00:00Do you believe in true love?
00:04My ex-boyfriend recently used my kitchen floor as a toilet.
00:07Oh.
00:08Do you think when the rapture happens, I'm going to get left behind and just be standing
00:15in some salt flat for the rest of time?
00:18Because of your adultery?
00:20And homoism?
00:23How long have you been dating him?
00:25Three months.
00:26What's he like in bed?
00:27What?
00:28It's not like I asked how big his dick was.
00:35What's his problem?
00:37Water into blood, frogs, probably lice, proof that a Christian God exists and is angry at
00:42all of us all the time?
00:44That's cha-ching for us.
00:46And I'm pretty sure they don't want to spend the next billion years in the, uh, evil ditches.
00:52How old are you?
00:5317.
00:54Should we be in school or something?
00:55It's like 9am on a Tuesday.
00:58Hold up.
01:00Listen.
01:24Does that sound homophobic?
01:45I have a gay son, so I'm kind of allowed.
01:48Huh.
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