A look at the 'four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse'

Daily Mail

The science of breakups: As Molly Mae and Tommy Fury call it quits, scientists reveal the four key signs that a relationship is about to end The Gottman Institute looks at the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse, the guaranteed behaviours that will kill your relationship if allowed to go unchecked.  Love Island fans have been left gobsmacked at the news that Molly Mae Hague and Tommy Fury have split up.  After five years together, the pair have called it quits, with Molly mysteriously saying that she 'never imagined our story would end, especially not this way.'  While the reason for the stars' breakup remains unclear, science could help to shed light on where it all went wrong.  Four negative communication styles have been deemed so lethal to relationships that they've earned the title of the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse'.  According to research, they predict relationship failure with over 90 per cent accuracy – so, could they help to explain why Molly and Tommy have called it quits?  https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-13745973/science-breakups-Molly-Mae-Tommy-Fury.html

Transcript

00:00You're so selfish.

00:02Ugh, what an idiot.

00:05It's not my fault we're always late.

00:08Forget it.

00:11Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

00:15Dr. John Gottman calls these negative communication patterns

00:18the four horsemen of the apocalypse

00:20because they'll lead to the end of your relationship.

00:23In fact, he can predict this relationship failure

00:26with over 90% accuracy if the behavior isn't changed.

00:30So, what can you do?

00:32Well, at the Gottman Institute,

00:34we understand you might not even know you're communicating this way

00:37or you might not know how to control it.

00:39But if you practice the following four research-based antidotes,

00:42there is hope for your future.

00:45Criticism attacks the character of the recipient

00:48instead of focusing on a specific behavior.

00:50The antidote to criticism is to talk about your feelings

00:53using eye statements, then express a positive need.

00:57Contempt is an expression of superiority

01:00that comes out as sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling,

01:03eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor.

01:06Contempt is the greatest predictor of relationship failure

01:09and must be eliminated.

01:11The antidote to contempt is to treat one another with respect

01:14and build a culture of appreciation within the relationship.

01:18Defensiveness is self-protection through righteous indignation

01:22or playing the victim.

01:24Defensiveness never solves the problem

01:26and is really just an underhanded way of blaming your partner.

01:29The antidote to defensiveness is to accept responsibility,

01:32even if only for part of the conflict.

01:36Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the conversation

01:39without resolving anything.

01:41It takes time for the negativity created by the first three horsemen

01:44to result in stonewalling.

01:46But when it does, it can become a habit.

01:49The antidote to stonewalling is to break for at least 20 minutes,

01:52calm down, then return to the conversation.

01:56Spare your relationship from certain destruction.

01:59Learn more about eliminating the four horsemen by visiting our site.

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