Tana Ramsay cries as she opens up on heartache of losing stillborn son Rocky

Tana Ramsay cries as she opens up on heartache of losing stillborn son RonnieSource Happy Mum, Happy Baby

Transcript

00:00It must have been so hard birthing Rocky, knowing that once he was in the world that

00:10you would lose him.

00:13And I think it, I remember saying to the amazing midwife, and I said, what will happen?

00:18Will he be born breathing?

00:20Will his heart be beating?

00:22And she said, I just don't know.

00:24And you know, which they don't.

00:26And I just remember him being placed in my arms and I was so scared.

00:31I didn't know whether, you know, should I hold him?

00:34And to be scared of your own baby, you've got this, you just want to protect them.

00:38But I was like, I don't want, if he's breathing, I don't want to do anything to stop him and

00:42maybe he'll survive.

00:44And I think that was the hardest thing afterwards.

00:47Also hearing people who'd had babies born at 24, 25 weeks, and I felt so guilty.

00:53What if I hadn't, what if I'd done something differently?

00:59How was it that, you know, their baby can make it to 24 weeks and now they've got them

01:04at home and you'd never know they were born early?

01:07What did I do wrong?

01:09Why didn't I hold on that little bit further?

01:11And that mentally was a lot to deal with, I think.

01:15But at the same time, I was also so aware that the other kids were so sad and traumatized

01:22and more than anything, they were also scared about me.

01:26Because they didn't know what to do.

01:28And they're very protective.

01:29And also, you're their mum, you know, to see you in that vulnerable state, to see you going

01:36through that pain.

01:39I think that's when we decided to try again.