idea so that I can end it.
02:38And I'm so thankful that even though I have those thoughts,
02:45it's like there's a glimmering tunnel that says,
02:51Hey, you're here.
02:54Because it's not just you who feels that way.
02:59And there are people that love you,
03:02who genuinely loves you and cares for you.
03:06And if you're giving up on yourself,
03:09please don't give up on me.
03:12It has been a long battle.
03:15And until now, it's still there.
03:18But I think I'm in a better headspace now.
03:25And with all the help and all the knowledge
03:29around that particular topic,
03:33it's very uplifting also to know that
03:39we love you too.
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