Mufti Abdur-Rahman discusses the problem with people who think they have it all.
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00:00Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Alameen
00:08Wa salatu wa salamu ala sayyidil mursaleen wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa baraka wa sallama tasliman kathiran
00:17ila yawmin deen amma ba'd
00:21Qala Allahu tabaraka wa ta'ala fil quranil majeel wal quranil hameed
00:27Ya ayyuhal ladheena aamanu ista'eenu min sabri wal salat
00:31inna Allaha ma'as sabireen
00:33wa qala ta'ala wa antumul a'launa in kuntum mubineen
00:37sadaqallahul adzim
00:42My dear respected friends, dear respected brothers, sisters
00:51The topic for today is a very interesting word which you saw
00:56It says narcissism
00:58It's not a word we use everyday
01:00Another word that we use everyday for this idea is called
01:06In Arabic it's called rujub
01:09And other words are self conceit
01:18These are other words
01:19But while the words seem to be very strange words and we're not used to these words
01:26But we will probably be very understanding of the idea itself
01:35Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives us many many bounties and he gives us many gifts
01:41Alhamdulillah living in the west especially in countries like Norway and the UK
01:46There are generally the three things which the Prophet ﷺ mentioned in the hadith
01:53That if a person gets up in the morning and he has these three different bounties
01:59Three different gifts from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
02:02Then it is as if he has been given the entire world
02:06What are these three things?
02:09Number one, if you get up in the morning and you have security
02:13You don't have bars on your windows
02:16You're not feeling threatened that somebody is going to bomb you or rob you
02:21This is a reality
02:23It sounds that in Oslo this is not going to happen
02:27Maybe robbing, Allah protect
02:29But bombing you, that just sounds so far away
02:32And may Allah keep it far away
02:34But for other countries it's a reality
02:37It's a reality
02:41We can walk outside, it's cold
02:45But we're not going to feel like we're just going to get robbed
02:48We can leave our car
02:50I've lived in a country where I would park the car
02:54We would go to the supermarket
02:56We would come back outside and if the car was still there
02:59I would literally say Alhamdulillah
03:02Not because I do a lot of shukr
03:04But because if your car was still there then you're very lucky
03:07This was in South Africa
03:10I'm not joking about this
03:12To get into my house
03:14There was an outside gate
03:16Then there was another gate to put the car into
03:19Then there was a metal door
03:21Then there was a normal door
03:23And then when you shut everything up inside
03:25And you come inside and there's nobody inside the house
03:27Then you say Alhamdulillah I'm inside
03:30Crazy
03:31But such a beautiful country
03:33The weather is better than here
03:35The fruits are better than here
03:37Everything is better, just crying
03:39My friends there, they can't let their children
03:41Go to the local store to buy something
03:43Because they could get mugged
03:45So no security
03:49If you get up in the morning and you have security
03:51Number one
03:52And number two, you have health
03:54You have health care
03:56Alhamdulillah most of us
03:58We get good nutritious food
04:01We have access to good food from around the world
04:05Including mangoes from Pakistan I'm assuming
04:08Which is a must
04:10When it's season at least
04:13You have health care
04:17So health you have, Alhamdulillah
04:19That's number two
04:20And number three
04:21As long as you have your daily food
04:25Food for the day, for yourself and your family
04:27The Prophet ﷺ said
04:29If you get up in the morning with security
04:31With health
04:33And with your daily food
04:34It is as if you've been given the entire world
04:37What more do you need?
04:40What more do you need for the day?
04:42For today, then tomorrow is the same
04:44The next day is the same
04:45What else do you need?
04:47I need my safety
04:49I need my health
04:51And I need my food
04:52My nourishment
04:54Sustenance
04:55And if you have that
04:56You've been given the entire world
04:58So that's a great thing
04:59Which is we should do shukr
05:01And thank Allah ﷻ for
05:03But there's another problem with this
05:05When we start getting too much
05:07And we start feeling comfortable in this world
05:11Studies show
05:13That people stagnate when there's too much order
05:16This is getting a bit maybe complicated
05:18But when everything is so orderly
05:20So functional
05:22Then people stagnate
05:24They don't develop, they don't get better
05:27Sometimes you need chaos
05:29For people to rethink
05:31And
05:33Try to get even better
05:35They say that a lot of the time
05:37Improvement comes after chaos
05:39How many people are out there who used to work for others
05:41They lost their job
05:43Created chaos in their lives
05:45And then they started something new
05:47And they invented or innovated
05:49Or became a different company
05:51It doesn't happen to everybody
05:53But it's the way you perceive these things
05:55So now
05:57What happens is that when we get too confident
05:59About what we have
06:01We start feeling
06:03Self-confidence
06:05We start feeling self-reliant
06:07We start believing in
06:09Ourself more than anybody else
06:11Then we start
06:13Disregarding Allah
06:15When everything is coming to you every day so easily
06:17It's very
06:19Difficult then to thank Allah unless the heart
06:21Is still there
06:23But the heart gets caught up in the worldly
06:25Goods
06:27That is why generally
06:29If you look at the Prophets
06:31The Rasul
06:33When they would come
06:35Their first believers would be the poor people
06:37Would be the downtrodden people
06:39Would be the oppressed people
06:41Allah says in the Quran
06:43About
06:45Nuh
06:47When he was inviting his people
06:49They said
06:52Should we believe in you
06:54When it's the low class
06:56The inferior people
06:58They followed you
07:00How can we follow you
07:02As though it's a class system
07:04Your club is for the poor
07:06It's not for us
07:08We have a different club
07:10And you know what's really surprising
07:12Is that in some Muslim countries
07:14This
07:16Class system exists
07:18Alhamdulillah in the west it doesn't
07:20In Norway and England
07:22You've got the wealthy
07:24Influential Muslims
07:26And the not so well off
07:28They both pray together
07:30And they both feel religion is theirs
07:32The religious ones
07:34Among both communities you have people who are not so religious
07:36But I don't want to mention names
07:38But you may be able to understand
07:40In some countries my son goes to
07:42A university, a good university in London
07:44And has many
07:46UK born Muslim students there
07:48From Indian, Pakistani, Somali background
07:52Very religious
07:54Women with hijab
07:56Brothers with beards
07:58Praying, looking for the
08:00Prayer room in the university
08:02You've got Muslim students
08:04Coming from Muslim countries
08:06And they are shocked
08:08They are surprised
08:10That you guys
08:12Who are our ideal
08:14We would love to be like you
08:16But we are not from those countries
08:18Because for foreigners to come and study in the UK
08:20Their fees are like three times the amount
08:22So it's only the top cream
08:24And they are totally surprised
08:26That these people are religious
08:28Because in our country they say
08:30Religion is for the low class
08:32It's not for our class
08:34I'm sure you'll be able to understand
08:36If you can relate to this
08:38They are totally surprised
08:40How come
08:42We have to pay so much to come here
08:44We are UK, London
08:46And you guys are religious
08:48They are totally surprised
08:50And this is what you call the harm of culture
08:54When a culture is of a certain way
08:56It's very difficult to come out of that culture
08:58Everybody starts thinking in the same way
09:00Cultures, if they change
09:02People have more of an option
09:04Because there's very few people
09:06Who are willing to go against the culture
09:08Even if they know inside their heart
09:10Is wrong what the culture is saying
09:12But that's a different point
09:14Maybe we'll deal with that more tonight
09:16In tonight's program
09:18Which is a bit of a different issue
09:20Let's get back to narcissism
09:22So the main thing here is that
09:24When Allah has given us so many bounties
09:26The same bounties can become a fitna
09:28Once in Hajj
09:30In the group there was one brother
09:32Who was
09:34You could tell he was very savvy
09:36Very clever, very smart
09:38He would always be the first on the bus
09:40He would have the best position everywhere
09:42In Mina
09:44He thought he had the best place to sleep
09:46Because if you've been for Hajj and you go to Mina
09:48You have to then find your right spot
09:50And if you don't get the right spot
09:52It depends on who you're next to, close to the door, wherever
09:54So I observed all this
09:56Because I go nearly every year
09:58So you can tell
10:00Some people really need a lot of help
10:02Some people are very savvy
10:04I was watching him
10:06One day I sat with him
10:08And I said, you know what, Allah loves me
10:10He said, mashallah, that's wonderful
10:12Allah loves you
10:14He said, because look, I always get everything first
10:16Now the thing is that
10:18Just because
10:20You get everything first
10:22You have the best job, you have the best
10:24Spouse
10:26You have the best car
10:28That is no proof at all that Allah loves you
10:30This is the dunya
10:32And the Prophets of Allah said
10:34That
10:36This dunya
10:44If this world had any value
10:46Intrinsic value of
10:48Long term value
10:50Then
10:52If he had
10:54Even as much value as the wing
10:56Of a fly or a mosquito
10:58Then Allah would not have given a
11:00Disbeliever even some water
11:02To drink
11:04This is a testing place
11:06This is not the end all of it
11:08This is not our ultimate
11:10Vision, this world
11:12We live in this world
11:14We use the world, we benefit from this world
11:16But it's for investment
11:18For the hereafter
11:20So
11:24Just because you're getting more of the dunya
11:26And I feel this all the time because we have a concept
11:28In Islam called istidraj
11:30Which basically means that
11:32If you're getting more dunya
11:34And mashallah everything is happening
11:36You're getting promotion at work and
11:38Mashallah everything is just going so right
11:40But you actually feel yourself
11:42And not getting closer to Allah
11:44But actually further from Allah
11:46Then that is not a blessing from Allah
11:48That is a word for it, it's called istidraj
11:50Which is what they say in English
11:52Allah giving you rope
11:54Okay, do a bit more
11:56Do a bit more and then when we take you to task
11:58When we seize you then it will be very bad
12:00Let him go, he's acting like this
12:02Okay, let them do it, then we'll show them one day
12:04Allah protect us
12:06That is the sign
12:08So when we have all of these things mashallah
12:10What starts happening is we feel
12:12Self-reliant, we then start
12:14Feeling better than others
12:16So the concept of narcissism
12:18In Arabic is called ujb
12:20Another word is conceit
12:22This is different from kibr in Arabic
12:24There's another word called kibr or arrogance
12:26Arrogance
12:28Pride
12:30Arrogance and pride which is kibr
12:32Is different from ujb
12:34Ujb is when you just feel yourself
12:36To be superior
12:38But you're not necessarily
12:40Comparing yourself to others
12:42You just feel I'm the best
12:44I'm just the best
12:46Very soon
12:48That will lead us to start feeling
12:50We're better than others and looking down upon others
12:52That becomes even worse then
12:54Looking down upon others
12:56Now don't get me wrong here
12:58One clarification
13:00There's a sahab you came to the prophet
13:02And he said
13:04I like
13:06Everything of mine to be beautiful
13:08And nice
13:10My clothing
13:12Even the straps on my sandals
13:14I like them to be the best
13:18And you've seen how much handsomeness
13:20Allah has given me as well
13:22Is this arrogance
13:24The prophet said no that's not arrogance
13:26Arrogance is
13:28When you reject the truth
13:30You're not willing to accept the truth
13:32Because you're so arrogant
13:34I must be right
13:36Just remember no human can always be right
13:38No human can always be right
13:40Except the prophets
13:42Because they have divine protection
13:44Isma and guidance
13:46Otherwise everybody makes mistakes
13:48And we have to acknowledge that
13:50I could make a mistake
13:52Even the biggest alim of this world
13:54Makes mistakes
13:56It's whether we recognize it or not
13:58Is the question
14:00Nobody's perfect
14:02So
14:04When we start thinking
14:06That I have everything
14:08And you reject the truth
14:10You're not willing to accept the truth
14:12Imam Shafi'i
14:14He was a scholar
14:16And sometimes he would have scholarly debates
14:18And his dua was always
14:20I wish the truth
14:22Will become clear on the
14:24Tongue of my opponent
14:26I just want the truth to manifest
14:28If it becomes
14:30On my tongue
14:32Maybe he will not accept it
14:34But if it becomes manifest on his tongue
14:36Then I'm willing to accept that
14:38So truth will prevail
14:40That's a very difficult thing to think about
14:42All the time you know
14:44Look at husband and wife relationships
14:46When you have arguments
14:48And the wife always thinks
14:50She's right
14:52This is where you get the conflict in
14:54But if each of the couple can understand
14:56Two things, number one that we are weak
14:58And we can make mistakes
15:00And my partner can make mistakes
15:02And they're weak
15:04And they're not perfect, they're not a princess
15:06They're not a prince
15:08Because even prince and princesses make mistakes
15:10Then they can
15:12Deal with that conflict
15:14So ujum
15:16Is self conceit
15:18That's why this is the way
15:20The scholars have defined it
15:22I'll give you the scholarly definition of narcissism
15:24It is for somebody
15:26To deem his blessings as
15:28Tremendous
15:30And then to rely on his blessings
15:32Whatever Allah has given you
15:34For example
15:36Do you remember when you bought
15:38A new phone
15:40A really nice one or a new car
15:42And you get inside
15:44And you see somebody watching you
15:46How do you feel?
15:50There's a feeling isn't there
15:52Some people, for them it's all the same
15:54It's like water
15:56To be in a Rolls Royce is like water
15:58For the rest of us, we buy a Mercedes
16:00We buy a nice car, Tesla, whatever
16:02Suddenly you're going to start feeling like
16:04People are watching me
16:06And then there's a smirk on the face
16:08That's where you have to be careful
16:10How do you deal with that?
16:12I felt this as well
16:14How do you deal with it?
16:16The way you deal with it is that immediately
16:18You think Alhamdulillah I have this
16:20It's because of Allah I have this
16:22That will remove all the smugness
16:24If people are going to praise you
16:26Let them praise you
16:28But let it not get to our hearts
16:30You can't stop people from praising you
16:32If they want to praise you, let them praise you
16:34That's not a problem
16:36But let that not get to our hearts
16:38If Allah has given me something
16:40The president of the masjid
16:42Promotion at work, whatever
16:44Alhamdulillah, this is because of Allah
16:46Just return everything to Allah
16:48Because when we don't do that
16:50And we feel like we got it because of ourself
16:52Because of my quality
16:54Who gave you the quality?
16:56That's why he says
16:58Ujub is for someone to deem his blessings
17:00As so tremendous and then to rely on them
17:02While forgetting to attribute it
17:04To the giver of it
17:06Who is Allah
17:08Now I can say that here
17:10Because everybody here is a mu'min
17:12You've come for Friday prayer
17:14Because you've just sacrificed your work time
17:16You've taken time off
17:18Because you know that you're doing this for the sake of Allah
17:20You are believers
17:22And you should thank Allah for that
17:24If I was speaking to
17:26A non-Muslim crowd, I would explain this differently
17:28But here we have some
17:30Very fixed ideas
17:32Because we're believers, we have some very fixed ideas
17:34That I can speak about it like that
17:36Then he says
17:40Being preoccupied by a blessing
17:42And forgetting the giver of it
17:44Is Ujub
17:46When you start relying on your own
17:50Its opposite is
17:52To remember Allah's favour
17:54That it is Allah who gives us these things
17:58If you feel that
18:00Because I know that in Norway
18:02People are still very connected
18:04To their home countries
18:06And they go back and forth
18:08And they have relatives in those countries
18:10Nearly everybody does
18:12I know the Pakistanis, they go back to Pakistan
18:14They've got intermarriages happening
18:18Many people out there would love to be here in your place
18:22And we feel here that
18:24Alhamdulillah
18:26At least it's not as chaotic as those countries
18:28May Allah bring relief to those countries
18:30Right
18:32But as long as it's predictable
18:34Free healthcare, lots of things
18:36Alhamdulillah here
18:38Thank Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for that
18:40Thank Allah for that, that you are here
18:42You know I was in
18:44Imam in America
18:46In California, California is one of the
18:48Most beautiful states of America
18:50And then I was in one of the most beautiful cities
18:52In California
18:54Called Santa Barbara, it's on the coast
18:56On one side is mountains
18:58And on the other hand it was the ocean
19:00The Pacific Ocean
19:02I was literally 5 minutes drive from the ocean
19:04Right
19:06Beautiful place with the palm trees
19:08And I used to drive through
19:10But what was really strange is
19:12I stayed there for 8 years
19:14I started in 2000
19:16I left in 2008
19:18The people who were there in 2000
19:20And when I left in 2008
19:22Only about 20% of the same people
19:24Were still there, 80% had left
19:26Of the Muslim community
19:28It was a very expensive area
19:30And my assessment is that
19:32I don't think people
19:34Did enough shukr of being there
19:36Such a beautiful place
19:38No billboards, they don't allow
19:40Advertisement on the streets
19:42No big tall buildings, very comfortable place to live
19:44Weather
19:46Throughout the year it was
19:48You don't need an AC and you don't need a heater
19:5060 to 80 degrees Fahrenheit
19:52Throughout the year
19:54Beautiful place
19:56But I don't think people were
19:58I don't think people were doing shukr enough
20:00Allah says when you do shukr
20:02I will increase you
20:04And you know there is a special pleasure
20:06When you start relating everything
20:08To Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
20:10With everything that we have
20:12Everything that we have
20:14You
20:16Think about Allah
20:18You have a nice food at home
20:20Mashallah
20:22You go to a restaurant
20:24Alhamdulillah
20:26That keeps the narcissism away
20:28That keeps the narcissism away
20:30Otherwise we get indulged
20:32And we start thinking and we start forgetting
20:34About Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
20:36That's when it becomes detrimental
20:38And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has said
20:40You know this, Allah in the Quran says
20:42If you do shukr we will give you more
20:44So it's a win win situation
20:46All the way through
20:48For Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
20:50Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for every little thing
20:52We need to be thanking Him
20:54And that needs to become a habit of thanking Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
20:56It needs to become a habit
20:58That every time we see something
21:00Do something, just thank Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
21:02And we have to do it
21:04By believing
21:06That Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the true giver of it
21:12Why is there narcissism?
21:14Why would somebody become like this?
21:16What is the cause of narcissism?
21:18The cause of narcissism is generally
21:20Ignorance
21:22To not understand that Allah is the giver of everything
21:26The true believer
21:28Allah says in the Quran is
21:32Those who are
21:34Iman, Iman waleh
21:36Those who believe
21:38They are the most intense in their love for Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
21:42If you are intense in love for someone
21:44You are going to remember them all the time
21:46So if a bounty
21:48That our own lover gave us
21:50Imagine your beloved gave you a gift
21:52You became so preoccupied with the gift
21:54That you forgot the giver
21:56It's absurd
21:58So to become preoccupied
22:00With that is a problem
22:02The fact that we are mu'min
22:04And we love Allah most intensely
22:06That means we must remember Him more
22:08And one of the easiest ways to do it is
22:10That's why the Prophet subhanahu wa ta'ala
22:12Ibn Ata'illah says
22:14If Allah has given you the ability
22:16To raise your hands for du'a
22:18It means He wants to accept it
22:20If Allah has allowed you to come into the masjid
22:22Then you need to thank Him for allowing you to come into the masjid
22:24He says don't even ask Allah for reward
22:26Because the fact that you came here
22:28Is already given to you by Allah as a bounty
22:30That is a bounty
22:32Thank Allah for that bounty
22:34We ask Allah
22:36And we ask Allah for blessing
22:38And insha'Allah we'll see you this evening
22:40Insha'Allah
22:44Al Fatiha